Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Reassessing (yet again!)

Well my brain has been working overtime again! Argh!! On monday...turns out i did 4 1/2 hours of exercise...yesterday i walked to the gym (1 hour walk) and then did a 30 boxing class (which kicked my ass) and then 45 minutes of combat. I was dead in combat! So tired even lifting my legs was a effort. So i think i am going to set a "cap" on my exercise! lol....I think im gonna do a maximum of 2 hours per day. Six days per week i wanna do a minimum of 1 hour....but ill stick to a maximum of 2 hours per day. I think i have biggest loser mentality. Yanna i watch all these weight loss reality shows and they are doing all this exercise...and i feel a slacker in comparison and as i am on holidays i feel i need to do more (which was always my aim for my holidays) BUT at the same time ive been sick already once these holidays (and i dont usually get sick often) and even monday night while at the gym i had a blocked ear. And i know doing 2 hours per day is good....but i guess cos it feels its getting harder to lose the weight and my body fat still needs to do such a big drop.

Im also trying to eat a bit cleaner. Im back having my protein shake in the afternoon....(which i stopped cos the nutritionist thought i should be "eating" all my food....but i know for me to lose weight the ratio of protein to carbs needs to be a bit higher then it currently is) I am ATTEMPTING to cut out the diet coke and stick to 3.5 litres of water per day. My aim is simply to try and do it till the end of July....if i can make it till then maybe ill decide i just dont need the diet coke anymore. I also dont wanna eat chocolate till end of july...this one is a bad habit i have got into they are the two big things till the end of july. Ultimately by end of July i would love to be 85.5 kilos...(which would put me at 50% of my body size lost)....i mite be aiming too high but with luck...just maybe!

I did weigh in on weight went up by 900 grams...but my body fat dropped by 1.6% so its sitting at 40% exactly....but seeing as i would like it to get down to 25% or lower i still have a lot of freaking work to do!!! My body fat was also under 39% a month ago so still have quite a bit of work to do. Measurements are being done next week.

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Uh Oh Weigh in....

Well i was going so freaking well last week! Friday morning i was 89.1 kilos....then friday i had bacon for breakfast and oven fries that nite. I was within my calories but definitely over on the sodium side of things. Then last nite i went to a quiz nite....where i munched on cheese, low fat muffins, jatz and tzitiki .... i was definitely over calories and while i guess the sodium in jatz for most is fine...for me as i never eat hardly any processed foods was not fine. This morning i was back up at 91.3 kilos :( Today i had a bbq at mums and then stayed for dinner where they were planning pizza. At the bbq i just had 3 chicken kebabs and a garden salad, for dinner they ended up having fasta pasta....i just had a roast chicken and swiss cheese subway, i also drank 4 litres of water. Last monday i was 90.2 kilos....i think tho there could be a gain this damn annoying when for most of the week i was on target. But at the same im at this weight i dont really care as much about the numbers. Im toning more all the time...and im only 14-15 kilos from the top of the healthy weight range. I can go out and feel okay...certainly not as slim as i would like to be...and i hate my thighs still...but im a lot happier and realise when i go out i look okay.

This weekend i have no socialising plans...and i am glad for that....this week theres no reason for a sodium increase on the weekend. So hopefully this weekend i will get back under 90 kilos and STAY THERE.

I also wanna focus on exercise more. I hadnt done any fitness classes for two weeks :( but yesterday i went and did pump and balance and felt before for it.

Today was out shopping with my sister....we went to kmart....and i checked out there exercise clothes (of course) i bought 2 racer back tank tops for $5 size 16....and i also bought a pair of stretch size 16 exercise pants...only $5 too....and surprisingly they fit so good! So impressed. I then decided to look at underwear...since my size 22 full brief undies had become way too big! Well yay for size 18 bikini style undies (omg the last time i wore this style i was easily a teen!) The thing i discoverred as i went from "plus size" jeans to normal sizes is that at the back the plus size ones sit much higher....and now im in the normal could always see my huge knickers sticking out of my super happy to have the bikini knickers. And really now i think i can say i have clothing size 20 or higher that i still wear :) I also went to cotton on on saturday....bought 4 cute tshirts with cool motifs on them...size L and they fit! YAY!! So in relation to clothes things are all moving in the right direction.

Anyway wish me luck with tomorrows weigh in...i would love not to gain....but i think i may have to accept a gain. But regardless...a new week...and time to move on with a new week!

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Not falling off the wagon

I had a question asked on the ww forum and as per usual lol decided to use it for a blog post. So the question was...." I have two questions, how do you keep going without totally falling of the wagon and also, is this your first attempt to lose the weight, or had you attempted before 2006?"

So....firstly yes ive tried nearly every diet going! LOL I did my first serious attempt at weight loss when i was 23 with easy slim. I started at 99 kilos....and got down to 83 kilos (can you freaking believe only 7 kilos from a healthy number and then i gave up?) 83 kilos is the lightest I have ever weighed as a adult. I of course put more weight on and did lots and lots of attempts at weight loss. I joined weight watchers more often then i changed my undies lol. I was relatively successful a few times....losing 30 kilos or so....then losing the plot and giving up. I have taken xenical tablets....and yep they worked quite well for me lost around 30 kilos again only to gain it back later....ive also done lite n easy and also jenny craig. So yep ive definitely tried various diets/weight loss styles.

As to how have i managed to keep going without totally falling of the wagon...i dont think there is one answer to that. Before i lost this weight as most know i weighed 171 kilos. I lived a very isolated life. I recall calling in sick to work numerous times cos i simply didnt have the energy to walk down the street to catch a bus. I was sick more often then i wasnt....kidney infections, viruses, flu's etc. Life was just really difficult. Then in May 2006 i got sick with bronchitis....i ended up off work for 7 weeks....the majority of that time was unpaid. When you are single and getting no income this isnt good! To be honest in scared the crap out of me. For the first time i SERIOUSLY realised if i didnt change something i was gonna end up confined to my home on a pension. And this scares the crap out of me....I am quite convinced if I dont get to 76 kilos or lighter i will end up back at 170+ i guess fear is part of what keeps me going. So once i was over the bronchitis i joined weight watchers (on august 6). I honestly never thought id last more then 6 weeks. I remember proactively making a effort anytime i started to think that i wanted to quit i would just not allow myself to "think" about it. (Which in the beginning for some reason i found quite easy) I was amazed when i hit 6 weeks. And somehow managed to keep going. Its not been a case of always being easy....2007 and most of 2008 was really not helpful in the weight loss side of things....i definitely was following the motto of "fake it till you make it". I remember every week was a "new start". As most know in 2008 is when i started training with Fiona, and for me thats when everything changed. Personal training wasnt new to had 3 trainers previously...when i started training with fiona i made a promise to myself i would only skip a session if i was dying (and in all honesty i probably have broke that promise a few times but mostly ive stuck to it) i also decided i wasnt gonna say "no" to doing whatever she wanted me to do. That rule i havent been so great at! LOL not so much that i say no more "i cant" but generally even when I say "i cant" i still try....unsuccessfully sometimes...and sometimes successfully. Especially in the beginning i nearly gave up numerous times. But fiona has a very subtle way of getting me to realise giving up is not what i wanted lol....i remember the first time i messaged her and said "i cant do this anymore" and part of her response was "are you doing this to punish yourself" .... i often when i wanna give up or feel like chucking it all in think of that phrase and generally realise i dont wanna punish myself which is all not getting to goal would do. Its not gonna affect anyone elses life...just mine. Of course now its just "seems" easier. Im only 14 kilos of goal....thats not that daunting. I will never say never but 98% of me believes ill get to under 76 kilos....of course there is still some self doubt in me tho.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Hit 89.8 kilos and Progress Pics

I hit a new low of 89.8 kilos today (total loss = 81.8 kilos)! And so in light of that I have uploaded some progress pics

Before pic - april 2006

comparison shots feb 2011 (approx weight 102.5 kilos) versus today 89.8 kilos

Saturday, June 18, 2011

...into a bubble...

Im starting to rethink this journal. Not that I would delete it...but a lot seems to be going on in my life lately...some good, some bad....and the majority of it cant really be posted here. I feel like i need to put myself more "into a bubble" and i need to just step away from this journey being so public. And the journal being a case of "i ate 1500 calories today and did body pump today" gets very boring very quickly...not only for readers but for me writing it as well. Maybe its the stage of the journey i am at...i just dont really feel i need it who knows maybe there will be a post tomorrow...maybe next year...maybe enough is enough. The journal will always remain....not just for everyone else...but for me as well (as i do refer back to it at times). I do get the benefit the journal has been over the years....its been fab and a great outlet...but maybe its time to be like a normal person lol and deal with stuff in other ways apart from spilling my guts to the entire online world :)

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Well very surprisingly the scales were back down to 90.5 kilos this a day of no cold n flu tablets and increasing the water a lil and a huge drop! YAY. My new bed and mattress arrived today....i have a guy coming on friday to set up the bed...seriously cannot wait for friday nite to sleep in my lovely bed!

I cooked today...made some oat n fruit muffins and tonite for dinner i am making a meals from littlepiggynomore's website...chicken parcels with cheese, spinach and semi dried tomatos....seriously cannot wait for dinner! yum yum!!!

My cold is much better...i am staying in tonite (did think about going to xfit but lol i chickened out) ... back to the gym tomorrow!

Not much else going on....hope you all have a good night!!

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Well i have a cold! argh!!! Its a bit better then yesterday and i can at least breathe now lol but ugh frustrating. Also frustrating is the fact the scales have gone up a kilo. I am putting it down to a couple of cold and the fact im taking cold n flu tablets wouldnt be helping....two my cycle is due in the next 6 days or so and thirdly i think i may not be eating enough for all my exercise!

I exercised for 17 hours 23 minutes last week...and burnt 5500 calories...but didnt increase my food at all. So i did some recalculations...according to Jillians calculations if i ate 2300 calories per day with that much exercise i should lose a kilo a week. Im not keen on that big a jump so im gonna do 2000 calories per day but i will cycle it like i normally do having my high and low calorie days. I am seeing Amy my food coach today (havent seen her for over a month or so and while the scales have dropped a lil they havent dropped much) so i will mention this too her and see what she thinks. Then i have a 30 minute PT session with fiona. I will then rest and then thursday go back to the gym. Tomorrow i have a new bed and mattress being delivered (YAY) so i need to be around the house hopefully by thursday i will be fighting be fit again and back into everything.

Not much else going on...have a good day all!

Sunday, June 12, 2011

What has changed the most in your life?

I got a message today from a friend looking at restarting her weight loss journey....and part of her message was the question "what has changed most in your life?"...i responded with what can only be described as an actual ramble....but I thought it was a good question for a post.

I tried to explain that 5 years ago....and this may sound completely weird....but i didnt feel i was part of the human race. I of course lived and existed....but as i watched people have great careers...find love....have great social lives....i was watching. It was like there was the human race and then me existing....and just watching everyone else "live". I thought where I was in my life was where i was meant to be. That i was destined to be single. Destined to live alone. Destined to have no social life. Destined for my best friend to be a KFC burger ;) When i set out to lose the weight two of the big goals were to meet a partner and to have a social life. Up until 6 weeks ago i wasnt really doing great with either of those goals. Yes i go out more then i did 5 years ago....but its not the bustling social life i thought was going to miracuously happen. Then for some reason 6 weeks or so ago i got a bit of courage....and went out and met someone of pink sofa. Now i have NO idea where things will end with her...maybe friends maybe more ... who knows. But theres been a couple of things i have noticed. Firstly i am the queen of not letting someone get close to me. Ive gone and met girls i have chatted to on the sofa before....and theres always a "problem" with them. They were too short....too pretty....too thin....wrong socio-economic group (truly i used that once as a "excuse") Now in reality none of these were real reasons but they were perfect justifications to me to not let things proceed. Anyway so i went out and met this person ... we seemed to click right from word go...and i didnt find any faults...i was amazed by that...then after seeing her a few more times i REALISED she was 5 inches shorter then me, i have a real issue about my height (hate it) and it really was the perfect "excuse" so quite stunned i didnt use that or any other excuse to run away from the situation. I knew for me that was a huge deal and a big step. The other thing that has changed over the last 6 weeks or so i have realised that every man and their dog do not think that i am hideous. I have never been keen at looking at my face in the mirror...hate looking in the mirror at the gym (and will do all to avoid it)....the reason being is ive felt embaressed by my looks...i havent felt attractive at all. When i went to the golden dance a few weeks ago nearly everytime i was alone....i had a woman come up and "talk to me" whether they were chatting me up or not i dont know (im so uneducated on all this dating stuff!) but still they approached me which to me is amazing. Afterwards in the car going friend i went with said to me "you must get picked up a lot" LOL...i was like nooooooooooooo seriously....i havent been to a dance or club for about 2 years and that has NEVER happened to me it certainly set off some light bulbs for me. Not that i was even remotely interested in any of these women but that these women would approach me....i cant have looked to hideous i guess! And so i think im really starting to kinda like myself a lil bit....i am still not looking like a model....still not ms popularity....i still think i have a fat ass but im starting to realise "hideous" is prolly not the perception that everyone holds for me...yep am really starting to like myself....and that is what has changed the most in my life!!

My weight loss Journey Video

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Finally a update.....

Well what a lil neglectful journal this has become of late! So now that i have a puter time to do a update i guess!!

Weight loss wise....things are going okay. Last week i hit 90.8 kilos taking my total loss to 90.8...all week i had stayed a few hundred grams below that and then yesterday i jumped up...this morning i was 91.6 kilos....i did have a bit of sodium yesterday. So hopefully it will settle back down over the next few days. My eating has been good and i have been madly, this week i did 16 hours and 23 minutes of exercise and burnt 5400 calories. So i have exercised the last 6 days. Tomorrow i am having off and cannot wait. A day to relax around the house ... i might go out for a walk but thats it. As part of my exercise i have been doing 2 one hour sessions of crossfit per week....OMG so freaking hard! Its lots of jumping...burpees...weight work...running...squats...lunges....full on and really hard. I hated it initially but im coming around in relation to that....also its enabled me to get to know some other gym members which is good. Fiona has also been setting me "homework" this week was a chest exercise and 30 minutes on the rower. OMG 30 mins on the rower was doing my head in...had tried twice and only made it to about 10 minutes....but this morning i lasted the full 30 minutes YAY. So in the 30 minutes i rowed 5586 metres :) I am hoping all this cardio and crossfit stuff will help a lot with the toning side of things.

Being 91 kilos is really quite bizarre. 15 kilos to the magical 76 kilos number (altho i think i will eventually try and go lower then that), to think a kilo or so and i am a 80's girl is beyondddddddddddd bizarre. I can honestly say i never truly expected to get down to where i am now lil own under 90 kilos. Of course from day one the goal was to reach 76 kilos...but really that seemed so unlikely....and while it seems more likely still doesnt seem believable. But i still have plenty of fat on i know theres plenty of fat still to lose. Its kinda bizarre to think i could end up even more toned and smaller. Im currently a size 18 on the bottom and size 16 up top...which i know is still large sizes...but considering i was in a size 28+ at one stage its amazingggggggggggggggg. Truthfully i could prolly stay at this weight now and be quite happy with myself....i dont feel "awful" about me anymore...i certainly dont love my body at this stage but i also dont hate it. But to stay at this weight would basically be giving up and would leave me disappointed so will continue to struggle on with this weight loss deal.

Around home things are good too....had a inspection this week...all went well of course...i obviously bought a new puter YAY...rather loving it and makes me realise how bad my old puter was...this one barely heats it!!! I also went and bought a new bed and mattress which arrives this week. I also went shopping at Lorna Janes yesterday,,,,spent nearly $300....oooooops!!!! heres a couple of pics of a couple of tops i bought...

In relation to the "dating" all is going nicely...she is a very busy woman and we have decided to go we are definitely still in the "getting to know each other" stage...but im in no that is all at a really nice place.

Tonite is a quiet nice at home....all i wanna do is stay warm!!! Tomorrow night going out for dinner with Jaimee...out for greek! should be super nice.

Have a good day all...i promise...more frequent updates!!!!

Monday, June 06, 2011

80.1 kilos lost (176.2 pounds)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm still computer-less so doing this quickly via my iPod.... I hit 80.1 kilos lost!!!!! I'm now down to 90.8 kilos. I am buying a new puter on Friday n will do some new photos on the weekend!!!!!!