Monday, September 18, 2017


On the weekend I was thinking..."why after 3-4 years of being unsuccessful at weightloss why since October 2 2016 did I suddenly manage to get back on track and start to get this weight moving"

Theres probably a lot of reasons why, but the one that really struck me was goals.

Late last year when I go back on track it was very up and down initially. Then xmas came...and I decided come Deccember 26 I was getting back on track. I was all pumped. And on boxing day morning I definitely woke up committed. January 1 was coming and I knew it was the perfect time to set some goals.

I set some big goals. One was that I wanted to get to double digits and one to lose 30 kilos.

These were big goals...goals I quite possibly wont meet. Getting to double digits is possible but getting to 30 kilos is not likely. Once I had those goals I ended up making smaller goals. In the first few months of the year it was to lose 2.5 kilos per month, and I met those goals the first few months.

Then I set a goal to be under 110 kilos by July 3. I didnt make it...I got close (before a gain). Was I disappointed? Well actually no. Of course I would have loved to hit that goal, but having that goal in mind in the months leading up to July 3, kept me on track. Setting goals and accepting you may not hit them but by keeping your eye on the prize will help you get as close to possible to that goal for me is definitely motivating and helpful.

Its something I highly recommend. Set a goal that you believe is very attainable and then set a second goal that is hard to achieve....if you dont reach that goal its ok...but working to get as close as possible to that goal will help you keep motivated and on track.

So what are my current goals? I want by November 17 to be under 105 kilos. By December 19 I want to be as close to double digits as possible (fingers cross ill be double digits - what a xmas present to me that would be!)

Saturday, September 16, 2017

Weekly Reflection #3

So today was weigh in day ... and it wasnt good! lol

Heres the situation...Ive been sick. Whilst I am getting better I am just coming to the end of the second week of being sick. This week I have been on a plethora of medications...antibiotics, panadeine forte, dimmetapp, nasonex, otrivan, ointment for my eye for conjunctivitis, tilade and ventolin! I also didnt drink much water this week and I am hormonally challenged today ;)...needless to say....I gained 4 kilos this week! Eek!

Am i stressed over it? No. I know its fluid from my cycle, lack of water and medications. Right now I am off most of the medications...just on tilade, ventolin, dimmetapp, nasonex and panadeine forte.  Today I have also got back into my water....4.5 litres drank today (which is what i normally drink) and to be honest my focus this week was just to get better.

But its a new fresh week - my aim is to knock of most of the gain I had this week. Which is a big ask considering it was 4 kilos! But if I can knock off two of it I would be aiming to be under 111 kilos this friday. My cycle has arrived but by friday I should have got rid of most of the fluid.

Not really a lot else to say as spending most of the week in bed makes for a boring week!

Enjoy this coming week all :)

Thursday, September 14, 2017

Fitness Goals

So I am still sick. Admittedly not as sick as last week....but at that point where the sickness has just drained me....and just getting thru my days is my number one goal. Today I go back to the docs to check what the results of my blood test for vitamin D was....and if it is low (as I suspect it is) I will find out how much vitamin D supplements he wants me to take. I also have not been taking my iron supplements. I havent taken them for a few years to be honest. So I am back taking them as well.

Anyways, seeing as my immune system isnt 100% at the moment I have taken a break from the gym. I want to fix my immune system and then get back to exercise. One of the things I have thought about a lot lately is what do i HONESTLY want from a gym routine. Like okay we go to the gym to lose weight but long term what is it I want? Like do i want to become a power lifter, or a runner or whatever. Not being at the gym these past few weeks its really given me a chance to think about that. And heres my honest true ultimate "fitness goals" is to be more active outdoors. And what I mean by that is....when I go to streaky bay for xmas (most years) I usually go to the beach for a bit and do boogy boarding which I really enjoy. But I would like to do more then that...year round....Id like to go kayaking, maybe take some surfing lessons, go hiking/bushwalking. A few years ago (like I think 2012) I went adventure caveing at the Janelon Caves I did a beginners caveing adventure - Id like to go back and try a intermediate one, id like to go hot air ballooning. So more then being stuck in a gym....I want to be in the outdoors going on "adventures"

I am about 10 kilos away from being double digits. One of my goals from day one of this journey in 2006 has been running. I got into running in 2012 and actually ran the city to bay in adelaide (a 12km run) but since then I have had a couple of falls on treadmills and so refuse to go on them now. But my plan is once I am down to double digits to start to do the couch 2 5km. My plan is to do it outdoors (where I work is 10 minutes from the torrens river so i think the plan will be to do it around there) I want to get to a point where a 10km run is just my thing and I could plan weekends away around running races

As to "the gym" what is my plan? Well since I want to get my immune system in tip top shape and i dont think intense workouts are the way to go im not planning to go back to the gym for a while. I am thinking the earliest will be January. My plan is tho once I am over this illness is to start walking home from work 2-3 times a week. So hopefully i can start that within a few weeks. In a ideal world...I wont preference would be to do either crossfit or F45. The more I watch these types of workouts the more I am inclined to be interested in training this way. I have been following a crossfitter on instagram and you tube by the name of craig richey. And i have just found it so motivatng. Whilst when i go to the gym and do 2 PT sessions a week is great....going and doing sessions by myself i struggle with. Like its not that im alone (in most ways i work better that way!) its more having structure to be making progress. Sure I can go and do 30 minutes of cardio and 30 minutes of strength training...but am I progressing session to session? Or am I just repeating the same thing I am doing week after week?

When I think what would I love to be able to do in the gym? Its not for me about lifting the heaviest weight...Id like to be able to do pullups (and variations of this) do a do a walking do box do yoga moves

Its taken a LONG time to come to these conclusions. As you can see none of this is about how I look. Back in 2008 when I first joined fernwood if you had asked me what it is I want out of the gym my answer would have been "to lose weight and look good". Even a year ago if you had asked me it would have been "to minimise my excess skin" now both those reasons are still valid but they are not the main reason....the main reason is so i can do a pull up or handstand and be fit and healthy enough to get outdoors and have my adventures.

Saturday, September 09, 2017

Weekly Reflection #2

Well...I have been sick as a dog this week! Started out with pharyngitis...then sinusitis...then got conjunctivitis on top of it lol

I havent worked all week altho I will go back on is the first day I have felt any improvement. My ears are still eye still sore (I am wearing sunglasses 24/7 at the moment as they seem very sensitive to light) and my nose is still blocked but by keeping up nasal sprays thats become tolerable.

I also found this week my stomach was getting full very quickly. Which has meant its taken me a long time to eat some meals and getting my water in a struggle. But for the most part I have got my water in (only didnt yesterday)

So my loss for this week was.....*drumroll* 1.8 kilos!!! So I dropped down to 109 kilos. Crazy to think its less then 10 kilos till I will be double digits. This week tho I wont expect a big loss. My cycle is about to happen and i am just drained from this illness...I will be wrapped if I manage a 500 gram loss this week.

On friday when I went to the docs I asked him why I have been getting sick so often lately, he believes its from low vitamin D. So I ended up having a blood test and go back friday for the results. Because of this I have decided...if my doc confirms it is low vitamin D and i am guessing i will start taking supplements of vit D, but until I get my vitamin D level to normal levels I wont be going to the gym. It will be a lot more beneficial if I just get out and walk in the sunshine. So my plan is to walk home from work (which takes about a hour) most days. I need to get over this current illness....and once I am done with that ill build up the walking to 4-5 days per week.

Not a lot else going on - have a good weekend all :)

Monday, September 04, 2017


If someone you have any regrets? A lot of people would regrets cos everything in my past made me the person I am today. And that is a very true way to think. And I agree with this MOSTLY

But if you were to ask me "do you regret anything in your life?" I would say yes. I regret not standing up for myself enough.

There is a very definite memory in my brain of when I was about 16. My mum wanted me to buy a "going out outfit" so we had gone to the local big shopping centre. There was me, my mum, prolly my sister and my step dad. Now my mum always thought I didnt behave like a "lady". Now the important point is - I had no desire to be a "lady". I was constantly told "Ladies dont talk like that Karyn" or "stop doing that its not lady like" Me? No im not lady like. I would say I am a person full of contradictions. I would describe myself as tomboy-ish...I wear jeans and tshirts but I love a pretty dress on occassion...I dont wear make up unless going out....but I love pink and am obsessed with unicorns....I can get in on the smut talk as good as any guy....but I know how to say please and thank you and would always aim to treat everyone as kind as I can. I am many things but I am not lady like. So anywayyyyyyyyyyyyyy we are at a clothes STEPFATHER sees a outfit....its a gray skirt (puke), a pink and white striped shirt and a gray jacket. And they decide its the perfect outfit for me. I hated it. Hated everytime I had to put it on. And this is where regret kicks in - I knew I hated it but I went along with it. "yeah sure its nice" Why did I not say no its not for me? One i think cos i never felt anything I wanted to wear would get approval by them. Two I didnt want the conflict and three I just didnt feel I was "allowed" to be the true me. So they bought that blooming outfit and I wore it as little as possible.

I never felt I was truly me till I came out to my mum and her husband. Now this did not go well lol (understatement of the year actually!) I was told they didnt want me to talk about anyone I was dating in front of them, when I had a girlfriend flying in to visit me one time my mum told me "you know you wont be able to hold her hand" I never stood up for myself and said well this is me accept me or not. Instead I just avoided them.

My regret is not simply standing up for me....and having that big conversation and saying "this is me....accept me as I am or dont be part of my life" And I am not simply talking about being gay...I mean about the clothes I wear, about being "lady like", about not pressuring me to make purchases I didnt want to make and living my life my way not their way.

So is this a case now I have regrets of being angry and letting it negatively impact my life. No, its being aware of those regrets and ensuring those ways of thinking dont impact my life these days. Apart from doing what I am told to do at work lol...I live my life my way these days, with my rules and my expectations.

Saturday, September 02, 2017

Weekly Reflection #1

So once again I have been slack posting! But....I have plans to change that :) From now on I am planning to do a weekly post titled "weekly reflection" which will be a wrap up of the week I just had and then 1-2 posts during the week on "topics". These are not topics where I am saying people should do this or that but simply reflections on my journey, things I have noticed, more aware of or trying to change. In the past my journal was too much "i went to the gym and ate this many calories" so the journal will be different and in time I want to put it on its own domain....but for now heres my first weekly reflection....

So this week was amazeballs! I weigh in on friday mornings and 1 week ago I weighed 113.8 kilos. And this week I was 110.8 kilos :) I stuck to my plan 100% and did 2 PT sessions. ( My gym attendance definitely needs improving!) I also went out on sunday for Pizza with my friend Tania so really cannot complain.

So that loss meant I hit a few goals. Firstly it means I FLEW past 60 kilos lost from my highest weight and put me at 62.3 kilos. Since I started with equalution (I started March 21) I have lost 12 kilos and since I got back on track last October 2 I have lost a total 22.8 kilos.

I have a few goals coming up too....getting under 110 kilos has been a bit of a dream for quite a few years. I remember when I gained my weight back....getting over 110 kilos it felt like overnight I got fat (obviously thats not true...its more a mindset thing) So as well as getting under 110 kilos...the next goal would be getting to 108.6 kilos by October 2. Managing to do that would mean I lost 25 kilos over the last 12 months.

My goal for the coming week is just to lose 500 grams after such a big loss this we are gunning for 110.3 kilos :)

Sunday, July 16, 2017

Update July 16 2017

I have been a lil absent of late...not just on this blog....but no weight loss/fitness talk on instagram/fb etc either.

As it turns out I have been sick. I had laryngitis & pharyngitis and whilst most of that is gone...I still have a hoarse voice and a cough which just wont quit.

Its been hard....getting thru my days. I cough so much its tiring....and as I work in a call centre...talking with a hoarse voice is super tiring as well.

So the gym has not been possible :( its been over 3 weeks since I have done any form of exercise. (Even a small walk to a different room in the house and I am coughing)

I am currently into week 4 of this illness and my doctor has told me it could be up to 8 weeks till i am over this. During the second week (which was when I was SUPPOSE to go to sydney) I got very disappointed. Disappointed I couldnt make the trip and that it felt like my weight loss was on hold. So I did have a couple of days of track. They werent binges....but i wasnt on track. I had got down to 113.5 kilos and ended up back at 117.5 kilos.

Since then I have been sticking to the eating plan but not drinking all my water (Im just plain too tired) and sucking on a LOT of soothers everyday.

Anyway I went to my doc on friday night (he knows my weight loss history) and told him I need to be able to stop relying on the soothers as its too many calories. So I am already taking somac ( for silent reflux) and ventolin, but also now he put me on another puffer called tilade and to help minimise the cough I am now taking panadeine forte 3 times a day. When I had a cough that lasted about 3 months in 2014 i took the same thing to help. So far today no lozenges :) The only problem with panadeine forte is i do retain fluid from it...but hopefully my body will adapt and not retain too much fluid.

Ive been very much of the attitude I exercise so not likely i can lose weight. But today Ive decided enough is enough. Going by my doctor its not likely I will be back at the gym till late august/early september...So friday I was 117.2 kilos...I am going to set a goal by the time I go back to the gym to be back at 113.5 kilos. 6 weeks to lose 3.7 kilos should hopefully be doable. It would still give me a chance to eat my year end goal of being double digits. So sticking to my plan and going back to drinking 4 litres water per day.

This is one of those points where the mentality side of weight loss is a HUGE factor. I mean it is always a huge factor but at the moment it feels a bigger part. Specially when all I really want to do is go back to the gym!!

Last night I went and saw the musical "Matilda" which was fabulous. I bought a XL ladies t shirt from it as doesnt fit me yet....but its another goal :)

As i always promise i will be back posting more regularly! lol i promise! ;)