So today and especially since I got home from work I have been thinking thinking thinking...i was reading on another journal yesterday that lesbians overthink and over analyse...and well yeh anyone who reads my journal prolly already knows i fit into that category...
So anyway at lunch today i was talking to my gay boi ryan...and i told him about the pizza escapade last nite...i was explaining to him that i came home from work last nite...after having worked all day...to face yet another damn stirfry...chit all on tv...no plans....and knowing i had to be up at 5.30am on a sunday morning to do it all again and thinking this is chit...so i wanted a treat...and just something nice for dinner...his response was...why dont u go and stay in a hotel overnight and pamper yourself like you talked about before? to which i think i mumbled non coherantly...
This is one of many of my problems...i am single...i am not friendless but as i am 40 years old most of my friends are married to a bloke with kids attached at the hip...i do see them...but only once a month or once every couple of months...if your single with not too many friends in the lesbian community (ok i have one real friend in the lesbian community...who kinda drifts in and out) add to that the chitty roster i do and the fact even if i make friends and can go out for a week or two in a row...when u then have 3 or 4 weekends when u cant go out cos ur working people then kinda forget about u...unless u have a real strong friendship which is hard to create when i am working so many weekends !so if u are single...u wanna go out...u wanna enjoy life seriously what do u do? obviously pink sofa and getting more involved there which can lead to outings is one thing...but do u simply grab ur bag and go out if u feel like doing that? Even if it means being a nigelina no friends and doing it by yourself?
With my overthinking i got thinking about this week also and why i struggled last nite...and one thing is...i havent been to the gym since wednesday....never when i am going regularly do i get tempted to eat what i shouldnt eat...im so damn focussed. So i think not going to the gym is damaging to me. As i said a few days ago i wanna start classes...the treadmill is starting to bore me...and i think the action of simply walking into the gym has a huge impact on me...i go to the loo and there as i sit doing my business and there are posters on the back of the door of girls who are the current "star of the month".... there is this calming aqua colour all over the place (fernwoods colours)...there are the girls who know me (not many of the staff dont know me !) often my personal trainer is there and also my dietician and ex dietician and they all are so friendly asking how im doing etc that it IS uplifting for me. So i think wherever possible a huge focus needs to be attending the gym 5 times per week. Obviously when i start early on a saturday or sunday for work i cant go those days but i simply just have to invest this time into me or i am going to end up fat forever. Even if 2 of those visits isnt doing cardio...if its doing pilattes...or body balance...or swiss ball...i need what i get from stepping thru those front doors.
I have now been doing this nearly 5 weeks...a triumph in itself...but time for the next step...tomorrow is a new week and time to really up it all...and im guessing prolly more pondering =]
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