Back into it all

Had a real good day foodwise yesterday. I tracked religiously (believe it or not!) even my parmasan cheese...ever tried to weigh out 5 grams of that stuff? But anyway i feel much better already...that bloated feeling is gone. One of my many weakness's is savoury bakery items (like sausage rolls, pies, quiches etc) and I have a bakery on my street...anyway in the last week or so I have visited them regularly...and I have now noticed the difference in my bloating. Amazing tho one day of eating good and drinking the water (1.8 litres yesterday) and the bloating is gone and my jeans are sitting nice again. YAY

Last night I sat down and planned out todays menu...just gotta stop at coles on the way home and pick up some ww bacon, tonight im gonna make a pasta sauce with bacon, tomatos, chilli and lots of vegetables.

Its amazing how when you are in control of your eating you just feel better all round isnt it? Must be the empowerment of being in control

Only 3 work days left and i have 4 days off yippee....................ok have a good day all :)

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Woohooo I am sitting here sweating ! I decided after much talk about my biggest loser DVD to actually DO IT...last time i tried to do it...prolly 3 months ago i last 10 minutes of it...tonite 34 MINUTES BABEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE i prolly could have gone a bit longer and dont laugh but one of my toes was cramping (gawd jody i can hear u laughing ur head off at that!) but its true...it was cramping and i didnt want it to get real bad....but wooo im so proud of me ! I am now gonna sit here and read my slimming & health magazine. Was invited out tonite to the pub but blast gotta start work at 7.30am and as no one was going out before 8.30pm had to skip it...but i must say i feel great...im religiously tracking, i exercised, i have a social life and i have 4 days off work next week plus my bday celebrations coming up - life is damn good !

Thinking

Well yanno it is a womans perogative to change their mind eh? Well no im not really changing my mind...just a slight different tact. I was reading thru the ww literature last nite and got to the point where it said about measuring yourself...hmmmmm lil hard to measure urself when u live alone...but i want those measurements done cos they are so important. This is one area where fernwood was better then ww in that they measured and did body fat. Now fernwood gave me their program free for 12 months so i still have 9 months of that left at no cost. So what i have decided is ... primarily i am following ww..and will religiously stick to the points but will primarily base my eating along the filling foods...but i will as well as being weighed at ww i will go to my appointments with fernwood so i will get measured and body fat measured as well. Also any week i cant make it to one of the sessions whether it be fernwood or ww i will still ahve the accountability for it for that week. Maybe some think its over the top but it makes sense to me.

There seems to be a slight change in the birthday plans...still going out for the drinks but at this stage prolly wont be staying in town on the nite (which to be honest mite not be a bad thing) I am contemplating maybe booking into a hotel on the nite of my actual birthday. At this stage I have absolutely nothing planned on the day...so would be nice to do something...anyone else got any other suggestions that wont kill the bank balance of something i can do on my own?

Okies off i go...dont forget - email if you want a invite to the journal as it will be going private as of tuesday !

Back to meetings....

Well...went to my meeting ! And i feel so motivated. There has been no meetings in the city for a year or so and they have moved to a new building...all painted...and spacey and all this great shelving where the products are all displayed. Really a nice fresh place for the meetings. Anyway i turned up...cos i had joined as unlimited they gave me a free basic starters kit, and for the first week cos these are new meetings they also gave us all a bag with a ww magazine, a journal and the latest cookbook - bargain ! Then they had a draw for a prize and i won that ! LOL so i got a book of menu plans and a points calculator. I have already logged on and filled out my tracker...i have done it...still have to measure a cup of raw pasta...but without that i still have 9 points spare....whcih by the time i add in the pasta and some snacks should lead me to be spot on. I am gonna take a tip from jo and not go over my points on any day,,,,no catching up on points the following days etc.

I ahd a whole day off work today...go back tomorrow and work 5 days before i get fourrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr days off for xmas...cannot wait ! I am house sitting...and am planning to just do lots of dvd watching...nothingoverly exciting but am looking forward to some relaxing time.

I have had quite a few emails about getting access for my blog once it gets private, and of course everyone who emailed me will get a invite :) im flattered you all read my dinky mutterings...so dont forget if u want access after tuesday to email me at princesskaryn@optusnet.com.au and also...a couple of people commented that they lurked...and i just wanna say i dont care if u lurk...i dont care if people dont post comments...i am really flattered you read...

Okies time for house ! enjoy ur nite all =]

Signed up for unlimited !

Well I signed up for unlimited online today ! Im excited ! Im tired of the whole roundabout of weight loss...I want to get this weight shifted for good. I think I will primarily stick to my plan I was doing at fernwood but increasing it so i am eating enuff points. I had a play around earlier...interesting a lot of the "filling" foods I was already eating...I like how they highlight them in the tracker tho. I am going to a meeting lunch time tomorrow...and planning to do my biggest loser dvd in the morning (now my lounge room is all clear and tidy LOL)

Ive started playing backgammon again, I ahvent played it for ages. Mainly cos the tournaments i play in are in a US chat program and it costs like $12 US a month which with the dollar going down i decided cost too much. But a friend has given me a chat name on his account :) so now i can go in and play for free which is a bonus. I always find things like that relaxing and I love playing gammon altho its so long since i played i seriously suck at it at the moment LOL

Like jaxx i am going to make my journal private. I seriously dont know who reads the journal...and i think by making it private it would be more open...so if you want to be added to the private list email me on princesskaryn@optusnet.com.au and i will get u added....Ill be setting it all up to private monday or tuesday of next week.

The plans for the hotel room for the night of my bday celebrations has changed a lil. We are now talking about organising a 2 bedroom apartment...theres at least 3 of us planning on it...and I have asked a fourth friend along as well...you think 4 lesbians in a hotel will get up to a few hijinks? Im thinking so after a drink or two LOL

Not a lot else going on...having a good day all...only 2 more hours and im on a day off wooohooo

Its a new week....

Well yay inspection is over ! It all went really well...they are looking at putting a new dual system in one of the toilets and also they are going to reimburse me for the fluro lights i had to go buy. The landagent is really nice...she was here for about 45 minutes a lot of that time just chatting.

I was suppose to go to WW tonite..but i discovered they now have EIGHT meetings in the city....so am going to go there instead on wednesday on my day off. The gym emailed me today and said my membership will recommence on 2/1 but my first debit wont be till 10/1.

I have decided whilst I am going back to ww....im not gonna be going to the forums. There are just too many rude and condescending people on it....that combined with how segregated the forum has become I dont think its anything I would gain from.

Birthday plans are coming along nicely...I have invited a bunch of friends to the wheaty....and a friend Leigh has pretty much convinced me to book into a hotel for the night. I am suppose to work the next day...but fingers crossed i can get a shift swap and have the next day off...then if i do....woooo hoooo look out adelaide...kazz may end up being led astray :)

Okies....I also do xstitch...havent done any in ages....but am gonna order a new pattern this week....still trying to decide between two...so im gonna attach the links..would love any feedback or thoughts on which people like the better out of the two

1. Design One
2.Design Two

Okies off i go....have a good nite all =]

Xmas presents and other stuff...

Well work was very good and gave me half a day off on monday for the inspection. So im off tomorrow...off sunday and finish work at 11am on monday and then have wednesday off...not bad eh? lol Today I cleaned up the living room...dusted...pulled out the lounge etc vaccuumed behond it all also washed the coffee table cover etc...so apart from putting away the clothes airer and putting away a couple of things that room is already. Which was the main room to clean...ive only gotta vac the bedrooms, do the kitchen floor, the bathroom, and sweep out in the courtyard....so i will get all that done sunday afternoon...altho i mite do some tomorrow afternoon too.

Tomorrow morning i have to go out and do the grocery shopping then i have to dash into town and buy a new fluro tube for the second bathroom...then in the afternoon going over to mums to drop off the kids xmas presents so she can take them with her. Buying the xmas presents for the kids in the morning and i saw online target has 20% off toys till wednesday which is a bonus.

Then of course monday nite im going back to ww....have been reading the boards they start to introduce the new plan this week so my timing is good...theyre also opening one of the ww myer centres in adelaide in febuary which will help for the occassional week i cant get to meetings.

This weekend i work saturday and have nothing else planned apart from housework which im looking forward too...its expensive going out every friggin weekend. The rain is bucketing down at the moment i hope it bloody well settles down enuff so that i dont get drenched when going out in the morning.

Well thats enuff for tonite....i will be back monday or tuesday nite to let u all know how the inspection and ww went =]

Me at goal??? lol

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Its tuesday !

Woke up yesterday morning and my eyeballs ached...seems weird huh? Anyway so off to the doc i went turns out it was just eyestrain, whilst there tho i had a chat to him about my moods. When i look back my moods have prolly got worse over the last 9 months or so but the up & downess of them all has got worse over the last 3 months. An example is yesterday i was like...thats it im quitting work...i dunt wanna go in there and deal with it anymore...today i cant even believe i was thinking like that. Ive also noticed when i compare my journal entries especially over the last few months to back to late 2006.... i am thinking too much...i am focussing on too much instead of going with the flow, anyway i have prolly been having one or two days per week where i am really down, and even getting very frustrated and angry towards people (which is not like me) so anyway me and the doc chatted and he has put me back on the meds, i feel like this is a good move...so will start taking them once i fill the script on thursday.

The inspection of my unit is on monday...i have thursday, friday and sunday off so plenty of time to get everything spick and span (altho in reality theres not much to do) ive asked for a shift swap on monday but if that cannot be worked in...i will work 7am-11am and then scoot home the inspection will occurr anytime between 12.30pm and 3pm. And then that night i will be returning back to ww.

I am all quite content about spending xmas day/eve by myself now. I have a small and not a very good kitchen whilst ill be staying at my mums she has a nice kitchen...good oven etc...so im planning xmas eve to just do a pile of baking which i will take home and freeze. Xmas day will do the L word thing.

Okies thats enuff blabbler for today... enjoy all

Another weekend bites the dust

Well its late sunday afternoon and the weekend is nearly over =[ That said i have thursday, friday, sunday and (hopefully) monday off over the next 8 days

Got home friday nite didnt feel like going out and there was a letter from the land agent sayingits time for another inspection which is monday the 15th between 12.30pm-3pm I am hoping work will give me either a shift swap or a annual leave day...cos no way im not gonna be here with someone in my house. SO once i read that and was buggered friday nite i thought no not going out...so texted a couple of friends to let them know. Well lol one friend hassled me to death till i agreed to go...so i went. And i had a fun night. I got a lil drunk (ok quite drunk) but it wasnt my fault ! I walked in some friends saw me just as they were buying some shooters so they bought me one, i then bought a glass of champagne (only one i bought all nite) then a friend bought me a few more glasses....then a friend of a friend bought me a couple of cocktails...then my friend bought me MORE champagne..but it was fun i danced with a few different women, listened to some good music it was all good. There is some more stuff to say but at this point ill shut my mouth ;)

SO saturday morning i had a hangover...ok people....all u ww'ers...whats your hangover cures???? Then all weekend i have been slowly doing ALL the washing (including all the things i think each week...i cant be bothered with washing that this week ie the housecoat) and picking up stuff. Pretty much all i need to do it get the new fluro light and vacuum, dust and mop the day before and then on the day sweep out the bag and wash the front and back door down and im ready for the inspection.

A week tomorrow i go back to ww and im excited already...i really am...im looking forward to more cooking and doing the weight loss plan while fitting in to what has become quite a busy social life

Okies off i go ... enjoy all !

YAY its friday

Got up this morning...pulled on the jeans and oooeeerrr thee tight....so even though i ahvent stepped on the scales im guessing ive put on about 2-3 kilos. As i walked to work i got thinking about it all...and was thinking oh well in the new year ill be back at ww...but stuff that...im gonna go back before xmas. Id go this monday night except finances are a lil tight this week due to a ridiculously high electricity bill lol so would have to wait till 15th december...which i know mite sound a lil strange starting right before xmas but i think its wise to do.

I also thought about the wii some more...and my brain is really struggling to justify spending $500 on it so think i will get the gym shoes as well as buy the ww scales. I will try whenever i can to go to the tuesday mornign ww meeting cos SA's best leader lol christina takes that meeting last i heard...and when i cant ill go monday evening. The more i think about it the more i think its the right decision...i can work my social life in with it which has been a huge stumbling block with the fernwood plan.

Tonite there is a girls nite on at the old beanz bar which i will prolly go to...i tell u i have completely forgotten what its like to have a complete weekend at all...thankfully no plans saturday and sunday ... apart from housework and moving into the other bedroom not planning to do a great deal...will prolly do some dvd watching i suspect and also i have lots of books i havent read so will go thru them mite start to do some reading...also mite put some books ive read and a couple of tops that no longer fit me on to ebay...give me a lil extra cash ;)

Well not a great deal else to say...off to have my weetbix...have a good friday all !

Today...

Tomorrow nite there is another girls nite out (yes another one lol) so trying to decide whether to go...i think i will as seems EVERYONE is going...and always good to support these kind of events. Someone i like is going and i have a suspicion someone else who likes them is going lol...so thats made me a lil tentative but i am sure i will go (plus felicity says she is going to nag me via text LOL) Its at hindley street at some old club called beans and has a dj...dj lush (who i think ive heard off before) and lots of my friends are going so should be good.

Sent out invites for my birthday via facebook & emails yesterday. So far I have 9 people going ! OMG -dies of shock- and so far no one has said no altho i know one or two wont be able to make it (its a chit time of the year to celebrate ya birthday in all honesty) AND the girl i like sent her a invite and shes replied back already that she is going to come as well...woo hoo =] that maybe a good sign LOL

Im still contemplating things I will spend my xmas money on...and as well as the gym shoes or bike the thought of a wii is a very definite option...id prolly have to put it on layby....but i could pay 50% off it in the days after xmas at least...and then hopefully have it within a month or so...its not gonna replace the gym or anything but would be good to have something fun to increase the incidental exercise.

This weekend i am planning to get into the baking...gonna make a big lot of lasagne (from STGTBT books) and mite even make some scrolls which i havent had in forever.

Work is relatively quiet today (touch wood) so hopefully it continues to be a good day...when i get home tonite im putting a colour thru my hair need to cover a couple of grey hairs that are peeking out LOL

Okies not much else going on...back to the grindstone...enjoy =]

Thinking...

Well i am moving bedrooms this weekend...my neighbours are driving me nuts ! I am not sure if they are incredibly loud or just my previous neighbour was incredibly quiet. I never use to hear my old neighbour...it was bliss...these ones i hear the snoring...i can hear them talking in the bedroom in the morning...and last nite they were outside about 10pm at night talking...and i was in my bedroom which is on the first floor and i could hear them ... they were loud enough that id been asleep and it woke me up. So thats this weekends task to move the bedrooms around.

Last nite was in chat and was asked if i am going to this girls nite on friday nite...i was like no (jsut paid my $480 electricity bill - eek) and it was the first time id said no to going out...and i think that i need to get thru my head that its ok to sometimes say no.

Ive been thinking a lot about the weight loss thing...and have come to the conclusion that fernwoods way is a diet not a lifestyle. I said the other week to her...this plan is very restrictive...and she agreed and then said but it needs to be or you wont lose. And i understand what shes saying but i think its TOO restrictive. I went to sparkpeople.com yesterday and they say i should be eating 1800-2200 calories per day, the plan fernwood has me on is 1700 calories. Now I think there plan has a lot of pluses about it and i have eaten more vegetables on a daily basis then ever before and my carb proprtions are at a good level (not excessive like before) but i suspect i need more protein. I am thinking maybe i need to take what theyve taught me about food groups etc (something i never focussed on before) and use that in conjunction with ww. Whilst I wanna do that I am also worried about the reaction of fernwood....i know the next time i walk into fernwood and see eve shes gonna be on to me to find out when i am seeing her next. So thats a lil concern but when I go back I will prolly book a time to see Hannah who does all the membership stuff to organise my second PT session a week for 10 weeks and maybe speak to her about it all. I think possibly when I am down around 100 kilos the fernwood eating plan would make sense but not right now...i really need to be focussing on "its a lifestyle" They have a meeting at 7pm on monday nites (which i could make 5 out of 7 weeks) and the other 2 weeks...i could try and organise a shiftswap or at the very least make it one out of them at the tuesday morning session. Or i could just follow the ww plan on my own and see even to be weighed and measured...only problem with that is i feel like im "cheating on her" if you get my drift. So as you can see weight loss isnt about to fall by the way side...its actually getting a lot of thought and i really want 2009 the year that really makes the difference.

Okies not much else to say !


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I was reading Joamys journal today and she had posted her first ever entry...so I was curious went back to my first entries (august 06 when i first seriously joined ww) and i noticed a couple of things...firstly i was eating well...my food was 100% and i was drinking my water...but i was having treats...there was mention of ww desserts and fruit muffins...but i was having BIG losses (as high as 3.5 kilos per week) so obviously my body has the ability to lose...it also convinces me more that ww is the way to go...i was embracing "lifestyle" i was still fitting in work functions and the odd nite out at the pub...so i think in the new year thats the first thing...more then anything...i need to not do "fernwoods diet" and instead do "wws lifestyle" I was also baking more...utilising the STGTBT books...which i havent recently so thats the other thing and increase my activity. For xmas my mum always gives me money...ive been thinking what to spend it on and am divided...one half says use it to go get fitted for new gym shoes...the other half of me says go buy a bicycle with it...decisions decisions...i never had a bike as a kid...my mum refused to buy me one as she said i was too dangerous on them...id love to get one...but worried about injuring myself....so will have to give that some more thought.

Tanias comments to my post a few days back got me thinking. Saw it when I got home from work tonite...grabbed my slimming & health magazine...and went for a soak in a tub. The magazine anyway had a story about "tough love" with yourself. It got me thinking,,,maybe i am simply feeling sorry for myself? And maybe my self talk has fallen by the way side? When I first started ww i did a lot of self talk to get my head in the right place. And at the time it worked. Now suddenly I am getting stuff I want but i am still not happy???? I have been completely focussed lately on going back so my solitude life would be the easy option...but why is that even coming up as a option? Its time to change my thinking....time to stop questioning what I am doing...and just DO

For the remainder of this month without the gym...im simply gonna stick to being healthy and hopefully returning back to the gym at the same weight. Its time to get a old fashioned diary and keeping a diligent record of my food and exercise. Its time to set some goals...weight and non weight ones. I also need to talk to my dietician....when i went in the other week i said i wanted to weigh in more then once a month that i needed the accountability and she said we will go to weighing fortnightly....but when I go back i need to tell her i want to be weighed once a week. I need to take the option of going back to my old lifestyle out of the occassion. I mean lets admit it life is pretty damn good at the moment...i have friends...i have a actual social life...work is going fine...and a new year is only a month away....nearly time for more new beginnings...new goals. I need to be consistent with setting monthly goals as well as some longer term goals. Was funny I wrote this post last nite and had thought of some things i wanna achieve and saw jaxxs journal and saw some the same as she has added to her journal (specifically the 500 grams per week to lose 26 kilos) So i will work on that later and add over the next few days.

Feel quite good today...work has now managed to give me 4 days off over xmas...im over my moodiness about xmas. I am planning to have a "L word" day on xmas day...just sit down and watch all 3 series I have and it kinda works good having the 4 days off cos its a bit of a pain getting to work from mums house.

Okies not much else going on..byessssss

Went to the feast picnic yesterday and had a nice day, altho I am sunburnt...specially on my foot - ouch!

I sent a email off to the gym yesterday telling them i want to suspend my membership for the month of december. I feel quite blah about it and dont have the same level of enthusiasm I had a few months ago,,,,maybe its the time of the year??? Or maybe its just me being me lol The thing is also the gym is closed quite a few days this month or on restricted times it seems silly to pay...and this way I will have a real break that will hopefully regenerate my enthusiasm. When I go back in January the plan is to do two PT sessions a week for 10 weeks and really kick start the losses. The other thing I wonder about is the meal plan...its 1700 calories (or is that kilojoules) im pretty sure i should be having around 2000 per day so i wonder if thats led me to finding it lately quite restrictive...what i need to do is sit down and do a bit of research. The thing is if i modify there plan at all..i feel guilty when i hand in my food diary each week. I even wonder if maybe i should just follow ww taking into account of eating the right food groups...cos at least that way u are eating the right amount for your weight. So my thought is maybe get ww online but the etools but go to the gym for weigh ins...its a thought....

Yesterday was a good relaxing day. I enjoyed it...lots of people watching. Friday nite there is a girls dance in the city which I am debating going. Of course the golden dance is the week after so i have another golden dance coming up...but this weekend is CLEAN UP weekend...my house needs a good clean...good dust n all that crap. I now also have 4 days off over xmas...im now starting to look forward to 4 days of downtime. Thing xmas day mite turn into a major dvd watching day LOL. I saw at darrall leas they have mini xmas puddings for one person...so think I will prolly pick one of them up closer to the day and prolly on xmas eve just pick up a roast chicken (they have mexican flavoured ones at my local chicken shop) with some salads...at least i wont be tempted this year to nibble on crap ! LOL

Logic vs Self Perception

Ive always thought I am a pretty logoical person..a realist even...and I am, in the moments where I am alone and just think...or when a friend comes to me with a question or for advice...I can see the logical and sensible thing to do....so why don't I do it when it comes to myself????

This last week has be the accumulation of a gathering of so much info and carryon in my head. I have discovered living a "hermit" lifestyle... for me at least is easy. I did it for so many years I lost count, you don't have to worry about what to wear, you don't have to put thought to do my legs need a shave, you don't have to worry about being rejected, or being the wallflower...or just thinking wtf am I doing here...I dont belong here. Its nice...its easy...its not drama filled and generally costs you nothing (well I guess except ultimate happiness) As I have said on previous posts throwing myself into a social life like I have over the last few months has done my head in, in some ways. Logically I hear my friends tell me that I am a good person, that people like being around me, that I have friends....but my self perception side questions why on earth anyone would want to be involved with me...when will my friends finally click and stop inviting me out...when there is all the other people in the world why on earth would someone pick me to be with??? Now this isnt a post for a pile of people to comment and go "oh your wonderful kazz blah blah blah" I truly have so much going on in my head at the moment and feel I need to get this down in writing and then maybe I will start to make some sense of things.

I am lonely. No denying it. And its only the last few weeks i have realised this and the only time in my entire adult life I have ever admitted this. FInding a partner was initially a huge part of me commencing this weight loss journey....when i am hermitting myself ... i can sit there and think yes at goal i am going to meet this wonderful girl who is going to look at me and be astounded that someone could be as slim, and wonderful as I am and sweep me off my feet (all said with tongue in cheek lol) then there is the fact that i have thrown myself into my social life...no im not at goal weight...and of course no one has landed on my doormat saying they are here to sweep me off my feet. But I think now that I have stepped into this social life there is the realisation that what my ultimate goal for my weight loss has been may never happen. I may never meet someone who I can feel at peace with and simply love. And so when I have those moments of clarity when I think about this it ultimately leads me too wtf am i doing this then???? Now of course there is my health, but despite however much I weigh I am pretty healthy and have no major health dramas. Truly right at this moment I dont think I am in the complete and correct headspace place to lose the weight successfully.

Do I need counselling? I suspect yes...but at the same time I am terrified of that. Terrified of walking into a office and sitting down...and how do I go about that first sentance with this person I dont know...I have a mother who when I mentioned counselling to her said...and how is talking going to help you to lose weight...to be honest i have a mother who really knows nothing about what goes on inside of me...and to be honest that pisses me off...pisses me off that she chose not to believe certain things that happened in my past, and pisses me off that she allows herself to be influenced so much by people around her that she cant bear to hear the words "this girl i dated".

I am planning to cancel my gym sessions this week. Part of me feels i am wasting theres and my time. I know Im not in the right head space and something has to change. And I am divided on this. Part of me thinks the answer is to get some counselling and having a chat to my doctor...part of me thinks i should throw the social life in...and part of me thinks i need to just go sit in a corner and let all this stuff filling my head to just fall out and start afresh. I want it all tho, i want the weight loss, i want the social life, i want the gf, and i want that life were im just damn happy and have everything going for me....geeez im not asking for that much ;) anyway i need to get this all down...i need to sort this chit out in my head and i know me and know writing it down is the way to do it so bare with me this week as i do this.

This week as I mentioned the other day another friend is leaving work....am I bummed about this ? You betcha ! I have concerns about the environment I work in...concerns that I can go to work on a daily basis and be in a positive environment where I can have the odd laugh/joke.

PS for the person who asked what is STGTBT .... they are a series of cookbooks called "symply too good to be true" that can befound at australian newsagents that have some fabulous low fat recipes.

Blah days

Well its been a couple of blah days altho im starting to feel a bit better and put things in the right perspective in my head.

So whats been going on? Firstly...about 8 weeks ago my friend Ryan left work to go work in the city...NOW jaimee has gone and got a position at the same place. Her last day is next friday, so yesterday she told me that. She came in this morning said something about it...i held up my hand and said hush we are not discussing this today lol then i had planned out my xmas. The last couple of xmas's i have applied for leave...last year they said to me "you had last year off cant guarantee you will get this year off" anyway so i decided to not put in for leave and to work it. My sister and her family will be in streaky bay anyway i told my mum u go over there...and she only would if i would look after their dogs...now work has turned around and given me the day off (3 days off in fact) so i am now stuck at home alone for xmas...its not the end of the world but of course it is kinda sucky....yesterday i was completely pissed off about it...but tonite i am feeling better. Im a adult...its not really that big a deal...its not like im expecting santa to come down the chimney.

Weight loss all is going well...went to the dietician today....she went thru 2 of my STGTBT books and we picked out recipes i can have and she made some amendments to some. She also weighed me and the scales dropped by another kilo...so all progressing in the right direction and i had THREE compliments in the last two days. Yesterday david said...you've lost weight since you've been going to the gym havent u? And when i said yes he said yeh u can tell...then today im sitting at my desk and jaimee turned around and said "u are getting so much smaller" and thirdly lindsay one of the managers said are u still going to the gym? i said yeh...and she said yeh u can tell =] so all 3 were nice. The good thing is I am noticing it too...I just feel smaller...hard to pinpoint how...but i am just feeling it...altho i looked at a window in a shop today and thought...gawd what a huge ass ! lol

One of the girls I met from the speed dating messaged me the other nite =] And also Ange the girl I have spotted and like altho she doesnt have access to sending messages on pink sofa only generic "smiles" sent me a smile the other nite. She is going to the picnic on sunday so with luck Ill get a chance to talk to her.

Oh and anyone who reads my journal and has facebook if u wanna add me feel free as most of my pics etc are stored on there...my email addy for it is princesskaryn@optusnet.com.au

Off for some sleep


ni ni all =]

Just a quickie ;)

Just a super short update as I am not well and about to head off to bed. But some exciting news. When I went back to fernwood in august I weighed...153.7 by my scales...today when i weighed i was 143.8...just 100 grams of 10 kilos...and 27.1 kilos yay...im very happy...enjoy all

A calming feeling...

I have posted several times here...and made startling decisions about "chat" (yes that evil again lol) I have been going in again...for a while...has been no big drama...i havent felt its caused me any real issues...hasnt distracted me from my goals...and because my social life has taken off its really not been that big of a issue. Earlier this year someone I had known for many years started to chat to me...all was fine till i saw her psychotic temper...i ended things then. Ever since then every couple of months she makes a reappearance...puts on a display of her nasty temper which i ignore then she disappears for a few months. Well she came back again over the weekend...following a coversation with someone who told them I had mentioned their name UGH i mean people seriously think before you speak !!! Anyway after the last tirade i thought enoughs enough. I dont need this...its not a issue of i need to break a habit or my weight loss journey will stuff up...its just the final thing that makes me say chat is no longer fun. I do know the person who opened their mouth does read this journal...so I may make it private...will see. But to be honest this isnt all said with anger or aggression...i thought about it last nite...and was like wow i feel so calm...its like the calm after the storm ... not before it lol

Today I jumped on the scales and died of shock. I have this weight (ok its 145 kilos) and i always tell jaimee at work its like i have some psychological block...soon as i get near it ... i do some damage...well yesterday afternoon for some crazy reason i got on my scales (never normally do it that time of day) think i only did it cos i was running a bath and so bored while it was filling up LOL...anyway jumped on them and it said 144.7...so i jumped off and jumped back on...still 144.7 was like OMFG...gawd hope it lasts till the morning lol...then this morning i got on them 144.4 ! thats 900 grams I was down from the previous day...im so stoked and i would really like to get under 144 by the weekend so i am clear of that dreaded 145 weight but we will wait and see if that happens.

I am wearing one of my new tops today...i bought it about a month ago...fitted across my bust/shoulders but too tight around the hips...tried it on saturday and while still firm fitting around my stomach already starting to fall off my shoulders so thought id bettr start wearing it.

So far no huge plans for this weekend. The picnic is on sunday...so will probably go to that .. hopefully its nice weather without being too hot (last year was like 38 on the day of the picnic and way too hot) The rest of the weekend may be relatively quiet if no plans arise mite just catch a movie saturday arvo. The following two weekends there is a girls dance each nite so will prolly go to both.

Went to the gym for a PT session this morning. As i left she said ill see u during the week...i musta been slow in my response...cos she turned around and said "don't make me nag you" lol

Oh and I have a new fave food thing...grainy bread toasted with sliced tomato and some low fat feta cheese sprinkled on it. Got it for lunch today...cant wait yum yum!

So Very Happy :)

Well the weekend is slowly drawing to a close and have to admit its been a lovely weekend ! Lets see...Friday night I went to speed dating...in all honesty I didnt wanna go and if I hadnt made plans with felicity or bought the ticket already I wouldnt have gone. But I went and it was a interesting night (definitely the key to this nite is alcohol lol) I didnt drink heaps...but enuff to keep me "loosened up" so between 7pm and about 11.30pm I drank 3 glasses of champagne...I didnt think that was too bad. There were a few nice girls but none that I thought...man i want her...anyways afterwards I ran into a couple of friends...so i went with them to the wheaty (local lesbian hangout pub), felicity was also there...but whilst we are friends we also have our own friends...so we went our own ways...it was a nice time...just sitting around chatting...then one of the girls bought out this platter of food -eek ! Was full of chicken, cheeses, cold meats etc...but i didnt have one thing of it ! OMG i was so proud ! Even with alcohol in me I kept my focus. I got home about 12.15am. Saturday morning i woke with a slight hangover LOL now lately when ive had a hangover ive been saying...right i NEED fatty food...but not this time...i went and had one of my slim shakes instead (its full of LOTS of different vitamins and minerals) and so while i didnt gym it..by lunch time i was feeling all good and ready to get on with the day - which included seeing my sister and her family. We had a nice time...i watched a lil rug rats cartoon and had some education that the cat in the hat in the cat and the hat movie is not a real cat and not all cats like milk yanno ! LOL shes too cute for words. Then for dinner my brother in law ducked out to get us fasta pasta...now last time my sister was down...we had fasta pasta too and i had monte carlo (cream based pasta dish) but i thought nope....and so i ordered lasagne...it was a large serving...but very lil cheese on it (not sure if there was even any apart from my parmessan cheese) so i felt very good....and quite accomplished cos I had got thru a few social things without going off track. Today has been very relaxing...sleeping in (prolly woulda slept in longer if my new neighbours hadnt made so much noise) This afternoon I am just doing washing and watching sex and the city episodes...very nice and relaxing. Tomorrow morning i have another PT session at 8am.

Oh and heres something too...last nite im online chatting to a friend, one of the friends i go out with...anyway she had just ended up involvement with another girl and we were chatting about relationships and why we are single...and suddenly she turns around and said she had considered asking ME out when we first met LOL but she is only 29 so was concerned about the age difference...wow i was considered ... i was amazed i truly sit there and think WHY would someone wanna be with me....dont get me wrong and its not me wanting people to sit here and go oh kazz you have so much to offere blah blah but my head just doesnt get that...altho i think that thinking is slowly breaking down...i do realise i am a good person and have plenty of reasons why someone would want to be with me...logically i know that...but i guess insecurities, slef doubt and fear of rejection prolly makes me put up walls sometimes and that if i reject myself then its easier then if someone else does it if that makes sense (altho of course i realise we all get rejected and i need to put myself out there lol) okies enuff blabbing off to put some music on for a bit and have a dance around the house ;) before i sit down and watch some more sex n the city

TGIF !!!!!

Everytime I have gone to leave a post lately I have been short of time and really not leaving the full post I had wanted to leave...so here we go !

The last several weeks ive been a lil confused, lemme explain. As most know until a few months ago for prolly the last 10 years I have lived a very hermit type lifestyle...i have lived alone, with very limited friends or interests. My days pretty much consisted of work, eat, tv/computer,sleep. Now all this time i KNEW i wasnt really living...i was only existing...and i knew i needed more in my life but it was very hard to work out for me how to go and get that. Because of this fact...i had a very stable emotional state...no highs no lows...just very stable and lets face it boring. Then i went to the golden dance a few months ago...as I mentioned at the time this nite blew me away...since ang and then mel i have not had any physical attention...so to suddenly have a woman grab my hand and hold it while walking to the dance floor and then dance in her arms blew me away, to not sit at the table like a wall flower but to be up dancing and chatting to different people...laughing and wishing the nite would go on and on was all incredibly knew to me....it was definitely a nite where my emotional side was peaking with happiness, then only a week later i had a weekend at home and i was moody i couldnt work out why then in a post tania pinpointed it that maybe i was realising i was lonely. That made complete sense to me and i know believe i have been getting lonely...so of course when this is occuring my emotional moods drop leading me to have this rollercoaster of emotions....something that is prolly quite normal for others but something over the last 10 years or so i havent encountered. My dieticians words about not letting my social life interfere with my goals was entrenched in my head as well. So i was stuck...maybe i should give up on the social life for a while...and as i was going out more and more especially over the last few weeks it was doing my head in more....and i was having some days of being on track some days of being terrible. I was at a point where I was thinking maybe i should let the gym etc go and just have fun...but I knew if i did this id be at 170+ kilos before i knew it. Anyways early this week I booked in for a session with my dietician...i knew if that went well id prolly get back on track. Right before the session with my dietician i did the PT session with my trainer for boxing and i LOVED IT...i really loved it...altho i did have a dizzy spell towards the end (thats not uncommon for me tho) and since i had that session more then ever its motivated me...and im determined to do at least 10 weeks of boxing...i told Fiona i would start in the new year...id really like to start now...but a big electricity bill etc is preventing this :) Anyway then i went and saw eve...we ended up running 15 minutes over - oops ! And i told her where my head is at...first thing she said was do NOT give up the social life...she thinks its important for me and i agree...she then said one nite per week to have a meal thats not a plan...to choose a healthy option but i dont have to measure out my carbs and protein etc and the other thing was for me to bring in my STGTBT books and for her to go thru them so we can work out which recipes i can have on the program. The other thing is i posted on the ww site, and one suggestion someone made was look at that time alone as "me time" ive always heard people say about this but i had PLENTY of me time so i never had to think of it specifically...but that is something i am going to do. So this weekend...i have speed dating tonite (pls pray i do not make a fool of myself) gym in the morning (if im brave enuff i am going to try body pump!), tomorrow afternoon i am going to spend it with my sister and her family and then sunday its ME TIME. I am planning to sleep in...do the washing thruout the day whilst watching some sex and the city, having a leisurable bath, and playing on the computer a lil bit plus some VERY overdue housework. So i feel much more in focussed...i feel i have established ways to tackle this.

OH and on to other things. I think i mentioned i have my eye on someone? I was asked several weeks ago what i thought of someone...i was like who? i dont remember them....then last friday nite....she was at the pub...we were introduced and altho she sat away from me...i THINK i saw her smiling at me a few times. Anyways a few nites ago i asked a friend of hers if shes single...shes like yeh why who wants to know? i was like ummmm no one....but.....she has a cute smile...my friend laughed and we talked a lil about her ;) anyway my friend was like okies at the dance we will have to sit u two next to each other and i was like...well i suck at small talk and trying to chat a woman up....and my friend was like well when we go out for a smoke...you come too so u can chat to her in a small group environment lol....so mite have to try and put my flirting skills to work ! Oh and did i mention her name? ummm yeh its ange (wonder if thats a omen at all?)

Okies off for a weekend .... have a good one all !

Another photo

Well just got home from the gym, have about 10 minutes then i gotta go get organised for work. Was good at the gym tho...i did a PT session in boxing...phew what a work out...my trainer said tho i picked it up really quickly....some of the stuff she said it takes people up to 4 weeks to learn and i was doing them in my first session lol...having done dance for so long as a kid means i can pick up movement and steps easily. Anyway the session was fun...i did get dizzy at the end....but boy i worked hard so i think definitely in thenew year i will buy a block of 10 boxing classes. Then I went to see the dietician we talked for about 10 minutes...we decided to change a few meal options. Next week i am going to take my STGTBT books in too and shes gonna go thru them with me so i can work out which recipes i can make that fit into my plan. The other thing she said is once a week to have a meal that is healthy but not restrictive to my plan. We also discussed my issues about my social life....she said definitely dont stop that...she thinks it is important but i just need to work consistently on balancing it out. Okies off I go ! Oh and heres another photo...its from the ofest day we had at work recently...its me an my friend jaimee...we were able to order up to 20 prints FREE so i have ordered this one



Oh and wish me luck....going speed dating tomorrow nite and spending saturday arvo with sis and niece and nephews and sunday having a me day at home - roll on the weekend ! byesssssssssssssssssssssssss

Went to the gym this morning. Did my PT session which all went well. The made a appointment with my dietician for thursday after my PT session. I did briefly talk to her and told her i think i need to be weighed more often and need some accountability and she told me she had been thinking the same thing. Also overnight I have been doing a lot of thinking about my social life and my weight loss journey. All these nites out with drinking etc...is becoming too costly as well as affecting my weight loss journey. Going out for dinner or for coffee isnt a issue cos lets be honest I can always make a good decision. But these nites of drinking need to be restricted...at the most I am going to go out once a week, no more. Whilst yes I am single and yes I should be living my life blah blah blah it does throw my focus off and hell it ends up costing as well. So its one nite per week maximum...id prefer it to be once a fortnight...but we will see how i go.

Okies just a quick post...wanted to get this down in writing

Another weekend over

Well one day off sucks..which is what i have this weekend...only today off...back into it all tomorrow...sigh.

Went out friday and saturday night. Friday was great fun...there was about 20 girls...in this cosy lil pub...sitting around with a glass of champagne and chatting ;) This bunch of girls are really nice...i had quite a indepth chat to one of the girls (gf of a friend) about the whole butch/femme dynamic in the lesbian community which I found really interesting. There was also another girl there who I must say was cute...she seemed kinda shy...but cute all the same. Which its had me thinking today that I have never really persued someone...i had two fellas when i was younger...one persued me the other i just had a major crush on n i am surprised we ever went out lol. Ive only been with two girls...ang and mel (guess i should break the news this girls name is ang TOO) i knew my old ang for so long that by the time...i knew i was interested i already knew she thought highly off me...so while i did persue her...i prolly knew i wasnt going to be rejected...and mel chased me so I have never really put myself out there. I said to one friend last nite...so ummmm is ang single? And she was like yes whose asking to which i whistled and said...ummm no one LOL Saturday night i went to the feast opening...but i didnt enjoy it that much...there was no seating (my feet were killing me), one bar only and took 20 minutes to get a drink, was too noisy couldnt talk to people you were with...just not my cup of tea and so not surprisingly i was home by 9.30pm ! LOL

SInce i hurt my ankle my weight loss has taken a back seat. I weighed myself this morning and i am 100 grams up...now its time to stop talking about it and start getting back into it...i dont even have my next dietician session booked...so enuff is enuff. Tomorrow i have a 8am PT session and i also have one on thursday (doing a boxing session) i will also go on saturday morning...so this week ... minimum of 3 times and back following the plan.

Not a lot else to say...have a good sunday all

The weekend is nearly here !

I tell you life is so busy and full lately. Today at work we had a "career expo" day which was going to sessions (in work time) on different areas of the company and also one on resume writing. So ive got lots of hints for my resume and a template for one and a cover letter. I also went and spoke to some people in mobile retention, and project management...all very interesting. SO today went by really fast. Tonite i went shopping after work....lots of fresh fruit n veges in the house again thankfully.

This week is turning out to be busy. Saturday I am working 9am-5pm. Tomorrow nite i am meeting some of the girls at the wheaty for a couple of glasses of champers but that will be a early night. Saturday night will be a BIG nite...its opening night for feast and after the parade i am going to the after party. So am meeting up with felicity and i plan to complete run a muck. Sunday I am putting aside purely for recovering LOL

Oh and i got a shift swap for the speed dating ! So yes next friday i willbe doing that and on the saturday my sister is down so will be catching up with her.

The ankle is still hurting me...not so much to walk on im walking normally but a constant muscle achee and the annoying thing of course i cant use antiflammatories on it ive just started using deep heat so hopefully that will help. Okies im off...have a good weekend all...i sure am gonna ;)

Speed dating, boxing & some other stuff.

Well I think I have a lot to say lets see how this goes..lol...

Went to the gym today and did a Pt session my ankle is a lil sore tonight but not too bad but of course that was doing weights so controlled exercise...will rest still for a few more days and then really get back into everything. While doing my session my PT trainers says "eve tells me u wanna do boxing or is it eve wanting you to do boxing?" i said,,,,,yeh its more eve....right now with my big electricity bill ($480) plus christmas and my melbourne trip around the corner i cant really afford to do a extra PT session per week till january..so she said i have a couple of spare PT sessions so for at the least next 2 weeks im gonna do a second PT session which will be boxing to give me a try at it and see if I wanna do it in the new year. But as I said to her more then anything i just need to start doing classes (body punp and body balance they also have a new flexibility class id like to do too) so as off next week i am really getting stuck into it by then my foot should be fine too.

Felicity sent me a message on face book saying we MUST do speed dating lol...i was like what??????????? are u crazy????????????? but anyway they are having a lesbian speed dating as part of feast on nov 21...it starts at 7pm and i am suppose to be working till 8pm but if i can get a shift swap gawd forbid we are gonna go and do it LOL. This weekend is turning out to be quite busy too...friday nite i believe i am going to the wheaty to hang with some friends in the beer garden (will be a early nite as i have to work at 9am) and then saturday night is opening night for feast ! omg that should be so much fun...ive never been before but am meeting up with felicity after work then we will going to the after party as well where my boi ryan is going to be at as well ! Cant believe he has been gone 5 bloomin weeks already will be good to catch up with him.

I went to target today..bought two new books...one is shapelle corbys book and the other is about a kid who organises to kill his dad and ends up on death row and is about how his dad forgives him...i also bought the extended version of sex in the city so tomorrow nite will sit down and watch that (ive been watching series one and two over the last few nights) The other aim of tonight/tomorrow is to finish reading fattitude.

My other thing on my brain is my social life vs my weight loss journey. MY dieticians talk about not letting my social life interfere with my goals is still ringing in my ears. So i need to be careful about this...i think friday night i wont drink...saturday night ill have a couple just to loosen up but thats it. Ill prolly be dancing and walking around all night so prolly will balance each other out.

Okies off to watch another episode of sex in the city before heading to bed...ni ni all =]

Well its sunday today,,,my friday...come 8pm tonight I am off work for 2 days...YAY. My ankle is healing nicely and I have a delightly bruise on my knee. But I am at last walking without limping...I am going back to the gym tomorrow for a PT session and will see how it copes with that. I am missing the gym tho...as I have said in the past...walking into the gym does something to my motivation levels...the fact I havent been there in over a week and that its that TOM has left me for a day or so feeling very blah. I know tho give it another day or so and once I have been back to the gym I will be feeling focused again. Not that I have pigged out or anything I have still been eating very well. I do cheat tho...sometimes I eat something I shouldnt and sometimes I dont eat everything that I should ! And its something I really need to focus on. My "miscellaneous"snack after dinner which should be a handful of nuts I havent been having lately..and not all my fruit either so I really have to pick up on that. Okies back to work not a lot else to say ;)

Thursday & Fridays tracking

Thursday (not a great day!)
b - slim shake
s - ?
l - hamburger
s - ?
d - baked potato

Friday
b - 3 weetbix & milk
s -
l - multigrain roll with chicken and salad
s - hot chocolate + banana
d - tuna pasta

What the hell next???

Well yes the layout is back to the boring old black one as it seems the bandwidth for the image on the old one (hosted by whoever i had the layout from) has exceeded, so temporarily its back to this layout.

I am sittin here in amazement for how this week has panned out. Sunday I sat here posting im gonna do all this exercise and go to classes and i havent been ONCE. Okies heres the story to give u all some light entertainment ;)

Friday i hurt my back while out shopping which is such a dicky thing to do anyway. So i am using voltran cream on my back. I have a ulcer so im not allowed anything with ibuprofen in it...the cream has ibuprofen in it but as im not digesting it im thinking its fine. I put some on my back last nite within 40 minutes im in imense pain and on the phone for a ambulance (doctor has told me in the past call a ambulance when i get these attacks) so in the ambulance they give me this gas stuff thru a pipe but im like nooo its making it worse...so after 5 minutes i stop taking it...i get to the hospital and of course its melbourne cup day and the waiting room is filled with people who have injured themselves while drunk...some are abusive...one guy is out cold. It was a pure joyful experience (take note of my tongue in cheek when i say that)after 90 minutes and still no doctor seeing me (the guy sitting next to me had had a mild stroke and he wasnt getting in to see a doc either !) i go up to the counter and say how long...only to have the worst dizzy spell and feeling like im going to throw up....so finally they get me on a bed. By this time tho the pain has minimised (prolly due to the pipe the ambulance guy gave me) so then its like 1am and finally they give me my discharge letter and im thinking thank gawd i jsut wanna go home and crawl into bed. So i go call for a taxi...am busting for the loo...go do my business and go to walk out and wat happens (remember i was kinda high from that gas stuff lol - well thats my excuse and im sticking to it !)theres water on the floor i slip and come down on their damn concrete tiles on my ankle and knee ! i some how manage to get up and think gawd should i go see the doc? but by this point im sick of the hospital and just want home...so home i came my knee is bruised and my ankle looks like theres a huge egg stuck to it LOL it is feeling a bit better tonite not throbbing so mcuh. SO its a few days of relaxing for me. I had to go down the shop today (5 minute walk) i swear it took me 40 minutes with my limping LOL. I did do as my dietician said and made a new recipe tonite ! omg so nice ! its out of the biggest loser cookbook...it was spinich and bacon fried....then u add 1 teaspoon of oil, 2 table spoons of lemon juice, lemon rind, some chilli, garlic, capers and i also sprinkled a lil low fat feta cheese over it and had it over pasta....was so damn yummi. Okies my mobile phone just rang and its downstairs ! GAWD !!!!

okies heres todays tracker


b - 3 weetbix with milk and honey
s - slim shake
l - baked potato with ham, low fat sour cream, low fat cheese, pineapple and chives
s - ?
d - bacon and spinich pasta


OKies im off to watch tv...fingers crossed i stay safe ! LOL

Tuesdays tracking

b - 3 weetbix with milk
s- slim shake and banana
l - multigrain roll with chicken and mayo + small tin of peaches
s - small tin of peaches
d - chicken salad with pasta and low fat fetta cheese

Todays tracking:

b - 3 weetbix, milk and a banana
s - slim shake and banana
l - multigrain roll with chicken and mayo
s - hot chocolate and banana
d - spaghetti bolognaise
s -

Re-priortising

Just noticed my last post was my 400th post....but on to other things....

After some lengthy discussions with myself over the last 2 weeks and a lengthy discussion with my dietician yesterday,,,,its time for a few changes =] Firstly its time to re-priortise some things...now dont get me wrong i love that my social life is starting to take off...but i need to balance things out...i need to realise there are two things which are a top priority one is work the other is this weight loss journey, after that comes my social life, travel and the rest. But as long as I get the first two in place then all other things will follow ! In the last two weeks I have become a lil complacent, I havent been eating all my fruit...and have gone off track a lil. Yesterday was weigh in and measuring day,,,,i lost 2.2 kilos... .4% body fat and some measurements went down while others increased. Im not to phased about it in all honesty i didnt deserve great results...but as my dietician pointed out from where i started to where i am now ive achieved results which are definitely on the high side (in 11 weeks i have lost 5 centimetres of my hips for instance...and not only is that a hard place to lose from its also the part of your body that can dictate a lot of your health issues) so I am impressed with myself...but lets be honest I could have done better. So the first 11 weeks was the introductory as far as I am concerned...its time to rev things up. First thing....i need to start tracking daily....and so I will be posting daily to track my food at the end of each day. Secondly I need to change the food a lil...im gonna cut down on bananas (whilst i love them 3-4 a day for 11 weeks im a lil over them) so i am going to change them to tinned pineapple (in natural juice of course), stewed apples and strawberries. I am also gonna start having baked potatoes for lunch on my day off and am going to make one new recipe per week. Okies so thats the changes on the food side...now for the exercise....its REALLY time to up this. First thing the gym has coincidently starting yesterday a challenge of 50 classes between now and december 22... i wont meet that but ill register and go for it. I am also going to do 30 minutes of exercise morning and night. I will be starting this as off tomorrow (hurt my back on friday but should be fine by tomorrow) I am going to make myself attend classes....i wanna do body pump and body balance...and theres a new class on flexibility will try and attend that one when i can....when i cant make the gym it will be either a 30 minute walk or the biggest loser DVD. I am also considering doing a additional PT session of boxing for 10 weeks (still sussing out the finances on that lol) as long as i can afford it i will do that also. Whilst i wouldnt been at my goal weight in all honest i could be close to 100 kilos by mid 2010 if i follow this...if i dont...well maybe ill reach 130 kilos by then....the choice is mine.

Onto other things....at work they have me working on a project....a power point presentation which i think is a big deal...so far so good...hopefully they will like it and give me opportunities to do more things like this.

As to the back...i hurt it shopping lol pathetic huh? lol But while out shopping i did spend (got a $300 gift voucher) bought a pair of jeans, 2 pairs of 3/4 pants, 2 shirts and 3 pretty tops, a pair of shoes (which need to be returned), a pair of sunglasses, series 5 of Beverly hills 90210 and the biggest loser cookbook. I need to find some decent sandals that are suitable for work. Some of the clothes fit me...some i need to lose a lil weight to fit into...ill try them on again in 2 weeks and see how we go then. Okies enuff rambling....off to watch some more of BH90210 lol byessssssssssssss



Tracking:
b - 3 weetbix with banana and milk
s - slim shake
l - multigrain roll with chicken and mayo and 3 pineapple rings with juice
s - 3/4 cup of stewed apples
d - chicken in light evap milk with spinich, semi dried tomatos, onion over 1 cup raw pasta (cooked)
s - small handful of nuts and seeds

Life is good

Luscious days off i love em ! I have today off...then finish 3pm friday and dont work again till 11am monday PLUS i have wednesday and thursday off ! woot yay for annual leave and also yay for someone doing a shift swap so i can be "normal" this weekend and have a weekend off.

Monday i was off work with stomach aches...was a familiar pain to when i had the attacks last year so i took the side of caution...doc said my bowel was spasming...but seems fine now. I also asked him about the burning on my soles and he said my feet are flat and i prolly need more support in my shoes. But he also suggested i see a podiatrist so thats something ill do soon.

Yesterday at work jaimee and i were making plans for lunch (we were planning to sit outside then get a 20 minute walk in) anyway i said to her...well i gotta heat my lunch....and shes like .... what u got? and im like pasta with chicken in light evap milk with semi dried tomatos and spinich...she just looked at me and said listen to you...you are so different to what u were like a year ago...ur like a different person....then as we got up to go....she looks at me and goes...oh and those jeans are getting way loose ! lol what a lil ego boost =]

I logged into my work emails earlier today to see they have dispatched my $300 coles myer voucher ! woo hoo i see new clothes in my future. Tomorrow i finish work at 3pm then have to head out to the gym for a PT session...then shower and change and head out to ingle farm to meet some friends for din din. This weekend nothing is planned yet...but with luck i will get up to something.

Measurements and weighing in is on saturday,,,,so i will be back then with the results...not expecting any huge results...but we will see...!

Moods..

Last night after dinner...sat down and got in one of my "moods" i seem to get in these quite regularly on a friday or saturday nite (most weekends since ive started at the gym) altho i didnt get them last weekend...n i started wondering why its been happening since i started at the gym...i think before that i was miserable...i worked...slept then worked some more...so my moods were obviously quite low but they were consistent...now im out having some good times....so when it hits me its prolly more obvious. I did start to wonder last nite if its the depression creeping back but i dont think its anything more then being lonely. Which is a huge thing for me to admit lol. Generally as a rule the fact i live alone doesnt bother me...im quite content with it and use to it on a day to day basis...but i guess its more that ive hermitted myself for so long. I am getting out there meeting more people...but im still in a transition stage...in someways it would be quite easy to just revert back to my hermit ways...its the easy option...but its not the option i want. I wanna be going out on the weekends...i wanna meet someone....and i wanna have a good bunch fo friends to hang out with...a lot of the things that so many others take for granted. The good thing tho is when its happening im not wanting to go have takeaway etc as much...happened last nite and i ate my normal dinner didnt eat afterwards...so cant complain about that. Then of course i wake this morning feeling fine and everything back to normal.

My dietician wants me now tracking my exercise. I have a real sneaky suspicion when i go in next week shes gonna put the hard word on me going to the gym 4-5 times per week lol...dang it ! But it needs to be done i guess so fair enough...now that im feeling better on the treadmill its not as big a deal...i last about 30 minutes but the last 5 -10 minutes my soles burn which is a pain...i prolly really should be looking at doing classes...and doing them regularly like body pump...but in reality im a big chicken chit ! lol

Okies not much else going on...back to work (working on a sunday should be outlawed!)

Fun day out and about !

Well what a LONG but fun day today has been ! I started work at 7am and worked thru till 1pm (this was the boring part lol) then we jumped on a bus and headed out to wayville showgrounds for our rewards & recognition day (r&r). Walked in grabbed a glass of wine....then went into the hall for a presentation...heres the hall




Then we went out the back in the sunshine (okies too much sunshine im a lil burnt!) where there was food, drinks (including cocktails), massages, temporary tattoos, icecreams etc. Dave hughes from the rove show was MC (he came over to me and my friend jaimee to chat at one point...hes just like he is on tv) and then VANESSA AMAROOSI PERFORMED !!! After she sang i even managed to get my photo taken with her....ignore my huge arms but heres the photos....




Here she is with me, david, jaimee, and colin



Here is a photo of me, jaimee and colin



And Here is me, jaimee, colin and david (Lots of photos today lol)




It was a fun day, at the moment my feet ache, im a lil sunburnt and ill sleep like a log tonite ! There was a professional photographer there too...he took a few photos of us so once they upload them at work ill add them here. The other great thing was i had several comments about how well im looking...and jaimee even said to me...you look so different to a year ago...and i dont just mean weight...the way u are with people its like a different person....so i think we can say was a great day !

Days off...

Ahhhh days off...gotta love em ! I had yesterday and today off...go back tomorrow and then i work 8 out of 9 days ugh..but i did then put in for a few days off so i should *fingers crossed* have 4 days off. Tomorrow at work we have our O-Fest, which is a celebration. I start work at 7am and only work till 1pm....then we head out to wayville showgrounds...last year when they held it they had a hyponotist....that chick karin who use to appear on rove was mc...free drinks....free food...etc...went to the gym today and told my dietician...she wa like...limit it to 2 alcohol drinks and 2 small serves of snack food...altho obviously going for healthier foods...following that we are going to the goodwood pub for drinks to say farewell to my fave dork .... ryan.

The girl i met for coffee back in may since the dance has become very attentive towards me....last nite she was very full on. I mentioned it to a friend...and how i think some of her comments are innappropriate and i have a feeling she talk to max about it.

I think the gym wants me attending more....my dietician wants me writing down when i exercise as well as my food from now on...when i said buy to my personal trainer on tuesday she was like...when will u be back in....and when i left today and tuesday coralie (the manager) both times was like when u coming in next lol DAMN they keeping a eye on me...so need to get active with all this exercise stuff. I am finally now more confident on the treadmill today i had it up at level 5 ! Which for me is good...10 weeks ago i couldnt even do 3.7 it was just too fast for me...so thats much better...i quite like the treadmill the only thing about it is that i get burning on the soles of my feet...i could prolly last 45 minutes if it wasnt for that.

Okies time to cook dinner...off i go....enjoy ur weekend all =]

Good morning !

Well good morning all. Got today and tomorrow off yay but followed by working 8 out of 9 days blah. So whats been happening...let me see if I remember everything lol...

Every 8 weeks or so at work we have a one on one...which is a session with our team leader who tells us how were going...what we need to work on etc, as we have a acting team leader at the moment we had it with him. So i had mine yesterday....as to how im going all is fine as per norm but then he asked how im finding things .... so i told him...more then what i will put on here...anyway the gist was im not happy with the work were currently doing (and he understood why and completely agreed with what i was saying) anyway i told him the thought of leaving is there...so he said would u be interested working in another dept? He was like we definitely dont wanna lose u from the company...so i told him yes the dept id be interested in working in...and he told me he knows someone in there and hes gonna make some calls...even if theres no positions he gonna try and arrange a time for me to go in there (its in the city) and see the department and meet some people...so thats a positive. My friend Joe came back to work on monday...him and his partner tony just got back from 3 weeks in thailand and they bought me back a present ! its a lovely pink thai silk scarf.....so so so nice. Was good talking to Joe too...i told him about what i was thinking about work....and he was like ummm kazz....u prolly feel like this cos u dont go out enough...and u havent had a holiday for ages. And he is right. Of course i am off to melbourne in january and im thinking sydney (my fave place!) in april. Okies he also mentioned i need sex too hahahah but thats another story lol.

Since the dance my head has been full of lots. Its been amazing my whole...different thinking process now. Have I heard from any of the girls? yes i have. Robyn who gave meher phone number on saturday nite ive spoken to online each nite since...just casual fun chat. Anyway last nite she said do u wanna come into a MSN chat with me and dayne (her best friend) i was like sure...so shortly after going into the chat dayne asks me if i wanna come out dinner next thursday night with all of them? I of course said yes....im not interested in jumping into a relationship or anything...but i am interested in becoming friends with robyn and her friends and then wait n see what happens...so this is a good step =] i wont mention after telling jaimee about the dance she is now calling me princess skank ! LOL

DId a PT session last nite...i got a bit dizzy again...but me and my trainer think we have figured out why. One of the exercise i am working my pelvic muscles and i am bent at the hips while doing it...and we think i havent been focussing enough on breathing....for some reason i find this hard when exercising...im glad we know why now and can work on it. We were then doing squats against the wall and i was watching the clock and she said to me ive never had another client who watches the clock lol she said most people dont like to watch the time lol Okies thats enuff ... todays a big house cleaning day.....need to finish watching today then get on with it...enjoy your day all =]

What a night !

Okies firstly thank you to everyone who asked me late last nite or this morning how the dance was....to put it in one word it was FANTABULOUS !!!

Okies let me go thru the past couple of days...friday at work was horrendous was the worse day ive had there for a long time ... im a lil over the place to be honest but its paying the bills so thats all im concerned about LOL

Saturday morning i woke up....and my first thought was...what if i go to this dance...and feel like a complete wall flower and out of place as per normal...whats this gonna do to my motivation? So anyway up i got...went to the gym....saw the dietician...we had a chat about where i am at and where going forward i need to go. My food is completely under control...as she said i am in the zone...its now time to focus on attending the gym more.

I then left the gym and went home for a few hours before heading to have my hair done. Which they did a fab job with, the dance started at 8pm and 7pm i started getting ready...had a shower then opened a small bottle of champagne LOL then at bloody 7.20 pm felicity texts me and says meet us at this address...so i run around like crazy...get the taxi here a bit earlier and turn up at a house for someone i dont know ! lol (thank gawd id had that champagne to relax lol) anyway felicity came out and met me....we went in and she introduced me to 4 girls who are working on a social group for lesbians in adelaide called S4 and one of them was the hotchick...they are a really great bunch of girls...so much fun. We then went to the dance...and this was funny....reminded me of some of the things i like in a relationship. I sat down at the table HC (hot chick) came and sat next to me...asked me if i wanted one of my drinks i was like yes (was in their esky) so she grabbed it out....peeled the outer wrapper and took the lid of and passed it to me...i love that LOL i dunnno if its that i like bein pandered or what but i remember ang use to open all my drinks too and always liked that lil habit lol Anyway i ended up dancing quite a bit with HC but she danced with the others too...i dont think she is interested (and besides my friend felicity is HOOKED on her) but at one point she was like come on lets dance...she grabbed my hand and then held it as we got to the dance floor...when she dances...she doesnt dance lil girls do in a nite club...she like holds ya LOL...like her hand on my hips my hand on her shoulder etc and when we would pull apart she would grab both hands and we'd be linking fingers....now i dont know if id say it was romantic or anything i dunno if she links fingers etc with others when she dances....but i LOVED it...its been a long time since ive felt a level of closeness like that with a lesbian but i loved it...i danced my lil ass off. After we had been there for a while felicity comes up to me and says "noddi wants to meet u" (noddi is the chat name of someone from pink sofa) so i follow felicity outside where a bunch of girls from pink sofa were...some i knew ... some i didnt .... and felicity introduced me to noddi (okies gonna call her by her real name...which is robyn)we talked for quite a bit...then i went inside...and sat at their table...robyn came over and sat next to me and we talked some more...then a friend of hers asked for her phone number....then she wrote down her real name and the number on a piece of paper...and slid it over to me and said....heres my number for u karyn....wow .... totally blown away at this point...so i added it to my phone...asked her if she wanted to dance...she then told me she doesnt dance but i got up and danced some more...so the rest of the nite i flitted between the group HC was with and the group robyn was with lol...anyway robyn left by about 11pm as she had to play cricket today. Then omg theyfound a bag of ice and i got told my cleavage was too good and needed ice down it LOL...oh yeh can u tell there was lots of laughing and fun last nite? lol Then by the time the dance finished at midnight....about 8 of us went back to one of the girls place where we just all chatted and listened to some more music. (ummmm and a neighbour threatened to call the cops lol)Later in the evening felicity came over to me and said...do u like robyn? i was like...yeh shes nice....and shes like she likes you....i was like i dunno about that and shes like yeh she does so we will wait and see what happens on that front. What was really interesting is in the past when me and felicity have gone to these dances....we have sat at a table...danced occassionally and stuck by each others sides (prolly leading to some people to wonder if were a couple) but that so didnt happen last nite. We were both off talking to others...we still spent some time together and had a few dances...but i think it was good for both of us...i certainly was a bit of a social butterfly and absolutely loved it !

So am i motivated still with the healthy lifestyle? you betcha ! more then ever, i would never have had the confidence to just relax like that if i hadnt been going to the gym. The next dance is 13th december...i want by that dance to be in a size smaller in my jeans...i will buy a size smaller in the next week or so....and its time to ramp up the exercise and finish reclaiming my life ! Oh and heres a couple of pics...didnt realise my face was still so big,,,,and not great photos...but they aresome photos all the same ! Have a good sunday all...im off to finish recovering from this lil hangover lol....

Getting prepared for the dance !

Afternoon all. Yay the week is half over its wednesday.

Had a PT session last nite...we started a new program...and OMG....it killed ... it was really hard. Lots of squats, squats against a wall and holding...squats holding on to a bar,,,u name it...i squatted it ! lol

The dance is saturday nite. I have booked in to get my hair straightened saturday afternoon. Thursday night I am going shopping hopefully I will find a nice top to wear...if not saturday morning before the gym I will check out katies and myers. A girl who is going to the dance has sent me a few messages...shes a friend of felicitys...and she asked felicity if i am going to the dance last weekend. I also got invited out by 2 groups of people before the dance ! One is some of the girls i chat to in pink sofa chat room i ahve met a few of them at previous dances...they have asked me out for dinner...also this friend of felicitys (for arguement sake lets refer to her as hot girl lol) has invited me and felicity to pre drinks at a friend of hers place. So its all quite exciting and I am looking forward to a fun fun fun night!

Okies not much else to say !

Time to move on !

Well...so today was measuring day ! And TA DA in the last 22 days ive lost ANOTHER 20 centimetres thats nearly a centimetre per day ! go me !! i was stunned to say the least. I was hoping for a total of 5 centimetres...and as my dietician is measuring me shes like....are your clothes starting to fall of you? and me being me was sitting there blabbing away about my jeans now sit on my hips and not my waist when she tells me i have lost 20 centimres ! I was gobsmacked to say the least ! But so so so happy ! I also set me a "number on the scales" goal...as most know i dont focus on the scales anymore...but i have not got below 145 kilos for months ! (prolly 6 months) and one of my goals has been....to be under 145 kilos by the dance next saturday nite...im not far of it...and am kinda expecting it tomorrow or monday morning ! I also start a new program with my trainer tuesday night. Tha also means in 8 weeks i have lost a total of 46 centimetres !

Earlier this week at work jaimee turns around to me and says...kazz your not allowed to flirt with dan (he is our acting team leader for a few weeks) so i turn around and go i dont flirt...and shes like omg yes you do...you flirt with all the guys except you do it in this real innocent way cos your not actually interested. So i turn around to Ryan and say are you hearing this? Jaimee says I flirt (mind you i didnt think i KNOW how to flirt) and Ryans like....yeh you do. This lil bit of trivia has had me gob smacked all week...cos ive always thought i dont know how to flirt...but maybe i do...lol. Ive also discoverred a few things this week. Yanno I am a all or nothing type of person. I am either completely single or completely immersing myself with finding someone (online or not) and I had been thinking theres 2 paths in the road for me to choose...i can choose to immerse myself in a online life...which is easy to do...i dont lack in "girls" attentions online can eat wat i want...be fat...not look after myself...wouldnt matter...or i could try to get that real life get out there and do stuff and work on getting a girlfriend i thought these were my ONLY two options. Then last nite im in the pink sofa chat room with a bunch of girls talking about being single etc...and a friend said...I LOVED BEING SINGLE I HAD SO MUCH FUN...that one phrase has been in my mind since...and earlier today...i think something clicked. Yes i dont want a online life...but also i dont have to have a girlfriend tomorrow...it wont make me unsuccessful...but what i need to start doing is stop acting like a old married woman. Nothing against married women but hellooooooooooooooo im not married ! I am single...and I may be 40 but theres nothing saying I am not entitled to live the single life and enjoy it. I need to realise hell yeh i can flirt and from reports i am pretty good at it...i need to embrace more people and friendships...i need to start making plans for catchups with people i meet on the pink sofa...and catching up with some ole friends i have let fall by the way side. I need to stop telling anyone who listens "im old" i need to rip these walls down and yeh maybe ill get rejected ... maybe ill get rejected a lot but guess what i am gonna have fun while i get rejected ! I am going to go to this dance this weekend...i was asked by a few girls to meet before hand for dinner and i said YES and then i am gonna go...and im gonna smile...and im not gonna sit at the table and watch everyone im gonna dance my lil (well its getting littler!) ass off...have a couple of drinks...smile at girls...and maybe even talk to one or two ! Its done with...this whole f**king mourning perios or whatever that has been going on since i split with ang is dont with...im over it...im ready...to move on....and get my life back and stop watching it pathetically pass by. Im also going to email feast tomorrow and ask them when i can go in and do some office work there (gonna do a half day on one of my days off)...

Okies thats enuff for one nite...

i feel good !

Well the new hairdo seems to be a success. When ryan picked me up tuesday morning he screamed (lol just like a girl) and then i had so many people at work compliment me on it...on both the colour and the fact I now have a fringe....and even today 4 people who commented on tuesday about it have said today it really looks good and so shiny...so im very very happy. And this of course is making me start to feel really confident. Ive been doing a bit of selftalk...when I talked to my dietician the other day i told her one of my goals and motivations is to eventually be able to meet someone....and she talked to me about it and about how i DESERVE it...so i have been trying to talk to myself in my crazy lil head more about i deserve it...instead of when theyre are offers to go out of thinking no...ill just be the fat girl instead thinking...NO i DESERVE a nite out...and chit i work 40 hours a week i think i do deserve it !

The scales were up about 600 grams today but my clothes feel looser :) My jeans are sitting lower on my hips...and they actually feel comfortable now. So i actually feel really good today. Its been about 9 weeks now...im still going strong. Sure i aint lost heaps in kilos...(around 6 i think) but i know the centimetres are coming off and thats the main thing. Saturday i get measured again...im aiming for a total loss of 5 centimetres. I am also going to be a gel seat pad for the bike and try to start using the bike more...im not great on the treadmill and the only way to get my heart beat up more really is to increase the speed which scares me or increase the gradient (at 6 the other day felt like i was going to fall off it) Saturday morning tho after my dietician session i am planning to do a body balance class which goes for a full hour. Not much else going on this weekend all tho I may venture to the movies...okies off to do some work enjoy ur day all

OMG is that a social life I see???

well had a few interesting days. I have made plans to go to the golden dance...thats on the 18th...am meeting up with felicity and we are sitting on the S4 table (lesbian social club here in Adelaide) and then tonite for the first nite in absolute months i logged into the pink sofa chat room...and there was a friend i have caught up with a few times at the golden dance in the past...she wanted to know what i was doing on the 17th (yes the night before the dance)..advised her i was not working and free ( well not FREE in the monetary sense of course !) so she is getting a bunch together to go out on that nite...to some new club at HQ (I am so out of the loop i have no idea so just nodded LOL) or the crazy horse (ummm ok thats a strip joint OMFG!!!) but anyways regardless it will be fun...theres about 7 people going...and i know 3 of them...so i shouldnt feel too out of it. Then there is the dance on saturday nite...i have had someone message me who me and felicity spotted at the last dance...not sure why she has messaged me...but her and felicity are friends and she is organising the table we will be sitting at for the dance...im sensing a good weekend coming up, and of course next sunday arvo i am off to the volunteer introductory session for feast...where i plan to volunteer during november... okies...well that was a exciting lil update...can we say life is looking up...and in the words of my dietician...life is good and i feel happy and i DESERVE that....ciao chickas till next time !

Oh Im slack....

Firstly thank you to everyone who left comments about the job...I had the phone interview today and can we say "she rambles a hell of a lot"? Its close to 8 years since ive had a job interview and I dont feel I handled it very well...supposedly if you got past this stage of the testing then you get a call back from close of business tomorrow nite. I am not expecting a call in all honesty. Am i upset? No not really...i figure if i am meant to work there Ill get it...if im not meant to then i wont...no dramas. I have established tho that I hate job interviews lol anyway will know by tomorrow nite whether I move on to the next stage...if i dont i think i will look out for a job in the city with optus...the fact of how close I am to my long service leave is a factor.

Onto weight loss...how has it been going? Well not great the last week...I havent been eating junk food but not following things appropriately and havent been to the gym. I think what does my head in all the time is the whole length of how long this will take...but to be honest i need to build a bridge and get over that issue. I have a dieticians appointment at 7am tomorrow morning (yes gawd 7am!!!) and i was so tempted to just blow it off..but no...i will go...and after ive been i will get on that treadmill and do 30 minutes. I think also I just need to start doing classes and start pushing myself. I really wanna be under 135 by the time I go to melbourne so its time to really focus.

Okies I wrote the above like 5 days ago and never posted it LOL

Okies...so wats been happening? saddddddddddd sadddddddddddddd news ryan is leaving me ! Ryan is my best bud at work and he has a new position in the company...so now i will be left to bug him via facebook (gotta love technology) but I am real sad about it...hes such a good friend. One of my friends said when we found out..."how will you cope you are like twins?" so its gonna be a very sad kazz on 17th october =[

I went back to the gym yesterday. Had a huge chat about my head with my dietician. I was telling her about how i find i can lose 20 kilos quite easily cos ive done that about 4 times in the past but then something happens. And she has asked me if I am worried about the attention I would get if I lost say 40 or 50 kilos. And at the time i was like ugh i dunno...but more so then that (cos lets face it...i am a bit of a attention seeker!) its prolly a lack of confidence of keeping the weight OFF...and then becoming the centre of attention for all the wrong reasons and also if i lost 50 kilos and was still single...i would be then left to think holy crap must be something else wrong with me !

I had my hair cut and coloured yesterday and omg i have a fringe ! Im not positive getting it cut into a fringe was a wise decision but it can always be grown out. I also went a slightly lighter colour. Before the golden dance in a few weeks I plan to go to the hairdressers and get them to blow dry it and then i will take a photo before going out that nite.

hmmmm okies not much else....get to see the lilest princess tomorrow...shes down in adelaide with her mum to see dora no less ! lol