Logic vs Self Perception

Ive always thought I am a pretty logoical person..a realist even...and I am, in the moments where I am alone and just think...or when a friend comes to me with a question or for advice...I can see the logical and sensible thing to do....so why don't I do it when it comes to myself????

This last week has be the accumulation of a gathering of so much info and carryon in my head. I have discovered living a "hermit" lifestyle... for me at least is easy. I did it for so many years I lost count, you don't have to worry about what to wear, you don't have to put thought to do my legs need a shave, you don't have to worry about being rejected, or being the wallflower...or just thinking wtf am I doing here...I dont belong here. Its nice...its easy...its not drama filled and generally costs you nothing (well I guess except ultimate happiness) As I have said on previous posts throwing myself into a social life like I have over the last few months has done my head in, in some ways. Logically I hear my friends tell me that I am a good person, that people like being around me, that I have friends....but my self perception side questions why on earth anyone would want to be involved with me...when will my friends finally click and stop inviting me out...when there is all the other people in the world why on earth would someone pick me to be with??? Now this isnt a post for a pile of people to comment and go "oh your wonderful kazz blah blah blah" I truly have so much going on in my head at the moment and feel I need to get this down in writing and then maybe I will start to make some sense of things.

I am lonely. No denying it. And its only the last few weeks i have realised this and the only time in my entire adult life I have ever admitted this. FInding a partner was initially a huge part of me commencing this weight loss journey....when i am hermitting myself ... i can sit there and think yes at goal i am going to meet this wonderful girl who is going to look at me and be astounded that someone could be as slim, and wonderful as I am and sweep me off my feet (all said with tongue in cheek lol) then there is the fact that i have thrown myself into my social life...no im not at goal weight...and of course no one has landed on my doormat saying they are here to sweep me off my feet. But I think now that I have stepped into this social life there is the realisation that what my ultimate goal for my weight loss has been may never happen. I may never meet someone who I can feel at peace with and simply love. And so when I have those moments of clarity when I think about this it ultimately leads me too wtf am i doing this then???? Now of course there is my health, but despite however much I weigh I am pretty healthy and have no major health dramas. Truly right at this moment I dont think I am in the complete and correct headspace place to lose the weight successfully.

Do I need counselling? I suspect yes...but at the same time I am terrified of that. Terrified of walking into a office and sitting down...and how do I go about that first sentance with this person I dont know...I have a mother who when I mentioned counselling to her said...and how is talking going to help you to lose weight...to be honest i have a mother who really knows nothing about what goes on inside of me...and to be honest that pisses me off...pisses me off that she chose not to believe certain things that happened in my past, and pisses me off that she allows herself to be influenced so much by people around her that she cant bear to hear the words "this girl i dated".

I am planning to cancel my gym sessions this week. Part of me feels i am wasting theres and my time. I know Im not in the right head space and something has to change. And I am divided on this. Part of me thinks the answer is to get some counselling and having a chat to my doctor...part of me thinks i should throw the social life in...and part of me thinks i need to just go sit in a corner and let all this stuff filling my head to just fall out and start afresh. I want it all tho, i want the weight loss, i want the social life, i want the gf, and i want that life were im just damn happy and have everything going for me....geeez im not asking for that much ;) anyway i need to get this all down...i need to sort this chit out in my head and i know me and know writing it down is the way to do it so bare with me this week as i do this.

This week as I mentioned the other day another friend is leaving work....am I bummed about this ? You betcha ! I have concerns about the environment I work in...concerns that I can go to work on a daily basis and be in a positive environment where I can have the odd laugh/joke.

PS for the person who asked what is STGTBT .... they are a series of cookbooks called "symply too good to be true" that can befound at australian newsagents that have some fabulous low fat recipes.

Blah days

Well its been a couple of blah days altho im starting to feel a bit better and put things in the right perspective in my head.

So whats been going on? Firstly...about 8 weeks ago my friend Ryan left work to go work in the city...NOW jaimee has gone and got a position at the same place. Her last day is next friday, so yesterday she told me that. She came in this morning said something about it...i held up my hand and said hush we are not discussing this today lol then i had planned out my xmas. The last couple of xmas's i have applied for leave...last year they said to me "you had last year off cant guarantee you will get this year off" anyway so i decided to not put in for leave and to work it. My sister and her family will be in streaky bay anyway i told my mum u go over there...and she only would if i would look after their dogs...now work has turned around and given me the day off (3 days off in fact) so i am now stuck at home alone for xmas...its not the end of the world but of course it is kinda sucky....yesterday i was completely pissed off about it...but tonite i am feeling better. Im a adult...its not really that big a deal...its not like im expecting santa to come down the chimney.

Weight loss all is going well...went to the dietician today....she went thru 2 of my STGTBT books and we picked out recipes i can have and she made some amendments to some. She also weighed me and the scales dropped by another kilo...so all progressing in the right direction and i had THREE compliments in the last two days. Yesterday david said...you've lost weight since you've been going to the gym havent u? And when i said yes he said yeh u can tell...then today im sitting at my desk and jaimee turned around and said "u are getting so much smaller" and thirdly lindsay one of the managers said are u still going to the gym? i said yeh...and she said yeh u can tell =] so all 3 were nice. The good thing is I am noticing it too...I just feel smaller...hard to pinpoint how...but i am just feeling it...altho i looked at a window in a shop today and thought...gawd what a huge ass ! lol

One of the girls I met from the speed dating messaged me the other nite =] And also Ange the girl I have spotted and like altho she doesnt have access to sending messages on pink sofa only generic "smiles" sent me a smile the other nite. She is going to the picnic on sunday so with luck Ill get a chance to talk to her.

Oh and anyone who reads my journal and has facebook if u wanna add me feel free as most of my pics etc are stored on there...my email addy for it is princesskaryn@optusnet.com.au

Off for some sleep


ni ni all =]

Just a quickie ;)

Just a super short update as I am not well and about to head off to bed. But some exciting news. When I went back to fernwood in august I weighed...153.7 by my scales...today when i weighed i was 143.8...just 100 grams of 10 kilos...and 27.1 kilos yay...im very happy...enjoy all

A calming feeling...

I have posted several times here...and made startling decisions about "chat" (yes that evil again lol) I have been going in again...for a while...has been no big drama...i havent felt its caused me any real issues...hasnt distracted me from my goals...and because my social life has taken off its really not been that big of a issue. Earlier this year someone I had known for many years started to chat to me...all was fine till i saw her psychotic temper...i ended things then. Ever since then every couple of months she makes a reappearance...puts on a display of her nasty temper which i ignore then she disappears for a few months. Well she came back again over the weekend...following a coversation with someone who told them I had mentioned their name UGH i mean people seriously think before you speak !!! Anyway after the last tirade i thought enoughs enough. I dont need this...its not a issue of i need to break a habit or my weight loss journey will stuff up...its just the final thing that makes me say chat is no longer fun. I do know the person who opened their mouth does read this journal...so I may make it private...will see. But to be honest this isnt all said with anger or aggression...i thought about it last nite...and was like wow i feel so calm...its like the calm after the storm ... not before it lol

Today I jumped on the scales and died of shock. I have this weight (ok its 145 kilos) and i always tell jaimee at work its like i have some psychological block...soon as i get near it ... i do some damage...well yesterday afternoon for some crazy reason i got on my scales (never normally do it that time of day) think i only did it cos i was running a bath and so bored while it was filling up LOL...anyway jumped on them and it said 144.7...so i jumped off and jumped back on...still 144.7 was like OMFG...gawd hope it lasts till the morning lol...then this morning i got on them 144.4 ! thats 900 grams I was down from the previous day...im so stoked and i would really like to get under 144 by the weekend so i am clear of that dreaded 145 weight but we will wait and see if that happens.

I am wearing one of my new tops today...i bought it about a month ago...fitted across my bust/shoulders but too tight around the hips...tried it on saturday and while still firm fitting around my stomach already starting to fall off my shoulders so thought id bettr start wearing it.

So far no huge plans for this weekend. The picnic is on sunday...so will probably go to that .. hopefully its nice weather without being too hot (last year was like 38 on the day of the picnic and way too hot) The rest of the weekend may be relatively quiet if no plans arise mite just catch a movie saturday arvo. The following two weekends there is a girls dance each nite so will prolly go to both.

Went to the gym for a PT session this morning. As i left she said ill see u during the week...i musta been slow in my response...cos she turned around and said "don't make me nag you" lol

Oh and I have a new fave food thing...grainy bread toasted with sliced tomato and some low fat feta cheese sprinkled on it. Got it for lunch today...cant wait yum yum!

So Very Happy :)

Well the weekend is slowly drawing to a close and have to admit its been a lovely weekend ! Lets see...Friday night I went to speed dating...in all honesty I didnt wanna go and if I hadnt made plans with felicity or bought the ticket already I wouldnt have gone. But I went and it was a interesting night (definitely the key to this nite is alcohol lol) I didnt drink heaps...but enuff to keep me "loosened up" so between 7pm and about 11.30pm I drank 3 glasses of champagne...I didnt think that was too bad. There were a few nice girls but none that I thought...man i want her...anyways afterwards I ran into a couple of friends...so i went with them to the wheaty (local lesbian hangout pub), felicity was also there...but whilst we are friends we also have our own friends...so we went our own ways...it was a nice time...just sitting around chatting...then one of the girls bought out this platter of food -eek ! Was full of chicken, cheeses, cold meats etc...but i didnt have one thing of it ! OMG i was so proud ! Even with alcohol in me I kept my focus. I got home about 12.15am. Saturday morning i woke with a slight hangover LOL now lately when ive had a hangover ive been saying...right i NEED fatty food...but not this time...i went and had one of my slim shakes instead (its full of LOTS of different vitamins and minerals) and so while i didnt gym it..by lunch time i was feeling all good and ready to get on with the day - which included seeing my sister and her family. We had a nice time...i watched a lil rug rats cartoon and had some education that the cat in the hat in the cat and the hat movie is not a real cat and not all cats like milk yanno ! LOL shes too cute for words. Then for dinner my brother in law ducked out to get us fasta pasta...now last time my sister was down...we had fasta pasta too and i had monte carlo (cream based pasta dish) but i thought nope....and so i ordered lasagne...it was a large serving...but very lil cheese on it (not sure if there was even any apart from my parmessan cheese) so i felt very good....and quite accomplished cos I had got thru a few social things without going off track. Today has been very relaxing...sleeping in (prolly woulda slept in longer if my new neighbours hadnt made so much noise) This afternoon I am just doing washing and watching sex and the city episodes...very nice and relaxing. Tomorrow morning i have another PT session at 8am.

Oh and heres something too...last nite im online chatting to a friend, one of the friends i go out with...anyway she had just ended up involvement with another girl and we were chatting about relationships and why we are single...and suddenly she turns around and said she had considered asking ME out when we first met LOL but she is only 29 so was concerned about the age difference...wow i was considered ... i was amazed i truly sit there and think WHY would someone wanna be with me....dont get me wrong and its not me wanting people to sit here and go oh kazz you have so much to offere blah blah but my head just doesnt get that...altho i think that thinking is slowly breaking down...i do realise i am a good person and have plenty of reasons why someone would want to be with me...logically i know that...but i guess insecurities, slef doubt and fear of rejection prolly makes me put up walls sometimes and that if i reject myself then its easier then if someone else does it if that makes sense (altho of course i realise we all get rejected and i need to put myself out there lol) okies enuff blabbing off to put some music on for a bit and have a dance around the house ;) before i sit down and watch some more sex n the city

TGIF !!!!!

Everytime I have gone to leave a post lately I have been short of time and really not leaving the full post I had wanted to leave...so here we go !

The last several weeks ive been a lil confused, lemme explain. As most know until a few months ago for prolly the last 10 years I have lived a very hermit type lifestyle...i have lived alone, with very limited friends or interests. My days pretty much consisted of work, eat, tv/computer,sleep. Now all this time i KNEW i wasnt really living...i was only existing...and i knew i needed more in my life but it was very hard to work out for me how to go and get that. Because of this fact...i had a very stable emotional state...no highs no lows...just very stable and lets face it boring. Then i went to the golden dance a few months ago...as I mentioned at the time this nite blew me away...since ang and then mel i have not had any physical attention...so to suddenly have a woman grab my hand and hold it while walking to the dance floor and then dance in her arms blew me away, to not sit at the table like a wall flower but to be up dancing and chatting to different people...laughing and wishing the nite would go on and on was all incredibly knew to me....it was definitely a nite where my emotional side was peaking with happiness, then only a week later i had a weekend at home and i was moody i couldnt work out why then in a post tania pinpointed it that maybe i was realising i was lonely. That made complete sense to me and i know believe i have been getting lonely...so of course when this is occuring my emotional moods drop leading me to have this rollercoaster of emotions....something that is prolly quite normal for others but something over the last 10 years or so i havent encountered. My dieticians words about not letting my social life interfere with my goals was entrenched in my head as well. So i was stuck...maybe i should give up on the social life for a while...and as i was going out more and more especially over the last few weeks it was doing my head in more....and i was having some days of being on track some days of being terrible. I was at a point where I was thinking maybe i should let the gym etc go and just have fun...but I knew if i did this id be at 170+ kilos before i knew it. Anyways early this week I booked in for a session with my dietician...i knew if that went well id prolly get back on track. Right before the session with my dietician i did the PT session with my trainer for boxing and i LOVED IT...i really loved it...altho i did have a dizzy spell towards the end (thats not uncommon for me tho) and since i had that session more then ever its motivated me...and im determined to do at least 10 weeks of boxing...i told Fiona i would start in the new year...id really like to start now...but a big electricity bill etc is preventing this :) Anyway then i went and saw eve...we ended up running 15 minutes over - oops ! And i told her where my head is at...first thing she said was do NOT give up the social life...she thinks its important for me and i agree...she then said one nite per week to have a meal thats not a plan...to choose a healthy option but i dont have to measure out my carbs and protein etc and the other thing was for me to bring in my STGTBT books and for her to go thru them so we can work out which recipes i can have on the program. The other thing is i posted on the ww site, and one suggestion someone made was look at that time alone as "me time" ive always heard people say about this but i had PLENTY of me time so i never had to think of it specifically...but that is something i am going to do. So this weekend...i have speed dating tonite (pls pray i do not make a fool of myself) gym in the morning (if im brave enuff i am going to try body pump!), tomorrow afternoon i am going to spend it with my sister and her family and then sunday its ME TIME. I am planning to sleep in...do the washing thruout the day whilst watching some sex and the city, having a leisurable bath, and playing on the computer a lil bit plus some VERY overdue housework. So i feel much more in focussed...i feel i have established ways to tackle this.

OH and on to other things. I think i mentioned i have my eye on someone? I was asked several weeks ago what i thought of someone...i was like who? i dont remember them....then last friday nite....she was at the pub...we were introduced and altho she sat away from me...i THINK i saw her smiling at me a few times. Anyways a few nites ago i asked a friend of hers if shes single...shes like yeh why who wants to know? i was like ummmm no one....but.....she has a cute smile...my friend laughed and we talked a lil about her ;) anyway my friend was like okies at the dance we will have to sit u two next to each other and i was like...well i suck at small talk and trying to chat a woman up....and my friend was like well when we go out for a smoke...you come too so u can chat to her in a small group environment lol....so mite have to try and put my flirting skills to work ! Oh and did i mention her name? ummm yeh its ange (wonder if thats a omen at all?)

Okies off for a weekend .... have a good one all !

Another photo

Well just got home from the gym, have about 10 minutes then i gotta go get organised for work. Was good at the gym tho...i did a PT session in boxing...phew what a work out...my trainer said tho i picked it up really quickly....some of the stuff she said it takes people up to 4 weeks to learn and i was doing them in my first session lol...having done dance for so long as a kid means i can pick up movement and steps easily. Anyway the session was fun...i did get dizzy at the end....but boy i worked hard so i think definitely in thenew year i will buy a block of 10 boxing classes. Then I went to see the dietician we talked for about 10 minutes...we decided to change a few meal options. Next week i am going to take my STGTBT books in too and shes gonna go thru them with me so i can work out which recipes i can make that fit into my plan. The other thing she said is once a week to have a meal that is healthy but not restrictive to my plan. We also discussed my issues about my social life....she said definitely dont stop that...she thinks it is important but i just need to work consistently on balancing it out. Okies off I go ! Oh and heres another photo...its from the ofest day we had at work recently...its me an my friend jaimee...we were able to order up to 20 prints FREE so i have ordered this one



Oh and wish me luck....going speed dating tomorrow nite and spending saturday arvo with sis and niece and nephews and sunday having a me day at home - roll on the weekend ! byesssssssssssssssssssssssss

Went to the gym this morning. Did my PT session which all went well. The made a appointment with my dietician for thursday after my PT session. I did briefly talk to her and told her i think i need to be weighed more often and need some accountability and she told me she had been thinking the same thing. Also overnight I have been doing a lot of thinking about my social life and my weight loss journey. All these nites out with drinking etc...is becoming too costly as well as affecting my weight loss journey. Going out for dinner or for coffee isnt a issue cos lets be honest I can always make a good decision. But these nites of drinking need to be restricted...at the most I am going to go out once a week, no more. Whilst yes I am single and yes I should be living my life blah blah blah it does throw my focus off and hell it ends up costing as well. So its one nite per week maximum...id prefer it to be once a fortnight...but we will see how i go.

Okies just a quick post...wanted to get this down in writing

Another weekend over

Well one day off sucks..which is what i have this weekend...only today off...back into it all tomorrow...sigh.

Went out friday and saturday night. Friday was great fun...there was about 20 girls...in this cosy lil pub...sitting around with a glass of champagne and chatting ;) This bunch of girls are really nice...i had quite a indepth chat to one of the girls (gf of a friend) about the whole butch/femme dynamic in the lesbian community which I found really interesting. There was also another girl there who I must say was cute...she seemed kinda shy...but cute all the same. Which its had me thinking today that I have never really persued someone...i had two fellas when i was younger...one persued me the other i just had a major crush on n i am surprised we ever went out lol. Ive only been with two girls...ang and mel (guess i should break the news this girls name is ang TOO) i knew my old ang for so long that by the time...i knew i was interested i already knew she thought highly off me...so while i did persue her...i prolly knew i wasnt going to be rejected...and mel chased me so I have never really put myself out there. I said to one friend last nite...so ummmm is ang single? And she was like yes whose asking to which i whistled and said...ummm no one LOL Saturday night i went to the feast opening...but i didnt enjoy it that much...there was no seating (my feet were killing me), one bar only and took 20 minutes to get a drink, was too noisy couldnt talk to people you were with...just not my cup of tea and so not surprisingly i was home by 9.30pm ! LOL

SInce i hurt my ankle my weight loss has taken a back seat. I weighed myself this morning and i am 100 grams up...now its time to stop talking about it and start getting back into it...i dont even have my next dietician session booked...so enuff is enuff. Tomorrow i have a 8am PT session and i also have one on thursday (doing a boxing session) i will also go on saturday morning...so this week ... minimum of 3 times and back following the plan.

Not a lot else to say...have a good sunday all

The weekend is nearly here !

I tell you life is so busy and full lately. Today at work we had a "career expo" day which was going to sessions (in work time) on different areas of the company and also one on resume writing. So ive got lots of hints for my resume and a template for one and a cover letter. I also went and spoke to some people in mobile retention, and project management...all very interesting. SO today went by really fast. Tonite i went shopping after work....lots of fresh fruit n veges in the house again thankfully.

This week is turning out to be busy. Saturday I am working 9am-5pm. Tomorrow nite i am meeting some of the girls at the wheaty for a couple of glasses of champers but that will be a early night. Saturday night will be a BIG nite...its opening night for feast and after the parade i am going to the after party. So am meeting up with felicity and i plan to complete run a muck. Sunday I am putting aside purely for recovering LOL

Oh and i got a shift swap for the speed dating ! So yes next friday i willbe doing that and on the saturday my sister is down so will be catching up with her.

The ankle is still hurting me...not so much to walk on im walking normally but a constant muscle achee and the annoying thing of course i cant use antiflammatories on it ive just started using deep heat so hopefully that will help. Okies im off...have a good weekend all...i sure am gonna ;)

Speed dating, boxing & some other stuff.

Well I think I have a lot to say lets see how this goes..lol...

Went to the gym today and did a Pt session my ankle is a lil sore tonight but not too bad but of course that was doing weights so controlled exercise...will rest still for a few more days and then really get back into everything. While doing my session my PT trainers says "eve tells me u wanna do boxing or is it eve wanting you to do boxing?" i said,,,,,yeh its more eve....right now with my big electricity bill ($480) plus christmas and my melbourne trip around the corner i cant really afford to do a extra PT session per week till january..so she said i have a couple of spare PT sessions so for at the least next 2 weeks im gonna do a second PT session which will be boxing to give me a try at it and see if I wanna do it in the new year. But as I said to her more then anything i just need to start doing classes (body punp and body balance they also have a new flexibility class id like to do too) so as off next week i am really getting stuck into it by then my foot should be fine too.

Felicity sent me a message on face book saying we MUST do speed dating lol...i was like what??????????? are u crazy????????????? but anyway they are having a lesbian speed dating as part of feast on nov 21...it starts at 7pm and i am suppose to be working till 8pm but if i can get a shift swap gawd forbid we are gonna go and do it LOL. This weekend is turning out to be quite busy too...friday nite i believe i am going to the wheaty to hang with some friends in the beer garden (will be a early nite as i have to work at 9am) and then saturday night is opening night for feast ! omg that should be so much fun...ive never been before but am meeting up with felicity after work then we will going to the after party as well where my boi ryan is going to be at as well ! Cant believe he has been gone 5 bloomin weeks already will be good to catch up with him.

I went to target today..bought two new books...one is shapelle corbys book and the other is about a kid who organises to kill his dad and ends up on death row and is about how his dad forgives him...i also bought the extended version of sex in the city so tomorrow nite will sit down and watch that (ive been watching series one and two over the last few nights) The other aim of tonight/tomorrow is to finish reading fattitude.

My other thing on my brain is my social life vs my weight loss journey. MY dieticians talk about not letting my social life interfere with my goals is still ringing in my ears. So i need to be careful about this...i think friday night i wont drink...saturday night ill have a couple just to loosen up but thats it. Ill prolly be dancing and walking around all night so prolly will balance each other out.

Okies off to watch another episode of sex in the city before heading to bed...ni ni all =]

Well its sunday today,,,my friday...come 8pm tonight I am off work for 2 days...YAY. My ankle is healing nicely and I have a delightly bruise on my knee. But I am at last walking without limping...I am going back to the gym tomorrow for a PT session and will see how it copes with that. I am missing the gym tho...as I have said in the past...walking into the gym does something to my motivation levels...the fact I havent been there in over a week and that its that TOM has left me for a day or so feeling very blah. I know tho give it another day or so and once I have been back to the gym I will be feeling focused again. Not that I have pigged out or anything I have still been eating very well. I do cheat tho...sometimes I eat something I shouldnt and sometimes I dont eat everything that I should ! And its something I really need to focus on. My "miscellaneous"snack after dinner which should be a handful of nuts I havent been having lately..and not all my fruit either so I really have to pick up on that. Okies back to work not a lot else to say ;)

Thursday & Fridays tracking

Thursday (not a great day!)
b - slim shake
s - ?
l - hamburger
s - ?
d - baked potato

Friday
b - 3 weetbix & milk
s -
l - multigrain roll with chicken and salad
s - hot chocolate + banana
d - tuna pasta

What the hell next???

Well yes the layout is back to the boring old black one as it seems the bandwidth for the image on the old one (hosted by whoever i had the layout from) has exceeded, so temporarily its back to this layout.

I am sittin here in amazement for how this week has panned out. Sunday I sat here posting im gonna do all this exercise and go to classes and i havent been ONCE. Okies heres the story to give u all some light entertainment ;)

Friday i hurt my back while out shopping which is such a dicky thing to do anyway. So i am using voltran cream on my back. I have a ulcer so im not allowed anything with ibuprofen in it...the cream has ibuprofen in it but as im not digesting it im thinking its fine. I put some on my back last nite within 40 minutes im in imense pain and on the phone for a ambulance (doctor has told me in the past call a ambulance when i get these attacks) so in the ambulance they give me this gas stuff thru a pipe but im like nooo its making it worse...so after 5 minutes i stop taking it...i get to the hospital and of course its melbourne cup day and the waiting room is filled with people who have injured themselves while drunk...some are abusive...one guy is out cold. It was a pure joyful experience (take note of my tongue in cheek when i say that)after 90 minutes and still no doctor seeing me (the guy sitting next to me had had a mild stroke and he wasnt getting in to see a doc either !) i go up to the counter and say how long...only to have the worst dizzy spell and feeling like im going to throw up....so finally they get me on a bed. By this time tho the pain has minimised (prolly due to the pipe the ambulance guy gave me) so then its like 1am and finally they give me my discharge letter and im thinking thank gawd i jsut wanna go home and crawl into bed. So i go call for a taxi...am busting for the loo...go do my business and go to walk out and wat happens (remember i was kinda high from that gas stuff lol - well thats my excuse and im sticking to it !)theres water on the floor i slip and come down on their damn concrete tiles on my ankle and knee ! i some how manage to get up and think gawd should i go see the doc? but by this point im sick of the hospital and just want home...so home i came my knee is bruised and my ankle looks like theres a huge egg stuck to it LOL it is feeling a bit better tonite not throbbing so mcuh. SO its a few days of relaxing for me. I had to go down the shop today (5 minute walk) i swear it took me 40 minutes with my limping LOL. I did do as my dietician said and made a new recipe tonite ! omg so nice ! its out of the biggest loser cookbook...it was spinich and bacon fried....then u add 1 teaspoon of oil, 2 table spoons of lemon juice, lemon rind, some chilli, garlic, capers and i also sprinkled a lil low fat feta cheese over it and had it over pasta....was so damn yummi. Okies my mobile phone just rang and its downstairs ! GAWD !!!!

okies heres todays tracker


b - 3 weetbix with milk and honey
s - slim shake
l - baked potato with ham, low fat sour cream, low fat cheese, pineapple and chives
s - ?
d - bacon and spinich pasta


OKies im off to watch tv...fingers crossed i stay safe ! LOL

Tuesdays tracking

b - 3 weetbix with milk
s- slim shake and banana
l - multigrain roll with chicken and mayo + small tin of peaches
s - small tin of peaches
d - chicken salad with pasta and low fat fetta cheese

Todays tracking:

b - 3 weetbix, milk and a banana
s - slim shake and banana
l - multigrain roll with chicken and mayo
s - hot chocolate and banana
d - spaghetti bolognaise
s -

Re-priortising

Just noticed my last post was my 400th post....but on to other things....

After some lengthy discussions with myself over the last 2 weeks and a lengthy discussion with my dietician yesterday,,,,its time for a few changes =] Firstly its time to re-priortise some things...now dont get me wrong i love that my social life is starting to take off...but i need to balance things out...i need to realise there are two things which are a top priority one is work the other is this weight loss journey, after that comes my social life, travel and the rest. But as long as I get the first two in place then all other things will follow ! In the last two weeks I have become a lil complacent, I havent been eating all my fruit...and have gone off track a lil. Yesterday was weigh in and measuring day,,,,i lost 2.2 kilos... .4% body fat and some measurements went down while others increased. Im not to phased about it in all honesty i didnt deserve great results...but as my dietician pointed out from where i started to where i am now ive achieved results which are definitely on the high side (in 11 weeks i have lost 5 centimetres of my hips for instance...and not only is that a hard place to lose from its also the part of your body that can dictate a lot of your health issues) so I am impressed with myself...but lets be honest I could have done better. So the first 11 weeks was the introductory as far as I am concerned...its time to rev things up. First thing....i need to start tracking daily....and so I will be posting daily to track my food at the end of each day. Secondly I need to change the food a lil...im gonna cut down on bananas (whilst i love them 3-4 a day for 11 weeks im a lil over them) so i am going to change them to tinned pineapple (in natural juice of course), stewed apples and strawberries. I am also gonna start having baked potatoes for lunch on my day off and am going to make one new recipe per week. Okies so thats the changes on the food side...now for the exercise....its REALLY time to up this. First thing the gym has coincidently starting yesterday a challenge of 50 classes between now and december 22... i wont meet that but ill register and go for it. I am also going to do 30 minutes of exercise morning and night. I will be starting this as off tomorrow (hurt my back on friday but should be fine by tomorrow) I am going to make myself attend classes....i wanna do body pump and body balance...and theres a new class on flexibility will try and attend that one when i can....when i cant make the gym it will be either a 30 minute walk or the biggest loser DVD. I am also considering doing a additional PT session of boxing for 10 weeks (still sussing out the finances on that lol) as long as i can afford it i will do that also. Whilst i wouldnt been at my goal weight in all honest i could be close to 100 kilos by mid 2010 if i follow this...if i dont...well maybe ill reach 130 kilos by then....the choice is mine.

Onto other things....at work they have me working on a project....a power point presentation which i think is a big deal...so far so good...hopefully they will like it and give me opportunities to do more things like this.

As to the back...i hurt it shopping lol pathetic huh? lol But while out shopping i did spend (got a $300 gift voucher) bought a pair of jeans, 2 pairs of 3/4 pants, 2 shirts and 3 pretty tops, a pair of shoes (which need to be returned), a pair of sunglasses, series 5 of Beverly hills 90210 and the biggest loser cookbook. I need to find some decent sandals that are suitable for work. Some of the clothes fit me...some i need to lose a lil weight to fit into...ill try them on again in 2 weeks and see how we go then. Okies enuff rambling....off to watch some more of BH90210 lol byessssssssssssss



Tracking:
b - 3 weetbix with banana and milk
s - slim shake
l - multigrain roll with chicken and mayo and 3 pineapple rings with juice
s - 3/4 cup of stewed apples
d - chicken in light evap milk with spinich, semi dried tomatos, onion over 1 cup raw pasta (cooked)
s - small handful of nuts and seeds