Well I actually feel like I have taken a good step. I mentioned in my last entry that I needed to tell my sister something before posting on here. I spoke to her last night...half told her what I had to tell her...and she finished of my story...she already knew...so this huge secret I have kept for about 25 years she already knew. The crux of it being that on the night my father was buried...whilst in my bed a uncle came in...slid in my bad...and touched my breast, this was followed by the person I told about it...not believing me, I must admit it played on my mind today altho not necessarily in a bad way. It was clarifying to know that i was believed by someone (as we talked we realised she saw him in my bed) it also made me realise thru our chats that counselling isnt actually a want...I think its a need. So I will go for the counselling assessment and go from there. I think right at this moment I will focus on that more so then my weight loss...cos I think this is the first step I need resolved. And once done I will hopefully have more luck with my weight loss.

My 2 good friends from work who I have discussed a lot with my relationships with my family...I talked to them about it (gay bois are such great confidants!) they were both like you really need to do this so I am very resolved now on the counselling...its not a thought process...I am going to do it...I also need to look into my private health for what they would cover as well. When I went to lunch today...I walked past one of the grrls jamie...she was like...were are u off too? im like the loo....shes like but i see your wallet in ur hand...i said yeh gonna grab some lunch after that...so she went off to her desk...i go to the loo...walk around the corner...theres jamie again...im like where are you going? shes like i was coming to the lunch room to find you...you seem sad today so was gonna come and give u some grrl company LOL i didnt realise i wasnt my normal self...altho I knew my brain was thinking thinking...was really quite cute of her lol...i then referred to her as my stalker for the rest of the day. I do feel better tonight tho after a very restless nights sleep...so not even 9pm and off to sleep shortly.

When I rang my sister last nite my 3 year old niece was so cute...she answers the phone and im like...do u know who this is? she goes no...im like...aunty kazz and next thing out of her mouth is "will you come and stay at my house?" followed very shortly by you can come pick me up after kindy lol...shes cute as...unfortunately shes 6 hours away =[ still cute as hell tho lol

This easter I am like going to be a normal person ! we are getting good friday, easter saturday and easter monday off...I only have to work sunday...which is awesome and of course we earn double time on those days cos of it being actual rdos soooooooooo woooo hooooo big pay packet will be headed my way.

Okies....off I go...enjoy all