Well i am in a foul mood...weighed in last nite and gained 2.5 kilos...this is insane...i was so good...stuck to my 1700 calories (which has now reduced to 1500 calories and i am all out of sorts now and i HATE counting calories), drank 2-3 litres of water EVERY DAY, exercised...it makes no sense that i gained 2.5 kilos. I really feel like putting the gym on hold for a month or so and then seeing how i feel. When we took that gain into account ive lost a whole 1.3 kilos this month WACKADO what a waste...i really do wonder if 130 kilos is where i am meant to be...i have fluctuated between 130 and 133 kilos since may...im not making any headway and it really is draining the hell out of me. I know our bodies are complicated contraptions and we wont always lose...but to gain 2.5 kilos..is crazyness and pissing me off no end. So i think i will in my next break put the gym on hold for the month of october and then reassess

Tuesday September 29

Gymmed it last nite. Fiona had me running around the place like a mad woman...she was incredibly impressed by how much running she made me do lol with the running we also did boxing...she was quite impressed with my combos...said i am no longer tentative when we are boxing and punch and kick hard these days.

Today is weigh in day...fingers crossed for a good loss. If i have a gain i will be super pissed cos it wont be deserved...but hopefully 500 grams or more and i will be one happy girl...that will be the 5th loss in a row...so fingers and toes crossed please!

Nothing else to really say...all is good

Well start of another week. BLAH lol. Tonite i have a PT session of boxing with some light walking on the treadmill for my warm up. Debating on lunch today...the cafe at work is doing yiros's (which i love!) so mite treat myself...they are 500 calories..and these are made at work not on a spit with oil repitively dripped on them so shouldnt be too dangerous.

I invited Leigh to come out to dinner with me and Jaimee this weekend...whether that was a wise move or not im not sure...i think i should just face facts she isnt interested. If she doesnt come i dont care...maybe that would be better anyway...I am really looking forward to catching up with ms J.

So its my last few days at the current gym, wednesday is the last nite there will be very strange to move to the other gym. Starting to think about what to do with the gym when my contract expires in april (yes i have another 6 months to go but this will be a big decision) Currently i train with fiona 3 times a week...i always did this with the hop/belief that at the end of the 12 months i would be completely capable of doing classes...this i dont think is the case...i am paying $206 a fortnight at the moment...which si the membership, dietician and fionas sessions. Now I dont think I would ever not go to fernwood (well unless fiona left for some reason) but i dont think i wanna commit when this contract is up to another 12 months of such a high amount to pay on a fortnightly basis...going back to one PT session and the dietician would be $136 a fortnight...still not a huge difference in price only $70 (i dont think i am really paying for my 3rd PT session per week at the moment but shhhhhhhhh on that ! LOL) realistically fiona is what will keep me at fernwood...not that i dont like it i do...but its in the city...a lil bit of a pain to get too especially during winter...but im sure without fernwood i wouldnt be at where i am now even tho im nowhere near where i wanted to be. Then there is the fact that a gym has opened at the top of my street plus there is contours around the corner...so im quite undecided about it all...of course i would hate to not train with fiona.

Okies off i go

My bloody mp3 player that I bought all of a week ago isnt working ! ugh my computer doesnt detect it when i plug it in and when i turn it on it stays stuck on the initial screen and theres no damn reset button on it...thankfully i still have the reciept...so will return it this week...i dont want a replacement i either want a ipod or a refund...now that i realise this brand may have its issues so think I may get a more reliable brand...but see what they say first.

Im starting to get nervous about this weeks weigh in having not weighed myself since wednesday morning is bizarre ... i know ive eaten well...ive exercised...i stopped taking the nasal spray (which had steroids in it) and now im just hoping for a loss...any loss...my main concern is not to go bloody back over 130 kilos. My main concern is i did have a meat pie for lunch (it was from work was free for a football themed day) that was last wednesday but i know pies have nearly enuff calories for a full day...oh not so bad...i just checked in my calorie counter...450 calories altho of course the 24 grams of fat in it aint so good lol

Anyway not too much else going on...im not so sure about the hair do anymore think it makes me look too much like a boi...so mite allow it to grow down to my shoulders (not a big deal my hair grows very fast) enjoy ur sunday all

Saturday September 26

It is so friggin windy here today ! I wanna go out for a walk but the wind hurts my ears. This morning i gymed it...did 15 minutes of cardio coach,,,sweated my lil butt off followed by my PT session of weights.

I then went shopping...went to target...firstly they have now matching knicker and bra sets for up to size 20DD...and they are soooooooooo pretty and the bras are like padded ... really nice so mite have to buy some. Then i found a dress I liked...went and grabbed a size 20...put it on....TOO BIG ! way too big! wow im impressed as i grabbed it i was expecting it would be too tight around my hips but there was heaps of room but the top was huge big on me...and my hips DID look big but i think it may be cos the dress had some pleats in it. I then saw some ultra cute jeans and top...so on thursday nite ill try them on and mite buy them...the jeans was really soft material so we will see !

Then went and had my hair done....she cut it in a blunt style and coloured...im really happy with it.

For now im gonna go relax and watch some tv....mite pull out the wii later today!

And heres a pic....

Reflecting...

Everybody knows i love biggest loser...especially the american one (soooooooo much better then the aussie one...shame channel 10 chooses to cut out half the good stuff...but thats another story) and yes i do have the biggest crush on Jillian BUT i find the show SOOOOOOOOOOOO motivating. I was watching the latest episode tonite and Dan who was in last series and they bought him back to continue the journey made the comment "i love the person i am becoming" SNAP referring back to my previous post...yeh im not there yet...i have less the 50 kilos and i will be 80 kilos...holy hell...seriously???? The girl who started off with 96 kilos to lose is now getting down to less then 50 kilos? I have less then 30 kilos and i will be under 100 kilos...i am so much closer to 100 kilos then 200 kilos...3 years ago that wasnt the case. Anyway when Dan made that comment i got thinking..3 years ago...i really had only limited friends...i knew tania and jody...but that was the extent of my friendship base...in that time i have truly become more confident...not with everything but still a lot of things. I was on the treadmill last nite...walking on it at a speed of 4.2 holding on with one hand the other hand i had my mp3 player and i was flicking thru songs and adding them to the favourite list for any i really liked...this from the girl who when i first started training with fiona last august said...im petrified on the treadmill...im petrified of falling or rolling my ankle...yet now it comes to me as easily as it comes walking down the street. I have so many more friends now...i have the ww girls i have met, i have my buds from work especially ryan, joe and ms jaimee...i know people in the lesbian community...i mean for having NO friends too over 100 friends on facebook thats a pretty fine effort (and only ONE of them is a relative - and thats another good news story - yesterday I added my dads sister) while im not perfect on this next point....i dont sit in front of the computer all the time...i do still spend some time there either in my journal or facebook...but...my friends on facebook are my real life...not pretenders in some chat program...and i have to admit i am liking myself more and more...

The other thing is...everything thinks i do so much exercise...yet i dont feel i do. While watching biggest loser...i realised they aim to burn 6000 calories per day...now i have a job and a life and so wouldnt do that in a pink fit LOL but i dont think 4000-6000 per week is that ridiculous. So time for some changes...i have my 3 PT sessions per week...on top of that i want to make the committment to exercise for 60 minutes per day. My feet are much better now the orthotics have helped heaps...tomorrow arvo...its time to get out there and go for a nice long walk...im gonna at some point when its not raining ;) chuck on that mp3 and walk for 30 minutes and then head home...sunday i will head off for a walk too...another 60 minutes.And this is all do able. This is the last week before day light savings...the only days i prolly wont get those walks in is thursday and friday (gym is closed and will be too dark to walk after work plus friday i have Ofest so gawd knows what condition i will be in hehe i am planning a couple of wines that arvo) I also wanna get some books on positive thinking anyone know any good ones? (except dr phil ive read that) books that are not too heavy to read...and get the point across clearly.

I watch biggest loser and i want to challenge myself so much...normally anything out of the gym im sitting there going to fiona...i cant do that...(and pretty much always i have been able to do that) time for me to just start jumping in when fiona gives me these things to do. This journey for me is about to be hugely stepped up..oh....and....under 120 kilos by christmas...i wanna be in my teens on that day...shocking the crap out of the family....looking like a real girl in a summer dress.

Okies off i go

PS and yes Jillian is one big spunk haha ;)

Yes another damn post! Over the last month or two ive got frustrated numerous times at this whole weight loss thing and i think i have finally figured out why ! Its been 3 years since i started this whole thing (was 3 years august 6) and i dont think i ever expected it to take this long...and i think the fact i ahve hit that 3 years frustrates the hell out of me...that said i know ive made a huge difference etc etc but doesnt take the frustration away. I've been thinking about tomorrow mornings PT session and mite take the "wellness program" stuff in to do instead of working out...i think we would only have one or two more sessions on it and having that focus once we have finished will certainly help. That said i have been going really good lately...with exercise and food....after my bitching about the slimplicity program i really have it working well for me now...and love that im eating very limited processed foods...now ive adjusted to not much crap food i really find it quite easy to follow now.

I forgot to say tania also walking at glenelg for lunch next sunday sounds great - hopefully be a lot better weather then this weekend !

Oh and yes i know KNOW know jody my blog needs updating as in the layout - hopefully next weekend i will have some decent photos and can do that !

Friday September 25

So went to the gym last nite...and in boxing fiona wanted to use the friggin boses (yes she likes my distate for the contraptions) lol anyway she then had me doing jabs on the bloody things. I am sure she gets me to use the things cos she knows i hate them lol but regardless it was a good solid work out. Was quite funny i was doing these kicks against these padded poles and fiona was behind it holding them and sara another personal trainer starts yelling out "harder karyn harder" im like geeesh this is like having two damn trainers LOL My knee wasnt sore at all last nite YAY so i did the ducks (squats) with pretty much ease

Tonite i am having a nice quiet EARLY night. Gonna go to my fave lil italian restuarant in my area and pick up some ravioli amatriciana yumyum!!! I alwyas drink a truckload of water after it as it has chilli in it...its become my "treat" lately and i have no desire for pizza or kfc (yes you did read that right!) when i can go have a yummy pasta dish and bigger bonus is no cream in this dish so its super healthy.

Tomorrow morning its a early session of weights followed by a hair cut and colur and then a eyebrow wax ! Yes its a me day ;)

Not a lot else to say...bloody raining again in Adelaide...yip yip yay lol

All Bran Muffin recipe

Here is the recipe i mentioned a week or so ago...made the muffins tonite...they are a slightly different texture but really quite nice...not sure of the points....(as i dont do ww) it made 12 big ones or you could make it as 24 small ones

–



Here is the all bran muffin recipe . . .



1 cup albran
1/2 cup sultanas
1/2 cup diced dried apricots
3/4 cup sugar
1 1/2 cups milk
1 1/2 cups SR flour

Method:

Combine all ingredients except flour and let stand for 2 hrs or overnight

Then add flour stir until all combined

Bake at 180C for 30 min’s

Wednesday September 23

Daylight savings is coming ! My favorite nerd ryan reminded me of this last nite...i dont gym it generally on wednesday nites and a walk after dinner sounds perfect (now i have the othotics i got i can walk currently for 30 minutes with no pain ;)) its still currently too dark but another 10 days or so and that will be part of my plan.

How exciting that Sean from cardio coach left me a comment! Thats whose voice i was listening too while doing the treadmill last nite "focusing on myself" hehe ;) I went and bought another 3 of the workouts today...downloaded them this morning just gotta chuck em on my groovy mp3 player now and ill be ready to go. I was really impressed when going at the hardest level i had the gradient on the treadmill at TEN yes TEN people! But it wasnt that ahrd cos its only several minutes at that speed...then i go into rest mode of gradient 5 lol but im so impressed with how quickly the time seemed to fly by.

As i currently have no plans this weekend i have decided to do some "me" things. I have managed to swing a early session with fiona saturday morning...after that i have a hair appointment (gotta get the greys covered up! LOL) Then i MIGHT go again looking at dresses...mite go to katies and have a nosy around. Friday and saturday nite im gonna stay in...but seeing as ive been sick i kinda think thats a good idea. Then next weekend is gonna be GREAT! Friday we have "Ofest" at work which is basically half a day off LOL we go to the showgrounds...last year they had bands performing (including that hot goddess vanessa amarosi) then as well as the music there was food, drinks, masssages etc etc...all the while we are being paid to attend! That finishes at 4pm and Ryan wants us to meet up with Jaimee for a drink or dinner. NO gym all that weekend as its closed while they move to the new premises. Sunday i am off to lunch with tania...and at some point me and jaimee are having a "girls catchup" prolly saturday or sunday night. I am even tempted to go to the zoo if there is some nice weather...get out have a nice walk take some fotos and look at all the cute animals :) I would like to set myself a challenge that weekend of a nice long walk...not sure whereabouts...i wish i lived near national parks or something to go for a real challenging walk n something very different.

All else is going fab...last nights weigh in has left me completely re-energised and refocused...i can do this :)

Weigh in Result

well gawd i am a friggin whinger at times. After my earlier carry on i went to the gym. Firstly i got on the treadmill and with my "cardio coach" program on the mp3 player i went hard at it...i LOVE these programs...they made the time fly by couldnt believe how easy 30 minutes on the treadmill went...then i did 5 minutes on the xtrainer and i was sweating like a piggy! LOL

Then i went in and saw eve, my dietician. I walked in and im like telling her...i will gain...i dont understand i am doing everything right...i increased my water...i feel i will never get under 130 kilos...well (and excuse my language) but fuck me !!! i am under 130 kilos!!129.5 kilos to be exact...taking me to 41.4 kilos and i have lost over 90 pounds...amazingggggggggggggggggggggggg (and proves dont trust my bloody scales!) the other thing was last we discussed my body fat...and we decided to may a effort to increase my water as not being hydrated can increase ur body fat...well lo and behold...my body fat dropped by 8% hahhahah go me !!!! This weigh in was exactly what i needed ... i feel like ive been rewarded for my efforts.

I'm thinking...not bad thinking...but im thinking. Im really jacked that im gonna go for a weigh in and have a gain tonite...not jacked as in im gonna jump off the bridge and give up this weight loss thing but miffed all the same.

I have fluctuated between 130-131.5 kilos for MONTHS. I know im getting smaller...my clothes tell me that...today i was in the cafe and one of the girls said..."your face is so thin now" THIN wtf uses the word thin when talking about me? So i do know physically it is working...but i seriously hate the scales lol i cant help but wonder what im not doing right. All ive eaten lately is unprocessed foods with the odd freddo frog and a ww or skinny cow dessert, all my foods have been portion controlled and im getting ALL food groups in.... I am on 1700 calories...my BMR is 2600 calories...i should theoretically be losing a kilo or more per week...but im not. Im still happy tho cos i know im eating healthy i know im doing whats right...i hate the fact ive also got to weigh in for the biggest loser competition in 10 days time too. I know the plan i am doing works...i know im eating super healthy...but i think the combination of illness/injuries is pissing me off, the scales just seem permanantly stuck on starting with the digits 13. I also hate...HATE that i have been a member of the gym for over a year yet i know NONE of the other members...sure i know all the staff and they know me....but im in my solitary lil world there...even when on the cardio equipment i dont even smile at anyone im just stuck in my own lil world..maybe if i went to classes etc id meet people...and i wish i just knew whether i should be capable of doing the classes and more importantly i wish i was capable...i wish i wasnt the biggest person there UGH I want the results for the work i put in and i guess at this point i dont feel im getting that..sure im healthier and smaller then 3 years ago...but i have been at this for 3 years...of course i should be bloody smaller then 3 years ago BUT the truth of the matter is i should be a lot smaller...i should be at least 30 kilos lighter...i should be out of plus sizes by now. I hate that i was friggin too worried about what my hips would look like in a maxi dress so i didnt try one one...ughhhhhhhhhh can u tell im pissed? If you cant you bloody well should ! LOL while i am annoyed and a lil frustrated...i kinda accept this is how it is and no changing the way things are.


Oh and before i go i have to post this cos this is hilarious...this is a email my friend jaimee sent to my other friend Ryan about this years christmas show lol....

Dear Mr Spowart,

Please be advised that her royal highness, Karyn, has done me the huge honour, of accepting to be MY date, at this years xmas party.

This is further proof of your loser status.

I plan to wine & dine her, and if she plays her cards right, she may even get an embossed 2010 dairy.

Sincerely, Ms Ireland

Tuesday September 22

Woke up this morning and the bloody scales are up UGH on weigh in day not only that going from a morning to a evening weigh in so i am expecting a gain of about a kilo or more dammit...oh well...im still eating so bloody well and im convinced the issue isnt the food going into my mouth...more i need to up the ante of exercise (i didnt really do any last week due to being sick) Yesterday i went out for 2 small works at work...managed to fit them in when the weather wasnt too bad (we had dreadful weather yesterday) i also think part of this is a mental issue....i really think i am not meant to get under 130 kilos...think i need to go buy some books on positive thinking.

Went to the gym last nite...i was telling fiona ive noticed some pain in my left hip...she got me to stand still and looked at me from behind and she believes my left hip is about a inch higher then my right hip. Anyway will say how it goes for the next week or so if it doesnt settle down the gyms pilates instructor is a physiotherapist so i will go see her and fiona will try and come to the appointment so that her and kylie (the physio) will work together on this. I must admit i had a big grumble last nite...i feel like everytime i turn around im sick or ive got sore feet or sore hips or whatever...fiona was like u prolly had all these viruses etc before but now your healthy your body is getting rid of all these toxins now that your body can recover from these things easier. THEN we started the new weights program...i actually rather like this program...the interesting exercise was standing on a bose trying to balance...fiona throws a 5 kilo medicine ball to me (started with a 4 kilo one and built it up to 5 kilos)i then catch it while still balancing in the bose i then do a squat and then throw the ball back...and we do this 12 times...then repeat again...at one point i was asking how heavy the ball was and she was like...oh and this is the heaviest so i mite have to start throwing dumbells to u soon hahahhaha smart ass trainer ;) I was planning to do 2 weight sessions this week....but im wondering if i should do 2 boxing sessions or even maybe one boxing session and one cardio machine session (UGH she asks me about them occassionally and im always like nooooooooooooo) i also think i need to really increase the exercise and some harder cardio...if i hadnt had problems with my knee id consider doing a step class...will be interested to see the classes once they release the new class timetable for at the new gym

Okies time to go get ready for work ! Have a good day all :)

Monday September 21

Well gawd damn i just "really" clicked that i missed out on catching up with leigh friday nite...we planned to go out for dinner (were planning to go to strathmore hotel) and then for a few drinks at the girls club. Jaimee messaged me this morning saying u musta been sick to miss out on a nite out with leigh and her hahahahah ;) I have a girls nite out with some friends i went to school with...jaimee is invited and hopefully will come i am tempted to invite leigh as well mite run it past jaimee and see what she thinks.

Its really nice being back in my routine..i missed it and am glad its back and raring to get back to the gym (that said ive had a couple of moments today where ive felt a bit faint so i will just go slow with fiona tonite) I do have a confession to make...whilst sick i went back into chat *ugh* and kinda spent a lot of time with someone...but enuff is enuff...tonite ill delete it all no more going in. So now after having a weekend with plans and ending up sick...this weekend i have no plans (tania i dont think lunch is this weekend? Its the next isnt it????)

Okies not much else to say...off i go...

BL Series 8 Ep 1

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh yeh i forgot to say i watched this the other nite! loved loved loved it. I was thoroughly impressed by how much Jillian swore...made her even hotter lol (and I didnt think this was possible) There is one lady on there whose husband and 2 kids died in a car accident in 2007 so so so sad,,,,one one girl who weighs 470 pounds (213 kilos) so should be really really reallyyyyyy interesting!

Sunday September 20

I'm backkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk ! And feeling much better! Let me back track. Went to the docs on friday (and to the two smartasses - and u know who i mean! - the doc is a male indian lol) he told me i had a virus and a allergy to the virus...i dont really understand what that means...except it means bloody expensive nasal sprays! I am taking otrivan which is just over the counter stuff but also this other stuff which cost $47!!! I have to take it for the next month....and that ones for the allergy. When i rang up my boss on friday she said...you sound awful....yup no chit! LOL My voice is a lot better altho still a lil croaky but i think thats from the spray as it has steroids in it. Then last nite i go upstairs and friggin fell and have one bruised pinky toe! LOL i cant take a trick i swear. After being stuck indoors i am so ready to get back into things!

Today i went looking at dresses...but i wasnt brave enuff to try one on cos i became convinced my hips will look the size of a elephant in them, so i didnt. I then bought a mp3 player...i so needed a new one...its a 8GB one...can store music, videos and pictures...im super excited. I downloaded cardio coach and so will put it on it. Its got a colour screen and u recharge the battery via ur pc...bargain! My last one used AAA batteries and was expensive constantly buying batteries. Oh you can tune in radio stations too so im pretty impressed.

I am making that muffin recipe i mentioned earlier in the week...at the moment its soaking (needs to for 2 hours) then i will mix in the flour and bake em...people at fernwood rave about this recipe...so hopefully its nice...has all bran in em so will have lots of fibre...if they are nice ill post the recipe tomorrow.

Im so keen to get back into everything...back to my routine...back to the gym...only another 10 days and then the gym will close for 5 days and then yippee we move to our new gym...will be like rejoining a new place...will be interesting to see the new classes timetable.

When i was sick the first few days i couldnt drink soft drink...so i didnt...what happened? the bloody scales dropped by TWO KILOS! started drinking the pepsi max again and wats happened? Yep back to what it was before. So when i went to do the shopping today....no pepsi max! I bought a bottle while shopping (habit of mine) but i didnt buy any to bring home...instead i bought 10 litres of water so i have nice tasing water to drink at home! Funny how slowly our tastes change...it amazes me how well im eating lately...havent had any kind of takeaway foods for prolly the last 7-8 weeks and it hasnt been a big deal...no drama at all ! Its helped that the main thing my dietician has focused on is me not getting bored (why she gave me the muffin recipe) and must admit that helps that i am not allowing myself to get bored.

Okay off i go...need to pop down the shop and get some self raising flour for this recipe...enjoy all !

Friday September 18

I've got the bloody flu and im a absolute misery guts at the moment. I have had it since wednesday and am going back to the docs today. So havent gymed it for days and not sure if i will gym it on monday. In the past when ive got the flu when a cough has developed it has taken me forever to get rid of the cough...i've only started coughing a lil this morning..but it doesnt feel in my chest so fingers crossed that doesnt happen. Anyways thought id post to let you know why ive been quiet...hopefully ill be back to do a better post over the next few days.

Monday September 14

Before i forget thanks katali for the nice comment =]

Woke up bright and early today...day off YAY...went in and saw the dietician...weighed in and woohoo lost 400 grams...i was very impressed with this seeing my last weigh in was last thursday! Not only that it was the big 2.3 kilos...when then talked a bit...mostly about how maybe my negative thinking and my OVERthinking holds me back...i was telling her how anything i become interested in i research the wahoozas out of...so she wants me to do some reading up on negative thoughts becoming negative results as well as positive thinking becoming positive results.

I then went to PT with fiona...and i was telling her how i kinda regret entering works biggest loser competition...everyone expects ill win and i WONT i cant compete with guys doing shake diets! But the problem is that i feel im under pressure because of everyones expectations...fiona simply turned around and said...i thought this mite happen (damn trainer who knows me too well obviously!) but yanno im not gonna focus on it too much or try not too...its annoying when people say...so and so have lost 5 kilos (and ive only lost around 2.9 kilos) i KNOW they are not doing it the healthy way....oh well enough grumbling! Anyway we then did the weights session, was the final week of the current program (thank gawd im so over squats, lunges and boses but who wants to bet all those appear in the next program too lol) I need to go buy some gloves to wear while doing weights (girlie gloves as fiona calls em lol) whilst i can lift and pull all the weights....i have soft girlie hands and i wanna keep em! lol and fiona was like you HAVE to go buy some lol she was like you cant get away from it...these weights are not gonna get easier! So mite go out sunday arvo looking for some. Tomorrow i have boxing PT session.

Friday nite i have a appointment to have my hair trimmed and coloured. Saturday i work during the day and heading out for dinner with Jaimee for a catchup saturday nite. Then sunday ill pop into town...look for some gloves...also my sister gave me for xmas 2007 some bath beads (i think thats what they are called!) and ive run out and they were AWESOME for using in my baths....so i mite go to the body shop and see if i can get some. I also am planning to buy a summer dress...prolly one of those maxi dresses...if i do...mite have to take a photo on the weekend...a smiley photo with my teeth showing LOL (so nice now to be worried about people seeing my teeth!)

Eve (my dietician) has given me a couple of muffin recipes...one is muffins with a apricot sauce the other are some muffins made with all-bran (thats the lowest GI cereal available i found out today!) so will test them out on the weekend...prolly make the all bran ones this weekend...if they are nice...ill post the recipe!

Wat else did i learn today? A stab wound is deeper then it is wider while a incision is wider then it is deep hahahha just some trivia i discovered in my latest crime book ! lol

BTW that loss today took me to 130.6 kilos so im back over a 40 kilos loss...40.3 kilos to be exact yay! (thats 88.66 pounds for the yanks ;))

Ok enjoy all !

Sunday September 13

I had a shitty negative day yesterday. I seem to get these every few weeks lately. Really frustating, generally it happens after a big loss and then i seem to gain a lil (900 grams yesterday) even tho ive still been eating everything okay...and yes i know all that our bodies do fluctuate at different time for different reasons, and people can say dont weigh yourself daily...well nope im always gonna do that lol but its still a lil annoying...I'd personally prefer to not have these large losses and say lose 2oo grams per week but lose every week...oh well...i still do wonder if i am eating enuff..my BMR is 2600 and im eating 1700 calories...mite discuss this a lil more with the dietician tomorrow. And when i get in these moods...i really get down on myself for not being further along in the journey then i am...and i lose that belief that i can do it...i think its happened so much lately cos i dont seem able to break the 130 kilo barrier and STAY under it...but i know it took so long to put on the weight etc etc no need to tell me all of that stuff..this is just my lil vent which i am entitled too :)

That said i feel better today...the scales have dropped 400 grams. Even tho its sunday its my friday as i have monday and tuesday off work...tomorrow morning i see the dietician then i have a training session with fiona and i also have one tuesday morning. I did text fiona yesterday to see if we could do either session for a hour so we could do some of the well ness planning so i can do a bit of refocusing...soooooo we may do that tomorrow instead of a work out...thats all dependant on whether i can come up with my "strengths" the one question in the last lot of homework she gave me ive been stuck on lol

The rest of the 2 days off i plan on just pottering around the house...do the washing...cleaning the house (having had only one day off last week i didnt clean!) i also am planning to catch up on some of my viewing...i have recorded so much stuff of foxtel now i wanna sit down and watch it all! Especially all my crime stuff (yeh im a sick gal lol)

With that...time to do these last 8 hours then two days off Yippeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Saturday September 12

Im at work this morning and we have been busy...thats just wrong ! Being busy on a saturday morning...gee people go watch the footy or something instead of ringing ME!

Remember i mentioned the girl i had been chatting to who had thought about transgendering? Well...she asked me to go out to dinner...that was fine...spoke to her last nite via msn...then this morning at 6.30am i logged on to check my emails etc i kid u not the minute my msn loaded she was messaging me to say good morning! Good lawd! wtf are lesbians so full on? gawd.

So for the girls who mentioned wearing the bike pants swimming...where did u get the from? Do you just use bike pants you can get from target or somewhere? Cos I really would love to go swimmin...i have a local pool...with a gym...whilst i dont need a gym...if i was to go there a few times per week i think it turns out cheaper to get a cheapo membership.

Tonite im making a big batch of spaghetti for dinner, its so nice with the days getting longer...only about another 4 weeks till we will have daylight savings...not only is it easier to get to the gym then but the nites im not gyming i can at least go for a walk after dinner.

Okies off to do some work...enjoy your saturday all

Friday September 11

It is completely amazing to think i have been ging to the gym for 13 months. I am sure if it wasnt for fiona (my personal trainer) i would have given up within months...but finally finding the right trainer really has made a difference. One of the things i have learnt more then anything thru her is this is my journey,,,peoples comments, attitudes, actions, belief of what i should or shouldnt, peoples expectations have no impact on my journey....its my journey...i own it. And thats a huge thing to learn and accept...once i realised i didnt have to be pleasing everyone else i certainly started doing better.

My shoulders and neck are bloomin sore! At the end of yesterdays PT session fiona was giving me my massage and she was like "what on earth have you done to your shoulders they are rock solid hard and up around your ear holes" lol i was like ummm i dunno? So she gave me a hard massage...felt fine yesterday...this morning i wake up and they are friggin killing me! They are so sore...and i can feel how tight they are..also my arms are killing me...so i texted fiona...told her i am cursing her...her response ? "bless" lol...ill be blessing something shortly thats for sure ! lol

FYI at the moment i have comment moderation on so when you add a comment it wont appear straight away

YAY jaimee is coming in to work tomorrow to meet me for lunch (there u go chicka your on my journal lol) and we found out today the WHOLE centre has the long weekend in october public holiday off OMG this is awesome...the friday before we have "Ofest" which is a fun afternoon (for example last year it was a even hosted by Dave Hughes...vanessa amarosi performed and i met her and had my pic taken with her! Drinking...games....free food...massages...tarot cards etc etc...so its like a 3 1/2 day weekend YAY

Okies off to do a few things before heading to bed...early morning tomorrow as i am working tomorrow !

Thinking

Im awake and not able to sleep...the brain is busy thinking. Thinking in a good way tho. And what i thinking about is some things that have been on my mind for a while. The future. I have for a while said when i get to goal i wanna become a personal trainer. But that vision is slowly changing...not to say i wouldnt love to do that...i would...and may...but i also realise by the time i get to goal i will be at least 45. I have thought recently i would like to study nutrition...not just the whole eat 4 protein serves per day...but really get into the science of nutrition. But the one thing i would REALLY like to do is build a resource for women like me. When i first started this journey i had 94.9 kilos to lose (thats 209 pounds) there was nowhere at that time been a resource where i could go and read about someone who has lost 200 pounds that i could relate too. There was nowhere were I could read up about self image from someone who went thru the self image issues...to give u a example...im 100 grams of my 40 kilos....but i still have 54 kilos to lose...i wanna read about how someone my size dealt with the fact that she is still huge after losing 40 kilos....someone who has lost 40 kilos yet still worries she will break chairs...someone who has gone to a store to buy clothes and walked out with clothes 2 sizes to big because the comprehension she could be a smaller size hasnt hit her...someone who has joined a gym...at 150 kilos...who was completely unfit...who barely had the energy to bend down and tie up her shoe laces...should i have at that weight been at a gym...how did she get over the self consciousness of being the fattest person at the gym there are so many things that us "bigger" girls need to know...but were too embarressed to ask on a forum....we want someone in our own space and our own time to go to and sit and read and take in. So this is one of my plans...i wanna create a resource based on my experience...not from dr phils experience...not from the "experts" in the field...but someone who lived thru the experience. So over the coming next months there will be some changes...of course this journal will always be here and i would NEVER stop writing in it...but my plan is to get my own domain...to have a additional journal which i write in maybe once a week with specific topics...with MY VIEW...there will be links...not only to other journals but to some of the great sites i use. Maybe setup a question and answer thing where site visitors can ask me specific questions about this journey and ill attempt to answer them. It by no means will be a experts view or opinion...but simply a girls way of dealing with the issues as she is living with the issues. Its my way...of giving back...and if it helps one person who at 350 pounds is thinking how the hell am i suppose to do this...then the work ill put into it will be worth it.

Thursday September 10

So woke up bright and early on my bloody single day off...and off to the gym i went...weighed in and lost 2.3 kilos....so i am back down to 131 kilos...only a kilo off the dreaded 130 kilo....but we decided not to focus on that at this point. Anyway i weighed in morning instead of evening so it prolly was in reality a loss of around 1.3 kilos but still thats good. Then i went and did 30 minutes of weights and 30 minutes of boxing. I went down much further then previously when doing push ups...and fiona commented i am getting much stronger. Fiona was also saying when the gym moves to the new club (which is happening october 6) they are going to be starting to do kickboxing classes. Dunno if i could handle that or not but its a thought...it will be interesting to see their new timetable for the fitness classes.

I bought a skipping rope the other day i tried to use it today...LOL omg so freaking hard...amazing something that u loved doing as a kid....is so hard and so much hard work...but i will persevere!

I am still contemplating the whole swimming deal...ive put it off cos my thighs are so freaking disgusting its not funny....but i would so love to go swimming...specially as summer is coming so we will see !

And with that...i am off to bed to watch some tv...before getting in a early nite !

Wednesday September 9

I have a confession to make...about 4 weeks ago i went back to the gyms dietician. And i must admit its going rather good so far :) Last week i lost 200 grams...i weigh in tomorrow again and im hoping for around a kilo...but u never know with bloomin scales. But i have been very good. Only processed foods ive really been eating are my treat i have after dinner....which is usually a ww cheesecake or skinny cow icecream. Anyway its ages since ive eaten so healthy. But ive been making sure i get lots of variety...and i have now gained a addiction to bloody dried dates! Ive also been taking wraps with cold meat and cream cheese to work...so friggin yummy! Tonite ive got out beef schnitzel so i think i mite lightly crumb it and have it on a bread roll with salad and a slice of swiss cheese...yum yum

Tomorrow is day off YAY, so tomorrow morning i see the dietician and then a hours PT session with fiona and then i will come home and die! lol No actually i need to plant those bloody plants cos i still havent planted them! LOL i checked them this morning and they are still looking all lovely in their lil pots. And i need to do some house work and washing. But the good thing is i only work 3 days and then got monday and tuesday off...and last full weekend off before 4 weekends off YAY!

Tuesday September 8

well "someone" told me i need to redo my blog layout lol funnily enuff i had been thinking the same thing. So soon as i get some new pics i will do a different layout...id like to do something with possibly a lighter background.

Have been having stomach cramps the last few days so will skip the gym tonite...thursday i am doing a double PT session...so will be weights followed by boxing - ill be one tired girl that afternoon! lol

The scales have dropped about a kilo YAY and OMG i am wearing my size 20 trousers today! I think they must be a very forgiving size 20 and they are tight but YAY for me....size 20! So today..size 20 top and size 20 trousers...cant complain about that at all.

One of the ww girls is organising a op shop tour for in november...so i think i will aim to buy all things size 16-20 i will then get some things to grow into.

The other exciting news is i have been talking to a couple of girls on pink sofa...one asked me today about meeting up for a coffee so mite do that sometime (altho she is a skinny thing so im sure it will be friends only - which is all good - can never have too many friends ;)

Okies off i go !

Sunday September 6

Well delightful TOM arrived today...kinda good cos now i know why ive been up a kilo the last few days. My thighs are still friggin sore...thank you ms fiona for that! lol all those blooming squats we were doing in boxing no doubt. Last nite i tried to do some more pushups on my toes...and i am sure i am going lower ! YAY fiona asked me the other day if im still doing them at home and she said the look i gave her basically said "are you insane" hahah

This princess doesnt start work till 9am tomorrow morning so YAY sleep in till 7.45am wooo hoooo now hurry up and bring my WHOLE day off for this week *rolls eyes* I didnt plant my vegetable plants last nite...slack slack slack of me! I promise tonite i will presume its not pouring with rain...its looking dark and very windy outside so im thinking rain is about to tumble.

Went out for a 15 minute walk at lunch time and we are planning to play basketball in our last 15 minute break YAY...3 1/2 hours and this work day is over...enjoy ur sunday all !

The Journey...so far...

Saturday September 5

Well back at work today which sucks when its a nice SATURDAY outside :( My mouth is a bit better today...last nite lil bits of my gum seemed to be "shedding" kinda like when your skin peels...i still have a lil pain in the jaw as well as the gum area above my front teeth but doing much better today, i bought the photos of my teeth in today and a friend is going to scan them in for me over the next week or so.

Me and a friend from work have decided we are going to start playing tennis on wednesday nites. So next payday ill go buy a tennis racket and then we will start playing ;) This friend is a guy and he is quite big...he joined the biggest loser competition at work only as long as i would go on walks for him at lunch lol but on our walks we have talked lots about healthy living...and he is really starting to adapt to it. So good.

I have become so addicted to that damn my zoo game on facebook lol...but to that point its been about 7 or 8 weeks since ive gone into the chat rooms...YAY

I have been thinking about the candle making course too...once i do that ill do the soap making one too...then if im good at it (and generally crafty things im pretty good at) i mite put some signs up at work to sell some...make me a lil extra cash!

Went to the garden store yesterday and bought some plants...bought cherry tomatos, tomatos, spinach, lettuce and strawberries...mind go back in a week or two and also buy some bok choy and potatos...gonna plant them this arvo after work...and on that note...work calls! Enjoy all!

Thursday September 3

Well day off YAY. Went to the gym this morning...had a good workout...did weights...burned 458 calories. I told fiona that i had lost 49 centimetres around my waist in the last year....she thought that was awesome. Then this afternoon i went to the dentist. FIVE needles to get all the areas numb (they were working on a back tooth and my 4 front teeth) My whole mouth was numb (and the appointment finished at 3.30pm and the numbness has only gone away in the last hour or so), my nose was numb too which was the most horrible sensation as i spent about 6 hours feeling like i cant breath...so glad thats gone away now...my front 4 teeth look awesome...the dentist gave me before and after pics and the difference is amazing. My gum is still quite sore but im sure that will settle down in a day or so, the back tooth they removed some of the packing...did a lil work on some of the tissue and then refilled and sealed it. The appointment cost over $2000 (thank gawd for private health i only have to pay $750 of it) and i now dont go back till november...presuming everything heals fine. I am suppose to gym it tomorrow...depending how i feel i may not work out if my mouth is still sore i will take in the wellness paperwork and do that with fiona. Oh and should i tell you how funny it was trying to drink out of a can of soft drink earlier???? ahahahhah gawd....had to go invest in some straws lol

I also enrolled in a candlemaking course! I have wanted to do this for yearsssssssssss! Its on october 10 for 4 hours. Theres lots of courses i wanna do jewellery making, the candle making, cooking courses and cake decorating courses. One step at a time...so i hope this course is good...if i enjoy it i will do the continuing course too...i also saw a course on setting up a small organic garden in a small area (such as a courtyard) so mite have to give that a try too.

Ok i am off to rest and hopefully get some sleep...enjoy ur friday all!

Numbers!

Went to the gym today and they measured me...I joined the gym 12/8/08 and they did measurements then so its just been over a year...anyway in that year i lost 49 centimetres from my waist, 15 centimetres from my boobs, 7 centimetres from each arm, all my other parts lost between 7 and 11 centimetres. Amazingggggggggggg pretty impressive stuff huh? And since May where ive stayed around 130 kilos...ive lost 34 centimetres all over....one happy girl

Tuesday September 1

Yesterday after we ate lunch me and 3 friends decided to grab the basketball and shoot hoops. We only did it for about 15 minutes but was hilarious...and was some good exercise i was certainly hot n bothered lol. Then in our afternoon break we went for a walk...we got to one part and i was like come on lets jog...so we jogged for about 20 metres and we did that twice...so we exercised for another 15 minutes. Then last nite i went to the gym...did 15 minutes on the cycle and then did a PT session of boxing...managed to burn 463 calories.

Tonite i am off to the gym again (surprise surprise) theres a 30 minute swiss ball class (think thats with fit balls) which i will try with a lil bit of time on the cycle.

Not much else happening today...we are gonna play basketball at lunch presuming its not raining and a walk this afternoon.

Okies off i go enjoy ur day all!