93.9 versus 8

93.9 is a huge number. It is the number I initially needed to get to a healthy weight range. I havent REALLY thought about it for a long time. But then was thinking about it today after reading a comment on my ww page....even if i had lost 1 kilo every week....it still would have taken me close to two years to lose the weight...TWO YEARS. Its a huge number....its over nine "decades"...i remember in the beginning...i had this huge number to lose...but there is just this feeling that your not accomplishing anything....when your that big you lose 5 kilos....and of course its improving your health...but that girl inside you who just wants to be able to go shopping and not end up in tears cos the size 26 jeans dont fit you...it doesnt feel like you are getting anywhere fast. Its a drudgery....and its also filled with fear "when will the losses stop". I never truly expected to go all the way...i expected at some point it would get too hard and i would go on a KFC fest and put the weight back on. I really thought i wouldnt be "good" at losing weight and lets be honest while i thought exercise would be important with my weight loss i never thought i would be regularly attending the gym. I thought this point would come that no matter what i would do i would stop losing weight and i have certainly had times were losses were like getting blood out of a stone but somehow i still managed to get past them. Think about it NINETY THREE kilos...i had to lose nearly as much as i weighed when i was 23 years old...now to get to the healthy weight range i have to lose JUST the approximate equivalent of a 1 year old child! Its all amazing.

In line with where i think i am at...and thinking about how i am heading in to a weight i will eventually settle on. I have decided im going to talk to my food coach to change from weekly weigh ins to fortnightly weigh ins. I dont feel that i need the weekly accountability...i feel more confident in myself and my ability to motivate myself and that im at a place where even if i did go off track and eat something i shouldnt that i would just get back on track. Im not going to weigh in for the rest of my life. Ive thought for a long time come early next year i will change to monthly weigh ins. I feel now is the right time to start progressing towards that. I have paid for weekly sessions...not that i am worried about that...but i have that as a back up...if i suddenly struggle....i can always just book a session in with Amy. So this feels good...it feels like the right decision for me!

Its also suprising to me how my mind set has changed. I was talking to jody last nite and she was like....its a long time since you have had a "depression" moment...i then told her i havent taken depression meds for about 2 years now. It kinda hit me how much my mindset had changed when i was on the ww forums today and someone was down because they wanted to take their sister horseriding but couldnt due to weight limitations. Soon as i read it i was like...dont feel bad....use that as inspiration for a goal....and do something else for your sister like climbing the harbor bridge,,,,hot air balloon etc etc. And the person totally got on board with what i was saying and turned that negative moment into a positive goal setting moment. I love that my mind and brain can think that way these days...and that i helped someone get in a better frame of mind from my thoughts. Not a brain that is thinking "my life sucks" instead these days my brain thinks "seriously how good is life and how happy am i?"

Weigh in day :)

Wooo hoooo weighed in and lost 2.5 kilos. Admittedly i was fully expecting it...but u never know with a big loss like that whether you are going to fluctuate. Admittedly i deserved it! LOL no seriously...i gained 500 grams last week...and i knew from my calories i should have lost a kilo...this week i should have lost a kilo...so you add that up you get 2.5 kilos :) Of course a big loss like that means this is going to be a hard week...and prolly will only get a small loss or stay the same...so my calories are going to have to be spot on.

I havent taken my multivitamins the last few days...i discovered there was a ingredient in them which isnt good for you (selatine) so i hadnt had a chance to go out and find some multivitamins without it...but i havent taken the multivitamins for about 5 days (i think) and man i was sooooooooooo tired this morning. I eat lower calories these days (1485 calories per day but as i cycle the calories...i do have a few days of 1200 calories and 1300 calories so need to ensure i keep up the multivitamins i obviously need them) so today is a relaxation day. Tomorrow im not gymming it either but its a big domestic day...housework...and getting rid of all clothes too big for me....ive had enuff of seeing them around the house. Ive tried to sell them...no luck...so time for the charity store :)

5 minute running intervals :)

I did 5 minute running intervals today!!! bahahahah!!! So exciting! Ive been trying to build up this running thing for close to two years...who knew running up the stairs would increase my cardio so much that the running thing is now becoming do-able.

So todays workout was running up 7 flights of stairs...20 minutes light walking on the treadmill...then my PT session of weights (65 kilos on the leg press with one leg only anyone?????) I then ran/walked the 1.5kms on the treadmill. Fiona wants me to now directly after i run up the 7 flights of stairs then do the running up and down the 15 steps that i do 20 times all in one go....and not break it up.

I watched series 4 of US biggest loser yesterday...so good...was a really good series. I never saw series 6 fully so will be watching that next.

Tomorrow is weigh in day and high calorie day...YAY :) Ive added a couple of progress pics i took today as well :)

Scales still moving in my favor :)

The scales dropped again this morning :) They are certainly making up for last weeks fluid gain! I knew last week my eating was perfect...and i knew with the change i had made to my calories by Jillains calculations i should be losing a kilo a week. As of this morning (and presuming i do no crazy fluctuation) I am down 1.8 kilos from last tuesday morning...and I do think I can make a 2 kilos loss by this tuesday. The best thing is for me and to me is it justifies that last week I wasnt slacking off...i knew i wasnt...in fact i knew my eating was perfect...id worked out...so its like a big sigh of relief for me.

While thinking about it today....i realised its putting me near another big goal. When i was about 23 i did "easyslim" i started at 99 kilos and got down to 83 kilos....ive always thought...why when i got so close did i not go all the way...as of this morning im ONLY 2.8 kilos of being below that number. Thats like amazing...i know when i get there i was in size 16 jeans...i was still a long way of being where i wanted to be....but i just didnt have the same dedication or mindset back in those days...i still want to lose another 18 kilos...but wow to get under that 83 kilos will be amazing....its a number ive thought about a lot...not just in the large 5 years...but over the last 20 years. So its a nice lil aim ive got for the moment.

Yesterday when i did the running intervals i was doing 2 minutes running and 1 minute walking. I did the 2 minutes quite easily. Ive never done anything longer then 3 minute intervals...and doing even 3 minutes kills me...so its been interesting after not doing really any running for 6 weeks or so apart from running up stairs that i seem able to cope cardio wise so much better with it. Im not going fast...only a speed of 6.8 but i think if i can build up at that speed slowly till i can run 1.5kms....then i can slowly build up the speed and then build up to doing it outdoors. Running is prolly not something i will ever be great at ... my feet will prolly always be a hinderance to a degree...but i think if i could eventually build up to 3kms or 5kms and eventually run in a fun run it would be awesome...cos its such a tangible thing. So anyway the aim this week is to do 3 minute intervals tomorrow and do 1.5km with 4 minute intervals by the end of the week.

Phew what a workout!!

Well another fab day! :) When i got up this morning the scales greeted me with 85.9 kilos flashing up at me .... woo hoo!!! So i have now lost exactly 85 kilos. I am now thinking getting under 83 kilos by the time i go back to work (sept 19) is doable. Cannot believe its only 8.9 kilos till i am in the healthy weight range! I of course need to lose more then that but its very VERY exciting!!!

I then went to the gym....jogged up 7 flights of stairs....then did a PT session of weights....very unique session as i was only using one appendage with most of the exercises! LOL...so i did 1 arm LAT pull down...1 arm chest press....and 1 legged leg press (yes seriously!!!) then fiona tells me i have to do 20 pushups ON MY TOES i never do them normally on my toes LOL but pushups has always been a big goal for me. So fiona has decided pushups are now going to be my friend lol anyway i have to do 10 pushups on my toes everyday....hopefully with time i will be able to do deep pushups with correct form (my form is okay apparantly but i dont go deep at all...in fact my arms barely bend LOL) i then went out to where there is 15 steps....and i jogged up them and then walked down them 20 times....then i jumped on the treadmill and ran 2 minutes walked 1 minute till i reached 1.5km....and then did 15 minutes of slow walking and THEN i did a 60 minute body balance class....was super impressed in balance i did "dancers pose" on my left leg and didnt lose my balance once...ive NEVER managed that before (and only lost my balance once on the right foot :))

So its been a great day!

Thats Life!

Today has been a GREAT day!!! Went to the gym this morning for PT. Before the session i jogged up 7 flights of stairs and then did about 15 minutes on the treadmill. Fiona then comes and gets me...then disappears...then reappears with a 5 kilo weighted jacket!!! Which i had to wear for the entire session. LOL. We went and did the stairs....another 7 flights jogging every second flight. Then there is a section of stairs....prolly 15-20 steps...i had to jog up and down them 20 times (and homework this week is to do another 3 lots of this 20)...then i did 5 minutes on the rower (and hows this i beat my previous time even tho i was still wearing the weighted jacket by 18 metres!) By the end i was very sweaty and yucky but I knew I had had a real good workout :)

I then caught the bus home...and the weird thing was (before i tell you my GREAT news of the day) i was sitting there all content and realising how happy i am lately...

Anyway so i get home....and theres a email waiting for me from a journalist! She is from Thats Life! magazine and they are interested in doing a story on my weight loss :) I spoke to them this afternoon and its all very exciting!!! Of course, as most know who read my journal i am very keen on being able to "pay it forward" and so getting my story out there is definitely going to help with that!! Anyway i will let you all know more and know when closer to when it all happens :)

And then today two colorado tops i had bought thru the weight watchers buy and sell group on facebook arrived....so i have MORE new clothes LOL. I really want to get some more flashdance pants and some new tshirts from Lorna Jane before i go back to work...so might be doing some shopping there AGAIN soon lol

Facebook Page :)

I have actually created a facebook page linked to my journal in the hope of building a "community" to support each other with weight loss...if interested you can find the page simply by searching kazzs journey or click here

Weigh in day :)

I weighed in today and it gave me a gain of 500 grams. I always weigh in on my home scales as my "official" number and then weigh at the gym too. Now i didnt weigh in last week at the gym ... oops! So my weigh in at the gym showed over the 2 weeks i had lost 100 grams but my body fat had dropped by .2% taking it down to 37.5%.

Made a discovery overnight lol...went to get out of bed....had lifted my head about a centimetre off the pillow...and noticed some hard mass in my stomach...first thought uh oh a tumour lol but im suspecting that rather large column running the length of my stomach practically up to my ribs are ab muscles....who knew....ive only ever felt flab on my tummy lol.

Gymmed it today....ran up 7 flights of stairs....did a boxing class...then ran/walked 1km. phew i was one tuckered out gal after that! They do this one part in the boxing class...where when they say "down" you have to lie flat on the ground....when they say up you have to jump up and punch at a bag...sometimes you only get up and manage one or two punches before they are yelling out "down" omg it kills me!! I know its good for me (i truly suck at getting up and down from the ground) but boy...everytime they do that in a boxing class i scream in my head "why meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" lol

Not much else going on...!

YAY to running!!!

So last thursday i was 86.8 kilos on the scales....yesterday morning 88.9 kilos :( thankfully i did drop 1.2 kilos over night taking me back down to 87.7 kilos....but of course that still leaves me 900 grams over the lowest I had managed to get too. I was debating not going to weigh in tomorrow...but...i will...otherwise Amy might hunt me down and that wouldnt be pretty!!! So i am gonna chat to her about my calories...yanno i was reading the michelle bridges 12wbt facebook page last nite...they all eat 1200 calories...and a lot lose over 10 kilos in a 12 week period (some even 20 kilos) so i am wondering whether i should slowly cut back my calories till i hit 1200 calories per day.

Today was a good gym day. I did 110 kilos on the leg press....so 22 kilos over my body weight....which by my calculations puts it that i pressed 125% of my body weight :) then i did 45 kilos on the chest press machine which was over 50% of my body weight :) Then Nora (my phsyio) was around so i went and ran on the treadmill and she did a impromptu assessment....and i have got the go-ahead to go back to running. I am allowed to start with intervals of 1 minute running then 1 minute walking up to 1.5km...we still need to do some work on my feet (they apparantly are collapsing as i run) and some work to loosen up the right shoulder....but apart from that it was all good :) So tomorrow when i go to the gym the plan will be to run up the 7 flights of stairs...boxing class...then run/walk the 1.5km and then do 20 minutes of hill intervals. I am considering doing the gyms next bootcamp...havent definitely decided on this but its a thought. And one of the other things which i forgot to mention to fiona was that when i was running (admittedly at a slower speed then i use to cos i havent run in so long) but i didnt feel out of breath....i was going at a speed of 6.8 i think tomorrow ill increase it to 7 and see how i cope (i was doing speeds of 7-8.5 previously and doing 3 minutes non stop would kill me...today it was 2.5 minutes and i was only just starting to feel a lil tired...not puffed)

Im washing up today some of the clothes i got at the op shops on friday....just noticing the brands...portmans, just jeans, jeans west gotta love finding good brands!!

I added a counter for the number of visitors to the site yesterday....was astounded by the numbers....over 44,000....admittedly thats over 5 years....and in a 24 hour period it got about 350 hits...pretty damn impressive....the journal is out there more then i think obviously!!!

Also on the right side i have added a couple of pages....one being my "accomplishments" a page which i hope will grow :) and also a page with progress pics...."my story" that i wrote a week or two ago is going to be on another journal soon (will let yas know when) so once that is up...i will put that on a page too for all to read (and boy its one long ramble! lol)

As i have always said i want to give back and hope people gain from my journey....have been thinking about creating a facebook page....to provide motivational quotes...allow myself and others to create a supportive community...maybe run challenges etc...its a thought...specially considering now i see how "out there" my journal is.

Not much else going on...enjoy your monday all!!

Great day :)

Well despite the scales being up another 1.2 kilos this morning!!! Today has been a fab day. So basically in 2 days the scales have gone up 1.9 kilos lol Now the reality is to gain 2 kilos....i would have to eat 14000 calories over my BMR which i know i havent done...so....im still presuming its related to my cycle.

Did a awesome workout today. When i got to the gym i jogged up 7 flights of stairs. Then i did a PT session of wacky weights which is basically band work and dragging and pushing things around the room....basically resistance using my body weight. Then i went and jogged up the 7 flights of stairs again (much harder this time!!) then did 20 minutes of hill intervals on the treadmill....then 15 minutes of speed intervals on the xtrainer followed by 60 minutes of body balance. Was such a good workout!!

Tomorrow i am getting the house all nice and neat and with luck will find my heart rate monitor. It was playing up....but im hoping if i wash the chest strap it will start working again....id really be interested in watching my calorie burn again if i can. I mentioned yesterday that i bought some new clothes when op shopping yesterday....so heres 2 of my faves....the grey one is from just jeans and a size 10!!!! The other is a UK brand called "together" its really pretty....and would be great for a nite out.

Yep, yep sucky day!

Well its kinda been a sucky 24 hours. Ive started having the dizzy spells i occassionally get when rolling over in my bed. Happened twice last nite and then i woke up with a headache ugh. Got up this morning...took panadeine which helped...then went and met Gae from the ww forum for morning tea. This was really good...she is lovely...anyone who has the chance to catch up with her...SHOULD! Some photos were taken so im sure ill pop them on here or faceboook early next week. We then wandered over to a op shop...where i got two gorgeous tops...one is a "together" brand...size 42???? hahaha no idea what size it is in aussie lingo...but its super cute...so pretty....and i also bought a size 10 just jeans top there....it fits!!! I then wandered to two other second hand stores....got a just jeans top....a couple of other tops....and a pair of size 16 jeans...tags still on!!! So all that was good.

The bad is this morning i got on the scales.... i was up 700 grams so back up to 87.5 kilos...my cycle arrived today...i just jumped on them again tonite...UGH....i will be lucky if they are under 88 kilos in the morning...i know its quite likely its just my cycle .... but damn who on earth woulda wanna be a woman...seriously!!! lol I had all intentions of gymming it tonite (seems to be a theme lately!) but since ive got some cramps i skipped it...but tomorrow morning i will be there...and fingers crossed i dont get the dizzy spells tonite. The annoying thing about the scales...is i went back thru my journal....last month when i got my cycle admittedly i didnt have a gain (and my cycle was very weird last month) but i was 88.2 kilos on the morning i got it....this month....the day i got it....im up at 87.5 kilos....which basically gives me a 700 gram loss over the month...i know part of the reason is a few weeks ago when i ate all the cookies then the fish n chips...but geeeeeeeeeeeeez!!! and i realise its still going in a downward trend....but lawdie! I think hitting 86.2 kilos which i thought was doable only yesterday by next tuesday is definitely out of my reach :(

But on the positive for others...theres the truth....even at this point i still have sucky moments....i still even have "why do i bother" moments...but i know theres no choice....i just gotta keep on doing the do....

Heres a pic i did take tonite....which those words on my tshirt....really have significance today!

Well my knee is much better...in fact its perfect...wouldnt know it was giving me pain a few days ago.

This morning when i jumped on the scales...and they finally went under 87 kilos! wooo hooo...was down to 86.8 kilos...my goal by tuesday was to get down to 86.2...so its still doable. Must say i was very happy to see it went under 87 kilos.

Had PT today...pure torture....seriously....60 squats while holding a kettlebell...60 burpees...60 kettlebell swings....and 20 pushups on my toes followed by 40 kilos on my knees...holy!! All that jumping up and getting down on the ground and then back up again exhausted the crap out of me. And then to finish me off I had to row for 500 metres....at level 10...which i did in 2 minutes 11 seconds :) Of course after the session i was very impressed that I somehow managed to do it all...but STILL i did at the time feel like dying!!! Dread to think how i will feel tomorrow....my calves feel a lil tight already :( yes pour the pity juice on me please LOL

Tomorrow im doing pump @ 5.30pm...and im going to do the routine i did with fiona today minues the kettlebell swings or the rowing...instead will add in 60 bent over rows with a kettlebell...that combined with pump...would be about a 90 minute workout....and the weight area will be quiet at 6.30pm on a friday nite...so doable for me :)

Tomorrow have to be up at relatively early (for a girl on holidays!) Meeting Gae from the ww forums for morning tea. Im gonna skip breakfast and have either fruit toast or pancakes with a hot chocolate then yumyum!! Afterwards i am off to do some "second hand shop browsing". And then home to be a domestic goddess and get some housework done. I have clothes all over the place at the moment....and i need to really get organised....and get rid of anything that i dont wear...or is too big for me....pain in the ass....but needs to be done!

I'm not very patient...

Weigh in day and lost 600 grams :) so now down to 87 kilos....10 kilos till the top of the healthy weight range wooo hooo!!!

Was awake at 2.30am with a sore knee :( not really sure what made it sore only thing i can think is we were doing some kicks in boxing where you twist from a squat position so maybe something then? Anyway the classes for today should have been boxing and step...neither are probable great for a sore knee...so im swapping my days off...resting today and will gym it on sunday as well. Tomorrow my classes were going to be pump, balance, boxing and freestyle cycle. I will play it by ear...i may not do boxing....but the other 3 my knee should be fine for...specially as it is feeling better this afternoon....still can feel it a lil but certainly not like it was at 2.30am. Im also quite sore in my muscles today! LOL...sore abs from the ab class....sore butt, arms and rib area LOL .... can blame PT on that!

Someone posted on my wall on weight watchers today saying " I so want to be you, you really inspire me. It seems to be such a long journey to me. I just want the loss now, Im not very patient", the truth of the matter is anyone can do what i have done...its not like i have done anything that is unattainable....you simply make a decision that this is what you want and that this IS a priority in your life. Be more active....eat healthily and regardless how slow the losses will come...and one day you will be in the situation i am in. The other thing is...it doesnt matter how long it takes...it really doesnt! From day one...every day of exercising more and eating better makes your insides a lil healthier. Sure we may not be in a size 10 dress just yet....but our insides are getting healthier and as our insides get healthier the outside starts to look better. The journey allows you time to work out things....if it took a week to complete....it wouldnt be called a journey....it would be called a short trip! Thru out the journey....if you embrace it and enjoy it....you will gain from it. For me its given me time to work out so much....my expecations of others and accepting when relationships arent exactly how i want them that its not a failing...but it is important to put me first, its allowed me the time to work out what i truly want for my future (and this is constantly evolving) time to explore new foods...work out how exercise will fit in my life....and also start to discover the "new" me ...start to work out how you will incorporate socialising into your life....so to anyone hating how long it takes....realise it is more then weight loss...yes you do become a new person....a new and improved person....so embrace it!

Today has been a pretty huge day!!! Went to the gym....in PT fiona and i had to get our photo taken as i am going to be in the clubs september newsletter! Had to write a lil blurb about my journey which I did this afternoon. Kelly who is organising it also advised I could mention my journal on it as they are going to mention it :) So could have some new readers in the future!!! Then we did the actual PT session LOL

I actually did 90 kilos on the leg press....my feet were wide on the plate which apparantly makes it harder...but even better is the fact that I was pressing more then I weigh! woot!! I also managed 45 kilos on the chest press machine as well :)

I came home, wrote up the blurb for the gym...sent it off and THEN Lorna Jane emailed me! To tell me I am definitely going to be in there book and they also wanted a short blurb which will be going into the book!!! MEGA EXCITING!!!!

I went back to the gym tonite....did a 30 minute ab class followed by a 30 minute boxing class....as I have mentioned before those boxing classes really kick my ass!! So rather tired tonight....but a good tired.

Weigh in tomorrow....plus boxing, step and if I am not too tired body pump...have a good tuesday all!!!

Had a good day today. Ive changed my snacks around a bit. My snacks are normally "yummy" things....banana with peanut butter, protein shake, if i have the calories to spare a wagon wheel, but i had a big think about it last nite and have decided to cut out lots of the treaty stuff for more fruit and yoghurt. So my banana i am having plain and also had a apple and have a yoghurt to have after dinner. Funny how when you dont have these yummy treats to look forward to i dont seem as hungry and as picky! lol. I did have a crunchie freddo frog but that was the only "treat" as such.

I went out for a 6km walk today. Its a route i did a lot last year. I never did it in under 70 minutes. (i think the average was about 72 minutes) but today i did it in 59 minutes...rather impressed with that. Thinking maybe i should do the city to bay, by myself, and aim for the best time...last year i did it in 2 hours 25 minutes....its possible i could do it in under 2 hours based on how long it took me today.

I threw out my very biggest pair of jeans and top today....decided no point keeping them....ill never need them again....and i have photos of me in them so no need to keep them....kinda nice to think its nearly a house with no size 20's in it (i have one pair of cargo pants size 20 that still fit...but getting looser)

Tonite im having a quiet nite...and probably a early nite....chickpea, feta and beetroot salad for dinner, followed by some relaxing watching the box.... :)

Life is dandy :)

Bit of a reality check today...I have realised that i have lost "only" 5.7 kilos in my time since i have been off work. I know a loss is a loss. But i think my attitude of "i am happy enough with a 400 or 500 gram loss per week" is really taking a chicken way out. Its like I have given up on trying to lose a kilo per week. Sure i probably wouldnt lose that every week...but if i really applied myself i could probably hit that mark some weeks. I would hate to go back to work with having lost less then 6 kilos. There is still 5 weeks to go. So i theoretically could AIM for another 5 kilos by september 19. So if I managed to do that I would be down to 83 kilos by the time I returned to work....that i CAN be proud off. I need to knuckle down with my food (my food has been fine but i increased my calories when i went on holidays...I am going to pull that back a bit....not by much....just 128 calories per day...so im sitting on exactly 1500 calories....according to Jillians calculations that should have me losing 1 kilo a week. Monday to thursday this week....at the gym lunchtime and evening. Friday a day off (with morning tea/brunch with Gae and I am planning pancakes!) And then gym it on saturday morning. If I do all that....then Saturday after the gym off to Lorna Jane to buy a new top...they have two new tops i like...so hopefully i will be able to get one of them. Heres the plan....by August 23 I would LIKE to be down to 86.2 kilos...there is no guarantee I will do this...but if I dont have something to aim for im not liking to meet it eh? Tomorrow i am planning a productive day. Housework in the morning then tomorrow afternoon im going to walk into Elder Park...walk around the river....maybe laze on the riverbank for a lil bit then walk home. So not a huge active day...but a day in the sunshine!

I think I am going to go buy some board shorts too I think...one of these nice days these holidays I am going to go down the beach...by myself but thats okay!

I also heard tonight that some of my aunts and uncles on my dads side of the family are coming down from queensland next March for my cousins 40th birthday. Some of these aunts and uncles I havent seen since i was 14! My cousin and 2 of my aunts saw me last May (when i was about 120 kilos) so by next march...yanno i should be at goal or close to goal wooo hooo - something to aim for!) My cousins party is also going to be dressup! Any big girl knows what those thoughts would normally do for me! Freak out....omg i would never get something to fit me....but this time it was like "oooooooooooo im gonna dress up" hehehe....its 70's/hippy theme....so something to look forward too...life is pretty dandy eh!!! Which is a weird concept in itself. Lately I always have something "good" to look forward too. It must have been when I was a kid that I had a "run" of things to look forward to. This year has been pretty amazing...PT client of the month....the sydney trip and the bridge climb....me long service leave...the Lorna Jane book...Christmas again will be in Streaky and spent at the beach....next year with the family....getting to goal at some point....the westpac stairclimb. I remember when life was work...eat...sleep....when i was spoiling myself when I sat in front of the tv with a big bag of KFC...how life is changing!!!

Oh I took some photos of me in a crop top and cargo pants today....not the most attractive pic...but it shows my stomach/mid area is not too bad (altho of course the excess of my stomach is "tucked in")

Today :)

So we all know ive not been as good with exercise lately as previously, and really at a time when exercise is more important then ever cos of the toning and skin aspect. I know once i return to work...and daylight savings is practically here i will be fine. So i have decided for the last 5 weeks before returning to work ill do a bit of a reward system for myself. So while the week is nearly over...tomorrow i wanna do pump and the AB class....if i do that im off to buy the cutest PINK bag that i happened to see today.

Next week i wanna gym it lunch and evening monday-thursday and also do a session saturday morning...if i do that...i will allow myself to buy a lorna jane tshirt on the weekend. So the plan will be

m - PT + combat + jam
t - boxing + 30 mins cardio + step + pump (pump is optional)
w - pump + balance + boxing + cycle
t - PT + combat + pump + balance (balance is optional)
f - day off
s - PT + 60 mins cardio + body balance

Today i had PT .... we did a lil "crossfit" circuit...10 pushups (on my knees) run to the other end of the room....do what is similar to a squat jump 10 times then run back to the other side of the room....and then repeat another 9 times...OMG i was cursing! (And work it out thats 100 pushups lol) It was certainly a good cardio workout. Then we climbed up 7 flights of stairs....then i had to run up and down one set of stairs 10 times lol and then to finish it all off 5 or so minutes on the xtrainer! LOL....i certainly sweated and was hot by the end of the session.

There is a weight watchers buy and sell clothes group on facebook...have just added about 12 items....if i manage to sell a bit mite have to sell a bit more (i mean only $5-$10 bucks a item but if i get a bit back its a few more clothes for me)

I am average.

When I was bigger I stood out in the crowd. I attracted attention. Whether it was walking down a main road and some jerk yelling out "lose weight" or something similar...whether when I ate out I felt people were looking at me thinking....why is she eating such and such no wonder she is so fat...all I wanted was to be "normal" ... to be "average". I just wanted to be part of normal australia without a neon light above my head that said "fat". Slowly through out this journey people started to recognise me as a "inspiration" (personally i prefer the word role model!) at first I struggled with this...by people thinking this I took their thoughts and placed pressure on myself....worrying what people would think when I failed (which to date I havent!). Slowly overtime I came to embrace....and realise that my journey might help others who started in similar situations to me. And now any chance to make my journey public I take...and I embrace that, and I am proud to stand out of the crowd for my weight loss journey. That said tho, you put me in a crowd of people who don't know me....and I am just one person in a crowd of many. Thats a pretty nifty thought. If I walk down the street its not likely people are going to form negative (i hope) opinions about my body and from those opinions decide what type of person i am (ie if i am fat i am lazy). If I go on a date with someone, others are not going to think "fatty and skinny" or what is she doing with the fat one. I can go about my life....doing normal things that so many others do...with no judgement (well not about my weight anyway). Anyway, and this is what lead to my thought process tonite, today I was updating my profile on the pink sofa. In the past for the question that asks "body type" I have always put down cuddly or big, for the first time I looked at it and thought is it time now to change it to average? Am I there yet? Am I average? Well I think I can now say to myself i AM average. Yes I still have weight to lose. Yes thanks to excess skin I will never have a perfect body. But still .... I am average .... and unless someone knows my weight loss story (which I am so proud of) I am just a average, normal person going about my life trying to be fit and healthy. Yup yup AVERAGE its a good word :)

Pyjama Day...

I took a lazy day today, it was freakin freezing so i had a pyjama day! Ive been a bit slack this week. I feel like....I need to take things up a level. My brain has been thinking about different things. Problem is as i have said before some of the classes at the gym bore me lately. I still enjoy balance and i get the boxing one is good for me. So i have been thinking i need to do something "else" at the gym. Kinda like i feel i need to take my exercise to the next level. I could follow either 12WBTS or jillians exercise program....but i hate doing anything that might make me stand out at the gym. Jumping on the treadmill or xtrainer is fine...cos every man and there dog is doing that but doing something out of the ordinary i am not a fan of...(all goes back to the fat girl thinking i think) ive got PT homework at the moment to do some roller work and the versaclimber...and i dont know why i think like this...really what are people gonna say...snigger at the fact im doing exercise in the gym? But yet....i try and plan this so i will do the exercises around 2pm when not many people are at the gym. Sometimes it feels like im not achieving...its not like someone who decides to do running...and the goal there is to run a 5km. I know for me a lot of the time I feel like i am aimlessly wandering from class to class...piece of equipment to piece of equipment. Without this real goal of like...within 12 weeks i wanna be doing ______________________________ (fill in the blank). Altho currently i do have the stair climb we are working towards...but lol i think thats just gonna be such a struggle...of course i will complete....but it may kill me in the process. Is this just me that feels like this?

Exercise and Food as I was growing up.

So Euphie asked the question what sort of environment in relation to food and exercise did i grow up in.

Food wise....all our food was non processed. Where i lived there was no local takeaway stores or restuarant. We didnt have a family car so travelling to pick up takeaway was never a option. For mine and my sisters birthday each year we did go to mcdonalds (which was a bit of a hike but it was a real treat for us). Till i was a teenager i ate 4 (yes FOUR) weetbix every morning lol....i then didnt eat them for 25 or so years and now i eat weetbix again every morning. (But only 2 and on my high calorie days ill have a 1/4 cup muesli as well). Lunch most days was sandwiches (fritz and cheese being a favourite...but also cheese and lettuce was another favouries - see the theme of cheese!) and dinner was basically...some form of meat with mashed potatos, peas and carrots. On sundays mum treated us and lunch was normally pikelets with jam or pancakes with lemon and sugar. Sunday night dinner was ALWAYS a roast dinner. As most know i dont do vegetables (i eat things like capsicum, spinach, mushrooms, leek, tomatos etc but dont do things like peas, carrots and pumpkin) so dinner time was a constant battle. Mum pretty much tried everything...she would try putting cheese over cauliflower...she would make me sit there at the table till i ate the whole dinner...i even recall one time her making me eat in the laundry cos i couldnt eat my dinner properly (i didnt mind.....the toilet was the next room and i just threw the vegetables down the toilet lol...bad i know!) By the time I got to about 12 my mum gave up trying to force me to eat vegetables...so my dinner meals changed to basically meat (and ive never been a huge meat eater) and mashed potato. Snack wise mum was the BEST cook!!! We rarely ate store bought biscuits, or potato chips or anything like that. But there was always baked goods in the house....everything from chocolate pepermint slices, melting moments, rock cakes, devils food cake (omg drools!!) But my sister and i were never allowed to freely go to the fridge or containers with the "good stuff" lol...we also ate fruit (mainly bananas for me), we also definitely had dessert most nights. Which was anything from fruit and icecream, to apple crumble to a slice or whatever mum had baked in the house. So i basically ate very non processed with controlled treats...and funnily enuff i was a skinny child (ive popped a pic of me at about 13 below)



Exercise wise as i said i did no formal exercise before 10. I was never the girlie child playing with her dolls....and me and my sister were definitely outdoor kids. While we were never allowed a bike :( we had pretty much everything else...pogo sticks....swing set...trampoline....totem tennis...cricket and tennis sets.

When i was 10 mum decided i was going to take ballet class. I had nearly failed grade 4 and mum felt i needed discipline. I remember mum telling me I needed to stick it out for a full term. But of course I was pretty damn good at ballet and loved it....and going into my teens this was my main form of exercise. I eventually was doing ballet 4-5 days per week - and if i didnt have class the only way i was allowed to continue ballet was to practice a hour a day....so yep....i didnt lack in exercise! My sister did gymnastics and i occassionally went to that as well(usually during school holidays) and even did some tennis lessons at one point.

My weight gain came from two things. When my dad got sick and i was no longer doing ballet...and mum was living at the hospital she no longer had time to cook like she once did...we were often given money for lunch....for me that meant a meat pie and a apple turnover (mmmmmmmmmmmmm) which led to some weight gain...i was never overweight at this point (altho my mum was constantly on my case about it) the weight gain got consolidated when we moved from sydney to adelaide....and mum met her current husband. We ended up moving into his house....his cupboards were constantly filled with chips and biscuits and mum didnt cook as much then. So i ate a lot more processed foods then which i think led to more weight gain. I moved out of their home when i was 17 and got a lil unit by myself. I only had a lil part time job at target in those days...so money was tight...i remember living on premium biscuits with kraft processed cheese....and also fritter rolls from the chicken shop.

Weigh in day!

I weighed in today....lost 700 grams :) As i said to my food coach last week...my aim at this point is to lose 400 grams per week, i am not in a rush and if going slower helps with the skin long term then i dont care if i dont get to goal till this time next year...so more then happy with a 700 gram loss. My body fat stayed the same at 37.7% which is good too :) slowly slowly....its consistently staying under 40% the last few weeks which is great.

Yesterday i had PT...more torture LOL. Fiona had created a collage of photos from saturday nite and printed it all up for me...so im gonna get that all nicely framed. Then fiona explained .... that in the members area at the gym there is two "books"....folders with in one of them its got weight loss testimonials for the staff and the other one is weight loss testimonials of different members....well they wanna do a "book" all on my story! LOL how insane!!! Exciting stuff tho :)

Today i did boxing. Which kicked my ass...the good thing about boxing...one it really does kick my ass but also its completely different each session. It doesnt feel like i get any better at it ever .... but got to keep on keeping on. Tonight i went out for dinner....i had made sure i had 800 calories left...so i had 2 slices of bread with a pasta bolognaise and one glass of wine. I also had a piece of bread with peanut butter when i got home....so im pretty sure i hit 800 calories smack bang on its head.

Went to a few second hand stores today....bought a couple of pairs of cargo pants....size 16 one pair fits me already altho its a firm fit...hopefully when ive lots another 3 or so kilos it will fit me nice. I bought a few tops...a peter alexander tank top...sportsgirl top...and a size 10 top which buttoned up!! It is a firm fit but another few kilos and im sure i will be wearing it. I really wish my hip and stomach area would start to catch up....I seem to be a 12-14 on my top half and a 16-18 on the top half ..... bahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Tomorrow im doing a big workout....pump and balance followed by my PT homework (run up 3 flights of stairs ....walk one flight....run up 3 flights of stairs and repeat as well as 20 minutes on the versa climber and some foam rolling) and then tomorrow nite boxing and cycling. Should sleep awfully well tomorrow nite! LOL I only did PT on monday which is why im doing a big day tomorrow.

Not much else going on...sure my bed is calling my name....enjoy your wednesday all :)

Some pics from last nite....

Here are a few pics from last night....Fionas partner took the photos....they are fabulous (especially love the black & white ones) can't really thank him and fiona enough for spending time doing the photos :)

Me and Laura




Me and Fiona




Ryan, Jaimee and Me




Me and Fiona




Me and Sarah




The whole group



Jaimee and Me.

Last night :)

Well dinner for my 5 years (or my 5 year "weigh-aversary" as my sister called it lol) was lovely. It was a early nite (how i like it - im old yanno! lol) but it was really nice...lovely food (altho i only ate half of mine!) The unfortunate thing was the tables in the restuarant either side of us were really close to us and the "fat girl" in me was worried about going and walking around them to talk to everyone that i wouldnt be able to get thru (gawd imagine if that happened when im celebrating 5 years of being healthy lol) As per the photos below i wore a maxi dress...i was REALLY worried about wearing it as its quite low cut...and so yes the girls definitely got a nite out lol...and i did feel very conscious of how low cut it was....but i loved that it was long....i felt very girlie in it :)

One interesting thing that occurred on the nite and ive been thinking about today is .... alcohol ;) Back in 2008 when i first started training with fiona....i was going out to golden dances and the wheaty etc a bit...i pretty much always got tipsy...at the time i thought i was doing it to relax me to make meeting new people easier (and i am sure there is some truth to that). Anyway since january 2009 i stopped that bad habit. I dont think i have even had 4 glasses in the last 2.5 years. Anyway last nite i decided to have a glass of wine with my dinner. I expected this morning the scales to go up (due to sodium from the bacon and how my body would react from the alcohol) anyway yesterday morning the scales were up to 89.7 kilos (argh!!!! think the fish and chips definitely caught up with me) and after taking a day of counting calories, having high sodium food and alcohol i expected to be over 90 kilos....but miraculously i was down to 89.3 kilos this morning :) Anyway must admit i enjoyed the luxury of having a glass of wine with dinner. When i got home i checked out the calories...only 98 calories for 150mls. But upon thinking about it...i really feel now that when i was bigger i drank the amount i did (altho i didnt drink heaps but when i did i definitely overdrank) to avoid how i was feeling. To escape the thoughts of "being the fat girl and being somewhere i didnt belong" its nice to think now...when i go out for dinner i can have a glass of wine and thats that. I can enjoy it for what it is but not have a need to get tipsy to avoid feeling negative and hating myself....i think this is good too cos its all about once i get to goal living in moderation.

Yesterday morning i gymmed it. Did 30 minutes walking on the treadmill. Then a 30 minute weight session. I actually did 80 kilos on the leg press....not bad when im around the 89 kilo mark....nearly leg pressed my weight....and the other funny thing i realised when we were doing chest press....was that the weights im doing now...while are a lil higher then i have previously ever done...because im so much smaller now....the fact im doing 40-50% of my actual body weight now is amazing. I then walked up 35 flights of stairs....and then did a 60 minute body balance class. While i dont wear a heart rate monitor anymore im pretty sure i would have burnt at least 700 calories (altho prolly closer to 1000 calories - impressive!)

Progress pic....What a difference 5 years makes :)

Lovely Day :)

Today has been a fabulous day! It seems like it was the perfect way to spend the "eve" of my 5 years! I went shopping and found a long maxi dress,,,,lil worried its a lil low cut but im just going to pin it so its not so low cut...and it was a size 12!!!! I then went to harbortown...which is all outlet stores....i went to the Lorna Jane one...bought two tshirts for a total of $40...bargain!!! Then wandered over to joggers world and bought a pair of new balance shoes for the gym for $99.95....then over to bendon were all bras were a maximum of $15....they had bendon and elle intimates....i bought this lovely bra...black with white lace over it..so i finally own a "date bra" lol. I then went to a local second hand store...they had everything on sale for $2 plus i had a $5 voucher LOL....so 3 jackets and 3 tops for $7 and the 3 jackets are all size 12's .... 2 of them fit me perfectly .... altho one is a lil snug....size 12 in tops is definitely starting to become "my size" so i obviously have lost centimetres (havent been measured for a month or so) which is funny when the scales havent moved much...Im still in 16-18's in jeans and gym pants...so its all slowly happening :) Had lunch down at harbortown today too...out in the sunshine....was lovely!!

OMG the resistance on this bike goes that high?

Im so impressed with me at the moment :) Woke with a headache this morning so was going to give the gym a miss .... but i was pretty sure the headache was related to dehydration (delayed reaction to the sodium from the fish n chips?) Anyway got lots of water in me and by 1pm i was ready to get out in the fresh air. I went for a small walk (initially this was going to be a recovery day lol) anyway as most know my feet are torturous...anyway i havent done much walking except between home and the gym, anyway i use to go for 6km walks....and that was the plan today...except i had drunk so much water this morning 10 minutes into the walk i was busting lol anyway...i walked 2.6km which is a route i normally take....last summer i tried so many times to do that portion of the walk in under 30 minutes....i dont think i even managed it under 35 minutes...but ta-da did it in 27 minutes :) Came home and a bit later decided to hit the gym tonite...i did a 30 minute boxing class first....omg!! i nearly freakin died. Im not a fan of getting down on the ground (like in a flat pushup position) then jumping up to the bag to do jabs....anyway we did 3 minutes of this where for some of the time we were down on the ground for only 2 seconds! lol it was prolly the hardest boxing class ive ever done. I then did a freestyle cycle class...ive never had this instructor before for cycle (ive barely done any cycle classes over the last 5 months) anyway she explains level 10 which is the top level u work at....you up the resistance on the bike till you cannot pedal then drop the resistance of a tiny bit! OMG!! The legs sure got a work out. I was sweating like a maniac but was a real thorough work out....so the aim is to definitely do that one from now on on wednesdays. Tomorrow i am doing a 45 minute step class...then prolly 30 minutes of gentle walking on the treadmill before a 30 minute PT session.....phew......

When i was at the gym tonite i was talking to a few of the girls and then one of the girls said "you are my biggest inspiration" seriously how cool is that? hearing that from someone you barely know ;) And now i am taking my exhausted butt to bed!!!!

5 years this week :)

It is simply amazing to me that 5 years ago this week I joined weight watchers on what would be the first step in my journey to get healthy. I remember how hard things were back then, and over the last few weeks I have gone back thru my journal reading on different things about my life then. I remember i LIVED on the computer...no joke...if i was awake and not at work...you would find me attached to the computer. I remember I always had to have a purchased bus ticket in my hot little hand cos the aisle where you go on a bus to pay the driver I couldnt fit in to. In the early days I tried to go for a 30 minute walk, and it took me 3 days to get over that one lil walk. I remember calling in sick to work because I simply did not have the energy to walk to the top of my street to catch the bus to work, it was just too much for my body.

I remember in the beginning...getting to goal wasnt even part of the plan. Staying on the weight watchers plan past 6 weeks was my only initial goal. But i remember right from the beginning there was something different this time. I remember after a few weeks I wanted to do some exercise, I did try a walk (as mentioned above) but that didnt work out - so in the end i pulled out my yellow pages. I would step up and down of it (funnily enough i am still doing steps! lol) I could only manage about 10 in one go initially...but I did it several times a day and built them up. Eventually I had destroyed that yellow pages and went out and bought a actual step. After just over 4 months I had lost 20 kilos. (and then proceeded to gain about 5 kilos back over christmas)

Today i am 82 kilos down. It certainly hasnt all been easy and there have been some very definite times where i have wanted to chuck this whole weight loss thing in the bin. But luckily i have had the right support around me to realise giving up is not a real option.

I am asked at times how or why i think i have been successful to date with this weight loss journey. I dont think its any one thing but it is a multitude of things. My FEAR of being 170 kilos again is a huge factor. Facing the thought of each day being closer to becoming confined to your home is scary. Your becoming that person you see on tv who the fire department are required to get them out of the house .... that is who i WAS becoming, and i am convinced if i dont hit 76 kilos or lighter i will end up back there....thats a huge incentive not to give this up. Ive had fabulous support, from a great trainer (really can I rave about what Fiona has given me enough??? She has affected my life in more ways than I can even really explain....to say I am thankful that it was suggested I train with her is the understatement of the year)to staff at the gym who are always encouraging, to friends both virtual and real wanting only the best for me and of course this great lil community that my journal has enabled me to be a part of. One of the best things i ever did was back in 2009 when i made a conscience decision to make this "my passion". When i decided to read and watch anything i can on nutrition, health, exercise etc it changed everything for me. Whilst at the time I was stuck on a plateau and it would be another 4 or so months for me to break that - learning to enjoy the difference certainly made a difference for me. Suddenly it wasnt a chore - it was my "thing", my "hobby" and if you make something your passion its no longer a torturous effort....and then when you start to succeed at it - it only encourages you more.

Today life is good, I can walk into a regular clothing store and find something to wear, i no longer puff and pant from walking to the letterbox - in fact today I am probably fitter then a lot of people I know, Im happy, I dont spend 24/7 in front of the computer and tv, I dont avoid being social and even am starting to meet new people, and I now know my body leaning, sitting, or standing on something doesn't necessarily mean it will definitely break. I can walk into a gym class and not feel I don't belong, I can row, climb staircase after staircase, Im strong (relatively lol) and I might even be tempted to think I have been successful at getting my life and health on track...all in all life is good :)

(Comparison photos will come this weekend :))

Weigh in day!

Weighed in today....gained 1.2 kilos....considering i went crazy on the cookies last tuesday (when the scales had gone up to 88.8 kilos) and then i had fish and chips n bbq chips on sunday nite....that i was 88.3 kilos this morning i was quite impressed, bigger bonus my body fat dropped by 2% so is now down to 37.7% - yes how horrendously high is it considering how long i have been exercising for :(. That said ive hit the gym pretty hard the last 4 days. Yesterday i did 25 minutes on the xtrainer...PT session....then 45 min body combat and 60 min body jam. Today i did 14 flights of stairs...30 minute boxing class and 20 minutes on the xtrainer. I must say even tho I ate bad sunday night i feel a lot more focused. Im enjoying the gym more.....not so much during it but the feeling after....knowing ive done something to help with my weight loss. Not sure why its suddenly kicked it...maybe its the weather improving...or maybe its cos i know i only have 7 weeks left of these holidays and i want to make the most of it lol. Tomorrow im doing pump and balance. I really wish there was some other class for weight/resistance work ... ive barely done pump lately....mostly cos it bores me....i know its helpful with the body shaping...but its boringggggggggggg....but i need the weight work so the aim will be to keep doing it once a week, and of course i enjoy body balance.

Im still trying to decide what to wear to the dinner on saturday nite. I did try on a skirt yesterday and i did actually like it...but its kinda a casual skirt (altho i could dress it up a bit)....with my body shape and my stomach and issues with not wanting a dress that finishes above my knees it just makes finding a dress i like hard to find. My food coach goes today "what are we going to work on this week" i explained about the dinner....she was like...have whatever main meal you like....even have a dessert if you want...and one or two glasses of wine...lol...am looking forward to the night ... should be fun :)

Questions?

I want to do some posts based you your questions! If you have a question you would like me to answer....pop it in the comments or email me at princesskaryn@optusnet.com.au and i will do my very best to answer as many questions as I can!