Tuesday, September 29, 2015

Where to now....

This is really a long overdue post. And I have not wanted to post it for fear it would be seen innappropriate. But then I remembered a time when Fiona was training me outside of fernwood (after she no longer worked there) but we were keeping it on the down low....and I remember her commenting "I want you to be able to be authentic on your journal"

So this is like the most honest I can be about my journey, and where its at, and the issues/things I currently need to resolve to move forward.

Firstly my right achilles. Its been giving me pain since about January but has decidedly got worse. So I think its time to head to a physio...Ive been putting this off cos last time Iwent to a physio (last year over my back) they did the hard sell trying to get me to committ to pilatte classes and weekly physio sessions etc etc...so I havent wanted the hard sell. I know quite likely all i need is a couple of sessions of deep massage on my calve. So thats kinda the first thing I need to attend too. The only thing with that is since I will be seeing a exercise physiologist and they have already asked about my injuries I will wait till I see them before getting to a physio...I do have some exercises I can do at home.

Food. Yanno food is not really the issue. As a general rule I am on track, I track and weigh everything and I try and eat clean wherever possible.

Exercise. Okay this is something that is a issue..in a number of ways. Firstly I suspect when I see the dietitian and exercise physiologist I think they will tell me a hour of cardio per day...gonna just have to suck that up! In relation to Personal Training....and this is what I have tried not to post about ... but in my mind there is a issue there. Basically the situation is I want to do 2-3 PT sessions a week with one trainer. My gym doesnt have the capability for that. So currently I do 1 PT session a week....but I really am not sure what I will do regarding this. I know when I got my best results I had one trainer I saw 3 times a week who was invested...who put time in to planning...and who really loved training people and was someone I just clicked with. I know thats what I need. So for me right now PT still feels very up in the air and I guess cos of that I dont feel very committed. While I am appreciative of doing one session per week...I dont honestly feel 1 session a week does a heck of a lot (no offense to anyone who does one session a week) I just find for me doing 2 to 3 sessions per week spread out over the week....and all sessions working together to get to my ultimate goals is what works best for me.

I really just want to get to this exercise physiologist and dietitian. Get the number of calories and/or macros i need to focus on and the amount of exercise i need and get on with this...I am just not committed to anything weight loss related at the moment in all honesty.  Things were going good a few months ago...but with a lot of the changes that have occurred....that level of focus just hasnt been maintained.

Saturday, September 19, 2015

Quality over quantity

So I am nearing the end of day 2.

No diet coke. No cheese (apart from feta which at this stage I havent had anyway). No whey products including protein powders and quest bars (this is a struggle). Most days eating burgen bread instead of white or multigrain. And aiming for as much natural, organic foods as possible.

So far so good. I have had headaches from cutting out the diet coke but have lived on panadeine forte for the past 27 hours or so LOL (i take panadeine forte as I am allergic to nurofen). Which has meant I have slept a lot. 11 hours last night and I have just woken from a nap.

The hardest thing so far is breakfast. I leave for work as early as 6.05am and I eat my breakfast at work. For that reason, rolled oats and protein powder has worked a treat for me...but I have felt I have been having too much protein powder. When I research whey protein powder and PCOS I get a lot of varying opinions on whether it is a issue or not. I did look on examine.com....and it didnt say that whey affects hormone levels....and I suspect 30 grams a day would be fine...90 grams a day not so much ;) Anyway back to breakfast, I need a easy portable breakfast and actually really like my oats :( When I lost the weight before I ate weetbix with honey and milk everyday....I dont mind weetbix but dont love them and due to ear/balance issues have been avoiding milk since approx april so dont really want to reintroduce it. This morning I had oats, with natural peanut butter. Which is fine to have...definitely very natural....the only issue is I also have gone back to a banana with PB for my snack too...so it may be too much fat. Then again I am cutting out cheese.

Ultimately at the moment I am trying to eat very bare then I will slowly add SOME things back in to see if I can maintain weight loss. I mean if over the next few weeks I do consistently lose...well haha *throws hands up in the air"....no if the losses dont happen there are a couple of things I could try (before I see the dietician and exercise physiologist) I could try dropping the cals to 1200...I could also try carb cycling...and also dramatically increasing my exercise (not tempted by this at all lol). But eating this way worked last time...so I guess I will be surprised if it doesnt work. If it doesnt tho...all joking aside....the exercise will need to increase....but we will see..its not like I am doing NO exercise at the moment...just not the same level as 4 years ago.

Its interesting, ive listened for years to the "your not a special snowflake" people suggesting...one cardio is pointless...heavy lifting was the only way to go and you need to eat more...and as long as you are in a calorie deficit you will lose weight. Well damn im obviously a special snowflake LOL cos being in a calorie deficit is no guarantee I will lose...going back to what Jillian says...not about quantity but quality :)

Friday, September 18, 2015


So when I woke this morning (after having a very strange dream about stealing bacon lol) i got up....threw out the last quest bar....threw down the drain the last 3 cans of diet coke in the house.

Interesting thing yesterday, I drank water in the morning....and had drank about 1.2 litres by morning tea time. I then went and had a diet coke...and it was so chemically tasting....and I found for the rest of the day (as I did drink a total of 2.4 litres of water) everytime I drank diet coke it felt chemical like. So deciding enough was enough wasnt so hard.

Ive had my weetbix for breakfast...thankfully i do like them...while there is nothing wrong with oats i really wanna see how i go not eating any whey protein powder....cos being the PCOS girl that I am maybe my body doesnt love it. That said i did use to use it before when i lost weight....but it was a maximum of 30 grams a day....not the current 80+ grams a day, plus lets face it .... its not natural. The other thing too is the one time i did go to a dietician quite a few years ago they told me not to drink protein shakes instead eat my calories...which makes complete sense.

Anyway today is friday...to the gym tonight....will try and do at least 2 rounds of the workout my trainer wrote me before I do body pump. :)

Thursday, September 17, 2015

Things are happening

So today still wasnt a perfect eating day. It was all good till about 2.30pm but i had organised food for a meeting at work for everyone...and it was yummy and I couldnt resist ;)

After work I went to the doctors to discuss my weight loss. I talked to him about going on to metformin and also about seeing a dietician....he thinks the best way forward is for me to see a dietician and exercise physiologist...so I go back next week to get that all organised.

For the meantime tho I have decided to structure my eating back how I did when i lost the weight...which is primarily:

breakfast : 2 weetbix + honey + milk
Snack : banana and tahini
lunch : roast turkey sandwich on burgen bread
snack : nuts/seeds
Dinner : Some form of protein salmon or chicken with vegies and maybe 20 grams feta cheese
snack : 1 caramello bear

As you can see its pretty basic eating and apart from the caramello bear all minimally processed. I primarily ate like that 6 days a week....saturdays which were always a high calorie day were always slightly different. If this works it just proves to me its more then just about calories in vs calories out...it really is about quality of food. Which i have always known but you know you think...well if i can get away with eating x,y,z why not eat it?

The other thing when I thought about it....I eat a decent amount of protein these days...usually 120 grams or more....but what I realised was this is mostly from FAKE protein...so quest bars, protein powder (its not uncommon for me to digest 80 grams of protein powder a day)

The good thing I did do today tho is I did manage to drink 2.4 litres of water. My aim will be for 3 litres a day so I will focus on that.

Time for change and to really knuckle down!

Wednesday, September 16, 2015

Weigh in day

What a day!

I weighed in and I gained 800 grams. I wasnt surprised I gained as all week I had been gaining....but still a lil disappointed....when you do the right thing all week its annoying. Exercise wise I had exercised more then previous weeks...2 PT sessions, 2 body balance classes, 1 body pump class, and climbed up and down 18 flights of stairs. So while it wasnt the amount of exercise i did 4 or so years ago..it was still a decent amount. I have to admit i got a pissed today about it all (even tho it was only 800 grams!) and didnt eat good...but whats done is done...on track again tomorrow :)

I did talk to my food coach and agreed water needs to be a focus this week. She doesnt think my diet coke is a issue (altho maybe not drinking it as much as i have been) but making getting my water in a priority. When I trained at goodlife with candice a year or two ago,,,,,she had me buy some BCAAs which help with muscle recovery and u add to water....they are pretty damn tasty too and zero cals....so i think as im getting back into the exercise anyway and am having some muscle aches (surprisingly my calves currently) i think starting tomorrow ill start off with a water with that.....there is 750mls or so that ill be able to drink easily and then that should get the day started off well..I will only have the BCAAs once a day.

Tomorrow night I have made a appointment at the docs....the appointment is solely to discuss my weight loss. I am going to talk to him about trying to organise a dietician....and also talk to him about whether i should go onto metformin or not (whilst im not diabetic or insulin resistant it is used to help balance out hormones for females with PCOS) I suspect he will send me off for some blood tests (joyous! lol)

The other thing to focus on is exercise....my evenings really need to become about exercise. Tonight i did zumba and actually enjoyed it....i burnt 550 cals in 61 minutes so not a bad effort. I will need to where I can (and that may be limited fit zumba in), also decided on monday nights (which is the only night currently i do PT) i will do a double PT session. This week ive done pretty good exercise wise....monday was balance, some cardio and PT, last night i did my program and climbed up 7 flights and tonight was zumba. For the rest of the week friday will be pump....and saturday i will try and get to the gym early enough to do my workout...then pump and balance.

Next week is my last week on early finishes at work for a few weeks...so my plan is:

monday : balance & double PT
tuesday : RPM & my workout (my workout takes just under a hour)
wednesday: zumba and yoga
thursday: pump & my workout
friday: pump
saturday: my workout & body pump & body balance

So thats where things stand at the moment....fingers crossed for a better loss next week!

Sunday, September 13, 2015

And up they go!

Today, mentally with this weight loss journey is kinda a blah day. The scales went up AGAIN....last monday morning I hit 114.7 kilos....every day since I have had small gains...taking the total gain to 1.3 kilos. Initially I figured it was due to my cycle...but its continued to go up...even on 1200 calorie days. This mornings gain I kinda understand cos I am a lil sore after pump and balance and yesterday was also a high cal day of 1800 calories. But in the back of my mind I am like...I could gain 1.3 kilos without spending time in the gym or with my head stuck in MFP tracking calories and macros. But the sensible part of me knows it cannot keep going up (surely not??? lol) and that I just have to stick at it and really focus on exercise....while exercise wont necessarily make the number on the scales go down quicker....it will hopefully help more with reshaping my body as well as improving my fitness, cardiovascular etc.

One thing I really have come to realise over the last few days, cos I have been thinking about it a LOT....is i need to rely more on me. And i kinda touched on this the other day...having PT sessions is all good and well...and back in 2008 there was no doubt i needed them...mentally as well as physically. I am at a different place now...I need to be a lot more in control of what I do or dont do. I am still doing PT twice a week....but thats simply 2 x 30 minute sessions a week....I really need to be active at least 4 days a week. And im the only one who can do that. I really need to just force myself more into the gym classes. Thats honestly where I feel my focus needs to be. Classes worked for me before...they can work for me again. Of course its highly unlikely I will do combat again lol...but the rest of the classes I can get back into. And even if i dont lose weight at the rate i want....as long as I am healthier today then i was yesterday....theres a reason it took me a long time to lose weight last time...and lets be honest...im 47, with PCOS those 2 things alone are going to go against me.

Not a lot else going on today....getting washing done....and getting organised for the coming week....I am on earlies again this week...which means...5.30am alarms lol which means being super organised cos im kinda hopeless in the mornings ;)

Saturday, September 12, 2015

Saturday :)

So I woke up in a surprisingly good mood...suprising because the scales went up AGAIN! 115.6 kilos this morning. Anyway i was a bit pissed...initially thought "bugger this" but yanno what the bugger it attitude doesnt help...the only thing that will help is sticking to the plan and going to the gym :)

So i went in and did 10 minutes on the xtrainer, 60 minute body pump class and 60 minute body balance class...and I felt good, definitely glad I got off my ass and did them :)

I then went to kmart to buy some socks...walked out with socks, 1 t shirt, 2 tank tops, and 1 pair of trackies. I then went op shopping and bought 4 or 5 tops...one is a gorgeous top from cue....size 14 so long way till i will be fitting into it...a couple of the other tops fit me now...and a couple are ones to grow into :) YAY :)

It was a lovely day and tomorrow is suppose to be 29! I am planning to go walking around the torrens! Need to really get active everyday...its the only difference between now and when i was losing 2 weeks ago...so time to get active! Im thinking this for the coming week:

monday : balance or boxing and PT
tuesday : PT and CXWORX
wednesday : zumba
thursday : body pump
friday : stairs and body pump
saturday : body pump and body balance
sunday : walking

Friday, September 11, 2015

Weigh in result

As per usual I am behind on my posting ;) I should post more regularly would prolly help me...but...im kinda lazy LOL

Weight loss wise I lost 900 grams this week and was sitting at 115 kilos....my cycle arrived on tuesday and as of this morning i am sitting at 115.2 kilos...not much of a gain considering its my cycle....but STILL id like the scales to start moving in the right direction again!

Exercise wise...well...i did 3 PT sessions this week...but that will prolly change to 2 PT sessions a week from next week....but heres the thing....I NEED to motivate myself. Yanno i did PT with fiona all those years ago...cos well quite frankly I needed it...at 150 kilos....my headspace, confidence etc needed a lot of work....fiona helped immensely with that and also with keeping things logical and not getting caught up in other peoples expectations, opinions etc. Now I still lack confidence at times...not all the time but at certain times....and mostly its at the gym. I tried to think this week why dont i go to the gym like i did when i lost the weight before. Partly I think its cos i was 80 kilos and now im 115 kilos....it doesnt matter that im under 173 kilos....i have felt how it feels to be only 80 kilos...i have heavy now....its a effort...i have achilles pain (which means walking distances isnt really doable) im sure thats related to my weight....my knees ache (altho admittedly ive noticed in the last week or two that has started to improve). Now im gonna say something now and i know people will go "no that isnt true" but the truth is its how i feel. I feel out of place at the gym. I get that people go to the gym to lose weight and get fit...dont worry i get that....but i feel out of place....when I go into a class i guess i just feel i dont belong. Now i guess forcing myself into the classes eventually i would get over this. But right at this precise moment thats how I feel. And im sure lots of people feel this....and i guess it comes down to will i push myself to get past that barrier....if i honestly want to get my health back long term the gym has to feature into it. The other thing is...body combat *sigh*.... it was the one aerobic/cardio class I liked...but being the total klutz i am....and the fact about the last 5 times I did this class I fell in it everytime (breaking my wrist one of these times) id love to go back to it....but in all honesty i cannot even risk it....everytime I think about classes....i think about body combat. :(

Anyway the fact of the matter is i need to just start doing...not cos someone at the gym thinks i should....but simply cos of the fact i know it will get results and i know its healthy for me...and maybe, maybe, maybe one day cos i actually enjoy it (again lol)

Not a heck of a lot going on...today is my low cal day....and i am so ready for it to be over with! LOL Enjoy all :)

Thursday, September 03, 2015

Xmas Goal...

Again i am overdue a post! ;)

Weightloss wise things went great this week !! My changes to the macros seemed to work really well and I lost 2.4 kilos. :) Today we had a free lunch at work....my macros werent perfect but i came in under calories which is the main thing.

NOW. Ive decided to set a real HUGE goal. I think I have a tendancy to be complacent so think I need something to strive for that needs me working at it every single day to get to it. And the goal I have decided on would make me deliriously happy if i met it :) And ta-da....that goal is to weigh 99.9 kilos or less by the time I fly out on December 21. As of this morning I weigh 115.8 kilos...and I have approximately 3.5 months to do it....so it is do able but will need me to be focused 150%! My eating out and social occassions I want to keep to a very bare minimum. I want this to be my total focus.

So how so I think I will meet this goal since its taken me nearly 5 months to lose 11.3 kilos????

Well I think with the focus on macros and calorie cycling I have happening now...I feel I have the nutrition on target as long as I stick to it. In regards to exercise .... wellllllllllllllllllllllll! LOL I have a number of spare PT sessions....so starting next week I am increasing to 4 PT sessions a week. I need to work out 6 days a week....and some days when I cannot get to the gym (like saturdays coming up I will be working) I will do a workout at home....and as day light savings isnt too far away....on sundays (as i will be working some sundays soon) i will do some walks in the evening. So my plan for exercise for the next 10 days is:

saturday : body pump + 20 minutes cross trainer
sunday : 6km walk
monday : body balance + PT
tuesday : 45 minutes cardio + PT
wednesday : PT + 20 minutes cross trainer
thursday : body pump + PT
friday : 20 minutes cardio + body pump
saturday : body pump + body balance
sunday : 6km walk

Ideally to meet this goal by christmas....it works out like this....there is 109 days from today (lol)...which means I need to average 1.02 kilos (lol...just for exact measure) per week. Which means if I lost 4 kilos this month (so am 111.8 or less) by October 1.....then I am slightly ahead of my goal target.

I cannot even explain how happy it would make me to get down to under 100 kilos....this photo is me at about 98 kilos previously

I mean....come on people....it seems insane to think I could look like that before the year is out! The other good thing is if I did meet this goal....I would be in a range where for my joints it would feel safe enough for me to start running again. So thats the goal....that i think consistency with my nutrition and hard work is completely achievable!