Monday, July 30, 2007

OMG soooooooooooo tired !!!! i had to be up at 6.45am and for some reason i couldnt fall asleep last ive slept maybe 4-5 hours...i will sleep so well tonite...and i dreamed zach won big brother. Apparantly aleisha is the favourite and i will be happy if she wins but id also like zach to win.

Good news ! I emailed the gym this morning and they wrote back and said they will downgrade my package and remove slimplicity from it...they were really nice...told me they were glad i spoke up so i feel very relieved. And tonite off to ww to rejoin. I will feel like a total newbie i guess even tho i weigh less now then my last weigh in with ww ! lol But i feel a real weight off my mind about fernwood and excited about getting back into it all properly.

Went out saturday night which was interesting lol...went out for dinner first to fellinis which i always love....then we went to the wheaty hotel where we listened to a band called "the bluehouse"...two lesbian chicks who are a duo and they were was outside in this back room thing with old formica tables .... lol nothing flash but the band was really great and im really mad at myself now that i didnt buy their cd. They were very cool and very funny between songs.

By about 11.30pm id had enough tho and was ready to go home. Im getting old ive decided lol...midnight comes and i wanna be home....and to be honest im prolly not the biggest fan of the whole pubs deal...i would be happy enough just going out for dinner. And the whole issue of going out to meet people and maybe "the one" is actually starting to wear a bit thin with me.

but that said .... and how i mentioned i couldnt get to sleep last nite mostly cos i was thinking and soemtimes i really do over think chit. Anyway i was thinking how im a bit over the whole going out to meet someone chit...and then started to think about my sexuality....and how does my weight fit in with it all...and i started to remember when i was in my late teens...a lot of my friends started pairing off and i remember my friend tracys husband saying once "dont you miss the sex? dont you miss the being in a relationship" and when he asked me i was thinking simply in terms of male/female....and my answer was no...i had absolutely no desire to be in a relationship with a guy. Then i recall yanno going to family events...these arent my favourite experiences...dont get me wrong...i love my mum n sister...i absolutely ADORE my niece and nephews...but im part of a step family, and i dont "fit in" that a bit of a black the only one without a also the one who prolly rebels more then anyone else. I have very set ways in my head of how things should be done...and sometimes it doesnt occur the way i think it should. I remember going to family events etc when i was in my late teens/early 20's the question always coming up by certain members of the family "when you gonna find a guy and marry" "see if you had a boyfriend youd get nice presents too" now lol im not materialistic enuff to care about presents...and it was simply one of the most uncomfortable situations...i hated those type of questions being asked...cos while ive had crushes on grrls since i was very young...i knew "happily married to a male" wasnt for me but i hadnt quite figured my life or path out. yanno but food didnt care if i was single...or dateless or anything. Food was good and i felt good eating it...then as i put on weight those questions about marriage etc faded away to a degree...cos they had the answer mostly...cos i was fat i wasnt likely to end up in a relationship. And the more i think about it the more i think that had a lot to do with my weight. now of course im at a age where maybe i will have a serious relationship...maybe i not desperate for it or doesnt consume me or anything and im not willing to get in a relationship with just anyone..yes dammit i am a fussy bitch lol...if its meant to be it will be right?

Okies i truly need to do some work ! bye all !

1 comment:

Tania said...

Sounds like you've gone through the exact same realisation about the whole Fernwood/Slimplicity vs Weight Watchers thing that I went through this time last year. Only difference is that you're going back to meetings, I started counting points on my own and proceeded to gain back some of the weight i'd lost.

Just think where we'd be if we had of stuck to the whole plan that we know works back when we were going to the North Adelaide meeting together - oh well, we live and learn!

Sounds like lots of thinking you've been doing there! I have to say one of the things I admire most about you is your focus on you - so many people lose themselves in relationships or the need to find one (myself included) and yet you're not like that at all.

Look forward to catching up sometime soon.