Moving On...

Yesterday i went to the gym....i did body pump and then did body balance....then towards the end of the class...i started to have visions of me and a meat pie :( Couldnt get it out of my brain. I was gonna go have one....by the time i got to my locker tho i knew that wasnt gonna happen...gave myself a good talking too and stayed on 1200 calories for the day. Then last nite i was watching that new aussie show "Big"...it was so motivating! The guy when he started reminded me of me...limited relationships...hid in the house...didnt like dealing with people especially groups of people. Im better with that these days,,,that was one thing that struck me when i met Jo and her friends...i felt comfortable and while i was definitely quieter then Jo i also definitely talked :) It was a great reminder of where i DON'T want to go too.

Today i have PT then im gonna try and do 30 minutes of 3 minutes running and 1 minute walking...apparantly i have issues when it comes to running for 3 minutes lol...so im doing it at a much slower speed...its still hard for me but its doable. My breathing just really sucks when it comes to running. Tomorrow morning 7am body combat class! (oh thats gonna be hard being at the gym at 7am!) then some more running...then Ill see Amy to be weighed in...I sense a small gain coming my way (jumped on the scales yesterday and it showed a 800 gram gain...hopefuly tomorrow it wont be SO bad) Then afterwards im going to get my eyebrows waxed...mite go to the heart shop to get them to look at my HRM...and then its clothes shopping. I need to find something to wear for saturday nite for the gym awards dinner "thing" lol Ive got my knee high boots on layby which ill pick up tomorrow....a dress or skirt that would go with them would work perfectly. It would be really nice to be able to go out wearing something i feel good in....the biggest problem being im kinda a "inbetween" size....i have issues with shopping at the plus size stores...i simply DONT WANT TOO...i know if i went to places like city chic...i would prolly fit in there small to medium sizing...but damn its a plus size store ;) and whilst especially on top i can fit into size 16's on the bottom half im still a size 18...prolly a size 20 at times.

I need to start focussing more on how GOOD it will feel to hit that 76 kilo mark. I know its still a while away (18-19 kilos) but ive always "visualised" with my weight loss and that has helped to motivate me...but ive never really thought to much about "76 kilos" its a distant number...that doesnt seem to be the number for me....ive kinda settled in at 94-95 kilos lately...lol...its like a comfy zone...im double digits...but far from slim but im kinda "okay" hre...BUT i dont wanna be KINDA okay...i wanna be healthy and one of those people in the healthy weight zone. And so with that said it really is time to knuckle down with the diet. I have been drinking diet coke but im not too fussed about that at this STAGE. I just need to be getting my protein up...staying with in my calories....eating lots of fruit and vegies and going from there. I think i would like to set the goal by the end of june to be under 90 kilos...thats 6 weeks...thats completely doable...especially as in another 2 weeks ill be off work and can do all my plans for my gym classes and really knuckle down.

Oh i did something yesterday that really caught me off guard! LOL I saw on the arm of my sofa...didnt really think too much of it....was there a few minutes then was like holy hell...look at me....no concern im gonna break it LOL....thats a first!!

Complacency

I have come to the conclusion that i have just become darn complacent over this whole weight loss jig! The last month i have gone fluctuated by about 2-3 kilos. I know some of the bad eating has been related to some stresses I prolly bring on myself with a certain relationship. Must admit im bothered that i have become complacent! I mean I am still exercising....but i suspect i am eating how I should be at maintenance. I had great plans to start counting calories again this week....but when it came to doing it i was like...blah....cant be stuffed (cos its such a damn effort *insert incredibly sarcastic tone*). Some of my tools have broken of late...my heart rate monitor has decided to die....cannot get a heart rate at all on the damn thing :( so i really have NO idea how hard i am working and what calories i am burning. My scales broke over the weekend...so i have lost a level of accountability there too. Im seriously tired of chicken and roast vegies for dinner! BLAH shoot me now!!! I also wonder why i have become complacent...i wonder if its cos i am now under 100 kilos...that mark doctors thought i would never see...or maybe its cos a cute girl has looked my way (this was always a fear for a long time....that dating or meeting girls would lead me to be distracted)

I was gonna wait till i get my bonus in june to organise another heart rate monitor....i *think* the issue is the strap and so think maybe i should just go and buy another strap and see what happens. I should also prolly invest in some new scales. But will just getting my "tools" working again magically get me back in the right head space. Not that i think my headspace is awful at the moment...but its annoying me.....My 4 months of work starts in 2.5 weeks....the whole aim of these holidays was to get to goal..to dedicate 3-4 months solely to me....but the holidays havent even started and my head isnt in the game UGH. I remember Nat who lost about 60 kilos....and then she struggled and i remember her saying afterwards her friend (who was a psychologist from memory) said....whats wrong with maintaining for a while after losing 60 kilos....and in the back of my mind i keep hearing that...but at the same time i know i NEED to get to goal weight....i dont doubt for a second if i dont get down to at least 76 kilos i will eventually put the weight back on. I know people say no your a different person know...but deep down im still the same...just a few less fat layers....i still could go eat a feast at KFC....i still could turn into a sloth sitting on the couch every nite with some chocolate. Its one of those times where i wish things could just "click" in to place again....its happened before and hopefully as before it does click in again and hopefully it happens in the next 2 weeks......cos lets face it...its kinda pointless busting my ass at the gym if im not eating perfectly.

Then again maybe its that im at a point where i am okay with how i look....i certainly (in my eyes need to lose more...and in my eyes i look like i need to lose 25-30 kilos) especially around my hips/thighs/stomach...but at the same time i know i look "okay" not fab...not good....but passable....and when i dress up to go out i dont feel like the huge blimp i once felt like.

Then again maybe its time to just get back to the tracking and busting my ass at the gym....no questioning it...

No Excuses....Time to refocus...

So the foxy challenge for the gym officially finished for me today. Over the 12 weeks i lost 8.1 Kilos...my body fat dropped by 2.1% (i think!). I finally finished my diary and handed it in (i was like a kid with a school assignment i had put off and off) Im pretty happy with the results...i always say i never complete things...but i actually completed this. so wooo hooo for me :) Anyway its done and dusted...only the foxy dinner next saturday nite and then its fully completed.

Over the last few weeks tho i really havent done as good as i could be doing. After my binge just before easter....i got back on track but not like normal. Ive been drinking diet coke, been having chocolate daily and today was the first day i have done any classes at the gym for nearly two weeks!!! I am sore currently from thursday nites session....and im pretty sore all over (see what a mean trainer i have!) The sides of my rib cages ache, my shoulders ache, my outer lower thighs ache,,,,my abs ache...get the picture? lol So today I did PT....and did manage to row 1km in 4 minutes 15.08 seconds....far from the fastest in the gym (they are having a lil contest at the moment) but still a improvement on my previous time. Fiona then had me run 3 minutes at 8.5 on the treadmill...i dieddddddddddddddddddd i swear im not for this running!!! My breathing sucks during it. But she wants me to practice at slow speeds...so honestly i will ;) I then went and did body pump and then body balance. Because i was sore already pump was agony lol and since it had been weeks i used small weights lol but body balance while i sucked i realised i had really missed that class! So after several weeks of not really being focussed its time to get refocused!!! This week i am only working monday and tuesday so NO excuse for not gyming it...so heres this weeks plan:

sun - 4.5 km walk
monday - combat + PT
tuesday - day off
wednesday - body pump + body balance
thursday - body Pump (yes i know i shouldnt do it two days running - but ill go real heavy wednesday and light on thursday) + PT + combat + body balance
friday - body combat
saturday - PT + body pump + body balance

No excuses...and of course i am gonna go back to counting calories...but more so then counting calories i wanna start to focus on more for eating for performance (something i may need to research a lil bit) but there has been way to much white bread, chocolates (yum!) and diet coke sneak back into my diet over the last few weeks. So this morning i was 94.8 kilos....by next sunday i wanna me 92.5 or lower...over 2 kilos but i am pretty sure if i knuckle down i can do it. Plus no excuses i have plenty of time this week!! I only have 18 kilos to go...in reality i could be at goal within 5 months .... my problem is a cute gal smiles at me and i lose all focus! lol but enuff is enuff....gotta get this done once and for all!

I also need to focus more on trying to succeed what i mean is...i do okay with different things...but when it comes to exceeding that belief isnt there...in my head im always the girl that comes second...so thats something i need to work in...and maybe push myself more to realise maybe occassionally i could come first ;)

FOXY CHALLENGE PICS UPDATE

So the girl who i met for a drink last friday nite mentioned on that nite going out on our own for dinner and a movie. So this morning I texted her and said do you wanna do that this weekend? She replied...she would love too but she is off to geelong this weekend for her mums 60th so we would need to do it the following week....so have replied back and told her i have plans the saturday nite but the friday nite would work....so appears the weekend after this one i may have a "date" Im not putting any expectations on this except maybe i will make a new friend out of this...(cos i could always do with more!) but i am interested so we will see what happens. I have that day off work too so that kinda works out well But the truth of the matter is even if it doesnt work out....this getting out there stuff has helped me. The last time i met someone and they showed interest was when i was about 135 kilos about 6-7 years ago just after i split with Ang. I thought at the time this girl....apart from being a tad stalkerish lol was just a tad crazy... why on earth would someone like me once they had SEEN me. I dont believe i have a attractive face (altho these days i am liking it better) to the point i hate even looking in the mirror...im fat...i have/had a body completely out of proportion. But yanno when i got dressed for last friday nite...i knew i looked pretty good (the wonders of makeup) and whilst im not slim im not huge....and there was someone who seemed attentative to me and appears to have not been replused by me...so its a learning experience...just gotta drill it into my brain now.

Last nite fiona wanted me to do intervals so i ran for a total of 12 minutes...I managed 10 minutes of running interspersed with 6 minutes of walking before i died and told her i gave up! lol I really dont have the cardio fitness for this running thing...and i can handle sweating...i can handle having to move my legs fast but that whole puffing trying to catch my breath stuff is for the birds!!! LOL Completely dislike it and really dont think i can ever build my stamina/fitness up to that. But the running thing is still a goal....really what i want is to be able to run...i just am not so keen on putting in the work to be able to run ;) LOL

Weighed in tonite....lost 1.1 kilos....so down to 94.4 kilos...18.4 kilos to goal...how amazing is that? Amy (my food coach) also commented how for my weight my body fat is really quite low. So BONUS

So things are happening...maybe some of those goals of a social life....and maybe even a partner arent just pipe dreams that will never happpen...maybe there is a possibility of having what I really want :)

Progress Pics

Lots happening lately!!! I met a girl of the pink sofa on friday nite for a few drinks at the wheaty....all went really well :) and we are planning to go out by ourselves to a movie and dinner at some stage ;)

I also went shopping today....bought 2 pairs of size 18 jeans from the NORMAL section at target...and they fit perfectly!!!! Also tries on some zip up knee high boots and they did up over my calves so very impressed! (i lay-byed them) and to celebrate heres a pic taken today at 94.6 kilos (76.3 kilos lost) in one of the new pairs of jeans!!

Motivation

So Tania asked the question of how do i stay motivated. So i decided to use that question as a basis for a post. And its actually not a easy question to answer and for ME is made up of several different answers.

So the first part of the answer is...i was over 170 kilos...going back there scares the bejeezus out of me. I dont want to get back to a situation where a short walk was too hard for me...where the highhlight of me day is eating KFC for dinner while staring at a computer screen. I just refuse to go back there....so i have no other choice but to either maintain or lose more weight. I often think about the saying.....that time will pass either way...and i will either lose, maintain or gain....im going with the first option.

In line with that i am also convinced if i dont reach 76 kilos or lower then i will regain it all back. So while yes im not perfect and will fall of the wagon at times i always will get back on it.

Having lost so much weight....and getting told regularly "your an inspiration" imagine how mortifying it would be to put on all the weight again. I just couldnt handle so other peoples expectations certainly play a part in this.

The gym completely motivates me...you can guarantee if im not on track i havent been to the gym...once ive gone back i generally get in that right headspace again...im not sure if its the exercise itself or just being around healthy minded people but it works....slack off at the gym and everything else seems to follow along.

Of course Fiona is a HUGE motivating factor. I remember when i first started training with her....id been training for a few months and it was when the dreaded TRX was completely doing my head in...and i sent her a message saying i needed a break from the gym etc and i will never forget her reply cos often when im having a moment when i wanna ditch it all i often think of this and it was jsut a simple "are you doing this to punish yourself" and ultimately going off track is going to hurt no one but me...we have to take responsibility for this journey ourselves good and bad. Of course now after training with her for nearly 3 years i dont even think i could quit my PT sessions LOL i would feel so guilty and I know she would be disappointed and whilst of course she would get over it its ultimately hurting myself. The gym itself and the empowerment of getting fit gives you helps motivate me too. The classes i do...especially classes like body balance which can have some rather tricky moves etc in them....to attend the class week after week then one week realise....wow i do this so much better now...its a fabulous feeling....everytime i improve at a exercise or step or whatever its another step closer to normality. Its another step away from me being "the fat girl" Whilst fiona doesnt sit there and check on my weight etc there is motivation in other ways....especially lately where we have been figuring out times for me to do things...like the treadmill...the rower...and fiona often tells me the time she can do the same thing in and i find that INCREDIBLY motivating...she is a trainer i dont expect to be able to do things better then her...im kewl with me coming in second when its between the two of us....but to come close to her times...or even beat her times (and that has happened once!!!) its hugely motivating.

The other thing is .... the place im at right now is pretty cool...i have under 20 kilos to get to the heatlhy weight range for my height...i caught myself in the mirror at the gym the other day and whilst yes i am still hippy and big thighs i was stunned by how small (not counting my boobs!) i look on the top half...i mite even say i look "normal" on that top half. My body is certainly getting shape...my legs are slowlyyyyyyyyyyyyyy getting smaller...nearly every week i notice something new...whether its feeling new bones...change in shape or whatever its all changing...now more then it has previously that in itself is motivating...i would be insane after getting this close to goal to ever give up....the other thing is....to give up would be a huge lifestyle change for me. Its not just about the food...sure i could eat KFC every night but do i really want a lifestyle where i go to work come home and sit in front of the tv eating crap food??? I dont want food to be the highlight of my day like it once was...what i do want is to go to the gym....and despite my grumblings walk out of there feeling happy, accomplished and knowing its another step closer to where i want to be :)

Well i havent posted for a bit. Its been a busy emotional week which involved emotional eating! oops!! I knew i was meeting mum for lunch on thursday (hadnt seen her since january) which always stresses me...and lo and behold the 3 days before i went a lil bit insane on the food side of things :( Anyway met mum for lunch on thursday so thats all done and dealt with.

After 6 days without gymming it felt "foreign" to be back in the gym. But all went well. Firstly i weighed in and gained 2.9 kilos - oops!!! I have tried to just get back on track the last few days...not counting calories just putting better food in my gob and im down 1.3 kilos :) Monday i will start tracking the calories again.

Tuesday i am heading back to the gym...(has been closed most of easter) ill be doing a fat burner class and body balance which should be good :)

I just ordered last week the two Jillian books i dont have...one is called unlimited and the other is called "making the cut" im mostly interested in making the cut as her plan in that book is what i will start to follow when i hit about 83 kilos (about 13 kilos from where i am now) and will involve changing my calorie intake quite a bit...i have a idea on how she thinks you should do that last 5-7 kilos...and im excited knowing i have a new plan for that side of things. Only 13 or so kilos to go and i can move onto that phase :)

Not really much else to say...hope everyone is having a good easter!!!!

Oh its a long one.............

Im reading a book at the moment called "born to run" great book about this mexican tribe who run barefoot - they dont run short distances they will run the equivilent of 2 marathons in a day then get up the next day and do it all again and will do it either barefoot or in sandals!! More then the greatness of what they are doing some of what i am getting out of this book is the "mindset" of things. Theres one bit in the book where the authors explains men do this,,,women do this....even 85 year old guys do this...running hundreds of miles....and while in our society if we see a 85 year old guy doing about his daily stuff and we think "oh he is so sprightly" the author questions....how can a 85 year old guy run this much? And the reason is cos he never got told he CANNOT. Its so true....we get conformed to our perceptions...ideas by others. I have said many times that my mum never let me ride a bike. I was too dangerous for it....i would injure myself....so ive never owned a bike and whilst i would love a bike....i do live near two main roads and even tho i guess i could ride it on the suburban back streets...my mums perceptions are a lil too entrounced in my brain and so i do believe if i got a bike...id end up flat on a main road being carted off in a ambulance. So at this stage the bike thing is still on hold. And its these perceptions that people put on us that form who we are today. When i was in high school i was a huge fan of the young doctors...i thought nurse tanya was the ants pants!! I wanted to be her!!! lol I loved all that nursing stuff...i read all sue bartons books (she was a student nurse) i really wanted to be a nurse back then....but my mum constantly said "but u cant stand the sight of blood" so whether i coulda handled it or not...i decided i couldnt. I always liked kids....still adore them today....so my mum would always tell me i should be a teacher. That was a good respectable job eh? I did work experience at several primary schools and that was the plan....but was that what mum expected so thats what i was gonna do or was it my choice...cos lets face it if i wanted involvement in a kids life so much wouldnt i have looked into ways into have a kid? We then moved to Adelaide my home life got a bit messed up....and so at 17 i moved out of home. Suddenly i was scraping together hours at target to come up with money for oh i dunno rent and food! Suddenly it wasnt about careers it was about managing to keep my head above water (i did move home twice but they were both short lived adventures ;)) I worked at target for several years....then the goal become that i wanted a full time job....mum was always on my ass about banks....so i applied and lo and behold got a job at BankSA. I worked there for 10.5 years. I was very career orientated while there especially the last 5 years or so but then something distracted me....called chat rooms and a computer. I became obsessed with them....and prolly from staying up all nite i suddenly had glandular fever and so i used it as a excuse to quit the bank. That was the start of where my life really went to chit and i dont know if i have even posted this before. I quit the bank...i had a MORTGAGE...i had recieved a sizeable payout....and for the next year barely left my house except to get food....i was behind on the mortgage and still my life was just focused on the chat rooms. I had lost complete concept of reality. Anyway 18 months after i quit the bank i finally got another job at optus. YAY had some money coming in. Not too long after that I went on a holiday to my sisters. A full week with no computer. (she had a computer but i didnt use it) it was like i was in detox! I had a week of not worrying about chat rooms....not having the worry of debt collectors at my door....it was not a overly exciting holiday....me and my sister lazed around reading magazines and watching tv....i seemed to permanantly have my nephew on my lap...we went out and did some site seeing it was nice and relaxing and for once i started to think about me and where my life was at. I went home and the next day for the first time prolly ever i took a stand against my mum. As i didnt drive i use to have to leave 2 hours before work started to get their (had to catch a bus and a train with suck ass timings) i knew i couldnt catch up on the mortgage repayments and i knew staying where i was .... was not the answer. But at this stage of my life i still ran EVERY decision past my mum and if she didnt agree guess who didnt do it??? Anyway i rang her this morning (she knew what i was about to tell her was a option) i told her....dont try and talk me out of this....but im going to declare myself bankrupt today end of story. And i did .... as said as it was to lose the house and even now how financially damaging that has been for me....if i hadnt done it....id prolly be dead by now over 200 kilos still not giving a chit about myself or my home. So that happened....i moved....got a lil unit....put on a lil more weight ;) till eventually a few years later i started on this weight loss track. My point to this ramble...and i seem to have lost it somewhere along the track. When young i just tried to make ends meet....then i got to a point i was too big for a career....what i mean by that is....if your big your choices are limited. A office job with no face to face contact with customers is perfect for the fat girl....and its what i do now. My whole focus for the last few years has been my long service leave...i have wanted it and no way i was gonna leave my position to put that at risk....i mean 3.5 months off work is a awesome present!!! But the fact of the matter is the long service leave will finish at some point....and that leaves me with the question of do i wanna do this job for the next 20 years....ummmmm NO. Ive been thinking about this for a few weeks. In a perfect world I would do the PT course and be rich and happy with that! But the reality is there are no certaintys with that career (well there arent with any but lemme explain) i know full time work is rare...you either go out on your own which i guess has the risks of any self owned business or you work in a gym where its not likely to be full time work...at least not till your experienced. That is the only thing that puts me off becoming a personal trainer...i think i would love the work...maybe even rock at it....but being single i would need to be very careful. Which then leads me to if i dont do that (and trust me im still leaning toward the PT very much so) then what do i do.....do i opt for a 9-5 receptionist type role (yanno only skinny attractive girls get those!!!) or do i reach for the stars? I know i would like a "active" role....when i was about 16/17 i applied for the army (yes really!!!) i passed all the tests except the pyschologist thought it was better i wait a year or two...of course i never reapplied...or maybe the police force? Certainly wouldnt be bored there and wouldnt necessarily be stuck behind a desk!! I know regardless what I decide to do i need to get my drivers licence *ugh* but i do need to make some plans....focus on whatever i decide it to be....and then soon as i am at goal start working towards whatever it is. When i started this journey it was to get a life...a social life and a gf....im 18 kilos from goal and really still dont have any of those things. And thats my own doing cos i dont "put myself out there" enough...and i know that....and i may never have a gf or even a fabulous social life....but i can get myself a "life" with time hopefully my weekends will involve working towards runs etc and working towards a career that will actually make me happy and be fulfilling!

Okies enuff ramble...off to read more of my book!

I think I need to really put a plan in action for this running thing if i am ever gonna do it. I have downloaded the C25k program more times then i can count....i do a few sessions then dont seem to make it back to it. Maybe i just need to pick a speed on the treadmill...do say 3 minutes...(dunno if i can even last 3 minutes) then the next session do 4 minutes...then 5 minutes etc. The whole thought of just getting outside and running without feeling like i am going to have a heart attack is so enticing...but i guess im stuck on getting from the cant run to being a runner stage...the gym had a running group...i should have done that :(

Went shopping for gym clothes today....two tops...two pants...all size 16 so YAY :) I also had been listening to Jillians radio show earlier in the week and she was talking about to help the hormones balance out use only products (beauty etc) that you put on your skin that are chemical free. So threw out my shampoo, conditioner, deoderant and soap today. I bought some goats milk soap and shampoo, conditioner and deoderant by sukin. Had a shower earlier and washed my hair...all was a success :)

This morning i was at the gym BRIGHT and early...7am in fact!!! Holy crap!!! lol did body combat and 10 mins on the treadmill...so 500 calories burnt in a hour so YAY me.

My long service leave has been bought forward....first day is now may 30 cannot wait to spend all that time dedicated to my weight loss :) Ok off i go ... enjoy all!

5 YEARS TODAY :)

Well...HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my journal....5 years ago today i started it :)

Struggling with the whole weight loss thing...appears im gonna have a small gain again this week (500 grams) im a lil over 1 week having a big loss then 3-4 weeks of small fluctuations...maybe its a plateau...i dont really know...when i jumped on the scales tomorrow if i weigh 94 kilos or more im not going to my weigh in....and going to take that as a sign of no more weighing in at the gym. Im not overly worried about that....only thing that is honestly stopping me at this stage is that it is handy having someone measure me....also i like knowing the body fat...as the aim is to get under 25% body fat. Today is a low calorie day...1200 calories...and im gonna work my ass of at the gym tonite in hope i may be able to pull out a tiny loss (id be so friggin happy with a 100 gram loss! lol) So tonite...its cardio sculpt class...then 20 minutes of interval running....then body combat class...then a double PT session...fingers crossed it leads to a loss! I really am thinking...1200 calories per day and 5-6 days of exercise burning at least 500 calories per day (i always do 3 days 800 calories or more which i could hopefully get up to 4000 calories burnt for the week...this weeks calorie burn was only 3077 calories...so if i did add another 1-2 days per week...i could hit 4000 calories burnt.

So thats the plan at this rate....we will see what happens...have a good day all!

I wrote this post....then went and read one of my fave blogs "bitchcakes" and saw her ormal weekly post "things i accomplished this week" and then walked away...but as i walked i got thinking about how cool it is she does that each week...shes at goal....but she is still working towards things each week. So maybe thats what i need to do...i dont know how really to take the focus of the scales its something i have always struggle with but i might start doing just one post per week "great moments of the week" or something...and especially with the fitness stuff put more about what i am ACCOMPLISHING.

Reassessing....

I am thinking its time for some reassessment. As much as people think i shouldnt have my scales at home...in some ways they are a help. Being a daily weigher over the last week i have noticed 2 things....the first is eating 1200 calories a day without exercise does not mean the scales will budge (and often fluctuate) but the days i am noticing the scales move are the big exercise days. Whether im eating 1200...1600 or 1800 calories.....it seems to be if i burn at least 800 calories that day i see a move on the scales in the right direction to some degree. Now im pretty educated on nutrition and i eat rather well....Amy when she looked at my food diary agreed i eat "very well rounded" so i think nutrition wise at this stage everything is fine. The calorie cycling seems to work. What i think needs to alter is the exercise. My PT sessions I think are just what i need for this stage...a lot of *ghastly* cardio with one weights session...altho the thought of throwing in a boxing session once a fortnight just to break things up is in the back of my mind. And i gym it 4 days a week currently...3 days per week i go pretty hard core....tuesday nite is weigh in nite and i tend to be a lil slack there. I think at this stage what I need to do is increase my exercise, and what I think I need to do is 5 nights a week the weeks i work on the weekends...the weeks i dont do 6 days a week. Now i printed up michelle bridges intermediate exercise program today and im gonna do the same next week for the advanced and the lean and strong one. I think what I do on mondays, thursdays and saturdays currently works (altho i noticed this week she set a mini triathlon mite even try that tomorrow!) But i am thinking tuesday, wednesdays and fridays i need to go in too...there is 3 cardio plans that i could follow on those days. I could just start from her beginners program...which does include a "learn to run" program and i could work thru to the advanced program. Which would give me some quite precise stuff to do...there is weights in it as well...but i could leave that for later. Maybe if i can do this...and hit over 4000 calories burnt per week or more...my losses mite get moving...cos whilst this week is a good loss...the scales have barely moved this week (in fact they were 93.9 tuesday morning and 94.1 this morning :( ) It gets quite demoralising...i know im healthier...fitter etc....but when i think its taken nearly friggin 5 years....a awful lot of money....a awful lot of time at the gym... a awful lot of scrummy food i have avoided and got out of my system....yet still im in size 18-20 trousers. Was thinking of splurging on some exercise pants from Lorna Jane....but the pants i wanted only went up to a large size...and even size XL i wouldnt friggin fit into !! I know my hips and that are shrinking...but it seriously pisses me off..its like a never ending trip...75 kilos and i still cant fit into pants from a normal store....add to that several friendships have altered....which i dont know but do feel may be related to my weight....its just frustrating as hell. Cos when i reread my very first post on this journal "i wanted back my life" and in a lot of ways i am no closer to it now then i was 5 years ago...except i weigh less...anyway enuff rambling....have a good weekend all!

One happy chick still!

I am still a bit stunned about last nights weigh in. I did expect a loss of 700 grams as thats what my scales had shown since saturday and I knew i only had 1.7 kilos to lose to get to the 75 kilos but still rather stunned! I think the best part is not that I have lost 75 kilos but that I have under 20 kilos to lose. That seems amazing but must admit it gets me thinking that i cant imagine losing 20 kilos will be enough. To me i think i still need to lose another 30 kilos. Whilst i know some will think i am insane the photos i have uploaded are me in tight jeans....trust me the suck everything in and make me look slimmer then i really am.

Jaimee said something the other day that got me thinking...she was like i know when you get to goal...you will just set a new goal....and the possibility is i could be at goal by the end of the year (OMG!) but i think i need to seriously consider what happens then. This weight loss journey has been everything for the last practically 5 years....and to ensure I stay at goal i wanna make sure i dont get to goal and think "is that it?" i wanna get to goal and think ok next thing i wanna work on in life is.........................

No idea whar the hell the blank will be that will fill it in....apart from the obvious PT course...but i think just aimlessly going to the gym ill get bored....ill need to have a "physical" side of things to work towards at that point (which is still a while away). I wish i had got into running better cos then it would be like...working towards some awesome running thing...but i have serious doubts ill ever truly be a runner. I know pretty much im at goal i can do whatever i want...whether its tavel...exercise....whatever....its prolly more that i wont know what i want! lol

75 KILOS LOST!!!

OMG IM FREAKING OUT!!!! I lost 2.1 kilos tonite!!! woooo freaking hoooo!! So i now weigh 95.5 kilos (seriously that sounds TINY!!!) So i have lost 75.4 kilos...AND i have only 19.5 kilos to "goal" and to celebrate the occassion i uploaded a new pic from saturday nite ;)!!

Its a new week...

Wow what a busy social weekend I had...was great!!

Friday nite i went out with friends to a local pub for dinner. I had a yummy chicken salad with crushed macadamia nuts thru it....was so freaking yuM!!! Then we went to the wheaty for a few drinks (only mineral water for me :)) Saturday morning I gymmed it...PT session....and fiona had me run one interval on the treadmill at 8.5 on a 2% incline (the rest were 8.2)...i swear i thought i was friggin gonna die....i really just wanted to say noooooooooooooo but ugh i freaking got thru. Also rowed the 2km on the rower...my time was 8mins 59 secs so 1 second off my best time....dont seem able to get under the 8 mins 58 seconds. Saturday i popped into my favourite second hand store...they had all summer stuff out for 50 cents each! LOL bought 6 tops fro $6.50 - bonus!!

Saturday night went out for dinner with Jaimee...went to a real nice restuarant...had barramundi with a rocket and orange salad...and had a few of jaimees kilfer potatos...super yummi then we headed to the wheaty as Jaimee decided i NEED a girlfriend...lol but we lucked out there. Did have one VERY interesting conversation with Jaimee. She was basically saying she would never wanna compete with me for anything...whether in the gym....or work wise or whatever she reckons cos if i set my mind to something i just do it. lol. She was then like and i know when you get to goal you will just set a new goal (she said something like going to india to help blind people see! LOL) so interesting conversation...quite bizarre to think anyone would see me like this cos i always think of me as the person who never finishes anything...this weight loss journey is the first time ive truly suck to anything...normally soon as something gets hard i give up.

Sunday was a pretty lazy day....did talk to Jody on Skype....and she is thinking about meeting me in LA and then we fly to NM together...exciting stuff!!! So would prolly spend 3-4 days in LA.

The scales at home dropped by 200 grams this morning. Today is my low calorie day of 1200 calories....so hopefully there is a more significant drop tomorrow...and fingers crossed hopefully tomorrow night i will have a decent loss (or just any damn loss i would be happy with!!) Tonite im gymming it...body combat and a PT session. My ankles a bit sore today (i did Week 1 Day 1 of C25K yesterday) and its been a bit tender since...so hopefully it survives tonite!

Enjoy your day all :)

Thursday nite i went to the gym. Fiona told me she had spoken to amy and it was fine for me to weigh in with her without following slim...so thats a weight of my mind. I basically started the calorie cycling on wednesday and its working rather well...i always enjoy how different calories on different days make me eat different each day....which i think ensuring variety is one of the keys for me. On monday nite as part of the foxy challenge had to see how long it took me to run 1km. Ive only realy done interval running...so did 1 minute running at 8km with a 2% incline and then walking for a minute at 6 with a 1% incline...thats the fastest speeds i have done for running and walking. And thursday night fiona is like you need to crack the 8 minutes on that lol...i have cardio today....i got a sneaky feeling i may be trying that again LOL

Last nite went out to dinner with friends and then to the pub for a few drinks (i drank mineral water all nite tho ;) ) anyway where we went i ended up having this chicken salad...it was chicken, rocket, finely sliced leek, tomato pieces, crushed macadamia nuts, feta cheese and im pretty sure the dressing was just olive oil and lemon juice. It was delicious to say the least so thats one i am gonna try to replicate this week at home. Most of the others ate dessert...but i was super good and just opted for a hot chocolate instead :) So i think i did pretty good last nite. I also bought home the scales. At the gym this week my weight was 97.6 kilos....on my scales at home this mornign mine were 94.6 kilos!!! Mine use to be 700 grams to about 1.5 kilos lighter then the gym ones...but hopefully this is a sign that i wont gain this week (gawd i freaking hope so!) i dont care if i only lose 100 grams this week...i just dont want a gain or i may cry and have a real princess like tantrum lol But the fact it said 94.6 kilos this morning is a good sign.

I have a slight sore throat today....so gonna pick up some losenges before the gym....then its PT ... 60 mins body pump...60 mins body balance....then i wanna stop at the second hand store see if they have any new stuff in and then tonite out for different with Jaimee then hoping to pop into a farewell drinks for a couple of the trainers at the gym. So busy day...two nites out in a row! lol I will be glad for tomorrow for a sleep in and a day at home.

Last nite i had two pretty awesome comments :) one when i walked in a friend said "wow you look like a model" haha ;) and another was walking behind me and said "theres hardly anything left of you" of course i smacked my ass and said theres still plenty there lol

Feeling better :)

Well i feel better today. I decided to go back to calorie cycling. Before i was doing slim (and this didnt occur to me till yesterday) i was only having 4 carb serves per day...on slim i was having 6...i think for me and the fact i have PCOS to have 6 serves every day is too much. So back to having 4 carb serves a day...that also puts my ratio of protein/carbs much better (i checked yesterday and i was having around 50% carbs,,,,when before i would aim for 30-40% carbs,,,and was only 24% protein....Jillian recommends for me 30% fat, 30% protein and 30-40% carbs so i will go back to what i know. So i have calorie cycled....cos i decided this part way thru the day and yesterday should have been only 1200 calories...i had to do a change for dinner...ended up making a 12WBT menu...was meatballs with tomato sauce...35 grams of pasta and mushrooms...super yummy was only 210 calories and it filled me up :) YAY. Today im having 1600 calories...so have to eat a lil bit more then i have been eating ... ive tracked all the food...33% carbs and 17% protein....not really where i want it to be...will have to work on getting a lil more protein into my plan...but im much happier with where the carbs are sitting at :)

I couldnt believe that temptation last nite....how could they not offer them any healthy food? Lara only ate 440 calories over 24 hours...so i find the extremes of it so bad...one of the reasons why i prefer the US biggest loser they dont do that many temptations.

I reported a leaking shower to my landlord like 6-7 weeks ago FINALLY a plumber called me...BUT i dont have a weekday off till 15/4/11 so will have to wait for then.

Turns out this weekend is getting busy! LOL A get together with some of the girls for friday nite...they are going out to dinner and then the wheaty...i will prolly just go to the wheaty tho as thats my 1200 calorie day...then saturday nite going to go out for dinner with jaimee then there is a farewall for a few of the trainers in the city which we will pop in for.

Not much else going on...have a fab day all!!

Weigh in :(

Well last nites weigh in was a disaster to say the least. The new food coach seems very nice...and im sure she is a nice person...but its like starting completely again. Explaining my beliefs etc on things....most of the time i weighed in with eve...i did my own thing...its only the last 6 weeks ive been doing slim. I told her that i have a "issue" with diet coke....that i always have better losses the weeks i dont drink it. She told me whilst we are all genetically wired different...there is no scientific proof about this only "theories"....i then explained i had read Jillians book and basically avoid artificial sweeteners, and dont really eat any low fat food except low fat dairy (milk, cheese, yoghurt) she then asked what jillians book says about the artificial sweeteners and i said...to avoid them like the plague. I just got a feeling she prolly thought i was some crazy lady LOL. I then weighed in and GAINED. Admittedly it was only 400 grams but in the 6 weeks ive been doing slim my losses have been like this :

week 1 : lost 100 grams
week 2 : lost 4.6 kilos
week 3 : gained 100 grams
week 4 : gained 500 grams
week 5 : lost 900 grams
week 6 : gained 400 grams

So if you look at the last 4 weeks i have basically gained 100 grams...yay glad for all the food i have avoided and all the exercising i have done *insert major sarcasm here*

I really do not know what to do...she wants to see my food diary next week and said to "test my theory" on the diet coke. I will increase my fruit this week...im suppose to have 3 pieces and often only have one per day....everything else has been correct and to the plan. And while i would love to freaking chuck everything in at the moment ill give it a go for one more week....but if i have a gain next week i think ill not continue weighing in at the gym...i could weigh in at home for a gain! So after that didnt stay at the gym at all...so didnt work out...nada...not a thing...i was planning to do step and body pump....but i was beyond pissed off last nite...im still pissed off and really wonder if i am wasting my time with these weigh ins...hopefully i can get my headspace in the right place. The only good thing was last nite getting takeaway was incredibly tempting! But i didnt...i had my normal dinner... :)

One nice thing was eve sent me a message to check how i went at weigh in LOL...which was real sweet...couldnt give her good news tho :( There is a farewell for some of the trainers from the gym this saturday nite...so date for me and jaimee...go out for some dinner then will pop into there (such a social butterfly ;))

Some good news :)

Went to the gym last nite....walked in to the toilets fiona comes out saying we need to have our photo taken. What i hadnt mentioned on my blog...was a few weeks ago fiona mentioned the gym is creating a "PT board" where they are going to be putting some of the PT clients on it and i am apparantly first! lol So we had to go have our photo taken...was taken of my on the rower...and i have to answer a few questions on things like what i have accomplished with PT (obviously weight loss but thats a hard question!) and what i would tell others about PT etc i am sure once its up on the wall i will let everyone know and mite even manage to get a photo of it.

Last nite i did the 30 minute abs express class...then 45 minutes of body combat (seriously my favourite class!) and then 30 minutes of torture with fiona....did run 1km (in intervals) which took me 8 mins 46 so yet another time to try to improve on! Im enjoying have "times" etc to aim for....its a bit better then aimlessly wandering around the cardio area lol

I do have something else i wanna write about but at this stage not quite ready too...its a damn shame blogger doesnt allow you to either hide certain posts...or allow only certain people to see some of them...oh well...that stuff will have to stay in my head for another time!!

Not much else going on...weigh in tonite with the new weigher. Cant say i am looking forward to it at all. Really not fond of having to get to know someone new. I will see how tonite goes and what the results are...if i wasnt doing the foxy challenge at all...there would only be 5 weigh ins after tonite tho...after that who knows mite go back to weighing in at home...will wait and see

More pics :)

How funny....the smaller i get the more pics i take! oh well deal with it lol!! So this is me at 97.2 kilos...73.7 kilos lost. The jeans are size 18 from the "normal" section at katies...and the tank top a size XL also from the "normal" section from another store. The side view and back view is really not overly attractive...is really a case of bum, stomach and things here i am! LOL

Before



After

My exercise and eating plan :)

I get questions at times in my FB inbox with questions on how I am doing things...I always reply (and am more then happy to reply) but I thought I might start using some of those questions as prompts for blogposts. Just keep in mind...i do what works for me...i am not saying what i do is right for anyone else but me....but its working so i will share ;)

So here is the first question:

Karyn,
I am amazed at your weight loss progress. What are you doing to lose weight. It appears to me that you are always in the gym or doing some kind of exercise. What kind of diet are you following. Please share if you would.

So firstly my diet. My diet has evolved from the days of when i started ww. When i started ww i ate a LOT of processed foods. At that stage i worked afternoon shift so was having dinner at work which meant things that were easy....every night i either ate subway or a dolmio frozen meal....and i remember tuesdays for lunch was always a big fat sausage roll!! lol Overtime ... late 2009/early 2010 i started to read up a lot on diet. Initially i started with Jillians book "Master your metabolism" which basically is about control your hormones and you will control your weight loss. And how do you do that? By cutting out processed foods! Then i read some books on how processed foods are designed to make you want more...and enter a never ending cycle and also how many healthy bought options really arent that healthy. I then started reading books on your "hunger cycles" and even ventured into reading on being a vegan. What i got from all these books was a few things....one i really needed to cut back on processed foods (or even elminate them)...two wherever possible i wanted to eat organic....three i understood more about WHY i get cravings at times and even allowing myself to "give in" (for want of a better word) at times to them and four i needed to focus on variety. Anyway my point is its kinda evolved. Last year i counted calories...i still count calories in essence but its thru my gyms eating program at the moment and is 1200-1500 calories per day. My average day looks like this"

breakfast : 1.5 weetbix + 1/4 cup natural muesli + 3/4 cup berries + 1 cup milk

snack : 1/2 cup cottage cheese + 1 slice of grain bread + 1 banana

lunch : 45 grams ham + 2 slices grain bread + salad + 1/2 tablespoon mayo

snack : protein shake made with 200mls milk

dinner : 120-170 grams protein + roasted tomatos (usually cherry tomatos, onions, capsicum, mushrooms etc) + 2 tablespoons uncook barley + teaspoon of olive oil

once or twice a week ill have a diet coke and saturday nights i splash out and have a yiros (i am a rebel i tell u!! lol)

I would never recommend someone just go eat what i eat....i would REALLY recommend making slow changes. As you can see from it tho...there is very lil processed food in my diet.

Sometimes with our eating we need to look outside the box...im not a big vegetable eater...i will never sit down to a serve of carrots, peas and pumpkin....but my roasted vegies i really love.

As to my exercise.....my shifts at work change every week so it does depend on my shifts. I do religiously always try to work in my 3 PT sessions per week...and if one week i can only make 2 sessions (which does happen at times) then ill organise 4 sessions the week before or the week after. As to what my PT sessions are...they have changed various times over the last 2.5 years....previously we have done core sessions...and boxing, both of them we arent doing at the moment. My big focus is currently cardio as it seems to really be helping shaping my body and getting some losses...so two sessions per week are cardio. Fiona basically throws me on different pieces of cardio equipment (rower, xtrainer, bikes, versaclimber, treadmill etc) and generally we do intervals....but we have also lately been doing lots with the rower -and lets not forget we do a lot of stair climbing too. Hate to say this out loud....cos its so not me....lol....but im kinda okay at the rower....so currently we just keep trying to increase my time on the rower rowing 2 kilometres. First time i did it was 9 mins 43 today i managed it in 8 mins 58 secs the ULTIMATE i guess would be under 8mins 30 seconds but i cant really see that happening lol. The other PT session per week is weight work and its a new program every 6 weeks. In relation to what else i do i like to do at least one body balance, one body pump and one body combat class in per week. Where possible i will fit in other classes and at least 1-2 times per week ill try and do interval running on the treadmill for 25 mins or so. And that is basically it. Really im not at the gym as much as everyone thinks (in fact i always feel like a hypocrite when people say i am a exercise nut...im not really....im just a nut ;) )...its only 4 days a week and to be honest i dont think its excessive and the never happy with me part of me constantly thinks i should increase it to 5-6 days per week....but they dont have any classes i really like on wednesday and fridays (body attack anyone???) which is why i avoid those days. And that is basically my eating and exercise plan....no huge secrets....and no over the top exercising (well not in my opinion) the one thing i would say tho....is it took me 2.5 years to work up to my exercise in the beginning i only did one PT session per week and that was the only day I entered the gym! A year ago i was only just starting to attend classes.

So there you have it .... thats my eating and exercise plan. If anyone does have any questions they would like my view on (and thats all it really is) leave a comment or send me a quick message to my FB inbox :)

Such a good day :)

Ive had such a kewl evening!!!! Went to the gym...had a hour spare before PT and no class on i really wanted to do...so i jumped on the treadmill...did 30 seconds running at 8km/h with a incline of 3% and then walked at 5.5kmph with a incline of 3% did that for 27 minutes...then i started to feel it in my ankle so jumped off. I then went and climbed 7 flights of stairs....then rowed 2kms (in 9 minutes 14 seconds) then fiona came and got me. Fiona tells me im gonna start to train to do the same fitness test the trainers at the gym are doing (one day she will click on im a weakling!!!) So part of the test is to do 2km in 8 mins 30 seconds...we will have to work on that one seeing my best time is 9 mins 8 seconds. Then the next is to bench press 75% of your body weight (holy crap!) I did 30 kilos today...but 75% will be about 75 kilos for my current weight...then she had me stand on a step.....in a cable maching....17.5 kilos on each side of the cable machine....doing squats .... which basically you end up your pulling thos weights....ultimately in the end your suppose to do 50% of your body weight on each side (haha i have a long way to go) then we did planks...basically its 10 seconds in a normal plank position then 10 seconds with your arm stretched in front of you...then do the other side.,...then same with at the back with your legs....when i did the arms each time my freaking calves cramped...must say despite my grumblings (and i do grumble!) i really like these sessions where i have something to aim for...plus seriously can you believe i am even attempting what the trainers at the gym are doing??? seriously thats insane!!! But so cool as well!!!

Got my foxy tshirt today....size 16 fitted style...and it fits!! YAY!!

The planning for the trip is starting to come along nicely....I think at this stage I will leave australia august 17 and leave LA to come home september 12. I have suddenly become a travel nerd living on flight websites!! LOL And bonus work is offering overtime again....so gonna do a extra 8 hours next week...build up the overtime a lil :) And im hoping to fit in a concert to see rascal flatts i loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee them!! And they are in al-bur-kur-keeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee on sept 6 so it would be kewl to go see them with Jody if she is up for it ;)

Anyway i am one tired girl ..... have a good friday all....the weekend is nearly here!!!

Well i feel much better tonite!!!! I made some decisions (finally lol). Decided firstly i am going overseas around september!! OMG how exciting!!! Im hoping to spend some time visiting jody but havent spoken to her yet...also hoping to spend a few days in LA (universal studios, attending bob harper spin class!!) and a few days also in san francisco (wanna do the cruise to alcatraz cos i love all that kinda crap!!) Ive priced the flights and they are in my price range...next week i am planning to go get my passport ($226!!!) then come January I am going to do the course. I am also starting to think about a trip with some of the ww girls to auckland late next year :)

On saturday at the gym fiona got me to row 2km on the rower. She did it recently in 9 mins. So did it on saturday in 9 mins 43 seconds....then last nite she got me to do it again...this time 9 mins 15 seconds....and then tonite i did it AGAIN...and hit 9 mins 8 seconds!!! So yay :) I cant believe im getting close to fionas time lol. Last nite i also did body combat...love how i manage to do all the jumping in that class now....burnt a nice 430 calories in 45 minutes ;) and a total of 830 calories for the day.

Today i went for weigh in...and lost 900 grams....and still i was disappointed! LOL I was really hoping for a kilo...only 100 grams off it but DAYAM i wanted it!! lol So total loss now is 73.7 kilos. And 21.2 kilos to goal....woooo hoooo!!!! It was of course mine and eves last slim session....she gave me a card with some stuff she wrote inside it...certainly pulled at the heart strings :)

Okay im tired....there was prolly some other stuff i wanted to write about but the princess is buggered (thats what happens when u wake at 5am thanks to council works in the street!!! argh!!!)

My brains in overdrive

lawdie....what a day yesterday turning out to be. I got a call yesterday morning from Eve who is my food coach at the gym...so basically who i weigh in with and get measured etc. She unfortunately told me she is leaving the gym and being transferred to a different branch :( I have been weighing in with her for over a year so to say i was gutted over this is the understatement of the year. Anyway last nite i went to the gym...spoke to Fiona briefly about it...she was telling me that the new food coach had done her degree in nutrition so i may benefit from it all :) Fiona also happened to mention they are doing a board at the gym of "PT clients" with quotes etc....apparantly its for clients that have done well...and fiona put my name forward for it so thats nice too :)

That all happened tuesday...i half wrote it up then got distracted ;) anyway on to today....

The last 12 hours my brain has been in OVERDRIVE!! lol As i think i have mentioned before i have been thinking about studying to be a personal trainer. And this is where my brain gets complicated. The course is obviously a lot of money...as well there is a big investment of my time. Im not overly scholastic...but it is something i would really like to do. That leads to the question then of what i do with the qualifications once i have got them. From what i have seen....full time jobs in gyms are a rare occurence and i would need to at least start in a gym in a part time role. Which obviously would mean less money. The other option is to either combine that with trying to build my own client base outside of the gym. Which as i currently dont drive or own a car would mean either be restricted to just training people in my suburb...and doing outdoor training .... or i ALSO need to get my licence and a car. I know a lot of people think well duh get your licence. But to me thats a huge thing to accomplish. So there is a multitude of things i could fail at...either of the 2 certificates required to be a personal trainer...having to get a car. The thing on my side i guess is that i am coming up due for long service leave in about 8 weeks time. I was planning to take it from august 1 to early november. Now i am thinking its better i postpone it till i have my qualifications (and car and drivers licence) and then use the long service leave as a time to try and establish whether i could build a client base or get enough work via a gym to actually be able to leave my current employer. So its all freaking complicated!!! The other thing i could look at is trying to get a position with my current employer that isnt shift work...just 9-5 or something....then i could have some regularility and try and build a client base in my free time....see its all friggin complicated!! lol Not as simple as just doing the study!

pic time!!

i threw on a skirt and tshirt this morning and looked in the mirror and was happy with how i looked....think i even look "normal" in it...so it deserved a pic :)

I weighed in and was good and bad news. My body fat did a huge drop from 41.8% to 38%!!! First time its been under 40%...so thats good news. centimetre wise i lost 10cms over the last two weeks....so over the last month i lost 27.5 cms. So thats all impressive right? But after gaining 100 grams last week i gained 500 grams this week UGH!!! Admittedly TOM is due over the next 3-4 days. So i spoke to eve and we agreed to change somethings....in the afternoon im suppose to have a dairy serve and a piece of fruit. Im overrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr yoghurt!!! So this week....prolly thursday I will get some protein shake powder (gonna be lazy and just get the isowhey one at the gym) and have that with some berries in the afternoon. Im also gonna do no diet coke for this week....and ill make 2-3 recipes out of michelle bridges cookbook (as long as they are under 350 calories) so will make those changes and then see what happens....hopefully i can manage a loss next week or i may seriously lose the plot!!

The scales and food :(

I really don't know if not having scales at home is helping me.The first 4-5 of the week i am fine....stress free....then the last 2 days im in absolute panic mode. I have no freaking idea where i am with things...and cant say i like it at all. Visions of me walking in and gaining tomorrow nite is all i have got. Im also concerned that maybe the slim plan is just too restrictive for me. my average food day is turning out to be:

b - 1.5 weetbix + 1/4 cup muesli + 3/4 cup berries + milk
s - 3 vita weets with 1/2 cup cottage cheese
l - ham, cream cheese/avocado, and salad sandwich
s - banana
d = 120 grams protein (raw) plus vegetables and 1 tablespoon of barley (raw)

Its not a great deal of food...and i have been peckish this week. Admittedly this week TOM is due. It works out about 25 ww points (i think from memory) which i know according to ww is not enough....it works out to be about 1300 calories. I guess it really depends what the scales say tomorrow nite. Im praying i lose a lil even 100-200 grams i would be happy with. with that amount of food i also did 3 body balance classes last week, 1 body pump, 2 body combats, one hour cardio with fiona plus a 65 minute walk yesterday. Part of me does wonder if its enough food for my exercise....as today i was peckish and yesterday i did the 65 minute walk and body balance (keeping in mind body balance isnt a real cardio burner) then again....you compare to michelle bridges plan she keeps them at 1200 calories per day and they try and burn around 500 calories a day with exercise.

But will see what the scales say tomorrow nite.

Tomorrow nite im gonna get back on that treadmill and run a lil too :) If i really do wanna build up to being able to run...apart from the fact i need to lose more .... i also need to come up with a plan of attack (i really didnt take to c25k) oh well thats a decision for another day!!!

I do wonder if i should just not weigh for a month or so....yanno try and relax and just focus on the exercise side thing...eat 1500 calories....exercise like a fiend....and then see what happens....its all too hard!!

life isn't perfect...

...and I dont say that in a bad way!! When i was bigger one of the main goals was to get a gf...73 kilos later i still dont have one (im not whinging trust me!!!) but what i am realising is life doesnt turn out perfect because your are smaller. I know thats said often and i truly believed my life would be perfect when smaller. How could it not be??? Wasnt my weight the cause of ALL my problems??? But what I have realised is I am still the same person....and quite likely the reason i dont have a relationship is cos i am not "out there enough" to meet someone who might be mildly interested. But while life isnt perfect i am "happy" these days....and I dont mean i put a smile on my face and act happy for people....its just a quiet, even smug happiness , inside me. My life isnt just work, sleep, eat. My evenings are mostly busy with the gym (altho sometimes im not loving it lol mostly i enjoy it lol) and i think life is just start to open a lil more for me. Getting out in the fresh air is what I want more...its amazing to think of all the "outdoor" things i can do...if i choose. Whether its joining a team sports....climbing mt lofty with friends...learning to surf....horse riding....going to the beach....all these things (and more) are in reach....where as long ago they were so far out of reach it was like a dream....so life aint perfect but it is pretty dandy these days :)

Things are changing. I have said that before but I notice it more and more lately. Certain friendships seem to be changing...its not necessarily a bad thing...but its different... ive always been a big believer that some people come into your life for a set time...and some become more permanant. But we all consistently change. I certainly would like to make some new friends who are more active...getting out in the sunshine more...and i think really thats just part of this journey. If my work life allowed for it (it doesnt!) i would certainly start to think about a team sports (yes i really said that) no idea what...netball...soccer something that would just get me out there and meeting more people who are headed in a similar direction.

Went to the gym this morning and was there by 6.45 am (this should be illegal i tell yas!!) but i did a body combat class...then scooted off to work...normally dont have time to go before work but started later today. Tomorrow is my last weekend shift for 4 weeks (thankfully!!) no plans tomorrow nite....but sunday morning walking around the torrens with jaimee and roxanne at 9am then heading off to the gym for RPM and body balance and then meeting some of the ww girls at the markets for lunch.

Not much else going on...hope everyone has a good weekend!!

Today has been a interesting day. I went to my fave op shop...spent $25 and walked out with 13 items....most dont fit me yet....and i bought some size 12/14's so next spring i will have clothes to wear with luck. Its rained here most of the day....I then went to the gym....jumped on that damn rower and came to the conclusion there is no way i will ever be able to row 500 metres in under 2 minutes. I would need to be able to hit 125 metres in the first 30 seconds to have a chance of it...and theres no way i can do that....oh well onto other things...

I then went and did body balance and on the treadmill for a bit....i then went and weighed in. It was only 5 days since i last weighed in and because my loss last week was so big i was really concerned with having a gain....and well i did but was only 100 grams...so now sitting at 97.6 kilos....so im definitely still a double digit girl :) then had my eye brows waxed and came home.

Jumped on facebook...and saw something that didnt surprise me but still couldnt believe the gall of some people. Remember early this year someone from pink sofa messaged me saying they saw me at the casino...thought i was beautiful blah blah .... well at the time i added them to facebook....they had a number of pics with one male....so i was suspicious she had a bf or hubby...anyone i pretty much put off meeting her cos things didnt add up. Anyway ..... today (and despite today still having "lesbian" in her pink sofa profile) she posted on her FB profile about being annoyed that her hubby wouldnt come home to deal with a flooding situation. Not really that big a deal....i was pretty sure she was involved with a male...but wow....its things like that that make me NOT a people person....no wonder at times i treat into my cocoon ;)

Its just been one of those generally good days today :) I worked 7am-3pm today. I then dashed from work to the dietician. Now this dietician was organised via my doctor. They are a accredited dietician and i have 5 sessions this year all paid for :) Anyway she looked at my food plan on the slim program....and that got all thumbs up. Her main concern is with the amount of exercise i am doing that im getting enough dairy, protein etc to avoid injuries.

I then went to the gym where i burnt just over 1000 calories! woot!!! YAY me!!! I did a 45 minute body combat class...and i was really impressed i did all the jumping in it and i noticed in all the knee lifts i can easily lift my knees higher then just 2 weeks ago! Then I did a hour of PT with fiona. Last week for one of the foxy challenges we had to row 500 metres and i managed to do it in 2.07 minutes....anyway fiona goes tonite....one of my clients is competing with you...and then she tells me the person heard i did it in 2.07 minutes so they had to beat it LOL So they managed to do it in 2 minutes! devestated i tell u!!! LOL so now i need to do it in under 2 minutes.

Life is good :)

I haven't done a decent post for a while so thought one is definitely owed.

So where are things at? Things are pretty kewl right at the moment to be honest. I started the slim food program 2 weeks ago...and have lost 5 kilos so far (really cannot complain about that!) The reality is i have been eating EXTREMELY clean. Its always been my belief that once you get to 20-30 kilos within gol...all the processed crap and artificial sweeteners in your diet wont work anymore. The only thing I still cave in a lil on is bloomin diet coke LOL Also exercise wise we have really ramped it up lately. We decided no more boxing for a lil while we have really taken that as far as we can currently when you take into account my injuries/alignment issues. So basically my PT sessions are mostly just cardio sessions on the cardio equipment combined with bloomin stair climbing *rolls eyes* Basically fiona throws me on xtrainer...rower...versaclimber...recumbent bike...and we do intervals...they vary from the lowest speed (not ENOUGH of those unfortunately lol) right up to the highest speeds (trust me neither the recumbent bike or xtrainer are fun at level 20!!!) But with these changes in my workouts the centimetres seem to be dropping on my hips and thighs (at long last) As much as I grumble during these sessions they really are doing the job. Plus lately I ahve been trying to do more different cardio classes...body attack (omg im still too big for this!)... cardio blast (pretty cool workout!)

I have tuesday and wednesday off this week...gonna go to the op shop on tuesday morning...hopefully can pick up some more bargains! Havent been there for about 8 weeks so should be some new clothes in...might even look for some size 14 winter clothes!!

In 2 weeks time I am getting my hair done...its been about a year since it has been cut lol gonna get a trim and get it cut similar how rachel in friends had it towards the end of the series. Plus a colour thru it...the colour is still up for debate...ive been told i should go "bright" lol but yanno I usually err on the side of caution LOL...

New Dress :)

Zany Zana who is noodle66 (or is it 66noodle) on the WW forum was nice enough to offer a dress to anyone who would pay the postage. Its a gorgeous dress...anyway i put my hand up and got it :) It arrived yesterday and she wanted to see a pic so this post is mostly for her! lol

So the dress is in the pic below...the photo doesnt really do it justice...its such a pretty blue colour...it isnt a tight fit on me but I might get mum to see if she can take it in...otherwise I will pass it on to one of the Adelaide WWers....cos its really gorgeous and deserves to be worn!!

What a day!!

Firstly THANK YOU!!! to everyone who commented on my previous posts and on my FB about getting under 100 kilos :)

its funny ive been thinking about friendships lately...when i was in sydney at one point fiona, sarah and i were picking a place to eat dinner...we kept checking different menus and fiona would ask did i wanna eat there .... i would simply say "im happy to eat wherever" and fiona was like you just go with the flow dont u??? Id never really thought about it...i mean i know i dont have a overly controlling or leading personality....but yanno i never like to make decisions like that. Its a risk. I would hate to pick a restuarant and whoever im with not like it and i waste there money. And its kinda like how i am with friendships...i never (or very rarely) suggest plans...cos there is a whole fear of rejection there....wat if they say no...what if they dont like what i choose to eat/do. Now ive known thats how I think for a fair while...I know thats why I hid from life and put on my weight initially cos thats easier then the risk of putting yourself out there and risking rejection. And i know people say im a good person, and a good personality etc but there is still that whole fear of people not wanting friendships etc

Which leads me to today....i posted on FB about the loss...on here....and people were lovely i got some fab comments :) Then i messaged mum. Now what you need to understand (from my point of view) mum is the person for 15+ years who gave me shit about my weight. When i was 13 And STILL skinny she started giving me a hard time about my weight...when i was like 15 and only a size 14 or so she dragged me to doctors about my weight. So i tell her today ive got under 100 kilos...the conversation goes like this:
kazz: im under 100 kilos!!!
Mum: Congratulations
kazz: tyty

that was the ENTIRE conversation! I have to wonder if i am being oversensitive...there was no questions about how much i lost...what i way now...that she was proud of me...how much i have lost in total...no the person who has given me grief about my weight for what seems like 50 million years gave me a short one word answer. people online who i have NEVER met were happier for me...its bizarre....i know my relationship with my mum will never be overly close (im not the person with the hubby and 2.5 kids like she has hoped) but wow...i was a bit blown away today (altho why im not sure...its nothing new) I thought she might be a lil more interested.

Oh well....this isnt for her...its for me!!!

HUGE NEWS!!!

Im buggered but somethings I needed to get written down ;)

Lost this week....amazing 4.9 kilos
current weight 97.5 kilos (yes finally under 100 kilos!!!)
total loss now is 73.4 kilos (only 21.5 kilos to go)
Lost 17.5 centimetres in the last 2 weeks
Over the last couple of years i have lost 206.5cm

oh and I rowed 500 metres in 2 minutes and 7 seconds as part of the foxy challenge (apparantly the quickest at the gym so far!)

Updated Pics

You might remember last november i took some pics which really didnt leave much to the imagination. Over the last few months i have noticed a few differences (altho im not sure they are obvious in the pics) my legs are still lumpy :( but they have reduced a lil...also the shape of my hips to me have smoothed out a lil...anyway thought i would update the pics...mite do it again in may/june....cos really these pics cover nothing like clothes can do LOL (the before pics are on the left side)

Im still not over this wretched virus....so finally after being stubborn for 10 days i said i give up and went to the docs....off work today and tomorrow. i just woke up from a nap and altho I am feeling groggy as hell i do feel a lil better.

Cos im not well i cancelled tonites weigh in and will do it after PT on thursday morning. For the first time in a long time I am nervous about weighing in.I have followed the slim program to the letter but after only losing 100 grams last week I am quite apprehensive. The other thing is out of curiousity I plugged in my food for today the ww tracker (i still have etools lol) and i should be on 34 points..turns out its only 25 points. This week ive had headaches...which i thought was not enough food or this virus....mostly i have put it down to the virus....now i have to wonder. If i get a loss of only 100 grams again...well i dunno what i will do...it may be time to reconsider things or may just be a point of having to keep sticking with things. This has been like the slowest crawl ever to get under 100 kilos LOL :) I really do miss not having scales at home...if I had them....I would have a idea of how i am going. i know i must have lost cos suddenly my trousers are loose but yanno know matter how much we say the scales arent the be all and end all....for me they are a huge indication ! Anyway will be back thursday with a update in relation to that.

Have also decided for a while no more boxing. Fiona enjoys doing our "killer cardio" sessions and i see more of a difference when doing those...and boxing well ive done it for over 2 years and with my injuries/issues we cant really take it further so it has got boring...so fiona instead will be kicking my ass on the cardio equipment ;)

SIZE 18 JEANS!!!

and not just any jeans...skinny leg ones with trendy lil rips in them!!!! They are from the normal section at katies...i bought them last june and cant believe they finally fit me! So i had to take a pic of course...and as always ive included my before pic as well :)

Well i am very keen for weigh in tuesday nite! My pants are getting much looser...i even tried on a pair of size 18 katies jeans today (skinny leg jeans!) and they did up!!! They are too tight to wear out but there wasnt even a chance of zipping them up previously.

Gymmed it last nite...did a kick boxing class....body attack and 30 minutes on the treadmill. Then today i did a double PT session. As part of the foxy challenge had to see how many situps u can do in 60 seconds....i managed 34...which JUST scraped me into the "excellent" category for my age group....woo hoo! We did some weights/VipR stuff and climbed the bloomin stairs. While fiona was massaging me....nore (my physio) came over and talked to me and fiona about what i can and cant do....no more climbing stairs 2 at a time....or climbing down all 7 flights....just going up one stair at a time....we can now start to jumps...not on to steps just on the ground....ultimately working towards skipping .... not so sure how i feel about that LOL. But its all about getting my alignment fixed so in time i can hopefully do all those things.

I still have this dreaded cold...its not overly bad....just makes me not 100% and more annoying then anything.

Hope everyone has a good day!

Weighed in tonite.....my body fat stayed exactly the same as last week....so 40.5% and i lost 100 grams...must admit i was disappointed....i was hoping for 600 grams...but considering i went away over the weekend...have a cold and am taking codral and in the midst of TOM i cant really complain i guess.

Gymmed it tonite...did a orbit (fitball) class and 30 minutes cardio. Tomorrow nite im doing kickbox...body attack...body balance.

Im still battling this bloody sore throat...im sure yapping at work isnt helping it! plus im just exhausted :( was in bed at 9.15pm last nite (and asleep) and up at 5.45am...i have thursday and friday off....with thursday having a sleep in .... so at least i can catch up a bit in a day or two. Not much else going on.....have a good nite all!

My trip to Sydney :)

Well i am home (with a lovely cold) from Sydney and i had a fabulousssssssssssssssssssssssssssss time!!! I went over friday nite....by the time i got to my hotel (the flight was delayed 25 minutes) it was 10pm....so got into bed and watched a bit of tv. Saturday morning i was up bright and early...wandered down to circular quay for breakfast....then caught the ferry over to Manly....wandered around there for a hour or two..real nice beach....they have a lil market so went thru there too and stopped in at lots of lil shops as well..was nice and leisurely and then caught the ferry back to circular quay and walked back to my hotel room for a nanna nap! LOL. I met fiona and sarah at 4.30pm...we wandered over to darling harbour for dinner...i was very good here and had lasagne (they had carbonara on the menu but decided to behave myself! lol) we then wandered over to the circular quay (we wont mention the trillion steps fiona managed to fin in the process *rolls eyes*) and then we were there ready to climb the bridge! Your on the bridge for 3.5 hours but the time just flies by! I really enjoyed it. Lots of spots where its quite squeezy....and climbing up vertical ladders and of course lots of stairs....but i really enjoyed it and didnt struggle at all! Magnificent views and of course was done with some awesome company - i had a very fun evening. After the climb we then went to the Lindt Chocolate Shop!! lol...I had a iced chocolate drink - DELICIOUS!!!! And then as we were having our drink fiona pulls out a present for me...i unwrap it and its a tshirt which she had her partner design on it. (The tshirt is the last photo below)...fiona knew for me climbing the bridge was significant...and the tishirt IS significant too....the first line on the tshirt says "i dont like it" (which i consistently say in PT! lol) then it says "but i climbed it anyway, Karyn Colleys Sydney Harbor Bridge Climb 2011" - how awesome is that! I loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee the tshirt....do i have the best trainer or what???? we then headed back to the hotel (since it was midnight!). When i got into bed that nite my lil feet ached....omg i had walked so much....but was such a good day. Sunday morning we met up for some brunch (breakfast burger anyone?) and then we went for a pedicare - another first. Then wandered around a bit more before heading home.

It really was a fab weekend...very active with so much walking....i really wanna do more of these weekends....THIS is what living should be really like!

Today i went to the gym....double PT....i felt like a big ball of crap....with this cold but still did it. I did a fitness test as part of the foxy challenge....had to step up and down on a step for 3 minutes....then 1 minute later had to check my heart rate....well i scored "above average" hehe :) This arvo i am off to the gym again...not to work out tho just for a physio appointment....hopefully she says i can start walking on inclines again and maybe even jumping again...we will see what happens.

have a fab week all!

PS below is some pics from the climb as well as a photo of THE tshirt

Im backkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

I decided to come back and post here it seemed wrong posting on the other journal :)

Last week wasnt a great week in relation to weight loss. The first 4 days i was on a tim tam/chocolate/sausage roll fiesta....but i pulled my finger out on friday and altho I didnt count calories i just cut out all that crap food ;) Anyway weighed in last nite...im now using the gyms scales and obviously weighing in clothes (my scales are in ryans drawers at work to see how i go with no daily weighing) and 2 weeks ago when i weighed in on their scales i was 102.5 kilos. The good news is my body fat is the lowest its ever been at 40.5%. When i started at the gym it was around 58% so only 0.6% and i will be under 40% YAY!!! The measurements went really well too...had been 3 weeks since i was last measured....i lost 10 centimetres....5 of those centimetres of my hips...so thats all a step in the right direction.

Monday nite i burnt 1600 calories...did PT session of "killer cardio" then body combat, body jam and then walked home from the gym (70 minute walk)...last nite i did a orbit class and a RPM class and walked home from the gym again :) Tonite will be a lighter nite...30 minute kickbox class...30 minutes on the treadmill and then will walk home...so should be home by 6.30pm which seems positively early! LOL

The trip to sydney is coming up very quickly! TWO SLEEPS!! I cant wait...a 3 day weekend plus getting away...a real break from EVERYTHING!