I have come to the conclusion that i have just become darn complacent over this whole weight loss jig! The last month i have gone fluctuated by about 2-3 kilos. I know some of the bad eating has been related to some stresses I prolly bring on myself with a certain relationship. Must admit im bothered that i have become complacent! I mean I am still exercising....but i suspect i am eating how I should be at maintenance. I had great plans to start counting calories again this week....but when it came to doing it i was like...blah....cant be stuffed (cos its such a damn effort *insert incredibly sarcastic tone*). Some of my tools have broken of late...my heart rate monitor has decided to die....cannot get a heart rate at all on the damn thing :( so i really have NO idea how hard i am working and what calories i am burning. My scales broke over the weekend...so i have lost a level of accountability there too. Im seriously tired of chicken and roast vegies for dinner! BLAH shoot me now!!! I also wonder why i have become complacent...i wonder if its cos i am now under 100 kilos...that mark doctors thought i would never see...or maybe its cos a cute girl has looked my way (this was always a fear for a long time....that dating or meeting girls would lead me to be distracted)
I was gonna wait till i get my bonus in june to organise another heart rate monitor....i *think* the issue is the strap and so think maybe i should just go and buy another strap and see what happens. I should also prolly invest in some new scales. But will just getting my "tools" working again magically get me back in the right head space. Not that i think my headspace is awful at the moment...but its annoying me.....My 4 months of work starts in 2.5 weeks....the whole aim of these holidays was to get to goal..to dedicate 3-4 months solely to me....but the holidays havent even started and my head isnt in the game UGH. I remember Nat who lost about 60 kilos....and then she struggled and i remember her saying afterwards her friend (who was a psychologist from memory) said....whats wrong with maintaining for a while after losing 60 kilos....and in the back of my mind i keep hearing that...but at the same time i know i NEED to get to goal weight....i dont doubt for a second if i dont get down to at least 76 kilos i will eventually put the weight back on. I know people say no your a different person know...but deep down im still the same...just a few less fat layers....i still could go eat a feast at KFC....i still could turn into a sloth sitting on the couch every nite with some chocolate. Its one of those times where i wish things could just "click" in to place again....its happened before and hopefully as before it does click in again and hopefully it happens in the next 2 weeks......cos lets face it...its kinda pointless busting my ass at the gym if im not eating perfectly.
Then again maybe its that im at a point where i am okay with how i look....i certainly (in my eyes need to lose more...and in my eyes i look like i need to lose 25-30 kilos) especially around my hips/thighs/stomach...but at the same time i know i look "okay" not fab...not good....but passable....and when i dress up to go out i dont feel like the huge blimp i once felt like.
Then again maybe its time to just get back to the tracking and busting my ass at the gym....no questioning it...