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Up at 6.15am this morning which is too bloody early in my opinion. Tomorrow Im not starting work till 9am so yep i get a bit of a sleep in...at least till 7.30am. Was going to go grocery shopping last nite but my pay wasnt in my account before i left work to go hom...walked in the door and the money was in my account...but by that point i was in a warm house and didnt desire to go out again. So I finish work at 4pm today and will then head out and do some.

All else is going good...just desperate for a nice sleep in. After reading Airlies post I think i will set the ww scales as my reward for losing 5 kilos...they are $100 but i think theyd be worth spending the money on.

2 days after today till Im on leave YAY...one WHOLE week off...and yesterday my friend laura messaged me so i am catching up with her and tracy on thursday for morning tea...so will monday, tuesday and wednesday i will have to save a couple of points each day so i can get a nice hot chocolate and some raisin toast.

Okies gotta get to do some actual work...have a good day all =]

Well another day ontrack. This morning i checked the scales and they were about 100 grams up but i got a sneaky suspicion its from the sodium in the weight watchers potato bakes...will have to check the ingredient list on them tonight. I am not eating them often...but its still good to know why the fluctuation (altho not obsessing lol)

Last night my suburb had a power outage...getting a bit over them to be honest...its the 5th one ive had since i moved into the premises in january major pain in the ass...specially when it happens at dinner time.

Im starting to seriously think about getting the ww kitchen scales...theyre expensive but thered be no cheating with my portions and would be a long term investment. Someone on the ww forum mentioned they had struggled then got them and realised how wrong their portion sizes were and since then have lost regularly.

My sister and the kids might be coming down to adelaide in september for the royal show...so have put in for some leave then so fingers crossed i get that. i also have a week off next week. The maintenance guys are suppose to be coming to do some retiling and fix the toilet...but i still havent heard from either...if i dont hear anything by tomorrow afternoon ill have to call the land agent back again

Not a lot else going on....shopping nite tonite...another 3 days and im on leave YaY...have a good day all

Well another good day so far...Yesterday I ended up with saving 3 points...which is pretty damn good since it was on my day off and i tend to pick on days off. Today I am going to try and eat spot on with my points...I dont really wanna save too many cos it doesnt really help the cause that much unless I am saving the points for a specific reason. I am definitely noticing the side effects from the metaformin...so diet coke can no longer be drank (thank gawd for pepsi). So far its only the diet coke that seems to be affecting me ... so that I can handle.

Everything else is going good...I feel pretty happy and relaxed about everything. Quite a relief with getting a loss yesterday and now its down to business for this week again...but i have no worries there.

Okies off to do some work =]

2.9 kilos babeeeeeeeeeee....

yep thats right !!! I really wasnt expecting that big a loss...I figured it would be around 1.5 kilos altho I was hoping to reach 2 kilos. So I am very very happy...I feel a sense of relief that yes I can lose weight...Im not too old this can be done. (for those yanks out there thats 6.38 pounds. The other exciting news is that the best weight watchers leader in SA (in my damn honest opinion) took the meeting today...shes great...shes my older leader very very motivating...i wish she took our meeting all the time.

Well I had been thinking yay me...no side effects from the metaformin...but im starting to get the side effects...but i know they will only last a few weeks. But I think the meds are helping I dont think i am having high and low sugar levels which is the idea of them.

Not a lot else has gone on today...Im djing tonite...and I think i mite even do my biggest loser beginners exercise dvd in a minute....have a good day all =]

Love days off...mmmm

Well today I am off and tomorrow and I am having a lovely relaxing day ! I have a load of laundry on....dishes are done and Ive tidied up. So now I am relaxing. Just watched dr phil and oprah is just starting now. Its been very nice, played in a couple of gammon tourneys....food wise..another spot on day so far...still have 13 1/2 points left and i have already had lunch.

Was reading the latest slimming & health magazine last nite and i noticed something interesting...all the makeovers stories....on their new menu plans....everyone of them was eating protein shakes. 2 of the ladies went to the same personal trainer so dunno if that was why....but was interested ....

Yesterday i had my bi-monthly one on one session and my team leader put on the report "karyn needs to make sure she looks after herself maximise her attendance" eek ! Wasnt said badly or anything but it certainly puts another light on the fact i HAVE to do this.

The new top i bought a few weeks ago I wore yesterday is a lil looser around my tummy...its not huge on me but certainly is a lil looser which is a good sign. I was reading something the other day that said when changing ur life so make one change every 3 weeks...so all ive done this week is focus on points...not on exercise...not on water...not on anything else...and thats gonna be the focus for another two weeks and then i am going to start to include a LIL exercise.

Okies off to watch oprah...enjoy all !

Don't quit...keep playing...

Saw this on the net today...thought it was cute and apt

"Don't quit . . keep playing."
The concert was about to begin, the mother returned to her seat and discovered her child was missing. Suddenly, the curtains parted and spotlights focused on the Steinway on stage. To her horror, the mother saw her little boy sitting at the keyboard, innocently picking out 'Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star.' At that moment, the great piano master made his entrance, moved to the piano, & whispered in the boy's ear, 'Don't quit.... keep playing.' Then, leaning over, he reached down with his left hand and began filling in a bass part. Soon his right arm reached around to the other side of the child, and he added a running obbligato. Together, the old master and the young novice transformed what could have been a frightening situation into a wonderfully creative experience. The audience was so mesmerized that they couldn't recall what else the great master played. So the next time you want to give up
Remember..."Don't quit . . keep playing."

Off to sleep...ni ni all

Well sunday morning 8.37am and i am at work. But it is our "friday" so its all good. Come 4pm i then have two days off. I havent had two days off together for about 3 weeks so am really looking forward to the time off.

Had another weirdo dream last night...dreamt i was pregnant (think we would call that the immaculate conception lol) anyway i was huge big big tummy didnt know when i was due so i asked a friend when i was due and she was like in 3 months...and then i had to move house while pregnant and i was moving on august 11 but i realised i didnt have any baby stuff so i rang my mum to buy me a nappy bucket, cot and pram at garage sales and mum said i cant ill be at streaky bay till sunday so wont be going to garage sales LOL - i did want it was a weird dream.

Last nite i was bored so went to bed at friggin 8.30pm...so i went to my bedroom with a magazine...switched the tv on...but it didnt come on...so i thought oh shit its dead (not that its a big drama i bought it from a garage sale and its worked for about 5 years at least lol) anyway so i read for a bit...then rolled over to fall asleep...and just falling asleep when the tv turned itself on and football came raring out...scared the crap out of me !

Tomorrow on my day off im planning to go thru my recipe books to figure out some recipes to make over the next few weeks. I am also planning to make some low fat muffins. So looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow morning...but ill prolly wake at some ungodly hour - blah.

Foodwise was spot on with 27 points again yesterday...so another good day. Sneaked a peak at the scales and i will definitely have a loss...so thats good news...not a huge loss...but still a loss.

Oh and remember the jeans that were bruising my stomach they were so tight? Well at work i was leaving them unbuttoned....now theyre still tight but yesterday they stayed buttoned up the entire day YAY

okies off i go...enjoy all

So since my big longggggggggggggggg post a few days ago i been thinking. I kept wondering why i still go into voodoo and chat...partly i do it cos occassionally i enjoy it. Was in their lastnight but was quite good was talking to someone ive known for many years whose from South Africa and we were discussing lesbian movies/books...anywaysssssssssssssss so after i left that post....I was really wondering why i still go in there...sure a percentage of it comes down to purely it is a habit but why else? And the only thing i can come too is i do it in case Ang messages me....can you even believe that could be the case? I mean its 4 friggin years or whatever...but then the more i think about it the more it makes sense. See me and Ang were friends for like 6 years before we got together...it truly was a great friendship...she had this great wisdom with people...i use to always tell her she was like a old soul in a young body...she had a real good understanding of how people think and so for that reason i often talked to her about problems or things going on...after we broke up a year or so later we lost the friendship and we have no contact at all anymore. I amde a few attempts but they were pretty futile...and so that does make me sad but maybe thats why i do it? Its not really the relationship i miss with her but the friendship. And I wonder if the impact with her rolls over to my life now...its very funny how my life is different post ang to pre ang...before Ang i had a numerous emotional relationships with people i met online...i enjoyed the company...the indepth chats we would have. Since then not only havent i got involved online (but that said its not only cos of this i want someone in real) but even when it comes to real...im the fussiest bitch as well...i am attracted to butch girls...my friend felicity doesnt even contemplate introducing me to anyone unless they are butch...and then the girls over the last few years that have been potential in real...well 90% have been to short...or they been from the wrong socio economic group or ... or.... or.... so is that me not settling for the first person who comes along or is that me just coming up with excuses not to get involved...which of course gets rid of the risk of being hurt or rejection...or is it i want a ANG NUMBER 2? and if they dont remind me of her im not interested? The reason I posted this today...was it had been on my mind...then i read Jaxxs journal this morning and she made a post that is along the lines altho different...and that was about self esteem and so reading that made me realise we allcop this in some way (well single girls i guess lol) then again...theres the aspect...if i stay fat...have the perfect excuse for never having another relationship...in someways i wonder if i just dunt want to severe those ties to ang even tho there are NO ties to her anymore...when i think back to the relationship i often think it was perfect....and in a lot of ways it was...especially when she was here...but the last few months it definitely wasnt...and there were quite obviously issues we both had...i need to let go...and if i meet someone or someone messages me in pink sofa actually give them a chance before deciding nope would never work. Beofre i decide theyre to slim, too pretty, too short, dont work enuff etc etc etc

Foodwise i been spot on...was exactly 27 points yesterday which was great. Ive really beeen finding it all fine. Im taking the view of avoiding rabbit food and eating foods i like but in a low fat way. Tonight I am going to make a low fat fried rice. Ive also bought lots of different low point snacks so i am getting plenty of variety which is good. Well okies nearly lunch time - time to go eat =]

Well...half the team is off work today or gone home early...they all seem to have some kind of virus which is giving them dizzy spells and nausea and several have been off work for a week with it...fingers crossed i dont get it. 2 More went home today with it.

Food wise been really good...its after lunch and i have a 11.5 points left...am having a ww meal for dinner tonite...and a muesli bar this afternoon and that will leave me with just a few points...so can have a couple of cookies tonite after dinner.

I did jump on my scales this morning and they seem to be heading in the right direction altho i dont know how reliable they are so will have to wait and see. Anyway not much else to write 3.5 hours of work then off home and having a early nite tonite - take care all

Well wasnt gonna post today but wanted to check a couple of journals i read each day and one in particular inspired. Jaxx i find you so inspiring and the way you reset your goals...its amazing to think we were a similar weight and now look at where you are !

Anyway today was my day off...1 day off in 9...UGH...so i didnt do a lot. I havent had 2 days off together for several weeks and i really feel like i need a couple of days together off. I have monday and tuesday off...and cannot wait. I have had a good day food wise...very impressed since it was a day off and that tends to be my bad times....but i was spot on 27 points....and yesterday had 1;5 points left over so that is good. I had a home made baked potato for dinner and tuna bake for dinner...all yum yum. I am trying to avoid having just salad sandwiches every day for lunch....instead my plan is to eat foods i like but in a low fat way.

My DVDs arrived today...so i now have lots of viewing...i got 3 series of L word, if these walls could talk 1 & 2 and season 1 of the ellen sitcom. So think my days off may involve some dvd watching along with house work LOL

Im still undecided about pink sofa...i prolly should just renew it for a year.

Okies its late time for some sleep...nite all

Well I went back ! And really am glad ..it was all quite painless (apart from stepping on the scales) and its all been relatively easy just sliding back into it today. The first few days are normally hard for me but todays been quite a breeze to be honest. I have 1.5 points left over for the day and think I will save them. yay me =]

I did ramble on a lot yesterday didnt i? Once I get going I can type forever and a day. Thanks for your support as always nat - and jody thanks for your comments...theyre too damn nice tho !!! LOL...just kidding...and omg imagine if we lived near each how cool would that be? and yep we would definitely laugh the pounds off.

There is not a lot else to say...just glad i had a good day today...and looking forward to another good day tomorrow !

Reclaiming my life

So...who am i? As most who read my journal or know me...im a thinker...when i was with ang would drive her nuts and She often told me I overthink things. But today and the last few days i really been wondering about a few things. You see in some ways I am all these different people...with family im actually relatively reserved...my mum remarried when i was in my teens and so that of course involves a step family...to me theyre not "my family" to me always my family will be my mum, my dad and my 2 sisters. My memories of my childhood dont revolve around the family life once mum met her now hubby. They are all "sydney" where i lived from 7 till i was nearly 15. That is the true definition of family to me...of course now...i have a brother in law who completely is family and 2 adorable nephews and a gorgeous niece. I adore the 3 of them, its interesting tho...boys are so different to girls, the boys are not so wanting cuddles etc they are all into their dvds and computer games where as my niece LOVES attention. She loves cuddles, and sitting on your lap or next to you reading a book...she also loves telling you to be quiet if you dare talk while dora is on LOL. Anyway i got sidetracked...when my mum met my stepdad i was 15 had just started at a new school...and within a year or so met a great bunch of friends. I never really embraced family life with the stepfamily...cos for one i was 15 by then...getting independant...then i met this group of friends and they were like a second family. We were all quite innocent...no drugs really (well the occassional person smoked marijuana but never me and i never viewed that as evil) about the most dangerous thing we ever did was go meet sailors down at port adelaide (and yes i did go down with them and even snagged myself a sailor one time but thats a story for another day LOL) so anyway cos of this i never knew the "stepfamily" really well so i am reserved in that sense. I hid that i was gay for so long that in some ways i was another person to them...and that still applies to a degree ... my mum doesnt like hearing about girls etc...so in some ways theres this huge segment of my life she knows nothing about. At work im another person...who am i? Prolly the place i am the truest...i have 2 great friends there....Joe and Ryan...(who i call josephine and deidre) they are both gay...and cos we are all gay we just have complete acceptance of each other. Our friends in the team all accept the fact were gay too ... my friend jamie (a female) will often say when a break is coming up "lesbian chat today?" so we head off outside and do a bit of girl talk...occassionally we drag one or two of the boys along. At work im sassy, smart mouth, sarcastic, happy, jokester...im just a real happy say what i think person. I think sometimes they wish I just shut up at work...but its outlet specially as i live alone...i get there and sometimes its just blah blah blah. Then there is online...which there are various places i venture online...theres the ww forum...which i guess is a place where my vulnerabilities are laid...my profile shows my weight...theres been numerous posts over the years...about not losing...about airplane seats not fitting...about how miserable my life is as a "fat girl"...i know one or two people there but im not in the "clique" and thats fine...while ive met some great people there...its not really my thing...then there are 3 chat programs...firstly theres halsoft...which is where i play gammon...i have a group of friends on there whove always known im a lesbian...ive got a great friend kel there whose a aussie...who i call my lovah gurl...shes into graphics too and likes lame music like me and thats what our friendship is based on. Ive known her for years...and we might not talk for months then we do and its all back to how it was...halsoft to me is not a addiction...its fun...gammon keeps me away from the fridge...i get to dj thru there...all is pretty good. Then there is voodoo..."gawd at voodoo !!!" this place is a addiction and to be honest i dont really understand why...there are some people in there ive known for 8-10 years...one dear friend (yes you jody i know ur reading this) who if the world of voodoo was cut off shes the only one i would NEED to keep in touch with...and well she barely chats...and most of our contact is via msn or via email. So i go in there...and chat in this room...well actually as has been mentioned to me several times this week...i dont chat so much...i seem to observe...its a strange room with a real motley lot...theres some real nice people in it...then there are some guys who like assertaining that they are females and refer to themselves as shemales...theres guys pretending to be bi/lesbian women...and occassionally theres someone genuine...so why do i go there? in some ways i dont friggin know...i mean i live by myself...so its company...its in this program i met my big love (which ended rather dismally i must admit LOL)...a lot of the time my "avatar" is in the room but im in my browser...reading ww forums, doing graphics, reading news.com.au or reading blogs...so why go in there? I know part of it is cos i live alone and it is company...another part is when i do manage to get close to someone in there i enjoy the companionship and emotional closeness...but its like anything online it has that level of bitchiness and drama...what do I REALLY get out of it? I end up wasting a lot of time...getting the odd level of drama...occassionally a bit of ego boost when other chats might message me and say they like me etc...but it does nothing to REALLY enhance my real life. The other chat program is pink sofa...i wish i could integrate myself more in here...yanno ive met a couple of girls from there in real life...and those occassions didnt go great...while i have made some friends in there...im not part of the clique...and maybe also the fact that its a lil more threatening n daunting...the girls im msot likely to meet are here in adelaide or neighbouring states...n i guess thats daunting and scary cos i always look at their profiles and think nuh theyre too skinny it wouldnt work out or theyre too pretty it wouldnt work...i really dont take any chances. My susscription for pink sofa is up...today it expired actually ... part of me thinks...go buy a year subscription...and focus 110% for 12 months on getting the life i want...reclaiming it back......im going back to ww tomorrow morning but its not just about weight loss...its about getting me back...sure i can be happy as a fat chick...but am i truly happy and am i reaching my full potential of happiness? If i compare being in a wonderful relationship with a woman...where life is good and i ahve a social life with dinner dates and movies etc or being fat, sluggish, too tired to do anything to productive...sticking stuck in a cyber world with my KFC deep down i know which will make me happier...it wont be the easier option but it is the option i need to dedicate myself too...i think i need to get rid of those chat programs...rejoin pink sofa...update my profile and go in the chat room and the social functions and get my eating and healthy lifestyle COMPLETELY on track...i know i can do it...and tomorrow is day 1 of reclaiming my life...

Well gawd I swear I did a post yesterday but its nowhere to be seen and not even as a draft so the poltergeists musta stolen it...lets hope this one goes thru.

Its 8.19am on a sunday morning and I am at work,,,ot so bad,....i finish at 4.30pm today and then dont work till 2pm tomorrow which wooo hooo means a sleep in. Altho Ill prolly wake with the birds LOL As I am working tomorrow evening I cant go to ww till tuesday morning...but that kinda works better...its the same leader but the group is smaller...the monday night meeting here is SO busy .. its horrid LOL

Went to target the other day and they had series, 1,2 and 3 of L word !! OMG was so excited...and they were on special...reduced form $69.99 to $46.99 so I grabbed all 3. I also bought on ebay if these walls could talk 1 & 2, and series one of the ellen sitcom so over the next few weeks or so ill get a few deliveries. I also bought the book "butch stone blues" and when i bought it i also bought my niece a couple of books ... anyone remember "a duck named ping" im so excited to give her that book. I also bought the beginners biggest loser workout dvd which is suppose to below impact so that should help me out too as i get refocused

Was asked to goout with some girls from pink sofa friday nite...to see the band redhead and then to the ed but i gotta be at work at 8am on saturday morning so need to skip it =[

I feel good today...i feel "free" ive had some worries the past few weeks...firstly i was stressed over the inspection and then thursday i had a run in with someone at work...but spoke to my manager about it yesterday (other person spoke to me completely inappropriately) and i feel much better now. so feels like a real weight has lifted off me.

Tongiht or tomorrow morning i am gonna make up some pita bread pizzas to freeze

Oh I got my puter settings right too so i am doing my graphics again which is great...such a good creative outlet

Okies off i go to start my work day - enjoy all :)

So its pay day today...not really...pay dya "officially" is friday for us...but mines normally in my bank account by about 3.30pm on thursday. Today is a special payday tho as its our BONUS pay packet...nice big one ! I hope its in by 5pm as i would like to go do the grocery shopping after work tonite...but ive got a sneaky suspicion it may not be thru till about 1am. Whilst getting the place organised for the inspection realised there are some things i need ... so tomorrow gonna buy toilet mats for both toilets...bath mat...door mats for the back and front door...a BLOODY electric blanket as im very cold at night and of course...most likely the WII. I was perusing ebay last nite and they have series one and series four of ellens sitcom tv show on there so mite purchase them and i also wanna buy the book "butch stone blues".

Ive also been looking at some digital scrapbooking sites...im kinda good with computer graphics programs and they look rather kewl...only thing is when i do fonts on my computer with vista they come out blurry even tho all my settings are correct...mite sit down and play around with the fonts tomorrow at some point and see if i can work it out...that or maybe i need to upgrade my graphics program. Im using psp 7 LOL which has been around a trillion years....so maybe i should bite the bullet and get psp 10. ooo well just got a email that the book i want which has been sitting in the shopping cart at this book site for a week or so if i purchase today will get $10.00 off it so think theres the incentive to buy it !

I think with this cooler weather too i mite pull out the ole cross stitch. Im getting kinda blah about sitting in front of a computer and wanting to do other things lately...so going back to ww on monday i will be cooking more...but mum gave me a while ago a gorgeous cross stitch of these teddy bear....so think i mite pull it out and get started on it...i have so many hanging hooks in my place would be a nice one to do...would also like to do a kitchen type one for in the kitchen too...mite have to go on to ebay to check that out lol...okies off i go people (i am suppose to be at work after all !) LOL

Well the inspection is over ! YaY she was very impressed....wrote me a note (when i wasnt looking) that said the unit looks fantastic and she said as she was leaving everything is perfect. She admired my photos of my nephews lol...and now a few things will get fixed...the bottom floor toilets has a leak so they will fix that and they are also gonna reseal the tiling in the upstairs bedroom...and they are also gonna send out a guy to do a maintenance on the a/c. I swear to god u turn the a/c on and it sounds like a airplane is taking off...so thats all good ! YaY

Okies this is bad...remember i said my size 26 jeans are skin tight? Well...i looked in the mirror today ( not something i do often) and i noticed all across my stomach i have yellow bruising....now when i say the jeans are skin tight...around my waist they really are (to the point at work i undo the button - eep !) so yes something has to change...last night when i came home...there was a promo from ww in my letter box..to join and get a free book...so done deal (not that i was debating...but now a additional incentive for that first meeting)

Im really over the ww forums...i dont even wanna go to them anymore seeing the religious content thats been there lately...maybe its me....but...its not what i wanna see there. Anyway i wont get on my soapbox...less said the better i think

Enjoy ue day all

wow posting 2 days in a row =] Working today and earning double time and a half...gotta love public holidays...and its been relatively quiet which is nice. I finish at 4.30pm then gotta head home and do some more cleaning...just gonna do a clean of the kitchen...mop the floors and the clean the oven...as well as dust the lounge room and vacumm it...that will have the bottom floor all ready for the inspection. Then tomorrow night...clean the bedroom...and the bathroom and vac and THEN only thing left is to sweep under the carport and the lil backyard courtyard...easy peasy...all done.

Im rethinking the wii...im still planning to get it but maybe not straight away...i really need a new sofa...mine i got second hand...its all grubby and ive had it 5 years now so really thinking its outlived its "secondhandness" i also wanna buy a pantry cupboard for the kitchen....and i figured i can always put the wii on layby...im so worried it would be fun for a week and then id lose interest and they are so damn expensive...so will wait and see.

Had a ww meal for lunch today...so slowly starting to make some good choices....altho next monday night is D nite. Whilst i plan to committ 110% to ww from next monday i dunno if i will get all back into the forums. I still visit daily...but theyve turned very dramatique and whilst im sure they will die down...i cant imagine its that helpful to me...i dont often post on the going under 150 thread as a lot of the chit chat is about kids and of course i have none. I popped into the going under 80's thread and whilst i dont "belong" there they seemed more in tune with me as i didnt see much "kid chat" nothing wrong with kid chat of course...but not something i can really relate too.

Okies off i go for some work...

Superstrange dream last nite...i dreamt i was out "somwhere" i was wearing shorts...and my legs were not shaved LOL anyway this chick threw boiling water over the back of one of my legs...and i was left with this huge red mark which then started to scar and scab...then me and whoever i was with were sitting on these outdoor chairs and this woman comes by...she was gorgeous...black hair...vamp looking and she was saying she is the matrix and she drives people home and i was saying oi yay im gettin her to drive me home

OMG so weirdddddddddddddddd does anyone decipher dreams??? wouldnt mind knowing what that crazy ramble all meant.

Tomorrow is a holiday here...im working....double time and a half - go me ! then the monday after im off to join ww....i so need to get back...right now im hating how ive let things go...not only have i been sick twice in two months....i feel heavy...its becoming a effort to lug me around...my clothes are too tight...my jeans are even too tight directly above my knees...ive got rashes...i generally feel crap and remember WHY i joined ww in the first place. This weekend i started eating better...altho not thinking about points...just eating foods with vitamins etc in them. Tonight i am plannng to have a nice bowl of spaghetti bolognaise.

The inspection of my unit is wednesday and everythings pretty organised just gotta do a few last things and clean my bedroom (which ill do tonight while watching big brother...will prolly take me all of 10 minutes LOL) Im glad tho everything is organised thats really helpful with ww if u ask me...and since i moved in this is prolly the first time things been organised.

I think i need to put a R rating on my journal....someone on the ww commented they went to someones journal and it was obscene...thought mmmmm thats gotta be mine ! lol os if u r of a frail mind...dont read it...im tired of corrupting people lol

Okies off i go...have a good weekend all

Okay before i write anything i gotta thank all for the posts that were left and emails i recieved following my last post. As I told you jody u gawd damn made me cry...altho u were pretty spot on...

well damn im sick. All my sinus's are blocked and my head feels like its going to explode. Anyway so i go to the doc...its a doc i aint seen before and he zeros in on the fact i have PCOS...starts asking me if ive ever had kids...or wanted kids....anyway...in a very tactful way he starts telling me first that i need to get back on to metaformin and that by not taking it im increasing my chance of getting diabetes. Then he says "your BMI needs attending too" --- thats a nice way of saying u need to lose weight LOL. Anyway it was a fairly intense discussion with even lap band surgery bein bought up....he has told me i have to give ww a real go...i need to committ a full 12 months of exercising and following ww and taking metaformin, and if after that if i have not lost weight i need to seriously consider the surgery. Ive never been a fan of the surgery...but what he said made sense....he didnt sit there and go...oh lets do it tomorrow...his big emphasis was on the metaformin but its made me realise this really isnt a choice...and as the doc said for me its not even about looking good anymore,,,it is truly about adding years to my life.

So monday week i will be back at weight watchers. (this coming week is a holiday here) and i am determined to focus on it 110% i also need to reclaim my life and get that life i want

The party saturday was really good. Was great seeing everyone altho i was a bit stunned by how aged one or two looked, makes me realise im not aging too bad at all. Anyway the group of us did have a photo taken and i will post it once i get a copy of it. Oh and had my hair done ! Looks so different is a very dark brown...a caramel colour with just the odd strand of goldish colour...looks very different and taking a bit to get use to. Its also layered a lot more but i really like it.

Back to work friday hopefully this damn sinus will be gone then ! okies off i go need some more sleep....

So I was reading jaxxs journal today and she left quite a heartfelt post when reading it could see its a time which if i was in her shoes could make me to give up losing weight if i was doing well. So then i got thinking...why when id done so well for 6 months...did i falter and give up? Why after months of striving to lose weight...and being happy did i suddenly give it up? why did i falter? i mean i didnt falter for a week or two...its grown into 12 months of inconsistency and not following thru with the plan...ive constantly used joining the gym as thats where everything went pear shaped...but was it really that? Or something else...part of it i think...has to do with my self confidence. Yanno...if i cant meet a partner at size 26...well ok...that works....thats completely logical in my brain...i havent met a partner cos im fat...ok thats nice we can parcel that away in a lil box which makes sense. But what if i got down to size 16 and unable to meet a partner or worse a size 10 or 12...what does that say about me? Is it that im ugly? is it cos i got a suck ass personality? or is it just the luck of the draw? Ive made no secret that finding a partner was a huge motivational factor for me...im tired of living alone and being alone...while i dont need someone...it would make me so much happier to have someone to share it with...the more i think it...the more i thinkits easier to cope with not having a partner while fat...ive got the perfect excuse for being single. Does that make sense? I truly am babbling lol...and its a huge factor....that chick i saw last weekend at the dance that i thought was cute...if i was a size 16 i wouda approached her....but at this size i feel like if i do that th person would basically laugh in my face. Yanno then i think...but I snagged ang...so i must have something going for me right? or is that cos i got to know her online for so many years that i coulda looked like a witch by the time we met she woulda still loved me...then again i dated mel...and she liked me...and told me us not continuing was not cos of my size...and i remember her telling me i had a cute smile...but still...she wanted out...and i know its only one person....but sill makes me wonder i know...i realise tho getting back to weight loss...i cant not keep going...i need to...apart from the fact i need to too prolong my life...my chance at truly meeting someone will be impacted by my size and how i feel about myself. I just have to get this in my head..and understand that the more weight i lose...the more my chances of meeting someone will increase...altho its not a guarantee...

Got the party tomorrow nite...getting rather nervous...most dont know im gay and im dreading the "do you have a boyfriend kazz" questions...dont really wanna be telling people im gay while at my friends party. Okies enuff off for some dinner !

16th june !!! write that date down...cos im going back to ww on that date...if i dont im gonna end up putting all the weight back on and i so dont want that. I went shopping today and had to buy size 26 ! Like holy crap...thats just pathetic...and the crazy thing is i dont even enjoy eating the crap food (well except for salt & pepper chicken which i discovered recently) but yanno its blah...and im noticing things like im thirsty all the time...ive had 3 damn migraines in the last 2 weeks...and i feel sluggish so another couple of weeks i think i will have this completely out of my system. i miss that good healthy feeling. plus im gonna buy the nintendo wii so hopefully i will exercise and enjoy it. So today i bought 2 pairs of jeans...a top in size 24 which is too small (ugh) so need to swap that over for a size 26...a new bra...some boots...necklace...bracelet...and socks. I am really looking forward to the party saturday night...hopefully some photos will get taken...and i can post them next week (like the damn lesbian i am i dont take a handbag when i go out so nowhere to carry a camera LOL)

Found out today we got new staff on monday and one of the newbies...ill be taking under my wing...this is the second time ive got to do this...i like doing coaching and this kinda stuff so thats great. Saturday arvo i am getting my hair done...getting rid of the blonde streaks and gonna get it layered more...fingers crossed it ends up looking good.

Okies another early morning tomorrow (damn these 7.30am starts) so off i go...ni ni all =]

Well i have had another migraine ugh. I think its from the computer screens at work...the doctor thinks so too...thankfully on the weekend we are getting new flat screens at work which should resolve the issue.

I am starting to get the desire back to get on track...im gonna wait another 2 weeks then give it some serious thought. I have decided tho to cancel my gym membership...when i think back my weight loss was better when i was doing exercise at home. But on that note with my bonus which i get on the 12th june i am going to buy a nintendo wii ! I know theyre expensive but...they are fun and could get me off my butt and enjoying myself. I got a email tonight to say my $300 coles myer voucher arrived at work today too ! So will get it tomorrow and will buy some new clothes with it and this weekend i am going to get my hair recoloured...im gonna go to like a caramel colour...im tired of having it blonded all the time. Im gonna get it layered a lot more too. Hopefully will look nice.

In the lesbian world...theres labelling which i guess happens everwhere...the main labels are butch and femme...altho there are others like dyke, queer etc Anyways Ive always thought i fell SLIGHTLY to the femme side...not overly cos im not overly gurly anyway i did this buch/femme test and this was the result:

Your score placed you in the category of Soft Androgyne. This is the "steel magnolia" type. You may also wish to review Strong Femme and Androgyne, the two categories surrounding you. In a ranking across the femme/butch gamut, if 1 is femme and 100 is butch, you fall between 41 and 47 on the scale. For a review of where you fall in the overall population in numbers, refer to this chart. Your group is a large part of the 35-45 age group for the most part and has a wide mix of genders and orientations.

For most of your life and social interaction, you don't really see yourself as either butch or femme, but if pressed into a corner, you react more femme than butch. You prefer to seek aid rather than solve your problems on your own, and prefer to give aid rather than to encourage someone to stand on their own feet. You're fairly well balanced over all, with the occasional weakness you haven't quite yet conquered.

Education is important to you, as you see knowledge as a key to independence and freedom, and you tend to have a higher educational level than your peers, either formally or by self-teaching. You read a lot, and a varied assortment of genres, enjoying cartoons as much as heavy psych drama. Biography, however, bores you. You like historical anecdotes but are not very good at memorizing dates, having a more general sense of time.

Your home is a roof for you and not a showplace. Order is optional. You cook if you have to and are efficient at it but really don't like to bother. You prefer to be fed. You like small dogs or big cats and the occasional hamster.

You enjoy a fairly strong butch for a partner, along the lines of a Feminist or Classic Butch, and take on other Androgynes as friends. Family is not terribly important to you, and odds are good you came from a home where that was not the primary issue. You may have a good, but distant relation with your family, or may not be in touch at all, but it's pretty certain you don't live with them unless you have to, or in the same city.

I tell you this is such a good description of me (well except for the part about biographies boring me...i actually enjoy em) I always thought thats where i fall in the whole stream of it. Was rather interesting even if it was just some fun lol

OKies off i go !

Oh what a nite !

Well i sat down last to write a post but got distracted with dinner and big brother LOL. Had a great weekend...went to the golden dance...had a blast...was this chick there sexii as hell...so perved her most of the night but being the chicken chit i am i didnt go over and say hi *blah* but danced had a few drinks was a really great nite (altho i did have a lil hangover yesterday morning LOL)

This coming weekend I have a 40th to go to saturday nite...and think im gonna get my hair down and have it recoloured a caramel colour...bit over the blonde streaks as my hair grows so fast the roots come thru so quickly. Anyway saturday nite is a friend I went to schools 40th most of our friends are going but i have not seen most for 5-10 years....so going to be a very interesting night. Its a 80's themed party so i plan just dancing the whole nite lol

This morning i started work at 7.30am which meant i needed to set my alarm for 5.45am...what did this dork do? yep u better believe it...set it for 6.45am..got up wandered around the house for a few minutes then thought i shit im suppose to be at work in 40 minutes....so ended up being a huge rush and having to catch a taxi to work

Thanks for all the comments about me taking a break from WW...i expected to get lots of "are you insane? get back on the ww horse today!" but im already starting to think about losing weight ... im not gonna rush it...im gonna make sure im totally in the right head space before i get back into it but i suspect by late june i will be in the right place. And thanks nicole for your message that was sweet of you :)

Well this is a post I really debated over whether to post or not...i am over weightloss...completely completely over it...im tired of counting points, scales, worrying about whether ive had a loss or not..stressing over if i havent loss then why not. Im also tired of all the money ive spent on it over the last 2 years. I mean I am really glad and proud I lost the initial 34 kilos...but right now im done...i need a break from it all...and i know most people are thinking well thats it shes gonna put all her weight back on...hopefully i wont but im also making no headway with the way things are at the moment. Initially I thought just dont post...end of story. But Ive decided to keep the journal going and hopefully in time something will click and i will get my head in the right place to lose the weight. So i will keep posting but it will be very minimal if any weight loss talk.

Ok other stuff...was in a slight bingle last nite...was in a taxi and the taxi driver hit a cyclist...wasnt pleasant but the cyclist didnt appear too injured and the taxi driver took him to hospital so would presume all is ok.

Looking forward to the golden dance...meeting twinkz there and theres another 4 girls we know who will be there as well and this morning i had a message on the sofa from a girl who asked if I minded if she comes across and says hi...to which of course i said ... of course come on over ! LOL gawd what a tart i can be.

Im really dying for this weekend...this week just has seemed sooooooooooooo long and i am really over it and really need a couple of days away and some goddamn sleep ins ! I am hanging out for saturday morning for a good long sleep in.

Okies not a lot else going on...enjoy all =]

Wow 2 days running updating the journal...amazing. Last nite i wasnt so good...i crumbled and had kfc...but thats it...no more unless it fits in to my points...my only aim right now is to get thru today and stick to the points.

Last nite went into the pink sofa and spoke to a couple of girls who i was suppose to meet up with the same nite i went out to the grange hotel. Anyway M the chick i met up with for coffee met them....so they asked me how did it go with u and M ... i was like shes a nice enough gal but there was no chemistry...well their impression was she was weird...apparantly one of the girls she kept probing her on her sex life and she kept staring at anohter girl...all very weird ... so glad I gave her a wide bypass.

Had my 12 month report for work done...was a good result altho I thought I deserved a slightly higher mark...but cant complain...i will still get enough to pay off most or all of the tax bill

Okies off I go...

Well im a goddamn slack ass eh? But I rejoined ww online today. I was debating over doing it online vs meetings...but when i looked at the success of jaxx and nat who dont go to meetings i thought bugger it i can do it without meetings too. So im trying not too put too much pressure on myself...just focus on staying within my points this week...hopefully that will lead to a nice healthy loss...and that I can then build on it. Finally got my new mobile...o0o its flash its a nokia 6500...very nice...but i didnt have numbers saved to the sim card so have lost a lot of phone numbers...oh well.

Came into work today and I had been nominated for a spot award...so won some more wishlist points...got 10000 points last week too..(which have converted to a $300 myer voucher which should get in the next week or two) Then i can go shopping and buy some new clothes...im desperate for some new bras...and some new clothes would be nice. This weekend i have to wash and pack up the clothes that no longer fit that I am giving to tracy as well.

Bought some marinated yiros chicken at the butchers last week. So will cook them up tonight...and then have a home made yiros with some oven fries for dinner. Should be a lot less points then getting one from a take away store plus no garlic sauce.

This weekend is the golden dance and me and felicity are going...havent been to one in ages so should be a lot of fun.

Well enough for today,,,promise i will update more regularly...im off to play with my new phone LOL

So I have been missing in action and the truth of the matter i spat it this week with the whole weight loss thing and at myself to be honest. The scales went up a lil this week (now in my rationale mind i know its prolly fluid...mostly cos TTOM is due but also my left foot has a tight feeling so im pretty sure im retaining) but after the last month with my attempts at the gym i just spat it. Was sick of the scales...was sick of feeling the obligation of going to the gym and the diet and everything remotely healthy has flown out the window. So i am now debating...ive come to the conclusion the fernwod diet is not aimed at someone with 70 kilos to lose nor do they have the answers for someone with 70 kilos to lose. So i am going to go back to what I know what works and what my intuition tells me is the right thing to do and thats ww. Now its just a case of deciding whether to attempt to do it online or whether to attend meetings.We have a new roster at work coming in from june 1 which would mean 2 out of 6 weeks i could not attend a monday night meeting...but those weeks i could attend a tuesday morning meeting...part of me is thinking....give it a go online for a week and see how i go...if all goes to plan...then keep at it online (as it is cheaper that way) until it doesnt work then attend the meetings...another part of me knows i need the accountability of the meetings...so decisions decisions. I wont lie this week i have changed my mind daily on how i should tackle this...everything from have a break from scales nd everything that goes along with it...to celebrity slim....to biggest loser club...to lite n easy. The bad thing is too...i simply didnt turn up for my appointments at the gym this week...they tried contacting me...but i didnt answer the phone (on purpose lol) honestly...i think i need to simply get some losses on the board...and get my confidence back in regards to that...cos after this last month i have started to doubt if i can do this....maybe now im 40 my metabolism is too stuffed up...but realistically i know i can do this but i think i need to keep it simple and introduce things slowly. So firstly i will simply get back on to ww follow the points...then once i have gained some losses...i will introduce some exercising. Not walking cos i just think my feet arent cut out for it....prolly get some dvds (like the biggest loser beginners one) and just do that....and also my walk away the pounds...just do it simple like i did 18 months ago when it all worked fo me. In time i will go back to the gym but i wanna introduce it slowly cos right at the moment the thought of going to the gym repulses me. So not giving up...more going with my intuition.

Friday we had our "ignite roadshow" for work...so basically everyone was off the phone by 12.45 pm and we headed down to west beach shores to this function room where basically there was like a 45 minute speach...then they let us run free...they had a room with "3 minute angels" who were giving massages, another room which had about 10 consoles set up (and i had no idea what i was doing with them ! lol) and then there was food and drinks for free. Then after that we went to the grange hotel for dinner...OMG yummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm i had rigatoni with chicken, ricotta, spinach, and sun dried tomato...was the yummiest pasta meal i have had in so long.

And I have a few nites out coming up..on the 24th is the next golden dance and me and felicity are going...and on the 31st is tracys 40th...tracy and i went to school together...and lots of people went to school with will be going so should be very very interesting nite LOL

Okies...off i go

A few revelations...

Well the last few days have been a few revelations...so lets see...firstly my puter has been a bitch lately...so friday nite i thought ill reformat it and clean it up...well reformatted it and it wouldnt install java...then wouldnt install all the updates...so by saturday morning I had had enuff and was at the puter store getting a new one...to organise everything and for them then to say...oh we dont have it in stock...do u wanna pick it up from another store? So off into the city i go to grab it. Anyway I get it home and its gorgeousssssssssssssssssssssss its a laptop...for all the geeks its got a 18 inch screen...3GB ram...320 GB hard drive, vista (obviously). finger print ID, 5.1 surround sound, tv tuner, high definition resolution screen, the screen is absolutely stunning to look at. I truly have a crush on it ! Cant wait to get a few L word episodes to watch on it LOL it also came with a voip phone and a remote control ! omg how techie am i????

So then yesterday afternoon i headed off for the "date"...which has really got me thinking...she was a nice gal...said a few things which i found weird and bottom line i just didnt feel there was chemistry there. Then I started thinking about stuff...I think a huge thing about it and my weight loss journey the goal was to get a gf...and I am not saying I dont want a gf...but there is prolly a relatively good chance I will be single...now I dont say that in a bad or megative or victim way...but what I realise by thinking that is yes ok that maybe the case but thats still no reason not to have a wow of a time. The focus needs to be really on enjoying life as it is...and to be honest right now id prefer to be single...and id prefer to just concentrate on making friends and getting healthy. Really what I want is company to go out to movies, dinner, the occassional pub night etc...Im not a huge person for the "scene" i really am a homebody...so the focus is no longer on getting a relationship but the focus is on building my social life and my happiness by getting healthy...dunno if that all makes sense...think it made a lot more sense in my head LOL

Off to the gym in the morning ... i been slack about it later....i get scared of falling off the treadmill...i really have to concentrate and have had some near misses so that puts me off...i prefer going when theres not many there. Id also like to do some classes but dunno if i would cope with them.

Well off to watch big brother...enjoy...............................

Went to see jenna my dietician today and the good news was my trainer teri had already spoken to her. Jenna had worked out my BMR is 12000kj and i was only having 5000 kj so they have put me on to their highest plan which is 7300 kj. It was good knowing teri had spoken to her cos i realise im not their only client but makes me feel like more then a number. Today i work 1pm-9pm then i am on leave for 10 days. Tomorrows a busy day...off to the gym in the morning...then off to do grocery shopping and eyebrows be waxed followed by a hair appointment at 1.45pm. Will have to set the recorder to tape TBL tonight. Okies just a quick one as busy busy...gotta go get dinner organised for work tonite...have a good day all :)

Well after feeling completely miserable yesterday about the weight loss am feeling somewhat better today. Had a appointment with my PT trainer this morning and when the alarm went off at 7.15am I so didnt want to get out of bed. Anyway i begrudgingly went...in the rain...buses going past all completely full..only just made it in time...anyway i then whinged to my trainer (lol she must think im such a delight) but anyway same thing i whinged about last week...i am fluctuating between 145 and 147 kilos. i told her i dont think its enough calories for me and she agreed that it may not be, and for me to discuss it with jenna my dietician tomorrow. She also said to me yanno you committed on paper to the gym so why dont u committ to me and jenna for 3 months and then if things arent working we will relook at it? So ive told her i will..hopefully jenna says that yeh i should try the 1500 calorie diet as well to see if it makes a difference.

So my date with M is set for 2pm on saturday afternoon, just meeting for coffee at one of my fave haunts in north adelaide - fellinis. So friday I have a appointment for my hair to be done, i will also pop on and get my eyebrows waxed as well and we will see how it all goes. We have been talking quite a bit online this week and we get on real well she has a wicked sense of humour...so no matter what im sure ill gain a friend.

Not a lot else going on...just gotta work today and tomorrow nite and then 10 days off - thank gawd !!! Off i go..

Well thanks for everyones comments and emails. Don't worry Im not giving up...foodwise I didnt have a great weekend with food...wasnt terrible but could have been better. I think once i get of working evening i will be a lot better. SO just 4 more days and then things will be much better. I worked till 11pm last nite and start work at 1pm today. Tonite Ill hopefully be in bed by 11pm and so can get to the gym before work. In regards to yesterdays post what I have decided is to eat more protein. I really do believe 1200 calories is not enough for someone of my weight. Im not gonna cut back anymore on my carbs as I have already reduced them heaps...when I lost my 26 kilos I was eating a lot more pasta and also white pasta/bread...now im eating good carbs...and they do recommend 5 carb servings a day which is what I am having...but i mite not have the carb in my morning snack and either add that to breakfast i have it with my dinner...so dont worry not giving up or anything like that....derailed for a few days....but todays a new day lol. Im also not gonna weigh myself till June 1...Im gonna ask jenna not to tell me my weight either,,,,will try this tactic and see how i go.

Gawd just started bucketing down...hope it stops within the next hour or so..not looking forward to going and catching the bus in the rain. Not too much else going on...have a good day all ! =]

Well im having a dilema. So ive been following fernwoods eating plan...its 1200 calories a day. Now i did it last year and seemed to lose weight. Doing it this time i dont seem to be,,,instead i am having fluctuations of up to 2 kilos. Now I remember my body when doing curves i only lost 700 grams in a 8 week period and the minute i stopped going to curves i went back to losing weight again. I cant get past it the scales are messing with my mind. Yesterday I was off track had a chocolate bar and about 7 hot chips. Now im wondering if the fernwood plan is too restrictive for my weight. If i was doing ww id be on 26 points...im gonna put a typical plan of food on the fernwood plan here in a minute and id be interested in feedback ive done a addup in my head and think its only around 20-22 points. So im wondering if i should try a few weeks on the ww plan...still attend the fernwood dietician and use that as my weigh ins but follow ww, i checked online and if i calculated right the BMR to stay at this weight is 3000 calories...i mean otherwise surely at this weight i should be losing? I understand maybe not losing big amounts but putting on weight doesnt make sense to me and its doing in my head...my only other thought is to go to the doctors and see what they think...okies heres a average day plan

Breakfast:
slice of multigrain bread
banana
glass of milk or yoghurt

Snack:
slice of multigrain bread with small amount of peanut butter

Lunch

2 slices of multigrain bread
30 grams of ham
salad
banana

Snack:
yoghurt

Dinner
1/3 cup uncooked pasta
60 grams of meat
vegetables

Okies would love some feedback ! The other thing is its pretty tight not much i can change and theres no allowance for treats...even like this fortnight working nites i cant have frozen dinners which would have made life so much easier !

Do I have news????

hmmmmmmm do i have news? do i? huh huh??? lemme think and ponder this a moment .... oh wait i think i do have some...now what the hell is it? Oh wait maybe its the fact i have a bit of a blinde date lined up for next weekend ! Well not really blind...ive seen her photo,,,shes seen mine...and so she asked me this morning if we can meet up...shes from the pink sofa and we have talked a lil for a few weeks..then last nite we talked for quite a while and discoverred we have a lot in common (we both like really bad music like the carpenters lol) so she then asked me if i would go out and meet her for a coffee and then when i said yes in the chat room goes "i got a date !" LOL was quite funny cos theres another chick in there from sydney still in her 20's whose been trying to chat me up and i kept telling her ... one your too young and two your too far away and she was there when this all happened...she said you must be good M cos kazz is a hard nut to crack lol. So i wont talk about it too much but i know if i wasnt back at the gym and eating healthy i just wouldnt have the confidence to do this. The bonus is she lives in the suburb next to me...and is 2 years older...so all quite good.

So she initially wanted to meet for coffee tomorrow morning but that was a bit too soon for me lol...so friday i will get my hair roots done...get it all blow dried nice and my eye brows waxed and mite go buy a new top too and we will see what the weekend holds ;)

Weight wise...the scales went up and i was pissed and yesterday over ate a lil (just on bread) but i kinda think it is working so will just persevere and not weigh myself for a few weeks. Okies off to do some work !

Well another early morning...the alarm went off way tooo early again...got up tho jumped on the scales and they had gone up ANOTHER 400 grams ffs i was a grizzlie lil bitch. Anyway i got dressed took my gym bag thought ill weigh in but no exercise today. But alas i walked in and there was my trainer on the front desk ... she knew i was weighing and said "gonna work out too?" i said i think so...and well the look said it all LOL so i went and saw my slim coach jenna...the scales had gone up...but she wasnt concerned. She was really impressed with my eating and i told her how teri got me now to up the grade on the treadmill and she seemed to think that was all good...she said dont focus on the scales focus on the fact your eating healthy and being active. Which made me feel a lot better. Truth be known my jeans are a lil looser around my hips and my skin is looking better so its all good. So i then went and got on that treadmill...had the speed at 4 and grading at 5 i was getting a good heart rate...then in the last 10 minutes...i leaned forward (didnt lean on the arm rests tho) was doing shorter steps on the balls of me feet...similar to a jog...dunno if id call it a jog but my heart rate sure as hell went up...it went up to 85% i couldnt do it constantly but i was doing it for a full minute. So when i go on saturday im gonna do 5 minutes walking 1 minute "the kazz jog" and continue that cycle for 30 minutes...i also wanna be there when the boxing class is on im gonna have a perv and try and see if i mite be able to handle the boxing class...so we will see.

This afternoon ended up at mums working on her computer....had to remove her piece of chit nortons and install firefox...all working good now.

ohhhhhhhhh and i have to say a big thank you to jaxx. Theres a lil blog award going round at the moment...you give the award to someone whose blog you enjoy. And mine was one that jaxx gave it to...so thank you jaxx !!!



And i am gonna give the award to Nats Journal I also read her journal...not only is she a inspiration especially when it comes to fitness shes a friend who supports me...which im so grateful for :)

Also...airlie...when you are in adelaide next email me or leave me a message..would love to meet up :)

Have a good nite all !

so tired..........

im so tired today...worked till 9.30pm last nite..came home...stuffed around for a whiel...went to bed then the alarm went off at 6.50am *ugh* i really had to drag myself out of bed. But i did .... went to the gym did 15 minutes on the cycle...the PT session...where i literally dragged ass...i mean when we did the stepper it was higher...and instead of holding for 5 seconds while doing squats i was holding for 15 seconds. I said to teri that i feel really tired and she said i seemed tired too...said it could be cos i hadnt done a PT session in the morning before. I then did 15 minutes on the treadmill. I discussed it with teri and shes suggested i increase the grade on it...as i was going up to a speed of 5.5 but i was only barely getting into the 60% range for my heart rate...i lowered the speed to 4 and increased the grade to 4 and my heart rate was getting much higher...so we set the plan for this week:

thrusday - cardio
friday - walk
saturday - weights and cardio
sunday - day off
monday - cardio
tuesday - cardio
wednesday - PT

so thats the plan...next step is whether i can stick to it LOL

Had a bit of a grumble today too...cos i jumped on the scales and they had gone up 400 grams. grrrrrrrrrrr i said to my trainer...whenever i exercise it goes up a day or two later...she said its not muscle cos my body is still transitioning...and said she can tell im thinking the exercising is making me gain...and i said yeh but i am still motivated its not changing anything...so anyway she said to wait until i see jenna tomorrow and then discuss it with jenna...so we will wait and see.

Not a lot else going on...have tomorrow and friday off...and seeing we worked the last 6 out of 7 days...really looking forward to it...okies off i go have a good day all =]

Another 900 grams bites the dust...

woo hoo weighed in... lost another 900 grams...taking me down to 144.7 kilos...which puts the grand total back at 26.2 kilos lost....so getting there again. And so 4.8 kilos by May 31...so if I average around 900 grams per week I will make it.

Had trouble getting to sleep last nite (bad nite at work) and was very sleepy this morning and really contemplating not going to the gym...but got my act together and headed off to the gym...did 20 minutes on the treadmill...10 minutes at a speed of 5 and 10 minutes at a speed of 5.5 then did 10 minutes on the bike...first time Id been on that for monthssssssssss ... interesting thing is my heart rate gets up higher on that then the treadmill...and then 5 minutes on the rower at level 9 (that bloody well killed me !) I then headed off to subway for one of their fit meals...had a chicken and salad ( no cheese !) 6 incher. The one thing im struggling with at the moment is working these evenings and having to prepare meals that i can bring to work...tonite i was slack and just picked up half a ceaser salad wrap..tomorrow i have a PT session at 8.30am then i will come home and whip up a chicken stirfry to take to work tomorrow nite. So all is going good. Will be glad tho for after next week when off these damn evening shifts - okies nearly time for some work - ciao all !!!!

Well helloooooooooooooooooo...another good day...foodwise. At work they were giving us all free muesli bars...without even thinking i nearly went and grabbed one...then stopped myself and thought nope "processed sugar" and didnt take one. The one thing I have been kinda bad with is hot chocolates...Im not usually a hot drinker but i have really got a taste for them and get a couple each week at work...they are made with just skim milk and cocoa so I dont think its really bad but Im not really sure if its ok too...so will run that pass Jenna on thursday. Didnt exercise today whoch is bad...but will do the 180 steps tonight and will actually increase to 200 steps. Tomorrow morning off to the gym, and wednesday morning a PT session.

I have decided with my weighing in i will weigh in on my scales each tuesday morning as my "official" weigh in...they are practically exact on with the gym scales but as I go to my slim session at any time of day it will add some regularity and i think that will help. So look out for a way in tomorrow.

Ive decided to cut back on the internet too lol...i usually use 3 chat programs...1 is the pink sofa...i rarely go in to chat...mostly log in to see if any chick has messaged me and to check out whats going on locally, one i log in to play gammon and the other is just habit forming. So the last one I have decided its well and truly time to ditch it...its really a waste of time...and not doing anything to get to my goals...the gammon one well its a good hobby to distract me from food and pink sofa well i think that good for me for "getting my life back" so tonite the other one i plan on deleting from my computer.

The 2 days I ahve got off this week coming off I need to go thru my clothes have told a friend of mine she can have the clothes i have grown out of. Some of them are really lovely...lots of katies clothes but she mite as well put them to good use.

Also my mobile number is changing...got on a new staff plan and meant a new number and i find out in a few days time if i am getting a new phone too...hopefully...its a nokia 6500 so has a music player attached and is so slim and cute !

Well sneaked a peek at the scales and they are moving in the right direction and I think I can confidently say I will have a loss this week...may not be big...but I am sure it will be a loss...I dont have my next slim session till thursday but I am sure I am gonna be a step closer to that mini goal of being under 140 kilos by the 31st of may. I am feeling really good...I am eating soooooooooooooo well...I dont think I have ever eaten this well...even with ww I have still treated myself...and I should treat myself just not with food. And I am feeling really good about that...this week the only treat has been 2 hot chocolates and 1 chocolate freddo frog...so I really feel great about that...it feels like I am getting the balance right. I am also starting to realise that the food is what will lose the weight but the gym will SCULPT it, and before I got sick exercising was killing me. I remember at the gym one day only doing 2 on the treadmill...this week I did 5 on the treadmill. So far this week I have exercised...tuesday, wednesday and friday and am going tomorrow morning thats 4 times for the week babii !!! Who woulda thought it...and every workout I been sweating my lil butt off. Ive even started to think about doing the odd class...was thinking body balance and maybe even boxing ... theres a saturday morning boxing class that goes for 30 minutes..so we will see. I didnt exercise today so tonite I pulled out the stepper and did 180 step ups while holding 1 kilo weights in each hand doing some basic movements. Not a big workout but every lil bit helps.

I am feeling better too...not so tired...going to sleep at night and eager to wake up for my new day...so right now the big focus is my friend tracys 40th. Some people going I have seen recently...some not for quite a few years and some well over 10 years..and so for some I will be the biggest they have seen me...but I am determined no matter what to look good. I wanna be in the 130's and I wanna look good...so thats the immediate focus.

Okies off to watch some tv - enjoy all =]

Afternoon all...saturday afternoon/evening at work - lucky me eh? lol

Im really impressed with how good I am being food wise...today for lunch I have a salad made up of diced tomato, diced red and green capsicum, diced salad onion, snow pea sprouts with sliced boiled egg and 2 slices of multigrain bread. Ive also got another piece of toast for one snack and also a banana and a diet yoghurt ! Dinner tonight is 2 chicken shaslicks and 1/3 cup cooked rice and salad...damn getting good eh? The scales had gone up when I went back to the gym (grrr thats frustrating) they went back up to 147.6 but this mornign they were back down to 146.8 so hopefully by thursday I will be under 145.6. I am really impressed with myself...the scales going up could be so tempting to say "f*** this" but I am so not even looking for a easy way out...I finally realise I gotta do the hard yards and I have maannaged to get thru this lil slump so feel really good about myself.

The blisters seem a lil better today. Tomorrow I am planning to go buy some good sports socks as I discoverred wearing cotton ones help you gain blisters (I so thought cotton ones were good for u kinda like cotton knickers LOL) I am also planning to go looking for the new biggest loser dvd...there is a beginners cardio low impact work out...so I figure that will be good for days I dont get to the gym...as I really wanna work out 5 out of 7 days as a minimum and getting to the gym isnt ALWAYS feasible.

Had a VERY strange dream last nite...I got this letter from Ang saying she was in australia at a army base (what the...???) and so I scurried off looking for a flight on the qantas website...even tho the letter didnt say what army base she was at LOL...very very strange...as I havent really thought about her off late...strangeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Well okie dokie...off to do some work

Damn blisters...

well jumped on the damn scales for a peak today and they have gone up about a kilo. Quite annoying when Ive been eating so good...and I am not sure if the gym could impact me so quickly as to cause a gain. But regardless we are trudging on as its more about a helthy lifestyle then numbers on the scales ;)

got up early and went to the gym today. On the way stopped and picked up some bandaids. Now Im starting to think that chemists dont know freaking anything....she told me which bandaids to get and i didnt think anything about it...popped them on and did 35 minutes on the treadmill at level 5 with a .5 grade (fastest speed ive done to date) so got thru it altho my soles were burning and I was starting to feel my blister...so took of my shoes...went to take off the band aid and it took half the skin of my blister with it !!! damn it...so its open and a bit red and raw...so I wont go to the gym over the weekend ... and rest it ... I will do 200 steps morning and night on my stepper.

Apart from that not a hell of a whole lot going on working tonight and tomorrow nite 1-9pm...then wo0t sunday off ... mite have to go out and buy myself some good socks to help with the blister issue :)

Well woke yesterday and I was aching...especially my upper thighs...but my intention was still to exercise but instead of going to the gym I decided to go out for a walk instead...so off we went ...walked 20 minutes down prospect road...came to a bus stop and by this point i was puffing and sweating sat down for 5 minutes...then headed down towards churchill road. A super duper rich tree lined street (one house had its own tennis court !) and i was there thinking oh this is a lovely walk...then i turned around and had to walk back UP the hill...holy crap...puffing and panting and by the time i got back to the bus stop i just knew i had a blister and still had another 20 damn minutes to walk home, so another 5 minute rest...and then home. So I did walk for a hour broken up into 3 x 20 minute segments. By the time last night came not only was the blister hurting (still is the damn thing) but my thighs were killinggggggggg me and still were today. Went to sneak a peek at the scales and the damn things have gone up :( but im not gonna stress cos this is about getting healthy and will just keep things up.

So im not going to the gym today, tonight ill go grocery shopping and stock up on band aids and chit so i can wear my gym shoes tomorrow and get in the gym.

Well off to get ready for work...have a good day all =]

2 kilos babiiiiiiiii !!!

woooo hoooo my goal was to be under 147.6 when I weighed in today (the weight I was a month ago) but I kicked that lil goal in the ass and lost 2 kilos and am now at 145.6...so a total of 25.3 kilos. My aim for next week is to be under 145 kilos.

Anyways so how did my trip to the gym go??? welllllllllllllllllll good once me and the treadmill machine rebonded and i stopped slipping and practically falling on my face ! my gawd its only walking for gawds sake but I seemed to have trouble with it hehe but I ended up doing 15 minutes mostly at level 4 (I was doing under 4 previously) so woot woot for me. Then had my PT session which was so damn hard...I was coughing quite a bit and sweating like you wouldnt believe but at the end my trainer said I did really good...said i pushed thru and i was doing the same weights as previously and some exercises the weights were higher....so that was all really good...planning to go in tomorrow as well and do 30 minutes on the treadmill.

I then went and saw my slim coach and her deduction was - Im not eating enough ! who woulda thunk it?? Basically just need to eat as I had this week but with a dairy in my afternoon snack and a fruit with my breakfast. Then as she was going thru my tracker and discussing things...i thought ok lets broach the "vegetable" subject so shes aware...so dunno if ive mentioned this before on my journal...im not a vegetable eater...especailly peas, coked carrots, corn, beans, pumpkin...cant stand the smell of them and a lot of those vegetables "pop in your mouth" lol should looked at me like i had suddenly sprouted 2 heads...luckily i am use to people looking at me like that when i say this. But then she composed herself...flipped over the paper made up 4 colums titled red, green, orange and white and we came up with a list to fit into each column. She also wants me to go to the central markets this week and wander around and buy TWO vegetables ive never tried ! (tania - do you know what days its open?) Then she told me her and my trainer wanna come and do a grocery shop with me...to show me the foods they think i should buy and reading the labels etc etc for all my time on ww i can type the kilojoues and fat into my points calculator but the rest on the labels is goobbliegook to me so I said a definite yes so will prolly do that in a few weeks time when I am on holidays - hows that for service? Ive never had someone do that for me before and ive seen it done on different weight shows so i think its a great thing.

Okies off to watch friends then cook dinner - have a good nite all !

Okies so that picture aint the best but its taken me foreverrrrrrrrrrrrrrr to even find that ! So wat is it? Or who is it ? Its jenny of course..okies its the dress Id love to wear...Jenny from L word wears it in the opening...its the beautiful flowing thing...now I dont REALLY to ever expect to have the upper arms to carry it off...but a girl can dream right??? Anyway its a visual goal...and my current weight goal is to be under 130 by september 30...so the pressure is on now ! thats 17.7 kilos to lose in 25 weeks...completely doable...but didnt want to set some ridiculous goal...so...that works out to 700 grams per week with me commencing it from last week. Guess what kiddos??? I can freaking do it too la la la la

So psycholigist to be nat asked on her journal today who "your" (meaning me LOL) support team is and do u acknowledge it? So i will answer...

My sister...my sister is always there...either emailing me to say well done on a loss (which hasnt been recent) or wanting to know what Ive meant by a post or telling me not to give up. When she comes to adelaide for one of her jaunts in the year they always wanna eat takeaway...cos takeaway is practically unheard of in streaky bay and she has often said...no we not getting kazz some...im not gonna help her to break this.

Joe and Ryan...Okies these two are the biggest pains in my ass at times but they only want whats best for me. If i got to the cafeteria at work and by something bad you are guaranteed to hear joe say "princesssssssssssssssssss" and i know uh uh...hes often asking me whats for lunch and telling me healthy ways to prepare different meals...and ryan well hes just there on the sidelines cheering me on.

Everyone who regularly posts on my site...and thats nat, tania, jaxx and airlie...i may not say it often but the comments really do mean the world for me and I often check in between posts for comments.

Jody...omg another person whose a severe pain in my freaking ass...shes a yank from new mexico...we have "known" each other online for liek 7 1/2 years...shes often on a health jaunt too and often tells me how well im doing...how proud she is of me...and asking me how ive been going.

Girls of the ww forum...they are a great group...very supportive..and that whole forum has been like a tenderhook that I hung on to even when not doing good...

Teri my trainer...so far only a few sessions but so far shes been supportive and she herself asked me "whose in my support team" a few weeks ago...

But yanno biggest support is myself...my goals, my dreams cos while I can lean on people and learn off them..I have to rely on myself

Okies off i go to cook dinner before settling down to biggest loser...take care all

Well good lawd the blonde brain cells musta been working overtime yesterday cos I COMPLETELY forgot to wish my blog happy birthday ! 2 gawd damn years !! can you believe it??? Actually I remembered when I got home from work last night but when I realised i was too busy watching episodes of L word...omg hot hot hot !!!

Anyways...sneaked a peak at the scales this morning...and going in the right direction altho will wait till tuesday arvo for the "official" result...nat on the ww forum wont know wtf is going on with me giving a actual weigh in figure LOL its been so freaking long ... but rest assured just cos im weighing in does not mean the world is coming to an end or anything crazy like that.

I soooooooooo freaking wanted to get to the gym today...ffs...but I am still coughing...its nearly 3 weeks now and i am SO over this...it has improved a lil with the puffer...and i am using steam and bettadine but still have this irritation in my throat thats making me cough - anyone got any other ideas i can try to get rid of it???

For dinner tonite i have a recipt of lamb chops and cherry tomatos all done rather nicely...im not a huge meat eater but im suppose to be only having one carb serve at night and 3 protein serves...so im sure this will do - hell maybe Ill even enjoy it. Haven't been to load up on the fresh fruit and vegies yet but will this afternoon.

Okies not a whole lot else to say...except hip hip hooray to my lil bloggie ! =]

wo0ot its friday....I dont think Ive wanted a weekend to come so badly for such a long time...and its not reason except to rest my throat....my coughing is always worse at work. So I work today and then have saturday, sunday, tuesday and wednesday off...so in the next 5 days i only work 1 day so it really gives it a good chance to rest.

Went out after work last nite...I ended up having a hot chocolate and a serve bruschetta. I SOOOOOOOOO miss drinking my soft drinks...but unfortunately cold drinks and drinks with bubbles make me cough non stop.

Tomorrow I am going to the gym tho...nothing too hectic just gonna try and do 30 minutes on the treadmill.

I was gonna go pick up some groceries this morning but was so sleepy...I had a bizarre dream last nite...dreamt i had a gf....we woke up and she goes check my hair....and i discover her hair is falling out...and the next thing we are at out "engagement" party and its my bday as well and my mum is there but doesnt give me a present or say happy bday hahahah was quite bizarre.

Well cos I didnt get my arse out of bed early enuff I have to make do with whats in the house....so natural yoghurt and muesli for breakfast..and salad sandwich will need to be bought for lunch.

Okies off to make breakfast then get ready for work

Well went to the dietician this morning. She asked how I have been going - told her i have been sick and prolly put on what I had lost so she went thru the plan with me but didnt weigh me or anything. We are going out for drinks after work tonight (will be just orange juice for me) and then when i get home I will plan my meals for the next week. I am going back on tuesday and then I will be weighed and measured. So my goal for this week is to simply be under 147.6 when i weigh in on tuesday.

I have been reading a AWESOME journal...it spans over 7 years and is in the link list over on the right...its called dietgirl and hilarious to read and i so relate to her...she hasnt the best luck in love while fat and that i can SO relate too and she wasnt always successful...she had a 6 month period where she put on 10 kilos after losing 50 kilos...i put on 10 kilos after losing 34 kilos...so it gave me a bit of a "i can do this too' feeling. She also planned to go overseas...so 2 years after she started she went to live in the ul on a working holiday...and whilst I dont plan to do that I would like late next year to go on a trip to new york...always wanted to go there...all that culture, shopping...would be awesome ! I am aiming for a mini award of a trip to melbourne for later this year.

Not much else going on...the cough was quite bad last nite but is quite good today...so fingrs crossed it keeps improving !

Well rang the gym this morning. Was trying to get a earlier time for my slim coach appointment (no luck there !) but anyway my personal trainer answered the phone...anyway she said to me even if im still coughing etc on tuesday come in...and we will do a light session just to get me back into things so that was good. But I am hopeful to be back on saturday anyways. Halfway thru the working week..then I have saturday & sunday off...work monday and have tuesday and wednesday off...so a nice break !

My house is completely disorganised at the moment...nearly 3 weeks of being sick a lot of stuff just hasnt been done so saturday afternoon am planning to get stuck into all of that. I am expecting a gain when I weigh in tomorrow not only has sick made me incredibly lazy (altho i have been eating more fruit) I have also been sucking on soothers like its been going out off fashion and having hot drinks which i dont normally touch to help calm my throat. But I will take whatever weight it is tomorrow and then get on with things. I was reading a journal linked to nats site yesterday (i think) who goes to fernwood with a PT trainer and the slim coach and i read she lost 14 kilos in 10 weeks...wow would be awesome to be simply under 140 in 10 weeks. I am convinced once I get in the gym routine and I am "living it" then the weight will simply start to melt off...all my previous attempts in the last 6 months havent combined everything...and after losing 25 kilos I think exercise is vital, at least for me.

Not a lot else going on...altho next wednesday I am catching up for breakfast with some friends I went to school with..2 i caught up with last week and that all went well but theres another 4 invited this time...1 i havent seen for about 20 years and the other 3 i havent seen for about 5 years...so a bit daunting...but i am sure it will all go fine.

I am contemplating going to streaky bay early next month...my main concern is being sick so recently and the airconditioning on those damn buses is like a breeding ground for virus's..i often get sick after a trip on them and am worried going on them soon when my immune system is prolly not at its best but i SOOOOOOOOOOO wanna spend some time with the kids...so i am ummming and ahhhing over all that at the moment. If I dont go its a good chance for getting to the gym everyday and a real focus on "me" so decisions...decisions...

Okies off I go and do some work la la la la la... =]

Okay I am seriously over this cough...that said...it does appear better today and people at work said im "quieter" today...so hopefully the puffer is helping. I would love to go back to the gym on saturday...I am surprising myself by how much I am wanting to get back into it. And I think thats partly thanks to the reading of late I have been doing...including journals which has really helped get my head into the right place. I am really starting to realise my meals shouldnt be what i "like" but what I "need". I think I am getting much more into that zone of understanding food is fuel and not a treat. We are having some warmer days here again...27-30 degrees which is nice...makes me want to go sit outside in the sunshine and read...shame I have to sit in a office and work LOL

But yanno what? I feel happy ! I really feel within myself i am getting back into the zone...my cough feels a lil better...the suns out...its a good day and I ahve the excitement of knowing I will be back at the gym soon enough !

Now on to the Leaders of Tomorrow program I was offered to apply for...I have decided not to apply for it...for 2 reasons. One if I went into it I would be doing a certificate in business management...so as well as working I would be studying on a part time basis...that combined with needing to get to the gym and full time work...I just feel would be too much on my plate...and bottom line my health MUST come first. Also the amount of sick leave you have taken I am sure would be taken into account (as you are not allowed to take annual leave for the 15 months the program runs) and as I just had 10 days off...I think it would reflect badly...SO i decided the next 12 months I am going to focus on my healthy lifestyle...by getting healthy it makes sense my sick leave will reduce and then next year I will apply for it. Its not that I am not applying for it cos I think I am too big or anything but more about prioritising and as I said in yesterdays post my weight loss and healthy lving MUST be a priority...but its all good...Im excited for my future

Okies off to work I go =]

Well finally went back to the docs this morning. Turns out the cough mixture the chemist RECOMMENDED was making me cough more. So the doc has me on a puffer now and a cough suppresent so hopefully with luck the cough will start to really subside now. Am off today....work the next 5 days then I have 4 out of 5 days off...wooo hoooo. It will be good to give my voice a real good rest then. Even if I am not well off to do a work out this week I am going to see the slim coach on thursday to get my eating back on track. Have been doing some various reading today and feel like I am really getting my head back in "the zone" i KNOW i can do this weight loss and succeed...I have done it before...and I need to stop letting my insecurities from not succeeding...but im not on weight loss journey im on a "to be healthy" journey. When I go in on thursday its the first proper slimplicity session so they will measure me as well....so i will make sure i grab those numbers as well and add them to my journal.

I have series 4 of L word to watch this afternoon wooo hooo !! Great way to spend a sunday afternoon lol

I must say its a nice feeling getting into the right head space...and will be even better once I start to make some solid process...okies ... off to watch L word *winks*

PS airlie and jaxx can you add a comment so I can grab your url as I lost them both in the template update - thanks !

Well getting a bit better everyday. Every night i am coming home and going straight into my bedroom...and getting into bed with the heater on...keeps me at a nice stable temperature and I watch tv or play on the computer...its not active but my priority right now is simply to get back to 100%. I am aiming to go back to the gym on wednesday...dont know if I will be ready by then but with luck I will be.

Being sick really makes you reflect...when your too tired to cook meals and do basic stuff you realise how much I take feeling good for granted and then 90% of the last 6 months I have been slowly eroding my health by eating crap food and not exercising - and why do I do that? For one...its cos its "easy" its easier to sit in front of the tv...its easier to pick up take away...its just plain old EASY...going on a weight loss journey is gawd damn hard work...i have too plan, prepare, make the effort to go to the gym, work on myself to go for the good food items and also on my head (prolly the hardest part of it all) when i was losing the weight before....every week i waited for the week where it got unachievable and i failed and gained...and so instead of that i simply gave up. Ive always been like this...i remember when i was about 11 or 12 i was going in this esstedford for ballet...was going to enter as a solo...my mum stayed up all nite sewing this cute lil white tutu...anyway it was easier to not go then to risk "failing" so i didnt go. So i think this is a big part that I need to push thru...fact of the matter is I need to stop waiting for the failure and simply work on the winning of the weight loss journey. Im really getting focussed and ready to committ..i so do not want to get sick again like this ... im determined to try and make my body as strong as possible. I think if i get my weight loss under control my life could be happy. I am slowly getting back in touch with my friends from school...2 i met for breakfast last friday and on the 16th i am catching up with both of them...plus a few more have been invited...these are people who I was great friends with in my late teens/early 20's we were a big group of friends...pretty innocent...but always having fun. My friend laura was saying to me the other day just think about those times we use to have...now we are all worried about bills, work, family stresses etc instead of allowing ourselves to simply let go and have fun when we catch up, and shes so right...so thats another thing...working on enjoying life more...work i enjoy...my single lifestyle i mostly enjoy...so my weight loss is now my number one focus...its my PRIORITY and the only thing that can come before it is work...but as I said right now...getting over this flu is number one...so off i go for a dose of benadryl before settling down to watch biggest loser...have a good weekend all =]

Well today is the first day I finally feel like I am improving. Was suppose to go out to dinner last night with tania and while i was sorry to miss catching up...i basically came home from work and went stright to bed and spent the evening watching tv in bed and watching a episode of L word with my heater on and keeping nice and warm and I do feel better today for it. I am still coughing a lot but it has improved a lil.

My jeans are feeling looser...I havent weighed myself but suspect I ahve dropped down a lil. I didnt really expect to be losing as I have simply been eating as I feel like it lately (and admittedly have missed numerous meals) and have been sucking on lots of soothers for the last week so my sugar levels are definitely up. I am hoping very soon I can get back to the gym...would be nice to get back next week but not sure if the cough would be gone by then or not (fingers crossed) i am really getting itchy to get back into everything ... getting sick like this again has convinced me more then ever even if i never lose another I need to stick to this healthy lifestyle for my actual health...cant handle another dose of this flu and am even considering getting a flu shot (and anyone who knows how i am about needles knows what a big deal that is LOL)

So second day back at work today and its soooooooooo nice being back...and getting that normality coming back into everything. Tonite I will grocery shop and get some lemonade,,,,i have been craving lemonade lately...luckily if its not cold it doesnt make me cough but pepsi and coke send me off into crazy fits of coughing.

Anyways thats about it...off to do some more work :)