Thursday, September 10, 2009
Im awake and not able to sleep...the brain is busy thinking. Thinking in a good way tho. And what i thinking about is some things that have been on my mind for a while. The future. I have for a while said when i get to goal i wanna become a personal trainer. But that vision is slowly changing...not to say i wouldnt love to do that...i would...and may...but i also realise by the time i get to goal i will be at least 45. I have thought recently i would like to study nutrition...not just the whole eat 4 protein serves per day...but really get into the science of nutrition. But the one thing i would REALLY like to do is build a resource for women like me. When i first started this journey i had 94.9 kilos to lose (thats 209 pounds) there was nowhere at that time been a resource where i could go and read about someone who has lost 200 pounds that i could relate too. There was nowhere were I could read up about self image from someone who went thru the self image issues...to give u a example...im 100 grams of my 40 kilos....but i still have 54 kilos to lose...i wanna read about how someone my size dealt with the fact that she is still huge after losing 40 kilos....someone who has lost 40 kilos yet still worries she will break chairs...someone who has gone to a store to buy clothes and walked out with clothes 2 sizes to big because the comprehension she could be a smaller size hasnt hit her...someone who has joined a gym...at 150 kilos...who was completely unfit...who barely had the energy to bend down and tie up her shoe laces...should i have at that weight been at a gym...how did she get over the self consciousness of being the fattest person at the gym there are so many things that us "bigger" girls need to know...but were too embarressed to ask on a forum....we want someone in our own space and our own time to go to and sit and read and take in. So this is one of my plans...i wanna create a resource based on my experience...not from dr phils experience...not from the "experts" in the field...but someone who lived thru the experience. So over the coming next months there will be some changes...of course this journal will always be here and i would NEVER stop writing in it...but my plan is to get my own domain...to have a additional journal which i write in maybe once a week with specific topics...with MY VIEW...there will be links...not only to other journals but to some of the great sites i use. Maybe setup a question and answer thing where site visitors can ask me specific questions about this journey and ill attempt to answer them. It by no means will be a experts view or opinion...but simply a girls way of dealing with the issues as she is living with the issues. Its my way...of giving back...and if it helps one person who at 350 pounds is thinking how the hell am i suppose to do this...then the work ill put into it will be worth it.