Well day one of my week off and I must admit I have been completely lazy. Woke up to rain bucketing down thinking what a great day to have off. Ive then pretty much not done a lot LOL...watched tv...played on the puter...and not a hell of a lot else ! Last nite at work a email popped in my inbox to say i had won a "spot" award it was for team work and for the work i been doing with one of the guys in my team to help him increase his calls per hour. so it was 2500 wishlist points...which means i have enuff for a $100 voucher...so think ill save that for when i get to 10 kilos lost since rejoining ww.

Did you notice the star team link on my journal? Its a challenge to focus on your goals for 12 weeks...click on the link and check it out...so ive registered for that...also on the link ive added the girl who is running it her jounral which is full of core point food...check it out too...im gonna have to try the pineapple rings...theyd be nice as a treat with some icecream

Ive been good again today...im hopeful of a small loss...so dont expect miracles when i post my loss tomorrow but fingers crossd I reach at least reach 100 grams.

Well yay, being real careful with the sodium seems to be working, i was around the same weight as i was last week today when i weighed in this morning. I have tracked my food for today including dinner and still have 8 points left ! My team leader just told me she has bought popcorn and her popcorn machine in...so glad ive got points left plus i will prolly have a crumpet when i get home...should still leave me a point or two over.

I feel much better about the whole weight loss thing for a few days there i was thinking here we go its just like at the gym again...but thankfully that doesnt seem to be the case.

Had a bit of a funny episode this morning...im asleep...wake up to a woman moaning LOL the guy next door musta picked up a filly last nite and was getting some action lol and well obviously my walls arent as sound proof as i thought ! So mental note...IF i ever meet someone i will need to set up a bed in the other room. lol so interesting start to the day. Then i get up and after lucnh get ready for work...i get on the bus...have my mp3 player in my ear playing...get on the bus n theres this goth chick with a million face piercing with a radio just playing it...not with earphones attached just playing it on the damn bus ! Was so loud i could hear it over my mp3 player which was on full LOL

Well its 2.36pm i work till 10pm then wooo hooo a week off. Cannot wait altho of course tomorrow morning ill be busy ringing around sorting out the bank drama.

Ok off i go...if i dont post tomorrow ill be back on tuesday with my weigh in results =]

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Up at 6.15am this morning which is too bloody early in my opinion. Tomorrow Im not starting work till 9am so yep i get a bit of a sleep in...at least till 7.30am. Was going to go grocery shopping last nite but my pay wasnt in my account before i left work to go hom...walked in the door and the money was in my account...but by that point i was in a warm house and didnt desire to go out again. So I finish work at 4pm today and will then head out and do some.

All else is going good...just desperate for a nice sleep in. After reading Airlies post I think i will set the ww scales as my reward for losing 5 kilos...they are $100 but i think theyd be worth spending the money on.

2 days after today till Im on leave YAY...one WHOLE week off...and yesterday my friend laura messaged me so i am catching up with her and tracy on thursday for morning tea...so will monday, tuesday and wednesday i will have to save a couple of points each day so i can get a nice hot chocolate and some raisin toast.

Okies gotta get to do some actual work...have a good day all =]

Well another day ontrack. This morning i checked the scales and they were about 100 grams up but i got a sneaky suspicion its from the sodium in the weight watchers potato bakes...will have to check the ingredient list on them tonight. I am not eating them often...but its still good to know why the fluctuation (altho not obsessing lol)

Last night my suburb had a power outage...getting a bit over them to be honest...its the 5th one ive had since i moved into the premises in january major pain in the ass...specially when it happens at dinner time.

Im starting to seriously think about getting the ww kitchen scales...theyre expensive but thered be no cheating with my portions and would be a long term investment. Someone on the ww forum mentioned they had struggled then got them and realised how wrong their portion sizes were and since then have lost regularly.

My sister and the kids might be coming down to adelaide in september for the royal show...so have put in for some leave then so fingers crossed i get that. i also have a week off next week. The maintenance guys are suppose to be coming to do some retiling and fix the toilet...but i still havent heard from either...if i dont hear anything by tomorrow afternoon ill have to call the land agent back again

Not a lot else going on....shopping nite tonite...another 3 days and im on leave YaY...have a good day all

Well another good day so far...Yesterday I ended up with saving 3 points...which is pretty damn good since it was on my day off and i tend to pick on days off. Today I am going to try and eat spot on with my points...I dont really wanna save too many cos it doesnt really help the cause that much unless I am saving the points for a specific reason. I am definitely noticing the side effects from the metaformin...so diet coke can no longer be drank (thank gawd for pepsi). So far its only the diet coke that seems to be affecting me ... so that I can handle.

Everything else is going good...I feel pretty happy and relaxed about everything. Quite a relief with getting a loss yesterday and now its down to business for this week again...but i have no worries there.

Okies off to do some work =]

2.9 kilos babeeeeeeeeeee....

yep thats right !!! I really wasnt expecting that big a loss...I figured it would be around 1.5 kilos altho I was hoping to reach 2 kilos. So I am very very happy...I feel a sense of relief that yes I can lose weight...Im not too old this can be done. (for those yanks out there thats 6.38 pounds. The other exciting news is that the best weight watchers leader in SA (in my damn honest opinion) took the meeting today...shes great...shes my older leader very very motivating...i wish she took our meeting all the time.

Well I had been thinking yay me...no side effects from the metaformin...but im starting to get the side effects...but i know they will only last a few weeks. But I think the meds are helping I dont think i am having high and low sugar levels which is the idea of them.

Not a lot else has gone on today...Im djing tonite...and I think i mite even do my biggest loser beginners exercise dvd in a minute....have a good day all =]

Love days off...mmmm

Well today I am off and tomorrow and I am having a lovely relaxing day ! I have a load of laundry on....dishes are done and Ive tidied up. So now I am relaxing. Just watched dr phil and oprah is just starting now. Its been very nice, played in a couple of gammon tourneys....food wise..another spot on day so far...still have 13 1/2 points left and i have already had lunch.

Was reading the latest slimming & health magazine last nite and i noticed something interesting...all the makeovers stories....on their new menu plans....everyone of them was eating protein shakes. 2 of the ladies went to the same personal trainer so dunno if that was why....but was interested ....

Yesterday i had my bi-monthly one on one session and my team leader put on the report "karyn needs to make sure she looks after herself maximise her attendance" eek ! Wasnt said badly or anything but it certainly puts another light on the fact i HAVE to do this.

The new top i bought a few weeks ago I wore yesterday is a lil looser around my tummy...its not huge on me but certainly is a lil looser which is a good sign. I was reading something the other day that said when changing ur life so make one change every 3 weeks...so all ive done this week is focus on points...not on exercise...not on water...not on anything else...and thats gonna be the focus for another two weeks and then i am going to start to include a LIL exercise.

Okies off to watch oprah...enjoy all !

Don't quit...keep playing...

Saw this on the net today...thought it was cute and apt

"Don't quit . . keep playing."
The concert was about to begin, the mother returned to her seat and discovered her child was missing. Suddenly, the curtains parted and spotlights focused on the Steinway on stage. To her horror, the mother saw her little boy sitting at the keyboard, innocently picking out 'Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star.' At that moment, the great piano master made his entrance, moved to the piano, & whispered in the boy's ear, 'Don't quit.... keep playing.' Then, leaning over, he reached down with his left hand and began filling in a bass part. Soon his right arm reached around to the other side of the child, and he added a running obbligato. Together, the old master and the young novice transformed what could have been a frightening situation into a wonderfully creative experience. The audience was so mesmerized that they couldn't recall what else the great master played. So the next time you want to give up
Remember..."Don't quit . . keep playing."

Off to sleep...ni ni all

Well sunday morning 8.37am and i am at work. But it is our "friday" so its all good. Come 4pm i then have two days off. I havent had two days off together for about 3 weeks so am really looking forward to the time off.

Had another weirdo dream last night...dreamt i was pregnant (think we would call that the immaculate conception lol) anyway i was huge big big tummy didnt know when i was due so i asked a friend when i was due and she was like in 3 months...and then i had to move house while pregnant and i was moving on august 11 but i realised i didnt have any baby stuff so i rang my mum to buy me a nappy bucket, cot and pram at garage sales and mum said i cant ill be at streaky bay till sunday so wont be going to garage sales LOL - i did want it was a weird dream.

Last nite i was bored so went to bed at friggin 8.30pm...so i went to my bedroom with a magazine...switched the tv on...but it didnt come on...so i thought oh shit its dead (not that its a big drama i bought it from a garage sale and its worked for about 5 years at least lol) anyway so i read for a bit...then rolled over to fall asleep...and just falling asleep when the tv turned itself on and football came raring out...scared the crap out of me !

Tomorrow on my day off im planning to go thru my recipe books to figure out some recipes to make over the next few weeks. I am also planning to make some low fat muffins. So looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow morning...but ill prolly wake at some ungodly hour - blah.

Foodwise was spot on with 27 points again yesterday...so another good day. Sneaked a peak at the scales and i will definitely have a loss...so thats good news...not a huge loss...but still a loss.

Oh and remember the jeans that were bruising my stomach they were so tight? Well at work i was leaving them unbuttoned....now theyre still tight but yesterday they stayed buttoned up the entire day YAY

okies off i go...enjoy all

So since my big longggggggggggggggg post a few days ago i been thinking. I kept wondering why i still go into voodoo and chat...partly i do it cos occassionally i enjoy it. Was in their lastnight but was quite good was talking to someone ive known for many years whose from South Africa and we were discussing lesbian movies/books...anywaysssssssssssssss so after i left that post....I was really wondering why i still go in there...sure a percentage of it comes down to purely it is a habit but why else? And the only thing i can come too is i do it in case Ang messages me....can you even believe that could be the case? I mean its 4 friggin years or whatever...but then the more i think about it the more it makes sense. See me and Ang were friends for like 6 years before we got together...it truly was a great friendship...she had this great wisdom with people...i use to always tell her she was like a old soul in a young body...she had a real good understanding of how people think and so for that reason i often talked to her about problems or things going on...after we broke up a year or so later we lost the friendship and we have no contact at all anymore. I amde a few attempts but they were pretty futile...and so that does make me sad but maybe thats why i do it? Its not really the relationship i miss with her but the friendship. And I wonder if the impact with her rolls over to my life now...its very funny how my life is different post ang to pre ang...before Ang i had a numerous emotional relationships with people i met online...i enjoyed the company...the indepth chats we would have. Since then not only havent i got involved online (but that said its not only cos of this i want someone in real) but even when it comes to real...im the fussiest bitch as well...i am attracted to butch girls...my friend felicity doesnt even contemplate introducing me to anyone unless they are butch...and then the girls over the last few years that have been potential in real...well 90% have been to short...or they been from the wrong socio economic group or ... or.... or.... so is that me not settling for the first person who comes along or is that me just coming up with excuses not to get involved...which of course gets rid of the risk of being hurt or rejection...or is it i want a ANG NUMBER 2? and if they dont remind me of her im not interested? The reason I posted this today...was it had been on my mind...then i read Jaxxs journal this morning and she made a post that is along the lines altho different...and that was about self esteem and so reading that made me realise we allcop this in some way (well single girls i guess lol) then again...theres the aspect...if i stay fat...have the perfect excuse for never having another relationship...in someways i wonder if i just dunt want to severe those ties to ang even tho there are NO ties to her anymore...when i think back to the relationship i often think it was perfect....and in a lot of ways it was...especially when she was here...but the last few months it definitely wasnt...and there were quite obviously issues we both had...i need to let go...and if i meet someone or someone messages me in pink sofa actually give them a chance before deciding nope would never work. Beofre i decide theyre to slim, too pretty, too short, dont work enuff etc etc etc

Foodwise i been spot on...was exactly 27 points yesterday which was great. Ive really beeen finding it all fine. Im taking the view of avoiding rabbit food and eating foods i like but in a low fat way. Tonight I am going to make a low fat fried rice. Ive also bought lots of different low point snacks so i am getting plenty of variety which is good. Well okies nearly lunch time - time to go eat =]

Well...half the team is off work today or gone home early...they all seem to have some kind of virus which is giving them dizzy spells and nausea and several have been off work for a week with it...fingers crossed i dont get it. 2 More went home today with it.

Food wise been really good...its after lunch and i have a 11.5 points left...am having a ww meal for dinner tonite...and a muesli bar this afternoon and that will leave me with just a few points...so can have a couple of cookies tonite after dinner.

I did jump on my scales this morning and they seem to be heading in the right direction altho i dont know how reliable they are so will have to wait and see. Anyway not much else to write 3.5 hours of work then off home and having a early nite tonite - take care all

Well wasnt gonna post today but wanted to check a couple of journals i read each day and one in particular inspired. Jaxx i find you so inspiring and the way you reset your goals...its amazing to think we were a similar weight and now look at where you are !

Anyway today was my day off...1 day off in 9...UGH...so i didnt do a lot. I havent had 2 days off together for several weeks and i really feel like i need a couple of days together off. I have monday and tuesday off...and cannot wait. I have had a good day food wise...very impressed since it was a day off and that tends to be my bad times....but i was spot on 27 points....and yesterday had 1;5 points left over so that is good. I had a home made baked potato for dinner and tuna bake for dinner...all yum yum. I am trying to avoid having just salad sandwiches every day for lunch....instead my plan is to eat foods i like but in a low fat way.

My DVDs arrived today...so i now have lots of viewing...i got 3 series of L word, if these walls could talk 1 & 2 and season 1 of the ellen sitcom. So think my days off may involve some dvd watching along with house work LOL

Im still undecided about pink sofa...i prolly should just renew it for a year.

Okies its late time for some sleep...nite all

Well I went back ! And really am glad ..it was all quite painless (apart from stepping on the scales) and its all been relatively easy just sliding back into it today. The first few days are normally hard for me but todays been quite a breeze to be honest. I have 1.5 points left over for the day and think I will save them. yay me =]

I did ramble on a lot yesterday didnt i? Once I get going I can type forever and a day. Thanks for your support as always nat - and jody thanks for your comments...theyre too damn nice tho !!! LOL...just kidding...and omg imagine if we lived near each how cool would that be? and yep we would definitely laugh the pounds off.

There is not a lot else to say...just glad i had a good day today...and looking forward to another good day tomorrow !

Reclaiming my life

So...who am i? As most who read my journal or know me...im a thinker...when i was with ang would drive her nuts and She often told me I overthink things. But today and the last few days i really been wondering about a few things. You see in some ways I am all these different people...with family im actually relatively reserved...my mum remarried when i was in my teens and so that of course involves a step family...to me theyre not "my family" to me always my family will be my mum, my dad and my 2 sisters. My memories of my childhood dont revolve around the family life once mum met her now hubby. They are all "sydney" where i lived from 7 till i was nearly 15. That is the true definition of family to me...of course now...i have a brother in law who completely is family and 2 adorable nephews and a gorgeous niece. I adore the 3 of them, its interesting tho...boys are so different to girls, the boys are not so wanting cuddles etc they are all into their dvds and computer games where as my niece LOVES attention. She loves cuddles, and sitting on your lap or next to you reading a book...she also loves telling you to be quiet if you dare talk while dora is on LOL. Anyway i got sidetracked...when my mum met my stepdad i was 15 had just started at a new school...and within a year or so met a great bunch of friends. I never really embraced family life with the stepfamily...cos for one i was 15 by then...getting independant...then i met this group of friends and they were like a second family. We were all quite innocent...no drugs really (well the occassional person smoked marijuana but never me and i never viewed that as evil) about the most dangerous thing we ever did was go meet sailors down at port adelaide (and yes i did go down with them and even snagged myself a sailor one time but thats a story for another day LOL) so anyway cos of this i never knew the "stepfamily" really well so i am reserved in that sense. I hid that i was gay for so long that in some ways i was another person to them...and that still applies to a degree ... my mum doesnt like hearing about girls etc...so in some ways theres this huge segment of my life she knows nothing about. At work im another person...who am i? Prolly the place i am the truest...i have 2 great friends there....Joe and Ryan...(who i call josephine and deidre) they are both gay...and cos we are all gay we just have complete acceptance of each other. Our friends in the team all accept the fact were gay too ... my friend jamie (a female) will often say when a break is coming up "lesbian chat today?" so we head off outside and do a bit of girl talk...occassionally we drag one or two of the boys along. At work im sassy, smart mouth, sarcastic, happy, jokester...im just a real happy say what i think person. I think sometimes they wish I just shut up at work...but its outlet specially as i live alone...i get there and sometimes its just blah blah blah. Then there is online...which there are various places i venture online...theres the ww forum...which i guess is a place where my vulnerabilities are laid...my profile shows my weight...theres been numerous posts over the years...about not losing...about airplane seats not fitting...about how miserable my life is as a "fat girl"...i know one or two people there but im not in the "clique" and thats fine...while ive met some great people there...its not really my thing...then there are 3 chat programs...firstly theres halsoft...which is where i play gammon...i have a group of friends on there whove always known im a lesbian...ive got a great friend kel there whose a aussie...who i call my lovah gurl...shes into graphics too and likes lame music like me and thats what our friendship is based on. Ive known her for years...and we might not talk for months then we do and its all back to how it was...halsoft to me is not a addiction...its fun...gammon keeps me away from the fridge...i get to dj thru there...all is pretty good. Then there is voodoo..."gawd at voodoo !!!" this place is a addiction and to be honest i dont really understand why...there are some people in there ive known for 8-10 years...one dear friend (yes you jody i know ur reading this) who if the world of voodoo was cut off shes the only one i would NEED to keep in touch with...and well she barely chats...and most of our contact is via msn or via email. So i go in there...and chat in this room...well actually as has been mentioned to me several times this week...i dont chat so much...i seem to observe...its a strange room with a real motley lot...theres some real nice people in it...then there are some guys who like assertaining that they are females and refer to themselves as shemales...theres guys pretending to be bi/lesbian women...and occassionally theres someone genuine...so why do i go there? in some ways i dont friggin know...i mean i live by myself...so its company...its in this program i met my big love (which ended rather dismally i must admit LOL)...a lot of the time my "avatar" is in the room but im in my browser...reading ww forums, doing graphics, reading news.com.au or reading blogs...so why go in there? I know part of it is cos i live alone and it is company...another part is when i do manage to get close to someone in there i enjoy the companionship and emotional closeness...but its like anything online it has that level of bitchiness and drama...what do I REALLY get out of it? I end up wasting a lot of time...getting the odd level of drama...occassionally a bit of ego boost when other chats might message me and say they like me etc...but it does nothing to REALLY enhance my real life. The other chat program is pink sofa...i wish i could integrate myself more in here...yanno ive met a couple of girls from there in real life...and those occassions didnt go great...while i have made some friends in there...im not part of the clique...and maybe also the fact that its a lil more threatening n daunting...the girls im msot likely to meet are here in adelaide or neighbouring states...n i guess thats daunting and scary cos i always look at their profiles and think nuh theyre too skinny it wouldnt work out or theyre too pretty it wouldnt work...i really dont take any chances. My susscription for pink sofa is up...today it expired actually ... part of me thinks...go buy a year subscription...and focus 110% for 12 months on getting the life i want...reclaiming it back......im going back to ww tomorrow morning but its not just about weight loss...its about getting me back...sure i can be happy as a fat chick...but am i truly happy and am i reaching my full potential of happiness? If i compare being in a wonderful relationship with a woman...where life is good and i ahve a social life with dinner dates and movies etc or being fat, sluggish, too tired to do anything to productive...sticking stuck in a cyber world with my KFC deep down i know which will make me happier...it wont be the easier option but it is the option i need to dedicate myself too...i think i need to get rid of those chat programs...rejoin pink sofa...update my profile and go in the chat room and the social functions and get my eating and healthy lifestyle COMPLETELY on track...i know i can do it...and tomorrow is day 1 of reclaiming my life...

Well gawd I swear I did a post yesterday but its nowhere to be seen and not even as a draft so the poltergeists musta stolen it...lets hope this one goes thru.

Its 8.19am on a sunday morning and I am at work,,,ot so bad,....i finish at 4.30pm today and then dont work till 2pm tomorrow which wooo hooo means a sleep in. Altho Ill prolly wake with the birds LOL As I am working tomorrow evening I cant go to ww till tuesday morning...but that kinda works better...its the same leader but the group is smaller...the monday night meeting here is SO busy .. its horrid LOL

Went to target the other day and they had series, 1,2 and 3 of L word !! OMG was so excited...and they were on special...reduced form $69.99 to $46.99 so I grabbed all 3. I also bought on ebay if these walls could talk 1 & 2, and series one of the ellen sitcom so over the next few weeks or so ill get a few deliveries. I also bought the book "butch stone blues" and when i bought it i also bought my niece a couple of books ... anyone remember "a duck named ping" im so excited to give her that book. I also bought the beginners biggest loser workout dvd which is suppose to below impact so that should help me out too as i get refocused

Was asked to goout with some girls from pink sofa friday nite...to see the band redhead and then to the ed but i gotta be at work at 8am on saturday morning so need to skip it =[

I feel good today...i feel "free" ive had some worries the past few weeks...firstly i was stressed over the inspection and then thursday i had a run in with someone at work...but spoke to my manager about it yesterday (other person spoke to me completely inappropriately) and i feel much better now. so feels like a real weight has lifted off me.

Tongiht or tomorrow morning i am gonna make up some pita bread pizzas to freeze

Oh I got my puter settings right too so i am doing my graphics again which is great...such a good creative outlet

Okies off i go to start my work day - enjoy all :)

So its pay day today...not really...pay dya "officially" is friday for us...but mines normally in my bank account by about 3.30pm on thursday. Today is a special payday tho as its our BONUS pay packet...nice big one ! I hope its in by 5pm as i would like to go do the grocery shopping after work tonite...but ive got a sneaky suspicion it may not be thru till about 1am. Whilst getting the place organised for the inspection realised there are some things i need ... so tomorrow gonna buy toilet mats for both toilets...bath mat...door mats for the back and front door...a BLOODY electric blanket as im very cold at night and of course...most likely the WII. I was perusing ebay last nite and they have series one and series four of ellens sitcom tv show on there so mite purchase them and i also wanna buy the book "butch stone blues".

Ive also been looking at some digital scrapbooking sites...im kinda good with computer graphics programs and they look rather kewl...only thing is when i do fonts on my computer with vista they come out blurry even tho all my settings are correct...mite sit down and play around with the fonts tomorrow at some point and see if i can work it out...that or maybe i need to upgrade my graphics program. Im using psp 7 LOL which has been around a trillion years....so maybe i should bite the bullet and get psp 10. ooo well just got a email that the book i want which has been sitting in the shopping cart at this book site for a week or so if i purchase today will get $10.00 off it so think theres the incentive to buy it !

I think with this cooler weather too i mite pull out the ole cross stitch. Im getting kinda blah about sitting in front of a computer and wanting to do other things lately...so going back to ww on monday i will be cooking more...but mum gave me a while ago a gorgeous cross stitch of these teddy bear....so think i mite pull it out and get started on it...i have so many hanging hooks in my place would be a nice one to do...would also like to do a kitchen type one for in the kitchen too...mite have to go on to ebay to check that out lol...okies off i go people (i am suppose to be at work after all !) LOL

Well the inspection is over ! YaY she was very impressed....wrote me a note (when i wasnt looking) that said the unit looks fantastic and she said as she was leaving everything is perfect. She admired my photos of my nephews lol...and now a few things will get fixed...the bottom floor toilets has a leak so they will fix that and they are also gonna reseal the tiling in the upstairs bedroom...and they are also gonna send out a guy to do a maintenance on the a/c. I swear to god u turn the a/c on and it sounds like a airplane is taking off...so thats all good ! YaY

Okies this is bad...remember i said my size 26 jeans are skin tight? Well...i looked in the mirror today ( not something i do often) and i noticed all across my stomach i have yellow bruising....now when i say the jeans are skin tight...around my waist they really are (to the point at work i undo the button - eep !) so yes something has to change...last night when i came home...there was a promo from ww in my letter box..to join and get a free book...so done deal (not that i was debating...but now a additional incentive for that first meeting)

Im really over the ww forums...i dont even wanna go to them anymore seeing the religious content thats been there lately...maybe its me....but...its not what i wanna see there. Anyway i wont get on my soapbox...less said the better i think

Enjoy ue day all

wow posting 2 days in a row =] Working today and earning double time and a half...gotta love public holidays...and its been relatively quiet which is nice. I finish at 4.30pm then gotta head home and do some more cleaning...just gonna do a clean of the kitchen...mop the floors and the clean the oven...as well as dust the lounge room and vacumm it...that will have the bottom floor all ready for the inspection. Then tomorrow night...clean the bedroom...and the bathroom and vac and THEN only thing left is to sweep under the carport and the lil backyard courtyard...easy peasy...all done.

Im rethinking the wii...im still planning to get it but maybe not straight away...i really need a new sofa...mine i got second hand...its all grubby and ive had it 5 years now so really thinking its outlived its "secondhandness" i also wanna buy a pantry cupboard for the kitchen....and i figured i can always put the wii on layby...im so worried it would be fun for a week and then id lose interest and they are so damn expensive...so will wait and see.

Had a ww meal for lunch today...so slowly starting to make some good choices....altho next monday night is D nite. Whilst i plan to committ 110% to ww from next monday i dunno if i will get all back into the forums. I still visit daily...but theyve turned very dramatique and whilst im sure they will die down...i cant imagine its that helpful to me...i dont often post on the going under 150 thread as a lot of the chit chat is about kids and of course i have none. I popped into the going under 80's thread and whilst i dont "belong" there they seemed more in tune with me as i didnt see much "kid chat" nothing wrong with kid chat of course...but not something i can really relate too.

Okies off i go for some work...

Superstrange dream last nite...i dreamt i was out "somwhere" i was wearing shorts...and my legs were not shaved LOL anyway this chick threw boiling water over the back of one of my legs...and i was left with this huge red mark which then started to scar and scab...then me and whoever i was with were sitting on these outdoor chairs and this woman comes by...she was gorgeous...black hair...vamp looking and she was saying she is the matrix and she drives people home and i was saying oi yay im gettin her to drive me home

OMG so weirdddddddddddddddd does anyone decipher dreams??? wouldnt mind knowing what that crazy ramble all meant.

Tomorrow is a holiday here...im working....double time and a half - go me ! then the monday after im off to join ww....i so need to get back...right now im hating how ive let things go...not only have i been sick twice in two months....i feel heavy...its becoming a effort to lug me around...my clothes are too tight...my jeans are even too tight directly above my knees...ive got rashes...i generally feel crap and remember WHY i joined ww in the first place. This weekend i started eating better...altho not thinking about points...just eating foods with vitamins etc in them. Tonight i am plannng to have a nice bowl of spaghetti bolognaise.

The inspection of my unit is wednesday and everythings pretty organised just gotta do a few last things and clean my bedroom (which ill do tonight while watching big brother...will prolly take me all of 10 minutes LOL) Im glad tho everything is organised thats really helpful with ww if u ask me...and since i moved in this is prolly the first time things been organised.

I think i need to put a R rating on my journal....someone on the ww commented they went to someones journal and it was obscene...thought mmmmm thats gotta be mine ! lol os if u r of a frail mind...dont read it...im tired of corrupting people lol

Okies off i go...have a good weekend all

Okay before i write anything i gotta thank all for the posts that were left and emails i recieved following my last post. As I told you jody u gawd damn made me cry...altho u were pretty spot on...

well damn im sick. All my sinus's are blocked and my head feels like its going to explode. Anyway so i go to the doc...its a doc i aint seen before and he zeros in on the fact i have PCOS...starts asking me if ive ever had kids...or wanted kids....anyway...in a very tactful way he starts telling me first that i need to get back on to metaformin and that by not taking it im increasing my chance of getting diabetes. Then he says "your BMI needs attending too" --- thats a nice way of saying u need to lose weight LOL. Anyway it was a fairly intense discussion with even lap band surgery bein bought up....he has told me i have to give ww a real go...i need to committ a full 12 months of exercising and following ww and taking metaformin, and if after that if i have not lost weight i need to seriously consider the surgery. Ive never been a fan of the surgery...but what he said made sense....he didnt sit there and go...oh lets do it tomorrow...his big emphasis was on the metaformin but its made me realise this really isnt a choice...and as the doc said for me its not even about looking good anymore,,,it is truly about adding years to my life.

So monday week i will be back at weight watchers. (this coming week is a holiday here) and i am determined to focus on it 110% i also need to reclaim my life and get that life i want

The party saturday was really good. Was great seeing everyone altho i was a bit stunned by how aged one or two looked, makes me realise im not aging too bad at all. Anyway the group of us did have a photo taken and i will post it once i get a copy of it. Oh and had my hair done ! Looks so different is a very dark brown...a caramel colour with just the odd strand of goldish colour...looks very different and taking a bit to get use to. Its also layered a lot more but i really like it.

Back to work friday hopefully this damn sinus will be gone then ! okies off i go need some more sleep....