Well I am very impressed with me. I am putting some changes in place so 2015 can be the year of awesomeness!

So ive set up some accountability with weighing in at HI....AND I have spoken to Fiona about training with her again (once a week at this stage) and lucky me she said yes :)  so we will prolly start with bootcamp style workouts and then when it cools down a lil back to some running :) Fiona is so good for my mindset I am soooo super excited for this!

I've also started to post photos of my food on Twitter....so if u wanna follow me lok up @kazzsjourney

Tonight I'm out for dinner at Jamie Oliver's restaurant .... I'm planning to have bruschetta followed by a prosciutto, walnut and pear salad ⭐️It's nice feeling in control!!!

Today is not going to be a great day foodwise...its xmas lunch today and its all finger food (sausage rolls, pies, pasties, cake, lollies, chips, dips, wraps etc etc)

Ive allocated 500 calories for it and just going to have a omlette for dinner and no snacks today...so hopefully it doesnt do too much damage (i will be glad for january when these things wont come up!) we are also doing kris kringle today.

Went back to the doctors last night. He is a lil puzzled over my cough. I initially had tonsilitis and he said that shouldnt cause a cough like mine. And the inhaler he had me on should have been effective after 3 days. So he has put me back on codeine linctus for another 5 days and also gastric reflux tablets in case i have silent reflux. Tonight i am going to get a chest xray as well. He said he cannot hear anything in my chest so the xray is just a precaution. He also said their is a cough going around that lasts about 6 weeks so it may be that i have (ive had it 6 weeks on sunday) I had read tho that my inhaler can take about 2 weeks to be effective.....hopefully when i finish the codeine this time i dont get worse again...fingers cross...i go back next thursday for ANOTHER follow up appointment (am over visiting doctors and paying for medications!)

I emailed Healthy Inspirations yesterday - told them I really liked the accountability i can get from them but not so much there eating plan....so i want to do my own thing but weigh in - they were all good for that sent me a lovely response back saying it was fine to weigh in have my measurements done etc so thats all good.

Had a look at the menu for jamie olivers tomorrow night...theres a proscuitto, walnut and pear salad...think that may be a winner with some entre (maybe mini stuffed capsicums?)

Enjoy all! :)

Thursday 11th December

I gave some thoughts to this diet plan last night, and while I will follow it 90% I decided I wont 100%. I think its been brilliant for showing me what leads to my cravings but there is somethings (oats and milk) which I dont think are necessary to omit.

So going as from today I have resigned up for MFP and am sitting at 1600 calories (thats what jillian recommends) and will calorie cycle. My plan will basically look like this with slight variances allowing for low and high calorie days:

breakfast: oats, protein powder and milk (if its a high calorie day ill have chia seeds as well)
Snack:Protein shake with light milk
Lunch:egg, salad and mayo
Snack:Protein shake with light milk
Dinner:Chicken and salad

As you can see its still eating really clean. I think Ive also accepted that the month of december wont be perfect eating. As anyone who knows me well knows I tend to be a bit of a hermit...so the socialising aspect is important for me. So I am going to go to social events, be in control have some treats but nothing nutty. So when I go to dinner saturday night (Saturdays will be 1900 calories) I will try and save at least 1000 calories. I will prolly have a entree and a dinner of my choice (and if i choose pasta so be it!)

My cough started to deteriate again yesterday :( thankfully i am back to the docs this evening...i think i needed to be on the codeine linctus for longer as i dont think the inhaler is effective yet (it can take a couple of weeks) so hopefully he will write me out a script for it.

I am also going to clean up my blog list (on the right over there------------>) a lot of them havent been updated a year or more and some have spam on them. There are a few I read regularly so those I will keep...if you keeep a journal or can recommend a good one leave me a comment on here or on my facebook group and i will add you!

Okies time for work...enjoy your day all!

Update :)

So time for a update - lots of good stuff happening!

My cough is clearing up (yay!) After nearly 5 weeks of this dreaded cough i got in to see my usual doctor last thursday...he advised was a ost viral asthmatic cough and put me on codeine linctus for 5 days as well as a inhaler (which i still take 4 times a day).....its definitely on the improve. But not 100% yet....but massively improved from a week ago :)

Some of you (who are on my facebook group) will already know a lot of this. I joined healthy inspirations which is a weightloss centre for females. One of the biggest advantages to them is their high level of accountability. You are expected to weigh in 3 times a week (altho they told me some only weigh in 2 times a week) weighing in every few days seems to be giving me the accountability I need, there is no...i'll just have this and get back on track tomorrow...cos tomorrow is prolly a weigh in day! LOL I started saturday morning and did my first weigh in monday night and was down 1.7 kilos....tonight i will go and weigh in as well. I took a peak on the scales at home and I seem to be down 400 grams from monday so we will see how it goes.

Healthy Inspirations has a curve  style circuit and a few classes. In all honesty i think the circuit will bore me and their classes dont appear too intense (i watched a boxing class and they didnt seem to punch too hard) HI is $30 a week....(plus gives me a 5% discount at my local grocery store). When i was at fernwood i spent $300 a fortnight doing 3 PT sessions per week so i am getting that for a tenth of the cost. I most likely will join the local jetts gym. While HI will work the first few weeks...(i havent exercised for 6-7 weeks cos of my cough) im pretty sure i will get my fitness back pretty quickly and will need more exercise wise then HI will offer me. It would work out with both jetts and HI it would cost me $90 a fortnight which is wayyyyyyyyy cheaper then what I use to pay.

I still have my fitness goals...one primarily i want to do some runs in 2015 and I know weight work is crucial...I also want to do a mix of classes which jetts seems to accomodate for,

I have a busy weekend this weekend! Saturday night out for dinner with Martine - we are going to Jamie Olivers restuarant so ooo la la - fancy!! Sunday think i am going out for brunch and then a movie with Tania. Then my sister will be down sunday to wed so we will hopefully catch up for dinner one night. :)

Improving!

I am getting better! Thank goodness at last. Still going slow....still coughing...but definitely coughing less and I have more energy....give it another week or so and I think ill be right to add dairy back in the diet and start exercising again.

Im still debating what to do. Do i go back to PT (which is $55 a session)....do i find a cheaper PT....do i get a online trainer (i have a friend who does this...and have spoken to him....if i go down this path he could take me on in december or january)...im unsure what to do at this stage...i need accountability...but i dont wanna spend ridiculous amounts on a trainer....partly i think this is about my health and investing this kind of money is worth it....another part of me thinks if one of my goal is to travel....then paying for PT wont enable me to do that....so im in a pickle about that at the moment!

Foodwise im going back to eating 1800 cals tomorrow...im gonna try and hit my protein goal (135 grams) but with not eating dairy (and so not eating cereal i add protein powder too, not eating protein shakes etc its hard) so i want to at least be under 1800 cals .... a bonus would be to hit my protein macro as well.

Anyway the aim of this week is simply to recover more...maybe next weekend i will be up to going out for a walk...even a 20 minute walk would be awesome.

Back to work tomorrow...hopefully the coughing stays under control while in the office too....have a good day all :)

Slight gain

Well the scales went up overnight...up to 116.5 kilos. I think tho thats due to the puffer i am taking as it has steroids in it which can cause some weight gain (fluid) but at least im eating good again :)

My cough is SLOWLY improving. Supposedly it takes around a week for the puffer to be effective...thursday it will be a week so hopefully by early next week it will be close to being gone. Another week or so of rest after that (so i dont relapse) i will hopefully be back at the gym.

Not much else going...just a bit super proud that im eating so much better (oh and 2.5 weeks without diet coke!)

Sick

Well I am still sick! Actually I am getting better but far from 100% :( What started out as a infected cyst in my throat has now turned into a bad cough that wont go away - I am on a puffer for it...and its slowly improving.

My ankle which I sprained still has some pain in it (altho minor) and nearly 2 weeks later STILL has bruising! But i had it xrayed last thursday and its definitely not broken.

So the gym is still a while away ..even if my ankle was 100% i wouldnt be going due to the cough. Im hoping to be back there in 2 weeks time..I dont want to go back there before I am ready and ending up sick again.

The interesting thing is my appetite has really disappeared! Pretty much since I walked out of Jillians show. I also havent had a diet coke since then...so not sure if its from the not having diet coke (ive always believed thats contributed to my carb cravings) or Jillians sublimal messages (lol) or a combination of both.

After not working most of last week I am working today - and surviving so far. The biggest killer for this cough is the office air conditioning...and its certainly making me cough to a degree but not as bad as I expected.

The other good thing was...even tho while being sick i havent tracked calories i was SLIGHTLY down from 2 weeks ago...2 weeks ago i was 117.3 kilos this morning 115.9 kilos. And that said ive not been eating "great" foods....no milk cos that makes me cough...nothing cold...ive been eating lots of plain pasta cos that just slides down my throat, but this evening i am going to cook a beef stir fry for dinner :)

I am really ready to lose this lard and so thing daily posts (or close to it will be back on the agenda)!

On track :)

Its funny how since the Jillian show my eating has been so on track. I have been a lil hungry right before meals (just as I use to get a few years ago) and I am not looking for food every minute I am awake LOL. I think some subtle messages must have gotten thru to me :)

In line with that the scales have gone down...altho my official weigh in is on saturday on the gyms scales....my trainer told me just to aim for a half a kilo loss but it will be bigger then that.

Tonight I was suppose to go to the gym for RPM...BUT i have come down with a sore throat and my ears are a bit blocked. Suspecting I may be coming down with something (but I have NO time for this!)...so tonight a early night...rug up will get warm and I have some lemsip...hopefully that will knock this on the head. I have run out of paid sick leave at least for a month or so...so cannot afford to be sick,

Not much else going on...still trying to come down to earth from Jillian haha!

Jillian Michaels

So I went to Brisbane on Thursday to see  Jillian Michaels show "Maximise your life". I flew in thursday morning and spent thursday at my Aunties house....I saw 2 Uncles I hadnt seen since I was 14 and 2 cousins I hadnt seen since I was 9 :)

Friday I spent the day at Southbank with my Aunty and we caught up with one other aunty for a coffee. Afterwards I went and got my eyebrows waxed and then Went back to the hotel for a lil lie down before the show.

I got to the theatre a lil after 6.30pm picked up my VIP pass:

I then went and bought some merchandise (which looking later at my bank account I shouldnt have)...I bought 2 t shirts...both black one in my current size and one in size small...so a goal t shirt :) I also bought a mug:

The show started a lil after 7.30pm. The show was broken up into 3 sections: Science (food), Sweat (exercise) and self (mindset) I seriously could have sat there for hourssssssssss listening to Jillian. When she initially came out she high 5'd everyone in the front row (and yes I was in the front row!) Janice who is her radio show producer was also part of the show and was HILARIOUS omg so funny! Here is some pics:

So what did I get out of the show??? LOTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Here is a brief recap in dot points:

Food: She showed how to work out how many calories to eat to lose weight. Surprisingly she had a easy way to lose weight...move more eat less LOL. But after she showed us that she then told us next important thing is NOT macros....but instead the quality of food is the next important thing. She then went on to explain to suss out what to eat or not to eat...do it like this - you rate foods 1 to 10. Foods that are a 1 are things like salmon, chicken breast, blue berries etc...foods that are a 5 are treat foods but treat foods not full of a pile of crap (organic chocolate for example) and a 10 food would be fast food junk. Sooooooooooo you eat 1 to 5 foods but no 10 foods. You eat 1 foods 80% of the time and 5 foods 20% of the time.

Nurture yourself: Have a relationship with yourself. As an example she said...if you want a partner who buys you flowers....go buy yourself flowers and put them on your bedside cabinet

Dont be a dick: self explainatory lol....basically....just be a nice person

Exercise : Work out at 85% of your heart rate. She recommended basically anything that gets you moving....her suggestions were pilates, yoga, kick boxing, running, weights, pole dancing. She then said....if pilates doesnt get you to 85% of your heart rate then do something else, but her emphasise was on doing what you enjoy. She also recommended 5-6 hours of exercise a week.

I also LOVED how she doesnt love exercise. My previous trainer made it seem wrong that I didnt like exercise. But Jillian was similar to me...doesnt enjoy the process but likes the benefits.

Dont cosign your own bullshit: Yep I do this too much. "Yeh Ill just eat this today...tomorrow I will get back on track" - no more

Be present: Nothing new here...but its so important to just live in the moment. I did that at the show...I paid attention only to the show...not taking photos or paying attention to others around me....

She talked a lot about how we all eat a sandwich full of such things as guilt, hate, anger etc and I could relate some of this to my weight gain. She also talked a lot about finding our why:

Theres a couple of reasons for my weight gain. My guilt from setting up limitations with mum. After she passed away I have felt guilty for that even tho I know it was the best decision for me especially for my mental health. We cannot change others actions/choices ... only our own. So I did what was best for me and while I wish mum was still here it is up to me to live the best life I can.

I dated someone in 2011...I think i felt "lucky" and that it was a once in a lifetime opportunity and if it didnt work out that was it for me. It didnt eventuate into anything and i think instead of putting myself out there again I let fear get in the way and decided to dump real people and reconnect with my friend food. I decided and remember very clearly deciding and saying (to anyone who would listen) I dont need the drama of meeting and dating someone. The truth of the matter is I want a social life. I want to get out there and travel, to hang with friends and spend a decent proportion of my life laughing, and with luck meet that person who not only makes me laugh but that I end up having some crazy, passionate relationship with. As Jillian says we all need a why,,,,thats my why,

And for the most important thing! A pic of me with Jillian!!

Decision made :)

Well after to-ing and fro-ing about returning to weight watchers I decided not to return and to stick to counting calories. I dont want to offend anyone about ww .... but for me....there is too much stuff up in the air...do you or dont you eat the weekly points, activity points etc...how many pieces of fruit do you stick too etc etc....I also looked at some of the meals.... fruit toast is less points then oats, protein powder and milk...while there is a slight calorie different....it seemed to me odd...to see a program like that where I would go...well fruit toast is lower points so i will go for that...but its got a huge amount of sugar in it....I just cannot come to a level of peace about it...if i was new to losing weight i prolly would....but with my nutritional knowledge it doesnt seem the right decision.

One of the big reasons for contemplating going to ww was the accountability of weighing in...but  my trainer had offered to do that on saturdays before PT so think i will message her tomorrow and tell her i want to start weighing in with her.

This week is a funny week....as I head off to brisbane thursday morning and see Jillian Michaels on friday (yay!). So exercise wise i will do PT on monday & tuesday, RPM on wednesday night, there is a workout with Jillian on friday (only 30 minutes) and then sunday when I am back I will go into the gym for body pump. So only 3 working days this week ... yay!

Have a fab day all =]

In the moment

Today I woke up early and was laying in bed ... thinking. I knew I had PT this morning and I was looking forward to it. I was keen. I wasnt keen to go do a trillion squats or pushups....but I was keen for the 45 minutes of just focusing on me and my journey....and knowing how accomplished I would feel afterwards.

It got me thinking how things can change. The trainer I have now I have only been training with since August. In november 2013 i started training with a different trainer..I realise now I was only going thru the motions....she didnt like me. She didnt like dealing with someone who had issues and wasnt in love with the gym. Having got to 173 kilos as my highest I obviously have issues. You dont put your body thru that kind of stress without giving it some long term effects. Whether it is mental effects (fears of breaking things from weight, falling over or simply how I looked doing certain exercises)

I ended up leaving when I couldn't deal with that trainer anymore (long story I wont bore yas with!), and what clicked to me today is whilst my personal training sessions are WAY more intensive these days...I am not just going thru the process....I am actually in the moment - which is so important!

So today I went into the gym, 15 minutes on the cross trainer and then a 45 minute PT session. My trainer comes and gets me and says....we are doing 100 reps of each exercise today....lol....dies! Haha!! But actually the session flew by!

So thats what I am going to remember today ...if I am just going thru the motions....whatever I am doing is probably not the right thing for me...keep looking for the right thing...so I can live in the moment!

October 15 2014

Feels like a lot has happened since the weekend!

So ive started doing the 3 PT sessions a week.  They are going really good and are basically weight sessions...altho they are cardio sessions as well...as they include a mix of things with the weight work. The sessions are going great, and she commented last night that my back (since the injury) has made really good progress....so thats awesome news :)

Foodwise I have been back on track since Sunday. But I decided yesterday some more accountability is needed. So I have decided to return to Weight Watchers. Food is food...its all the same (whether i count calories or Ww points) but i feel at the moment the accountability of the meetings will help. So I will start going mondays on 27/10 (next monday I have PT monday night due to me going away) So im still counting calories till I start and get a full understanding of their program (never know maybe Ill get lifetime membership!)

I have been at the gym the last 3 out of 4 days :) Ive had some stresses going on...and decided to not go tonight and have a "mental health break".... I am noticing the days I gym it....its a breeze sticking to my food.

I got my delivery of trutein chocolate peanut buttercup protein powder today (yum!!!) they also included some sachets of their other flavours (chocolate truffle, cinnabun, shamrock, vanilla bean) and also some pre workout drinks (think they are like high caffeine to get more out of ur workouts....need to look at them properly)....i love my oats with protein powder and cold milk so glad I will be back to having them in the morning!!

Any ww recommendations....Im happy to hear them (current recipe books I should get, food items - not that ill be eating much artificial foods, etc)

OH and btw!!! 7 sleeps till I head off to brisbane...and 8 sleeps till Jillian!

October 12 2014

Last night I went out to dinner with Martine. I was getting dressed to go out....grabbed a jumper of mine. Its a gorgeous jumper....anyway it was a jumper I love...thats a loose fit. I havent worn it for a month or two....put it on....and it was even tight on my ARMS! my arms!!! like wtf???? I was so disgusted....I felt awful the entire night. Over the last week clothes are not fitting me, ive got a very slight amount of fluid on my feet (anyone who followed my journal from 2006 may remember I had severe fluid retention in my feet and calves that took months to improve), cramps in my toes (these are agony), its got to the point where its no longer a option. I cannot restart the next day or the day after..at this rate i will be 173 kilos again before I know it....and that just cannot happen pure and simple.

The bright light in all this is I am still pretty damn fit. I talked lots with Martine last night, one of the keys for me has ALWAYS been the gym. I need to attend the gym at least 5 days a week. The gym has always been a huge source of motivation for me. Even days I dont attend the gym....at the very least I need to go for a walk. So my exercise plan this week is:

monday : 45 minutes RPM + 30 minutes treadmill
tuesday: 45 minutes PT + 30 minutes treadmill
wednesday: 45 minutes RPM + 30 minutes treadmill
thursday: 45 minutes PT + 30 minutes treadmill
friday: Yoga (if i can make the class on time if not 45 minutes treadmill)
saturday: 45 minutes PT + 30 minute walk
sunday: Body balance

Heres to a healthy week!

October 11 2014

So I decided to up the ante and have committed to doing 3 PT sessions per week. Now I must say...I have done PT for years...these sessions are without a doubt the hardest I have ever done! LOL...For one thing they are longer....45 minutes. She (Candice) does a lot of circuit work including weights and cardio...which is very similar to how Jillian trains ;) So I did a PT session on thursday night and I did another this morning.Let me say the session involved: seated rows, step ups, bench press, weighted squats, leg press, wall squat sits, burpees, rower, walking lunges, crunches, cycling hah...I kid you not!

So my PT sessions are now: tuesday, thursday and saturday. So basically I have a session once every 2 to 3 days. My trainer when we discussed it was like....we will do weights in your sessions (altho as you can see from above plenty of cardio as well) and you can do cardio the other days (mostly monday and wednesday to allow for recovery on friday and sunday) When my trainer came to get me for my session today I was on the treadmill, walking on a incline. And she was like...question do you ever jog on this thing. hah. So she wants me to work on the jogging/running thing.

Tonight off out for dinner with Martine.

Have a fab night all!

5 October 2014

Yanno I nearly didnt post today....yet again my eating has not been great...and I thought oh i cannot again post "i am getting back on track" but yanno its my journal....so ill post it again and again till i do get completely back on track ;)

I have started to go thru my MFP friend list...not that I have a lot of friends on there but I do have a number of people who will post things like "i want to eat all the carb foods you have butter on"....and i think subconciously it is prolly a lil triggering. I think have online support is a GREAT benefit....but it needs to be the right support. Some of my friends on MFP are also not anti additives...and by that i mean they will debate whether there is scientific proof if artificial sweeteners, additives etc have been scientifically proven to cause issues. So I think I need to keep a watch on that list.

Anyway....back onto things...I think tho I will do a straight 1500 calories for a week or so then once I start to plateau Ill switch to calorie cycling. Tomorrow the gym is closed (well its open when I  am at work only) so no gym tomorrow night....but i am finishing work at 3.30pm so theres no reason not to fit a walk in...then tuesday night PT. I also start a second PT session per week this week. As has always been the case for me....they gym is crucial for me....its where I get a lot of motivation from...so time to really throw myself back into it! So exercise wise this is the plan this week:

Monday : Small walk
Tuesday : PT plus some cardio work
Wednesday : Upper body workout
Thursday : RPM Friday ; Leg workout
Saturday : PT plus some cardio workout


The aim would be to burn 3000 calories this week...so a average of 6oo cals a day (without accounting for monday)

I have stomach cramps today so didnt do a lot...relaxed watching tv....did a couple of loads of washing....washed my bed linen so fresh sheets on the bed tonight...yay!

Okay....here is to a good week...:)

September 27 2014

well missing in action for a few days! Thursday night I went to a bbq with my team from work. We are breaking up ;( tuesday is the last day we all work together unfortunately . The bbq was at my boss's house....we all decided to bring whatever food...and it was a huge of food! but we all put on a pretty good spread! lol (and yes calories went out the window that day lol) one of the guys had a cob bread filled with a dip made of mayo, sour cream, bacon, parsley and god knows what else....it tasted like cheese but with no cheese...it was the bomb! I did eat a bit of that - I couldnt help myself! On top of that i had 2 sausages...piece of blackforest cake...a cupcake...and a small handful of chips....certainly overate but it wasnt overly excessive (just all high calorie foods!) but it was a good night..we were a good team...all got on ridiculously well....laughed a lot...im sad that team is being broken up :(

I tried to get up early enough to attend classes but gave up LOL. I have to be up at 7.15am on monday which will kill me...but going back to work will get my sleeping back on track quick smart. So gave up and figured ill relax till monday then my routine will recommence!

Yesterday my cals were 1300 and i ended up on 1319 for the day so was happy with that. Today is a higher calorie day so 1800. I havent eaten heaps today and funnily enough not too hungry....if i have 1000 calories left by dinner tonight i might splurge and get carbonara from the lil italian store (normally i get a kebab/yiros) on saturday nights if not going out.

Oh I just discoverred the tv show the new adventures of old christine...ive watched a few episodes and its hilarious...downloading season 1 so this arvo i think a bit of laughter watching that from episode 1.

Not much else going on...enjoy ur weekend all :)

September 24 2014

Last night I went to the gym. I did 10 minutes of incline walking on the treamill...the plan was to do 25 minutes but I got my start time for PT mixed up....started at 7.15pm but I thought was 7.30pm. Anyway so first thing me and my trainer went to her office to discuss my weekly workouts...to change the upper body that she had written me and also to work out a weekly plan which will look like this:

Monday : RPM (and body pump if not sore)

Tuesday : PT

Wednesday : Upper body

Thursday : pump or RPM

friday : lower body

saturday : PT

Sunday : 1 hour walking

thursday and sunday are essentially active recovery days.

Went to the hairdressers...got my hair cut and coloured....oooh la la!

Tomorrow I will be doing body pump in the morning...then tomorrow arvo/evening I have a bbq at my managers house which should be fun...will be good to see everyone from work :)

Calories have been great....after being 113.1 kilos last wednesday morning...i was 106.1 kilos this morning :)

Enjoy your day all!

September 23 2014

So a few interesting things :) One thing I notice the more I go on the internet is I am hardly the first person to do well with weight loss...and then struggle...whether its cos someone gained 5 kilos or all their weight...or just lost their enthusiasm for the lifestyle...im not on my own....and possibly it was even to be expected. I think realising it happens to many....and it doesnt make me a failure is a huge thing for me :)

I also decided tonight at the gym I am going to have a chat to my trainer. Someone left a timely response on my MFP profile (which by the way if you want to follow me is kazzsj0urney) saying...."it doesnt all need to be cardio or all resistance work"... actually it was much longer then that but it basically was...doing a variety of what you enjoy...and lets be honest I find classes better! So my suggestion to my trainer is 2 days a week ill train with her....2 days a week ill do classes...one day a week ill walk with Martine and then 2 days a week ill do my trainers program. Initially the classes i will get into will be pump and RPM....my new gym tho also has cardio grit....i dont think im fit enough for that one yet...but that will be a goal.

So tonight i am going to get into the gym about 45 minutes before my PT session and do about 25 minutes of incline walking on the treadmill and 20 minutes or so on the xtrainer. If i am going to start running for training once i get down to the low 90's i need to start getting more comfortable on the treadmill and not fear it so much...so will start with incline walking :)

September 22 2014

Went to the gym today with the intention to do my upper body workout. I went to do the first exercise and my trainer suddenly appeared LOL. I told her the program is a lil all over the place...which is gonna be hard specially when i go back to work and going to the gym in the evenings  when its busy. So she is going to rewrite my program so its not as much moving about the gym. So i will get the new program tomorrow night. I will also then talk to her about how my goal is to be in the low 90s by february and then I want to start running again.

Foodwise...all on track today.....suppose to be 1300 cals today and I should finish up on 1335 calories for the day.

Not a heck of a lot else to say! Enjoy your day all :)

September 20 2014

Another good day :) My headache is very mild...barely there....where as the last  few days i spent in bed...today i got up...spent the entire day up...ventured to the shops...did several loads of washing.

Today was a high calorie day...this afternoon the plan was to have some greek yoghurt with protein powder in it (which i often have) but it was yuck. So i didnt eat it...went looking for a different snack...had a banana and pb....and still wasnt satisfied....so had a few bits of fritz. Normally that would be a time to go...bugger it...lets go crazy. But i really am realising this is no longer a case of "i can restart tomorrow". Nothing is more important then my health and focusing on it...i really deserve this....and its not just me saying that...im starting to believe it again!

 In a couple of weeks time my friend Martine and I are going to start walking around the torrens river on sunday mornings. :)

Tomorrow morning I want to get the house organised in the  arvo i want tomake up sandwiches to freeze....i also wanna do some baking....make some protein balls....(gotta find some good recipes) and maybe some muffins which I will freeze...will go thru my symply too good to be true books later. (Im stillbeing cautious as i dont want the migraine to return) monday morning will be the upper body workout and then tuesday night PT.

Also the scales went down overnight a lil too...super glad specially as I took painkillers yesterday (then tend to make me retain fluid)...so as of this morning was 107.8 kilos.

Have a fab saturday night all!

September 19 2014

I have had the migraine from hell of late. Started wednesday night....yesterday I was vomiting from it....its now friday night....my stomach and head are still sore but improving...hopefully tomorrow i will be up and about and back to the gym on sunday (body balance class)

Its strange i got back from my holiday and just got straight back on track (which is a relief). Over my week holiday i gained 8.2 kilos (i kid you not!) back on track 2 days and I am down 4.9 kilos....with luck by this time next week i will be back to where I was before my holidays (104.9 kilos)...im currently 108.2 kilos.

I spoke to candice on wednesday night and will start doing 2 x 45 minute PT sessions a week in a few weeks time (on tuesday nights and saturday mornings). As i have mentioned too she has written me out programs....come monday i hope i will be well enough to get back into them...its a different way of training to what I have done in the past. Its definitely strength training focused but done as circuits and the idea is to time myself which means they are quite cardio based as well. So not doing fitness classes - except body balance once a week.

I also decided on some goals. Until i get under 91 kilos I just want to focus on my weight loss. Im hoping my the start of 2015 I will be back under 91 kilos. Then I want to start doing some running AND stairclimbing training. My aim is to do 3 x 5kmish runs next year, one 10km run and also do the eureka stair climb in melbourne in november. Stairclimbing and running both help each other. But I dont want to train for either till i am a bit smaller again. I think also I might look outside of SA for some of the runs....get a few weekends away as part of it...yanno....live life a bit more!

Foodwise going good...im back calorie cycling (which works best for me) and eating 1500 calories....works well!

Next week is my last week of leave :( Wednesday arvo I have a hair appointment...getting a completely different look....thursday morning i THINK i might be climbing mount lofty....thursday arvo/evening a bbq at my managers house....and saturday night out to dinner with Martine...so i need to get superwell so im all good come monday!

Have a fab weekend all :)

September 16 2014

So after deciding to stop posting here and my fb page....I decided against that. I have decided instead it is more beneficial to embrace and build my support network.

So I am back from my holiday YAY. A week of hotel living was not good for the waist line! Eek.

This morning when I woke and checked FB i had a lil bit of a reality check...a friend of mine i went to school with and who is 6 months younger then me had a mini stroke. She is okay but its a huge reminder. I started this weight loss journey all these years ago...not to get into a pair of size 8 jeans but to get healthy...to avoid ending up in a cardiac ward and being dependant on others.

I was suppose to train with candice tonight...but after travelling for most of the day i am just to buggered....but tomorrow morning i will weigh in and its back to my calorie cycling and recommitting to the exercise program candice has written for me.

Tomorrow i want to go shopping too...is. want new bedding...new quilt, quilt cover and sheets. I also wanna get some new running bare clothes.

Hoping tomorrow i can get in for a PT session. Time for action and back to saving my life!

CLOSED

I have decided that it is time to close this old faithful blog down. Blogger is a lil bit old hat these days, and I have too many social networking sites. As tumblr has a huge weight loss/fitblr community I am going to stick with that so will no longer be posting on here (I wont delete the journal tho) I will also no longer be posting on my fb group and that I will be deleting. If you do want to keep following me you can find me at http://kazzsjourney.tumblr.com - that is the only place I will be writing and updating on my weight loss journey. Peace :)

I realised something today....Ive stopped living and am really just existing again. Going back a few years ago I did a couple of trips to Sydney...one of them I climbed the Harbor Bridge...the other I did Adventure Caving. Right now I feel too sluggish to do anything so vigorous, yet i am at a similar as I was then when I climbed the bridge. Not only is my food lacking (or overly abundant)....my exercise out of a routine....ive come to exist again. No longer thinking...I want to meet someone and doing all I can to be the person someone would like to meet....no longer getting out there in the fresh air...no longer being the best person I can be....it seems crazy that I am so far from who I was when I was 79 kilos and happy.

But the truth is...I have done this before...I am not going to wake up tomorrow and suddenly be the person I was 3 years ago. But I can take steps each day to being what I was.

Ive said it often that finding the MFP forums was bad for me. There is a lot of boasting on there..."I eat ice cream every day and can still lose 1 pound a week" etc...for me I cannot do that...I knew what to do and what I could and couldnt do before I found MFP...but for a long time I think I have tried to figure out a way to eat treat food and still lose weight like others claim they can do. Its kinda like on MFP if you can eat high calories and lose weight your a national hero.

Now that I am getting iron injections in a few weeks time it should have me with energy levels much better in a couple of weeks time.

So the aim in Sydney is not to be a sloth lol...to get out there and do stuff (thinking the zoo one day)....a friend and I are going to climb mt lofty towards the end of the month. So this is a 3 prong approach...get the food right...exercise and get out there and live more!

Has a plan!

Must be a day for thinking! I was thinking about what previously worked when I lost weight:

• Eat minimal processed foods
• Calorie cycled
• Organic eating where possible
• Exercise (daily! And not just a 30 minute workout...considering how much weight I have lost and my medical conditions I seem to need intense daily exercise at least 1 hour a day)
• Drink  3 litres of water a day
• Daily weigh ins
• Watch my sodium (2000mg a day or less)
• 
  

These seem to be the important components of losing weight for me. I was thinking how I have become more of a hermit...a day at home with the laptop on my lap...watching tv...has become common place for me, So I think its time to moderate that...so no laptop/chat etc until 6pm...and also no diet coke till after 6pm as well. I really want to get back to being that person out in the sunshine enjoying life...not the person stuck living via a computer.

So I decided this week just to get me on the right path....1500 calories a day...then the following monday I will start the calorie cycle plan. Exercise this week will also be:

monday AM : Leg workout 

monday PM : RPM

tuesday : PT (full body workout)

 

wednesday AM : body balance

wednesday PM : cardio workout

 

thursday AM : upper body workout

thursday PM : RPM

friday AM : Leg workout

saturday AM : Upper body workout

sunday AM : 6km walk

Its key I get back into a routine. I know a lot of people would say start out slowly...but i was working out 4 days a week up till 3-4 weeks ago...so i dont want a pile of excuses...just get on with things. 

So the above will be this weeks plan...the next week when I am in Sydney/Gold Coasst the days while I am away the big focus will be just to get in 10,000 steps a day...which should be easy in Sydney and not to bad in the gold coast either...time to get busy and do this!

August 31 2014

So I am on holidays as of 4pm today! YAY

Foodwise today hasnt been great cos I wasnt very organised and I forgot to get meat out of the freezer UGH. So might splurge and get some pasta tonight cos I really dont have anything in the cupboards...but serious stuff as of tomorrow morning.

This getting back on track is like a "comeback" I even considered starting a new journal and renaming all my stuff just to indicate this is fresh...the next and LAST part of my journey...maybe called the comeback kid haha ;) or maybe ill rename this one....jsut to cement it what I am doing.

The interesting thing as my nutritional coach explained...regardless of what other people are doing...I simply cannot eat as much as others and expect weight loss.

When I was eating 1685 calories...my weight plateaud....which is why the maximum I feel I can eat is 1500 calories...and prolly why I needed to eat 1200 calories when I got down to 80 kilos. The fact of the matter is i have PCOS...i have a fatty liver....and in eating for those to get weight loss...I need to do things slightly different to current recommendations. The science studies really seem to back up these days eating high protein and high fat...but that doesnt work for me. Which is why I feel 1500 calories is appropriate...and plus that is what worked previously...and thats the data i need to go on....not what works for others but works for me!

My trainer wrote me out programs....split body parts etc....I want to try and get into that but with a combination of classes. I certainly want to give the weight work a try...but find i like classes too...not having to think but just follow instructions kinda works for me LOL...and there is the motivation you get from it too. But I will prolly chat to my trainer about that tuesday night, the best way to plan all this. Tomorrow morning tho the aim is to walk to and from the gym....do the upper body program my trainer wrote for me then back in the evening for a RPM class. As I have said many times...while fat/weight loss is my number one focus...running has always been a goal as well and while right at the moment i could do sprints but not sure lugging my body around while running would be fun...its certainly a aim...and doing some cardio classes is not a bad option!

August 30 2014

Well weighed in today...107.3kilos. A lot of that I know is simply fluid retention from some high sodium. I am working today and tomorrow and then I will be off work for 4 weeks. Plenty of time for working out and my meals being planned. As I said in last nights post going back to what works for me...which is 1500 calories and calorie cycling. My goal for the month of September is to be under 100 kilos by end of september. I know it sounds huge but I will prolly lose 3-4 kilos quite quickly then be left with the rest to lose! And while I may not get under 100 kilos i think its a good goal.

So today is a high calorie day of 2000 calories and tomorrow i am on 1400 calories...so will get this calorie cycling going!

As I said yesterday I am planning to do a 6km walk each morning and then Candices workouts in the afternoon....surely by doing that and eating 1500 calories the losses will start happening! Also when I am in Sydney and Gold Coast I am sure there will be plenty of opportunities to go walking.

I just sussed out the hotels...the one in sydney has no gym....the one on the gold coast does...so if not enough walking done on any day i can squeeze a workout in at the gym.

I also want to start focusing on my water. The only time I currently drink it is when I work out. So i really want to start making sure I get 3 litres in a day...I can still drink my diet coke....but I need to ensure I am getting the water in. So far today (at 11am) I have drank 1.5 litres,,,,and I am on to my 3rd bottle of 750mls...which just shows 3 litres is easily do-able!

I also want to get back to daily updates of this blog. It helped me before...so I think its a important thing I have been missing!

Enjoy your day!

Update

Well a update is well overdue! So much has happened/changed!
So for the last 2 months I did nutritional coaching. There was a lot of positives come out of it...8 weeks and i was only off track 4 days. We had me eating 1800 cals and then 1685 cals....the first week i lost 7 kilos then for 7 weeks i just fluctuated up and down within a few kilos.
Then this week I got some blood test results back...my iron levels are still low....so next week I am starting a series of 5 injections over 7 weeks. My fatty liver has got worse and the doc has told me to go on a low fat diet (which is basically what I did when I lost all the weight!)
I have also decided to go back to calorie cycling...a lot of people dont believe in it...but I swear it works for me! So....I am cutting back to 1500 calories...and calorie cycling...which looks like :

saturday : 2000sunday : 1400monday : 1700tuesday : 1400wednesday : 1300
thursday : 1500
friday :1200

Exercise wise....major changes! I wont go into the why...but I left Fernwood and rejoined Goodlife and went back to training with Candice. Its upset my routine quite a lot....but...I work tomorrow and sunday then I am off work for 4 weeks. My plan is a hours walking (about 6km each morning) and the in the afternoon doing the programs Candice has written me 3 programs taking into account my back...so a upper program, legs program and cardio program. So just get use to those and get use to the new gym.

Wednesday July 23

Well time for a update!

The scales are sitting there fluctuating between 103 and 104.5 kilos. When I went to get on my scales this morning they died :( I have a couple of spare scales (dont we all???? lol) Anyway the scales I am now using are about a kilo heavier then the ones I was working....so while I was 104.5 kilos on them this mornng...it prolly means i was really around my lowest weight so far since starting the new plan.

Anyway when I saw the scales really had had no movement i redid my measurements...i only did them 5 days ago but had dropped another 2 centimetres around my waist even tho the scales havent dropped.

I spoke to my nutritional coach and he isnt worried for a couple of reasons:

1. The fact my centimetres are going down I have obviously lost fat
2. I lost 6-7 kilos in the first week and since then the next 2 weeks I have maintained that loss...that is a win.

He doesnt believe this is a plateau. I did ask should I like at tightening my eating....i maybe watching my sodium more, cutting out some of my treats etc but he has said no. He is very big on ensuring my adherance doesnt falter and so he believes eating foods I enjoy is important. At this stage (even tho i prolly wont have a loss this week) I am going to continue sticking to what I am doing and come early august still stuck at this weight we will look at lowering my carbs and cals slightly :)

My trainer wants me to do both a boxing and combat class next week - eek! The boxing class (which is her class lol) isnt a issue i enjoy that i just need to be careful because of my back....i will prolly do it monday night but i will go easy ... its not the punches that will be an issue...its the inbetween work when you are suppose to do, but thankfully as Tamika is the instructor she will just give me alternative exercises to do.

In relation to body combat - well thats more of a challenge! I told her earlier this week how i fell 3 or 4 times in combat classes before i fell and broke my wrist. Her response was "your fears are what always hold you back" lol...yeh no kidding lol ;) Anyway she thinks my balance has improved so much it wont be a issue...me? I dont agree lol so while i will definitely do boxing i dunno about combat. We will see.

Anyway not much else going on!

Friday July 18

So its been a while! Things are mostly going good :)

Weight loss I am well on track :) As of this morning I was down 7.2 kilos from where i was on July 3. So that is going good...altho it does seem to have stalled out a lil. I have been fluctuating between 103.3 and 104.2 kilos....hopefully over the next week or so I will finally get back under 103 kilos. My nutritional coach is very happy with where I am at...he has told me he isnt concerned over the next week to 10 days if i maintain or even have a small gain. He said due to how quickly I initially lost weight I obviously retain fluid in a crazy fashion.....he also suspects for me it will be a case of losing 2-5 kilos then plateuing out then losing another 2-5 kilos...he expects Ill have lots of plateaus.

Today is day 1 of my cycle which has led me to being exhausted....and to say i was pathetic at the gym today is the understatement of the year.

Exercise wise i am still exercising but cannot say i am feeling enthused about it. With hurting my back which I am still dealing with some pain, my trainer and i have decided to go back to basics so im not doing further damage to my back and can eventually get back to some decent workouts. At the moment its lots of basic movement like squats, shoulder press, dumbell curls, chin ups, etc with a huge focus on form and bracing my core. Outside of that I am doing a bit of core and making it to a RPM class where I can. The main issue is when it comes to exercise I just feel as tho I am going thru the process of exercise but not really making progress...of course i prolly am i am just not conscious of it. Not much else going on...enjoy your weekend all (I will be working it - boo!)

Wednesday July 9

So I am a lil proud of me right now :)

My eating has been really good this week. The scales have done a massive drop yes (I will know the exact number for the week in the morning) but more then that I have felt my relationship with food has been better. Ive had lots of good foods...with lots of protein and fat (and moderate carbs) Ive had lots of things like spinach, chicken breast, oats, feta cheese, protein powder etc but also some really yummy things.....like some lindt balls, lindt chocolate, a lamb burger, a ham burger, quest bars, home made pita bread pizzas. Patrick my nutritionist guru yesterday asked me how I was finding things and as I said to him I feel like I have a good balance of treats with healthy foods which I think has made this week a lot easier!

Im also not thinking about "was this a good or bad week?"....I am doing today....and when todays over I will go to sleep and redo all the good eating tomorrow....im not gonna be at goal tomorrow....right now its about trudging thru...staying focused day after day....then before I know it (ok months away but u get the point lol) i will at one of my goals!

I did think about taking 1-2 weeks off from the gym due to my back injury to allow it to heal properly. But discussed it with Tamika last night and she felt it was best not to break up my routine (which was my concern)....so instead the only group fitness class I will do will be RPM...and we will focus on cardio and core work for the moment....getting back to things like boxing and pump is prolly at least a month away. That said she had me doing intervals on the xtrainer that kicked my ass - so all good!

Back tomorrow with this weeks results :)

Tuesday July 8

So my back is still playing up...it was improving then went to the gym last night and it is a worse today. There is a part of me tempted to take a break from the gym for a week or two. My back improved so much over the weekend when I wasnt at the gym...ill see how it goes this week. Im not keen for a break simply cos once u break routine it can be hard to get back into it.

At this stage I am not going to do boxing (think thats what flared it up last night) so im going to stick to my PT sessions, cardio equipment and RPM classes. Hopefully thats enough exercise just to help my back without over doing it.

As I mentioned previously, i have a spreadsheet which myself and patrick (my nutritional guru!) can see...yesterday he messaged me and said have you really lost that much weight or is that a typo? lol. Yesterday I did fluctuate up by 400 grams but over night it dropped another 1.2 kilos :) So since last thursday morning I have lost 5.5 kilos (12.1 pounds) but I know my body.....it will stall soon and I will possibly even gain a lil. But all this protein and fat is certainly not doing me any harm :) The best part of it is I am enjoying my healthy eating again which I hadnt for a long time.

Tonight I have RPM and then PT. I think I must be the most frustrating PT client...my trainer said last night "you are much stronger then you think you are".... that got  massive eye roll...lol...

Have a good day all :)

Sunday July 6

I am doing so ridiculously well at the moment its not funny! Food is completely on point. This past week I rested my back with a lil bit of exercise, but this week I will up the ante mostly with cardio. Just to get my body moving and avoid the back stiffing up again.

As of this morning from thursday morning I am down by 4.7 kilos...cannot complain about that eh!!???

Tomorrow night its a lil bit of cardio...followed by a boxing class and then a PT session. Time to get back loving the gym ;)

Saturday July 5

Woke up with a headache and sore eye this morning...so off to the doctors I went...turns out it was my sinuses....the eye ache has settled down a lot. Not completely gone but much better than this morning.

Weight wise I dropped another kilo overnight :) A lot of this is going to be fluid (mostly) but still a good sign....its making me realise 1800 calories if the macros are balanced out correctly. So since thursday morning at this point I have lost 3.1 kilos. Getting my protein over 135 grams and my fat over 75 grams does take quite a bit of planning which i do the night before but its working (so far). Im also trying to ensure I eat different foods so I dont get bored...but that means having to plan everyday.

Tomorrow I am going out to lunch with some of the ww girls, we are going to paleo cafe and I have already planned for it...a walnut, pear and beetroot salad with kangaroo and a coconut water....afterwards I have allowed for a hot chocolate.

So things are at a good place! I am hoping monday night to be able to do the boxing class...my trainer teaches and said if i have problems with the stuff when you get down on the ground (like pushups, mountain climbers etc) then i can do just some static squats etc...then it will be a PT session :) I will prolly get to the gym beforehand with enough time to do some cardio before hand as well so big exercise day on monday. Will possibly go for a 6km walk in the morning...depending what time i wake and how my back feels :)

Friday July 4

A perfect start to the new plan. I ate yesterday 1798 calories, 129 grams of carbs, 79 grams of fat and 141 grams of protein. I felt a lil hungry after dinner but i think that was just habit not real hunger...i simply went and showered and cleaned my teeth to avoid eating. I also did 9693 steps :) The scales overnight dropped by 2.1 kilos so i am VERY happy with that. We will see how the rest of the week goes.

Tonight i have the gym so 20-30 minutes of the cross trainer plus a 30 minute PT session of strength/stability work. Which most likely means kazz getting frustrated and resisting throwing a tantrum haha im not very good at that kinda stuff!

Okay back to work! Have a fab friday!!!

Thursday July 3

So I had the first "official" skype meeting with my nutritional guru last night and it all went REALLY well!!! So the basics of it was i am to eat 1800 calories a day, a minimum of 135 grams of protein and a minimum of 75 grams of fat. I thought getting the protein that high would be the hard part but it is actually getting the fat that high which was hard. But he suggested I stop having low fat dairy and ta-da hit it!

I have had to set up a spreadsheet....which i will daily add my morning weigh in, how many steps I took, what I did at the gym and any time where I was hungry and what I felt the hunger was from (ie real hunger, boredom etc)

Tonight I need to do some measurements and take some photos.

I need to also list my favourite 5 vegies and my favourite 3 fruits so he can see whether the ones I eat have good saeity (think he saw I dont eat lots of fruit and vegies)

Enjoy your day all!

Making it my passion!

So i wanted to do a post on making this weight loss journey "my passion". So there are several ways I went about this previously.

The first is reading. Knowledge is power. I am always keen to read good health, fitness, weight loss books - altho I haven't read any for a long time! If anyone has any books they can recommend please add a comment or you can email me at karyn.colley@gmail.com. But I thought I would include some books I have read in the past and found good:

• Inner health, outer beauty by Joanna McMillan
• The Kind Diet by Alicia Silverstone
• Master your metabolism by Jillian Michaels (this one admittedly is a hard read very technical with lots of science words!)
• The end of overeating by David Kessler

Of course there are also weight loss journals you can read so I am going to include a few I often read - but if you know of any other good ones please share!!!

• http://www.whoatemyblog.com
• http://losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com
• http://blackgirlsguidetoweightloss.com/

I am always keen for other good journals that update still please share i am always after good ones! (I know there are some other good ones like bitchcakes but I am wanting ones that are active still)

Other things you can do is sign up for yahoo or google alerts - select your topics of interest and they will appear how often you want in your inbox!

Another good site is http://stumbleupon.com - I havent used this site for a long time but use to a lot...it takes you from site to site for your favourite topics...its fab :)

Watch...with you tube, tv and streaming shows there is lots of good options for what we can view.

There are shows like :

• Extreme weight loss 
• Biggest loser
• Half tonne hospital (on foxtel)
• The fat doctor (on foxtel)
• My 400lb life (on foxtel)

You can find episodes of most if not all of these on you tube - any other recommendations? Share in comments or email me on karyn.colley@gmail.com

Podcasts - I only really listen to one but am keen for others which is (not surprising!) The Jillian Michaels Show (find it on itunes) - do you listen to any health, fitness, weight loss, fat loss shows? Please share!

A good resource also is www.fmtv.com which has a lot of good documentaries on it (some you can find on you tube as well) some of my favourites are:

• food inc
• hungry for change
• simply raw : reversing diabetes
• fat, sick and nearly dead

Im also keen for any other documentaries people can recommend!

So theres some steps, don't make weight loss a chore - if it is a chore we will never be successful - it takes time but think of it in a positive light - that it brings you enjoyment and makes you happy and it will work better for ALL of us !!

Well yesterday was definitely a success! The scales dropped 1.4 kilos overnight :)

Looks like tomorrow i will have my first "official" skype meeting that I am doing via the online consulting that I have organised. So that should be interesting what calories, macros etc he puts me at and also any other recommendations he makes. I do know there will be daily weigh ins so he can watch for trends....but apart from that I dont know too much at this stage.

I was thinking today how when weight loss was my "passion" "my hobby" my weight loss was great...so im going to start to do some posts more about what I do to be successful....not only might it benefit others but I think it will be a good reminder for me! So tomorrow I will be doing one on making this my passion!

Went to the gym tonight...20 minutes on the cross trainer then we did a lil bit of weight and core work....all went good....my back has much more mobility in it! Have a good night all :)

Well today went much better! Ate 1738 calories and ate 130 grams of protein (the aim is to eat 130 grams of protein or more!) so that went well.

Went to the gym tonight.....did 20 minutes on the cross trainer and then a PT session. I had warned my trainer my back was not doing good...so we did some intervals on the bike and a hill climb (which I sucked at!) then we did some upper weight work. All went well and I burnt 540 calories :). These PT sessions are challenging...I think I frustrate my trainer cos its not uncommon for me halfway thru a set to stop for a lil rest lol...she isnt keen on the rests lol. It would be nice to be that awesome client who gives 120% and never gives up but in all honesty that is not me :)

I bought a fitbit flex today...OMG so annoying trying to clasp it when putting it on my wrist....so damn annoying! I want to wear it :(

Not much else going on....:)

Stocktake

It never hurts to do a stocktake on health/life.

So since I gained this weight back my health is here:

I have had a flare up of a stomach ulcer
I am getting acid reflux again
Getting cramping in my feet and legs several times a week
I am starting to get migraines again...the frequency is increasing altho they are not as severe as I use to get them
Hurt my back (don't think this is related to my weight but will throw it in anyway lol)

People could look at that I guess and go thats not too bad...nothing major....no high blood pressure or diabetes etc...but i classify the above as BAD....when losing weight my migraines went, no cramps, no ulcer, no acid reflux....and plain and simple I cannot keep doing this to myself - I deserve more and it really still is a life and death situation.

The motivation has to be health....about not ending in a cardiac ward....

I deserve more then this and cannot really keep doing this to myself...

I deserve :
to have a social life
to wear pretty clothes
to look AND feel fit and healthy
the opportunity to have a relationship and have my "happily ever after"
to walk into Lorna Janes and be able to buy anything i want
to not feel self conscious on what i look like
to run with ease
to build me some nice biceps and back muscles

Tomorrow is a new start....I will be starting in the next week or two working with the online person I previously mentioned...it wont happen overnight...i wont suddenly be 79 kilos next week...but i can make progress :)

So I had a skype "meeting" with that person willing to assist with nutrition. He explained normally when he does this he also writes out exercise programs etc but as I have a trainer he could just look at my nutrition side only. I explained thats what I need most of the help. Even in just the short time I spoke to him he gave me some ideas (like wearing my fitbit...not to work out calories...just to monitor steps taken...he was like you know if you wear one...you average say 7200 steps...then stop losing weight we wouldnt necessarily cut back on food but maybe set a daily aim of 8500 steps). I am very tempted to sign  up with him...it would cost me but it would be similar cost to if i signed up for food coaching with fernwood. My main concern really is simply that my trainer wouldnt be happy with me doing that seeing as he is actually a personal trainer...altho as i said i would be seeing him for nutrition. Also its only a month by month situation I am not committing to anything long term so if it doesnt work, but just at this stage worried about that.

My back is improving. Still quite sore but it has improved even in just the last 24 hours, thankfully. I am back using the wheat bag on it again today.

I just ordered some new protein powder...i have heard its a thicker consistency which is what i need to mix it up with my oats for breakfast. AND it came in chocolate peanut butter flavour haha...impressed :)

Not much else going on...have a good sunday all :)

So I got a text message this morning from a friend I work with who had read my "crunchtime" post asking me what my motivation is. As generic as it sounds is my biggest motivation is to not weigh 173 kilos EVER again! Pure and simple it still really is a life and death journey for me still and I think in my complacency I lost that somewhere.

Anyway I talked to my friend today and we set a challenge....the "15 by 10" challenge...which means 15 kilos by 10th september (the date I fly to Sydney). I honestly have HEAPS of reasons to motivate myself from the very cute pink camoflague Lorna Jane pants I own... to the avoiding ending up in a cardiac ward! There are so many reasons, I will never have a relationship with someone with how I am at the moment...I dont even like me right now so how could someone else...but i DID like myself when I was happy with my weight loss progress and thats where I need to get back too....there are other things I want to do like get a tattoo...train for a half marathon....have some hot chick sleeping in my bed hahhaha.....go in a hot air balloon....truly live a happy life....and a happy life doesnt exist around eating food and nothing else!

So the challenge is on....Ive done good today....weetbix for breakfast...sumo salad for lunch and I am having take out pasta for dinner tonight. Back to calorie cycling which means 1800 calories on a saturday night. I havent snacked today and wasnt even tempted actually...i had protein powder at work and didnt even bother with it. I still have about 370 calories left for the day so I may splurge on some frozen berries and ice cream...or i may even just leave my calories at 1426 for the day :)

My back is doing a bit better (altho still sore)  I have used the wheat bag a LOT on it today and its really helped...im sure its just that i have muscle tightness which is why the wheatbag is helping. I am walking better and can lower myself to sit without too much drama now...ill keep using the wheatbag tomorrow and monday and hopefully that will enable me to do a normal workout on monday. Don't think my trainer was overly impressed with my efforts yesterday so guess I need to pull my socks up a bit in that department (that said i did still burn over 1000 calories in 90 minutes which is not a bad feat considering i had a sore back!)

Not much else going on....enjoy your saturday night :)

Crunch time

Went to the gym today. My back is playing up so not sure how wise that was! lol but i did a hour of PT and then a 30 minute RPM session. As i was leaving the gym Sarah who was the food coach i saw temporarily a month or so ago said "how is your food going" LOL I was like yeh its not. She then asked me if I had been to see Jenna for a food coaching session....i explained no i hurt my back had to fit in physio sessions etc etc. Coincidently at the same time (in the past week) I found out I have the opportunity to work with someone nutrition wise from the US....he is very knowledgable and has helped some people with some 12 week transformations and the progress of these people is pretty amazing. So i had a decision to make. What path do I go down? Cos i need to make a decision and COMMITT!

Tonight i watched a couple of documentaries which I have previously seen, one is called hungry for change and the other fat, sick and nearly dead. Watching them I realise at the moment I really need to "heal" my body. As i have said before I am a food addict and to gain 28 kilos I obviously have fallen back into old patterns. Really this shouldnt be too complicated I KNOW what works...not eating a pile of crap food, remembering a saying of jillians "if it didnt grow in the ground or have a mother dont eat it" I really feel I need to cleanse my body....more so then focusing on "not going off track" i need to focus on moving away from this addiction. I know the foods that help my body - chia seeds, goji berries, nuts, fruit, vegies, feta cheese. I was also big on "carbs are not evil" i think my thinking towards that has changed....there is so much science studies showing most carbs are not great for you - i think the bread needs to go...and i need to stick to grains like quinoa and barley. I would love to do a full cleanse of just plant food but with my lifestyle that wont work (plus i dont want to go to extremes). Tomorrow i am planning on weetbix, with chia seeds, honey and some goji berries for breakfast - lunch i actually have a chicken and avocado salad from sumo salad...not the best choice but not too bad....and tomorrow night gonna bake chicken breast with some barley....might have a berry smoothie after dinner. I really need to focus on eating clean following jillians principles is what i need....i did think about doing whole30 but its too extreme i dont think i need to go to that extreme. I think if i can get to 6 weeks sticking to this then i will be right. I am paying a lot for 3 PT sessions per week and I need to put all the pieces together.

Weighed in this morning and was down to 106.5 kilos. So it dropped 1.9 kilos overnight which considering I probably still ate over 2000 calories yesterday shows you how bad I was eating.. So a loss of 1.9 kilo...so far ;)

Thinking about stuff last night I think boredom with eating a lot of the same foods hasn't assisted me. So this morning I got some honey and soy wingettes...i had 4 of them for lunch super yummy and felt satisfied :)

This afternoon (since I am still stuck on the sofa!) I am going to go thru my symply to good to be true books and also ww magazine to find some recipes to make this weekend...time to break this boredom of food :)

Until later :)

Well I weighed in today....I ummed and ahhed about posting my weight....but by not posting it i am simply staying in denial. I have also decided to keep track of what I lose from today on...ie not add it to the grand total of 65+ kilos....time to stop resting on my laurels.

So i weighed 108.4 kilos...I kinda expected it to be worse. Today i didnt stick to my 1500 calories but i was a lot better then previously. I actually have a stomach ulcer (prolly bought on from crap food!) always hard not to comfort eat when stuck at home in front of the tv. I am back at work on wednesday.

I think some of my issue which I think I have previously mentioned is being bored with foods...to be honest i am a bit over bread...bit over weetbix (the list goes on and on lol) but I am going to pull out my symply to good to be true books to make some new foods.

Thats it for today - enjoy all :)

New beginnings!

So time for honesty hour. There have been so many posts of mine of late saying "tomorrow i am eating this many calories and getting back on track"...then it doesnt happen.

I have to look at this and look at what has and hasnt worked. Eating 1200 calories doesnt work. Cutting out or being told to cut out or back on my bread intake doesnt help. Regular attendance at the gym does help it gets and keeps me motivated. It needs to come back to simply eating healthy foods, foods I like, calorie controlled (but not excessive) and exercising 4-6 days per week. I think its also important that I focus on my support system as well so that is what I am trying to do.

Apart from last week with my injury my exercise has been good for a few months. So the exercise part i already have...specially week nights...the attending on saturday morning tho needs work!

A while ago...prolly 20 kilos ago (was 20 kilos lighter) I got some advice from some people online. They told me eat 1800 calories...a minimum of 130 grams of protein and 70 grams of fat. So I am going to go back to that...I remember how not on the scales moved but the changes in a month following what they recommended led to some big changes so I want to go back to doing that.

I am currently closer to 110 kilos then 100 kilos...once a food addict always a food addict. But the thing is I have done this before...I can do it again :)

I am planning to run the city to bay in september (12km run). Not this week but the week after I am hoping to start to train for it. I sprained a facet joint in my lower spine 2 weeks ago and i have been given the go ahead to slowly start runnig and jumping...i will wait another week before i start runnning of decent amounts.

So if you are keen to follow my journey more there is lots of places online you can....
facebook : http://www.facebook.com/kazzsjourney
My fitness pal : username : kazzsjourney2goal
tumblr: kazzsjourney.tumblr.com

This weeks workouts will look like this:

monday : 30 minutes boxing (if my back feels okay) + 30 minutes Pt session (weights)
tuesday : Physio session
wednesday : 45 minutes RPM session + 30 min Pt session (metabolic fat burning session)
thursday : rest day
friday : 20-30 minutes cross trainer + 30 min Pt session (strength/stability session)
Saturday : 60 minutes body pump (if my back feels up to it I will do a 60 minute body balance class too)

Weigh in this morning and I was 102.7 kilos. I was a lil unprepared today and so relied a lil too much on bbq food (the cafe was closed due to the public holiday)

Tomorrow is 1500 calories and I have already popped my food in my myfitnesspal. Im due to gym it tomorrow night...the plan would be a RPM class and a 30 minute PT session. I am undecided what to do tho since my back is still sore (altho ive put the heat pack on it a few times today and thats seemed to help)...i cannot do jarring movements and need to be careful with lifting...part of me is thinking its a waste of PT sessions if i cannot utilise them properly but another part of me is like...just attending the gym will be good for motivational levels. Better make up my mind quick as i need to let my trainer if not attending by 6.30am tomorrow morning.

I cannot remember what I did or didnt post yesterday but I did register for the city to bay (to run 12km) im hoping that my back is good to go next week and I can start to train for it.

Not really much else to say - enjoy your night all :)

I am getting back on track tomorrow...and doing things my way ;) My way always works best for me. Will take it one day at a time...tomorrow is 1600 calories...all should work well :)

I registered for the city to bay to run the 12km...so thats it...committed to training for it! Hopefully get the all clear for running this week and will start training the week the 16th....that will give me 12 weeks...i will have a look online for some 12 week programs for 12km if no luck i will message one of the trainers at the gym (who in fact won the adelaide marathon) and ask her to write me a 12km program (she has written me a 5km program in the past)

I decided as well as my calorie limit...to have a list of allowable foods, as well as treat foods. Jillian always says allow about 20% of your day on treatfoods...so thats what I am going to aim for...and this is a list of foods that i am allowing myself (not someone else)....so here goes:

eggs
bananas
greek yoghurt
seeds
nuts (raw)
pork
chicken
cheese (no slice cheese in the house)
milk
protein powder
tuna
tahini
vegetables
fruit (not dried fruit)
tuna
olive oil
potato
barley/rice
multi grain bread
weetbix
oats




Treat foods
Hamburgers (not from mcdonalds etc)
70% dark chocolate
yiros

No no foods:
white processed foods
Chocolate that isnt 70% cocoa or more
No take away foods apart from whats mentioned above
No pasta
no hot chocolate
no quest bars
no fruit toast

I decided as well as my calorie limit...to have a list of allowable foods, as well as treat foods. Jillian always says allow about 20% of your day on treatfoods...so thats what I am going to aim for...and this is a list of foods that i am allowing myself (not someone else)....so here goes:

eggs
bananas
greek yoghurt
seeds
nuts (raw)
pork
chicken
cheese (no slice cheese in the house)
milk
protein powder
tuna
tahini
vegetables
fruit (not dried fruit)
tuna
olive oil
potato
barley/rice
multi grain bread
weetbix
oats




Treat foods
Hamburgers (not from mcdonalds etc)
70% dark chocolate
yiros

No no foods:
white processed foods
Chocolate that isnt 70% cocoa or more
No take away foods apart from whats mentioned above
No pasta
no hot chocolate
no quest bars

I may add to this list...but for now this works....until september 21....i need this for some solid time not just a few weeks! Bring on the new week tomorrow :)

Its a long one....

Ive thought about doing this post a lot over the last month or so but thought it was "wrong" to put it out there....and I feel bad for some thoughts I am about to put down into words....but at the same time I think its something i need to say to remove from myself so I can get on to being a happier me.

Now as most know my mum passed away in september 2012...and I will preface this by saying my mum was a good person...anything she did do...she never did with ill intentions....and anything that occurred between us what im about to say is my perspective and my mum and myself were/are both humans...and both imperfect. I really dont want anyone (like my sister lol finding this and getting upset thinking I am bad mouthing cos I am not I am just trying to move on and deal with things)

I was a skinny kid. I lead a great childhood, altho a very sheltered childhood. Dad was in the army....he liked order....was very organised and quite the homebody...he especially liked staying at home on sundays (traits i really have) so I wasnt that kid that ran up the street into neighbours houses. I did ballet most nites...between school, ballet and sleep i didnt do much else! When I was about 13 i was in ballet class....my mum use to travel 40 minutes each way everynight for my ballet....anyway i was in ballet class....apparantly talking my head off to a friend and as mum popped her head in the teacher was telling me off for talking lol. Anyway....after class mum was like .... ur not doing ballet anymore LOL Anyway...then my dad got sick...he was diagnosed with mouth cancer and was admitted to hospital. The hospital was a 40 minute ride away.

So suddenly I am not exercising .... I am 13 and my PCOS seems to have reared its ugly head....and mum had a sick husband to deal with. My dads sickness I didnt deal with well...I remember one of the nurses pulling me aside saying they thought I should talk with someone to help deal with everything...i was like noooooooooo (of course looking back now that may have been a good idea). As mum was time poor i remember home prepared lunches were uncommon and i was often given money to buy lunch (something that rarely happened previously)...so as my PCOS developed (altho i was unaware at this stage)....not exercising....buying food from the school canteen i started to gain weight.

I remember this one time....I was in the lounge room....I was in my bra and knickers (for some strange reason) anyway i was still skinny as....but had developed a slight tummy....and I remember mum saying "look at your three rolls....like 3 boobs" (1 set of boobs and 2 rolls from my tummy)....thats the first time I ever remember my weight being addressed but certainly not the last. My weight thruout my teens was constantly discussed....and for the first 3-4 years of that i was slim! At 16 i was taken to the doctor and came out with my first "diet plan"...it consisted of points....i remember i was allowed 16 points a day....and a meat pie was 16 points....a meat pie was 500 calories so u can imagine how the diet cycle started. The thing is....I remember when I was about 17 KNOWING i would never marry...and im not talking about a guy....i just remember thinking i will never live with anyone...never have that sort of relationship....you see....when ur the black sheep in the family....phsyically your the joke of the family....when your own mum see's you like this its hard to believe that anyone else could honestly like u in any sense. When I was younger I wanted to please mum i wanted her to like me a lot....then not long after i started to lose weight...id come out....everything was out in the open....and i realised i cannot live my life to make anyone else happy....i needed to do what made me happy....and i did...guilt free. I think since mum passed away not that there is a sense of guilt...but that opportunity for her to see the real me...and honestly like me a a person without judgement....that is gone....and i wish she had lived to a much older age where I had had that chance.

But yanno its coming up to 2 years since she passed away....i need to let go of this stuff...i need to do everything i can to live the rest of my life the best I can.

In line with this...I need to stop saying i hate the gym...i think i do it...cos if i say i hate the gym....that im not athletic .... that its not the person i am...then if i suck at it im not losing any face.

I also noticed this week when I was planning my holiday....I was contemplating a cruise to the south pacific islands....I had the money....but the amount of time away from home (12 days) concerned me....the tehought of having to go thru getting a passport put me off...not knowing people on the boat put me off....i basically didnt want to step out of my comfort zone....i really need to get over that....there is more to life then the inside 4 walls of my home, but I need to go out and grab it...and step outside of my comfort zone. Its time to honestly focus on me again...treat my body and my mind kindly...and work towards a happy life :)