Friday, April 04, 2008

Well getting a bit better everyday. Every night i am coming home and going straight into my bedroom...and getting into bed with the heater on...keeps me at a nice stable temperature and I watch tv or play on the computer...its not active but my priority right now is simply to get back to 100%. I am aiming to go back to the gym on wednesday...dont know if I will be ready by then but with luck I will be.

Being sick really makes you reflect...when your too tired to cook meals and do basic stuff you realise how much I take feeling good for granted and then 90% of the last 6 months I have been slowly eroding my health by eating crap food and not exercising - and why do I do that? For one...its cos its "easy" its easier to sit in front of the tv...its easier to pick up take away...its just plain old EASY...going on a weight loss journey is gawd damn hard work...i have too plan, prepare, make the effort to go to the gym, work on myself to go for the good food items and also on my head (prolly the hardest part of it all) when i was losing the weight before....every week i waited for the week where it got unachievable and i failed and gained...and so instead of that i simply gave up. Ive always been like this...i remember when i was about 11 or 12 i was going in this esstedford for ballet...was going to enter as a mum stayed up all nite sewing this cute lil white tutu...anyway it was easier to not go then to risk "failing" so i didnt go. So i think this is a big part that I need to push thru...fact of the matter is I need to stop waiting for the failure and simply work on the winning of the weight loss journey. Im really getting focussed and ready to committ..i so do not want to get sick again like this ... im determined to try and make my body as strong as possible. I think if i get my weight loss under control my life could be happy. I am slowly getting back in touch with my friends from school...2 i met for breakfast last friday and on the 16th i am catching up with both of a few more have been invited...these are people who I was great friends with in my late teens/early 20's we were a big group of friends...pretty innocent...but always having fun. My friend laura was saying to me the other day just think about those times we use to we are all worried about bills, work, family stresses etc instead of allowing ourselves to simply let go and have fun when we catch up, and shes so thats another thing...working on enjoying life i single lifestyle i mostly my weight loss is now my number one focus...its my PRIORITY and the only thing that can come before it is work...but as I said right now...getting over this flu is number off i go for a dose of benadryl before settling down to watch biggest loser...have a good weekend all =]

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