Thursday, March 03, 2011

What a day!!

Firstly THANK YOU!!! to everyone who commented on my previous posts and on my FB about getting under 100 kilos :)

its funny ive been thinking about friendships lately...when i was in sydney at one point fiona, sarah and i were picking a place to eat dinner...we kept checking different menus and fiona would ask did i wanna eat there .... i would simply say "im happy to eat wherever" and fiona was like you just go with the flow dont u??? Id never really thought about it...i mean i know i dont have a overly controlling or leading personality....but yanno i never like to make decisions like that. Its a risk. I would hate to pick a restuarant and whoever im with not like it and i waste there money. And its kinda like how i am with friendships...i never (or very rarely) suggest plans...cos there is a whole fear of rejection there....wat if they say no...what if they dont like what i choose to eat/do. Now ive known thats how I think for a fair while...I know thats why I hid from life and put on my weight initially cos thats easier then the risk of putting yourself out there and risking rejection. And i know people say im a good person, and a good personality etc but there is still that whole fear of people not wanting friendships etc

Which leads me to today....i posted on FB about the loss...on here....and people were lovely i got some fab comments :) Then i messaged mum. Now what you need to understand (from my point of view) mum is the person for 15+ years who gave me shit about my weight. When i was 13 And STILL skinny she started giving me a hard time about my weight...when i was like 15 and only a size 14 or so she dragged me to doctors about my weight. So i tell her today ive got under 100 kilos...the conversation goes like this:
kazz: im under 100 kilos!!!
Mum: Congratulations
kazz: tyty

that was the ENTIRE conversation! I have to wonder if i am being oversensitive...there was no questions about how much i lost...what i way now...that she was proud of much i have lost in the person who has given me grief about my weight for what seems like 50 million years gave me a short one word answer. people online who i have NEVER met were happier for me...its bizarre....i know my relationship with my mum will never be overly close (im not the person with the hubby and 2.5 kids like she has hoped) but wow...i was a bit blown away today (altho why im not sure...its nothing new) I thought she might be a lil more interested.

Oh well....this isnt for her...its for me!!!


Anonymous said...

Congrats on everything you have achieved and getting under 100kg's is fantastic. Remember at the end of the day the only opinion that matters is yours - so try not to dwell on your Mum's reaction and just be truly proud of yourself!!!

zanyzana said...

OMG, I didn't see the post about getting under 100. Way to go! How incredible, you must feel like wonderwoman! Congratulations!! Bugger your mum, you can choose friends, you just can't choose your family (from someone who has mother issues too!)

Erin said...

Congratulations, Kazz! You have worked incredibly hard to get where you are, and don't you forget it!

Sometimes we look for the ones we love most for encouragement and support; however, they are not always emotionally available. I'm certain your mother is extremely proud of you (and in her mind she probably wishes you'd done it sooner), but you did it when you were ready and now you have a ton of friends who back you and support you 100%!! You look absolutely amazing and I can only imagine how you're feeling! Keep it up!

Natalie said...

I know how you feel Kazz - I've got an emotionally unavailable mother too. I've got over it, but it hurts when it affects my kids.

It was my eldest son's 15th birthday yesterday and nothing arrived for him, so I left a message on Mums phone mid morning which said "Hi Mum, I just checked the bank account and noticed that you had forgotten to bank his birthday money. Just to let you know I took $40 out and you have bought him a $30 subway card and given him $10, for when he thanks you next time you speak".

There was a message on the phone from her when we got home and I guarantee there will be some money go into my account today!!!

Hijabi Lapster said...

my husband is the same... he never gave me crap about my weight, but despite losing 45kg to date, he seems insensitive, as if nothing has changed... whereas my mother, who did give me a lot of crap about my weight in the past is sooooo supportive and proud... however, as you mentioned at the end of your post, this is for you! not anybody else... you are doing great. keep up the great work.... people who follow your journey WILL be more supportive, because we KNOW what an achievement it is to get under 100! Only we can know how it feels, and how important it is to get to the double digits :)