well aleisha won bb ! how funny i went back to ww last nite which finished at 8pm and i thought well ill miss the final of bb...but jeepers how long did it go???? Was funny show to watch tho i thought.

And yes i did rejoin !!! (and tania not that "other" leader either lol) and im really glad i did ... ive pointed everything up till dinner and will have 9 points left for dinner...and thats not counting the bonus points ill earn at the gym tonite either so thats good. When i went to bed i took the book 1 to bed and re read it even tho ive read it 50 times before thought it cant hurt and i must admit sitting in the meeting listening to people say "i lost 2 kilos" "i reached 10%" "i reach 20 kilos" was very very motivating. I am determined to have a good loss this week.

I was flicking thru foxtel the other nite and realised on W they were showing the series "the L word" on W from the beginning. Now those who dont know L word is a lesbian soap opera...i had heard rave reviews about it but never seen it...anyway so i recorded the first 3 episodes last sunday and i watched the first one last nite...and all i can say is OMG !!!! so damn hot! i can wait to watch the other episodes i have recorded...but as i am not going out this weekend mite save them for saturday nite...omg hot hot hot ! i can see this is a new addiction in the making lol (like i needed another lol)

Okies not much else going on...off to the gym tonite !

OMG soooooooooooo tired !!!! i had to be up at 6.45am and for some reason i couldnt fall asleep last nite....so ive slept maybe 4-5 hours...i will sleep so well tonite...and i dreamed zach won big brother. Apparantly aleisha is the favourite and i will be happy if she wins but id also like zach to win.

Good news ! I emailed the gym this morning and they wrote back and said they will downgrade my package and remove slimplicity from it...they were really nice...told me they were glad i spoke up so i feel very relieved. And tonite off to ww to rejoin. I will feel like a total newbie i guess even tho i weigh less now then my last weigh in with ww ! lol But i feel a real weight off my mind about fernwood and excited about getting back into it all properly.

Went out saturday night which was interesting lol...went out for dinner first to fellinis which i always love....then we went to the wheaty hotel where we listened to a band called "the bluehouse"...two lesbian chicks who are a duo and they were awesome...it was outside in this back room thing with old formica tables .... lol nothing flash but the band was really great and im really mad at myself now that i didnt buy their cd. They were very cool and very funny between songs.

By about 11.30pm id had enough tho and was ready to go home. Im getting old ive decided lol...midnight comes and i wanna be home....and to be honest im prolly not the biggest fan of the whole pubs deal...i would be happy enough just going out for dinner. And the whole issue of going out to meet people and maybe "the one" is actually starting to wear a bit thin with me.

but that said .... and how i mentioned i couldnt get to sleep last nite mostly cos i was thinking and soemtimes i really do over think chit. Anyway i was thinking how im a bit over the whole going out to meet someone chit...and then started to think about my sexuality....and how does my weight fit in with it all...and i started to remember when i was in my late teens...a lot of my friends started pairing off and i remember my friend tracys husband saying once "dont you miss the sex? dont you miss the being in a relationship" and when he asked me i was thinking simply in terms of male/female....and my answer was no...i had absolutely no desire to be in a relationship with a guy. Then i recall yanno going to family events...these arent my favourite experiences...dont get me wrong...i love my mum n sister...i absolutely ADORE my niece and nephews...but im part of a step family, and i dont "fit in" that well...im a bit of a black sheep...im the only one without a partner...im also the one who prolly rebels more then anyone else. I have very set ways in my head of how things should be done...and sometimes it doesnt occur the way i think it should. I remember going to family events etc when i was in my late teens/early 20's the question always coming up by certain members of the family "when you gonna find a guy and marry" "see if you had a boyfriend youd get nice presents too" now lol im not materialistic enuff to care about presents...and it was simply one of the most uncomfortable situations...i hated those type of questions being asked...cos while ive had crushes on grrls since i was very young...i knew "happily married to a male" wasnt for me but i hadnt quite figured my life or path out. yanno but food didnt care if i was single...or dateless or anything. Food was good and i felt good eating it...then as i put on weight those questions about marriage etc faded away to a degree...cos they had the answer mostly...cos i was fat i wasnt likely to end up in a relationship. And the more i think about it the more i think that had a lot to do with my weight. now of course im at a age where maybe i will have a serious relationship...maybe i wont...im not desperate for it or anything...it doesnt consume me or anything and im not willing to get in a relationship with just anyone..yes dammit i am a fussy bitch lol...if its meant to be it will be right?

Okies i truly need to do some work ! bye all !

Well yanno im a thinker...sometimes i think too much or overthink things but this time ive "thunk" just the right amount LOL. I have decided on monday i am going back to ww. The more i think about it the more i realise i need the points system with the accountability...and whilst i can count points at home...and go weigh in at the gym...im not exactly being honest with the slim girl am i? And my reasoning for going to do slim still was not wanting to hurt the slimplicity girls feelings...but thats actually not good enough...this needs to be about me and whats best for me. So tomorrow i am going to send a email to the manager of the gym...explain the situation and explain i still wanna have my personal training and go to the gym but i dont wanna do slimplicity and hopefully they will remove it...im also gonna explain i dont wanna feel intimidated about going to the gym....and so would prefer no one comes up and discusses it with me or tries a sales pitch...ill also tell them the slim girl(amy) is lovely and that this isnt a reflection on her more its a reflection on how fussy a eater i am and how long term my journey is. So thats that and i feel very relieved and happy about my decision.

Today went and did a big grocery shop lots of healthy foods and yummii snacks. I also got my hair cut while out...why do hair dressers have to flounce your hair so much, he was like oh u got curls...and then kept scrunching it...so as i sit here i look very much like a poodle ! So as im going out to fellinis and then the wheaty tonite...im gonna have to wash it AGAIN. So yes going to fellinis one of my faveeeeeeeeeeeeeeee restuarants...so yummii and the great thing is they have a low fat menu as well. Am going out with felicity and tan...felicity has a extremely bad reputation of being late...she has NEVER been ontime when ive met up with her lol...so will be interesting to see if she makes it on time for dinner...never the less will be a fun nite...always is when i catch up with them. And diet coke for me tonite .... no drinking .... being a good lesbian following the doctors orders !

ohhhh and did you see they were saying deborah hutton is a lesbian? ( and aint she a classy lady) i actually got told that a few months ago by one of my gay bois who knows someone who knows her....but apparantly or so the rumours go....she split with her lover whose some girl who was in the olympics and has taken up with some "high profile media personality" ooooooooooooooo the intrigue so exciting hehe...anyone sees any updates lemme know !!! im a gossip hound for those who werent aware lol

okies off i go...have a great saturday nite everyone :)

Well i finally seem to be over the flu. I didnt go to my chest thankfully which is a huge improvement. A year ago i got the flu .. went to my chest and i was off work for 7 weeks. So considering my bodies been rundown anyway from the gall stones etc...that 6 days later im fine and going back to work is a huge improvement as far as im concerned.

Ive been having some comfort food too but back on track now. Tomorrow morning hopefully i will do the grocery shopping too. And then i will be right.

I got the letter from the university confirming my enrollment 2 days ago...so that is rather exciting. A few more weeks and then i will be getting stuck back into it.

I am planning to go back to the gym on monday...want to get over this flu properly.

I go back to work for 2 days and then will have 2 days off so should be very well rested by monday.

Okies just wanted to check in...will post more over the weekend

Well its been a big day of thinking....i currently have te flu (yep cant take a trick health wise lately) Anyway on wednesday when i saw the slim coach at the gym and showed her my menu plan (which i thought was incredibly healthy) she told me to eat less pasta dishes and more meat, potato and veg. Now anyone who knows me can imagine my response. Anyway after thinking about things ive decided to put some changes into place. The first is im going to go back to ww's point system...im still gonna see the slim coach and do my weigh ins there cos they are better then ww cos they measure body fat and take monthly measurements...but im gonna do points. Mostly its cos i dont think the way they are having me do it i can keep up long term. It doesnt matter how i look at it,,,,i wanna go back to the main principal i had when i started this journey nearly a year ago and that was..."eat only foods i enjoy" if i sit there and persist trying to eat foods im not really fond of bottom line sooner or later ill throw it all in and thats not what i want at all...plus its all about moderation. So i pulled out the ww books today...recalculated my points...and im allowed 25 points per day...also pulled out the ww calculator and went thru my annette syms book calculating the points of different things. And as of tomorrow its back on points. I also am planning more of a focus on the exercise and less on the scales...i am at a point now where i could just about classify myself as "normal" i can jump on the bus for long bus trips...go out dating...go out with friends...i dont fret over not fitting into chairs....my losses may slow down...but i want to look more at the big picture. I also want to be fitter and not so much worry about a number. So thats where my thinking is this week lol

oooooooooooo and news ! Dunno if i wrote this in my last post or not. But i enrolled in uni for the start of semester 3. I will be doing a degree in criminology and justice - so very exciting. So another thing i wanted to do that im doing now...boy what a change my life is too a year ago eh? And theres another lesbian dance coming up *wink* already told felicity we bot need to go to perv LOL...okies off i go enjoy your saturday nite....mine will be staying warm in front of the heater.

oooooo well exciting news ! i enrolled in uni part time...i am gonna do a arts degree in criminology and justice. And i have enrolled for my first unit...which is actually a introductory to university studies subject. I start on August 27 and im pretty excited now ive made the committment to do it. So over the next few weeks i need to go out and get the text books so im all ready,AND set up my damn printer ! Ive had my printer for like 18 months and never set it up...never even taken the print cartridges out of their packages lol...but this weekend ill have to get that organised (too much thinking for tonite)

Food wise i have been very good today. I made the lemon chicken recipe that had been on the weight watchers forum a week or two ago....so yummiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii it was really delicious....and i made enough to freeze....so ill prolly have the extra serving on sunday night. I have a lil bit of a sore throat today i think its prolly cos im overtired from the bus trip still ... hopefully by tomorrow it will be better

So cos i had a sore throat and was feeling tired i didnt go to the gym. But hopefully tomorrow i will feel fine and get out to the gym and try to do 12 kms on the cycle.

Well i think its time for some sleep...enjoy ur nite all !

Well im back home and OMG sooooooooo quiet in my house - i keep expecting a chatty lil child to walk in the room at any moment lol

I got home at 6am...my house was freezing...so i put the heater on and climbed into bed and slept till about 10am... woke still feeling incredibly tired....was tempted to bail out of my PT session but i went but had a bit of a dizzy spell at the end so didnt do the last exercise. I went to see my slim coach too...i put on 500 grams but she said its prolly cos the week before last i was barely eating. I also have to do "visualisation" with the box i had to buy i have to put things in it that are reflective of what i want...travel, employment, study, social life, health, clothes...and to focus on how i want to see myself. Which was interesting as ive been thinking about doing a degree thru open studies. My sister gave me a course book...so one of the things im going to do for the november intake is decide which course and enrol. Theres lots of things i want for my future i need to give some real thought to focussing seriously on a couple of these.

Tomorrow im planning to go to the gym after a early nite tonite. Planning to just do 30 minutes on the cycle.

Okies im off for some sleep...enjoy your nite all

PS : airlie - i would love to take you up on that offer of the clothes....when your in adelaide next email me on princesskaryn@optusnet.com.au or add me to your msn lesbian.princess@hotmail.com - we can meet up for lunch or something if you like? - ciao

Well my gawd last day in streaky already. Yesterday we went to the pub for lunch and then went for a driver around the bay. My sister has season 6 of the gilmore girls which i havent seen so we have been trying to watch the season before i go home...we have managed 10 episodes lol...theres still another 13 i think so im bringing it home with me plus a couple of books. Just this morning finished my latest book "the maria korp case" was very interesting to say the least. The next one im reading is called "my sisters keeper" and isnt a true crime book.

My new jeans are feeling looser and i noticed yesteday i can now do all the buttons up on my denim jacket...so hopefully i wont get a nasty shock when i weigh in tomorrow. But regardless it doesnt matter even if i have a gain (remember ive gone back to normal eating after barely eating so i may have a small gain.) wednesday is first day of the "kicking ass in last half of 2007" lol. My aim is to be under 125 kilos by christmas which is completely do able. So there is theoretically 23 weeks till christmas...and i want to lose about 14 kilos...so the aim is to lose 600 grams per week...which is not setting the task bar too high i dont think.

Okies off i go to enjoy this last day,,,,have a good tuesday all !

well hello there all :) i made it to streaky bay finally...where its very very cold altho the sun is out a bit today and was sitting outside reading a lil bit earlier. Ive spent most of my time playing pokemon on the nintendo (and the consensus is i suck at this game lol) and watching dora and reading to miss 3. Soon as i finish this post im off outside to play hide n seek which they have been asking me to play since yesterday lol. Last nite my sister and me sat down and watched 6 episodes of gilmore girls LOL and tomorrow we are taking Miss 3 to the pub for lunch they apparantly do nice chicken salads and stuff. Foodwise i have been very good..even coming over you stop at port augusta and its like midnight and cold and the place you stop at sells greasy fatty chips and hotdogs etc but i was very good and just had a ham, cheese and tomato sandwich. Cant believe i go back to work so soon...but im not bothered really its been a decent break (altho not being sick would have been nice) I get home wednesday and that is a busy busy day...when i get home at like 6.30am i will prolly nap for a bit...then i have to do my meal plan for the next week...head up to the shops and do my grocery shopping...then over to mums as her antivirus software is having some problem. Then in the afternoon at 3pm i have a session with my slim coach and then a PT session (and omg it hurts so much to lift my arms at the moment from the last session) and then 6.45pm i am going to see the tax agent...phew.

Oh and i did get my eyes tested and do need glasses for when im at the puter or reading..AND i have freckles on my pupils...what the????! My mum found that quite funny....i seriously got the sucky genes in this family lol.

OKies i best go...and tania....yes we do need to catch up soon...when i get back to work ill email you a few days i can make...okies of to play some hide n seek lol...enjoy your sunday all !

Well yanno its amazing what a health scare can do for you. You know when i got up to over 170 kilos...i heard and even wondered if id last till i turned 40 i was seriously a heart attack waiting to happen. And when i always have thought of weight loss ive thought thats the risk or diabetes, then to have the drama of last week...the pain...the being put in a ambulance...blood tests...morphine shots...drips....oxygen etc and the thought that my history of bad eating had put me in a situation where eating even low fat healthy food was putting me in such pain was a huge awakening. At first yesterday when the radiologist said i may have passed the gall stone...i wasnt convinced...but i looked online last nite...it can happy...altho ur mighty lucky if it did. Im just hoping now my blood tests come back all ok...and i have a clean bill of health. Also the gyms butterfly program started this week...and they are giving out prizes determined on how often u get to the gym. I have no idea what the prizes are but its a extra focus for me. Anyway last nite i ate home made fried rice and diet coke AND a piece of chocolate...completed tested my system and NO pain so i feel like a weight has been lifted from me as i feel confident to eat healthy foods, cant say i would feel confident about kfc for example...but im thinking thats a good thing.

I am positive i am going to my sisters tomorrow nite now...i feel good...and cant see a reason why not. So i am really started to get excited about the trip. And when i get back on the friday nite its tans bday so me and felicity talked last nite and think we will go out for dinner with her and then to the wheaty for a few drinks...(non alcoholic for me) next morning i have to work at 7.30am but it will be nice to get out and have a quiet evening with them.

Today i am off to the gym for a PT session - go me !!! and omg yanno i cant stop looking at those numbers...170.9 and now 138.8....damn amazing - have a good day all !

Well...boy what a day. I had to fast this morning...then went to the ultrasound appointment...they ultrasounded everything...spleen, heart, kidneys, liver and gall bladder and then the radiologist told me he sees no gall stones ! what the...??? He said its possible ive passed it...but that ill know more when i see my doc on friday. My doc had also mentioned it could be a fatty liver or a infected liver...so i presume ill know more on friday. Anyway if they tell me im ok...and just need to watch my diet and dont need any appointments next week then im gonna jump on that bus and head to streaky bay friday nite and ill come back tuesday nite...so at least ill get 4 days with the kids.

I then went to the gym...well...i was planning to do a TTT class and weigh in. Well i misread the timetable and TTT was half over and the next class was body attack which the girls at the desk talked me into...OMG can we say "face as red as a beetroot" im so tired now...and i can feel my muscles aching already.

I then went to weigh in...i know weigh 138.8 kilos...so ive now lost 32.3 kilos...goddamn amazing ! i swear to gawd. They also took my measurements...and last month i lost 6.5 cm from my waist and 2.5 cm from my bust so thats all good. Then they told me about the butterfly program which im in. For next weeks session i need to get a box thats decorated and represents "me" and is larger then a tissue box...lol


okies off i go ... have a great day all !

Well...finally things are happening. I went to the doctor today, and they did the blood test and i am going to have the ultrasound tomorrow morning.Friday i have a follow up appointment and if the ultrasound confirms the gall stones then she will fax a letter to the hospital asking for my surgery to be done as soon as possible. So thats a good thing. I rang up my health fund today cos i was thinking so i dont have a issue like this again to get hospital cover. But they told me would be $150-$160 a month and id still have waits for when the private doctor could fit me in...so whats the point of private cover? I do have extras and the good news is they confirmed i can claim on glasses so if on friday when i get my eyes tested...if i need glasses i can get that all organised and hopefully get rid of the migraines. Food wise....i think ive figured out under a gram of fat and im ok. I had low fat cheese and tomato toasted sandwich today and no pain...which is soooooooooo good...and was so freakin' delicious ! And back to the gym tomorrow. Presuming i have time i will do a tummy and thighs class...followed by my weigh in...if not ill weigh in then do 15 minutes on the bike while i build up the cardio again. Okies well off i go...gonna play a few games of gammon before i go relax infront of the tv and watch some more of my cold case files =]

Well i got my letter yesterday for the appointment for the ultrasound. Its set for august 9. But the ER doc had told me my doctor may be able to get this pushed ahead. So when i go to my doc on tuesday for the follow up blood test i will ask him if theres anything he can do. Im also going to ask if he has any pain killers he can prescribe in case i get another attack (ive heard taking zantax can help and that docs can prescribe are stronger version of it) also i will ask him about which foods i can eat. I need to eat more variety then i am at the moment. Ill also check in about the gym, i will go wednesday to the gym no matter what...either to get back into things and weigh in or ill weigh in and give them a certificate to put my membership on hold...all depends what the doctor says.

Oh and btw thank you everyone who leaves me posts or emails me i always love the messages and tania no i didnt go to streaky bay...i was really too ill to chance a attack on the bus. And trisca thank you for the nice words - so nice to see u back at the gym =]

Last nite i watched sisterhood of the travelling pants....such a sweet movie. Today im recording the longest yard, the 40 year old virgin, curious george and just my luck...so lots to watch tomorrow lol

Okies off i go ... enjoy your weekend all !

Well i truly have been away for a bit eh? To be honest ive been quite ill. Last wednesday nite i went out to dinner with tania,,,i had a migraine and so knew i wasnt well...anyway i ordered pizza,,,and then became ill. Poor tania...on the way home i ended up throwing up. I thought it was merely a side effect of a migraine. Then sunday morning i had nothing in the house so thought as a treat ill get a danish from bakers delight....well i ate it and not long after i had the most excruciating pain below my ribs...i put up with it for a couple of hours before going to the doctor...they gave me a injection and told me it was my gall bladder. Unfortunately the injection made me throw up. So i went and stayed at mums. I went back to the docs the next day and the only advice was "eat bland food" so i did...but that nite again i ended up with the pain except it was even worse this time...i ended up calling a ambulance and was taken to royal adelaide. Where they gave me painkillers via a drip (i was really dehydrated) and a shot of morphine. They then did a whole series of tests...chest xrays, blood tests, etc and it turns out i have a blockage in my gall bladder. Friday i have to go have a follow up blood test to make sure the liver is fine as that was a bit not so good but thats pretty common with gall stones apparantly. I am now on a waiting list to see a specialist and for surgery. So its now time to be INCREDIBLY careful with my food. Im really not eating a lot so far just soup, bread, and yoghurt. Tonite im gonna try some of the heinz tinned spaghetti...as long as its soft and i chew it up completely i seem okay. I had some strawberry jam on bread today and i got so excited cos it had real taste LOL When i go to the docs on friday i will talk about the gym too...im not sure if im really eating enuff to sustain workouts (in fact im positive i wouldnt be) but hopefully over the next week ill build it up so im eating decent meals...i just wanna be super careful and test everything before i start eating. Basically now i eat something by taking a tiny bite chew it up real well and if no pain i eat a lil more...i did peak at the scales and not surprisingly they seem to have gone down. When i last weighed at the gym by my scales on that day i was 140.5 then when i ate bad i went up to around 143 kilos...when i just looked now im 141 kilos. Im slowly building up the water today ive drunk 600 mls so far today (huge improvement from one glass on monday) and i really need to keep working on this as im not daring to try any other drinks yet. ill be happy if i drink close to another 600 mls today. Yanno i gotta say anyone who eats fatty food whether skinny or fat...get yaself on a healthy diet....this situation i am in now is horrible...and if i could take back the last 5 years of KFC's i would lol...okies im off ....have a good week all...ill try and post again on the weekend but not really sitting at the puter much at the moment