Tuesday, September 22, 2009

I'm thinking...not bad thinking...but im thinking. Im really jacked that im gonna go for a weigh in and have a gain tonite...not jacked as in im gonna jump off the bridge and give up this weight loss thing but miffed all the same.

I have fluctuated between 130-131.5 kilos for MONTHS. I know im getting smaller...my clothes tell me that...today i was in the cafe and one of the girls said..."your face is so thin now" THIN wtf uses the word thin when talking about me? So i do know physically it is working...but i seriously hate the scales lol i cant help but wonder what im not doing right. All ive eaten lately is unprocessed foods with the odd freddo frog and a ww or skinny cow dessert, all my foods have been portion controlled and im getting ALL food groups in.... I am on 1700 calories...my BMR is 2600 calories...i should theoretically be losing a kilo or more per week...but im not. Im still happy tho cos i know im eating healthy i know im doing whats right...i hate the fact ive also got to weigh in for the biggest loser competition in 10 days time too. I know the plan i am doing works...i know im eating super healthy...but i think the combination of illness/injuries is pissing me off, the scales just seem permanantly stuck on starting with the digits 13. I also hate...HATE that i have been a member of the gym for over a year yet i know NONE of the other members...sure i know all the staff and they know me....but im in my solitary lil world there...even when on the cardio equipment i dont even smile at anyone im just stuck in my own lil world..maybe if i went to classes etc id meet people...and i wish i just knew whether i should be capable of doing the classes and more importantly i wish i was capable...i wish i wasnt the biggest person there UGH I want the results for the work i put in and i guess at this point i dont feel im getting that..sure im healthier and smaller then 3 years ago...but i have been at this for 3 years...of course i should be bloody smaller then 3 years ago BUT the truth of the matter is i should be a lot smaller...i should be at least 30 kilos lighter...i should be out of plus sizes by now. I hate that i was friggin too worried about what my hips would look like in a maxi dress so i didnt try one one...ughhhhhhhhhh can u tell im pissed? If you cant you bloody well should ! LOL while i am annoyed and a lil frustrated...i kinda accept this is how it is and no changing the way things are.

Oh and before i go i have to post this cos this is hilarious...this is a email my friend jaimee sent to my other friend Ryan about this years christmas show lol....

Dear Mr Spowart,

Please be advised that her royal highness, Karyn, has done me the huge honour, of accepting to be MY date, at this years xmas party.

This is further proof of your loser status.

I plan to wine & dine her, and if she plays her cards right, she may even get an embossed 2010 dairy.

Sincerely, Ms Ireland

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