2 kilos babiiiiiiiii !!!

woooo hoooo my goal was to be under 147.6 when I weighed in today (the weight I was a month ago) but I kicked that lil goal in the ass and lost 2 kilos and am now at 145.6...so a total of 25.3 kilos. My aim for next week is to be under 145 kilos.

Anyways so how did my trip to the gym go??? welllllllllllllllllll good once me and the treadmill machine rebonded and i stopped slipping and practically falling on my face ! my gawd its only walking for gawds sake but I seemed to have trouble with it hehe but I ended up doing 15 minutes mostly at level 4 (I was doing under 4 previously) so woot woot for me. Then had my PT session which was so damn hard...I was coughing quite a bit and sweating like you wouldnt believe but at the end my trainer said I did really good...said i pushed thru and i was doing the same weights as previously and some exercises the weights were higher....so that was all really good...planning to go in tomorrow as well and do 30 minutes on the treadmill.

I then went and saw my slim coach and her deduction was - Im not eating enough ! who woulda thunk it?? Basically just need to eat as I had this week but with a dairy in my afternoon snack and a fruit with my breakfast. Then as she was going thru my tracker and discussing things...i thought ok lets broach the "vegetable" subject so shes aware...so dunno if ive mentioned this before on my journal...im not a vegetable eater...especailly peas, coked carrots, corn, beans, pumpkin...cant stand the smell of them and a lot of those vegetables "pop in your mouth" lol should looked at me like i had suddenly sprouted 2 heads...luckily i am use to people looking at me like that when i say this. But then she composed herself...flipped over the paper made up 4 colums titled red, green, orange and white and we came up with a list to fit into each column. She also wants me to go to the central markets this week and wander around and buy TWO vegetables ive never tried ! (tania - do you know what days its open?) Then she told me her and my trainer wanna come and do a grocery shop with me...to show me the foods they think i should buy and reading the labels etc etc for all my time on ww i can type the kilojoues and fat into my points calculator but the rest on the labels is goobbliegook to me so I said a definite yes so will prolly do that in a few weeks time when I am on holidays - hows that for service? Ive never had someone do that for me before and ive seen it done on different weight shows so i think its a great thing.

Okies off to watch friends then cook dinner - have a good nite all !

Okies so that picture aint the best but its taken me foreverrrrrrrrrrrrrrr to even find that ! So wat is it? Or who is it ? Its jenny of course..okies its the dress Id love to wear...Jenny from L word wears it in the opening...its the beautiful flowing thing...now I dont REALLY to ever expect to have the upper arms to carry it off...but a girl can dream right??? Anyway its a visual goal...and my current weight goal is to be under 130 by september 30...so the pressure is on now ! thats 17.7 kilos to lose in 25 weeks...completely doable...but didnt want to set some ridiculous goal...so...that works out to 700 grams per week with me commencing it from last week. Guess what kiddos??? I can freaking do it too la la la la

So psycholigist to be nat asked on her journal today who "your" (meaning me LOL) support team is and do u acknowledge it? So i will answer...

My sister...my sister is always there...either emailing me to say well done on a loss (which hasnt been recent) or wanting to know what Ive meant by a post or telling me not to give up. When she comes to adelaide for one of her jaunts in the year they always wanna eat takeaway...cos takeaway is practically unheard of in streaky bay and she has often said...no we not getting kazz some...im not gonna help her to break this.

Joe and Ryan...Okies these two are the biggest pains in my ass at times but they only want whats best for me. If i got to the cafeteria at work and by something bad you are guaranteed to hear joe say "princesssssssssssssssssss" and i know uh uh...hes often asking me whats for lunch and telling me healthy ways to prepare different meals...and ryan well hes just there on the sidelines cheering me on.

Everyone who regularly posts on my site...and thats nat, tania, jaxx and airlie...i may not say it often but the comments really do mean the world for me and I often check in between posts for comments.

Jody...omg another person whose a severe pain in my freaking ass...shes a yank from new mexico...we have "known" each other online for liek 7 1/2 years...shes often on a health jaunt too and often tells me how well im doing...how proud she is of me...and asking me how ive been going.

Girls of the ww forum...they are a great group...very supportive..and that whole forum has been like a tenderhook that I hung on to even when not doing good...

Teri my trainer...so far only a few sessions but so far shes been supportive and she herself asked me "whose in my support team" a few weeks ago...

But yanno biggest support is myself...my goals, my dreams cos while I can lean on people and learn off them..I have to rely on myself

Okies off i go to cook dinner before settling down to biggest loser...take care all

Well good lawd the blonde brain cells musta been working overtime yesterday cos I COMPLETELY forgot to wish my blog happy birthday ! 2 gawd damn years !! can you believe it??? Actually I remembered when I got home from work last night but when I realised i was too busy watching episodes of L word...omg hot hot hot !!!

Anyways...sneaked a peak at the scales this morning...and going in the right direction altho will wait till tuesday arvo for the "official" result...nat on the ww forum wont know wtf is going on with me giving a actual weigh in figure LOL its been so freaking long ... but rest assured just cos im weighing in does not mean the world is coming to an end or anything crazy like that.

I soooooooooo freaking wanted to get to the gym today...ffs...but I am still coughing...its nearly 3 weeks now and i am SO over this...it has improved a lil with the puffer...and i am using steam and bettadine but still have this irritation in my throat thats making me cough - anyone got any other ideas i can try to get rid of it???

For dinner tonite i have a recipt of lamb chops and cherry tomatos all done rather nicely...im not a huge meat eater but im suppose to be only having one carb serve at night and 3 protein serves...so im sure this will do - hell maybe Ill even enjoy it. Haven't been to load up on the fresh fruit and vegies yet but will this afternoon.

Okies not a whole lot else to say...except hip hip hooray to my lil bloggie ! =]

wo0ot its friday....I dont think Ive wanted a weekend to come so badly for such a long time...and its not reason except to rest my throat....my coughing is always worse at work. So I work today and then have saturday, sunday, tuesday and wednesday off...so in the next 5 days i only work 1 day so it really gives it a good chance to rest.

Went out after work last nite...I ended up having a hot chocolate and a serve bruschetta. I SOOOOOOOOO miss drinking my soft drinks...but unfortunately cold drinks and drinks with bubbles make me cough non stop.

Tomorrow I am going to the gym tho...nothing too hectic just gonna try and do 30 minutes on the treadmill.

I was gonna go pick up some groceries this morning but was so sleepy...I had a bizarre dream last nite...dreamt i had a gf....we woke up and she goes check my hair....and i discover her hair is falling out...and the next thing we are at out "engagement" party and its my bday as well and my mum is there but doesnt give me a present or say happy bday hahahah was quite bizarre.

Well cos I didnt get my arse out of bed early enuff I have to make do with whats in the house....so natural yoghurt and muesli for breakfast..and salad sandwich will need to be bought for lunch.

Okies off to make breakfast then get ready for work

Well went to the dietician this morning. She asked how I have been going - told her i have been sick and prolly put on what I had lost so she went thru the plan with me but didnt weigh me or anything. We are going out for drinks after work tonight (will be just orange juice for me) and then when i get home I will plan my meals for the next week. I am going back on tuesday and then I will be weighed and measured. So my goal for this week is to simply be under 147.6 when i weigh in on tuesday.

I have been reading a AWESOME journal...it spans over 7 years and is in the link list over on the right...its called dietgirl and hilarious to read and i so relate to her...she hasnt the best luck in love while fat and that i can SO relate too and she wasnt always successful...she had a 6 month period where she put on 10 kilos after losing 50 kilos...i put on 10 kilos after losing 34 kilos...so it gave me a bit of a "i can do this too' feeling. She also planned to go overseas...so 2 years after she started she went to live in the ul on a working holiday...and whilst I dont plan to do that I would like late next year to go on a trip to new york...always wanted to go there...all that culture, shopping...would be awesome ! I am aiming for a mini award of a trip to melbourne for later this year.

Not much else going on...the cough was quite bad last nite but is quite good today...so fingrs crossed it keeps improving !

Well rang the gym this morning. Was trying to get a earlier time for my slim coach appointment (no luck there !) but anyway my personal trainer answered the phone...anyway she said to me even if im still coughing etc on tuesday come in...and we will do a light session just to get me back into things so that was good. But I am hopeful to be back on saturday anyways. Halfway thru the working week..then I have saturday & sunday off...work monday and have tuesday and wednesday off...so a nice break !

My house is completely disorganised at the moment...nearly 3 weeks of being sick a lot of stuff just hasnt been done so saturday afternoon am planning to get stuck into all of that. I am expecting a gain when I weigh in tomorrow not only has sick made me incredibly lazy (altho i have been eating more fruit) I have also been sucking on soothers like its been going out off fashion and having hot drinks which i dont normally touch to help calm my throat. But I will take whatever weight it is tomorrow and then get on with things. I was reading a journal linked to nats site yesterday (i think) who goes to fernwood with a PT trainer and the slim coach and i read she lost 14 kilos in 10 weeks...wow would be awesome to be simply under 140 in 10 weeks. I am convinced once I get in the gym routine and I am "living it" then the weight will simply start to melt off...all my previous attempts in the last 6 months havent combined everything...and after losing 25 kilos I think exercise is vital, at least for me.

Not a lot else going on...altho next wednesday I am catching up for breakfast with some friends I went to school with..2 i caught up with last week and that all went well but theres another 4 invited this time...1 i havent seen for about 20 years and the other 3 i havent seen for about 5 years...so a bit daunting...but i am sure it will all go fine.

I am contemplating going to streaky bay early next month...my main concern is being sick so recently and the airconditioning on those damn buses is like a breeding ground for virus's..i often get sick after a trip on them and am worried going on them soon when my immune system is prolly not at its best but i SOOOOOOOOOOO wanna spend some time with the kids...so i am ummming and ahhhing over all that at the moment. If I dont go its a good chance for getting to the gym everyday and a real focus on "me" so decisions...decisions...

Okies off I go and do some work la la la la la... =]

Okay I am seriously over this cough...that said...it does appear better today and people at work said im "quieter" today...so hopefully the puffer is helping. I would love to go back to the gym on saturday...I am surprising myself by how much I am wanting to get back into it. And I think thats partly thanks to the reading of late I have been doing...including journals which has really helped get my head into the right place. I am really starting to realise my meals shouldnt be what i "like" but what I "need". I think I am getting much more into that zone of understanding food is fuel and not a treat. We are having some warmer days here again...27-30 degrees which is nice...makes me want to go sit outside in the sunshine and read...shame I have to sit in a office and work LOL

But yanno what? I feel happy ! I really feel within myself i am getting back into the zone...my cough feels a lil better...the suns out...its a good day and I ahve the excitement of knowing I will be back at the gym soon enough !

Now on to the Leaders of Tomorrow program I was offered to apply for...I have decided not to apply for it...for 2 reasons. One if I went into it I would be doing a certificate in business management...so as well as working I would be studying on a part time basis...that combined with needing to get to the gym and full time work...I just feel would be too much on my plate...and bottom line my health MUST come first. Also the amount of sick leave you have taken I am sure would be taken into account (as you are not allowed to take annual leave for the 15 months the program runs) and as I just had 10 days off...I think it would reflect badly...SO i decided the next 12 months I am going to focus on my healthy lifestyle...by getting healthy it makes sense my sick leave will reduce and then next year I will apply for it. Its not that I am not applying for it cos I think I am too big or anything but more about prioritising and as I said in yesterdays post my weight loss and healthy lving MUST be a priority...but its all good...Im excited for my future

Okies off to work I go =]

Well finally went back to the docs this morning. Turns out the cough mixture the chemist RECOMMENDED was making me cough more. So the doc has me on a puffer now and a cough suppresent so hopefully with luck the cough will start to really subside now. Am off today....work the next 5 days then I have 4 out of 5 days off...wooo hoooo. It will be good to give my voice a real good rest then. Even if I am not well off to do a work out this week I am going to see the slim coach on thursday to get my eating back on track. Have been doing some various reading today and feel like I am really getting my head back in "the zone" i KNOW i can do this weight loss and succeed...I have done it before...and I need to stop letting my insecurities from not succeeding...but im not on weight loss journey im on a "to be healthy" journey. When I go in on thursday its the first proper slimplicity session so they will measure me as well....so i will make sure i grab those numbers as well and add them to my journal.

I have series 4 of L word to watch this afternoon wooo hooo !! Great way to spend a sunday afternoon lol

I must say its a nice feeling getting into the right head space...and will be even better once I start to make some solid process...okies ... off to watch L word *winks*

PS airlie and jaxx can you add a comment so I can grab your url as I lost them both in the template update - thanks !

Well getting a bit better everyday. Every night i am coming home and going straight into my bedroom...and getting into bed with the heater on...keeps me at a nice stable temperature and I watch tv or play on the computer...its not active but my priority right now is simply to get back to 100%. I am aiming to go back to the gym on wednesday...dont know if I will be ready by then but with luck I will be.

Being sick really makes you reflect...when your too tired to cook meals and do basic stuff you realise how much I take feeling good for granted and then 90% of the last 6 months I have been slowly eroding my health by eating crap food and not exercising - and why do I do that? For one...its cos its "easy" its easier to sit in front of the tv...its easier to pick up take away...its just plain old EASY...going on a weight loss journey is gawd damn hard work...i have too plan, prepare, make the effort to go to the gym, work on myself to go for the good food items and also on my head (prolly the hardest part of it all) when i was losing the weight before....every week i waited for the week where it got unachievable and i failed and gained...and so instead of that i simply gave up. Ive always been like this...i remember when i was about 11 or 12 i was going in this esstedford for ballet...was going to enter as a solo...my mum stayed up all nite sewing this cute lil white tutu...anyway it was easier to not go then to risk "failing" so i didnt go. So i think this is a big part that I need to push thru...fact of the matter is I need to stop waiting for the failure and simply work on the winning of the weight loss journey. Im really getting focussed and ready to committ..i so do not want to get sick again like this ... im determined to try and make my body as strong as possible. I think if i get my weight loss under control my life could be happy. I am slowly getting back in touch with my friends from school...2 i met for breakfast last friday and on the 16th i am catching up with both of them...plus a few more have been invited...these are people who I was great friends with in my late teens/early 20's we were a big group of friends...pretty innocent...but always having fun. My friend laura was saying to me the other day just think about those times we use to have...now we are all worried about bills, work, family stresses etc instead of allowing ourselves to simply let go and have fun when we catch up, and shes so right...so thats another thing...working on enjoying life more...work i enjoy...my single lifestyle i mostly enjoy...so my weight loss is now my number one focus...its my PRIORITY and the only thing that can come before it is work...but as I said right now...getting over this flu is number one...so off i go for a dose of benadryl before settling down to watch biggest loser...have a good weekend all =]

Well today is the first day I finally feel like I am improving. Was suppose to go out to dinner last night with tania and while i was sorry to miss catching up...i basically came home from work and went stright to bed and spent the evening watching tv in bed and watching a episode of L word with my heater on and keeping nice and warm and I do feel better today for it. I am still coughing a lot but it has improved a lil.

My jeans are feeling looser...I havent weighed myself but suspect I ahve dropped down a lil. I didnt really expect to be losing as I have simply been eating as I feel like it lately (and admittedly have missed numerous meals) and have been sucking on lots of soothers for the last week so my sugar levels are definitely up. I am hoping very soon I can get back to the gym...would be nice to get back next week but not sure if the cough would be gone by then or not (fingers crossed) i am really getting itchy to get back into everything ... getting sick like this again has convinced me more then ever even if i never lose another I need to stick to this healthy lifestyle for my actual health...cant handle another dose of this flu and am even considering getting a flu shot (and anyone who knows how i am about needles knows what a big deal that is LOL)

So second day back at work today and its soooooooooo nice being back...and getting that normality coming back into everything. Tonite I will grocery shop and get some lemonade,,,,i have been craving lemonade lately...luckily if its not cold it doesnt make me cough but pepsi and coke send me off into crazy fits of coughing.

Anyways thats about it...off to do some more work :)

I miss work....=[

yes I truly do...right at this moment. I have been sick with the flu since sunday night. And so been stuck at home with only the tv for company, and yanno works a pain in the ass at times but i work with mostly such a good mob of people and have some real good friends there...and so really have missed them this week. When I am sick more then ever is when i realise how isolating living alone can be. I am on the mend now tho...got a decent nights sleep last night and actually cooked dinner tonight and been doing stuff on the puter which is a good sign. So i obviously havent been to gym...but monday I am going back for a slimplicity session and tuesday a PT session but i will take it easy...my trainer rang today and so she knows ive had the flu.

This flu has been a huge reminder tho .... even if i never ever lose another kilo i need to stick at this healthy lifestyle for my health. I joined ww in 2006 cos i had bronchitis for 7 weeks....7 weeks of not working is a scary situation to find yourself in... and i realised if i didnt get my act together i would prolly end up on a disability pension or something ridiculous like that. And I dont wanna spend this winter battling brinchitis...so no more games...no more half heartedly doing this...110% committment.

Who watched biggest loser tonite with the past losers? Was so cool wasnt it? Specially that chat Adro had with cosi. BUT the BEST news is jillian is back in it from sunday night *swoon* gawd damn shes awesome ... and funny thing is....i had her book at work the other day....and one of the guys i sit next too saw it and said "oh shes hot eh?" lol my only response was NO CHIT lol

Off to meet a couple of my friends from school tomorrow for morning tea (im gonna be very good tho!) which will be great....they were really good friends and I am so happy to be rekindling their friendship.

Okies off to watch the end of law & order =]

well...ive had a not so good weekend yet at the same time a good weekend. My sister and her family were down which has been lovely but with them being down it also involves visits with other family members which i personally find stressful...and the whole weekend i end up dreading the next occassion and in my mind coming up with ways to handle the situation. So in regards to this ive decided to back away in a very drama free way...have gone into pink sofa a few times on the weekend which has kinda highlighted that I am single .... and the last few days ive been down in the dumps about that...now dont get me wrong i would freaking love a partner or a interest ,,, but to be perfectly honest its prolly now what I actually NEED right now. This journey to getting healthy, sculpting my body, reclaiming my life back just has to be a priority now and whilst if i was to meet someone i wouldnt say no...i simply cant make it a focus...and lets be honest....with my body as it is right in this moment I dont think me meeting someone is that likely. And thats fine...that not me pitying myself...or wanting to hear people say u will meet someone thats me being realistic...and not hiding behind some fantasy...and i think right now realistically is what I need. But what I am also realising I need is to start enjoying what I do have going on in my life right now...I mean for the last 6 months unless its involved KFC there hasnt been too much I have enjoyed. One of the things I havent been doing much is playing backgammon, I play it online and love it...a tournament takes about a hour to play so its a great way to distract me from the fridge but also as i have pcos one of the things they recommend cos of the tendancy for depression is to participate in logic games...and thats certainly what gammon is (well with a dash of luck) so back to playing that. This is also the first week of a trillion of putting the gym first....this week...tuesday, wednesday,saturday, sunday and thursday before work i will be at the gym, i also see the slimcoach this week and then from now on that will be a weekly appointment and also a Pt session. Friday I wont make it as I have plans to catch up with some ole friends tracy & laura for morning tea...but knowing fellinis has a low fat menu I suggested we meet there ! Thats another thing to be grateful off...getting back in touch with my ole friends and rekindling the friendships. I had so many friends when I was young yet in my hermit ways I have let them slip thru my fingertips.

I also got my hair done ! And I must say it looks really good...lovely golden colour and a different style...they blow dried it straight and if i ever get a date i will have to get that done again...cos looks really good...and I think it actually makes my face look really slim...its a good reminder of how well I have done (something that I seem to constantly lose focus on) And yes tania I will get a photo up shortly.

Tomorrow I am working...11am-7pm so not a bad shift...then monday I am off again. Monday I plan to work on the application for the leader of tomorrow program so will have to cross my fingers in regard to that.

Tuesday I think I will pick up series 3 of L word...trying to get it online is impossible...so will pick that up...and then my next couple of days off mite have to have a L Word marathon LOL

Okies off I go...soon enough will be heading out to see my niece and nephews one last time before they head off home...enjoy the rest of ur easter weekend all =]

YaY one day and I get a day off...so glad. This morning feast rang me (the people who do the annual gay & lesbian celebrations) wanting to know if I want to volunteer...I told them yes...said last year....they always promised to email me but never did so I discussed this with them...turns out they had a typo in the email address. He then looked at my skills and was like well u have skills in nearly everything LOL....so yanno its right...get positive...and good stuff happens.

Last night went into the pink sofa chat room...2 girls ive met before at the golden dances were in there...so was good to chat to them again. One just shaved her head for that fundraising thing for cancer...she wants me to colour my hair next year to help raise money....lol...maybe next year

Tomorrows a busy day...housework, PT session at the gym, then grocery shopping then with luck will see my niece and nephews tomorrow night. Everything else is going really well...okies time to head of to work...have a good day all =]

The scales dropped down another 500 grams over night so I am guessing my putting on certainly was from sodium...and thats cool as long as I know why. Today I was out at the shops in this stinking heat...anyway I bought a diet coke...hadnt eaten for a few hours, drank about a glassful of diet coke and I was full...so this concentrating on my portion sizes must be helping... appears my stomach is shrinking. The strangest thing lol yesterday was 40 degrees here in Adelaide but works airconditioning was stuffed and so the building was all of 12 degrees ! yes thats not a typo 12 freaking degrees...so we were all running around wrapped up in blankets (we raided the sick room) lol was very bizarre we looked like a bunch of white darth vaders running around the place. Well I am looking forward to this week...we normally work over easter...but they rejigged the roster so i have 4 out of 6 days off...so wednesday I am off and that the busy day...gonna clean since it will be cool, do a PT session and grocery shop. With luck I will get it all done with time to spare to spend some time with my sister and her family. Thursday I work and then friday and saturday I am off. Saurday morning I am getting my hair done. I may go into the city and get some new gym shoes fitted as well...we will see. I then work sunday and monday I am off. So it feels like I am having a real break coming up. Tomorrow I will prolly move my mattress back up to the bedroom...I will be glad to have my lounge room back to some normality and the computer back in the computer room. There is not a real lot going on apart from this - oh and tania kept forgetting to answer your question....I am going to the fernwood in the city but there is a girl there from salisbury (staff member) who has lost like 65 kilos...her name is octavia...(think thats the spelling)

Okies off I go

Well one of my old friends from school emailed me this morning to say a old friend of mine has been trying to get in contact with me. She bumped into his parents and he lives interstate...so his mum wants me to call him to get his details. He is coming down in a months time apparantly so hopefully with luck I will catch up with him then, hes a pom and hilarious...we used to have a lot of fun hanging out together in our late teens/early 20's. The last time he saw me was about 5-6 years ago at the shopping centre....I am sure I was my heaviest or very close to it and I am sure I looked attrocious...so should be good to catch up with him.

Scales went up about a kilo this morning but i think thats cos i had that rice with soy sauce the last 2 days...too much sodium...hopefully will drop back down...not too concerned just yet.

Also found out today that if I am successful getting into the leaders of tomorrow program there is the possibility of some interstate travel...i was like oh well yeh sure I can handle that hahahahah bring it on...altho step by step and first step is to just get the application filled out LOL

okies back to some work...enjoy all

I lost my dreams...

I have come to the realisation that it isnt so much that I lost the focus on my weight loss...but I lost my dreams...those things that drove me to want to lose weight...I stopped focussing on what I really want and anyone who knows me knows that is to be happy and madly in love with some chickie...before when I was doing good I would put my mp3 player on anytime i was out...whether on the way to work...working out...walks...wherever. I would listen to those songs and me and my imagination could imagine me out dancing with friends...it was a huge motivator...I have not used my mp3 pplayer except to listen to the old jillian michaels podcast for months...prolly 4 months or more...so last night i uploaded some songs onto it and this morning on the way to work i listened to it and it was so damn motivating...imagining me out with friends dancing to those songs...a HUGE MOTIVATOR and I think theyre the things I need to focus on more then anything.

Foodwise been very good...last nite i did a stirfry with basamati rice with chicken, prawns, a lil bacon, capsicum, mushies, soy sauce and oyster sauce...was all very yummii. And i did jump on the scales this morning...I think I have dropped about a kilo...but we will wait till the 27th for a very accurate weigh in.

Okies off I goooooooooooooo to do some work lalalalalalala

Well I am seriously over this weather. Its too stinking hot for anything...Im just so freaking grateful I moved the mattress downstairs so I have managed to sleep...but a cool change is expected as of wednesday. I still went to the gym today...I did 22 minutes on the treadmill and then a PT session...I struggled a bit...had a bit of a woozy feeling...but I did do all exercises. I am already starting to feel the benefits of the exercise...I normally have lower back pain when I wake and most days I have to use anti-imflamatory cream on it...but I havent for 4 or 5 days...teri my trainer said its prolly cos Im stretching my muscles more and using them.

I have done somethings to start doing more for myself...the hairdresser I go to often has a special of you pay $99 and get $254 worth of services...includes a restyle, cut, tint, plus foils, a treatment to lock in the colour, blow dry and a head massage...all pretty good for $99 so I have a appointment for 9am on easter saturday. I also have made plans to catch up with laura on the 28th and also with tania the following sunday...so all is good on that front.

I did pop on the scales this morning and they seem to be going down...

Some good news too...we have a program at work called "Leaders of Tomorrow" and my boss wants me to apply for it...its a 3 month application process...and then the program runs for 15 months...at the end you have a certificate IV in business management and you have been mentored towards a management role...so I am PRETTY sure I will apply for it...okies time to head off...but before I go...heres a image of my latest saying to my bois at work lololololol.....

Good morning all ! At work bright and early. Headed off to the gym last nite in 37 degree weather...blah...I am really over the weather. Anyway did 10 minutes on the bike...and god that showed how much I have lost my fitness levels...I use to be able to cycle for 30 minutes and would cycle 12 km in that time...I was on it all for a minute when my legs started aching. So then I went and saw the slim coach...she was great...very lovely...she is actually in her 2nd year of a degree in nutrition and dietics...so she gave me a plan outlay for the next 2 weeks before I officially start slimplicity. She wants me mostly to watch my portion sizes (and OMG only 1/3 of uncooked pasta per day) but she also wants me to increase my dairy which surprised me. So tonite after work I am off to pick up yoghurts, some muesli (need to use non low fat muesli which has less then 10 grams of sugar) and also some low fat cheese slices. I weighed in at 147.6 kilos...which I was 150.4 kilos on curves scales...so Ive either lost some or curves scales were stuffed (and my weight at fernwood nearly matches my scales at home) I then went and did 20 minutes on the treadmill...by the time I got home I was dog tired. My personal trainer came over to see if she had scared me off LOL I said no...but this cardio may scare me off lol (not really) When I walked in the manager was there and she was like...are u still doing crazy hours? I was like yeh...and shes like and you still came back? then she put her hand up to high 5 me hahahah so i was a high 5 wooping machine....I must admit the grrls there are awesomeeeeeeeeeeee they are all so friendly !

N Day

Well tomorrow is N day..."N"ext part of my journey day....as of tomorrow night I will have some real starting figures...I am doing a fitness test in the evening and also seeing the slim coach who will weigh and measure...I will then also do 40 minutes of cardio. Its also time to get my head around the fact this is no longer a choice....this is no longer something in 2 weeks time I can go off to eat a pile of kfc..and I think now my head is in the right head space...its taken me a long time to get to this point prolly about 9 months LOL shows you if you ahve one bad day dont let it turn into 2 days,,,,cos ultimately that turns into 9 months or even longer. Realistically I should have been more focused on the weight loss journey after my lil episode at royal adelaide hospital but instead I had the opposite reaction which to be honest dumbfounds me. I also need to start letting go of other peoples opinions...some people cant stay a positive word,....if they notice you losing or doing better its always folowed by "you just got to keep it up" WELL FREAKIN DUH !! I have a friend I met online about 8 years ago...anyway we been great friends all this time even if she is a yank lol...anyway last friday I email her just telling her about my day and told her I went back to the gym and she sent me a short repy "Im so proud of you, you'll do great" dunno why people cant be positive like that?

Okies well off I go...

have a good nite all =]

Sorer with every minute that passes...

Well I am certainly feeling the consequences of yesterday (but all in a good way) I am really quite sore, my thighs, arms, and shoulders are aching more as each minute passes...but obviously its a good pain...so all is good.

I am feeling very motivated...for these 3 days I have to eat normal and record everything I am guessing its to see your bad habits...where your weaknesses lie etc...but I have still been eating pretty good but I am keeping in mind to be honest.

I am planning to go for a walk after dinner tonite...should be cool enough by about 7.30pm. I feel very good and motivated about things...if it wasnt 39 degrees Id feel friggin better tho LOL lawdie bring on that cool change...okies off I go =]

Choose Your Attitude

^^^^ Thats a good saying eh? Well Im gonna make it my mantra...well I decided on 2 mantras choose your attitude and i LOVE the gym...Im gonna believe both of those =]

What a FABULOUS DAY !!! Well I headed off to the gym...I firstly did 28.5 minutes on the treadmill...at a speed of 5 and grade of .5 on the treadmill. I then did a PT session with my new trainer "teri" and she was great. She was tough as but at the end she sat down with me and asked me about my goals....which I told her...to lose 70 kilos...she then told me to do 3 cardio sessions per week for 30 minutes and my weight sessions...she said later down the track I may be wise to increase it to two weight sessions per week...but not for the moment. Then I was working out my plan etc with the gym and this girl came over to me...she works at the gym and was like oh you are having the same dietician as me...she then told me she has lost 65 kilos...and has another 25 kilos to lose. She then said to me keep me updated on ur results and I will keep you udated...it was really motivating...I officially start with the dietician and PT trainer on the 27th...but I still have a PT session they owe me and I am getting a complimentary dietician session...and as they will be closed for 4 days over easter...it doesnt seem a big drama...

Yesterday my old friend from school tracy emailed me...she is turning 40 in late may...and she is having a 80's party at our old hang out (the old lion) so I have a short term goal to focus on. I know Im close to 150 kilos at the moment...Im determined to go to the party under 140 kilos and feeling fabulous...so thats the short term goal.

Okies my feet are really aching...so I am off to put them up and relax...have a good night all =]

Well I rang fernwood fitness centre...I made 2 appointments for friday....friday I have a appointment with their dietician and then I have a personal training session...in some ways I couldnt have picked a worse week as we are in a "heatwave" Not supose to be cool till at least wednesday....which would be so easy to put off everything for a few weeks but NU UH not happening ! Friday is the next stage in this journey.

My wunderful sister posted me dr phils book which I will hopefully get friday which I am so grateful for and a HUGE bonus I really feel that just trying to stick to points and not doing anything else was NEVER going to be successful for me...I am like the queen of secluding myself...and so going to the gym will be good for me...as Joe at work said to me...not only did I look healthier when I went to the gym...I was happier.

I did a glucose test at work today...a blood glucose test the reading should be between 4 and 8 and mine was 4.8 which is regarded as "ideal" which is good. I also asked some of the ww girls on the forum to post their menu plans...and they all really eat only a minimum amount of processed foods...so I really am going to focus on that too.

OKies off to watch biggest loser !

PS Tania I will email you on the weekend with some dates Im free...possibly in april as I have my weekends off that month

well Ive made some decisions ! Firstly I went to curves last night...they weighed me and Im ashamed to say I weighed in at over 150 kilos...they basically wanted me to pay $126 on the spot...which I didnt have at that point so I felt quite pressured but left without signing up. Initially I thought Ill sign up in a few weeks time when I have the cash...but then got thinking...I have my fernwood membership which I am paying anyway and its only the basic membership but its $40 a fortnight so really silly to pay for curves as well. So shortly I am going to ring up fernwood...I am pretty sure I still even have about 3 personal training sessions available...so will call them up and make a appointment hopefully for friday afternoon and hopefully with a personal trainer...if I tackle this all head on hopefully I will start to make some REAL headway. So I feel actually quite excited about doing this now...which is a super good start. I also watched dr phil last nite and it was a episode with a chick wanting to lose 210 pounds...and he was like have u read my book??? (which she hadnt) and I remembered that when I did good I would read dr phils book regularly especially the chapter on negative thinking...so I will get his book this week and get stuck into reading that as well...I really wanna do this and get way way way under 150 kilos

Well I think things are starting to move in the right direction. Tonight I am going to curves to have a chat to them and look around. And friday I have a appointment at 10.30am to do the assessment for the medicare rebate for counselling - so fingers crossed there. Last nite went out to dinner with mum and she was like you "need" something...her suggestion was to join a group or a club or something...so I think first thing I will rejoin pink sofa this week. I think maybe having a long term goal would help too...maybe something for the end of the year...like a holiday...Im pondering that one...I think thats half my problem I somehow in the last 4-5 months lost my enjoyment for life. Anyone who knows me well knows I have a habit of being a bit of a recluse...hiding away from living....so I go to work and home and well not much else...which ultimately leads me to start to go into the american chat rooms...which the more I do that the more comfortable I get with not living life. So this week on friday I will hopefully get my hair cut as well...and start to get back in the world of living lol...okies off to do some work enjoy all =]

Well...its been a huge few days....lets see....wednesday morning I woke feeling flu-ish and my joints were aching so didnt go to work that day,,,by 7pm that nite my right wrist was swollen...I could barely move it and had a lump on it...so back to the docs I go....who sent me off to xrays to make sure nothing was broken (nothing was) to tell me that its a inflamation of some kind - dont u love when doctors are vague? Ive taken a few nurofen since then and panadeine forte and its a lot better now...still sore at times...but i can do most things now (gawd I wont even try and describe the circus of me trying to put on my bra on thursday LOL)

Well yanno I have come to some conclusions..1. i CANNOT give up...i just refuse to go back to 170 kilos. I posted on the ww forum today...saying how I wanna lose the weight yet I dont seem able to string good weeks together etc etc and one thing one of the grrls said was you just gotta let go of stuff...and for me thats prolly pretty accurate...chit did happen in the past and I am going to get counselling for it...but at the same time I am punishing myself...they see no wrong in anything they have done and their life goes on...but for me I am struggling so I need to lose the focus. Also I was reading my journal today and I realised when I was doing good with my weight I was always busy...whether it was cooking...or hairdressers appointments...or to the gym...or out with tania or felicity I was busy....I was also not in the american chat rooms much (which Ive been in a lot for the last 3 or 4 months) so I NEED to cut back on that...maybe Ill renew pink sofa so if I do gotta go online its to a place that can help me with my real life. My appointment was set for monday with curves and I was thinking of cancelling but now have decided I need this, altho I wont start going for a week or so due to my wrist. But back on track in the morning and for the first time in a week will hop on those scales tomorrow. I am also gonna give thought to doing core...more I watch biggest loser more I see I should steer away from processed foods...but lets do this one step at a time. Tomorrow I am going to get stuck into doing some unpacking...I was going to lunch with tania....but I really feel like I need a day of some hard work...and I need to do some work on getting my head straight...okies...gonna go off to watch some seinfeld before bed....have a good weekend all

Well I actually feel like I have taken a good step. I mentioned in my last entry that I needed to tell my sister something before posting on here. I spoke to her last night...half told her what I had to tell her...and she finished of my story...she already knew...so this huge secret I have kept for about 25 years she already knew. The crux of it being that on the night my father was buried...whilst in my bed a uncle came in...slid in my bad...and touched my breast, this was followed by the person I told about it...not believing me, I must admit it played on my mind today altho not necessarily in a bad way. It was clarifying to know that i was believed by someone (as we talked we realised she saw him in my bed) it also made me realise thru our chats that counselling isnt actually a want...I think its a need. So I will go for the counselling assessment and go from there. I think right at this moment I will focus on that more so then my weight loss...cos I think this is the first step I need resolved. And once done I will hopefully have more luck with my weight loss.

My 2 good friends from work who I have discussed a lot with my relationships with my family...I talked to them about it (gay bois are such great confidants!) they were both like you really need to do this so I am very resolved now on the counselling...its not a thought process...I am going to do it...I also need to look into my private health for what they would cover as well. When I went to lunch today...I walked past one of the grrls jamie...she was like...were are u off too? im like the loo....shes like but i see your wallet in ur hand...i said yeh gonna grab some lunch after that...so she went off to her desk...i go to the loo...walk around the corner...theres jamie again...im like where are you going? shes like i was coming to the lunch room to find you...you seem sad today so was gonna come and give u some grrl company LOL i didnt realise i wasnt my normal self...altho I knew my brain was thinking thinking...was really quite cute of her lol...i then referred to her as my stalker for the rest of the day. I do feel better tonight tho after a very restless nights sleep...so not even 9pm and off to sleep shortly.

When I rang my sister last nite my 3 year old niece was so cute...she answers the phone and im like...do u know who this is? she goes no...im like...aunty kazz and next thing out of her mouth is "will you come and stay at my house?" followed very shortly by you can come pick me up after kindy lol...shes cute as...unfortunately shes 6 hours away =[ still cute as hell tho lol

This easter I am like going to be a normal person ! we are getting good friday, easter saturday and easter monday off...I only have to work sunday...which is awesome and of course we earn double time on those days cos of it being actual rdos soooooooooo woooo hooooo big pay packet will be headed my way.

Okies....off I go...enjoy all

Dang I just read tanias comment in my lost entry and had to run over to her journal to check why shes pissed at curves lol...thats so weird tania,,,,cos when I quit to go to fernwood I had to pay one payment that was all. I did contemplate going back to fernwood but to be honest going all the way in the city is a damn pain in the ass.

Who watched biggest loser tonite? Of course I paid the most attention when jillian was on *sniggers* but I actualy found her talk with carriane quite thought provoking and I could really relate. And it got me thinking. I really started to put on weight when my dad got sick, before that growing up I ate good. Mum cooked healthy meals, there was no such things as neighbourhood takeaway stores where we lived and we rarely bought lunch at school. Then dad got sick and our life quite dramatically changed and pretty much revolved around school, homework, eating, sleeping and visiting the hospital - guess which one I enjoyed the most???? I remember taking pocket money to school and buying apple turnovers for recess. And it was around 13 when I started to put on weight. That was actually quite a intense time in my life...I mean its intense for any 13 or 14 year old...but I also had a very ill parent...I remember I was a complete pain in my mums ass. I resented a lot of things...I hated going to the hospital twice a day on weekends, I hated that I could not sit at home on a weeknight and watch sons & daughters and a country practice, I was a ass of a teenager and on more then one occassion swore at my mum...I remember getting in a fight with I presume mum at the hospital once and storming out in a huff and a nurse coming after me...and telling me how its been discussed maybe I should see a counsellor...which of course I said no too...was no way in hell I was gonna talk to someone about everything (mmmm can we mention I was a stubborn pain in the ass lol) of course not taking up that offer is now something I really regret...I really shouldve taken up the offer and got rid of a lot of my anger. Then my dad passed...and well then something happened which is prolly something i have never FULLY dealt with..I wont discuss it here...well not yet....its prolly something I need to tell my sister face to face (dont panic kerry and send me a email making sure I am ok...Im fine lol) but its prolly something that Id want to tell her and not have her read on here. I really think the emotional side of it is what would make things click with me...I went to the docs the other day,,,and he has put me back on metaformin and I am also going to go in for a assessment to see if I can get a medicare subsidy for counselling with a psychologist. Not for anyone specific thing but mostly to help me with my weight loss and work on any emotional issues.

Not too long till I go to curves...one week...then I plan on going to curves on monday, wednesday and fridays. Tuesday and thursday I plan on walking. And really the focus needs to go more on my fitness and measurements and less on the scales.

Tomorrow is a big day at work...out of 170 or so workers 4 people got selected to go to a forum on the DSL product and I got selected to go...so thats kinda exciting.

Okies off I go ... gonna go watch my new seinfeld dvd weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Well hello all =] Its cooled down thankfully...so cool that last nite at home I was like I need to go have a shower to warm up lol The scales went up about 200 grams overnight but im not stressing too much over it as I did have a spicey meal last night (actually had lamb ribs in yiros seasoning...spicy and yummi - but prolly not so good for me lol)

I am off this weekend so planning to go out shopping. I have a westfield voucher which expires end of this month so think i better go spend it before it expires. Apart from that...gonna be a pretty quiet weekend. I ahvet done any exercise this week...the intention is that but yeh im slack LOL...im not too fussed tho...got my appointment with curves in 10 days or so.

Not a lot else going on...enjoy ur thursday all

Well if you all recall I had two goals this week...firstly, to make it back to the second weigh in, secondly to lose 500 grams and 3rdly to get under 145 kilos...well 2 out of 3 aint bad eh? lol I lost 500 grams I am quite happy about it. I went from a morning to a evening weigh in. It was stinking hot...and actually felt quite ill while weighing in...and took about a hour to recover. But i feel good that i stringed two losses in a row together...now we need to make it 3 losses in a row. So I have 3 goals this week...

1. drink 750 mls water per day
2. walk 30 minutes every day
3. Have a loss (will aim for 500 grams)

So my losses are now back at 25.6 kilos which is not too shabby at all. The weather here is stinking hot...i hope i sleep all right tonite...a cool change is due in tomorrow afternoon/evening - thanks gawd ! Saturday I am planning on going to arndale...I have a $50 voucher that ive had for 10 months which expires end of this month so really have to go spend it. So im planning to go to big w...buy some nice smelling bath stuff since im having baths so often here. My sister bought me these rose bath beads at xmas but ive used about a third already. I will also look at some tops and i will need some leggings or track pants for curves and also harris scarfe has wiltshire knives on special so will go look at them.

Okies its late and im so beat from this heat...so off to sleep i go...ni ni all =]

Well for fawks sake !! (pardon my language if u have tender ears lol) but this heat is soooooooooo revolting. I really am over summer but I must admit you wouldnt believe its 38outside in my house...the a/c hasnt been on once this weekend...but...a lil cooler inside would be nicer...of course.

I am VERY ontrack =] Sneaked a peak at the scales and tomorrow night I should have a "happy" weigh in...My goal this week was simply to make it thru week 2 and not gain but to aim for 500 kilos....and I am pretty damn positive I will make that goal...and I really feel fabulous about it...I feel more psyched then i have for a long time. Tonight I am going out for dinner,,,they always have a pasta special dish so whatever that is I will have. If after I get home from dinner if its not too warm and not too late I will go out for a walk. I ahve started doing arm punches and steps. I did 300 arm punches, yesterday I did nothing cos it was too damn hot...exercise wise that is. I am noticing that coming down my stairs is getting easier on my knees too which is good.

I have got approved for some leave in april...17th to the 27th....I may go to streaky bay but the main aim is to finish getting this house unpacked. I was reading my journal today and realise I have heaps of clothes I bought last autumn that must be in one of the boxes cos I havent seen them...and theres still about 10 boxes to unpack. Tonight I should be getting my new puter desk and computer chair weeeeeeeeee I can start to then get the computer room organised.

Okies need to go finish getting dressed I will be back here either monday night or tuesday morning to update my weigh in results.....wish me luck !

Well how motivated and CONFIDENT about this plan am i getting??? awesomely if i do say so myself lol...i have decided to set a few goals...when i lose 5 kilos since i rejoined ww i get a hairdressers appointment...get to 10 kilos i get to join pink sofa again. I was reading posts in my journal from sept/oct 2006 and i went thru the same wanderings about my social life and pink sofa back then and decided initially it was better to wait and make sure my head was in the right place for my weight loss first so im going to stick to that. I am also going to go back to doing 200 steps per day, when i was doing that last year I was having solid losses so will give that a try starting tonight.

So its friday YAY i work 6 days straight this week so have been hanging out for this weekend. Before work this morning i was walking around the house singing "its friday its friday" lol only downer about it is its supposed to be 36 both saturday and sunday. I have no plans apart from dinner sunday night. So plan on staying indoors and TRYING to stay cool. I have my new nicci french book which i started yesterday so i am envisaging a few hours soaking in the tub reading. But no real plans maybe some cross stitch, and some playing gammon, so nice and relaxing.

Okies off i go to do some work =]

Well who likes valentines day? cant say im a huge fan...altho that could have something to do with my VERY single status. A partner of course is one of my goals. I am trying to stop the negative self talk. Over the last several months I have said to myself quite regularly...im too set in my ways for a partner...im too old now...im too content with single life. There is definitely a scaredness there of getting involved with someone. Life is "easy" being single...has none of the dramas that a partnership has...i am never arguing with someone...im never insecure or anything and i think that brings that thought that i am content...but it also doesnt bring any of the good stuff a relationship brings. The problem is whenever I do start to get close to someone I start to feel like soemthing is wrong...like i have a worry on my mind but i cant pinpoint what it actually is. I mentioned this to my mum awhile ago and she wondered if it was a panic attack. I think I am going to renew my pink sofa membership...sometime in the next week or so...im kinda tentative about it...i want to yet i dont. One minute i think yeh do it...the next i wanna not think about it LOL

I rang curves yesterday and rebooked my appointed for 2nd march as they have delayed the opening by one week. But the appointment is booked.

I am thinking of buying my own domain for my journal...and doing work on it and keeping that more of a tool for motivation.

Hmmm not much else to say...enjoy all =]

My jillian michaels book i bought off ebay arrived yesterday. So every spare second at the moment my nose is stuck in it. The first part of the book is about "self" so your mind etc...she gives suggestions like meditating in the morning and at night focusing on your goals. So far im finding the book very interesting. Today and next 2 days I am going to go for a 30 minute walk each day after work. I wont on the weekend cos its supposed to be 36 both days. So I am also trying to practice a lot of positive self talk and so far so good.

I am hungry as crap at the moment...the shift im on this week is 11.30am-7.30pm...and the meal break is at 3.30pm which means a late lunch...ive been trying to balance it out by having my breakfast a lil later...and today i am starving...altho just had a break and a muesli bar so i should make it to 3.30pm seeings thats only a hour and a quarter away.

Just bumped into a girl from work who joined curves about 7 weeks ago, she was saying she has only lost 600 grams but lost 21 centimetres..so i need to remember this....curves told her it would prolly be about 3 months till the scales really start moving. Which makes sense cos when i joined last time i lost 700 grams in the first month but 27 centimetres. She was saying tho someone she knows from curves has lost 35 kilos in 13 months but in the first 3 months she actually gained 3 kilos...so i need to start to adjust in my head that march and most likely april the losses will be small if im going to curves...i dont think i will let that put me off tho. I have a appointment to see them on 2/3/08.

Not a lot else going on...enjoy ur wednesday all =]

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee yay me....3.3 kilos !!! Taking me to a total loss of 25.1 kilos and taking me down to 145.8 kilos. I have also set a long term goal for december 30 this year of 113.6 kilos...which is to lose 700 grams per week. Which would be awesome. The other goal this week is 3 walks for 30 minutes each...which I will do my first one when I get home from work tomorrow night. I am still contemplating joining curves...i think it is a right decision for me but decisions decisions.

Work makes a yummii curried rice salad...which i am having with some chicken for dinner tonite...its delectable - yum yum yum

Okies not a whole lot else to say...off i go to work =]

So heres the things...there was a post on the ww forum about what u wanna do when you get to goal...i added my lil list...things like travelling, dating and maybe meeting the one, knee high boots that will do up lol now some who answered this thread said "why are you waiting till goal for those things" now last year, mid last year i did a few things like i got my pink sofa account activated and went out meeting people, i was also getting my hair done, eyebrows waxed etc etc. And i wondered if thta contributed to me going off track cos i was so into my social life. So in december i didnt reactivate my pink sofa account and my hair hasnt been coloured for months...i initially thought...time to focus simply on my weight loss. The social life has to wait and well id prolly have more luck once ive trimmed down more anyway...i think 6 months of complete dedication to primarily to my weight loss is a good tactic yet at the same time i wonder if by not doing those things i am not rewarding myself and not taking advvantage of life...so things like my pink sofa membership i am wondering about (prolly was prompted by someone sending me a generic "hello" message this morning which i obviously cant currently reply too but maybe i should reactivate the account...decision decisions)

Ok will think on it...will update after my weigh in tomorrow

Let me just say - its a hell of a long time since i have felt this motivated...its great ! I went to bed early last nite and listened to the rest of Jillians podcast...(man that woman is sexii haha) and then today i went to her website...and actually joined it...it gives workout plans...so i am going to try it..she also has a lot of articles about the mind which i have found really interesting...and she has a blog on it she updates too with suggestions etc..tonight i am going to do the first session and if i get tired im gonna hear her say "don't you dare give up on me" lol

Food wise today could have turned into a drama but it hasnt ! I am working today and forgot to bring breakfast...i was in a lazy mood and was early so was planning a up and go...but forgot it...so temptation would have been to stop in to mcdonalds...but i didnt instead i ate my banana that i had thankfully bought...i then had a ww meal for lunch and a muesli bar just a few minutes ago, and tonight I am going out for dinner...I will prolly have a slice of raisin toast when i get home from work so i dont go out to dinner starving. Normally of course this would have been a perfect excuse to break the plan...but yay me i didnt =] On J's website too she mentions taking up a hobby, something you enjoy and as it turns out yesterday my mum bought a stack of x-stitch kits and gave me the choice of one...so I have it at home. I use to x stitch a lot and have numerous framed x-stitches hanging in my house...so will get back into that. So from now on wh3enever i want to break the plan and eat something bad im gonna try and train myself to think...would J want me eating that???

I am loving this weather at the moment...i was seriously seriously over the heat so i am so glad its gone

And weigh in for biggest loser tonite...they say on the add we will be surprised by who leaves...so all very interesting...okies...enjoy ur sunday all =]

Well its really been a weekend of quite a bit of thinking and uh-huh moments. Someone emailed me yesterday saying that when they saw my loss on the ww forum it inspired them last year (they have since done awesome with their weight loss) and i think it was something i needed to hear...i think i have focused so much on not maintaining or continuing with my weight loss instead of thinking i did good...i stopped myself before putting it all back on (i mean im still 21.8 kilos lighter then when i initially went to ww in august 2006) its a long long time since ive had a nice comment in relation to my weight loss...so it was quite humbling...but it was a HUGE reminder.

I downloaded a jillian michaels podcast last nite. I think shes awesome and has a incredible energy about her...anyway she has a radio station in the states and u can download her podcasts...so i got her podcast and listened to it last night for 30 minutes while marching on the spot while holding arm weights.

I think im also again starting to focus on what the weight loss can give me...that future...where i can travel if i want...meet a partner (this is a huge goal for me) i think when i was not eating good i was saying to friends...im too old to get involved with someone now...im too set in my ways....im content with being single....and yeh i am content....but im NOT happy with that part of my life...when i was with my ex...there was a happiness you can only get when your with someone who just makes you happy...and i do want that again. one day LOL

I will be weighing in on tuesday morning so tuesday afternoon I will update the journal again with my weight loss...ive been good...altho today ive picked a lil...but only gone over by about 4 points and i have been very very good this week...and had already saved 1.5 points plus i would have prolly earnt 2 points yesterday so im not too concerned, okies work tomorrow so im off to make a salad for lunch tomorrow...then a shower before i call it a early nite =]

Well things are going good. I have been fully on track and also tracking ! (dont die of shock tania lol) I sneaked a peak at the scales today and things are moving in the right diection. Even managed to have a yiros and stay within points. Tonight I am going to cook a nice pot of bolognaise. Tomorrow I am off altho sunday I am working and tomorrow I am going out garage saleing. Which is always a bit of exercise. not really a hell of a lot to write...so will get back to work...enjoy your weekend all =]

Well i went back to meetings last night and so glad i did. I walked in and the leader remembered me then the girl taking the money i realised was the girl who used to be the weigher at my old meeting when i lost 34 kilos...she was always so supportive so i took that as a good sign ! And so far very very good...had soy & linseed toast with vegemite for breakfast and lunch was 2 slices of soy & lin seed bread with chicken and a salad made of baby spinich leaves, a lil cheese, cherry tomatoes, parsley and cucumber was all very yummii. I have 15.5 points left...so a banana for my next snack and then my low fat carbonara recipe for dinner tonite..should all round out a good day.

I found out today i got selected for a forum...only 5 customer service reps are going and i am one of them...so yay me ! Its on the same day as I am going to see curves so should be a good day all round. Someone wanted the day off on sunday...so i did a shift swap (so i can get some double time money LOL) so i have thursday and saturday off this week.

Okies off i go back to work =]

Well after a weekend of overindulging and a lot of thinking i am going back to ww. I think my problem is i listen to others too much. I have some friends I work with...one is superhealthy...he doesnt eat any junk food...low carbs, protien and fruit and vegetables. And he has been saying to me for a while.."you need to get out of the weight watchers mode" and i have listened to him too much...Not saying his views are wrong..but weight watchers works for me...its worked for me to lose 34 kilos and NO OTHER way has managed to do that. So in preparation while biggest loser was on i have cooked some marinated chicken pieces (3 points for 150 grams) and also made up salad to go with it...which I will have for lunch tomorrow with 2 pieces of soy and linseed bread...and then after work I will go back to ww and weigh in. Who watched biggest loser?? Was such a tease it only being on a hour tonight...but im really looking forward to the season.

My old place I lived in i never took baths. The tub wasnt long enuff. I took my first one here last nite was sooooooooooooo nice. The bathroom with the bath is upstairs...where its beautiful and cool...the ceiling is like 4 metres high....and a slight breeze comes in...and so quiet....could not here anything but my tv and so lay there for like a hour reading my book...loved it...and so of course...tonite i had another LOL

I am so over summer...I need some kewler weather....and wooo hoooo greys anatomy back on next sunday night...okies off i go...enjoy the week all =]

PS tania...ive lost your email addy....can you email me when you get a chance so we can try and organise a catchup???

Well after going up last week...i have dropped 400 grams in the last 2 days =] I ahvent been doing anything special except eating 3 healthy meals and 3 snacks...nothing out of the ordinary. I have been upping the fruit (im a terrible fruit and vegetable eater) but did have 2 bananas yesterday. Ohhhh and the jessica seinfeld book is in...so i will be off to buy that tonite while doing a grocery fillip. Also planning to buy some fresh fish to cook saturday night. I am going to do the course thru WEA with the life coach,,,that starts on feb 19. I am actually enjoying the way I am doing things at the moment...no over eating or anything but i am not feeling deprived...but i am feeling in control ... which is all good.

Friday tomorrow --- YAY my first full weekend for 5 weeks...first one since going back to work after xmas so looking forward to a normal weekend, altho not a lot planned. Saturday morning have to go ahve a bloodtest done and then at 1pm i have a hair appointment...to get the mop cut and coloured (so so sooooooooooo long overdue) and it seems the issue of no desk for the computer is resolved ! yay yay. My friend Ryan has a small one they never use so he is going to give it to me...which is great cos im tiring of the lap top sitting on my lap...altho that said...i havent been using the computer much at home,,,,which is always good.

Okies... off i go...enjoy your day/night all !

well yay back here again...so thats a step in the right direction. I feel quite good about things. I actually have spent some of today reading forums on 3fatchicks.com there was one thread there on "what diet rules dont you follow" and it was interesting to see you dont have to be "perfect" to successfully lose weight. I also rang up about that new curves...it opens febuary 25 and i have a appointment for that day ! I also saw in the new WEA catalogue (not sure if WEA is aussie wide) but they have a 9 week course on 12 steps to losing weight permanantly...its run by a life coach...so im thinking i may go to that too...if i can fit it in with work...will see how it goes !

Just finished reading "little boy lost" which was a follow up to "a boy called it" was very interesting...true story and focused on the foster home system over there in yankville (thats america in case u didnt know LOL) I have another book im planning to start tonight about a (i think african) woman who was a adultress so was sentanced to be stoned to death. Hopefully in the next week or so ill get that jessica seinfeld book (waiting for it to come in to the bookstore...is on order)

Does anyone buy those magazines coles sells? great food or something theyre called (cant think of the exact name of the top of my head) they have lots of low fat recipes or recipes you could make low fat...they got sme lovely pasta and some lovely spinich salads in them...plus budget concious meals too...they are definitely worth a look at !

Okies off I go...gonna watch some tv before i head off to read for a bit before bed...

OMG ONLY 5 sleeps till the biggest loser is back YaY !!!!

Well as is me i have been thinking (and maybe overthinking) and changing things again. I did so well on the first week of lite n easy but as is the way i then fell off the wagon. I got thinking about this last nite...and read a post Nat wrote on the ww forum...where she said she has the motivation at the moment because she has real goals to focus on. So i got thinking about what my goals were back in 2006 compared to now...and i am starting to realise what it is...back then...i wanted my life back...i had visions of meeting a partner and i really wanted that...somewhere between needing to get money to move and a tax bill i started skimping on things. My hair has no had a colour for gawd knows how long...and hasnt even had a cut. I havent bought any new clothes (well cept one new t shirt) so i think this is a big part of it...i havent invested money in me...i also think i am too entrenched in ww thinking...dont get me wrong i think ww is a good plan...but in my mind the only way to be successful with ww i need to go to meetings...but especially with the way ww is cutting back on meetings thats simply not doable. This morning i was talking to a guy at work...i was telling him girls on the slightly more butch side are charismatic to me...and i was saying i dunno if im butch or what...and he was saying i should be more "princess" like...and if i was more girlie i would attract. We then got talking about ww and thru our conversation i decided no more ww...no more diet...i am gonna use that "wanting a partner" as motivation and i am going to focus on healthy living. Soon as that new curves opens up im going to join up. And i am going to steer away from low fat food as such on just focus more on healthy lviing and try and take the focus of food...so here we go...mite even rejoin pink sofa...and will email some friends who i have let contact with them slide (yes thats you tania lol)

off i go =]

Well i have pretty much decided once curves opens at sefton park i will go to it. I havent been so good the last few days...the problem has been like yesterday i took my lite n easy food to work...didnt realise the corn fritters would have actual corn ! duh me ! and so then cos i miss a food item i end up looking for other food (which ended up a scone lol) so ive prolly eaten a fraction more then i should have. Today I was running late and didnt grab the food so am doing points today...so 26 points today. I wish I could get back into that zone i was in late 2006...i just seem to have a hard time getting there but as someone on the ww forum says "fake it till you make it"

I also went to the bookstore last nite...they had run out of that jessica seinfeld book...they have some on order so i have asked for one to be put aside for me..so hopefully will get in the next few weeks.

ive got my slimming magazine here today...hopefully be quiet today so i can do some reading n get some mroe motivation...okies off i go !

OMG days off and i friggin forgot to come in here and post LOL but the good news is i lost 3.1 kilos...so yay me....im very happy with that...and just want this week to have a loss...100 grams or a kilo...as long as i string two losses together. I watched..."you are what you eat" and that really gets you thinking. I could sense I was getting a lil extra motivation just watching it...i am really looking forward to biggest loser coming back on and having that for even more motivation and drive.

Got a few more boxes unpacked yesterday which was good...really starting to get organised now. And boy I was unpacking clothes and made me appreciative of the huge built ins i have in this place. Well early night tonite...hope i can fall to sleep pretty easily as i need to be up at 5.45 am...

I am just watching a taped ep of oprah...it had jessica seinfeld on it and her recipe book on using vegetable puree...gonna go looking for the book tomorrow.

Okies off i go .... enjoy all =]

Well i am still around and going good. I have been following lite n easy religiously except on my days off...so I have come to the conclusion I will follow it on my working days but my days off i will relax a little and just aim to eat healthy. Yesterday I went garage saleing and we stopped off for lunch and had a nice healthy roll..and so I made dinner last nite too (fish and oven fries) and i came in under points ... so that is good. Was the first time i been garage saleing for a few years...and i think I have the bug back...I spent $35 and bought a terracotta strawberry pot, a old fashing piece of furniture used to store potatoes and onions, 3 books (all really good books), 7 double flat sheets - all in their original packaging - 2 sets of drawer liners, 2 videos...so was very impressed with that little haul. I will hopefully go out again in another 2 weeks.

I took a peek at the scales today...and am heading for a good loss...okies off i go...will be back here tuesday to report my loss =]

Okies I am back LOL - omg do i drive you all nuts? The windows live page while it looked nice...confused the crap out of me.

So how am I going? Pretty good...altho the honest truth is I am not following weight watchers...I have no will power at the moment...so decided to do lite n easy. I do good for 3 or 4 days then come home from work feel lazy and end up getting take away and stuffing the diet up. So today was day one and all good. The dinner I had chicken enchiladis was super yummii. I have also drunk 1.5 litres of water too.

My scales broke and I ended up having to buy new ones...so I bought some WW ones - glass ones...very nifty so my "new starting weight" is 146.7 kilos. I will update that on to the side of the journal shortly.

The unit is going very well...I feel very at home in it now. And when I open the front and back door in the evenings the most gorgeous breeze blows thru. I still have boxes and some organising to do...but getting there. I also got my wireless router...so that is all set up too...so back on line with my adsl...and i get adsl 2+ on the 24th ... YaY

Off garage saleing this weekend since I have saturday off...not a whole lot else going on...enjoy all =]

Go here ========> my new site for 2008

Well good morning all...sunday morning...and its blowing a gale outside..yesterday I went and weighed in and lost 4.8 kilos !!! omg i was wrapped...the weigher said she thought that was a record lol...anyway this week i am simply going to aim for 500 gram loss as i know my body will be realigning itself after such a big loss...only work 4 days this week then a day weekend again...starting to like these 3 day weekends LOL. Not a lot going on today...gonna relax...play a lil gammon oh and of course L word tonight...have a good sunday all =]

Well lawdie ... so much has happened...was suppose to go to my xmas show last saturday nite...but didnt go...and why not? i simply couldnt be bothered...well i think it was partly that and also stress...id been so busy last week then on saturday during the day i had time to think about tomorrows inspection and all thoughts ran thru my mind like the landlord wants to find a fault to evict me...or they are coming to pressure me...then i had also come to the realisation that maybe i should miss xmas at streaky this year and get this whole move sorted out and i was stressing over telling my sister that. BUT emailed kerry sunday morning and she was great about it...then as it turned out my water heater was leaking on sunday so i had to call the landlord over. So when he came over he told me them wanting me out to rnovate has nothing to do with me...they are jsut sick of the strata stuff and wanna renovate sell make a profit and move on, they also said ive been a great tenant and they will give me references so thats all good. But anyway so sunday gert (jody) asks me about saturday nite .... and im like i didnt go...and she was like u arent taking ur anti depressent meds anymore are u? then talking with her i realised i needed to get things sorted out...so monday i got the script filled...talked to the doctor and i feel better already. Im excited to think tomorrow is the inspection and once thats over thats one less thing on my mind. And heres the realllllllly good news....ive found a apartment i like...its in walking distance to work,....looks small from the photos but really nicely done out...so am waiting for a call to say when i can go look at it. YAY The current tenants move out on 15/12 so with luck i can get it and move in while on my xmas leave.

Ive been doing really good with my points...i wanted to lose 3 kilos this week and fingers cross i make it...ive sneaked a peek at the scales...i will definitely have a loss when i weigh in on saturday...its just a case of how much, and only one more day and i have a 3 day weekend...last time i had more then 2 days off was when i was on leave in july and ended up sick ! So am really looking forward to some relaxing days....okies will be back saturday to report the loss !

Oh and one other piece of good news...i won a 12 month subscription to LOTL (lesbians on the loose) its a australian magazine...kinda like the cosmopolitaion for lesbians LOL and i won one (worth about $72) so thats a good thing maybe my luck is changing ! lol

Well itssssssss done ! I went back to ww and yes i had put on (surprise surprise) im not gonna post how much i put on cos this is suppose to be all about a new start and i infact want to forget how much i HAVE lost so i dont think wow how good am i? i dont need to work at this anymore...so i will keep a tally of the losses from today but thats all (of course those on the ww site will see it in my profile but thats ok) we are halfway thru the day and so far so good...altho the killer of course will be tonight at the work xmas show. Its fancy dress (after much debate im going as punky brewster) and its also a set menu with all the beer wine and softdrink u can drink...im gonna attempt to stick to diet coke but we will see what happens of course.

Not much else to really say...will be back tomorrow to let ya all know how tonight goes LOL

Okies so it all seems to be happening ! lol busy busy! Got a letter from the landlord yesterday they are doing a inspection next thursday so im busy getting the house all super clean and tidy...which is kinda good seeing im back at ww this saturday so a fresh start for everything. Last nite I cleaned up all the kitchen...floors and all...and also went thru the pantry and threw out all bad foods. So i am all quite prepared and so nice the kitchen all spotless, tonight i am gonna get the lounge room all tidy, and dust and vac etc. And i just got ALL my annual leave over xmas confirmed today...the last day i work is december 21 and i dont go back to work till 5 january - 2 weeks off !!! yay. And so i will be spending xmas in streaky and then back for my birthday and then i already have plans for new years eve ! OMG can you believe it? This is the chick who hasnt been out on new years eve for a million years, but my friend ryan from work, him and his partner are having a NYE bash so i will be going to that - wow that practically is like having a real social life LOL.

I have a unit i may be interested in...sent a email to the real estate agent today...theyve emailed back saying they dont know when a open inspection will be but hopefully it will be at a time i can make - cos the best thing is its only $140 a week - which only paying $140 a week would really help to get the tax bill paid off and then to save up for a deposit to buy a place.

Okies not much else going on - back to work for me - enjoy !

Okies what I have learnt this week is I suck at weight loss unless I go to meetings. So I am going back this week...on saturday. Since i am going to eventually be going to the salisbury meeting once I have moved early next year I figure I might as well attend that meeting at least for the first one. Plus i have never been to that meeting...so new meeting mite be good as well...see if its a decent leader. I actually wanna get to how I feel when im losing weight successfully, i think in some ways i rest on my laurels...yanno become a bit of a knowall and think well ive lost so and so kilos so im fine...instead of really focussing on getting that end result. I am starting to notice the effects of eating bad...i always find when i eat bad i tend to become clumsy and it feels like a effort to be active, and ive noticed ive been like that the last few days - so definitely time to get things back on track.

I went to the feast picnic yesterday...gawd was so hot...i wore anticancer foundation 30+ sun cream and still managed to get sunburnt...by the time i got home i was all hot and felt sick...which i think was from dehydration well that and that i am getting old LOL to be honest things with loud music and drinking are losing appeal with me, i prefer just nice nites out for dinner etc...i think the whole drinking nites i mite give up for a while...cos to be honest i simply dont enjoy them.

But the good news is...i got my holidays at xmas time so i will be heading over to streaky bay YAY i was gonna have the first week in december off but thats all now changed. This weekend i have a big weekend...the ww meeting saturday morning, saturday night my work xmas show down at glenelg and on sunday meeting up with my friend Laura for lunch,,,me and laura havent seen each other for about 4 years so really looking forward to that. Okay i will be back on the weekend sometime to update - enjoy ur week all !

Well the decision has been made! Back to ww next week. Ive stuffed around for months...its time to get serious and make my weight loss a priority again. Its seriously really time to focus on "me" and i think ever since shortly before I got sick that priority has been lost. I would so love to lose 20 or so kilos by next xmas so that is the aim by xmas 2008 to be down to around 120 kilos...the other aim is to get a gf in that time ! And if not a actual relationship...at least a couple of dates...which means its time to get out there a bit more. Funny how when im not focussed on my weight loss i start to become a hermit again...but not more. So thats the extent of my post...not a long one as its early to bed for me tonite...7.30am start for me tomorrow ! ni ni !

Well I am back and my stomach seems on the improve. I got up and did dishes yesterday and that gave me quite a bit of pain. But today the pain is less so it must be improving...eating healthy is prolly helping too. Tomorrow and wednesday are my days off. Thankfully...its going to be 27 tomorrow instead of 39...so the mp3 player is gonna be switched on and i am going to walk around to mums and hang out with her for a bit. The rest of my two days off not a lot of planned besides the norm, washing, cleaning etc. I always wanna finish packing another couple of boxes.

Ive been eating healthy the last few days altho not counting points or watching my portion size...specially at dinner time. So thats todays challenge...which should be quite easy considering im working till 10.30pm tonite so will be taking a ww meal to work.

So far the scales have only budged a couple of hundred grams but its only been two days so I cant really complain.

Oh sunday is the feast picnic ! So looking forward to this. Its the gay and lesbian final event for feast...and ive never been to it before but heard non stop talk about it. So will be meeting up with felicity and her friend tan for that...should be fun.

Not a whole lot else to say...except...thanks for popping by =]

Well..i weighed in...141.5 kilos so a gain of 3.2 kilos after 6-8 weeks of chit eating..which is not too bad really. i actually thought id be around 145 kilos...and was just praying to be under 145 ... so all is good. I woke today with more stomach pain...i went did the grocery shopping early but was feeling faint...so i called in sick and went to the docs thinking it was the gall bladder thing again. Anyway he thinks its actually a ulcer that gets inflamed from taking nurofen. And before when id had the attacks i had taken nurofen in the week before due to a severe migraine...so things are starting to make sense now. Gawd i started this post yesterday(saturday) and never finished it. Anyway all else is good ... survived first day back on track - now onto day 2 - enjoy all

I'm back !!! Gawd im so ready to get back on track. And its been so long since I have updated - to be honest i was tired of writing in my journal...it was feeling like a chore and so in some ways i feel i needed a break. A lot of things felt on top of me but now the refocus is getting back on me :)

I have just started packing my house up ! OMG what a chore - and there is only one of me. I will be looking for a place first week in december but once i find a place i wanna move in pretty quickly. So yesterday I started packing...I am on to box 3 and over it all already LOL but it will be worth it once I have moved.

Work has been going good - in fact I have won 3 awards at work in the last 4 weeks - wooo hooo yay me !

Friday I am completely back on track...i will weigh in (i expect to be back around 145 kilos) and get the focus back...its kinda hard to do it whilst I am packing...and I had planned to wait till i moved...but i have had some strange sensations in my upper stomach in the last week or so which worries me its the gall bladder so i need to get back on track - i will be back on friday to update !

I have moved my journal to a new address - click here see you all there !

Well..core was fun while it lasted lol...ive come to the conclusion (once again) that points works best for me. So i am back on points...but im still gonna try and lean towards core in eating whole grain bread...beefing up my fruit and vegetables etc.

Friday night we are going to the wheaty ! YaY ! I havent been out for ages what with working evenings and nights....so me and felivity are meeting up for dinner in o'connell street and then heading off to meet some friends at the wheaty...which as felicity said there will be lesbians everywhere lol...friday night is apparantly girls nite at the wheaty. So im really looking forward to a fun evening.

I have also come to the conclusion im not committment phobic...jody said to me the other nite..."your picky but you just havent met the one who rocks your socks" lol and shes prolly right...i know im a fussy so and so...im just not gonna get involved with just anyone....but time will tell.

Well not much else to say...except...im on track...enjoy ur nite all

well let me just say wooo hoooo.....okies im "mostly" doing core....i am eating more fruit and vegetables then normal. And ive really cut back on the processed snacks and cheese (mmmm) but im not completely doing core...im not gonna stress over having cornflakes instead of special K for example...but whenever i calculate the points ive had with core they are equealling about 21-22 and as im on 25 points that works for me. Tonight im having tacos yummmi... AND i am going to see powder finger wednesday night at the entertainment centre --- for free...some friends offered me and felicity a ticket each so will go check that out. Works out well as i am finishing at 3.30pm on wednesday. Not much else is going on...another couple of hours and i am finished with work for the day enjoy all

well okay lil ms slack ass is finally making a post ! well was kinda bad last week...but friday started core. And well hears the lesson for all...you increase your fibre ---- drink lots of water !!!! omg i didnt and i had the worst freaking pain today. But i am finding the core good...im not craving foods...and i can still spend 3 points a day on different things. Anyway so went to the docs today cos it was giving me so much pain...the doc poked and prodded ... told me my gall bladder is still sensitive...and said hes not surprised by that considering how much weight ive lost...and he expects ill eventually end up having it out. He then checked his records...and by their scales i had previously been 171.3 scales...so he was super impressed with my weight loss...he told me my BMI has decreased by 12....so equivilent to a small person...so thats all good news. tomorrow i am off...gonna do some housework....and just relax...and sleep innnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn. All else is going good...altho over the last few weeks ive established i am committment phobic lol i mite write more about that another time...okiessssssssss im off !

Well i havent been here for a bit have i? To be honest im expecting a gain of maybe a couple of kilos this week...TTOm is due and ive had terrible cravings and fluid retention and omg so much moodiness LOL i was always really run down this week. But here is the good news...cos i was run down i went to the docs for some blood tests...as my liver needed to be retested anyway and the doc wanted to retest me for PCOS and also see if i ahd a virus (which i did/do have) anyways....my liver should be a maximum of 130....in july it was 322 (eeeeek) well this week its dropped to 189 which is a huge improvement. Also...they retested the PCOS...and get ready for it...i barely have it anymore...doc says its practically non existant so what im doing is the right thing. Anyway will go weigh in on wednesday get the dreaded news then on friday i start on core...

Im going to see missy higgins ! So exciting. Felicity told me last nite to keep dec 7 free as she bought me a ticket to see missy higgins for my bday....so ooo la la that will be fun.

There is really not a lot else to say...altho its 12.30am and im still at work ... another 30 minutes and i can go home thankfully...enjoy ur weekend all !

Well day off today....and im still sitting here in my dressing gown lol@ 2pm hahahah how lazy eh? Well not really ive been pottering around taking care of house work, washing the linen and towels...but right now im watching oprah and ready, steady, go is on next lol love that show !

Yesterday i walked from my place up to sefton park which is about a 25 minute walk. And i have had no heel pain so i think i can start walking more, and when i go back to the gym think i mite start using the ole treadmill. Anyway ive decided the 4 weeks im on day shift i will be doing core...and the 4 weeks i dont i will do points...it will keep my body guessing plus i think both plans have their place.

Watched the first episode of season 2 of L word yesterday...ooo la la....hot hot hot ;)

I spoke to leonie last nite about going over in march. I need to decide now where to look for accomodation...i can prolly afford 4-5 nites accomodation...id like to stay in sydney i think..altho the wedding is near glebe and leonie lives about 6 train stations out of the city...so maybe id be better to stay at a hotel local to leonie. Ahhhh decisions, decisions. One thing i definitely wanna do whilst there is go down oxford street and do some shopping ;)

Okie dokie ready steady cook is on...off i go ! ciaooooooooo

Well tonite has been a interesting nite - and good news for once ! lol I grew up in sydney went to a lil school called holsworthy primary,,,,anyway i had a best friend whose name was kerrie....as we got older we grew apart a lil...and i actually become better friends with her younger sister leonie. well tonite via schoolfriends reunited website leonie messaged me. She still lives in sydney...and is engaged and getting married next march and wants to send me a invite to her wedding :) i have been thinking about going to sydney again for a while...i loveeeeeeee sydney...love wandering around circular quay...love the lesbian & gay lifestyle that is there...love the shopping and all the stuff there is to do. So Leonie is getting married on march 22...so...ive got 7 months to lose more weight ! what a great extra incentive. The weight i am currently is about the same weight i was when i last saw leonie (altho when me and jody were comparing photos the other week ... we think i look slimmer now at this weight then i did back then - prolly cos of the exercise) To have something to look forward to like this is awesome...so time for next big decision ! LOL....****CORE**** yep i am gonna start the core plan. I am gonna read up on it this week...but after i go to weigh in on wednesday i will try it for the next week and see how i go (i think as i slowly drop down to lower points i need to eat more low point and natural foods) and i really need to up the ante of my walks...tomorrow i am going to walk from mums up to main north road...not a huge walk but it will start me going...ooooo im excited to think i can plan a lil trip away...i think this is good and something i really need at the moment la la la la la la !!!

Well to say i was thrown into a bit of a spin last nite by realising that was X...is the understatement of the year...its bizarre. I mean apart from the fact to be playing games like that online and coming on under another name is not the "x" i knew...i would not have thought her capable of that (even tho there has been suggestions of it in the past) and even tho it makes me think...wow i really am better off without her (ive never been a fan of game playing) theres still that part of me that thinks about what it was like when she was here and all those hours we would chat on the phone...which were blissful...but then there was a lot of things about our relationship that didnt work...and i think i really need to focus on why it didnt work...cos i think thats soemtimes what prevents me moving on. I mean lol i ahve come up with some pretty weak excuses for not getting to know other women (ie financial situation) and i really should be COMPLETELY at the point of moving on. So its all very strange...and i prolly ate about 7 points too many last nite...but completely back on track today. I am working this weekend and next weekend and then i get some weekends off YaY !!!am really looking forward to some normality..this working evenings and working weekends is really quite strange (even tho its nice sleeping in...altho i did overtime this morning so i was up with the birds at 7am)

On the 18th me and felicity are going to see hairspray...which should be really good ive wanted to see that movie for months since oprah had the cast on her show.

okies thats about it for today....ciao :)

okies i have to post this cos this is so friggen funny ! I have a certain X we will call her "X" anyway love of my life and all that jazz...and she doesnt keep in touch with me anymore (ive made several attempts and i get very cordial formal replies) so anyways yeh so i go into the chat room i dunno a month or so ago and this chick who uses the name "passi0n" starts talking to me...and we talk for several days...shes very flirtatious etc but im not really paying attention cos im not interested in someone overseas...but i did think at the time this chick has some of the qualities i usually find hard to resist. Anyway then after about 4 days she disappears...well this chat program has a new thing where u can look up someone elses name and find out what other names they use in in chat...and me being the curious gotta stick my nose into everything kinda chick i am....pops "passi0n"s name into and lo and behold whats her other freaking name???? Yup its X hahhahahahha man i swear i nearly fell out of my chair...no wonder when i chatted to her and said i had plans one day she wanted to know if it was a date or not lol okies...im gonna go plop my ass down somewhere and just laff about this for a hour or two ;)

PS for all those wondering...yes X is THE ex your all thinking off ! lol

wooo hooo managed to knock another 1.4 kilos off today...taking me to a grand loss of 34.1 kilos...which is now the most weight ive ever lost...and only 900 grams off my 35 kilos would be so nice to reach that next week. (for all you yanks who read my journal thats a loss now off 75.02 pounds wooo hooo. All else is going okie dokie (okies maybe a few dramas but i aint gonna bore u all with that lol) Today i am off as well as tomorrow...tomorrow afternoon will be a big study time...this afternoon im planning to do washing, cleaning and this evening i am planning to relax and watch some tv. series one of l word ended last sunday nite...series 2 starts this weekend soooooooooooooooo good....and someone (maybe felicity?) kept asking me have i seen ivan on the show yet...well i did the other nite...lol...very kewl character ;) !

Okies off i go to do these chores and eat my fish for lunch...enjoy your day all