Sunday, July 16, 2017

Update July 16 2017

I have been a lil absent of late...not just on this blog....but no weight loss/fitness talk on instagram/fb etc either.

As it turns out I have been sick. I had laryngitis & pharyngitis and whilst most of that is gone...I still have a hoarse voice and a cough which just wont quit.

Its been hard....getting thru my days. I cough so much its tiring....and as I work in a call centre...talking with a hoarse voice is super tiring as well.

So the gym has not been possible :( its been over 3 weeks since I have done any form of exercise. (Even a small walk to a different room in the house and I am coughing)

I am currently into week 4 of this illness and my doctor has told me it could be up to 8 weeks till i am over this. During the second week (which was when I was SUPPOSE to go to sydney) I got very disappointed. Disappointed I couldnt make the trip and that it felt like my weight loss was on hold. So I did have a couple of days of track. They werent binges....but i wasnt on track. I had got down to 113.5 kilos and ended up back at 117.5 kilos.

Since then I have been sticking to the eating plan but not drinking all my water (Im just plain too tired) and sucking on a LOT of soothers everyday.

Anyway I went to my doc on friday night (he knows my weight loss history) and told him I need to be able to stop relying on the soothers as its too many calories. So I am already taking somac ( for silent reflux) and ventolin, but also now he put me on another puffer called tilade and to help minimise the cough I am now taking panadeine forte 3 times a day. When I had a cough that lasted about 3 months in 2014 i took the same thing to help. So far today no lozenges :) The only problem with panadeine forte is i do retain fluid from it...but hopefully my body will adapt and not retain too much fluid.

Ive been very much of the attitude I guess...no exercise so not likely i can lose weight. But today Ive decided enough is enough. Going by my doctor its not likely I will be back at the gym till late august/early september...So friday I was 117.2 kilos...I am going to set a goal by the time I go back to the gym to be back at 113.5 kilos. 6 weeks to lose 3.7 kilos should hopefully be doable. It would still give me a chance to eat my year end goal of being double digits. So sticking to my plan and going back to drinking 4 litres water per day.

This is one of those points where the mentality side of weight loss is a HUGE factor. I mean it is always a huge factor but at the moment it feels a bigger part. Specially when all I really want to do is go back to the gym!!

Last night I went and saw the musical "Matilda" which was fabulous. I bought a XL ladies t shirt from it as well....it doesnt fit me yet....but its another goal :)

As i always promise i will be back posting more regularly! lol i promise! ;)

Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Weight loss struggles :)

I keep promising to be better at blogging but then keep forgetting! LOL. Admittedly my computer died and I have only just bought a new one the last few days.

I did want to write a post about the struggle. I am not struggling currently - I am doing remarkbly well :) and its fabulous when you read a blog and see someone succeeding - but there is usually a significant number of people reading that blog that are searching for answers with their struggling.

Now, I am in no way saying I have the answers. I have a experience and am going to talk about my own experience with struggling.

As most know I lost 94 kilos between 2006-2011. Life was great. I felt fit (altho admittedly I was definitely over exercising). My goal was to get to 76 kilos...I got to 79 kilos and after months of being stuck there I decided that was my number and I was going to stop losing weight.

So if you are going into "maintenance" surely you have a plan right? Nope. No plan. My only plan was to be "normal" and just eat. Over the next 6 months or so I gained about 7 kilos back but I was still pretty happy with where I was at, but there was definitely some guilt starting in the back of my mind.

Then life decided to smack me in the face. Mum passed away, then 3 months later I broke my wrist (probably the biggest factor in losing my motivation), a good friend passed away and then my house was broken into - all in a matter of 13 months.

Weight loss became a minor priority. I was still going to the gym (altho the trainer I had at the time was a hinderance more then anything) my eating was getting more and more out of control. The more it got out of control and the bigger I got - the more negative feelings I had about myself. I was not only suddenly over 100 kilos, but I had gone from the confident "i love my life" person to a person filled with guilt, feeling ashamed and humiliated.

I really hated the person I was becoming and how I felt. My fitness was slowly going downhill, I started stepping away from my friends, social media - everything! I remember one night going thru my facebook and deleting over 100 people of it! As most know ... when you lose weight/gain weight ...the more you hide....the bigger you become. When eating and tv watching is your solace...there is no where to go then for the scales to go up!

So how did I get myself back on track? Honestly there was no step by step plan...but looking back now I can see how I managed to do it.

Initially it started with me acknowledging that i was humiliated/embarrassed/ashamed....I was playing around with you tube back in those days and ended up making a video where basically I admitted it (the video no longer exists). I put it out there...that i was embarresed and humiliated. Putting it out there was the first step. I had previously been the weight loss queen...I lost my identity somewhere along the way and I just needed to admit where things stood.

I made that video over a year ago. Not long after I decided I needed a clean slate and left the gym I was going too. I decided to join a local goodlife....I had for a short period time a few years earlier attended there and even had a personal trainer. The personal trainer was great so I contacted her to see if she would train me again - thankfully she said yes :)

Initially when I went back to the gym in May 2016 I had only one goal. After 6-12 months of skipping the gym a LOT, I decided the only goal at this point was to attend the PT sessions, and only skipping the session when I was on deaths doorstep! lol I did pretty good with this. I rarely missed any sessions. WINNING.

Whilst I was doing the PT sessions I was still gaining weight. By September 2016 I hit my highest in the regain of weight of 133.6 kilos. Once again I decided to try and get myself on track. I lost a few kilos and decided to join the gyms 8 week challenge. I started it and got to about week 7 and then lost the plot. I had got down to about 123 kilos and then regained over a few weeks to 129 kilos.

A few weeks after the challenge I had a BIG chat with my trainer and we made some changes, we decided she would send me workouts for when I am in the gym when I am there for no PT session, we would weigh weekly and I would try and get back on track (this was around December 18 2016)

I kinds got on track. It was xmas time after all. So by January 1 I was down to 126.1 kilos. At this time I decided to do the gyms 12 week challenge which started in March, and also my trainer mentioned a company she had heard of called Equalution.

I started the 12 week challenge having lost a few more calories. I was pumped. I had the meal plan and followed it to a T. That first week I lost 3 kilos (woo hoo) but over the next 3 weeks I was slowly gaining it back. I was SO frustrated. I knew I was eating what I was told to eat, I knew I was exercising - but in all honesty just wasnt feeling this eating program was right for me.

I felt I needed a program that was quite specific in telling me what to eat but I knew I needed to eat foods I enjoy. For a few months I had been researching Equalution. I read thru their entire facebook page, checked out the #equalution hash tag on instagram and read thru their website. My gut instinct was to try Equalution but it was expensive and I wasnt positive it would work for me. But then one morning I woke and knew it was what I needed to try. So i messaged my trainer and told her my plan, and signed up for Equalution.

I can now say (I am on week 14) without a doubt it has been the best decision i have EVER made.

Prior to equalution I was very restrictive with my food, eating low calories, not eating grains in the evenings, not eating processed meats, not eating asian sauces, restricting dairy (specifically cheese), vigilantly monitoring my sodium.

I never felt satisfied. I was always hungry and looking for new ways I could fit more foods into my limited calorie budget. I would often eat well for a few days and then binge.

I decided on a thursday to start Equalution the following monday and in the two days before that I definitely binged. From memory it was pizza, garlic bread, chips, and chocolate.

I started on that monday morning March 20. From my very first day I have never felt a inclination to go off track (trust me this has NEVER happened to me before), I was eating yummy foods, healthy and considered not so healthy. I noticed not only was I losing on the scales and centimetres I was developing a better relationship with food. I wasnt worried when something was high in sodium or wasnt concerned when I ate pasta in the evening :) Things were going great and continue to go great.

So how did I get back on track in the end? I identified the "emotional issue" that was preventing me of being productive and proactive, I got the exercise in check and then I eventually found what worked for me nutrition wise. What works for me wont necessarily work for you - thats the most important thing - find what works for you (from the girl who was previously considering weight loss surgery!)









Sunday, June 04, 2017

Sunday June 4 2017

So I weighed in on Friday morning and gained 500 grams taking me back to 114.5 kilos, but the girls think that is related to a increase in cortisol from returning to the gym - so all good.

While I returned to the gym this week I only did my PT sessions (slack kazz!) but this week I really need to get my chit together. I am going to try for monday-thursday then next sunday night. I must admit with it being so cold at the moment...Im not inclined to want to go to the gym...instead I just want to go home and get warm and watch TV. But this weight loss is a priority so need to get my ass into gear.

I was thinking this week about how when I gained the weight over the last 4-5 years how I "hid". I deleted a lot of people off facebook (like I am talking well over 100 in one sitting, not cos they did anything wrong but simply cos I felt humiliated). Gaining the weight was really embarrassing, and I dont think until recently I realised how much it impacted me. My blog was a big part of my journey, but then i went on a hiatus....for a long time now I have kept my facebook very locked down and only really been publicly on instagram. Its a lot easier on instagram....its a pic with a small caption. I am not sitting there writing about my journey and all the feels that come with it. But that said I think its start to come out of the social media ban more. My facebook group I deleted at the time and I have not been very active on - but want to get more active on it (If interested in following it the link is https://www.facebook.com/kazzsjourney/Kazzs Journey  or simply search for "kazzs journey" on facebook. There were goals years ago...to become a personal trainer....to have a supportive website (forums etc) for people to get support on weight loss journeys especially 100+ kilos....and i would have eventually liked to do meetups in different states and maybe even NZ too...those goals have been dormant for a LONG time! I didnt even realise those goals were still there. At the moment my focus is on me....and getting back to a healthy weight....but they are definitely goals that are way more in the forefront of my brain. (Maybe even a ebook about my journey down the path?) So yes I plan to be a lot more prominant on facebook...instagram....and maybe at some point you tube.

Tomorrow I am off and will be spending most of the day watching my niece play netball as part of sapsasa. Its so cold here I think I am gonna have to rug up super warm! I will also be taking my meals and snacks...so no going off track. Interestingly since I started doing Equalution (I am in week 12) I have only eating lunch out once...(and that day I forgot my chicken for the day) every other day has been a lunch I have prepped at home and have only eaten dinner out twice....I think both these things have helped me with my losses (cos lets face it I am not a speedy loser!)

So if you want to follow me on any social media here is how you can find me:

My Fitness Pal : My username is itskazzsjourney
Facebook: The url is https://www.facebook.com/kazzsjourney/
Instagram: My username is kazzsjourney

Right off to do some work :)

Sunday, May 28, 2017

Update :) May 28 2017

I swear everytime I update this blog its a case of "Been forever since I posted" lol I am such a slack blogger ;)

My weight loss is going good. As of my weigh in on friday I was down to 114 kilos :) Late September last year I was 133.6 kilos and on January 1 I was 126.1 kilos so super happy with that number. My goal of being double digits this year is certainly do able,

I am still doing flexible dieting thru Equalution and it is going very well. Exercise wise tho I haven't been 100% the last 10 days or so, so apart from the occassional walk I haven't done any exercise for about 10 days. But back to it all tomorrow. The weight loss has stalled the last week or so which I am putting down to lack of exercise so hopefully that will start progressing again.

I am also still eating 2000 calories a day...so losing while eating this much is great. I must admit tho I drink a LOT of water LOL....5 litres per day to be exact :)

Its funny when you gain weight (for me anyway) I stop caring...like watching tv and pigging out on food is the priority and things like taking care of myself, my home, socialising etc they all take a back seat. And its funny especially the last few weeks I have noticed I am wanting to get my life more on track.

My hair has not been cut for months (not since last october)...the eyebrows have not been waxed....I have not bought many clothes. I have been saying for like a year I need a new mattress....and I have neglected any thoughts of getting out there dating and socialising.

So I have been back on pink sofa and also another site called zoosk. For once I have been actually messaging some girls. I would like to make some friends...as well as maybe start having the occassional date. Of course then when I start to think about dating....well the house needs thoughts. I dont have a dining room table (and really no room for one) but I dont even have a coffee table...IF i did date someone how could I invite them over for dinner? lol I need a coffee table at least...I want to brighten the house up....get a new mattress (lol)....just sort of get my chit together lol.

So next week I will organise a hair dressers appointment and will try and get my eyebrows waxed tomorrow :)

I do get my bonus from work shortly....so some of that will be used for "getting my chit together" lol

Its also just over 5 weeks till i go to Sydney! I am so excited for this trip. I am hoping by then I will be under 110 kilos....but no matter what...Ill be a lot closer to fitting nicely into a seat then the last time I flew :)

Whilst over there i have a few things planned. I am getting a Dexa scan done...I am planning to go to taronga zoo....and hoping to get some walks in as well....and the other super exciting thing is I am going to be catching up with my best friend from primary school/highschool...its about 25+ years since we have seen each other so that will be super exciting :)

Also after YEARS of not going to see musicals cos I was worried about fitting in the seats....I have booked to go see "Matilda" with a friend of mine. So we are heading off to do that on July 15.

TV show wise I am totally addicted to Wentworth....if you watch it I am so heart broken over Bridget (and have a major crush on Libby Tanner lol) ... I am also watching All Saints...which I have never seen before...definitely overdosing on Libby Tanner at the moment haha :)

So back to the gym tomorrow...I will have a PT session. Time to knuckle down!

Sunday, April 16, 2017

Business end of easter :)

Happy easter all!

I have done superwell and hit a new low this morning of 116.8 kilos - amazing!

I love how well I am currently doing. Which I put mostly down to doing "iifym" - otherwise known as "if it fits in your macros". I think I previously mentioned I go thru a company called Equalution. They have me on high calories (2100 cals a day).  They give me a meal plan each week which is pretty high in protein but also incorporates things like home made chicken burgers, pizza, chicken carbonara - which I love I just dont have a desire at all to go off track. And each week I can tell them of any "food requests" which they incorporate into my meal plan. Like this week being Easter I asked them to incorporate hot cross buns....so I have had a hot cross bun with butter each day...completely guilt free which has allowed me to participate in the same thing as my co workers and not feel I am missing out.

Its been really free-ing. After years of micromanaging my nutrition....having a certain number of grain free meals per day, watching my sodium, cutting out certain products and only going for "healthy options" when eating out....I am getting that in moderation no food is bad.

The other week I went out for dinner so they did what they call a "social adjustment" - so I basically sent them a menu of the restuarant I was going too, told them what I would prefer to have and they worked out my days eating - by dinner time that night I am eating half a 12 inch bbq chicken pizza :)

So yes its all going well...I had hot cross buns....i had a few bits of chocolate...I really cannot complain....and at the business end of the easter weekend i am very happy.

Mentally I am in a good place as well. As i gained the weight between 2013-2016 i really felt a lot of shame. I was the "weight loss queen" an inspiration to so many and then suddenly I lost it and was a obese woman lacking control. I am still classified as obese but I dont feel obese. I am active. Really starting to make progress with my fitness and strength. I eat well...binge free...and have a real good nice balance of moderation.

At this age I have also realised so much the importance of health. I am 49 its prolly a age where you are more inclined to get some kind of illness. I am hoping by the end of the year to be what I consider "healthy" - I felt healthy when in the 90 kilo range. I often had people comment you look like you weigh less then how ever much I weighed. When I look back at photos at the time....no I wasnt a size 10...I was a size 14-16 in clothes but I felt and looked good...and i really had a healthy appearance.

At this stage i am super keen to get under 110 kilos. Not because of clothes or anything but because I remember going from 109 to 111 kilos and it was like over night i was like...woah ive really gained weight....when under 110 kilos while i knew i had gained weight it didnt at this point feel like it was out of control.

Okay enough rambling! Have a good night all :)

Friday, April 14, 2017

Weigh in day :)

Wooop! wooop! Super successful weigh in day....lost 1.4 kilos :) Down to a new low since i got back on track of 117.3 kilos. So, so happy with that....I think drinking 3 litres of water a day definitely made a difference.

So I dont think I have posted about my goals for this year. There is one main one...to get to double digits/lose 30 kilos. So on January 1 I weighed 126.1 kilos...if I lose 30 kilos I will be around 96 kilos....but as long as I am under 100 kilos I will consider it a successful year! So I need to be as close to 10 kilos lost by end of April as possible....so I have lost 8.8 kilos so far this year. So the goal is to lose another 1.2 kilos by april 30. My cycle is due ..... but fingers crossed I can still hit that goal. The goal after that is to be under 110 kilos by the time I fly to Sydney (I fly there July 3) so focus, focus, focus.

Exercise wise I did 3 sessions this week (had a migraine which meant i couldnt train last night)

My gym started open 24/7 as of tuesday....so this weekend I can try after work on saturday and sunday :)

Not really much else to say. I ate good. I drank 3 litres of water. I exercised. I lost weight lol....if only every week could be so simple!

Have a good easter all :)

Sunday, April 09, 2017

Why I decided to come back to my blog

After so long without writing on here and I guess losing followers I guess the question is why I decided to get back to writing in my blog. In a lot of ways blogs are kinda old hat....people are a lot more visual these days taking to things like instagram and you tube.

I personally love instagram....its quick, fast and easy. I can snap a pic...post a sentance or two and interacted with my followers. The you tube thing I tried BUT its a lot of time and effort! I just dont really have the time for it and dont feel i have the followers base for something like that.

The blog is in between. It takes a bit of time to write up a post but it doesnt take HOURS of editing and then uploading to the net.

One of the benefits of the blog before was not only did I have a history of my weight loss journey I could read back on but it allows you to say what you are really thinking. Without looking at someones face and thinking "oh did they think i was bad for saying that" it allows you in your own space to put your own thoughts and words...in your own space.

Weight loss is such a mental journey. Hard as you try if you dont have the right mental place...then you will struggle and it is kinda like battling a up hill battle. I tried for the last few years to convince myself that i "had no option" that I had to lose the weight and had to lose it right there and then. But internally i wasnt there...I could say those words to myself but in all honesty i didnt believe it. Over the last few months I believe it and it is a huge priority to me at the moment, but at the same time I also understand that weight loss isnt everything...I dont want to get to the end of my life and think....wow I wasted years thinking, planning, and plotting weight loss....and I missed out on other things....I dont want that. I want to be totally dedicated to my weight loss whilst fitting in trips away, catching up with friends, having experiences while balancing out weight loss vs the fun of life.

On to weight loss....I did weigh in yesterday. I gained 100 grams but lost 1cm from my arms, waist and thighs. My week went well tho...I stuck to the eating plan 100%....I did 4 x 1 hour walks, I did 2 PT sessions and 1 session on my own (whilst dealing with a minor bout of tendonitis in my arms and a blister on my foot)...the one thing I wasnt quite on was my water. So I am back drinking 3+ litres per day.....and the scales have since dropped so hopefully that continues. On saturday I was 118.7 kilos and this morning I was sitting at 118.2 kilos :)

I definitely had some fitness milestones this week. When I went back to personal training at Goodlife last may....one of the things I couldnt do was step ups due to it hurting my knees....this week I did step ups on to a bench without holding on to anything - didnt fall once. I also tried vertical knee raises on a exercise tower....I tried this quite a few months ago and had no chance of it. This time I did manage to hold them up for about 2 seconds. My form wasnt great tho as I was hunching my shoulders....so thats something to practice....just holding myself up on that exercise tower device.

The fails was that candice tried to get me to jog on the treadmill LOL she basically started the machine said we are jogging and then I jumped off it LOL. I seriously would love to jog on a treadmill again but I am terrified of falling and injurying myself....so i just dont! LOL

Not a lot else going on...till next time :)