Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Complacency

I have come to the conclusion that i have just become darn complacent over this whole weight loss jig! The last month i have gone fluctuated by about 2-3 kilos. I know some of the bad eating has been related to some stresses I prolly bring on myself with a certain relationship. Must admit im bothered that i have become complacent! I mean I am still exercising....but i suspect i am eating how I should be at maintenance. I had great plans to start counting calories again this week....but when it came to doing it i was like...blah....cant be stuffed (cos its such a damn effort *insert incredibly sarcastic tone*). Some of my tools have broken of late...my heart rate monitor has decided to die....cannot get a heart rate at all on the damn thing :( so i really have NO idea how hard i am working and what calories i am burning. My scales broke over the weekend...so i have lost a level of accountability there too. Im seriously tired of chicken and roast vegies for dinner! BLAH shoot me now!!! I also wonder why i have become complacent...i wonder if its cos i am now under 100 kilos...that mark doctors thought i would never see...or maybe its cos a cute girl has looked my way (this was always a fear for a long time....that dating or meeting girls would lead me to be distracted)

I was gonna wait till i get my bonus in june to organise another heart rate monitor....i *think* the issue is the strap and so think maybe i should just go and buy another strap and see what happens. I should also prolly invest in some new scales. But will just getting my "tools" working again magically get me back in the right head space. Not that i think my headspace is awful at the moment...but its annoying me.....My 4 months of work starts in 2.5 weeks....the whole aim of these holidays was to get to goal..to dedicate 3-4 months solely to me....but the holidays havent even started and my head isnt in the game UGH. I remember Nat who lost about 60 kilos....and then she struggled and i remember her saying afterwards her friend (who was a psychologist from memory) said....whats wrong with maintaining for a while after losing 60 kilos....and in the back of my mind i keep hearing that...but at the same time i know i NEED to get to goal weight....i dont doubt for a second if i dont get down to at least 76 kilos i will eventually put the weight back on. I know people say no your a different person know...but deep down im still the same...just a few less fat layers....i still could go eat a feast at KFC....i still could turn into a sloth sitting on the couch every nite with some chocolate. Its one of those times where i wish things could just "click" in to place again....its happened before and hopefully as before it does click in again and hopefully it happens in the next 2 weeks......cos lets face it...its kinda pointless busting my ass at the gym if im not eating perfectly.

Then again maybe its that im at a point where i am okay with how i look....i certainly (in my eyes need to lose more...and in my eyes i look like i need to lose 25-30 kilos) especially around my hips/thighs/stomach...but at the same time i know i look "okay" not fab...not good....but passable....and when i dress up to go out i dont feel like the huge blimp i once felt like.

Then again maybe its time to just get back to the tracking and busting my ass at the gym....no questioning it...

2 comments:

Natalie said...

I hear you Kazz. I thought I could try to 'maintain' when I only had 10 kg to get to goal, and here I am with 35kg to lose again.

Unfortunately, I think the only way is the hard way - suck it up and go cold turkey! Exercise hard and count the calories - it works.

Natalie said...

Kazz,

Look how brilliantly your're going! Keep going...keep working on the head too. The main reason that we psychs like a bit of 'maintenance' is for those of us (like me) who need time for their head to catch up with their body...as in the self image. It's funny you should mention this as I had lunch with that friend yesterday - who works with eating disorders - and she said exactly the same thing. For girls like us mate, hitting double digits is such a massive milestone. I underestimated the mental impact it had on me (not that i broke 100kg's - managed to swan around it beautifully thank you very much!). I'm now doing massive loads of work on my mental image of myself cause even at a size 14/16 I saw the morbidly obese chick.

Don't stop Kazz. Don't do what I did - please. Be one of the 1% of us morbidly obese peeps who make it to goal and stay that way long term.

Massive hugs.

Nat