Well after feeling completely miserable yesterday about the weight loss am feeling somewhat better today. Had a appointment with my PT trainer this morning and when the alarm went off at 7.15am I so didnt want to get out of bed. Anyway i begrudgingly went...in the rain...buses going past all completely full..only just made it in time...anyway i then whinged to my trainer (lol she must think im such a delight) but anyway same thing i whinged about last week...i am fluctuating between 145 and 147 kilos. i told her i dont think its enough calories for me and she agreed that it may not be, and for me to discuss it with jenna my dietician tomorrow. She also said to me yanno you committed on paper to the gym so why dont u committ to me and jenna for 3 months and then if things arent working we will relook at it? So ive told her i will..hopefully jenna says that yeh i should try the 1500 calorie diet as well to see if it makes a difference.

So my date with M is set for 2pm on saturday afternoon, just meeting for coffee at one of my fave haunts in north adelaide - fellinis. So friday I have a appointment for my hair to be done, i will also pop on and get my eyebrows waxed as well and we will see how it all goes. We have been talking quite a bit online this week and we get on real well she has a wicked sense of humour...so no matter what im sure ill gain a friend.

Not a lot else going on...just gotta work today and tomorrow nite and then 10 days off - thank gawd !!! Off i go..

Well thanks for everyones comments and emails. Don't worry Im not giving up...foodwise I didnt have a great weekend with food...wasnt terrible but could have been better. I think once i get of working evening i will be a lot better. SO just 4 more days and then things will be much better. I worked till 11pm last nite and start work at 1pm today. Tonite Ill hopefully be in bed by 11pm and so can get to the gym before work. In regards to yesterdays post what I have decided is to eat more protein. I really do believe 1200 calories is not enough for someone of my weight. Im not gonna cut back anymore on my carbs as I have already reduced them heaps...when I lost my 26 kilos I was eating a lot more pasta and also white pasta/bread...now im eating good carbs...and they do recommend 5 carb servings a day which is what I am having...but i mite not have the carb in my morning snack and either add that to breakfast i have it with my dinner...so dont worry not giving up or anything like that....derailed for a few days....but todays a new day lol. Im also not gonna weigh myself till June 1...Im gonna ask jenna not to tell me my weight either,,,,will try this tactic and see how i go.

Gawd just started bucketing down...hope it stops within the next hour or so..not looking forward to going and catching the bus in the rain. Not too much else going on...have a good day all ! =]

Well im having a dilema. So ive been following fernwoods eating plan...its 1200 calories a day. Now i did it last year and seemed to lose weight. Doing it this time i dont seem to be,,,instead i am having fluctuations of up to 2 kilos. Now I remember my body when doing curves i only lost 700 grams in a 8 week period and the minute i stopped going to curves i went back to losing weight again. I cant get past it the scales are messing with my mind. Yesterday I was off track had a chocolate bar and about 7 hot chips. Now im wondering if the fernwood plan is too restrictive for my weight. If i was doing ww id be on 26 points...im gonna put a typical plan of food on the fernwood plan here in a minute and id be interested in feedback ive done a addup in my head and think its only around 20-22 points. So im wondering if i should try a few weeks on the ww plan...still attend the fernwood dietician and use that as my weigh ins but follow ww, i checked online and if i calculated right the BMR to stay at this weight is 3000 calories...i mean otherwise surely at this weight i should be losing? I understand maybe not losing big amounts but putting on weight doesnt make sense to me and its doing in my head...my only other thought is to go to the doctors and see what they think...okies heres a average day plan

Breakfast:
slice of multigrain bread
banana
glass of milk or yoghurt

Snack:
slice of multigrain bread with small amount of peanut butter

Lunch

2 slices of multigrain bread
30 grams of ham
salad
banana

Snack:
yoghurt

Dinner
1/3 cup uncooked pasta
60 grams of meat
vegetables

Okies would love some feedback ! The other thing is its pretty tight not much i can change and theres no allowance for treats...even like this fortnight working nites i cant have frozen dinners which would have made life so much easier !

Do I have news????

hmmmmmmm do i have news? do i? huh huh??? lemme think and ponder this a moment .... oh wait i think i do have some...now what the hell is it? Oh wait maybe its the fact i have a bit of a blinde date lined up for next weekend ! Well not really blind...ive seen her photo,,,shes seen mine...and so she asked me this morning if we can meet up...shes from the pink sofa and we have talked a lil for a few weeks..then last nite we talked for quite a while and discoverred we have a lot in common (we both like really bad music like the carpenters lol) so she then asked me if i would go out and meet her for a coffee and then when i said yes in the chat room goes "i got a date !" LOL was quite funny cos theres another chick in there from sydney still in her 20's whose been trying to chat me up and i kept telling her ... one your too young and two your too far away and she was there when this all happened...she said you must be good M cos kazz is a hard nut to crack lol. So i wont talk about it too much but i know if i wasnt back at the gym and eating healthy i just wouldnt have the confidence to do this. The bonus is she lives in the suburb next to me...and is 2 years older...so all quite good.

So she initially wanted to meet for coffee tomorrow morning but that was a bit too soon for me lol...so friday i will get my hair roots done...get it all blow dried nice and my eye brows waxed and mite go buy a new top too and we will see what the weekend holds ;)

Weight wise...the scales went up and i was pissed and yesterday over ate a lil (just on bread) but i kinda think it is working so will just persevere and not weigh myself for a few weeks. Okies off to do some work !

Well another early morning...the alarm went off way tooo early again...got up tho jumped on the scales and they had gone up ANOTHER 400 grams ffs i was a grizzlie lil bitch. Anyway i got dressed took my gym bag thought ill weigh in but no exercise today. But alas i walked in and there was my trainer on the front desk ... she knew i was weighing and said "gonna work out too?" i said i think so...and well the look said it all LOL so i went and saw my slim coach jenna...the scales had gone up...but she wasnt concerned. She was really impressed with my eating and i told her how teri got me now to up the grade on the treadmill and she seemed to think that was all good...she said dont focus on the scales focus on the fact your eating healthy and being active. Which made me feel a lot better. Truth be known my jeans are a lil looser around my hips and my skin is looking better so its all good. So i then went and got on that treadmill...had the speed at 4 and grading at 5 i was getting a good heart rate...then in the last 10 minutes...i leaned forward (didnt lean on the arm rests tho) was doing shorter steps on the balls of me feet...similar to a jog...dunno if id call it a jog but my heart rate sure as hell went up...it went up to 85% i couldnt do it constantly but i was doing it for a full minute. So when i go on saturday im gonna do 5 minutes walking 1 minute "the kazz jog" and continue that cycle for 30 minutes...i also wanna be there when the boxing class is on im gonna have a perv and try and see if i mite be able to handle the boxing class...so we will see.

This afternoon ended up at mums working on her computer....had to remove her piece of chit nortons and install firefox...all working good now.

ohhhhhhhhh and i have to say a big thank you to jaxx. Theres a lil blog award going round at the moment...you give the award to someone whose blog you enjoy. And mine was one that jaxx gave it to...so thank you jaxx !!!



And i am gonna give the award to Nats Journal I also read her journal...not only is she a inspiration especially when it comes to fitness shes a friend who supports me...which im so grateful for :)

Also...airlie...when you are in adelaide next email me or leave me a message..would love to meet up :)

Have a good nite all !

so tired..........

im so tired today...worked till 9.30pm last nite..came home...stuffed around for a whiel...went to bed then the alarm went off at 6.50am *ugh* i really had to drag myself out of bed. But i did .... went to the gym did 15 minutes on the cycle...the PT session...where i literally dragged ass...i mean when we did the stepper it was higher...and instead of holding for 5 seconds while doing squats i was holding for 15 seconds. I said to teri that i feel really tired and she said i seemed tired too...said it could be cos i hadnt done a PT session in the morning before. I then did 15 minutes on the treadmill. I discussed it with teri and shes suggested i increase the grade on it...as i was going up to a speed of 5.5 but i was only barely getting into the 60% range for my heart rate...i lowered the speed to 4 and increased the grade to 4 and my heart rate was getting much higher...so we set the plan for this week:

thrusday - cardio
friday - walk
saturday - weights and cardio
sunday - day off
monday - cardio
tuesday - cardio
wednesday - PT

so thats the plan...next step is whether i can stick to it LOL

Had a bit of a grumble today too...cos i jumped on the scales and they had gone up 400 grams. grrrrrrrrrrr i said to my trainer...whenever i exercise it goes up a day or two later...she said its not muscle cos my body is still transitioning...and said she can tell im thinking the exercising is making me gain...and i said yeh but i am still motivated its not changing anything...so anyway she said to wait until i see jenna tomorrow and then discuss it with jenna...so we will wait and see.

Not a lot else going on...have tomorrow and friday off...and seeing we worked the last 6 out of 7 days...really looking forward to it...okies off i go have a good day all =]

Another 900 grams bites the dust...

woo hoo weighed in... lost another 900 grams...taking me down to 144.7 kilos...which puts the grand total back at 26.2 kilos lost....so getting there again. And so 4.8 kilos by May 31...so if I average around 900 grams per week I will make it.

Had trouble getting to sleep last nite (bad nite at work) and was very sleepy this morning and really contemplating not going to the gym...but got my act together and headed off to the gym...did 20 minutes on the treadmill...10 minutes at a speed of 5 and 10 minutes at a speed of 5.5 then did 10 minutes on the bike...first time Id been on that for monthssssssssss ... interesting thing is my heart rate gets up higher on that then the treadmill...and then 5 minutes on the rower at level 9 (that bloody well killed me !) I then headed off to subway for one of their fit meals...had a chicken and salad ( no cheese !) 6 incher. The one thing im struggling with at the moment is working these evenings and having to prepare meals that i can bring to work...tonite i was slack and just picked up half a ceaser salad wrap..tomorrow i have a PT session at 8.30am then i will come home and whip up a chicken stirfry to take to work tomorrow nite. So all is going good. Will be glad tho for after next week when off these damn evening shifts - okies nearly time for some work - ciao all !!!!

Well helloooooooooooooooooo...another good day...foodwise. At work they were giving us all free muesli bars...without even thinking i nearly went and grabbed one...then stopped myself and thought nope "processed sugar" and didnt take one. The one thing I have been kinda bad with is hot chocolates...Im not usually a hot drinker but i have really got a taste for them and get a couple each week at work...they are made with just skim milk and cocoa so I dont think its really bad but Im not really sure if its ok too...so will run that pass Jenna on thursday. Didnt exercise today whoch is bad...but will do the 180 steps tonight and will actually increase to 200 steps. Tomorrow morning off to the gym, and wednesday morning a PT session.

I have decided with my weighing in i will weigh in on my scales each tuesday morning as my "official" weigh in...they are practically exact on with the gym scales but as I go to my slim session at any time of day it will add some regularity and i think that will help. So look out for a way in tomorrow.

Ive decided to cut back on the internet too lol...i usually use 3 chat programs...1 is the pink sofa...i rarely go in to chat...mostly log in to see if any chick has messaged me and to check out whats going on locally, one i log in to play gammon and the other is just habit forming. So the last one I have decided its well and truly time to ditch it...its really a waste of time...and not doing anything to get to my goals...the gammon one well its a good hobby to distract me from food and pink sofa well i think that good for me for "getting my life back" so tonite the other one i plan on deleting from my computer.

The 2 days I ahve got off this week coming off I need to go thru my clothes have told a friend of mine she can have the clothes i have grown out of. Some of them are really lovely...lots of katies clothes but she mite as well put them to good use.

Also my mobile number is changing...got on a new staff plan and meant a new number and i find out in a few days time if i am getting a new phone too...hopefully...its a nokia 6500 so has a music player attached and is so slim and cute !

Well sneaked a peek at the scales and they are moving in the right direction and I think I can confidently say I will have a loss this week...may not be big...but I am sure it will be a loss...I dont have my next slim session till thursday but I am sure I am gonna be a step closer to that mini goal of being under 140 kilos by the 31st of may. I am feeling really good...I am eating soooooooooooooo well...I dont think I have ever eaten this well...even with ww I have still treated myself...and I should treat myself just not with food. And I am feeling really good about that...this week the only treat has been 2 hot chocolates and 1 chocolate freddo frog...so I really feel great about that...it feels like I am getting the balance right. I am also starting to realise that the food is what will lose the weight but the gym will SCULPT it, and before I got sick exercising was killing me. I remember at the gym one day only doing 2 on the treadmill...this week I did 5 on the treadmill. So far this week I have exercised...tuesday, wednesday and friday and am going tomorrow morning thats 4 times for the week babii !!! Who woulda thought it...and every workout I been sweating my lil butt off. Ive even started to think about doing the odd class...was thinking body balance and maybe even boxing ... theres a saturday morning boxing class that goes for 30 minutes..so we will see. I didnt exercise today so tonite I pulled out the stepper and did 180 step ups while holding 1 kilo weights in each hand doing some basic movements. Not a big workout but every lil bit helps.

I am feeling better too...not so tired...going to sleep at night and eager to wake up for my new day...so right now the big focus is my friend tracys 40th. Some people going I have seen recently...some not for quite a few years and some well over 10 years..and so for some I will be the biggest they have seen me...but I am determined no matter what to look good. I wanna be in the 130's and I wanna look good...so thats the immediate focus.

Okies off to watch some tv - enjoy all =]

Afternoon all...saturday afternoon/evening at work - lucky me eh? lol

Im really impressed with how good I am being food wise...today for lunch I have a salad made up of diced tomato, diced red and green capsicum, diced salad onion, snow pea sprouts with sliced boiled egg and 2 slices of multigrain bread. Ive also got another piece of toast for one snack and also a banana and a diet yoghurt ! Dinner tonight is 2 chicken shaslicks and 1/3 cup cooked rice and salad...damn getting good eh? The scales had gone up when I went back to the gym (grrr thats frustrating) they went back up to 147.6 but this mornign they were back down to 146.8 so hopefully by thursday I will be under 145.6. I am really impressed with myself...the scales going up could be so tempting to say "f*** this" but I am so not even looking for a easy way out...I finally realise I gotta do the hard yards and I have maannaged to get thru this lil slump so feel really good about myself.

The blisters seem a lil better today. Tomorrow I am planning to go buy some good sports socks as I discoverred wearing cotton ones help you gain blisters (I so thought cotton ones were good for u kinda like cotton knickers LOL) I am also planning to go looking for the new biggest loser dvd...there is a beginners cardio low impact work out...so I figure that will be good for days I dont get to the gym...as I really wanna work out 5 out of 7 days as a minimum and getting to the gym isnt ALWAYS feasible.

Had a VERY strange dream last nite...I got this letter from Ang saying she was in australia at a army base (what the...???) and so I scurried off looking for a flight on the qantas website...even tho the letter didnt say what army base she was at LOL...very very strange...as I havent really thought about her off late...strangeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Well okie dokie...off to do some work

Damn blisters...

well jumped on the damn scales for a peak today and they have gone up about a kilo. Quite annoying when Ive been eating so good...and I am not sure if the gym could impact me so quickly as to cause a gain. But regardless we are trudging on as its more about a helthy lifestyle then numbers on the scales ;)

got up early and went to the gym today. On the way stopped and picked up some bandaids. Now Im starting to think that chemists dont know freaking anything....she told me which bandaids to get and i didnt think anything about it...popped them on and did 35 minutes on the treadmill at level 5 with a .5 grade (fastest speed ive done to date) so got thru it altho my soles were burning and I was starting to feel my blister...so took of my shoes...went to take off the band aid and it took half the skin of my blister with it !!! damn it...so its open and a bit red and raw...so I wont go to the gym over the weekend ... and rest it ... I will do 200 steps morning and night on my stepper.

Apart from that not a hell of a whole lot going on working tonight and tomorrow nite 1-9pm...then wo0t sunday off ... mite have to go out and buy myself some good socks to help with the blister issue :)

Well woke yesterday and I was aching...especially my upper thighs...but my intention was still to exercise but instead of going to the gym I decided to go out for a walk instead...so off we went ...walked 20 minutes down prospect road...came to a bus stop and by this point i was puffing and sweating sat down for 5 minutes...then headed down towards churchill road. A super duper rich tree lined street (one house had its own tennis court !) and i was there thinking oh this is a lovely walk...then i turned around and had to walk back UP the hill...holy crap...puffing and panting and by the time i got back to the bus stop i just knew i had a blister and still had another 20 damn minutes to walk home, so another 5 minute rest...and then home. So I did walk for a hour broken up into 3 x 20 minute segments. By the time last night came not only was the blister hurting (still is the damn thing) but my thighs were killinggggggggg me and still were today. Went to sneak a peek at the scales and the damn things have gone up :( but im not gonna stress cos this is about getting healthy and will just keep things up.

So im not going to the gym today, tonight ill go grocery shopping and stock up on band aids and chit so i can wear my gym shoes tomorrow and get in the gym.

Well off to get ready for work...have a good day all =]

2 kilos babiiiiiiiii !!!

woooo hoooo my goal was to be under 147.6 when I weighed in today (the weight I was a month ago) but I kicked that lil goal in the ass and lost 2 kilos and am now at 145.6...so a total of 25.3 kilos. My aim for next week is to be under 145 kilos.

Anyways so how did my trip to the gym go??? welllllllllllllllllll good once me and the treadmill machine rebonded and i stopped slipping and practically falling on my face ! my gawd its only walking for gawds sake but I seemed to have trouble with it hehe but I ended up doing 15 minutes mostly at level 4 (I was doing under 4 previously) so woot woot for me. Then had my PT session which was so damn hard...I was coughing quite a bit and sweating like you wouldnt believe but at the end my trainer said I did really good...said i pushed thru and i was doing the same weights as previously and some exercises the weights were higher....so that was all really good...planning to go in tomorrow as well and do 30 minutes on the treadmill.

I then went and saw my slim coach and her deduction was - Im not eating enough ! who woulda thunk it?? Basically just need to eat as I had this week but with a dairy in my afternoon snack and a fruit with my breakfast. Then as she was going thru my tracker and discussing things...i thought ok lets broach the "vegetable" subject so shes aware...so dunno if ive mentioned this before on my journal...im not a vegetable eater...especailly peas, coked carrots, corn, beans, pumpkin...cant stand the smell of them and a lot of those vegetables "pop in your mouth" lol should looked at me like i had suddenly sprouted 2 heads...luckily i am use to people looking at me like that when i say this. But then she composed herself...flipped over the paper made up 4 colums titled red, green, orange and white and we came up with a list to fit into each column. She also wants me to go to the central markets this week and wander around and buy TWO vegetables ive never tried ! (tania - do you know what days its open?) Then she told me her and my trainer wanna come and do a grocery shop with me...to show me the foods they think i should buy and reading the labels etc etc for all my time on ww i can type the kilojoues and fat into my points calculator but the rest on the labels is goobbliegook to me so I said a definite yes so will prolly do that in a few weeks time when I am on holidays - hows that for service? Ive never had someone do that for me before and ive seen it done on different weight shows so i think its a great thing.

Okies off to watch friends then cook dinner - have a good nite all !

Okies so that picture aint the best but its taken me foreverrrrrrrrrrrrrrr to even find that ! So wat is it? Or who is it ? Its jenny of course..okies its the dress Id love to wear...Jenny from L word wears it in the opening...its the beautiful flowing thing...now I dont REALLY to ever expect to have the upper arms to carry it off...but a girl can dream right??? Anyway its a visual goal...and my current weight goal is to be under 130 by september 30...so the pressure is on now ! thats 17.7 kilos to lose in 25 weeks...completely doable...but didnt want to set some ridiculous goal...so...that works out to 700 grams per week with me commencing it from last week. Guess what kiddos??? I can freaking do it too la la la la

So psycholigist to be nat asked on her journal today who "your" (meaning me LOL) support team is and do u acknowledge it? So i will answer...

My sister...my sister is always there...either emailing me to say well done on a loss (which hasnt been recent) or wanting to know what Ive meant by a post or telling me not to give up. When she comes to adelaide for one of her jaunts in the year they always wanna eat takeaway...cos takeaway is practically unheard of in streaky bay and she has often said...no we not getting kazz some...im not gonna help her to break this.

Joe and Ryan...Okies these two are the biggest pains in my ass at times but they only want whats best for me. If i got to the cafeteria at work and by something bad you are guaranteed to hear joe say "princesssssssssssssssssss" and i know uh uh...hes often asking me whats for lunch and telling me healthy ways to prepare different meals...and ryan well hes just there on the sidelines cheering me on.

Everyone who regularly posts on my site...and thats nat, tania, jaxx and airlie...i may not say it often but the comments really do mean the world for me and I often check in between posts for comments.

Jody...omg another person whose a severe pain in my freaking ass...shes a yank from new mexico...we have "known" each other online for liek 7 1/2 years...shes often on a health jaunt too and often tells me how well im doing...how proud she is of me...and asking me how ive been going.

Girls of the ww forum...they are a great group...very supportive..and that whole forum has been like a tenderhook that I hung on to even when not doing good...

Teri my trainer...so far only a few sessions but so far shes been supportive and she herself asked me "whose in my support team" a few weeks ago...

But yanno biggest support is myself...my goals, my dreams cos while I can lean on people and learn off them..I have to rely on myself

Okies off i go to cook dinner before settling down to biggest loser...take care all

Well good lawd the blonde brain cells musta been working overtime yesterday cos I COMPLETELY forgot to wish my blog happy birthday ! 2 gawd damn years !! can you believe it??? Actually I remembered when I got home from work last night but when I realised i was too busy watching episodes of L word...omg hot hot hot !!!

Anyways...sneaked a peak at the scales this morning...and going in the right direction altho will wait till tuesday arvo for the "official" result...nat on the ww forum wont know wtf is going on with me giving a actual weigh in figure LOL its been so freaking long ... but rest assured just cos im weighing in does not mean the world is coming to an end or anything crazy like that.

I soooooooooo freaking wanted to get to the gym today...ffs...but I am still coughing...its nearly 3 weeks now and i am SO over this...it has improved a lil with the puffer...and i am using steam and bettadine but still have this irritation in my throat thats making me cough - anyone got any other ideas i can try to get rid of it???

For dinner tonite i have a recipt of lamb chops and cherry tomatos all done rather nicely...im not a huge meat eater but im suppose to be only having one carb serve at night and 3 protein serves...so im sure this will do - hell maybe Ill even enjoy it. Haven't been to load up on the fresh fruit and vegies yet but will this afternoon.

Okies not a whole lot else to say...except hip hip hooray to my lil bloggie ! =]

wo0ot its friday....I dont think Ive wanted a weekend to come so badly for such a long time...and its not reason except to rest my throat....my coughing is always worse at work. So I work today and then have saturday, sunday, tuesday and wednesday off...so in the next 5 days i only work 1 day so it really gives it a good chance to rest.

Went out after work last nite...I ended up having a hot chocolate and a serve bruschetta. I SOOOOOOOOO miss drinking my soft drinks...but unfortunately cold drinks and drinks with bubbles make me cough non stop.

Tomorrow I am going to the gym tho...nothing too hectic just gonna try and do 30 minutes on the treadmill.

I was gonna go pick up some groceries this morning but was so sleepy...I had a bizarre dream last nite...dreamt i had a gf....we woke up and she goes check my hair....and i discover her hair is falling out...and the next thing we are at out "engagement" party and its my bday as well and my mum is there but doesnt give me a present or say happy bday hahahah was quite bizarre.

Well cos I didnt get my arse out of bed early enuff I have to make do with whats in the house....so natural yoghurt and muesli for breakfast..and salad sandwich will need to be bought for lunch.

Okies off to make breakfast then get ready for work

Well went to the dietician this morning. She asked how I have been going - told her i have been sick and prolly put on what I had lost so she went thru the plan with me but didnt weigh me or anything. We are going out for drinks after work tonight (will be just orange juice for me) and then when i get home I will plan my meals for the next week. I am going back on tuesday and then I will be weighed and measured. So my goal for this week is to simply be under 147.6 when i weigh in on tuesday.

I have been reading a AWESOME journal...it spans over 7 years and is in the link list over on the right...its called dietgirl and hilarious to read and i so relate to her...she hasnt the best luck in love while fat and that i can SO relate too and she wasnt always successful...she had a 6 month period where she put on 10 kilos after losing 50 kilos...i put on 10 kilos after losing 34 kilos...so it gave me a bit of a "i can do this too' feeling. She also planned to go overseas...so 2 years after she started she went to live in the ul on a working holiday...and whilst I dont plan to do that I would like late next year to go on a trip to new york...always wanted to go there...all that culture, shopping...would be awesome ! I am aiming for a mini award of a trip to melbourne for later this year.

Not much else going on...the cough was quite bad last nite but is quite good today...so fingrs crossed it keeps improving !

Well rang the gym this morning. Was trying to get a earlier time for my slim coach appointment (no luck there !) but anyway my personal trainer answered the phone...anyway she said to me even if im still coughing etc on tuesday come in...and we will do a light session just to get me back into things so that was good. But I am hopeful to be back on saturday anyways. Halfway thru the working week..then I have saturday & sunday off...work monday and have tuesday and wednesday off...so a nice break !

My house is completely disorganised at the moment...nearly 3 weeks of being sick a lot of stuff just hasnt been done so saturday afternoon am planning to get stuck into all of that. I am expecting a gain when I weigh in tomorrow not only has sick made me incredibly lazy (altho i have been eating more fruit) I have also been sucking on soothers like its been going out off fashion and having hot drinks which i dont normally touch to help calm my throat. But I will take whatever weight it is tomorrow and then get on with things. I was reading a journal linked to nats site yesterday (i think) who goes to fernwood with a PT trainer and the slim coach and i read she lost 14 kilos in 10 weeks...wow would be awesome to be simply under 140 in 10 weeks. I am convinced once I get in the gym routine and I am "living it" then the weight will simply start to melt off...all my previous attempts in the last 6 months havent combined everything...and after losing 25 kilos I think exercise is vital, at least for me.

Not a lot else going on...altho next wednesday I am catching up for breakfast with some friends I went to school with..2 i caught up with last week and that all went well but theres another 4 invited this time...1 i havent seen for about 20 years and the other 3 i havent seen for about 5 years...so a bit daunting...but i am sure it will all go fine.

I am contemplating going to streaky bay early next month...my main concern is being sick so recently and the airconditioning on those damn buses is like a breeding ground for virus's..i often get sick after a trip on them and am worried going on them soon when my immune system is prolly not at its best but i SOOOOOOOOOOO wanna spend some time with the kids...so i am ummming and ahhhing over all that at the moment. If I dont go its a good chance for getting to the gym everyday and a real focus on "me" so decisions...decisions...

Okies off I go and do some work la la la la la... =]

Okay I am seriously over this cough...that said...it does appear better today and people at work said im "quieter" today...so hopefully the puffer is helping. I would love to go back to the gym on saturday...I am surprising myself by how much I am wanting to get back into it. And I think thats partly thanks to the reading of late I have been doing...including journals which has really helped get my head into the right place. I am really starting to realise my meals shouldnt be what i "like" but what I "need". I think I am getting much more into that zone of understanding food is fuel and not a treat. We are having some warmer days here again...27-30 degrees which is nice...makes me want to go sit outside in the sunshine and read...shame I have to sit in a office and work LOL

But yanno what? I feel happy ! I really feel within myself i am getting back into the zone...my cough feels a lil better...the suns out...its a good day and I ahve the excitement of knowing I will be back at the gym soon enough !

Now on to the Leaders of Tomorrow program I was offered to apply for...I have decided not to apply for it...for 2 reasons. One if I went into it I would be doing a certificate in business management...so as well as working I would be studying on a part time basis...that combined with needing to get to the gym and full time work...I just feel would be too much on my plate...and bottom line my health MUST come first. Also the amount of sick leave you have taken I am sure would be taken into account (as you are not allowed to take annual leave for the 15 months the program runs) and as I just had 10 days off...I think it would reflect badly...SO i decided the next 12 months I am going to focus on my healthy lifestyle...by getting healthy it makes sense my sick leave will reduce and then next year I will apply for it. Its not that I am not applying for it cos I think I am too big or anything but more about prioritising and as I said in yesterdays post my weight loss and healthy lving MUST be a priority...but its all good...Im excited for my future

Okies off to work I go =]

Well finally went back to the docs this morning. Turns out the cough mixture the chemist RECOMMENDED was making me cough more. So the doc has me on a puffer now and a cough suppresent so hopefully with luck the cough will start to really subside now. Am off today....work the next 5 days then I have 4 out of 5 days off...wooo hoooo. It will be good to give my voice a real good rest then. Even if I am not well off to do a work out this week I am going to see the slim coach on thursday to get my eating back on track. Have been doing some various reading today and feel like I am really getting my head back in "the zone" i KNOW i can do this weight loss and succeed...I have done it before...and I need to stop letting my insecurities from not succeeding...but im not on weight loss journey im on a "to be healthy" journey. When I go in on thursday its the first proper slimplicity session so they will measure me as well....so i will make sure i grab those numbers as well and add them to my journal.

I have series 4 of L word to watch this afternoon wooo hooo !! Great way to spend a sunday afternoon lol

I must say its a nice feeling getting into the right head space...and will be even better once I start to make some solid process...okies ... off to watch L word *winks*

PS airlie and jaxx can you add a comment so I can grab your url as I lost them both in the template update - thanks !

Well getting a bit better everyday. Every night i am coming home and going straight into my bedroom...and getting into bed with the heater on...keeps me at a nice stable temperature and I watch tv or play on the computer...its not active but my priority right now is simply to get back to 100%. I am aiming to go back to the gym on wednesday...dont know if I will be ready by then but with luck I will be.

Being sick really makes you reflect...when your too tired to cook meals and do basic stuff you realise how much I take feeling good for granted and then 90% of the last 6 months I have been slowly eroding my health by eating crap food and not exercising - and why do I do that? For one...its cos its "easy" its easier to sit in front of the tv...its easier to pick up take away...its just plain old EASY...going on a weight loss journey is gawd damn hard work...i have too plan, prepare, make the effort to go to the gym, work on myself to go for the good food items and also on my head (prolly the hardest part of it all) when i was losing the weight before....every week i waited for the week where it got unachievable and i failed and gained...and so instead of that i simply gave up. Ive always been like this...i remember when i was about 11 or 12 i was going in this esstedford for ballet...was going to enter as a solo...my mum stayed up all nite sewing this cute lil white tutu...anyway it was easier to not go then to risk "failing" so i didnt go. So i think this is a big part that I need to push thru...fact of the matter is I need to stop waiting for the failure and simply work on the winning of the weight loss journey. Im really getting focussed and ready to committ..i so do not want to get sick again like this ... im determined to try and make my body as strong as possible. I think if i get my weight loss under control my life could be happy. I am slowly getting back in touch with my friends from school...2 i met for breakfast last friday and on the 16th i am catching up with both of them...plus a few more have been invited...these are people who I was great friends with in my late teens/early 20's we were a big group of friends...pretty innocent...but always having fun. My friend laura was saying to me the other day just think about those times we use to have...now we are all worried about bills, work, family stresses etc instead of allowing ourselves to simply let go and have fun when we catch up, and shes so right...so thats another thing...working on enjoying life more...work i enjoy...my single lifestyle i mostly enjoy...so my weight loss is now my number one focus...its my PRIORITY and the only thing that can come before it is work...but as I said right now...getting over this flu is number one...so off i go for a dose of benadryl before settling down to watch biggest loser...have a good weekend all =]

Well today is the first day I finally feel like I am improving. Was suppose to go out to dinner last night with tania and while i was sorry to miss catching up...i basically came home from work and went stright to bed and spent the evening watching tv in bed and watching a episode of L word with my heater on and keeping nice and warm and I do feel better today for it. I am still coughing a lot but it has improved a lil.

My jeans are feeling looser...I havent weighed myself but suspect I ahve dropped down a lil. I didnt really expect to be losing as I have simply been eating as I feel like it lately (and admittedly have missed numerous meals) and have been sucking on lots of soothers for the last week so my sugar levels are definitely up. I am hoping very soon I can get back to the gym...would be nice to get back next week but not sure if the cough would be gone by then or not (fingers crossed) i am really getting itchy to get back into everything ... getting sick like this again has convinced me more then ever even if i never lose another I need to stick to this healthy lifestyle for my actual health...cant handle another dose of this flu and am even considering getting a flu shot (and anyone who knows how i am about needles knows what a big deal that is LOL)

So second day back at work today and its soooooooooo nice being back...and getting that normality coming back into everything. Tonite I will grocery shop and get some lemonade,,,,i have been craving lemonade lately...luckily if its not cold it doesnt make me cough but pepsi and coke send me off into crazy fits of coughing.

Anyways thats about it...off to do some more work :)