Friday, November 21, 2008

TGIF !!!!!

Everytime I have gone to leave a post lately I have been short of time and really not leaving the full post I had wanted to leave...so here we go !

The last several weeks ive been a lil confused, lemme explain. As most know until a few months ago for prolly the last 10 years I have lived a very hermit type lifestyle...i have lived alone, with very limited friends or interests. My days pretty much consisted of work, eat, tv/computer,sleep. Now all this time i KNEW i wasnt really living...i was only existing...and i knew i needed more in my life but it was very hard to work out for me how to go and get that. Because of this fact...i had a very stable emotional state...no highs no lows...just very stable and lets face it boring. Then i went to the golden dance a few months ago...as I mentioned at the time this nite blew me away...since ang and then mel i have not had any physical attention...so to suddenly have a woman grab my hand and hold it while walking to the dance floor and then dance in her arms blew me away, to not sit at the table like a wall flower but to be up dancing and chatting to different people...laughing and wishing the nite would go on and on was all incredibly knew to me....it was definitely a nite where my emotional side was peaking with happiness, then only a week later i had a weekend at home and i was moody i couldnt work out why then in a post tania pinpointed it that maybe i was realising i was lonely. That made complete sense to me and i know believe i have been getting lonely...so of course when this is occuring my emotional moods drop leading me to have this rollercoaster of emotions....something that is prolly quite normal for others but something over the last 10 years or so i havent encountered. My dieticians words about not letting my social life interfere with my goals was entrenched in my head as well. So i was stuck...maybe i should give up on the social life for a while...and as i was going out more and more especially over the last few weeks it was doing my head in more....and i was having some days of being on track some days of being terrible. I was at a point where I was thinking maybe i should let the gym etc go and just have fun...but I knew if i did this id be at 170+ kilos before i knew it. Anyways early this week I booked in for a session with my dietician...i knew if that went well id prolly get back on track. Right before the session with my dietician i did the PT session with my trainer for boxing and i LOVED IT...i really loved it...altho i did have a dizzy spell towards the end (thats not uncommon for me tho) and since i had that session more then ever its motivated me...and im determined to do at least 10 weeks of boxing...i told Fiona i would start in the new year...id really like to start now...but a big electricity bill etc is preventing this :) Anyway then i went and saw eve...we ended up running 15 minutes over - oops ! And i told her where my head is at...first thing she said was do NOT give up the social life...she thinks its important for me and i agree...she then said one nite per week to have a meal thats not a plan...to choose a healthy option but i dont have to measure out my carbs and protein etc and the other thing was for me to bring in my STGTBT books and for her to go thru them so we can work out which recipes i can have on the program. The other thing is i posted on the ww site, and one suggestion someone made was look at that time alone as "me time" ive always heard people say about this but i had PLENTY of me time so i never had to think of it specifically...but that is something i am going to do. So this weekend...i have speed dating tonite (pls pray i do not make a fool of myself) gym in the morning (if im brave enuff i am going to try body pump!), tomorrow afternoon i am going to spend it with my sister and her family and then sunday its ME TIME. I am planning to sleep in...do the washing thruout the day whilst watching some sex and the city, having a leisurable bath, and playing on the computer a lil bit plus some VERY overdue housework. So i feel much more in focussed...i feel i have established ways to tackle this.

OH and on to other things. I think i mentioned i have my eye on someone? I was asked several weeks ago what i thought of someone...i was like who? i dont remember them....then last friday nite....she was at the pub...we were introduced and altho she sat away from me...i THINK i saw her smiling at me a few times. Anyways a few nites ago i asked a friend of hers if shes single...shes like yeh why who wants to know? i was like ummmm no one....but.....she has a cute smile...my friend laughed and we talked a lil about her ;) anyway my friend was like okies at the dance we will have to sit u two next to each other and i was like...well i suck at small talk and trying to chat a woman up....and my friend was like well when we go out for a smoke...you come too so u can chat to her in a small group environment lol....so mite have to try and put my flirting skills to work ! Oh and did i mention her name? ummm yeh its ange (wonder if thats a omen at all?)

Okies off for a weekend .... have a good one all !

2 comments:

Shrinking Tardie said...

Kazz,

Not having the usual ups and downs is called "flat affect" and is not a healthy way to live. Then again, I do understand how weird it feels to experience the ups ands downs after not having them is well, weird.

I too have a 'cheat' meal factored in to my nutrition if I want it - I don't usually use it but it's good to have there.

Good luck with the speed dating - I'm sure you'll be just fine. Ang good luck with the new Ange - I'm sure you'll be just fine there too.

Hugs...Nat

Hippygal said...

Good luck with the speed dating :-)hmmmm maybe it was last night LOL. Can so relate to what a lot of what you said today :-)