Back to work again...

Well back to the doldrums of work today...started at 7am...but only another 4 days of work and then i have 11 days off. Havent really decided what to do for my holidays...im partly tempted to go to streaky bay...my concern is the bus being crowded and my fat ass having to share a seat lol...id love to go there for 5 days or so...the kids are only holidays from school so could get plenty of time with them...ill have to decide pretty damn shortly !

I must say my self confidence is certainly improving. Its a very bizarre scenario for me to have someone tell me they "like me" I havent had that for years. One of my friends felicity said...can you believe all these people gathered together for your birthday? She was like...i wouldnt get this many together. And its been over the last 5 weeks or so that i am even started to consider myself "popular" i havent had friends for years...i either lost contact with people or simply just didnt have friends now suddenly...i have got friends...its taken me a while...but i think thats cos initially i can be quiet...but ultimately i think people can see i am not a player and have relatively high morals and once i get comfy my humour comes out. That in itself is a eye opener Ive always thought its the loud people who are popular and dont worry i can be bloody loud but not when I initially meet someone.

I havent been back to the gym...i need to get back and i know why i havent. I really am undecided about what to do about the dietician...part of me thinks talk to them and say i dont wanna see the dietician...and another part thinks oh just see her to keep the peace...i really am not one for confrontation....but i really do need at the very least to get back into my personal training sessions...and i am still keen to do boxing...decisions decisions !

Well just about time to go cook dinner...have a good nite all =]

Birthday Celebrations...

Well friday night was when we went out for my birthday and i had a FABULOUS night. There was 14 or 15 of us. We went to the local pub (called the wheaty) and hung out in the beer garden. They kept piling me with glasses of champagne in fact at one point I had 3 in front of me LOL and i kept saying .... but I have to work tomorrow...and everyone was like noooooooo your calling in sick! Then leigh bought me tequila shooters lol and i had to do the whole lick, sip & suck thing. The wheaty closed at midnight and then 4 of us headed into the mars bar, when we got there robyn (the girl i asked over for dinner) and felicity both ran into people they knew so me and leigh went off and danced...anyway we danced quite a bit...we were holding hands and stuff...(at one point she told me i have the softest hands she has ever held lol) anywayyyyyyyyyyyyyy we went and took a breather from the dancing and me and leigh were talking....when suddenly she says...i am getting over someone so wouldnt do anything at this point...but i have feelings for you...OMG ! you coulda knocked me over with a feather duster ! But you know a few drinks under me and i start to saying some silly things...anyway so with all the decorum of a ant i turn around and say...why when you can have any lesbian in adelaide would you go for the fat chick? lol...i still cant believe i said such a thing....but anyway...its nice we have chatted a lot the last few days and who knows what the future holds...regardless of anything i think i have a new friend which is always good =]

I got home after 3am ! and had to be up at 7.30am for work...and guess what? I did go to work ! lol im sure i looked pretty shabby...but the interesting thing was...i was talking to my frien joe....and teling him everything....and he said....you like leigh more then robyn tho don't you? I said at this stage yeh..to which he said...you can tell your whole demeanour is different today. My friend laura said to me you are putting the good vibes out there and so its coming back to you...all karma. So it was a great nite and I have posted a few of the pics from the night below....

Me & Leigh



Tracy and Laura (Two friends I went to school with)



Leigh and Robyn (yes the two who have my attention looking not so serious lol)



Leigh and Robyn again



Me and Felicity



Just me




Me having a drink




Me having a tequila shooter with Felicity and Leigh in the background

1.6 kilos babeeeeeeeee

yes its true 1.6 kilos ! I seriously did not expect to lose that much....there was even a wondering if i gained (seems kinda silly now lol) but the most i was realistically expecting was 800 grams...to double that is simply amazing...and I am now convinced it all comes down to weighing and tracking ! Combined with my 25 minutes of exercise i did 5 times last week.

Okies...so i have my eye on someone....they live local...we hang out a bit...have a nice friendship....and she is currently getting over her last relationship. Anyway, someone last nite said to her "if your head was in the right head space Id ask you out" WHO THE HELL TOOK OVER MY BODY AND SAID THAT??? wtf did that confidence come from???? LOL Anyway she told me not to discount her....shes not in the right head space at the moment...but to not discount it...so im all smiles today ;) A lil while later she said...ill have to come over sometime soon so u can watch this pink dvd...hehe...so i was like sure...u can come over for din din...so over the next week or so ill try and organise that!

Anyway my NYE is going to be quiet as i have to work at 8.30am tomorrow....you all have a good and SAFE new year....and more power to all of us with 2009 xox

Its my birthday....

Well have had a gorgeous day today....woke up to numerous emails saying happy bday as well as lots of messages on facebook...and the phone has recieved lots of text messages. We went out to lunch where i got my present from my sister which was the most awesome makeup kit...it includes everything...eyeshadows, lipstick, lip glosses, nail polish, lip & eye liner, rouge, mirror, every imaginable type of brush....its awesome i love it. At lunch i had the greek lamb salad...and it was divine .... so damn yummii !!! I had a great day and now the countdown to my nite out for my bday on friday...bring it onnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn !!!!

Okies i took some photos...taking photos is always such a reality check...sometimes i get lost over the fact i lost 25 kilos...and think im so much better off....and then i see the pics and think...yeh...i look a lil better....but no where near where i wanna be....and nowhere near as much in my head as i thought id be...anyway heres the pics...i will be back tomorrow with weigh in results...keep your fingers crossed !

The beginning of the journey:







Photos from December 30 2008:

Exercise points..

Wow...just checked my tracker....have done 12.5 points of exercise this week...a big improvement on last week as was only 5.5 points that week. My fingers are still crossed for a loss on wednesday...I realise last weeks loss of 5.1 kilos was huge...and my body may be thinking wtf? Also I have upped the exercise this week including some resistance and light weight work so I could be building muscle as well.

Tomorrow of course is my birthday...i am going out for lunch...ive checked the menu and am deciding between two options either Lamb fillet marinated in lemon, garlic & a blend of Greek spices. Cooked to your liking, served with salad greens, baby bocconcini, spanish onion, roma tomatoes, cucumber wafers. Finished with roasted capsicum & basil coulis or Chicken tenderloins marinated in cajun spices, grilled & served with baby cos leaves, oven baked pancetta, roma tomatoes, crunchy croutons & finished with a house made ranch dressing, i was gonna get the chicken salad but im kinda leaning towards the greek lamb salad...im figuring both would be around 10 points...decisions decisions lol I mite opt for the lamb salad cos i dont have red meat often so it mite be good to get some red meat in me.

Not a lot else going on...making a chicken burger tonite for dinner...with one of steggles chicken breast fillets (only 2.5 points and is crumbed =])

Oh airlie - so nice seeing u posting....do u still have a journal?

Im sure ill be back tomorrow...enjoy till then all =]

3 days off....

3 days off now...glorious...glorious...glorious...been really good foodwise again. Jumped on the scales tonite...and they dont look like ive lost...even wondering if i may be going to have a gain...ive been spot on with my food so the only thing i can think is cos I lost so much last week....my body is prolly balancing out...regardless im noticing the difference in my clothes...i will weigh myself tomorrow for more of a idea. But regardless I know Ive done nothing wrong...and will keep doing what i am doing.

We were really quiet yesterday and today at work thankfully...i played a lot of backgammon LOL

Have come under my points by half a point today so all good.

Finally got a call tonight from a guy coming to do maintenance work on the airconditioning - thank gawd ! The a/c is so freaking loud you turn it on and it sounds like a aeroplane about to take off...i dont turn it on cos its so noisy so will be good to be able to turn it on. So anyway he is coming 10.30am tomorrow morning...then in the afternoon need to go do the grocery shopping. I also decided as my "treat" for my bday since i dont wanna buy cake or anything....i will uy meringue egg nest and put some of the nestles chocolate dessert (the one for 1 point) and then pop strawberries on top...think that should do me quite nicely !

Okies off to watch the end of jerry mcguire before bed...ni ni all =]

Another day...

Had an awful dream last nite...dreamt i had all these warts on my stomach and they were growing...so i went to the doc the doc said...we need to operate to see if they are operable (like wtf???) and i said when do we need to operate? And she goes yesterday LOL...i woke up thinking okay damn weird

Managed to sleep in till 8.45am this morning wooo hooo. Am back at work today and tomorrow. Working 12pm-8pm. Walked for 30 minutes this morning. I am wearing the exs tshirt today...it sits quite loose on me...not baggy but not as firm fitting as it once was...so thats gotta be a good sign.

I am getting so good with my water drinking its not funny....which is so good cos thats something i normally struggle with. I am aiming for a kilo loss this week I think it is doable.

I also went and got fitted for new gym shoes by athelete foot the other day...they recommended New Balance Cross trainers 855 for oh a low $169.95 holy crap...i didnt buy any...but will wait till i see them on special or something (which mite be never haha !)

The day after....

Morning all =] My plans for the party arent going ahead....but its all good....i knew Robyns ex would be at the party and i was concerned last nite about that scenario...i spoke to her this morning and she thought it may seem antagonistic so we agreed i wouldnt go...she mentioned going to one on australia day tho and i am seeing her at my birthday so its all good.

I carried one point over from yesterday, which I am impressed with. I must say when i get to the end of the day and KNOW every morsel which has passed my lips has been tracked and i havent gone over my points is a really fulfilling feeling, this is unique for me as i have never felt confident in my tracking. Yesterday i ended up drinking about 4 litres of water...I am really coming to like that full feeling that drinking water gives me. Of course i was up a lot during the night going to the loo but its all good.

So today I am relaxing at home...watching some L word and later dr phil & oprah...hope everyone has a nice boxing day...

Merry Christmas Everyone

...well I have had a lovely day. Spent most of it watching L word. I made some low point truffles and also did 25 minutes of exercise. Taking my exercise points into account I head in tomorrow with 1 point saved ;) I had a 97% fat free turkey roll which was delicious. I woke up and went and got my presents and took them back to bed to unwrap...thats one pro to be alone eh? lol...My mum gave me money, and my sister and her family spoilt me. I got a watch, 2 lip gloss's, 2 necklaces (can we say BLING!) and a teatowel made by Danielles child care/kindergarten where all the babies hand prints were on it and all the kids who can draw...did a drawing on it with their names next to it....really cute and of course Danielles drawing was on it.

Then tonight I got a message from someone asking me wanting to know what time i was working saturday...once I told her,,,she asked me if i wanted to go to a party...telling me she would pick me up and get me home safe ;) so thats really quite exciting so have now had to quickly go thru the few clothes I bought over here and wash a top to wear LOL....I think we can really classify this as a good week ! And what I will do as well is take some photos before I leave tomorrow.

I hope it was a fab day for all =]

HOLEY MOLEY...

ok it was a good week and todays result capped the week off as GREAT ! Let me step u back to last nite first tho...came over to mums and they decided to have pizza...hmmmm okies...i had 10 points for the day left....7 points i had saved and 5.5 exercise points i could use....so i could have4 pieces. I decided on 4 pieces before we picked it up...and even when offered a 5th...said no...the garlic bread i also said no too =] This morning i noticed mum had a jar with chocolate covered honeycomb in the kitchen...so told her to lock them away LOL so they are all locked in her filing cabinet.

So this morning ventured into town...first i ventured to ezydvd....and scored series 6 of sex in the city for $30 and hooked up for $15,,,,i then ventured too insanity and got pink in europe for $15 and jillian michaels ultimate workout (3 dvds...beginners front side, beginners back, and cardio kickboxing) for $30 too....so by the time i got to ww i was pretty wrapped. Grabbed myself a bottle of water and went to the meeting. Where i bought my ww kitchen scales...omg they are so great....worked out my lunch with them...lol very impressed....and cos i spent over $20 I got a free cook book.....and then i got my REAL christmas present....i stepped on the scales...expecting a loss of around 3 kilos....welll.....*drumrollllllllllllll*.......i lost 5.1 KILOS ! HOLY MACARONI! Im wrapped...i am beyond happy and of course got my 5 kilo bookmark, and more then ever i am POSITIVE this is it...this is THE LAST time i will ever way 150 kilos....yay for me....im now 145.7...the goal for this week is to get under 145 kilos...i think its completely do-able. Bring it on !

Update : Did 25 minutes of Jillians Beginners Front Side ...2.5 points....and im sweating !

WOW @ potato gems

Well a lovely relaxing day at home today. Knew Id wake up damn early and i was awake a few minutes after 6am LOL

Mum messaged me last nite asked me to go over tonite...so decided mite as well start staying there as off tonite. She wants to show me where stuff is. im pretty much packed...did that earlier...have packed a pile of dvds...and mums got a computer so i should be fine.

So im over mums for dinner tonite ... i said what are you having? she was like....chicken drumsticks with french onion soul mix - tick...theyre fine....spinach and ricotta pastries...3 points a pastry...ok i can afford 2 of those....and potato gems...hmmmmm how much are they? well for 10 measley potato gems...which weigh only 9grams...where as a 100 gram potato is 1 point which i will cut into oven fries.

Im impressed with how ive done this week...i should finish the week with 7 points saved and 5.5 exercise points (gonna aim for 10 exercise points this week) I feel good...and deserve a good loss. Im confident of losing around 3 kilos will find out more tomorrow.

The gym sent me a xmas card today lol was hand written by my dietician...saying she was looking forward to catching up with me...lol...i will after xmas ring up and book PT sessions and a session with her for the week starting january 5. Also once the electricity bill has arrived and been paid (shouldnt be very big this quarter) i will book in for 10 weeks for the boxing PT sessions.

Anyway I will be back tomorrow...but in case you dont read my journal between now and then....i hope everyone has a fabulous xmas xox

Nearly there.....

YAY its my friday today ! I have 6 hours and 50 minutes to go till im off for 4 days (but whose counting eh? lol) I keep saying I cant wait to sleep in but Ive got a very strong suspicion I will be waking up bright and early. This morning my alarm was due to go off at 6.45am and i woke up and got up at 6.15am. I mite have to stay up till about 11pm or so tonite and that way ill prolly sleep in till at least 7am LOL

I am still going really good with my food. I have 7 points saved and may use one or two of them today as I am having the hot dog for lunch. I also have earned 5.5 exercise points (nothing huge i know but its all a step in the right direction) and every day i have drunk between 1.2-1.8 litres of water so thats getting pretty close to the mark too.

Seems I might have plans NYE but im still deciding on them. Their is a girls dance out at St Marys only problem is I have to work at 8am the following morning and at first i thought ill go and only stay till 12.15am-12.30amish but the more i think about it the more I think I may need to skip it...It will be so hard to get a taxi on the nite and i really will need absolute minimum 5-6 hours sleep. So still deciding on that...plus is only a few days later I am going out for my birthday so mite just save myself for that only lol

Okies not too much else to say...have a good day all =]

************************************

WOOT 1 hour and 37 minutes to go ;)

We are deadly quiet at work today. They changed the roster this week so that a lot of people are off xmas day so we have a large number of staff in and so thankfully we are quiet. Anyway as we are quiet i decided to read back over some of my journal...i was reading the first half of this year....and realise how far I was from being in the right head space. There was a lot of moaning about past stuff, going from one program to another like i was changing my underwear lol (think i just my plan of action 4 times in January alone) i think i just wasnt damn happy. A while ago...novemberish i think it was i had a bit of a light bulb moment which i kept to myself...and that was about how im sick of playing the victim...sick of giving others the power...i wont allow myself to be the victim anymore...and i think thats got a lot to do with how my head is at the moment. I really am at a good place. Prolly for the first time EVER im truly following the program...im really seeing my daily points like money in the bank...and i cant overdraw the bank account...but i can do some extra work on the side for some bonus points. I am happy, I ahve finally got a bunch of friends....and its not people who just put up with me...its people who truly like me...i finally don't see me having a girlfriend as a fantasy...I know it will happen...when the time is right...the unprocessed foods is working for me...i dont eat hard cheese often (only on tacos for examples...not on toast or sandwiches and im a HUGE cheese lover), im not eating much processed foods...the odd ww ice cream or cookie...but i use to eat a LOT of muesli bars before - no more...my snacks are now bananas and mixed nuts....im eating spinich most nites ! And have grated carrot and grated zuchhini quite a bit (and like i said...not a vegetable person) now that im combining ww with my fernwood eating...im starting to work the program...i feel really proud of a lot of my current food choices...2.30pm and 1.8 litres of water has been drunk...and im TRACKING...so religiously it isnt funny...i know ive said it before but i am making this a huge focus. I feel now this is it the FINAL time...i am NEVER gonna be this weight again...im not gonna rejoin WW EVER again...its over...this whole roundabout is over...this xmas and 2009 is all about me babeeeee...When I weigh in every week over xmas i will record losses...theres no more excuses of "oh this one time wont matter"...no points = no food

I have set myself some goals...by January 31 I wanna be under 143 kilos by the ww scales, by December 31 I have set 3 goals...the minimum goal i will accept from myself is under 120 kilos....the next goal i am truly aiming for is 110 kilos and the fantasy goal is 100 kilos...obviously its a fantasy goal cos its quite possible i wont make it...if i got under 120 kilos i would be really happy tho...and i need that focus...those things to aim for.

Okies one hour and 15 minutes to go....and then 4 days off!

Sundayyyyyyyyy

I feel good today, really good. The scales are moving nicely and even tho i was at work bright and early i still am in a really good mood. I have tracked all of today food...and have 5 points left. So i think when i get home from work ill slot in a extra banana (ive got large ones at home) which will only leave me with 2.5 points. But as tomorrow work is doing hotdogs for lunch...i will use those points to enable me to have the hotdog.

Tonight I will do the biggest loser dvd and try to get all the way thru it. What I really need to do is get a few more dvds maybe the walk away the pounds so i can do different ones on different days

Its weird that now I have my head screwed on okay...some of the posts on the ww forums seem so ridiculous. The number of posts of i ate bad, or i gained or im off track...PLEASE HELP...now of course we get motivation from the forums and support and advice but how are we suppose to help? In all the times i have struggled i never once posted something like that...it pretty much sounds like whining...like someone is saying wahhhhhhhhhh find me a easy way to do this...

Tomorrow is my last day of work before my 4 days off weeeeeeeeeeee so friggin looking forward to them.

Also a reminder my journal is going private please please email me if you want to be able to view it after tuesday on princesskaryn@optusnet.com.au

okies off to do some work since thats what im here for ! lol

Things are going good !

Woke up bright and early today...15 minutes before my alarm went off (and was due to go off at 6.15am ) so im impressed...the good eating is obviously helping in me getting out of bed on time. I am being very strict about my tracking...like never before...I have always tracked in my head and not weighed things...and this would be my downfall I think...was shocked to discover a cup of uncooked pasta is 4.5 points i use to count it as 2-3 points and i would have way more then just a cup LOL I am still really impressed with me doing 34 minutes of the biggest loser DVD last nite..I think I have the walk away the pounds dvd at home too...if i do ill do that tonight...if not ill prolly do the biggest loser one again. I think the fact I have got it into my head that its 27 points per day no ifs or but is making a difference...altho...my points should drop down to 26 next week. I did jump on the scales this morning and showing a loss of around 1.4 kilos and while i realise thats fluid and not fat loss its all still a step in the right direction.

Its a gorgeous day..unfortunately tho i am working till 3.30pm and then back in early again tomorrow. I got invited out to the local pub last nite and tonite (by 2 different friends) but cant go too either...cos im just on too early a start.

I am gonna buy the ww points scales on wednesday at my meeting - im getting money for xmas so that will be my present...and i think they will be worth their weight in gold...specially when trying to measure out 5 grams of damn parmasan cheese !

Only 2 more days after today and I have 4 days off work weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee i cannot wait...gonna be so friggin relaxing and xmas day is gonna be a big dvd watching day lol i checked on ezydvd's website this morning and dammit they are still out of stock of series 4 of L word...so mite have to purchase something else to keep me occupied xmas day.

*********************************************

Exercise update (this mite become a regular thing lol) ,,,, put the music on and for 20 minutes danced in the living room....then i did 100 steps on the stepper...then did 20 reps with my lil weights.....20 reps in the 3 different arm movements...so all in all 28 minutes of exercise....yay me !

Back into it all

Had a real good day foodwise yesterday. I tracked religiously (believe it or not!) even my parmasan cheese...ever tried to weigh out 5 grams of that stuff? But anyway i feel much better already...that bloated feeling is gone. One of my many weakness's is savoury bakery items (like sausage rolls, pies, quiches etc) and I have a bakery on my street...anyway in the last week or so I have visited them regularly...and I have now noticed the difference in my bloating. Amazing tho one day of eating good and drinking the water (1.8 litres yesterday) and the bloating is gone and my jeans are sitting nice again. YAY

Last night I sat down and planned out todays menu...just gotta stop at coles on the way home and pick up some ww bacon, tonight im gonna make a pasta sauce with bacon, tomatos, chilli and lots of vegetables.

Its amazing how when you are in control of your eating you just feel better all round isnt it? Must be the empowerment of being in control

Only 3 work days left and i have 4 days off yippee....................ok have a good day all :)

*************************************

Woohooo I am sitting here sweating ! I decided after much talk about my biggest loser DVD to actually DO IT...last time i tried to do it...prolly 3 months ago i last 10 minutes of it...tonite 34 MINUTES BABEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE i prolly could have gone a bit longer and dont laugh but one of my toes was cramping (gawd jody i can hear u laughing ur head off at that!) but its true...it was cramping and i didnt want it to get real bad....but wooo im so proud of me ! I am now gonna sit here and read my slimming & health magazine. Was invited out tonite to the pub but blast gotta start work at 7.30am and as no one was going out before 8.30pm had to skip it...but i must say i feel great...im religiously tracking, i exercised, i have a social life and i have 4 days off work next week plus my bday celebrations coming up - life is damn good !

Thinking

Well yanno it is a womans perogative to change their mind eh? Well no im not really changing my mind...just a slight different tact. I was reading thru the ww literature last nite and got to the point where it said about measuring yourself...hmmmmm lil hard to measure urself when u live alone...but i want those measurements done cos they are so important. This is one area where fernwood was better then ww in that they measured and did body fat. Now fernwood gave me their program free for 12 months so i still have 9 months of that left at no cost. So what i have decided is ... primarily i am following ww..and will religiously stick to the points but will primarily base my eating along the filling foods...but i will as well as being weighed at ww i will go to my appointments with fernwood so i will get measured and body fat measured as well. Also any week i cant make it to one of the sessions whether it be fernwood or ww i will still ahve the accountability for it for that week. Maybe some think its over the top but it makes sense to me.

There seems to be a slight change in the birthday plans...still going out for the drinks but at this stage prolly wont be staying in town on the nite (which to be honest mite not be a bad thing) I am contemplating maybe booking into a hotel on the nite of my actual birthday. At this stage I have absolutely nothing planned on the day...so would be nice to do something...anyone else got any other suggestions that wont kill the bank balance of something i can do on my own?

Okies off i go...dont forget - email if you want a invite to the journal as it will be going private as of tuesday !

Back to meetings....

Well...went to my meeting ! And i feel so motivated. There has been no meetings in the city for a year or so and they have moved to a new building...all painted...and spacey and all this great shelving where the products are all displayed. Really a nice fresh place for the meetings. Anyway i turned up...cos i had joined as unlimited they gave me a free basic starters kit, and for the first week cos these are new meetings they also gave us all a bag with a ww magazine, a journal and the latest cookbook - bargain ! Then they had a draw for a prize and i won that ! LOL so i got a book of menu plans and a points calculator. I have already logged on and filled out my tracker...i have done it...still have to measure a cup of raw pasta...but without that i still have 9 points spare....whcih by the time i add in the pasta and some snacks should lead me to be spot on. I am gonna take a tip from jo and not go over my points on any day,,,,no catching up on points the following days etc.

I ahd a whole day off work today...go back tomorrow and work 5 days before i get fourrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr days off for xmas...cannot wait ! I am house sitting...and am planning to just do lots of dvd watching...nothingoverly exciting but am looking forward to some relaxing time.

I have had quite a few emails about getting access for my blog once it gets private, and of course everyone who emailed me will get a invite :) im flattered you all read my dinky mutterings...so dont forget if u want access after tuesday to email me at princesskaryn@optusnet.com.au and also...a couple of people commented that they lurked...and i just wanna say i dont care if u lurk...i dont care if people dont post comments...i am really flattered you read...

Okies time for house ! enjoy ur nite all =]

Signed up for unlimited !

Well I signed up for unlimited online today ! Im excited ! Im tired of the whole roundabout of weight loss...I want to get this weight shifted for good. I think I will primarily stick to my plan I was doing at fernwood but increasing it so i am eating enuff points. I had a play around earlier...interesting a lot of the "filling" foods I was already eating...I like how they highlight them in the tracker tho. I am going to a meeting lunch time tomorrow...and planning to do my biggest loser dvd in the morning (now my lounge room is all clear and tidy LOL)

Ive started playing backgammon again, I ahvent played it for ages. Mainly cos the tournaments i play in are in a US chat program and it costs like $12 US a month which with the dollar going down i decided cost too much. But a friend has given me a chat name on his account :) so now i can go in and play for free which is a bonus. I always find things like that relaxing and I love playing gammon altho its so long since i played i seriously suck at it at the moment LOL

Like jaxx i am going to make my journal private. I seriously dont know who reads the journal...and i think by making it private it would be more open...so if you want to be added to the private list email me on princesskaryn@optusnet.com.au and i will get u added....Ill be setting it all up to private monday or tuesday of next week.

The plans for the hotel room for the night of my bday celebrations has changed a lil. We are now talking about organising a 2 bedroom apartment...theres at least 3 of us planning on it...and I have asked a fourth friend along as well...you think 4 lesbians in a hotel will get up to a few hijinks? Im thinking so after a drink or two LOL

Not a lot else going on...having a good day all...only 2 more hours and im on a day off wooohooo

Its a new week....

Well yay inspection is over ! It all went really well...they are looking at putting a new dual system in one of the toilets and also they are going to reimburse me for the fluro lights i had to go buy. The landagent is really nice...she was here for about 45 minutes a lot of that time just chatting.

I was suppose to go to WW tonite..but i discovered they now have EIGHT meetings in the city....so am going to go there instead on wednesday on my day off. The gym emailed me today and said my membership will recommence on 2/1 but my first debit wont be till 10/1.

I have decided whilst I am going back to ww....im not gonna be going to the forums. There are just too many rude and condescending people on it....that combined with how segregated the forum has become I dont think its anything I would gain from.

Birthday plans are coming along nicely...I have invited a bunch of friends to the wheaty....and a friend Leigh has pretty much convinced me to book into a hotel for the night. I am suppose to work the next day...but fingers crossed i can get a shift swap and have the next day off...then if i do....woooo hoooo look out adelaide...kazz may end up being led astray :)

Okies....I also do xstitch...havent done any in ages....but am gonna order a new pattern this week....still trying to decide between two...so im gonna attach the links..would love any feedback or thoughts on which people like the better out of the two

1. Design One
2.Design Two

Okies off i go....have a good nite all =]

Xmas presents and other stuff...

Well work was very good and gave me half a day off on monday for the inspection. So im off tomorrow...off sunday and finish work at 11am on monday and then have wednesday off...not bad eh? lol Today I cleaned up the living room...dusted...pulled out the lounge etc vaccuumed behond it all also washed the coffee table cover etc...so apart from putting away the clothes airer and putting away a couple of things that room is already. Which was the main room to clean...ive only gotta vac the bedrooms, do the kitchen floor, the bathroom, and sweep out in the courtyard....so i will get all that done sunday afternoon...altho i mite do some tomorrow afternoon too.

Tomorrow morning i have to go out and do the grocery shopping then i have to dash into town and buy a new fluro tube for the second bathroom...then in the afternoon going over to mums to drop off the kids xmas presents so she can take them with her. Buying the xmas presents for the kids in the morning and i saw online target has 20% off toys till wednesday which is a bonus.

Then of course monday nite im going back to ww....have been reading the boards they start to introduce the new plan this week so my timing is good...theyre also opening one of the ww myer centres in adelaide in febuary which will help for the occassional week i cant get to meetings.

This weekend i work saturday and have nothing else planned apart from housework which im looking forward too...its expensive going out every friggin weekend. The rain is bucketing down at the moment i hope it bloody well settles down enuff so that i dont get drenched when going out in the morning.

Well thats enuff for tonite....i will be back monday or tuesday nite to let u all know how the inspection and ww went =]

Me at goal??? lol

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Its tuesday !

Woke up yesterday morning and my eyeballs ached...seems weird huh? Anyway so off to the doc i went turns out it was just eyestrain, whilst there tho i had a chat to him about my moods. When i look back my moods have prolly got worse over the last 9 months or so but the up & downess of them all has got worse over the last 3 months. An example is yesterday i was like...thats it im quitting work...i dunt wanna go in there and deal with it anymore...today i cant even believe i was thinking like that. Ive also noticed when i compare my journal entries especially over the last few months to back to late 2006.... i am thinking too much...i am focussing on too much instead of going with the flow, anyway i have prolly been having one or two days per week where i am really down, and even getting very frustrated and angry towards people (which is not like me) so anyway me and the doc chatted and he has put me back on the meds, i feel like this is a good move...so will start taking them once i fill the script on thursday.

The inspection of my unit is on monday...i have thursday, friday and sunday off so plenty of time to get everything spick and span (altho in reality theres not much to do) ive asked for a shift swap on monday but if that cannot be worked in...i will work 7am-11am and then scoot home the inspection will occurr anytime between 12.30pm and 3pm. And then that night i will be returning back to ww.

I am all quite content about spending xmas day/eve by myself now. I have a small and not a very good kitchen whilst ill be staying at my mums she has a nice kitchen...good oven etc...so im planning xmas eve to just do a pile of baking which i will take home and freeze. Xmas day will do the L word thing.

Okies thats enuff blabbler for today... enjoy all

Another weekend bites the dust

Well its late sunday afternoon and the weekend is nearly over =[ That said i have thursday, friday, sunday and (hopefully) monday off over the next 8 days

Got home friday nite didnt feel like going out and there was a letter from the land agent sayingits time for another inspection which is monday the 15th between 12.30pm-3pm I am hoping work will give me either a shift swap or a annual leave day...cos no way im not gonna be here with someone in my house. SO once i read that and was buggered friday nite i thought no not going out...so texted a couple of friends to let them know. Well lol one friend hassled me to death till i agreed to go...so i went. And i had a fun night. I got a lil drunk (ok quite drunk) but it wasnt my fault ! I walked in some friends saw me just as they were buying some shooters so they bought me one, i then bought a glass of champagne (only one i bought all nite) then a friend bought me a few more glasses....then a friend of a friend bought me a couple of cocktails...then my friend bought me MORE champagne..but it was fun i danced with a few different women, listened to some good music it was all good. There is some more stuff to say but at this point ill shut my mouth ;)

SO saturday morning i had a hangover...ok people....all u ww'ers...whats your hangover cures???? Then all weekend i have been slowly doing ALL the washing (including all the things i think each week...i cant be bothered with washing that this week ie the housecoat) and picking up stuff. Pretty much all i need to do it get the new fluro light and vacuum, dust and mop the day before and then on the day sweep out the bag and wash the front and back door down and im ready for the inspection.

A week tomorrow i go back to ww and im excited already...i really am...im looking forward to more cooking and doing the weight loss plan while fitting in to what has become quite a busy social life

Okies off i go ... enjoy all !

YAY its friday

Got up this morning...pulled on the jeans and oooeeerrr thee tight....so even though i ahvent stepped on the scales im guessing ive put on about 2-3 kilos. As i walked to work i got thinking about it all...and was thinking oh well in the new year ill be back at ww...but stuff that...im gonna go back before xmas. Id go this monday night except finances are a lil tight this week due to a ridiculously high electricity bill lol so would have to wait till 15th december...which i know mite sound a lil strange starting right before xmas but i think its wise to do.

I also thought about the wii some more...and my brain is really struggling to justify spending $500 on it so think i will get the gym shoes as well as buy the ww scales. I will try whenever i can to go to the tuesday mornign ww meeting cos SA's best leader lol christina takes that meeting last i heard...and when i cant ill go monday evening. The more i think about it the more i think its the right decision...i can work my social life in with it which has been a huge stumbling block with the fernwood plan.

Tonite there is a girls nite on at the old beanz bar which i will prolly go to...i tell u i have completely forgotten what its like to have a complete weekend at all...thankfully no plans saturday and sunday ... apart from housework and moving into the other bedroom not planning to do a great deal...will prolly do some dvd watching i suspect and also i have lots of books i havent read so will go thru them mite start to do some reading...also mite put some books ive read and a couple of tops that no longer fit me on to ebay...give me a lil extra cash ;)

Well not a great deal else to say...off to have my weetbix...have a good friday all !

Today...

Tomorrow nite there is another girls nite out (yes another one lol) so trying to decide whether to go...i think i will as seems EVERYONE is going...and always good to support these kind of events. Someone i like is going and i have a suspicion someone else who likes them is going lol...so thats made me a lil tentative but i am sure i will go (plus felicity says she is going to nag me via text LOL) Its at hindley street at some old club called beans and has a dj...dj lush (who i think ive heard off before) and lots of my friends are going so should be good.

Sent out invites for my birthday via facebook & emails yesterday. So far I have 9 people going ! OMG -dies of shock- and so far no one has said no altho i know one or two wont be able to make it (its a chit time of the year to celebrate ya birthday in all honesty) AND the girl i like sent her a invite and shes replied back already that she is going to come as well...woo hoo =] that maybe a good sign LOL

Im still contemplating things I will spend my xmas money on...and as well as the gym shoes or bike the thought of a wii is a very definite option...id prolly have to put it on layby....but i could pay 50% off it in the days after xmas at least...and then hopefully have it within a month or so...its not gonna replace the gym or anything but would be good to have something fun to increase the incidental exercise.

This weekend i am planning to get into the baking...gonna make a big lot of lasagne (from STGTBT books) and mite even make some scrolls which i havent had in forever.

Work is relatively quiet today (touch wood) so hopefully it continues to be a good day...when i get home tonite im putting a colour thru my hair need to cover a couple of grey hairs that are peeking out LOL

Okies not much else going on...back to the grindstone...enjoy =]

Thinking...

Well i am moving bedrooms this weekend...my neighbours are driving me nuts ! I am not sure if they are incredibly loud or just my previous neighbour was incredibly quiet. I never use to hear my old neighbour...it was bliss...these ones i hear the snoring...i can hear them talking in the bedroom in the morning...and last nite they were outside about 10pm at night talking...and i was in my bedroom which is on the first floor and i could hear them ... they were loud enough that id been asleep and it woke me up. So thats this weekends task to move the bedrooms around.

Last nite was in chat and was asked if i am going to this girls nite on friday nite...i was like no (jsut paid my $480 electricity bill - eek) and it was the first time id said no to going out...and i think that i need to get thru my head that its ok to sometimes say no.

Ive been thinking a lot about the weight loss thing...and have come to the conclusion that fernwoods way is a diet not a lifestyle. I said the other week to her...this plan is very restrictive...and she agreed and then said but it needs to be or you wont lose. And i understand what shes saying but i think its TOO restrictive. I went to sparkpeople.com yesterday and they say i should be eating 1800-2200 calories per day, the plan fernwood has me on is 1700 calories. Now I think there plan has a lot of pluses about it and i have eaten more vegetables on a daily basis then ever before and my carb proprtions are at a good level (not excessive like before) but i suspect i need more protein. I am thinking maybe i need to take what theyve taught me about food groups etc (something i never focussed on before) and use that in conjunction with ww. Whilst I wanna do that I am also worried about the reaction of fernwood....i know the next time i walk into fernwood and see eve shes gonna be on to me to find out when i am seeing her next. So thats a lil concern but when I go back I will prolly book a time to see Hannah who does all the membership stuff to organise my second PT session a week for 10 weeks and maybe speak to her about it all. I think possibly when I am down around 100 kilos the fernwood eating plan would make sense but not right now...i really need to be focussing on "its a lifestyle" They have a meeting at 7pm on monday nites (which i could make 5 out of 7 weeks) and the other 2 weeks...i could try and organise a shiftswap or at the very least make it one out of them at the tuesday morning session. Or i could just follow the ww plan on my own and see even to be weighed and measured...only problem with that is i feel like im "cheating on her" if you get my drift. So as you can see weight loss isnt about to fall by the way side...its actually getting a lot of thought and i really want 2009 the year that really makes the difference.

Okies not much else to say !


***********************************

I was reading Joamys journal today and she had posted her first ever entry...so I was curious went back to my first entries (august 06 when i first seriously joined ww) and i noticed a couple of things...firstly i was eating well...my food was 100% and i was drinking my water...but i was having treats...there was mention of ww desserts and fruit muffins...but i was having BIG losses (as high as 3.5 kilos per week) so obviously my body has the ability to lose...it also convinces me more that ww is the way to go...i was embracing "lifestyle" i was still fitting in work functions and the odd nite out at the pub...so i think in the new year thats the first thing...more then anything...i need to not do "fernwoods diet" and instead do "wws lifestyle" I was also baking more...utilising the STGTBT books...which i havent recently so thats the other thing and increase my activity. For xmas my mum always gives me money...ive been thinking what to spend it on and am divided...one half says use it to go get fitted for new gym shoes...the other half of me says go buy a bicycle with it...decisions decisions...i never had a bike as a kid...my mum refused to buy me one as she said i was too dangerous on them...id love to get one...but worried about injuring myself....so will have to give that some more thought.

Tanias comments to my post a few days back got me thinking. Saw it when I got home from work tonite...grabbed my slimming & health magazine...and went for a soak in a tub. The magazine anyway had a story about "tough love" with yourself. It got me thinking,,,maybe i am simply feeling sorry for myself? And maybe my self talk has fallen by the way side? When I first started ww i did a lot of self talk to get my head in the right place. And at the time it worked. Now suddenly I am getting stuff I want but i am still not happy???? I have been completely focussed lately on going back so my solitude life would be the easy option...but why is that even coming up as a option? Its time to change my thinking....time to stop questioning what I am doing...and just DO

For the remainder of this month without the gym...im simply gonna stick to being healthy and hopefully returning back to the gym at the same weight. Its time to get a old fashioned diary and keeping a diligent record of my food and exercise. Its time to set some goals...weight and non weight ones. I also need to talk to my dietician....when i went in the other week i said i wanted to weigh in more then once a month that i needed the accountability and she said we will go to weighing fortnightly....but when I go back i need to tell her i want to be weighed once a week. I need to take the option of going back to my old lifestyle out of the occassion. I mean lets admit it life is pretty damn good at the moment...i have friends...i have a actual social life...work is going fine...and a new year is only a month away....nearly time for more new beginnings...new goals. I need to be consistent with setting monthly goals as well as some longer term goals. Was funny I wrote this post last nite and had thought of some things i wanna achieve and saw jaxxs journal and saw some the same as she has added to her journal (specifically the 500 grams per week to lose 26 kilos) So i will work on that later and add over the next few days.

Feel quite good today...work has now managed to give me 4 days off over xmas...im over my moodiness about xmas. I am planning to have a "L word" day on xmas day...just sit down and watch all 3 series I have and it kinda works good having the 4 days off cos its a bit of a pain getting to work from mums house.

Okies not much else going on..byessssss

Went to the feast picnic yesterday and had a nice day, altho I am sunburnt...specially on my foot - ouch!

I sent a email off to the gym yesterday telling them i want to suspend my membership for the month of december. I feel quite blah about it and dont have the same level of enthusiasm I had a few months ago,,,,maybe its the time of the year??? Or maybe its just me being me lol The thing is also the gym is closed quite a few days this month or on restricted times it seems silly to pay...and this way I will have a real break that will hopefully regenerate my enthusiasm. When I go back in January the plan is to do two PT sessions a week for 10 weeks and really kick start the losses. The other thing I wonder about is the meal plan...its 1700 calories (or is that kilojoules) im pretty sure i should be having around 2000 per day so i wonder if thats led me to finding it lately quite restrictive...what i need to do is sit down and do a bit of research. The thing is if i modify there plan at all..i feel guilty when i hand in my food diary each week. I even wonder if maybe i should just follow ww taking into account of eating the right food groups...cos at least that way u are eating the right amount for your weight. So my thought is maybe get ww online but the etools but go to the gym for weigh ins...its a thought....

Yesterday was a good relaxing day. I enjoyed it...lots of people watching. Friday nite there is a girls dance in the city which I am debating going. Of course the golden dance is the week after so i have another golden dance coming up...but this weekend is CLEAN UP weekend...my house needs a good clean...good dust n all that crap. I now also have 4 days off over xmas...im now starting to look forward to 4 days of downtime. Thing xmas day mite turn into a major dvd watching day LOL. I saw at darrall leas they have mini xmas puddings for one person...so think I will prolly pick one of them up closer to the day and prolly on xmas eve just pick up a roast chicken (they have mexican flavoured ones at my local chicken shop) with some salads...at least i wont be tempted this year to nibble on crap ! LOL

Logic vs Self Perception

Ive always thought I am a pretty logoical person..a realist even...and I am, in the moments where I am alone and just think...or when a friend comes to me with a question or for advice...I can see the logical and sensible thing to do....so why don't I do it when it comes to myself????

This last week has be the accumulation of a gathering of so much info and carryon in my head. I have discovered living a "hermit" lifestyle... for me at least is easy. I did it for so many years I lost count, you don't have to worry about what to wear, you don't have to put thought to do my legs need a shave, you don't have to worry about being rejected, or being the wallflower...or just thinking wtf am I doing here...I dont belong here. Its nice...its easy...its not drama filled and generally costs you nothing (well I guess except ultimate happiness) As I have said on previous posts throwing myself into a social life like I have over the last few months has done my head in, in some ways. Logically I hear my friends tell me that I am a good person, that people like being around me, that I have friends....but my self perception side questions why on earth anyone would want to be involved with me...when will my friends finally click and stop inviting me out...when there is all the other people in the world why on earth would someone pick me to be with??? Now this isnt a post for a pile of people to comment and go "oh your wonderful kazz blah blah blah" I truly have so much going on in my head at the moment and feel I need to get this down in writing and then maybe I will start to make some sense of things.

I am lonely. No denying it. And its only the last few weeks i have realised this and the only time in my entire adult life I have ever admitted this. FInding a partner was initially a huge part of me commencing this weight loss journey....when i am hermitting myself ... i can sit there and think yes at goal i am going to meet this wonderful girl who is going to look at me and be astounded that someone could be as slim, and wonderful as I am and sweep me off my feet (all said with tongue in cheek lol) then there is the fact that i have thrown myself into my social life...no im not at goal weight...and of course no one has landed on my doormat saying they are here to sweep me off my feet. But I think now that I have stepped into this social life there is the realisation that what my ultimate goal for my weight loss has been may never happen. I may never meet someone who I can feel at peace with and simply love. And so when I have those moments of clarity when I think about this it ultimately leads me too wtf am i doing this then???? Now of course there is my health, but despite however much I weigh I am pretty healthy and have no major health dramas. Truly right at this moment I dont think I am in the complete and correct headspace place to lose the weight successfully.

Do I need counselling? I suspect yes...but at the same time I am terrified of that. Terrified of walking into a office and sitting down...and how do I go about that first sentance with this person I dont know...I have a mother who when I mentioned counselling to her said...and how is talking going to help you to lose weight...to be honest i have a mother who really knows nothing about what goes on inside of me...and to be honest that pisses me off...pisses me off that she chose not to believe certain things that happened in my past, and pisses me off that she allows herself to be influenced so much by people around her that she cant bear to hear the words "this girl i dated".

I am planning to cancel my gym sessions this week. Part of me feels i am wasting theres and my time. I know Im not in the right head space and something has to change. And I am divided on this. Part of me thinks the answer is to get some counselling and having a chat to my doctor...part of me thinks i should throw the social life in...and part of me thinks i need to just go sit in a corner and let all this stuff filling my head to just fall out and start afresh. I want it all tho, i want the weight loss, i want the social life, i want the gf, and i want that life were im just damn happy and have everything going for me....geeez im not asking for that much ;) anyway i need to get this all down...i need to sort this chit out in my head and i know me and know writing it down is the way to do it so bare with me this week as i do this.

This week as I mentioned the other day another friend is leaving work....am I bummed about this ? You betcha ! I have concerns about the environment I work in...concerns that I can go to work on a daily basis and be in a positive environment where I can have the odd laugh/joke.

PS for the person who asked what is STGTBT .... they are a series of cookbooks called "symply too good to be true" that can befound at australian newsagents that have some fabulous low fat recipes.

Blah days

Well its been a couple of blah days altho im starting to feel a bit better and put things in the right perspective in my head.

So whats been going on? Firstly...about 8 weeks ago my friend Ryan left work to go work in the city...NOW jaimee has gone and got a position at the same place. Her last day is next friday, so yesterday she told me that. She came in this morning said something about it...i held up my hand and said hush we are not discussing this today lol then i had planned out my xmas. The last couple of xmas's i have applied for leave...last year they said to me "you had last year off cant guarantee you will get this year off" anyway so i decided to not put in for leave and to work it. My sister and her family will be in streaky bay anyway i told my mum u go over there...and she only would if i would look after their dogs...now work has turned around and given me the day off (3 days off in fact) so i am now stuck at home alone for xmas...its not the end of the world but of course it is kinda sucky....yesterday i was completely pissed off about it...but tonite i am feeling better. Im a adult...its not really that big a deal...its not like im expecting santa to come down the chimney.

Weight loss all is going well...went to the dietician today....she went thru 2 of my STGTBT books and we picked out recipes i can have and she made some amendments to some. She also weighed me and the scales dropped by another kilo...so all progressing in the right direction and i had THREE compliments in the last two days. Yesterday david said...you've lost weight since you've been going to the gym havent u? And when i said yes he said yeh u can tell...then today im sitting at my desk and jaimee turned around and said "u are getting so much smaller" and thirdly lindsay one of the managers said are u still going to the gym? i said yeh...and she said yeh u can tell =] so all 3 were nice. The good thing is I am noticing it too...I just feel smaller...hard to pinpoint how...but i am just feeling it...altho i looked at a window in a shop today and thought...gawd what a huge ass ! lol

One of the girls I met from the speed dating messaged me the other nite =] And also Ange the girl I have spotted and like altho she doesnt have access to sending messages on pink sofa only generic "smiles" sent me a smile the other nite. She is going to the picnic on sunday so with luck Ill get a chance to talk to her.

Oh and anyone who reads my journal and has facebook if u wanna add me feel free as most of my pics etc are stored on there...my email addy for it is princesskaryn@optusnet.com.au

Off for some sleep


ni ni all =]

Just a quickie ;)

Just a super short update as I am not well and about to head off to bed. But some exciting news. When I went back to fernwood in august I weighed...153.7 by my scales...today when i weighed i was 143.8...just 100 grams of 10 kilos...and 27.1 kilos yay...im very happy...enjoy all

A calming feeling...

I have posted several times here...and made startling decisions about "chat" (yes that evil again lol) I have been going in again...for a while...has been no big drama...i havent felt its caused me any real issues...hasnt distracted me from my goals...and because my social life has taken off its really not been that big of a issue. Earlier this year someone I had known for many years started to chat to me...all was fine till i saw her psychotic temper...i ended things then. Ever since then every couple of months she makes a reappearance...puts on a display of her nasty temper which i ignore then she disappears for a few months. Well she came back again over the weekend...following a coversation with someone who told them I had mentioned their name UGH i mean people seriously think before you speak !!! Anyway after the last tirade i thought enoughs enough. I dont need this...its not a issue of i need to break a habit or my weight loss journey will stuff up...its just the final thing that makes me say chat is no longer fun. I do know the person who opened their mouth does read this journal...so I may make it private...will see. But to be honest this isnt all said with anger or aggression...i thought about it last nite...and was like wow i feel so calm...its like the calm after the storm ... not before it lol

Today I jumped on the scales and died of shock. I have this weight (ok its 145 kilos) and i always tell jaimee at work its like i have some psychological block...soon as i get near it ... i do some damage...well yesterday afternoon for some crazy reason i got on my scales (never normally do it that time of day) think i only did it cos i was running a bath and so bored while it was filling up LOL...anyway jumped on them and it said 144.7...so i jumped off and jumped back on...still 144.7 was like OMFG...gawd hope it lasts till the morning lol...then this morning i got on them 144.4 ! thats 900 grams I was down from the previous day...im so stoked and i would really like to get under 144 by the weekend so i am clear of that dreaded 145 weight but we will wait and see if that happens.

I am wearing one of my new tops today...i bought it about a month ago...fitted across my bust/shoulders but too tight around the hips...tried it on saturday and while still firm fitting around my stomach already starting to fall off my shoulders so thought id bettr start wearing it.

So far no huge plans for this weekend. The picnic is on sunday...so will probably go to that .. hopefully its nice weather without being too hot (last year was like 38 on the day of the picnic and way too hot) The rest of the weekend may be relatively quiet if no plans arise mite just catch a movie saturday arvo. The following two weekends there is a girls dance each nite so will prolly go to both.

Went to the gym for a PT session this morning. As i left she said ill see u during the week...i musta been slow in my response...cos she turned around and said "don't make me nag you" lol

Oh and I have a new fave food thing...grainy bread toasted with sliced tomato and some low fat feta cheese sprinkled on it. Got it for lunch today...cant wait yum yum!

So Very Happy :)

Well the weekend is slowly drawing to a close and have to admit its been a lovely weekend ! Lets see...Friday night I went to speed dating...in all honesty I didnt wanna go and if I hadnt made plans with felicity or bought the ticket already I wouldnt have gone. But I went and it was a interesting night (definitely the key to this nite is alcohol lol) I didnt drink heaps...but enuff to keep me "loosened up" so between 7pm and about 11.30pm I drank 3 glasses of champagne...I didnt think that was too bad. There were a few nice girls but none that I thought...man i want her...anyways afterwards I ran into a couple of friends...so i went with them to the wheaty (local lesbian hangout pub), felicity was also there...but whilst we are friends we also have our own friends...so we went our own ways...it was a nice time...just sitting around chatting...then one of the girls bought out this platter of food -eek ! Was full of chicken, cheeses, cold meats etc...but i didnt have one thing of it ! OMG i was so proud ! Even with alcohol in me I kept my focus. I got home about 12.15am. Saturday morning i woke with a slight hangover LOL now lately when ive had a hangover ive been saying...right i NEED fatty food...but not this time...i went and had one of my slim shakes instead (its full of LOTS of different vitamins and minerals) and so while i didnt gym it..by lunch time i was feeling all good and ready to get on with the day - which included seeing my sister and her family. We had a nice time...i watched a lil rug rats cartoon and had some education that the cat in the hat in the cat and the hat movie is not a real cat and not all cats like milk yanno ! LOL shes too cute for words. Then for dinner my brother in law ducked out to get us fasta pasta...now last time my sister was down...we had fasta pasta too and i had monte carlo (cream based pasta dish) but i thought nope....and so i ordered lasagne...it was a large serving...but very lil cheese on it (not sure if there was even any apart from my parmessan cheese) so i felt very good....and quite accomplished cos I had got thru a few social things without going off track. Today has been very relaxing...sleeping in (prolly woulda slept in longer if my new neighbours hadnt made so much noise) This afternoon I am just doing washing and watching sex and the city episodes...very nice and relaxing. Tomorrow morning i have another PT session at 8am.

Oh and heres something too...last nite im online chatting to a friend, one of the friends i go out with...anyway she had just ended up involvement with another girl and we were chatting about relationships and why we are single...and suddenly she turns around and said she had considered asking ME out when we first met LOL but she is only 29 so was concerned about the age difference...wow i was considered ... i was amazed i truly sit there and think WHY would someone wanna be with me....dont get me wrong and its not me wanting people to sit here and go oh kazz you have so much to offere blah blah but my head just doesnt get that...altho i think that thinking is slowly breaking down...i do realise i am a good person and have plenty of reasons why someone would want to be with me...logically i know that...but i guess insecurities, slef doubt and fear of rejection prolly makes me put up walls sometimes and that if i reject myself then its easier then if someone else does it if that makes sense (altho of course i realise we all get rejected and i need to put myself out there lol) okies enuff blabbing off to put some music on for a bit and have a dance around the house ;) before i sit down and watch some more sex n the city

TGIF !!!!!

Everytime I have gone to leave a post lately I have been short of time and really not leaving the full post I had wanted to leave...so here we go !

The last several weeks ive been a lil confused, lemme explain. As most know until a few months ago for prolly the last 10 years I have lived a very hermit type lifestyle...i have lived alone, with very limited friends or interests. My days pretty much consisted of work, eat, tv/computer,sleep. Now all this time i KNEW i wasnt really living...i was only existing...and i knew i needed more in my life but it was very hard to work out for me how to go and get that. Because of this fact...i had a very stable emotional state...no highs no lows...just very stable and lets face it boring. Then i went to the golden dance a few months ago...as I mentioned at the time this nite blew me away...since ang and then mel i have not had any physical attention...so to suddenly have a woman grab my hand and hold it while walking to the dance floor and then dance in her arms blew me away, to not sit at the table like a wall flower but to be up dancing and chatting to different people...laughing and wishing the nite would go on and on was all incredibly knew to me....it was definitely a nite where my emotional side was peaking with happiness, then only a week later i had a weekend at home and i was moody i couldnt work out why then in a post tania pinpointed it that maybe i was realising i was lonely. That made complete sense to me and i know believe i have been getting lonely...so of course when this is occuring my emotional moods drop leading me to have this rollercoaster of emotions....something that is prolly quite normal for others but something over the last 10 years or so i havent encountered. My dieticians words about not letting my social life interfere with my goals was entrenched in my head as well. So i was stuck...maybe i should give up on the social life for a while...and as i was going out more and more especially over the last few weeks it was doing my head in more....and i was having some days of being on track some days of being terrible. I was at a point where I was thinking maybe i should let the gym etc go and just have fun...but I knew if i did this id be at 170+ kilos before i knew it. Anyways early this week I booked in for a session with my dietician...i knew if that went well id prolly get back on track. Right before the session with my dietician i did the PT session with my trainer for boxing and i LOVED IT...i really loved it...altho i did have a dizzy spell towards the end (thats not uncommon for me tho) and since i had that session more then ever its motivated me...and im determined to do at least 10 weeks of boxing...i told Fiona i would start in the new year...id really like to start now...but a big electricity bill etc is preventing this :) Anyway then i went and saw eve...we ended up running 15 minutes over - oops ! And i told her where my head is at...first thing she said was do NOT give up the social life...she thinks its important for me and i agree...she then said one nite per week to have a meal thats not a plan...to choose a healthy option but i dont have to measure out my carbs and protein etc and the other thing was for me to bring in my STGTBT books and for her to go thru them so we can work out which recipes i can have on the program. The other thing is i posted on the ww site, and one suggestion someone made was look at that time alone as "me time" ive always heard people say about this but i had PLENTY of me time so i never had to think of it specifically...but that is something i am going to do. So this weekend...i have speed dating tonite (pls pray i do not make a fool of myself) gym in the morning (if im brave enuff i am going to try body pump!), tomorrow afternoon i am going to spend it with my sister and her family and then sunday its ME TIME. I am planning to sleep in...do the washing thruout the day whilst watching some sex and the city, having a leisurable bath, and playing on the computer a lil bit plus some VERY overdue housework. So i feel much more in focussed...i feel i have established ways to tackle this.

OH and on to other things. I think i mentioned i have my eye on someone? I was asked several weeks ago what i thought of someone...i was like who? i dont remember them....then last friday nite....she was at the pub...we were introduced and altho she sat away from me...i THINK i saw her smiling at me a few times. Anyways a few nites ago i asked a friend of hers if shes single...shes like yeh why who wants to know? i was like ummmm no one....but.....she has a cute smile...my friend laughed and we talked a lil about her ;) anyway my friend was like okies at the dance we will have to sit u two next to each other and i was like...well i suck at small talk and trying to chat a woman up....and my friend was like well when we go out for a smoke...you come too so u can chat to her in a small group environment lol....so mite have to try and put my flirting skills to work ! Oh and did i mention her name? ummm yeh its ange (wonder if thats a omen at all?)

Okies off for a weekend .... have a good one all !

Another photo

Well just got home from the gym, have about 10 minutes then i gotta go get organised for work. Was good at the gym tho...i did a PT session in boxing...phew what a work out...my trainer said tho i picked it up really quickly....some of the stuff she said it takes people up to 4 weeks to learn and i was doing them in my first session lol...having done dance for so long as a kid means i can pick up movement and steps easily. Anyway the session was fun...i did get dizzy at the end....but boy i worked hard so i think definitely in thenew year i will buy a block of 10 boxing classes. Then I went to see the dietician we talked for about 10 minutes...we decided to change a few meal options. Next week i am going to take my STGTBT books in too and shes gonna go thru them with me so i can work out which recipes i can make that fit into my plan. The other thing she said is once a week to have a meal that is healthy but not restrictive to my plan. We also discussed my issues about my social life....she said definitely dont stop that...she thinks it is important but i just need to work consistently on balancing it out. Okies off I go ! Oh and heres another photo...its from the ofest day we had at work recently...its me an my friend jaimee...we were able to order up to 20 prints FREE so i have ordered this one



Oh and wish me luck....going speed dating tomorrow nite and spending saturday arvo with sis and niece and nephews and sunday having a me day at home - roll on the weekend ! byesssssssssssssssssssssssss

Went to the gym this morning. Did my PT session which all went well. The made a appointment with my dietician for thursday after my PT session. I did briefly talk to her and told her i think i need to be weighed more often and need some accountability and she told me she had been thinking the same thing. Also overnight I have been doing a lot of thinking about my social life and my weight loss journey. All these nites out with drinking etc...is becoming too costly as well as affecting my weight loss journey. Going out for dinner or for coffee isnt a issue cos lets be honest I can always make a good decision. But these nites of drinking need to be restricted...at the most I am going to go out once a week, no more. Whilst yes I am single and yes I should be living my life blah blah blah it does throw my focus off and hell it ends up costing as well. So its one nite per week maximum...id prefer it to be once a fortnight...but we will see how i go.

Okies just a quick post...wanted to get this down in writing

Another weekend over

Well one day off sucks..which is what i have this weekend...only today off...back into it all tomorrow...sigh.

Went out friday and saturday night. Friday was great fun...there was about 20 girls...in this cosy lil pub...sitting around with a glass of champagne and chatting ;) This bunch of girls are really nice...i had quite a indepth chat to one of the girls (gf of a friend) about the whole butch/femme dynamic in the lesbian community which I found really interesting. There was also another girl there who I must say was cute...she seemed kinda shy...but cute all the same. Which its had me thinking today that I have never really persued someone...i had two fellas when i was younger...one persued me the other i just had a major crush on n i am surprised we ever went out lol. Ive only been with two girls...ang and mel (guess i should break the news this girls name is ang TOO) i knew my old ang for so long that by the time...i knew i was interested i already knew she thought highly off me...so while i did persue her...i prolly knew i wasnt going to be rejected...and mel chased me so I have never really put myself out there. I said to one friend last nite...so ummmm is ang single? And she was like yes whose asking to which i whistled and said...ummm no one LOL Saturday night i went to the feast opening...but i didnt enjoy it that much...there was no seating (my feet were killing me), one bar only and took 20 minutes to get a drink, was too noisy couldnt talk to people you were with...just not my cup of tea and so not surprisingly i was home by 9.30pm ! LOL

SInce i hurt my ankle my weight loss has taken a back seat. I weighed myself this morning and i am 100 grams up...now its time to stop talking about it and start getting back into it...i dont even have my next dietician session booked...so enuff is enuff. Tomorrow i have a 8am PT session and i also have one on thursday (doing a boxing session) i will also go on saturday morning...so this week ... minimum of 3 times and back following the plan.

Not a lot else to say...have a good sunday all

The weekend is nearly here !

I tell you life is so busy and full lately. Today at work we had a "career expo" day which was going to sessions (in work time) on different areas of the company and also one on resume writing. So ive got lots of hints for my resume and a template for one and a cover letter. I also went and spoke to some people in mobile retention, and project management...all very interesting. SO today went by really fast. Tonite i went shopping after work....lots of fresh fruit n veges in the house again thankfully.

This week is turning out to be busy. Saturday I am working 9am-5pm. Tomorrow nite i am meeting some of the girls at the wheaty for a couple of glasses of champers but that will be a early night. Saturday night will be a BIG nite...its opening night for feast and after the parade i am going to the after party. So am meeting up with felicity and i plan to complete run a muck. Sunday I am putting aside purely for recovering LOL

Oh and i got a shift swap for the speed dating ! So yes next friday i willbe doing that and on the saturday my sister is down so will be catching up with her.

The ankle is still hurting me...not so much to walk on im walking normally but a constant muscle achee and the annoying thing of course i cant use antiflammatories on it ive just started using deep heat so hopefully that will help. Okies im off...have a good weekend all...i sure am gonna ;)

Speed dating, boxing & some other stuff.

Well I think I have a lot to say lets see how this goes..lol...

Went to the gym today and did a Pt session my ankle is a lil sore tonight but not too bad but of course that was doing weights so controlled exercise...will rest still for a few more days and then really get back into everything. While doing my session my PT trainers says "eve tells me u wanna do boxing or is it eve wanting you to do boxing?" i said,,,,,yeh its more eve....right now with my big electricity bill ($480) plus christmas and my melbourne trip around the corner i cant really afford to do a extra PT session per week till january..so she said i have a couple of spare PT sessions so for at the least next 2 weeks im gonna do a second PT session which will be boxing to give me a try at it and see if I wanna do it in the new year. But as I said to her more then anything i just need to start doing classes (body punp and body balance they also have a new flexibility class id like to do too) so as off next week i am really getting stuck into it by then my foot should be fine too.

Felicity sent me a message on face book saying we MUST do speed dating lol...i was like what??????????? are u crazy????????????? but anyway they are having a lesbian speed dating as part of feast on nov 21...it starts at 7pm and i am suppose to be working till 8pm but if i can get a shift swap gawd forbid we are gonna go and do it LOL. This weekend is turning out to be quite busy too...friday nite i believe i am going to the wheaty to hang with some friends in the beer garden (will be a early nite as i have to work at 9am) and then saturday night is opening night for feast ! omg that should be so much fun...ive never been before but am meeting up with felicity after work then we will going to the after party as well where my boi ryan is going to be at as well ! Cant believe he has been gone 5 bloomin weeks already will be good to catch up with him.

I went to target today..bought two new books...one is shapelle corbys book and the other is about a kid who organises to kill his dad and ends up on death row and is about how his dad forgives him...i also bought the extended version of sex in the city so tomorrow nite will sit down and watch that (ive been watching series one and two over the last few nights) The other aim of tonight/tomorrow is to finish reading fattitude.

My other thing on my brain is my social life vs my weight loss journey. MY dieticians talk about not letting my social life interfere with my goals is still ringing in my ears. So i need to be careful about this...i think friday night i wont drink...saturday night ill have a couple just to loosen up but thats it. Ill prolly be dancing and walking around all night so prolly will balance each other out.

Okies off to watch another episode of sex in the city before heading to bed...ni ni all =]

Well its sunday today,,,my friday...come 8pm tonight I am off work for 2 days...YAY. My ankle is healing nicely and I have a delightly bruise on my knee. But I am at last walking without limping...I am going back to the gym tomorrow for a PT session and will see how it copes with that. I am missing the gym tho...as I have said in the past...walking into the gym does something to my motivation levels...the fact I havent been there in over a week and that its that TOM has left me for a day or so feeling very blah. I know tho give it another day or so and once I have been back to the gym I will be feeling focused again. Not that I have pigged out or anything I have still been eating very well. I do cheat tho...sometimes I eat something I shouldnt and sometimes I dont eat everything that I should ! And its something I really need to focus on. My "miscellaneous"snack after dinner which should be a handful of nuts I havent been having lately..and not all my fruit either so I really have to pick up on that. Okies back to work not a lot else to say ;)

Thursday & Fridays tracking

Thursday (not a great day!)
b - slim shake
s - ?
l - hamburger
s - ?
d - baked potato

Friday
b - 3 weetbix & milk
s -
l - multigrain roll with chicken and salad
s - hot chocolate + banana
d - tuna pasta

What the hell next???

Well yes the layout is back to the boring old black one as it seems the bandwidth for the image on the old one (hosted by whoever i had the layout from) has exceeded, so temporarily its back to this layout.

I am sittin here in amazement for how this week has panned out. Sunday I sat here posting im gonna do all this exercise and go to classes and i havent been ONCE. Okies heres the story to give u all some light entertainment ;)

Friday i hurt my back while out shopping which is such a dicky thing to do anyway. So i am using voltran cream on my back. I have a ulcer so im not allowed anything with ibuprofen in it...the cream has ibuprofen in it but as im not digesting it im thinking its fine. I put some on my back last nite within 40 minutes im in imense pain and on the phone for a ambulance (doctor has told me in the past call a ambulance when i get these attacks) so in the ambulance they give me this gas stuff thru a pipe but im like nooo its making it worse...so after 5 minutes i stop taking it...i get to the hospital and of course its melbourne cup day and the waiting room is filled with people who have injured themselves while drunk...some are abusive...one guy is out cold. It was a pure joyful experience (take note of my tongue in cheek when i say that)after 90 minutes and still no doctor seeing me (the guy sitting next to me had had a mild stroke and he wasnt getting in to see a doc either !) i go up to the counter and say how long...only to have the worst dizzy spell and feeling like im going to throw up....so finally they get me on a bed. By this time tho the pain has minimised (prolly due to the pipe the ambulance guy gave me) so then its like 1am and finally they give me my discharge letter and im thinking thank gawd i jsut wanna go home and crawl into bed. So i go call for a taxi...am busting for the loo...go do my business and go to walk out and wat happens (remember i was kinda high from that gas stuff lol - well thats my excuse and im sticking to it !)theres water on the floor i slip and come down on their damn concrete tiles on my ankle and knee ! i some how manage to get up and think gawd should i go see the doc? but by this point im sick of the hospital and just want home...so home i came my knee is bruised and my ankle looks like theres a huge egg stuck to it LOL it is feeling a bit better tonite not throbbing so mcuh. SO its a few days of relaxing for me. I had to go down the shop today (5 minute walk) i swear it took me 40 minutes with my limping LOL. I did do as my dietician said and made a new recipe tonite ! omg so nice ! its out of the biggest loser cookbook...it was spinich and bacon fried....then u add 1 teaspoon of oil, 2 table spoons of lemon juice, lemon rind, some chilli, garlic, capers and i also sprinkled a lil low fat feta cheese over it and had it over pasta....was so damn yummi. Okies my mobile phone just rang and its downstairs ! GAWD !!!!

okies heres todays tracker


b - 3 weetbix with milk and honey
s - slim shake
l - baked potato with ham, low fat sour cream, low fat cheese, pineapple and chives
s - ?
d - bacon and spinich pasta


OKies im off to watch tv...fingers crossed i stay safe ! LOL

Tuesdays tracking

b - 3 weetbix with milk
s- slim shake and banana
l - multigrain roll with chicken and mayo + small tin of peaches
s - small tin of peaches
d - chicken salad with pasta and low fat fetta cheese

Todays tracking:

b - 3 weetbix, milk and a banana
s - slim shake and banana
l - multigrain roll with chicken and mayo
s - hot chocolate and banana
d - spaghetti bolognaise
s -

Re-priortising

Just noticed my last post was my 400th post....but on to other things....

After some lengthy discussions with myself over the last 2 weeks and a lengthy discussion with my dietician yesterday,,,,its time for a few changes =] Firstly its time to re-priortise some things...now dont get me wrong i love that my social life is starting to take off...but i need to balance things out...i need to realise there are two things which are a top priority one is work the other is this weight loss journey, after that comes my social life, travel and the rest. But as long as I get the first two in place then all other things will follow ! In the last two weeks I have become a lil complacent, I havent been eating all my fruit...and have gone off track a lil. Yesterday was weigh in and measuring day,,,,i lost 2.2 kilos... .4% body fat and some measurements went down while others increased. Im not to phased about it in all honesty i didnt deserve great results...but as my dietician pointed out from where i started to where i am now ive achieved results which are definitely on the high side (in 11 weeks i have lost 5 centimetres of my hips for instance...and not only is that a hard place to lose from its also the part of your body that can dictate a lot of your health issues) so I am impressed with myself...but lets be honest I could have done better. So the first 11 weeks was the introductory as far as I am concerned...its time to rev things up. First thing....i need to start tracking daily....and so I will be posting daily to track my food at the end of each day. Secondly I need to change the food a lil...im gonna cut down on bananas (whilst i love them 3-4 a day for 11 weeks im a lil over them) so i am going to change them to tinned pineapple (in natural juice of course), stewed apples and strawberries. I am also gonna start having baked potatoes for lunch on my day off and am going to make one new recipe per week. Okies so thats the changes on the food side...now for the exercise....its REALLY time to up this. First thing the gym has coincidently starting yesterday a challenge of 50 classes between now and december 22... i wont meet that but ill register and go for it. I am also going to do 30 minutes of exercise morning and night. I will be starting this as off tomorrow (hurt my back on friday but should be fine by tomorrow) I am going to make myself attend classes....i wanna do body pump and body balance...and theres a new class on flexibility will try and attend that one when i can....when i cant make the gym it will be either a 30 minute walk or the biggest loser DVD. I am also considering doing a additional PT session of boxing for 10 weeks (still sussing out the finances on that lol) as long as i can afford it i will do that also. Whilst i wouldnt been at my goal weight in all honest i could be close to 100 kilos by mid 2010 if i follow this...if i dont...well maybe ill reach 130 kilos by then....the choice is mine.

Onto other things....at work they have me working on a project....a power point presentation which i think is a big deal...so far so good...hopefully they will like it and give me opportunities to do more things like this.

As to the back...i hurt it shopping lol pathetic huh? lol But while out shopping i did spend (got a $300 gift voucher) bought a pair of jeans, 2 pairs of 3/4 pants, 2 shirts and 3 pretty tops, a pair of shoes (which need to be returned), a pair of sunglasses, series 5 of Beverly hills 90210 and the biggest loser cookbook. I need to find some decent sandals that are suitable for work. Some of the clothes fit me...some i need to lose a lil weight to fit into...ill try them on again in 2 weeks and see how we go then. Okies enuff rambling....off to watch some more of BH90210 lol byessssssssssssss



Tracking:
b - 3 weetbix with banana and milk
s - slim shake
l - multigrain roll with chicken and mayo and 3 pineapple rings with juice
s - 3/4 cup of stewed apples
d - chicken in light evap milk with spinich, semi dried tomatos, onion over 1 cup raw pasta (cooked)
s - small handful of nuts and seeds