93.9 is a huge number. It is the number I initially needed to get to a healthy weight range. I havent REALLY thought about it for a long time. But then was thinking about it today after reading a comment on my ww page....even if i had lost 1 kilo every week....it still would have taken me close to two years to lose the weight...TWO YEARS. Its a huge number....its over nine "decades"...i remember in the beginning...i had this huge number to lose...but there is just this feeling that your not accomplishing anything....when your that big you lose 5 kilos....and of course its improving your health...but that girl inside you who just wants to be able to go shopping and not end up in tears cos the size 26 jeans dont fit you...it doesnt feel like you are getting anywhere fast. Its a drudgery....and its also filled with fear "when will the losses stop". I never truly expected to go all the way...i expected at some point it would get too hard and i would go on a KFC fest and put the weight back on. I really thought i wouldnt be "good" at losing weight and lets be honest while i thought exercise would be important with my weight loss i never thought i would be regularly attending the gym. I thought this point would come that no matter what i would do i would stop losing weight and i have certainly had times were losses were like getting blood out of a stone but somehow i still managed to get past them. Think about it NINETY THREE kilos...i had to lose nearly as much as i weighed when i was 23 years old...now to get to the healthy weight range i have to lose JUST the approximate equivalent of a 1 year old child! Its all amazing.
In line with where i think i am at...and thinking about how i am heading in to a weight i will eventually settle on. I have decided im going to talk to my food coach to change from weekly weigh ins to fortnightly weigh ins. I dont feel that i need the weekly accountability...i feel more confident in myself and my ability to motivate myself and that im at a place where even if i did go off track and eat something i shouldnt that i would just get back on track. Im not going to weigh in for the rest of my life. Ive thought for a long time come early next year i will change to monthly weigh ins. I feel now is the right time to start progressing towards that. I have paid for weekly sessions...not that i am worried about that...but i have that as a back up...if i suddenly struggle....i can always just book a session in with Amy. So this feels good...it feels like the right decision for me!
Its also suprising to me how my mind set has changed. I was talking to jody last nite and she was like....its a long time since you have had a "depression" moment...i then told her i havent taken depression meds for about 2 years now. It kinda hit me how much my mindset had changed when i was on the ww forums today and someone was down because they wanted to take their sister horseriding but couldnt due to weight limitations. Soon as i read it i was like...dont feel bad....use that as inspiration for a goal....and do something else for your sister like climbing the harbor bridge,,,,hot air balloon etc etc. And the person totally got on board with what i was saying and turned that negative moment into a positive goal setting moment. I love that my mind and brain can think that way these days...and that i helped someone get in a better frame of mind from my thoughts. Not a brain that is thinking "my life sucks" instead these days my brain thinks "seriously how good is life and how happy am i?"