Firstly THANK YOU!!! to everyone who commented on my previous posts and on my FB about getting under 100 kilos :)
its funny ive been thinking about friendships lately...when i was in sydney at one point fiona, sarah and i were picking a place to eat dinner...we kept checking different menus and fiona would ask did i wanna eat there .... i would simply say "im happy to eat wherever" and fiona was like you just go with the flow dont u??? Id never really thought about it...i mean i know i dont have a overly controlling or leading personality....but yanno i never like to make decisions like that. Its a risk. I would hate to pick a restuarant and whoever im with not like it and i waste there money. And its kinda like how i am with friendships...i never (or very rarely) suggest plans...cos there is a whole fear of rejection there....wat if they say no...what if they dont like what i choose to eat/do. Now ive known thats how I think for a fair while...I know thats why I hid from life and put on my weight initially cos thats easier then the risk of putting yourself out there and risking rejection. And i know people say im a good person, and a good personality etc but there is still that whole fear of people not wanting friendships etc
Which leads me to today....i posted on FB about the loss...on here....and people were lovely i got some fab comments :) Then i messaged mum. Now what you need to understand (from my point of view) mum is the person for 15+ years who gave me shit about my weight. When i was 13 And STILL skinny she started giving me a hard time about my weight...when i was like 15 and only a size 14 or so she dragged me to doctors about my weight. So i tell her today ive got under 100 kilos...the conversation goes like this:
kazz: im under 100 kilos!!!
that was the ENTIRE conversation! I have to wonder if i am being oversensitive...there was no questions about how much i lost...what i way now...that she was proud of me...how much i have lost in total...no the person who has given me grief about my weight for what seems like 50 million years gave me a short one word answer. people online who i have NEVER met were happier for me...its bizarre....i know my relationship with my mum will never be overly close (im not the person with the hubby and 2.5 kids like she has hoped) but wow...i was a bit blown away today (altho why im not sure...its nothing new) I thought she might be a lil more interested.
Oh well....this isnt for her...its for me!!!