Oh Im slack....

Firstly thank you to everyone who left comments about the job...I had the phone interview today and can we say "she rambles a hell of a lot"? Its close to 8 years since ive had a job interview and I dont feel I handled it very well...supposedly if you got past this stage of the testing then you get a call back from close of business tomorrow nite. I am not expecting a call in all honesty. Am i upset? No not really...i figure if i am meant to work there Ill get it...if im not meant to then i wont...no dramas. I have established tho that I hate job interviews lol anyway will know by tomorrow nite whether I move on to the next stage...if i dont i think i will look out for a job in the city with optus...the fact of how close I am to my long service leave is a factor.

Onto weight loss...how has it been going? Well not great the last week...I havent been eating junk food but not following things appropriately and havent been to the gym. I think what does my head in all the time is the whole length of how long this will take...but to be honest i need to build a bridge and get over that issue. I have a dieticians appointment at 7am tomorrow morning (yes gawd 7am!!!) and i was so tempted to just blow it off..but no...i will go...and after ive been i will get on that treadmill and do 30 minutes. I think also I just need to start doing classes and start pushing myself. I really wanna be under 135 by the time I go to melbourne so its time to really focus.

Okies I wrote the above like 5 days ago and never posted it LOL

Okies...so wats been happening? saddddddddddd sadddddddddddddd news ryan is leaving me ! Ryan is my best bud at work and he has a new position in the company...so now i will be left to bug him via facebook (gotta love technology) but I am real sad about it...hes such a good friend. One of my friends said when we found out..."how will you cope you are like twins?" so its gonna be a very sad kazz on 17th october =[

I went back to the gym yesterday. Had a huge chat about my head with my dietician. I was telling her about how i find i can lose 20 kilos quite easily cos ive done that about 4 times in the past but then something happens. And she has asked me if I am worried about the attention I would get if I lost say 40 or 50 kilos. And at the time i was like ugh i dunno...but more so then that (cos lets face it...i am a bit of a attention seeker!) its prolly a lack of confidence of keeping the weight OFF...and then becoming the centre of attention for all the wrong reasons and also if i lost 50 kilos and was still single...i would be then left to think holy crap must be something else wrong with me !

I had my hair cut and coloured yesterday and omg i have a fringe ! Im not positive getting it cut into a fringe was a wise decision but it can always be grown out. I also went a slightly lighter colour. Before the golden dance in a few weeks I plan to go to the hairdressers and get them to blow dry it and then i will take a photo before going out that nite.

hmmmm okies not much else....get to see the lilest princess tomorrow...shes down in adelaide with her mum to see dora no less ! lol

o0o news !

Well TOM finally arrived and hit me quite badly. Im a lot better today but yesterday was in a lot of pain. I suspect now I have kinda "woken" up my system with eating all this unprocessed foods. I went to the docs and he was like well it may be a once off...but i researched it a bit last nite...i will try blackmores PMT which is suppose to help with PMT.

Okies on to good news ! I applied for a job this afternoon and have already had a phone call for a phone interview. I couldnt talk when they rang (I was at work) so will call them back in the morning. So thats all rather exciting. I would presume possibly next week I will have a interview. So saturday its a hair and colour appointment and a eye brow wax and also need to buy some nice pants and shoes. Im very excited. The more I think about it the more I think its time to move on from my current job. Its been a great job...but combined with the public transport system out here which has deteriated and the fact I am bored and want a new challenge I think its time...and to be honest this sounds like a great job, as well as close to home and around the corner from the gym which sounds perfect.

Okies thats all for today !

Still waiting...

Well TOM was due on the 15th and today is the 27th and still it hasnt friggin showed. Very weird...ive gone back to unprocessed food and TOM has started to remind me of when i was in my 20's (and this isnt a good thing!) The last 3 days ive had cramps, altho today i have none...and when i was measured nearly two weeks ago my bust had increased which my dietician put down to being premenstrual. I tell u if i was a str8 chick doing the hokey pokey with a guy i would be chitting myself that im pregnant right now. The scales have also gone up two kilos so i wish it would bloody hurry up and show !

I have a whole one day off this weekend...altho 3 days off next weekend =] tonite after work we are going to the local pub for a quick drink or two before going home. Tonite i am planning to make tacos...and then tonite...i am going to tidy and sort out my lounge room so i can start to do exercise dvds in it on the days i doing go to the gym. Tomorrow i mite gym it in the morning and in the afternoon i want to tidy up both the upstairs bedrooms and clean the bathroom, and do washing etc ... this is the problem with only one day off...not enough time to relax AND get the necessary chores done.

As i am writing this i am starting to get cramps again LOL lawd would be nice to just get them so i can get rid of this fluid retention.

Not a lot else going on...have a good saturday all

Catch Up

It seems like i havent posted for like a week but in reality it has only been a few days...and it feels like the last few days have been kinda full on.

So lets see...went to the dietician last nite...and weighed in i have "officially" lost 5.4 kilos and 0.8% body fat. Shes really happy with me and I am pretty darn impressed myself !

I emailed yesterday fringe (the gay & lesbian festival held here each november. I was gonna volunteer last year but like most things avoided it, anyway emailed them yesterday and they want me to come to a volunteer induction session on october 12.

I came into work today and there was a internal job in the advertisements i would have liked to apply too...BUT i have no decent clothing for a job interview (we wear jeans n chit to work) so this payday i will go buy some nice pants and then next time a good job comes up in the city i will apply for it (would love to work in the city =])

I was also going to try and go and see a performance of "life is rhythm" was awaiting on a shift swap to see if i could start earlier on the day it is on, but so far no good news. =[

I am working saturday but it is grand final day so we should be very quiet, and after work i am going out for a quiet drink with some people from work as one of the guys is moving to a different team.

Not a lot else going on except i just ate pizza ! lol work gave us pizza for lunch for some work we have done...i told my dietician and well we worked 2 pieces into my plan....was all very yummi ! off i go !

I just booked my flight to melbourne la la la la la !

^^^^ the title says it all !

6 Weeks later...

Well ive partly made some decisions. After a few emails with nat (the exercise goddess) and a lil more research...i realise now this whole time the focus should have been on a healthy & fit life and not the scales. I have decided i am going to join the gym n i am leaning towards fernwood with using the online coach. I am just debating still between contour n fernwood. As I did pay out fernwood I have emailed them to see what they can offer me...contour is closer but is only a circuit...i tell u i am terrible at making decisions like this...on a 20 minute interval i change my mind between gyms lol...anyway we will wait n see how i feel tomorrow. Tomorrow I am off again and have the docs appointment....

SO that was a post from August 4...today is 6 weeks since i rejoined fernwood....so a rehash on whethere this was the right decision...

1. ive lost 5.3 kilos (11.66 pounds) in this time kinda kept that under my hat eh? lol)
2. ive lost 26 cms (10.2 inches) from my body
3. im getting fitter
4. My calves are no longer flabby and have some tone to them
5. My knees especially my left knee is getting less pain
6. im planning to go to the golden dance in a few weeks !
7. im happy within myself...im happy when i wake...and get on with my day
8. Only had 2 days off work sick...and that was ONLY at the docs insistent cos i was contagious (and as a side note work has noticed my sick leave has improved and is now giving me one paid sick day per month for 3 months and will then review it again =])
9. I eat hardly any processed foods
10. Ive finally learnt the numbers on the scales isnt the be all and end all...i get just as excited by realising my fitness levels have improved.

So i think...we can say now...returning to fernwood was the wisest decision for me...sure it costs me quite a bit...but for just my PT session and dietician session per week its all worth it....and seeing things slowly improve in lots of ways is a huge improvement to me....i think i am being weighed tomorrow nite and my body fat retested...and then next monday is my last week on my current program...week after my trainer will start me on a new progam.

And on that happy note...im off to watch some more of the old bevely hills 90210 that i bought on DVD...im so addicted LOL byessssssssssssssssss

Road rage

Well last ntie i witnessed my first episode of REAL road rage ! We were going home down main north road (main road here in adelaide) and this car with a group of kids was doing about 140km and swerving in n out between the cars n nearly hit us. Then we got to the lights and another car came up behind the hoon car (we were in the lane next to it) n this big guy gets out and goes around to the passengers window and with a piece of thick metal bashed on the passengers window...the second bash on it broke the window...then luckily the light turned green and the hoon car drove off. Me and ryan were in total shock...we sat there with our mouths open wide dead quiet...then about 5 minutes later i turn around to him and said...if that had been our car i wouldve fainted...and then we just started laughing...was a very bizarre thing. It was kinda like we were watching a movie and we were the viewers.

Woke late this morning...of course come wednesday morning when ive gotta be up early again ill suffer lol. Food wise been really good. Last nite when i got home in a pan i fried chicken peices and onion...added light evap milk with cornflour...then added chopped up spinich...fat free semi dried tomatos and a lil parmassen cheese. and served it over pasta....truly was to die for !

Okies its a workday for me 7 hours and 29 minutes till im off work and on my weekend...enjoy ur sunday all =]

Damn shifts

Well today was a lil bit of a struggle...the last few weeks i have been working 8am-4pm and have got into a nice pattern with my eating. Today i was working 11am-7pm...which meant lunch was at 2.45pm but cos ive been doing earlies i was awake at 7am....which meant...breakfast was at 7.30am...lunch 2.45pm and dinner at 8pm..so the day was completely stretched out and to say i was hungry in the hour or two before lunch is the understatement of the year. So a bit of a challenge. Tomorrow I am working noon to 8pm so got the problem tomorrow as well. So the plan is tonite to stay up to around midnight and then hopefully wont wake up till at least 8am...now i have decided to start walking in my area....i wanna test my feet out how they will handle walking around the streets...so when i wake ill grab a banana and go for a 20 minute walk...and when i get home ill have my slim drink....when i get to work at about 11.30am ill have my weetbix...then in my first break ill have a banana & a small handful of nuts and at 4pm my lunch...so that should work lol fingers crossed !

Yesterday we are standing around waiting to go into a meeting and my friend jaimee looks at me and says...i think u look smaller...i was like oh? see thats why i luv ya...lol....then today i was annoying ryan and she turned around to me and said...im sure of it...you do look smaller...and of course i was like oh thank you thank you ! She said my waist and hips look smaller so that was really good to hear ! And the other news is ive stuck to this plan for 5 weeks.....about 12 months since ive managed to stick at it for this long !

Not a lot else going on...about to go have a shower and watch 30 something...enjoy ur friday all !

Sore tummy muscles & other stuff...

Woke this morning and thought yippee im not sore....but as i moved around noticed i bloody hell was sore...my stomach and rib area was sore...so the class yesterday obviously woke up some muscles ! I then went and saw the dietician...and told her about the pizza escapade...she said next time go to a local pizza shop get marinara pizza on thin style with only a small amount of cheese and enjoy it...she noticed that i tend to go off track when i have had some boring meals so she said thats what i need to focus on not eating the same thing all the time so i get bored. Also shes changed my afernoon snack from a dairy and a banana to just a banana (i was finding it too much) and that way if im wanting low fat cheese or light evaporated milk in my dinner i can. I think i will also buy something "treatish" but low in points to have in the freezer in case a situation like that happens again (maybe lite fish fillets and oven fries)

She then did my measurements....my boobs have increased ! *puffs out my chest* but she said thats prolly due to being prementstrual...i lost in the last 2 weeks 5 centimetres taking the total in 5 weeks ive lost to 26 centimetres, Id like to improve on that at my next measurement....i didnt drink much water when i was off work for the week when 2 days were sick leave with gastro and also then the pizza drama so all up not that bad a result) Bottom line is i dont feel like im going backwards yet if i weighed i think i would have.

Oh and nat still considering the xmas show...havent forgotten the dare !

Okies these muscles need a hot shower...enjoy your nite all !

Oh and when i walked into my dieticians office she said - your glowing (i thought she meant sweating lol) then she said no your skin is glowing...and have to admit this healthy eating and drinking water is making my hair and skin soft and lovely!)

So what...

Luv luv luv this song...and her hair is to die for !

Getting my body in balance...

Woke this morning and was hmmmm should i go and do this body balance class like i planned? Maybe i should go to the swiss ball class instead? But in the end i got my ass into gear and went to the class...and i must say im very glad I did ! It was hard...and there were a positions I couldnt do...but i prolly managed 90% of the class...by the end of the class I had built up a sweat and was feeling it (prolly didnt help that my arms were sore from yesterdays PT session) The only thing was that my right wrist hurt a lil and yesterday my left wrist hurt too when holding the free weights while doing the stepups, so i really need to find some exercise to help strengthen them...anyone know any by any chance? Then after the class finished...i went on the treadmill - rawr ! I was planning to up the gradient...which i did to 5.5 and do 20 minutes....well i lasted 16 minutes and then was too buggered...but meant i worked out for over a hour so im impressed. So now im wondering if maybe i should just work on doing body balance once a week combined with the treadmill...or whether i should just bite the bullet and try body pump as well.

Went and played gammon online today...first time i have for prolly 4 months...i thought oh lawdie i will suck...but out of 4 tournaments i won 3 - rawr ! i kicked ass. Must admit i am pretty ruthless when i play gammon love kicking peoples counters of the board.

Tonite for dinner i am making beef in black bean sauce....are u jealous? If you arent u bloody well should be! ...okies off i go to make it...have a nice nite all =]

kazz hearts her gym !

Went to the gym today for a PT session and gawd it was just what i needed. Firstly i got there and went on the treadmill did 24 minutes...only thing is i am getting too fit ! yes me ! too fit ! okies maybe thats a exageration....but a few weeks ago a gradient of 4-5 would get my heart rate up as high as 150...today on 5 it barely hit 130 which is good news of course but it means i need to up things up. I then did my PT session and my trainer is really happy with how i am going...i am now doing 40 kilos on the LAT pull down machine...ive increased the weight by 10 kilos in under 4 weeks...and every one of the machines/exercises i do have increased every week since i started...she said im doing really good. I told her im thinking about doing classes and coming more often and she said thats normal to want to do more...so tomorrow i AM going to do body balance, was gonna go and do pilattes tonite but i have been to the gym already once a day and its really windy and wet here so must admit staying indoors sounds much better.

Have also decided to have something a lil different for dinner tonite...so gonna cook hawaiian chicken out of STGTBT...okies nearly 5pm time to get dinner started !

Still thinking...

So today and especially since I got home from work I have been thinking thinking thinking...i was reading on another journal yesterday that lesbians overthink and over analyse...and well yeh anyone who reads my journal prolly already knows i fit into that category...

So anyway at lunch today i was talking to my gay boi ryan...and i told him about the pizza escapade last nite...i was explaining to him that i came home from work last nite...after having worked all day...to face yet another damn stirfry...chit all on tv...no plans....and knowing i had to be up at 5.30am on a sunday morning to do it all again and thinking this is chit...so i wanted a treat...and just something nice for dinner...his response was...why dont u go and stay in a hotel overnight and pamper yourself like you talked about before? to which i think i mumbled non coherantly...

This is one of many of my problems...i am single...i am not friendless but as i am 40 years old most of my friends are married to a bloke with kids attached at the hip...i do see them...but only once a month or once every couple of months...if your single with not too many friends in the lesbian community (ok i have one real friend in the lesbian community...who kinda drifts in and out) add to that the chitty roster i do and the fact even if i make friends and can go out for a week or two in a row...when u then have 3 or 4 weekends when u cant go out cos ur working people then kinda forget about u...unless u have a real strong friendship which is hard to create when i am working so many weekends !so if u are single...u wanna go out...u wanna enjoy life seriously what do u do? obviously pink sofa and getting more involved there which can lead to outings is one thing...but do u simply grab ur bag and go out if u feel like doing that? Even if it means being a nigelina no friends and doing it by yourself?

With my overthinking i got thinking about this week also and why i struggled last nite...and one thing is...i havent been to the gym since wednesday....never when i am going regularly do i get tempted to eat what i shouldnt eat...im so damn focussed. So i think not going to the gym is damaging to me. As i said a few days ago i wanna start classes...the treadmill is starting to bore me...and i think the action of simply walking into the gym has a huge impact on me...i go to the loo and there as i sit doing my business and there are posters on the back of the door of girls who are the current "star of the month".... there is this calming aqua colour all over the place (fernwoods colours)...there are the girls who know me (not many of the staff dont know me !) often my personal trainer is there and also my dietician and ex dietician and they all are so friendly asking how im doing etc that it IS uplifting for me. So i think wherever possible a huge focus needs to be attending the gym 5 times per week. Obviously when i start early on a saturday or sunday for work i cant go those days but i simply just have to invest this time into me or i am going to end up fat forever. Even if 2 of those visits isnt doing cardio...if its doing pilattes...or body balance...or swiss ball...i need what i get from stepping thru those front doors.

I have now been doing this nearly 5 weeks...a triumph in itself...but time for the next step...tomorrow is a new week and time to really up it all...and im guessing prolly more pondering =]

A lesson learned...

Well came home from work last night...and I seriously wanted something that i dont view as healthy ... a treat...i have absolutely nothing in the house that could be deemed a treat (even to the point of not even a pepsi max as my dietician told me no more)...so what did i do? Well pizza came into it...lol...yes i know bad...but...its a lesson learnt...which is...95% of what the dietician tells me ill follow the other 5% ill use moderation and what i honestly think i can handle. Now admittedly this has happened twice in 5 weeks...which i dont think is that bad...especially as both times it happened a few days before TOM...and i am not concerned but just wanna put measures in place to avoid it happening again. So...what i have decided is at this point i wont cut out the pepsi max...im only having it once a day which was a huge drop from drinking it constantly and its a treat with my dinner. Also i am gonna keep on hand a couple of low point "treats" (prolly weight watchers pizza or light fish fillets that birds eye sells) this way when i am in one of the moods ill reach for something that will do lil damage. I have also decided that saying no going out etc doesnt work. I know from the past i can go out once a week...have a nice meal and still lose weight - not like im not doing everything else right for goodness sakes ! So in some senses i am going to try and loosen up a lil bit to try and avoid this situation happening again...i need to also remember this is lifestyle for life. I think also as i tend to when TOM is due i can get quite moody and i was thinking like...this is going to be forever till i feel happy with my weight which is quite a different thought to how i feel today and how i normally feel...i mean im buzzed at how well im doing at the gym...it was a lil setback but i will put things in place to avoid it happening again.

I am of course at work again...so rude on a sunday lil own having to be here at 7am. But on the flip side...as i started so early i finish work at 3pm and then i am off till wednesday. No great plans altho...tomorrow i have a PT session and then in the evening i am planning to go do pilattes...and tuesday at this stage i think i might go see a movie (weather is not suppose to be too nice so the walk along the torrens mite be out)

Okies...wish me a speedy sunday till 3pm ! lol have a good day all...im off for my weetbix =]

Why did i post this picture?

...cos Im in a bit of a shane mood...and cos i bloody well felt like it....enuff said...lol

So heres my question...if I want to be in a relationship...meet that snazzy person who knocks me off my feet why in the world when someone LOCAL messages me online and introduces themselves do i cut the conversation short? Im sitting here earlier reading a blog when a email pops in...check it out and its someone adding me to their facebook...i click on their name and see we have 2 mutual friends...grrlfest and my friend felicity...so i approve adding her as a friend....so she starts chatting to me...and what do i do? minute she says brb i close the facebook window down. Now im not really concerned but it does puzzle me why i do this...i was just saying in yesterdays post being single can be isolating...yet there we go smack bang someone approaches me....and i close out of it. Maybe i wanna wait till im happier with myself before going out and meeting more people...i dunno...and i know...you cant wait for stuff you gotta live your life today...perplexing...none the less

Was watching old episodes on L word last nite...and what really confuses me...is max...who is transgendering from female to male but is getting it on with a guy? Maybe i missed something (quite possible i am blonde in everyway except the hair colour!) but i thought she is lesbian? I asked ryan about it this morning...he had no freaking idea...fat lot of good my gay boi was !

Our christmas show is coming up soon...its being done as a james bond theme...i got asked yesterday am i going....my answer? nah thats not my scene...hmmm...okies so good food...music...dancing...friends is not my scene? wtf do i avoid chit like this....GOOD FOOD is not my scene???? okies you can smell that lie a mile away....a week ago im posting how ive been dancing around the house so obviously i have no issue with dancing...and i adore music...but we wont go there right now...and well...we of course like our friends...so why dont i wanna go? Apart from feeling like the fat one? Apart from the fact i havent figured out how to let go and just enjoy myself and worry the next day about whether i looked like a dork with my fat ass dancing lol Apart from the fact i will be wondering if everyones thinking why is the fat one here? Why do i feel i dont DESERVE to go out and enjoy myself...im fat not a murderer for goodness sake...ok will have to ponder this further.

Work was not too bad today....honestly i was dreading it...so often on saturdays we are busy as chit...but this afternoon we even had some wait time...and considering how busy and horrid its been the last few weeks it was more then welcome. Tomorrow i start at 7am again....yes 7am on a sunday i damn right rude ! but then come 3pm that week is done and dusted and i will finally get 2 days off...absolute blissful cannot wait.

oooooooooooooooooo and my new...i mean first sports bra arrived ! I had to buy it online at ezibuy cos apparantly if ur bigger then a size 18 or D cup...u wouldnt exercise so they dont sell them in the regular stores...luckily i managed to get one online. And then this week i am gonna go get fitted properly for some gym shoes...omg i will then have all the proper equipment for this gym thing lol i wont know myself.

Okies and on that note...its time to go cook some beef stirfry,...enjoy ur weekend all

CHANGES

Welp it is time for some changes. Weight loss wise and healthy lifestyle wise things are going great. So slowly gonna take some new steps...one is not isolating myself so much...the other is the blog is going to change a lil. I constantly don't talk about "lesbian" topics...i avoid the topic a lot...so as not to offend anyone but thats going to change. I dont wanna be one dimensional and be only about weight loss...so theres the warning...less focus solely on weight loss and more focus on me and my lift as a whole. Also early next week i will be updating the journal...it needs a new more individual look ! I also need to start doing more...Being single and having been single for quite a while is quite isolating. And even tho i may wanna go out and do things i dont want to go to them if im going alone...but i think thats gonna change...tuesday i am going to go down the torrens river...gonna go for a walk along it take something for a snack...my mp3player and a book...and have a lil laze in the sunshine (presuming its a nice day !) also wanna start using my camera more and taking photos more. So look forward to some changes !

*yawns* 6.10am and i was at work today gawddddddddddddddddddd ryan keeps turning up earlier and earlier to pick me up lol. It is friday today but I am working this week (yes 2 more 7am starts) so hurry up 3pm sunday cos then im off work till 8am on wednesday. Monday night i am planning to go in a try the pilattes class...if that all goes well I will start to do body pump. Ultimately what id like to do per week is 2 x body punp classes, 1 body combat class + 1 body balance + 1 pilattes class per week...of course its all dependant of my roster but yep that would be the "dream" schedule.

Felicity left a message on my facebook about the new S4 girls nights that have started. I cant go this week but the next few weekends I am off or start late so maybe i can manage to get to one of the nights. Im still on pink sofa but to be honest i havent been utilising it much so its hard to justify in my head renewing the membership so when it expires ill leave it for a few months...plus while i love girls right at the moment the focus is very much on me and getting healthy.

Was feeling bit blah last night after work... so a lil after 7pm i headed off to bed and seem to have knocked it on the head as even tho i do have a slight headache at the moment im much better then last nite (was very hot and my thorat while not sore felt swollen) of course having to get up for a 7am start i slept shocking. Whenever I go back to a 7am start I end up waking up regularly thru the night my guess is im subconsciously worried about sleeping past my alarm and being late for work (and what a crime that would be LOL)

Not a lot else to say..have a good friday all =]

Went to the dietician today...I walked in and said I dont think I should eat my miscellaneous item anymore (I am allowed one miscellaneous item per day like one anzac biscuit) anyway explained i find them and popcord too moreish and i can eat them till the cows come home. We talked and decided a couple of things...one is to cut out the diet coke and pepsi max...and the other is after dinner each nite instead of the popcorn or biscuits i am to have a glass of low joule cordial and a small handful of nuts and seeds. So did that today and that seemed to work.Next is cut out the diet softdrink...so expect me to be quite grumbly over the next few days LOL. Back to work tomorrow...normally tha wouldnt bother me...but it does at the moment...partly cos of the unbelievable childish bitching that goes on within our team....also cos this new product i really have no farking idea what im doing .... which is a feeling i hate...but hopefully that wll improve with time. With that I am off for a early nite...gonna tuck myself in bed...watch the so you think you can dance finals..ni ni all

Well 5 days between posts that would normally mean I am off track eh? Not so...lifes just been busy. Ive had gastro the last 2 days and thursday and friday i caught up with my sis and her family and wednesday night went out for a chinese banquet (very yummi to say the least!) After the measurement success i was feeling really motivated then friday i had a PT session. During the PT session i do steps up 12 on each leg while holding 5 kilo weights in each hand. Normally by about the secind step im puffing...but friday wasnt till the end of the first set on my first foot did i start to get puffed ! This felt awesome...i could completely feel a improvement. Now where as i use to hate that exercise i am now starting to enjoy it. I have the next 3 days off tomorrow i am off to the gym for another PT session and tuesday i am planning to do a class (just havent worked out which) so things are going good (ok great!) and i think that is why its been 5 days between posting. I think before i was so insecure about this whole get healthy thing i was dependant on peoples comments and feedback where as now...i simply dont. The centimetres are reducing...i am feeling my fitness levels increase....my skin has improved...and ive been healthy (we apart from this gastro lol) so i will still be posting but maybe not as regularly. Okies off i go =]

wooooooooooo hoooooooooooooooooo!

Well gawd firstly this week has kicked my ass...this new product we are doing at work is completely doing my head in...so bit stressed and coming home from work im just wanting to veg out. But tonight...i went to the gym did 25 minutes on the bike...surprisingly i find the treadmill easier. Anyway then i went and saw eve and we did the measurements and i lost a total of 21 CENTIMETRES !!! (jody i think thats ummmm 8.27 inches)..so heres the breakdown:

bust - 4 cms
under bust - 5 cms
waist - 8 cms
hips - 2 cms
arms - 2 cms

So a great response ! I really didnt expect to lose more then about 3 cm on any body part and even dreamed about it the nite before last. My dietician also suggested i start to take some classes - eek ! She suggested the spin class (on the bike) but i dont think i can sit on those things for a full class hurts my ass too much ! I am thinking tho monday nite i MITE try a pilates class...id like to try but im nervous as chit...but one of the things my trainer wants me concentrating on is my balance (im kinda clumsy and lol that explains jodys comments on my past post ... and yes i do love ya too my favourite ho! lol) so anyways pilates or body balance is prolly a good way to go...anyway we will see...tomorrow i am working then tomorrow nite i have a team dinner at a chinese banquet ! okies off i go !

Confessions....

Yep have to admit I am guilty as sin...so guilty its not damn funny...so what am I guilty of? Ummm running around the house dancing...suddenly breaking out in dance steps its insane ! I did ballet and dance for manyyyyyyyyy years when i was young and was always running around the house doing some ballet step...anyway i been watching the US version of so you think you can dance...and i love all the contemporary dances (to the point I wish now I had done more of that and less ballet but thats another story) anyway that song "bleeding love" they did a awesome dance to it and everytime it comes on the radio i break out in dance...i may be bigger...but i think if u ever did a lot of dance its kinda ingrained in you...so ive been doing developes and arm movements and even the odd turn all over the place. Its so different to doing normal exercise...I love it...and I love how the movements still come naturally...i mean they may not be the greatest turns or kicks or whatever but the way the music can come on and i can just get into a flow of dance movements. Ive even thought about making up some dances to some songs i love and using that as some of my exercise away from the gym. Its certainly something that when I get under 100 kilos I would love to go take some adult contemporary classes. Okies thats all i wanted to say...wish me luck this week...we start supporting the new product tomorrow...just like starting a new job !

Back into it...

well so far today has been a total success ! Got stuck on the puter a lil today...then after reading Nats latest post and how well shes done thought stuff it...the gym is calling me...so off i went to the gym and sweated my ass off. Did 20 minutes on the treadmill at a incline of 4 and the last 10 minutes a incline of 4.5...problem is at the end when i was reducing the speed and lowering the grade it came up with a error - SYSTEM OVERLOAD and the computer on the treadmill froze LOL, then after the gym i went to Lush and bought some moisturiser then headed to target to buy a cup for making up my drinks and season one of beverley hills 90210!!! im so looking forward to the new BH 90210 and wanted to watch some of the old series. I then went to the butchers and bought a leg of lamb which ill roast tomorrow and also some beef to make a stirfry tonite. Okies thats about it....ive eaten my snack and lunch today but not my breakfast so at 4.30pm i am gonna go have my weetbix ! LOL bye all =]

Uh oh...

Well I havent been great foodwise over the last 24 hours. I havent been disastrously bad but certainly could have eaten so much better (hot chips arent in the "eat well" category) Why a lame 2 weeks later did i go off the rails? Well i can prolly come up with a million excuses....but im not really looking for a excuse to be honest i just wanna know what led to it so as to avoid it in the future. Right at the moment i am so dog gone tired...the last 2 days i have been in training for a new product and work which has set my head into a complete brain spin..its 9.20pm and i feel zonked...so thats part of it...the thought of coming home and cooking dinner was the last thing i wanted to do today...i need to talk to the dietician about some ideas that fit into the plan for some quick and easy meals. The other thing is im a lil bored ,,, lunch time came today and the thought of another friggin ham and salad roll was not doing anything to entice me. Also i need to come up with more dinners that i like...im not a huge meat eater so having 120 grams of protein each nite....well so far its been....chicken....chicken and chicken. Right at this moment i am back on track...one good thing is i drank 2.4 litres of water today and so that may help to flush the sodium out. Also i see my dietician on tuesday but cos of work and the training i havent been to see her for 2 weeks. Also my kitchen is disorganised...i have very lil bench space and so i need to organise that all this weekend. Well my eyes are struggling to stay awake simply wanted to state id been bad but moving on...off for some sleep !

So another day of being super good. So far today i have drank 1.2 litres of water already and have started on my 3rd 600ml bottle. My eating is really good and I feel really proud of myself for sticking so obsessively to it lol. Tomorrow nite i will go and do 30 minutes of cardio and tuesday nite i am being measured so big nite that nite ! LOL The biggest challenge this coming week will be next wednesday night. Our team at work won a award and $450 so we are going out for dinner for a chinese banquet. Considering how well ive been eating i have decided i wont go all "im on a diet im not eating that" but ill try and make wise choices, and no alcohol. I figure as tania often says...sometimes life is going to crop up..

I had a bit of a lightbulb moment yesterday...on the ww forum someone had just found out their partner was cheating...and i was sitting here thinking glad that didnt happen to me...OMFG i must be in friggin denial sometimes...i am SURE ang did cheat on me towards the end (and hence while she was in a new committed relationship within 2 weeks of me ending things) so yet i still think of her as some wonderful thing and prolly subconsciously still wish we could get back together...and then all of a sudden im like WTF !! I broke up with her for very valid reasons...i dont want someone like that in my life...i am amazed that 4-5 years later i am still carrying a torch for someone who i know doesnt even have decent morals...so enuff ! No more. If i meet anyone .... whereever .... no more subconsciously thinking cant get close to them in case ang comes back...i so know thats whats going on in the back of my brain.

Okies and on that delightful note lol time to do some work =]

Jumped on the scales this morning and they have gone up a bit...not gonna stress tho cos i have been spot on with my eating. My jeans today feel a lil loser around the waist too...suspect it could be a lil fluid retention from the taco seasoning on sunday night...and thats fine...it will settle down. But I prolly wont weigh again for a week or so. Also did a PT session yesterday...which went really well...we actually did the same program i had been doing with my last trainer except she stretched me out between each set of repitions. This morning I am a lil sore altho nothing overly bad. Will go thursday night and do 30 minutes of cardio again. I am amazing myself with how well i am eating...all my snacks are yoghurt and fruit. The only luxury i have is after dinner when i am allowed to have a miscellaneous "treat" where i either have airpopped popcorn, 1 anzac biscuit or a lil packet of sakatas, they are the only processed foods i am currently eating. Tonight for dinner i have chicken out so will be making a stir fry with lots of vegetables. Okies off to do some work =]

SumupDay

Well its been a nice relaxing reflecting day on how I am going since rejoining fernwood and have to say i am ecstatic and feel I am on the right track. This is day 12....and i have tracked religiously keeping to the correct food groups (even worked a yiros into it on friday!)...I exercised 3 times this week...and each time i built the exercise up a lil. I feel good...Im not tired....not getting headaches...havent had a sore back in the morning for the last few mornings. My jeans are getting looser. I am positive i am losing centimetres. I checked the scales today *yes i know im not focussing on them...but...well i needed to know LOL) and i have lost 4.2 kilos by my scales. I am completely wrapped and ready for another week, i am so so so focussed its not funny i may even be bordering on obsessive compulsive about it all lol. The only thing i am struggling with is that 4th fruit serve (its a lot of fruit in one day !) And thats the sumup for sumday ooops i mean sunday hehe okies have a good nite all....gota busy week this week 2.25 days worth of training ... my brain may be dead cells by the end of the week...okies enjoy ur week all !

Well its been a good couple of days altho my brain is in overdrive a lil. Yesterday went to the shops...stocked up well n truly...i could only just close my crisper yesterday cos I had so much vegies in there. Today and tomorrow i am off. Today I went to the gym...did 30 minutes on the treadmill with the last 20 minutes at a speed of 3.1 and gradient of 3.0 and lemme say i worked up a sweat. Im also still eating spot on and trying to make a point to eat ALL my fruit...i am suppose to have a piece of fruit at breakfast, lunch and both my snacks....i feel like ive just eaten a piece and im having to eat another piece lol. But things are going good...i must admit i have been checking my scales, but im not paying much attention to the fluctuations at all...so i feel very proud of myself over that...they are showing a loss in excess of 3 kilos (6.6 pounds for u jody) and i also know im losing centimetres my jeans are sitting quite nice now...before they were skin tight and actually at one point were bruising my stomach (you may remember a previous post about that) I am thinking about pink sofa....i think things are going so well right now...part of me thinks i should resign up...cos it would prolly mean i have the chance to meet some people and get out and about and a bit of a social life again but another part of me worries it may distract me....finding a partner is a huge motivational source for me...but i dont wanna suddenly want to put a whole pile of extra pressures on me that may effect the weight loss...so unsure what ill do there.

I will go to the gym tomorrow if i wake up at a decent hour...i need to try and correct my sleeping pattern now...after working till 11pm all this week...ive been going to sleep at like 1-2am so hopefully tonight ill go to bed by 11 and get the sleeping back on track (specially as i have a PT session 8am on monday morning - lol - welcome to a new week eh?)

OKies ...tonite its tacos for dinner .... so off i go...enjoy the rest of the weekend all

Went to the dietician today and all went pretty well ! We didnt weigh or measure me - but i will get measure at next appointment. She thought I did pretty good altho she noticed i eat a lot of the same foods. So she wants me to try porridge this week, no eating muesli bars, limiting my hot chocolate to 2 per week. But she thought id eaten good so that was all good. Also did 20 minutes on the treadmill with a speed up to 3.1 and gradient of 2.5 and that was keeping me heart rate between about 126 to 134 so i was pretty happy with that. Tomorrows shopping day so the house will be full of lots of fresh food tomorrow will be good to be a lot better prepared than last week.

And jody yes sometime over the next 3-4 weeks ill take some photos

My jeans are getting looser !

Well they areeeeeeeeeeeeeee not hugely looser off course but they are definitely sitting better on me. Ive been following this plan for 8 days now and im really feeling good. Im not overtired...my skin is improving...im not feeling deprived...and mostly im just feeling good about myself which is nice.The last 2 days its been TOM so havent been to the gym (umm yeh ok so i have been in chat doing my graphics...but nothing excessive so not a big deal i don't think - pffft jody put it on my journal before u did !lol) tomorrow tho i have a dietician appointment and on the treadmill i go...just planning to do 25 minutes plus 5 minutes on the rower. I mostly also have my food plan organised for next week to show eve the dietician too. Friday morning i will do the grocery shopping and then be super prepared ! Altho considering i started this a few days after I shopped this fortnight.

We worked 9 out of 10 days over this 10 day period so .. im sooooo sooooo sooooo looking forward to this weekend...2 days off seems like pure luxury. Was looking for something the other night so was looking in some boxes i havent unpacked in the spare bedroom and lo and behold i found clothes ! some too big for me...some fit me now and some i will have to shrink into...but was all excited...cos it was items of clothing i had forgotten about...so this weekend will have to wash them all up so i can wear them again. Also this week think i will renew my membership with pink sofa...was all not interested in going out before but now as i am on track im starting to feel more towards wanting to get out and meet people again.

Okies as per usual work calls...off i go !

happy–adjective, -pi·er, -pi·est. 1. delighted, pleased, or glad, as over a particular thing: to be happy to see a person.
2. characterized by or indicative of pleasure, contentment, or joy: a happy mood; a happy frame of mind.
3. favored by fortune; fortunate or lucky: a happy, fruitful land.
4. apt or felicitous, as actions, utterances, or ideas.
5. obsessed by or quick to use the item indicated (usually used in combination): a trigger-happy gangster. Everybody is gadget-happy these days.

Well yep I pretty much think that describes me right now. And yanno its not a happy feeling over a materialistic thing or whatever i just have a nice happy feeling inside of me, even settling to watch tv at night at the moment is a "happy" thing.

Went to the gym today and did my PT session - altho we didnt really do anything ! Well we talked a lot she wanted to know all my previous injuries, any issues i have physically, my goals etc she also saw me stumble when getting off the bike and so asked me if that happens much lol and sadly it does i am a lil clumsy so she is going to focus on my stability and balance a lot. I also told her how im petrified of the treadmill so we talked about that then she put me on the treadmill...but she talked me thru it and she told me not to worry about speed at the moment i can use gradient to push up my heart rate. So i did 5 minutes on it and all went okay. Plus I had done 25 minutes earlier on the bike. She then stretched me and told me my hips are very flexible (should i mention that the bois at work thought it was HILARIOUS and then asked me if thats the first woman to tell me their flexible lol ok stop enuff smut on the journal...) but still i felt good ... she was very nice i think she will help a lot...got blooming TOM today as well so feeling a bit bloated and blah but still in a pretty good damn mood despite it ! Tomorrow i am bringing my scales into work to store in jaimees drawer at work to stop me looking lol

Okies off i go to do some work !!

Well another good day which is pretty good seeing i am spending a saturday at work ! Another hour and 24 minutes and off i go home. And then i am off till 3 pm monday which will be good. One of the tops i bought on monday I am wearing today and it sits a lil better across my stomach now obviously i havent lost weight in 4 days but i suspect i am not as bloated (specially considering how much i have been going to the toilet !) Tonight its spaghetti for dinner. Tomorrow morning i am going to the gym and i AM going to do 45 minutes, the rest of tomorrrow i am going to just get a bit organised with housework, washing and probably some baking. Then monday morning i have my FIRST PT session with the new trainer. So will prolly be sore by the time monday afternoon comes LOL. Last nite i was on the recliner watching so you think you can dance so i sat there pointing and flexing my feet and funnily enough my calves are a lil sore today lol. Ohhhhhhhhhhh and I got two people commenting that i look healthier today...one commented on how good my skin is looking the other said i just have been looking healthier and not so pale...noticed when i went to the bathroom i have some colour in my cheeks...so things are improving even tho its too early yet for actual weight loss...okies off i go...75 minutes and its the weekendddddddddddddddddddddddd !

*whistles* feelingggggggggggg so good ! OMG its amazing....i had to get up at 7.45am this morning but actually jumped out of bed 15 minutes early so I would definitely have time for a nice breakfast without rushing it down. Last night for dinner i had chicken stirfry with carrots, spinach, onion which was absolutely delicious ! I am really feeling motivated at the moment..i did 30 minutes at the gym last nite...i will next go on sunday and i am hoping to ramp it up to 45 minutes like i planned yesterday. And of course soon as im on track and doing good i start planning for my future more. This years sole aim by the end of the year is to have that damn tax bill paid then from january i will start to save for my trip to JAPAN !!! I have been thinking about this for a while and this would be a unbelievable goal to aim for! Last night i spent researching japan and now im set on it...my bonus next year would pay for the accomodation and flight...so basically all i need to do is save the spending money. The plan is 10 days...and possible even go on one of the treks on mt fuji...(not to the top or anything silly lol) but apparantly some are relatively easy and are 2-3 hour walks. A friend from work lived there for 2 years so she has been telling me a bit about it...and OMG i didnt know there was a disneyland there? Anyway enough for today...off to do some work !

Day two and things have been good altho i am a lil down on my water but ill make sure i get it down before bed tonite (drank 2.4 litres yesterday) Foodwise i have eaten very well today...in 30 minutes i finish work and i have 3 crackers with vegemite to have while i dash out to catch the bus into town and workout the aim is 45 minutes heres hoping i can last ! im planning to try 15 minutes on the recumbent bike...10 minutes on the upright bike (hurts my ass too much) 15 minutes on the recumbent and 5 minutes on the rower...will see how i go cos i have quite a feeling it will be very busy this time of nite but will see how it goes. But i feel good and am looking forward to it...which is a change as last time i really looked at it like a chore...like a second job that i had to get out of the way so im enjoying this new way of looking at things. Chicken stirfry for dinner when i get home tonite yum yum ! Have a good nite all :)

So the plan was that I go to bed early last nite and then get up early and go to the gym unfortunately that didnt go as planned ! Was doing washing last nite and the last load took longer then expected so was super tired this morning. But tomorrow i finish work at 5.30pm so will head into the gym straight after work. Tonite i finish work at 6pm so i am going to go in when i get home...its open till 8pm so that will allow me enough time. The next few days I will go after work (except saturday which i cant make due to work) my PT session has changed to 10.30am on monday due to work. So far foodwise been good good !!! 3 weetbix with milk + honey a handful of mixed berries for breakfast and then for my first snack i had a slim drink and a banana...for lunch i have bought in tuna, baby spinich leaves and tomato ! I feel very focussed and motivated right now...okies off to do some work - bye all !

Went to the gym today following a visit to my mums. I saw the dietician first and while its normally a 15 minute session i was in there for 45 minutes with her. We talked about a lot...she was very interested in where my mind was at...where id come from weight loss wise...after much discussion she put me on the 1700 calorie diet and we decided they will only weigh me once a month and will measure me every 2 weeks so completely changing the focus...she didnt tell me how much i weighed which was fine with me. We then just discussed a lot of stuff with my head....and what i thought went wrong last time...which was quite revealing it was truly a LOT of things wrong. She also wants me to keep a "fernwood diary" i said i keep a journal but she wants this seperate and just for me. And to just focus on my training sessions and food plan and to use that to record my food and also to at the end of each day just how i feel about it all.

I then went on the bike and did 18 minutes on the upright bike till my ass hurt too much and then did 12 minutes on the recumbant bike...the plan is to go before work tomorrow n i think i will aim to do 20 minutes on the upright bike and 20 minutes on the recumbant bike. I didnt feel it was too hard altho i am starting to feel it in my calves as i sit here but thats a good sign. Okies off i go....time to relax in front of the tv for a bit before bed

What a good day !

Well i sure didnt sit on my ass all day today altho that said i did have some relaxation time and watched some tv. This morning I went to the shops bought some potting soil, some vegetable seedlings and some sport socks ! lol I have planted the seedlings already...so I have tomato, asian cabbage, spring onions potted. I also bought some carrot seeds so will buy some appropriate pots next time im at the shops. Then this evening before going to the gym i stopped in at katies...I went and checked out their clearance range...tried on 2 tops size 22 and they fitted ! OK they were firm fitting but they did fit which i was a lil surprised about. Each top was only $9.95 so a bargain too. Then I put one of their newer tops on layby...size 20...so the layby ends in 6 weeks...at which point i should be moving close to a size 20 fitting me.

I then went to fernwood and i feel SOOOOOOOOOOO pumped ! I had a long talk to the membership consultant and told her that previously i had felt that i was in the too hard basket and that they had me on too few calories. So after lots of chatting she felt i need to mix it up and have a new dietician and trainer (turns out my old PT was in a motorbike accident and so will be able out of action for a while anyway) when i explained the issues id had and what my goals are she was like "im going to put you with fiona i think the way she works would be a good match for you" so i felt really good that she wasnt just thinking match me with anyone. So i have a appointment at 3pm tomorrow with the new dietician and then following that im going to do 30 minutes on the bike...im then planning to go in before work on wednesday and get this --- i have a PT session 7.30am on friday morning....i am going to try going more in the morning this time then the evening. Now that the new roster that starts on august 25 the latest i will work is 8pm...so getting to bed by 10am-10.30am to be able to leave the house by 7am will work good. So in a minute im gonna head over and download the cardio coach mp3 work outs to put on my phone and then i will be set. In the morning I am planning to make some vegetable soup. So this is it...next stage in my journey...i so want this....and i know its easy to have motivation in the beginning but am DETERMINED to see this thru !

Ok off I go...and airlie hugssss am thinking of you

So was at the HBC site today and they have a section which is your own page where u can upload photos and also do a journal and where ajay recommends you record your goals and so I decided on goals between now and september 30


1. To embrace life a lil more and not hermit myself so much

2. Go to the gym a minimum of 4 days per week

3. Follow the slimplicity program

4. Have no sick leave from work

5. Lose centimetres - the aim is to lose 5 centimetres altogether but any loss will be the goal.

All very doable goals...none that are determined by the scale gods...which makes me feel a lil free....but I still have to stick full on to it...another looking at them now I should have added was drinking 2 litres of water per day. Not going into chat I am still finding a lil strange...this morning I pulled out a cross stitch kit my mum gave me months ago. I use to cross stitch a lot before i discoverred computers...was a huge hobby of mine and I have made some gorgeous designs so I pulled out the kit and sorted the threads. Will pick up a few accessories i need and then i can start to get stuck into it. Also checked out ebay today and found this overseas guy who sells heaps of cross stitch and has some gorgeous kits and patterns. But for the moment I will work on this one.

Watched a lil L word today before my dvd player chit itself...stopping and starting the whole time so i prolly need to buy a new one...this last one i bought was a cheapie and hasnt lasted long....mite need to invest a bit and buy a better one this time...I have the $300 voucher from myers coles to claim...so mite get it and buy one...i need to research them a bit...do those hard drives u can record on have a dvd player in them? (i know chit about this stuff !) mite have to look around and see.

What low fat cheese does everyone use? I have been having kraft 30% reduced fat slices...but theyre not nice....and dont make for a nice sandwich

Okies off i go...nearly time to get ready for work....have a good sunday all !

Quite weird not spending all my free time in chat, went to bed relatively early last night and read my new book. There was a cold case episode on with a lesbian in it set in 1932 which was rather interesting. Then when I woke today it was weird...if I am not going to sit on the puter what am I going to do with my spare time? Plenty for me to do its just a case of realigning my brain and way of thinking. But ended up going down to the shop and grabbing a gossip magazine and having a bit of a read. Which was very nice n relaxing, of course it being so wet in adelaide at the moment not exactly the weather to do a great deal. I am working till 10 pm tonight...and then 2-10 tomorrow evening too followed by a few days off.

Have been reading my journal back 2006-2007 and whilst when earlier in the year ive been saying ... i have been spot on with everything...my water intake was not spot on and there was a post where i said...i always have good losses when i am drinking my minimum of 2 litres of water. So i really need to embrace it all...eating well..drinking my water...and exercising...one out of three things doesnt get the results i want obviously. But that said i am still concerned about not being successful think in that regard my self confidence that i can do this has taken a bit of a battering. 5.30pm monday night i have a appointment at fernwood when i will resign the paperwork and discuss how we are going to tackle my goals...i will prolly look at a personal training package too but will wait and see what they offer me...but having free weekly sessions with the dietician is awesome. If i dont get any PT sessions i will sign up for the PT training nat uses online...which costs $39 a month...where as a personal trainer at my gym...would cost about $30 per week...but id prolly prefer to wait till my tax bill is fully paid of before committing to that payment as well.

I also saw a review in who today on a book called "stolen innocence" which is about a girl who ran away from a polagamy (or however you spell it) sect...i saw her interviewed on oprah and think thats prolly the next book ill read.

Not a great deal else to say....enjoy ur weekend all =]

Well time for some changes...today I have sat here and read my journal entries from january and febuary 2007, and gawd I just sounded so happy...talking about walks, and the movies, and books i was reading, and planning with my meals and what i noticed is i said that i am not going into chat as much...so...i think its time to stop talking and start doing. First thing when i get home today I am moving the laptop...currently its sitting in my lounge room. And whenever watching tv or whatever i pull it up on my lap and im in chat...so first off it is going into the study where it should have been all this time. Next im going to stop going into chat for a while...which in some ways i feel kinda bad cos i know there are some people in there who are close to me etc and they will be disappointed but i really need to focus on me. I will still do my graphics and obviously use the internet but im going to cut back on the chat (im making a committment now no voodoo or halsoft for 4 weeks...jody u see me in their kick my ass ok?) This is gonna be kinda hard but i need to do it i need to look around and see that their are other things to do...even watching some tv has got to be better and get me out of that lil box. But also i need to start just being more active...even reading...cooking...things before that i got enjoyment out of...i think this is prolly one of the biggest things that blocks me being successful...cos when i was successful i didnt go into chat much...it simply wasnt a focus ! I am waiting for a email from fernwood...I spoke to the girl today she told me she wants to speak to a trainer and also the manager and then they will email me with what they can offer me. I have told her I do have a appointment at contours today and Id like that info before going to contours. My gut tells me to do this right and go to fernwood...so that is what im really waiting for at the moment. The other thing is just to get back to healthy eating...i shopped last nite bought lots of healhy food...monday i will make up a big batch of vegetable soup. i also bought a blender last night so i can start making some yummii smoothies in the morning. Well not a lot else to say just waiting to hear back from fernwood...regardless next week...there will be exercise a happening !



UPDATE : fernwood just emailed me...and they are going to give me a FREE session EVERY week with the dietician ! Im going in on monday to have a big chat to them about it all...im very excited, after I finished work today...i went to the book store...bought me a new karin slaughter book and picked up fasta pasta for dinner and THEN walked home...30 minute walk done and dusted ! im excited ! Okies now this computer is being switched off....have a good weekend all !

Well Ive been a slackass this week eh? Thats what 4 days off will do to ya lol. Now as to whats happening on the exercise front...after waiting for fernwood to follow up on whether they would give me some free PT sessions..well i am STILL waiting for the final reply...4 days later...so that lack of interest on their part..airlies post about curves...contours being only 3 streets away and ringing contours and they were more then happy to give me a free session tomorrow...I decided that I will give them a chance...so will go there after work tomorrow at 5.30pm and see how it goes...

Whilst off work this week I did check my emails and woooo hooo won yet another award LOL...this time it was the superstar award for july and gave me another 10000 wish list points (go me) and then checked the emails again today and saw my team has won a team award (very hard to win won of these) which then gives our team half a day off work plus $450 for a event...so will have something fun coming up.

Was looking at HBC today and not only did ajay say she had been to a meeting with channel 10 where she had been worried she mite lose her job but instead walked away with some exciting news,...(god im curious what that means!) but they are going to be running a biggest loser comp on her site with real prizes with state winners etc...so thats something else that can help me to motivate..

Today went and bought a blender so i can make lots of yummii smoothies for breakfast.

Okies not much else to say...sure ill be back after I been to contours tomorrow nite - have a good friday all !

Well ive partly made some decisions. After a few emails with nat (the exercise goddess) and a lil more research...i realise now this whole time the focus should have been on a healthy & fit life and not the scales. I have decided i am going to join the gym n i am leaning towards fernwood with using the online coach. I am just debating still between contour n fernwood. As I did pay out fernwood I have emailed them to see what they can offer me...contour is closer but is only a circuit...i tell u i am terrible at making decisions like this...on a 20 minute interval i change my mind between gyms lol...anyway we will wait n see how i feel tomorrow. Tomorrow I am off again and have the docs appointment....apart from that not much else on for the day. Me n jaimee at work have also decided in our 15 minute breaks (we have 2 per day) we are gonna go out for a walk...so thats a good idea too. Not a great lot else going on....just me n my brain thinking thinking thinking


Enjoy alll

So I left a post on the HBC forum...and got a response...ive put the post down the bottom...what he says makes COMPLETE sense...i wish when id been going to fernwood i had been on this forum and read this post then. I think the scales completely screw with my head too much. I also need to get out of this thought process that diet alone will have me losing weight. So now my head is in full think mode...I need to come to some decisions and STICK by them....so basically he is saying following the wendy program...whether i do this by points or calories...having high and low days...the other thing is really work on getting into a complete gym focus. I have joined gyms so many times...i think contours is the easy way...and maybe its a good way for a few months while i build up my fitness? But fernwood is good for the whole range of things...getting to classes and having weights and cardio...also the ability to buy PT sessions if i want. Working and going to the gym is a long day to me...and my lazy side says i cant be bothered...but yanno what? I cant be bothered with things staying as they are ! I dont even enjoy the junk food. I had my one on one at work today and my boss said to me "you look healthier you have colour back in your face" so the drinking water and eating healthy is helping....i just have to get thru my head it isnt about numbers of the scales. I really need to take measurements...and maybe even throwout the scales completely...and put the focus on a healthy body...anyways any feedback like always is SO SO welcome...i have a lot of thinking to do !

I have another 2.5 hours to go then 4 days off. Im off to the doc on tuesday and hopefully will start to get the counselling organised cos I think thats another vital part I need...ok off i go...below is what the PT said.


Hi Kazz,

Firstly, great job on the 37 kilos. Secondly, hang in there, because you have shown you can do it.

Sue, Aimee and Sandra have offered great advice.

As the girls on here know, I am a big advocate for weight training, backed up by proper cardio and good nutrition, as opposed to straight out dieting and weight loss.

Body composition (fat, muscle, water ..) is most important, this means, build muscle, burn fat, so you look and feel good, while placing less emphasis on the scales.

When you have the weight to lose, consistency is the key. And yes, it can take months, and even years to drop the kilos the right way, so they don’t come back.

1200 calories is ludicrous for your daily intake needs and will only lead to muscle wastage and fluid loss – making it even more difficult to burn fat, which leads to even more weight.

Using Sue’s equations, work out your average daily needs and drop down by minimum 500 on a few days, 750 one day and cycle between so you keep your body working and guessing.

Yes, your metabolism will slow with age, but by building muscle and eating consistently, you can give it a bit of a rev.

The keys to a simple and successful program are:

Eat 5 -6 medium size meals a day every 3 hours
Drink a couple of L of water each day
2 – 3 weights sessions to start with, following each session with 30 minutes cardio
3 cardio sessions a week including aerobics classes.
A loss of 500g per week is a good start

ALLOW YOUR BODY TO RESPOND – AT LEAST 6 WEEKS ARE REQUIRED.

Hope this helped - let me know how you go

All the best,

Ads
BBT

Well some good news ! My working times have changed so the latest I finish now is 8pm ! omg thats like normal...i am so glad this last lot of working till 11pm and then the next week starting at 8.30am really knocked me around. So i can pretty much once this new roster starts (25/8) set me a bedtime of 11pm and really get into a routing with that. A lot at work arent happy but i say hell yeh...take the weekend work away from us too lol...will have to wait and see if that ever happens !

I have made a appointment with a new doctor for tuesday. I wanna talk to him about counselling and my weight loss. And get a good idea of what he/she thinks i should be doing. I also went to the contours website and saw they give away a free 3 day trial. The nearest contours to me is about 3 streets away so I filled out the form for the free pass.

Also logging my food in on HBC's website...and all looking good in regards to that !

Okies not a lot else to say...I do feel rather good that I am putting some actions into place - im outta here !

Gotta love emotional eating eh? After yesterdays gain then my brain going in overdrive I ended up eating crap most of today. Tonight I decided to get back on to thinks and just had a chick, low fat cheese and baby spinich leaves sandwich (trust me I prolly didnt even need this !) So where am i at...welllllllllllllllllllllll I have decided a couple of things....one i really think i need counselling i think ive known that for a while...and there isprolly even a part of me still apprehensive...but i did email a psychologist from pink sofa and i think i will go to the doctor...but a NEW doctor...theres one locally so i think next week when i have my days off i will go and have a chat. Im also thinking about a lot of things...but one thing i am thinking about is my surname....in a nutshell when my mum married her second husband me and my sister changed our surname to his surname. My sister has since married. But this is something thats been on my mind for quite a while and i just feel changing my surname was a unwise decision...of course changing my surname may cause my mum not to be too happy....and that in all honesty if it wasnt for my mum i would change it back...it is something i wanna do...but if i do it...its something i need to tread carefully about doing. We will have to wait and see.

I have decided to stop going to ww and i am going to use the healthybodyclub and see how i go. Its only $22.50 for 3 months...includes a food diary like i mentioned yesterday, i like their forums. So we will see how it goes...sticking to 2000 calories today. Funny after all this talk about exercise fernwood emailed me today with a advert for a gym membership from $9.95 per month which was kinda funny.

Okies off i go....time to go get organised for bed...ill weigh in tomorrow morning with my scales and then every wednesday morning !

Too much thinking...

Well not happy ! Woke up this morning and jumped on the scales...and am up 400 grams. After showing a loss of 1.4 kilos a few days ago i wasnt impressed. So i didnt go to ww i just cant bring myself to go when I know i am going to have a loss. So now my brain is in overdrive over a few things...one is i am now noticing since i have returned every second week i am having a gain. Which makes no sense to me. I did everything i should yesterda...drank 1.8 litres of water...the only thing i can think was different is i had a focacia and didnt realise till after it had some type of mustard flavoured sauce on it...by the time i ate it the cafeteria at work was closed so i couldnt even ask to see the bottle to see what was in it (suspect it prolly wasnt good cos it was yummy lol)...now my brain is like the only other thing i ate that i ahvent eaten over the last few weeks is yesterday morning i ate crumpets. (only 2) so after i weighed in i went to my emails and there was a email from ajay from the healthybodyclub asking for a survey to be done and then i decided out of curiousity to look at her site (the site i previously looked at that was $160 to join) so i nosied around and saw she had a 3 month membership for $22 and so thought bugger it ill join...so there is a introuductory after you sign up of things she suggests and of course she suggests exercise...including cardio & weight bearing...so now my brain is thinking and prolly over thinking...i am so scared of gyms due to the fact ive never had success with them...i think if i went and i lost it would be a different story...now im glad i quit fernwood it was way too expensive ($280 a month !) but there is a contours that is a 10 minute walk if that from my place that im now starting to think maybe i should consider...its only $59 a month big difference and from what i see on their sites theres bikes and treadmills as well as the weights...but there is a part of me that would be scared that going to a gym would COMPLETELY stall me...then i think maybe i should hire a treadmill...but theyre not small contraptiions and i really dont have the room for one. so now my head is in a state of confusion,,,and then again maybe i should just accept that every 2nd week ill have a gain? I mean bottom line i am doing much better then i have for a long time with not losing every week im not throwing the towel in...im actually liking drinking water lately and downing it easily...im eating vegetable soup each day...okies me and my over thinking brain are out of here ! enjoy all !


*****************************

Its later now and i am in think overdrive still lol...im starting to realise i wanna embrace this...when i think about it my food is good...im really eating well...better then ever....my water intake has always sucked but its so good now...i truly am finding it so easy to down 1.2-1.8 litres a day...but my daily activity hasnt changed...exercise hasnt been there...and even my days have encompassed sitting on the lounge more then anything...i need and more importantly want to embrace the whole change which i havent before...i know i need to do this now....and i need to not jsut with exercise but with my day i run my day need to be more active...doing more...cutting back on my time online i suspect...but more so then think i need to stop being lazy or sitting on the internet or whatever i need to focus on what i am going to DO...on the positive things even if they dont feel positive. Lately life has started to feel very much like work...eat...sleep and thats about it....nothing to feel excited about .... its all very ho hum...so i do need to get some excitement back in my life...maybe joining contours is the way to go as i would at least meet local people as well as being doing something thats not just eat sleep and work...okies more to think about off to work for now !

***************************************

Gawd im back again can you believe it? My brain is seriously in overdrive today. Ive spent a fair bit of time on the the healthybodyclub.com today and must admit i am impressed with it...their forums chit all over the ww forums...not only do they stick to the topic of weight loss they have lots of experts on the forums...they have a psychologist, fitness trainer and dietician that ajay has on staff that answer queries. So anyway i posted on their about my dilemas on the exercise one...someone answered and said i should be eating about 2000 calories based on my stats...(which is how much the biggest loser club told me i should be eating too incidently) so whilst today i was under 27 points....when i put it into their diary system it came up as just over 2300 calories...it also breaks it up and shows you what proportion is carbs - protein and fats and nearly 1000 calories i have eaten today has been carbs ! They also suggest to try walking 30 minutes per day initially so i think i will start doing that.

My brain is also in overdrive about something else...which i wasnt gonna post but i need to make sense of it. I live alone...and as most know i go into chat. Now .... there is definitely a aspect of my life that is lonely and the living alone compounded with doing crazy shift work really does make it hard to meet people. So in a sense i do really on my chat program....in it i have numerous friends...and i do get some enjoyment from it...anyway quite a few months ago i met someone on their who wasnt local. We would chat...i found her easy to chat with and all was good...i liked her and liked her company. Anyway late last week...she told me she has a "interest" in me...is keen to know me better...i was like...well ok...yeh sure we can get to know each other better....i didnt really see any harm in it...yes its not someone who is here in my real (but lets face it long time since i have had someone in my real) but yanno its some companionship except the fact that i now feel like somethings wrong...and i know im gonna now need to tell her...ok your nice and all but thats that...which is fine im not after some relationship online but it does make me wonder why i get like that? Have i hermitted myself so much and become so independent that being close to someone scares the bejeezus out of me? I mean since ang ive not been close to anyone online or in real...so...i dunno...its a weird feeling and not a feeling i like....okies seriously no more posting today ! off to do some more work ! lol

Well another week starts...how exciting LOL...this is a long week for me...i work 4 days...have wednesday off then work another 4 days...but happily i have monday-thursday off next week. I am planning to go into katies on one of those days and buy some new clothes. They have 2 levels and on the top level they have reduced items (sometimes as cheap as $5 a item) so will prolly do that one day, a bit of baking and just some relaxing pottering around the house.

Weigh in tomorrow and am expecting a nice solid loss - how good will this be - 2 losses in a row ! GO ME !!! so fingers crossed a loss does appear on those scales and of course as long as the loss is at least 200 grams I will hit 5 kilos and if its 600 grams or more I will be under 150 kilos woooo hoooo !!! so we will see how it goes.

Not a lot else going on except work, sleeping and eating LOL

PS nat - id love that chicken and corn soup recipe if you could send it to me ! thanks !

Okies off to do some work !

vegetable soup !!!!

OMFG !!!! Right about now I am in total shock...yesterday i made vegetable soup from the 1st ww book but also added spinich too it...I whipped it thru the blender so was just a thick soup but no chunky bits, bought it to work today and ate it and enjoyed it ! OMFG IM STUNNED ! Those who dont know I have awful terrible vegetable phobias (erm corn, peas and beans pop in ur mouth yanno!) I never eat vegetables I will chop up capsicum and mushies and onions in a pasta dish and ill have pasta dishes with spinich in it but thats it....so anyway made the soup...went to heat it at lunch time and said to everyone while eating lunch...watch me pull faces...well damn I liked it ! It was so damn nice...this is such a HUGE deal for me...vegetables have always been my demon...and yes they were all blended but i got the vitamins ! I am a happy girl ! okies off I go...felt like shouting this news from the rooftops hehe

Well damn proud right about now ! Wanted kfc tonite...gawd I so could freaking taste that chicken dripping in oil melting in my mouth lol but I resisted and instead pulled out steggles chicken breast fillets and a lil ww ice cream. So feeling very proud took a sneak peak at the scales and well we know I fluctuate all over the place...lol...but things are looking good...lets hope it stays at this till at least tuesday i sooooooooo wanna get under 150 kilos and reach my first 5 kilos since going back to ww this week.

On my day off today and has been lovelyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy slept in till 8.15am then got up...and just spent the day at home...Ive been so tired this week. Going from 11pm finishes to being at work 8.30am has knocked me around so that sleep in was very welcome. Tomorrow morning when I wake I am going to do the grocery shopping...I already have a shopping list written, have been thru my recipe books so have all the ingredinets on my list for a couple of recipes out of the STGTBT books and also gonna get recipes to make a big pot of the point free soup...so I can make more of a effort to get my vegies in each day. I bought some lovely bread rolls from coles this week...they were brown...with pumpkin, sunflower seeds and rye so yummii hopefully I can get some more this week...and I can have them with the soup for lunch this week.

Okies people off I go ... if not before I will be back monday night/tuesday with my weigh in result !

1.4 kilos !!!!

yay babeeee hows that for a nice solid loss ! It actually would have been a lot lower except i drank 2 litres of water today and weighed in this evening but suffice to say i was very happy after weeks of stupid fluctuating. So I am now at a total loss altogether of 20.4 kilos and 4.8 kilos since i went back to ww. The other good news is my leader is changing on tuesday mornings ! My fave leader is gonna be taking over the tuesday morning so im wrapped with that. I had to go to the monday evening meeting this week....and gawd i hated it...the LEADER discussed movies...and kept bringing up that sex for 30 minutes is 6 points....i just thought the whole meeting was rowdy and really more could have been gotten out of those 30 minutes. But anyways...most of my meetings will be with christina (yay) okies off for some dinner !

Todays Ramblings

Okay those who know me know i am pretty stubborn...i have certain "laws" i go by in my life...and as dr phil would say their deal breakers. That said i can be an opinionated ass when i want to be...and i make no apologies for that. I debated and debated over whether to write this post then thought nah shove it its my blog ill say what i damn well please *smirks*

Anyways as you may have gathered by the title i have a bee in my bonnet about something. Have you ever noticed when we start losing weight some become the all know all on weight loss? How many times have i posted on ww forums...something along the lines of im struggling but still here...to have some lil upstart who has just got back from their first meeting having lost a few kilos and then decides to tell ME what i should be doing ! Now im not a great know all either but i have managed to lose and keep off to date nearly 20 kilos so i dont think the whole newbie approach of telling me what to do will work (oh the number of times i have to click the X on the ww forums so i dont get me and my mouth in trouble lol) its also even those who have been doing it awhile...successful or mildly successful or whatever we suddenly think we can tell others what they are doing wrong...and that we have been there so we KNOW they havent been honest with themselves...ok people heres my thoughts...its NOT simply input vs output...yes a huge amount of it is the food you put in your mouth....but what about medications people may be taking? what about ill advice they may be getting? dealing with emotional issues? real life stresses? where your head is at? i know scientifically it is simply about what u put in ur mouth but we all know sooooo much can impact this weight loss. If you are doing well with your weight loss...hurrah, terrific i am so so so glad for you (honestly i am !) but remember we shouldnt judge till we have walked a mile in someone elses shoes. Now altho i am not taking this personally....simply dont judge someone else...no one knows what i am going thru just like i dont know what someone else is going thru. Being tolerant is a wonderful quality and while u may be doing great today can you GUARANTEE you will be in 6 months time?

A number of years ago i met a lady online her name is C anyways she is one of the wisest women i ever met...anyway one day i got into a disput with a friend of hers who was bi....basically telling this woman she was confused cos she didnt identify as either gay or straight...now i come to that reasoning cos while coming out i did for a short period of time identify myself as bi till i came to the conclusion u dumb broad u never wanna be with a guy again so just come on out and admit ur a lesbian lol anyway C pulled me aside...and talked to me....that just cos i didnt fully understand a bi woman didnt make them confused it simply made ME confused on the bisexual lifestyle. There are so many difference in life...from someone who is obese...to annorexic...to back white yellow...lesbian...straight...transgender...rich...poor...intelligent..etc etc etc...and one of the greatest personality traits one can have is tolerance...so next time someone isnt doing as well as you or just going about it in a different....dont judge...sit back...listen...you may learn a thing or two. When i first came out i never thought i be attracted to "butch" women...but guess what? I am...the book i am reading at the moment is about a butch woman who as she grew up people would say is she a boy or a girl? she identifies as a he-she...anyway she has a girlfriend in my book and she has decided to take male hormones...and her girlfriend has broken up with her over this....because as the gf says by being with a man (ok a transgendered man) she is giving up her lifestyle as a lesbian...its a real interesting question. If i met someone who decided to take male hormones....would i stay with them? is it like how missy higgins says that "love is fluid" and i would stay with the person cos no matter what i would still love them or the fact id be giving up my identity such a big factor i couldnt do it? Okies gawd i ramble...this is just crap going on in my head so thought id put it down in writing


PS this post is aimed at NO ONE so dont leave defensive comments...and remember this is MY blog...my outlet...so ... simply respect that

okies...over and out (does a army salute !)

Decision time...

Well a quick post before I head off to get ready for work. After much thinking and reading posts on ww forum...i have decided i am going to stop taking metformin for a month and see what happens weightloss wise. I am a couple of kilos lighter then about 5 weeks ago but considering i lost 2.9 kilos the first week thats not good enuff to me. Im convinced the metformin has restricted my weight loss. I also take my last antibiotic on monday so next week will have a decent chance of weight loss. I have a dentist appointment at noon on thursday so hopefully that will sort out the tooth drama. I am also planning to start walking around the block daily as off tomorrow (working till 11pm tonight so cant tonight lol)

Its friday today yayyyyyyyyyy its been a long weekend and we have been real busy...n that combined with working till 11pm every nite im more then ready for a couple of days off...ok off i go....have a good weekend all !

So ugh what a few days...at work last night got called into the office...there they laid out a spreadsheet of my sickleave since i started working at the company...they turned around and said whilst this year my sick leave has been better they had noticed there was some patterns to it...i pointed out to them when i go to ww my sick leave is less and when i got taken off the fixed roster to a rotating roster that made it really hard. So they have told me i can do shift swaps to try and make sure i can get to ww each week. I wasnt in trouble or anything like that they were merely wanting to know what they could do to help me. I also mentioned i prolly need some counselling and they reminded me that work does offer some free counselling sessions...we can have 4 sessions per year so i think i am going to go there and maybe they can suggest on the counselling side what i should do.

Was reading jaxxs entry today was interesting...altho it reminds me of my frustration...apart from the last 2 days my eating has been spot on...altho over the weekend i underate while my mouth was sore...yet i simply seem to fluctuate...this could be due to the fact im on painkillers, antibiotic and metformin. I also havent been exercising...so i think thats where i need to pick up. Ive been drinking 2 litres of water per day (altho not going to the toilet heaps which makes me think i am retaining fluid) i need to start to get off my ass and even this week ive used my sore mouth as a excuse not to exercise (oh have i mentioned i hate exercise? lol) i bought a gym mat last week and i do have the biggest loser dvd and i think i should start doing the dvd...i suspect too much jumping may hurt my mouth but the rest i should be able to do.

I have started rereading dr phils book...im going to very slowly read thru it all and make sure i really take it in. The bit i was reading last nite was all about relaxing and letting go of "i have to lose weight" and coming to the conclusion that i "want to lose weight - that i desire to lose weight" i really do relate to this...cos i completely stress over the scales. I will always weigh daily cos it DOES motivate me but its a double edged sword cos it can frustrate the chit out of me too...so i need to start relaxing more...maybe just think about it all 5 minutes morning and night in a relaxful way.

Im also gonna alter my breakfast a lil...ive been having 2 crumpets for breakfast each day...but i think i mite go back to my weet bix and see how that goes...anyways enuff for today...enoy ur nite all =]

Well was starting to think the abscess was healing nicely. Slept so well last nite and went without painkillers for about 9 hours...even woke during the nite and there was no pain...but this afternoon my jaw is rather sore. The scales have jumped back up showing a gain of around 500 grams...this could be due to the antibiotics and all the medication in my system or the lack of food ive eaten the last couple of days.So far ive only eaten 12.5 points...im going to cook up a nice big bowl of spaghetti bolognaise and ill have some cheese on top and that will push me well over 20 points and a lot closer to what i should be (only ate 16 points yesterday and most of that was bread as its easy for me to eat) but we will keep persevering...the one thing im impressed with is thru all this ive still stuck to the plan. Ive eaten nothing bad in the last 3 weeks and 5 days except for a croissant....which was the morning i went out for coffee with tracy and laura so im rather impressed. Once this tooth drama is resolved (once the antibiotics finish ill go to the dentist...i forsee a bill and a filling in my future lol) Once that is over and done with imma get on with exercising i have my biggest loser dvd and i bought a exercise mat...so no excuses. I have thursday and friday off work next week so ill prolly try and get into the dentist thursday morning.

Ok not a lot else going on...off i go...mite have to go watch a lil more L word lol

Got a dayam abscess

Yep...got a damn abscess in my mouth. Thursday nite i had a toothache,,,,went to sleep....woke up was fine, then yesterday went to eat my lunch a couple of bites into it im in tears and such bad pain. So I rang around trying to get in to a dentist...which of course i couldnt...so out of desperation i made a appointment with my doc hoping for some pain killers. He had a look and said its a abscess,,,,gave me painkillers and antibiotics. I had a pretty restless nice till the 3rd dose of pain killers kicked in....then managed to get some decent sleep. Today its not too bad altho im due now for another dose of pain killers and am starting to feel it. But nowhere near as sore as yesterday.

Weight wise the scales have gone down...so i should be heading for a loss...id say what i think but last time i did the ww scales didnt agree with me so we will wait and see lol Did discuss my weight with the doc. explained all the fluctuatin etc. If after a couple of more months if its not moving....they are going to refer me to a endocrinologist/metabolic dietician...so for now staying on the metformin and staying on plan =]

Okies...a short post....i need more meds and am sleepy...

Well im trying to get my head in the right place....well i kinda thing it is...i spent a lot of time yesterday reading up on metformin (tried to ask on the ww forum about anyone having issues with it n fluid retention but the thread didnt stay on topic...so i did a lot of reading at www.3fatchicks.com which has a section of their forum dedicated to PCOS...i rang and made a appointment with the doc on saturday but im gonna ring back today and ask for a appointment with a female doctor. I am really wondering if I should be taking metformin the doctor was pretty full on about me taking it...but last time i had my insulin tested (only about 3 months ago) i was in the normal range...when i read up on it one of the side effects CAN be weight gain and fluid retention. I took it a couple of years ago but i was taking it in a different way then...i was taking it several times a day...now im taking a slow release one once a day...but i am wondering if maybe i should just not be taking it. The scales are still up by 1.5 kilos today...after lots of reading last nite and thinking Ive kinda come to the conclusion that first off I need to focus on my PCOS. I tend to not take it into account...and I never really think about whats the best thing to do for my PCOS. I know there are some good books out on PCOS with one I know is specifically aimed at the right kind of foods for with PCOS so i am going to go to the bookstore tomorrow and see i I can grab it. I am then going to read it and integrate it with my ww...i may have to look at going on core i suspect. But I will do this one step at a time...firstly I will get the book and then see the doctor and discuss it...its very frustrating to think I am paying ww and eating well and yet gaining. I do sometimes wonder if its my age or what...i cant help but think there is something thats not right....cos this is very similar to what happened at the gym...so anyway ill discuss it with the doc and see what happens from there.

Well im not happy...yesterday when i weighed in and had the lost...i thought yay im on the right track as i didnt manage a series of losses while at the gym. I drank all my water last nite...but noticed i didnt get up during the nite going to the toilet as i prolly should have... i also noticed i got some stomach cramps last nite so my guess is TOM is on the way...but anyway i weighedhis morning n i have gone up by 1.7 kilos...so right about now im feeling very frustrated...well i decided to do a lil research on the metformin and found this website which says one of the side effects is fluid retention AND weight gain ! UGH this is beyond frustrating cos whilst i take these meds i get less desire to eat carbohydrate foods and im rather good with my eating and not snacking etc...but if its giving me fluid retention that really does my head in....i mite give it another week see how i go...(cos its possibly from TOM as well) and see what happens...mite have to go back to the docs and discuss it. Okies thats all today just needed to vent

Well the good news is i weighed in and had a loss...lost 500 grams...which isnt great but bottom line it is a loss and I do need to remember its while i was on leave from work. I stayed for the meeting and feel very focused again which all is good. One of the ladies there today was raving about the ww kitchen scales...and swears by them...said its one of the best investments she has made so may need to get them.

Was so friggin freezing here in Adelaide last nite...i got up in the middle of the night chucked on my dressing gown and then went back to sleep. I think tonite when i go home...ill take my lil heater into my bedroom...turn it on close the door and leave it for 30 minutes or so before going to bed that way it will hopefully be nice and warm.

Day one of the star challenge i was very good with my water altho i got up way to friggin many times during the nite for my liking. Am about to start on the water now...I know its late but if i start earlier i end up going to the toilet 50 million times and people at work think im weird lol

Not a great deal else to say...have a good day all =]

Well ive been slack eh? But back to work today plus first day for the star challenge...so completely on track ! i took a sneak peak at the scales this morning and i should register of a loss close to a kilo this week...hopefully i will manage to exceed a kilo...which is definitely a step in the right direction. Ive drank 750 mls of water and have another 750 mls to drink before the day is over.

The book im reading at the moment is awesome...its called butch stone blues and about a lesbian in the 60's/70's with all the political stuff including the aspect of racial segregation im really enjoying reading it.

We got a new computer program at work today and i think my head is ready to explode ! Will be so glad to go home tonite. Anyway not much else to say...time to head off and finish dinner...will be back tomorrow with my weigh in results =]

Well i been a damn slack ass eh? Actually i rarely write in my journal from home...usually always at work so its not something i tend to do at home. Holidays are not great for weight loss i decided LOL im so good at work...i have my schedule and have to stick to it...breaks at specific times and are generally 2 hours apart but at home that goes out the window, and when you throw in lunch at other peoples houses, and morning tea and delectable coffee shops it doesnt quite go to plan. The scales show im up about 500 grams from after my first week on ww...and im not stressing. I havent pigged out...eaten no take away (except for a chicken ceaser baguette and a croissant) so considering ive been on holidays i dont think ive been too bad. What has prolly really killed me is i made low fat muffins.2.5 points each...which is fine if you have ONE...but being at home...especially in the afternoon instead of grabbing the banana for one point been grabbing them LOL. But back to work monday...same day the star team challenge starts...so back to the routine and to focussing.

I did do my biggest loser dvd the other nite...lasted a whole 9 minutes and 20 seconds before i got woozy. But i want to start doing that more regularly. Havent done a lot else altho i did see a recipe by iian hewitson which im gonna try next weekend (have to grab a few ingredients) but am gonna change it a lil

Oh and miss adorable turns 4 on tuesday ! so big happy to her...posting her present on monday so it should arrive just in time for tuesday...okies off i go....enjoy all

well how did i go today? Well i didnt go ! No i havent given up or gone on a binge or anything....on my scales at home last week i weight 150.8 kilos...before i ate dinner last nite i weighed 150.0 i was thinking wooo hooo then i ate dinner...and being the nuerotic wwer i am weighed again before bed and was 152.1 ! I knew then i had eaten something wrong...and was right...id had bacon DUH !!! of course thats high in salt...so when i woke this morning i was 151 kilos...and i so didnt wanna go in and have a gain...so decided not to weigh in and ill go out to the salisbury meeting on saturday and weigh in there....this will teach me. Been very good again today and the books i ordered finally arrived ! So i can get them off to my niece in time for her birthday. Anyway gonna keep this short as i have the start of a migraine...have just taken panadeine forte...i expect to be unable to keep my eyes open within about 30 minutes...enjoy ur day all =]