o0o news !

Well TOM finally arrived and hit me quite badly. Im a lot better today but yesterday was in a lot of pain. I suspect now I have kinda "woken" up my system with eating all this unprocessed foods. I went to the docs and he was like well it may be a once off...but i researched it a bit last nite...i will try blackmores PMT which is suppose to help with PMT.

Okies on to good news ! I applied for a job this afternoon and have already had a phone call for a phone interview. I couldnt talk when they rang (I was at work) so will call them back in the morning. So thats all rather exciting. I would presume possibly next week I will have a interview. So saturday its a hair and colour appointment and a eye brow wax and also need to buy some nice pants and shoes. Im very excited. The more I think about it the more I think its time to move on from my current job. Its been a great job...but combined with the public transport system out here which has deteriated and the fact I am bored and want a new challenge I think its time...and to be honest this sounds like a great job, as well as close to home and around the corner from the gym which sounds perfect.

Okies thats all for today !

Still waiting...

Well TOM was due on the 15th and today is the 27th and still it hasnt friggin showed. Very weird...ive gone back to unprocessed food and TOM has started to remind me of when i was in my 20's (and this isnt a good thing!) The last 3 days ive had cramps, altho today i have none...and when i was measured nearly two weeks ago my bust had increased which my dietician put down to being premenstrual. I tell u if i was a str8 chick doing the hokey pokey with a guy i would be chitting myself that im pregnant right now. The scales have also gone up two kilos so i wish it would bloody hurry up and show !

I have a whole one day off this weekend...altho 3 days off next weekend =] tonite after work we are going to the local pub for a quick drink or two before going home. Tonite i am planning to make tacos...and then tonite...i am going to tidy and sort out my lounge room so i can start to do exercise dvds in it on the days i doing go to the gym. Tomorrow i mite gym it in the morning and in the afternoon i want to tidy up both the upstairs bedrooms and clean the bathroom, and do washing etc ... this is the problem with only one day off...not enough time to relax AND get the necessary chores done.

As i am writing this i am starting to get cramps again LOL lawd would be nice to just get them so i can get rid of this fluid retention.

Not a lot else going on...have a good saturday all

Catch Up

It seems like i havent posted for like a week but in reality it has only been a few days...and it feels like the last few days have been kinda full on.

So lets see...went to the dietician last nite...and weighed in i have "officially" lost 5.4 kilos and 0.8% body fat. Shes really happy with me and I am pretty darn impressed myself !

I emailed yesterday fringe (the gay & lesbian festival held here each november. I was gonna volunteer last year but like most things avoided it, anyway emailed them yesterday and they want me to come to a volunteer induction session on october 12.

I came into work today and there was a internal job in the advertisements i would have liked to apply too...BUT i have no decent clothing for a job interview (we wear jeans n chit to work) so this payday i will go buy some nice pants and then next time a good job comes up in the city i will apply for it (would love to work in the city =])

I was also going to try and go and see a performance of "life is rhythm" was awaiting on a shift swap to see if i could start earlier on the day it is on, but so far no good news. =[

I am working saturday but it is grand final day so we should be very quiet, and after work i am going out for a quiet drink with some people from work as one of the guys is moving to a different team.

Not a lot else going on except i just ate pizza ! lol work gave us pizza for lunch for some work we have done...i told my dietician and well we worked 2 pieces into my plan....was all very yummi ! off i go !

I just booked my flight to melbourne la la la la la !

^^^^ the title says it all !

6 Weeks later...

Well ive partly made some decisions. After a few emails with nat (the exercise goddess) and a lil more research...i realise now this whole time the focus should have been on a healthy & fit life and not the scales. I have decided i am going to join the gym n i am leaning towards fernwood with using the online coach. I am just debating still between contour n fernwood. As I did pay out fernwood I have emailed them to see what they can offer me...contour is closer but is only a circuit...i tell u i am terrible at making decisions like this...on a 20 minute interval i change my mind between gyms lol...anyway we will wait n see how i feel tomorrow. Tomorrow I am off again and have the docs appointment....

SO that was a post from August 4...today is 6 weeks since i rejoined fernwood....so a rehash on whethere this was the right decision...

1. ive lost 5.3 kilos (11.66 pounds) in this time kinda kept that under my hat eh? lol)
2. ive lost 26 cms (10.2 inches) from my body
3. im getting fitter
4. My calves are no longer flabby and have some tone to them
5. My knees especially my left knee is getting less pain
6. im planning to go to the golden dance in a few weeks !
7. im happy within myself...im happy when i wake...and get on with my day
8. Only had 2 days off work sick...and that was ONLY at the docs insistent cos i was contagious (and as a side note work has noticed my sick leave has improved and is now giving me one paid sick day per month for 3 months and will then review it again =])
9. I eat hardly any processed foods
10. Ive finally learnt the numbers on the scales isnt the be all and end all...i get just as excited by realising my fitness levels have improved.

So i think...we can say now...returning to fernwood was the wisest decision for me...sure it costs me quite a bit...but for just my PT session and dietician session per week its all worth it....and seeing things slowly improve in lots of ways is a huge improvement to me....i think i am being weighed tomorrow nite and my body fat retested...and then next monday is my last week on my current program...week after my trainer will start me on a new progam.

And on that happy note...im off to watch some more of the old bevely hills 90210 that i bought on DVD...im so addicted LOL byessssssssssssssssss

Road rage

Well last ntie i witnessed my first episode of REAL road rage ! We were going home down main north road (main road here in adelaide) and this car with a group of kids was doing about 140km and swerving in n out between the cars n nearly hit us. Then we got to the lights and another car came up behind the hoon car (we were in the lane next to it) n this big guy gets out and goes around to the passengers window and with a piece of thick metal bashed on the passengers window...the second bash on it broke the window...then luckily the light turned green and the hoon car drove off. Me and ryan were in total shock...we sat there with our mouths open wide dead quiet...then about 5 minutes later i turn around to him and said...if that had been our car i wouldve fainted...and then we just started laughing...was a very bizarre thing. It was kinda like we were watching a movie and we were the viewers.

Woke late this morning...of course come wednesday morning when ive gotta be up early again ill suffer lol. Food wise been really good. Last nite when i got home in a pan i fried chicken peices and onion...added light evap milk with cornflour...then added chopped up spinich...fat free semi dried tomatos and a lil parmassen cheese. and served it over pasta....truly was to die for !

Okies its a workday for me 7 hours and 29 minutes till im off work and on my weekend...enjoy ur sunday all =]

Damn shifts

Well today was a lil bit of a struggle...the last few weeks i have been working 8am-4pm and have got into a nice pattern with my eating. Today i was working 11am-7pm...which meant lunch was at 2.45pm but cos ive been doing earlies i was awake at 7am....which meant...breakfast was at 7.30am...lunch 2.45pm and dinner at 8pm..so the day was completely stretched out and to say i was hungry in the hour or two before lunch is the understatement of the year. So a bit of a challenge. Tomorrow I am working noon to 8pm so got the problem tomorrow as well. So the plan is tonite to stay up to around midnight and then hopefully wont wake up till at least 8am...now i have decided to start walking in my area....i wanna test my feet out how they will handle walking around the streets...so when i wake ill grab a banana and go for a 20 minute walk...and when i get home ill have my slim drink....when i get to work at about 11.30am ill have my weetbix...then in my first break ill have a banana & a small handful of nuts and at 4pm my lunch...so that should work lol fingers crossed !

Yesterday we are standing around waiting to go into a meeting and my friend jaimee looks at me and says...i think u look smaller...i was like oh? see thats why i luv ya...lol....then today i was annoying ryan and she turned around to me and said...im sure of it...you do look smaller...and of course i was like oh thank you thank you ! She said my waist and hips look smaller so that was really good to hear ! And the other news is ive stuck to this plan for 5 weeks.....about 12 months since ive managed to stick at it for this long !

Not a lot else going on...about to go have a shower and watch 30 something...enjoy ur friday all !

Sore tummy muscles & other stuff...

Woke this morning and thought yippee im not sore....but as i moved around noticed i bloody hell was sore...my stomach and rib area was sore...so the class yesterday obviously woke up some muscles ! I then went and saw the dietician...and told her about the pizza escapade...she said next time go to a local pizza shop get marinara pizza on thin style with only a small amount of cheese and enjoy it...she noticed that i tend to go off track when i have had some boring meals so she said thats what i need to focus on not eating the same thing all the time so i get bored. Also shes changed my afernoon snack from a dairy and a banana to just a banana (i was finding it too much) and that way if im wanting low fat cheese or light evaporated milk in my dinner i can. I think i will also buy something "treatish" but low in points to have in the freezer in case a situation like that happens again (maybe lite fish fillets and oven fries)

She then did my measurements....my boobs have increased ! *puffs out my chest* but she said thats prolly due to being prementstrual...i lost in the last 2 weeks 5 centimetres taking the total in 5 weeks ive lost to 26 centimetres, Id like to improve on that at my next measurement....i didnt drink much water when i was off work for the week when 2 days were sick leave with gastro and also then the pizza drama so all up not that bad a result) Bottom line is i dont feel like im going backwards yet if i weighed i think i would have.

Oh and nat still considering the xmas show...havent forgotten the dare !

Okies these muscles need a hot shower...enjoy your nite all !

Oh and when i walked into my dieticians office she said - your glowing (i thought she meant sweating lol) then she said no your skin is glowing...and have to admit this healthy eating and drinking water is making my hair and skin soft and lovely!)

So what...

Luv luv luv this song...and her hair is to die for !

Getting my body in balance...

Woke this morning and was hmmmm should i go and do this body balance class like i planned? Maybe i should go to the swiss ball class instead? But in the end i got my ass into gear and went to the class...and i must say im very glad I did ! It was hard...and there were a positions I couldnt do...but i prolly managed 90% of the class...by the end of the class I had built up a sweat and was feeling it (prolly didnt help that my arms were sore from yesterdays PT session) The only thing was that my right wrist hurt a lil and yesterday my left wrist hurt too when holding the free weights while doing the stepups, so i really need to find some exercise to help strengthen them...anyone know any by any chance? Then after the class finished...i went on the treadmill - rawr ! I was planning to up the gradient...which i did to 5.5 and do 20 minutes....well i lasted 16 minutes and then was too buggered...but meant i worked out for over a hour so im impressed. So now im wondering if maybe i should just work on doing body balance once a week combined with the treadmill...or whether i should just bite the bullet and try body pump as well.

Went and played gammon online today...first time i have for prolly 4 months...i thought oh lawdie i will suck...but out of 4 tournaments i won 3 - rawr ! i kicked ass. Must admit i am pretty ruthless when i play gammon love kicking peoples counters of the board.

Tonite for dinner i am making beef in black bean sauce....are u jealous? If you arent u bloody well should be! ...okies off i go to make it...have a nice nite all =]

kazz hearts her gym !

Went to the gym today for a PT session and gawd it was just what i needed. Firstly i got there and went on the treadmill did 24 minutes...only thing is i am getting too fit ! yes me ! too fit ! okies maybe thats a exageration....but a few weeks ago a gradient of 4-5 would get my heart rate up as high as 150...today on 5 it barely hit 130 which is good news of course but it means i need to up things up. I then did my PT session and my trainer is really happy with how i am going...i am now doing 40 kilos on the LAT pull down machine...ive increased the weight by 10 kilos in under 4 weeks...and every one of the machines/exercises i do have increased every week since i started...she said im doing really good. I told her im thinking about doing classes and coming more often and she said thats normal to want to do more...so tomorrow i AM going to do body balance, was gonna go and do pilattes tonite but i have been to the gym already once a day and its really windy and wet here so must admit staying indoors sounds much better.

Have also decided to have something a lil different for dinner tonite...so gonna cook hawaiian chicken out of STGTBT...okies nearly 5pm time to get dinner started !

Still thinking...

So today and especially since I got home from work I have been thinking thinking thinking...i was reading on another journal yesterday that lesbians overthink and over analyse...and well yeh anyone who reads my journal prolly already knows i fit into that category...

So anyway at lunch today i was talking to my gay boi ryan...and i told him about the pizza escapade last nite...i was explaining to him that i came home from work last nite...after having worked all day...to face yet another damn stirfry...chit all on tv...no plans....and knowing i had to be up at 5.30am on a sunday morning to do it all again and thinking this is chit...so i wanted a treat...and just something nice for dinner...his response was...why dont u go and stay in a hotel overnight and pamper yourself like you talked about before? to which i think i mumbled non coherantly...

This is one of many of my problems...i am single...i am not friendless but as i am 40 years old most of my friends are married to a bloke with kids attached at the hip...i do see them...but only once a month or once every couple of months...if your single with not too many friends in the lesbian community (ok i have one real friend in the lesbian community...who kinda drifts in and out) add to that the chitty roster i do and the fact even if i make friends and can go out for a week or two in a row...when u then have 3 or 4 weekends when u cant go out cos ur working people then kinda forget about u...unless u have a real strong friendship which is hard to create when i am working so many weekends !so if u are single...u wanna go out...u wanna enjoy life seriously what do u do? obviously pink sofa and getting more involved there which can lead to outings is one thing...but do u simply grab ur bag and go out if u feel like doing that? Even if it means being a nigelina no friends and doing it by yourself?

With my overthinking i got thinking about this week also and why i struggled last nite...and one thing is...i havent been to the gym since wednesday....never when i am going regularly do i get tempted to eat what i shouldnt eat...im so damn focussed. So i think not going to the gym is damaging to me. As i said a few days ago i wanna start classes...the treadmill is starting to bore me...and i think the action of simply walking into the gym has a huge impact on me...i go to the loo and there as i sit doing my business and there are posters on the back of the door of girls who are the current "star of the month".... there is this calming aqua colour all over the place (fernwoods colours)...there are the girls who know me (not many of the staff dont know me !) often my personal trainer is there and also my dietician and ex dietician and they all are so friendly asking how im doing etc that it IS uplifting for me. So i think wherever possible a huge focus needs to be attending the gym 5 times per week. Obviously when i start early on a saturday or sunday for work i cant go those days but i simply just have to invest this time into me or i am going to end up fat forever. Even if 2 of those visits isnt doing cardio...if its doing pilattes...or body balance...or swiss ball...i need what i get from stepping thru those front doors.

I have now been doing this nearly 5 weeks...a triumph in itself...but time for the next step...tomorrow is a new week and time to really up it all...and im guessing prolly more pondering =]

A lesson learned...

Well came home from work last night...and I seriously wanted something that i dont view as healthy ... a treat...i have absolutely nothing in the house that could be deemed a treat (even to the point of not even a pepsi max as my dietician told me no more)...so what did i do? Well pizza came into it...lol...yes i know bad...but...its a lesson learnt...which is...95% of what the dietician tells me ill follow the other 5% ill use moderation and what i honestly think i can handle. Now admittedly this has happened twice in 5 weeks...which i dont think is that bad...especially as both times it happened a few days before TOM...and i am not concerned but just wanna put measures in place to avoid it happening again. So...what i have decided is at this point i wont cut out the pepsi max...im only having it once a day which was a huge drop from drinking it constantly and its a treat with my dinner. Also i am gonna keep on hand a couple of low point "treats" (prolly weight watchers pizza or light fish fillets that birds eye sells) this way when i am in one of the moods ill reach for something that will do lil damage. I have also decided that saying no going out etc doesnt work. I know from the past i can go out once a week...have a nice meal and still lose weight - not like im not doing everything else right for goodness sakes ! So in some senses i am going to try and loosen up a lil bit to try and avoid this situation happening again...i need to also remember this is lifestyle for life. I think also as i tend to when TOM is due i can get quite moody and i was thinking like...this is going to be forever till i feel happy with my weight which is quite a different thought to how i feel today and how i normally feel...i mean im buzzed at how well im doing at the gym...it was a lil setback but i will put things in place to avoid it happening again.

I am of course at work again...so rude on a sunday lil own having to be here at 7am. But on the flip side...as i started so early i finish work at 3pm and then i am off till wednesday. No great plans altho...tomorrow i have a PT session and then in the evening i am planning to go do pilattes...and tuesday at this stage i think i might go see a movie (weather is not suppose to be too nice so the walk along the torrens mite be out)

Okies...wish me a speedy sunday till 3pm ! lol have a good day all...im off for my weetbix =]

Why did i post this picture?

...cos Im in a bit of a shane mood...and cos i bloody well felt like it....enuff said...lol

So heres my question...if I want to be in a relationship...meet that snazzy person who knocks me off my feet why in the world when someone LOCAL messages me online and introduces themselves do i cut the conversation short? Im sitting here earlier reading a blog when a email pops in...check it out and its someone adding me to their facebook...i click on their name and see we have 2 mutual friends...grrlfest and my friend felicity...so i approve adding her as a friend....so she starts chatting to me...and what do i do? minute she says brb i close the facebook window down. Now im not really concerned but it does puzzle me why i do this...i was just saying in yesterdays post being single can be isolating...yet there we go smack bang someone approaches me....and i close out of it. Maybe i wanna wait till im happier with myself before going out and meeting more people...i dunno...and i know...you cant wait for stuff you gotta live your life today...perplexing...none the less

Was watching old episodes on L word last nite...and what really confuses me...is max...who is transgendering from female to male but is getting it on with a guy? Maybe i missed something (quite possible i am blonde in everyway except the hair colour!) but i thought she is lesbian? I asked ryan about it this morning...he had no freaking idea...fat lot of good my gay boi was !

Our christmas show is coming up soon...its being done as a james bond theme...i got asked yesterday am i going....my answer? nah thats not my scene...hmmm...okies so good food...music...dancing...friends is not my scene? wtf do i avoid chit like this....GOOD FOOD is not my scene???? okies you can smell that lie a mile away....a week ago im posting how ive been dancing around the house so obviously i have no issue with dancing...and i adore music...but we wont go there right now...and well...we of course like our friends...so why dont i wanna go? Apart from feeling like the fat one? Apart from the fact i havent figured out how to let go and just enjoy myself and worry the next day about whether i looked like a dork with my fat ass dancing lol Apart from the fact i will be wondering if everyones thinking why is the fat one here? Why do i feel i dont DESERVE to go out and enjoy myself...im fat not a murderer for goodness sake...ok will have to ponder this further.

Work was not too bad today....honestly i was dreading it...so often on saturdays we are busy as chit...but this afternoon we even had some wait time...and considering how busy and horrid its been the last few weeks it was more then welcome. Tomorrow i start at 7am again....yes 7am on a sunday i damn right rude ! but then come 3pm that week is done and dusted and i will finally get 2 days off...absolute blissful cannot wait.

oooooooooooooooooo and my new...i mean first sports bra arrived ! I had to buy it online at ezibuy cos apparantly if ur bigger then a size 18 or D cup...u wouldnt exercise so they dont sell them in the regular stores...luckily i managed to get one online. And then this week i am gonna go get fitted properly for some gym shoes...omg i will then have all the proper equipment for this gym thing lol i wont know myself.

Okies and on that note...its time to go cook some beef stirfry,...enjoy ur weekend all

CHANGES

Welp it is time for some changes. Weight loss wise and healthy lifestyle wise things are going great. So slowly gonna take some new steps...one is not isolating myself so much...the other is the blog is going to change a lil. I constantly don't talk about "lesbian" topics...i avoid the topic a lot...so as not to offend anyone but thats going to change. I dont wanna be one dimensional and be only about weight loss...so theres the warning...less focus solely on weight loss and more focus on me and my lift as a whole. Also early next week i will be updating the journal...it needs a new more individual look ! I also need to start doing more...Being single and having been single for quite a while is quite isolating. And even tho i may wanna go out and do things i dont want to go to them if im going alone...but i think thats gonna change...tuesday i am going to go down the torrens river...gonna go for a walk along it take something for a snack...my mp3player and a book...and have a lil laze in the sunshine (presuming its a nice day !) also wanna start using my camera more and taking photos more. So look forward to some changes !

*yawns* 6.10am and i was at work today gawddddddddddddddddddd ryan keeps turning up earlier and earlier to pick me up lol. It is friday today but I am working this week (yes 2 more 7am starts) so hurry up 3pm sunday cos then im off work till 8am on wednesday. Monday night i am planning to go in a try the pilattes class...if that all goes well I will start to do body pump. Ultimately what id like to do per week is 2 x body punp classes, 1 body combat class + 1 body balance + 1 pilattes class per week...of course its all dependant of my roster but yep that would be the "dream" schedule.

Felicity left a message on my facebook about the new S4 girls nights that have started. I cant go this week but the next few weekends I am off or start late so maybe i can manage to get to one of the nights. Im still on pink sofa but to be honest i havent been utilising it much so its hard to justify in my head renewing the membership so when it expires ill leave it for a few months...plus while i love girls right at the moment the focus is very much on me and getting healthy.

Was feeling bit blah last night after work... so a lil after 7pm i headed off to bed and seem to have knocked it on the head as even tho i do have a slight headache at the moment im much better then last nite (was very hot and my thorat while not sore felt swollen) of course having to get up for a 7am start i slept shocking. Whenever I go back to a 7am start I end up waking up regularly thru the night my guess is im subconsciously worried about sleeping past my alarm and being late for work (and what a crime that would be LOL)

Not a lot else to say..have a good friday all =]

Went to the dietician today...I walked in and said I dont think I should eat my miscellaneous item anymore (I am allowed one miscellaneous item per day like one anzac biscuit) anyway explained i find them and popcord too moreish and i can eat them till the cows come home. We talked and decided a couple of things...one is to cut out the diet coke and pepsi max...and the other is after dinner each nite instead of the popcorn or biscuits i am to have a glass of low joule cordial and a small handful of nuts and seeds. So did that today and that seemed to work.Next is cut out the diet softdrink...so expect me to be quite grumbly over the next few days LOL. Back to work tomorrow...normally tha wouldnt bother me...but it does at the moment...partly cos of the unbelievable childish bitching that goes on within our team....also cos this new product i really have no farking idea what im doing .... which is a feeling i hate...but hopefully that wll improve with time. With that I am off for a early nite...gonna tuck myself in bed...watch the so you think you can dance finals..ni ni all

Well 5 days between posts that would normally mean I am off track eh? Not so...lifes just been busy. Ive had gastro the last 2 days and thursday and friday i caught up with my sis and her family and wednesday night went out for a chinese banquet (very yummi to say the least!) After the measurement success i was feeling really motivated then friday i had a PT session. During the PT session i do steps up 12 on each leg while holding 5 kilo weights in each hand. Normally by about the secind step im puffing...but friday wasnt till the end of the first set on my first foot did i start to get puffed ! This felt awesome...i could completely feel a improvement. Now where as i use to hate that exercise i am now starting to enjoy it. I have the next 3 days off tomorrow i am off to the gym for another PT session and tuesday i am planning to do a class (just havent worked out which) so things are going good (ok great!) and i think that is why its been 5 days between posting. I think before i was so insecure about this whole get healthy thing i was dependant on peoples comments and feedback where as now...i simply dont. The centimetres are reducing...i am feeling my fitness levels increase....my skin has improved...and ive been healthy (we apart from this gastro lol) so i will still be posting but maybe not as regularly. Okies off i go =]

wooooooooooo hoooooooooooooooooo!

Well gawd firstly this week has kicked my ass...this new product we are doing at work is completely doing my head in...so bit stressed and coming home from work im just wanting to veg out. But tonight...i went to the gym did 25 minutes on the bike...surprisingly i find the treadmill easier. Anyway then i went and saw eve and we did the measurements and i lost a total of 21 CENTIMETRES !!! (jody i think thats ummmm 8.27 inches)..so heres the breakdown:

bust - 4 cms
under bust - 5 cms
waist - 8 cms
hips - 2 cms
arms - 2 cms

So a great response ! I really didnt expect to lose more then about 3 cm on any body part and even dreamed about it the nite before last. My dietician also suggested i start to take some classes - eek ! She suggested the spin class (on the bike) but i dont think i can sit on those things for a full class hurts my ass too much ! I am thinking tho monday nite i MITE try a pilates class...id like to try but im nervous as chit...but one of the things my trainer wants me concentrating on is my balance (im kinda clumsy and lol that explains jodys comments on my past post ... and yes i do love ya too my favourite ho! lol) so anyways pilates or body balance is prolly a good way to go...anyway we will see...tomorrow i am working then tomorrow nite i have a team dinner at a chinese banquet ! okies off i go !