Dang I just read tanias comment in my lost entry and had to run over to her journal to check why shes pissed at curves lol...thats so weird tania,,,,cos when I quit to go to fernwood I had to pay one payment that was all. I did contemplate going back to fernwood but to be honest going all the way in the city is a damn pain in the ass.

Who watched biggest loser tonite? Of course I paid the most attention when jillian was on *sniggers* but I actualy found her talk with carriane quite thought provoking and I could really relate. And it got me thinking. I really started to put on weight when my dad got sick, before that growing up I ate good. Mum cooked healthy meals, there was no such things as neighbourhood takeaway stores where we lived and we rarely bought lunch at school. Then dad got sick and our life quite dramatically changed and pretty much revolved around school, homework, eating, sleeping and visiting the hospital - guess which one I enjoyed the most???? I remember taking pocket money to school and buying apple turnovers for recess. And it was around 13 when I started to put on weight. That was actually quite a intense time in my life...I mean its intense for any 13 or 14 year old...but I also had a very ill parent...I remember I was a complete pain in my mums ass. I resented a lot of things...I hated going to the hospital twice a day on weekends, I hated that I could not sit at home on a weeknight and watch sons & daughters and a country practice, I was a ass of a teenager and on more then one occassion swore at my mum...I remember getting in a fight with I presume mum at the hospital once and storming out in a huff and a nurse coming after me...and telling me how its been discussed maybe I should see a counsellor...which of course I said no too...was no way in hell I was gonna talk to someone about everything (mmmm can we mention I was a stubborn pain in the ass lol) of course not taking up that offer is now something I really regret...I really shouldve taken up the offer and got rid of a lot of my anger. Then my dad passed...and well then something happened which is prolly something i have never FULLY dealt with..I wont discuss it here...well not yet....its prolly something I need to tell my sister face to face (dont panic kerry and send me a email making sure I am ok...Im fine lol) but its prolly something that Id want to tell her and not have her read on here. I really think the emotional side of it is what would make things click with me...I went to the docs the other day,,,and he has put me back on metaformin and I am also going to go in for a assessment to see if I can get a medicare subsidy for counselling with a psychologist. Not for anyone specific thing but mostly to help me with my weight loss and work on any emotional issues.

Not too long till I go to curves...one week...then I plan on going to curves on monday, wednesday and fridays. Tuesday and thursday I plan on walking. And really the focus needs to go more on my fitness and measurements and less on the scales.

Tomorrow is a big day at work...out of 170 or so workers 4 people got selected to go to a forum on the DSL product and I got selected to go...so thats kinda exciting.

Okies off I go ... gonna go watch my new seinfeld dvd weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee