So I was reading jaxxs journal today and she left quite a heartfelt post when reading it could see its a time which if i was in her shoes could make me to give up losing weight if i was doing well. So then i got thinking...why when id done so well for 6 months...did i falter and give up? Why after months of striving to lose weight...and being happy did i suddenly give it up? why did i falter? i mean i didnt falter for a week or two...its grown into 12 months of inconsistency and not following thru with the plan...ive constantly used joining the gym as thats where everything went pear shaped...but was it really that? Or something else...part of it i think...has to do with my self confidence. Yanno...if i cant meet a partner at size 26...well ok...that works....thats completely logical in my brain...i havent met a partner cos im fat...ok thats nice we can parcel that away in a lil box which makes sense. But what if i got down to size 16 and unable to meet a partner or worse a size 10 or 12...what does that say about me? Is it that im ugly? is it cos i got a suck ass personality? or is it just the luck of the draw? Ive made no secret that finding a partner was a huge motivational factor for me...im tired of living alone and being alone...while i dont need someone...it would make me so much happier to have someone to share it with...the more i think it...the more i thinkits easier to cope with not having a partner while fat...ive got the perfect excuse for being single. Does that make sense? I truly am babbling lol...and its a huge factor....that chick i saw last weekend at the dance that i thought was cute...if i was a size 16 i wouda approached her....but at this size i feel like if i do that th person would basically laugh in my face. Yanno then i think...but I snagged ang...so i must have something going for me right? or is that cos i got to know her online for so many years that i coulda looked like a witch by the time we met she woulda still loved me...then again i dated mel...and she liked me...and told me us not continuing was not cos of my size...and i remember her telling me i had a cute smile...but still...she wanted out...and i know its only one person....but sill makes me wonder i know...i realise tho getting back to weight loss...i cant not keep going...i need to...apart from the fact i need to too prolong my life...my chance at truly meeting someone will be impacted by my size and how i feel about myself. I just have to get this in my head..and understand that the more weight i lose...the more my chances of meeting someone will increase...altho its not a guarantee...

Got the party tomorrow nite...getting rather nervous...most dont know im gay and im dreading the "do you have a boyfriend kazz" questions...dont really wanna be telling people im gay while at my friends party. Okies enuff off for some dinner !

16th june !!! write that date down...cos im going back to ww on that date...if i dont im gonna end up putting all the weight back on and i so dont want that. I went shopping today and had to buy size 26 ! Like holy crap...thats just pathetic...and the crazy thing is i dont even enjoy eating the crap food (well except for salt & pepper chicken which i discovered recently) but yanno its blah...and im noticing things like im thirsty all the time...ive had 3 damn migraines in the last 2 weeks...and i feel sluggish so another couple of weeks i think i will have this completely out of my system. i miss that good healthy feeling. plus im gonna buy the nintendo wii so hopefully i will exercise and enjoy it. So today i bought 2 pairs of jeans...a top in size 24 which is too small (ugh) so need to swap that over for a size 26...a new bra...some boots...necklace...bracelet...and socks. I am really looking forward to the party saturday night...hopefully some photos will get taken...and i can post them next week (like the damn lesbian i am i dont take a handbag when i go out so nowhere to carry a camera LOL)

Found out today we got new staff on monday and one of the newbies...ill be taking under my wing...this is the second time ive got to do this...i like doing coaching and this kinda stuff so thats great. Saturday arvo i am getting my hair done...getting rid of the blonde streaks and gonna get it layered more...fingers crossed it ends up looking good.

Okies another early morning tomorrow (damn these 7.30am starts) so off i go...ni ni all =]

Well i have had another migraine ugh. I think its from the computer screens at work...the doctor thinks so too...thankfully on the weekend we are getting new flat screens at work which should resolve the issue.

I am starting to get the desire back to get on track...im gonna wait another 2 weeks then give it some serious thought. I have decided tho to cancel my gym membership...when i think back my weight loss was better when i was doing exercise at home. But on that note with my bonus which i get on the 12th june i am going to buy a nintendo wii ! I know theyre expensive but...they are fun and could get me off my butt and enjoying myself. I got a email tonight to say my $300 coles myer voucher arrived at work today too ! So will get it tomorrow and will buy some new clothes with it and this weekend i am going to get my hair recoloured...im gonna go to like a caramel colour...im tired of having it blonded all the time. Im gonna get it layered a lot more too. Hopefully will look nice.

In the lesbian world...theres labelling which i guess happens everwhere...the main labels are butch and femme...altho there are others like dyke, queer etc Anyways Ive always thought i fell SLIGHTLY to the femme side...not overly cos im not overly gurly anyway i did this buch/femme test and this was the result:

Your score placed you in the category of Soft Androgyne. This is the "steel magnolia" type. You may also wish to review Strong Femme and Androgyne, the two categories surrounding you. In a ranking across the femme/butch gamut, if 1 is femme and 100 is butch, you fall between 41 and 47 on the scale. For a review of where you fall in the overall population in numbers, refer to this chart. Your group is a large part of the 35-45 age group for the most part and has a wide mix of genders and orientations.

For most of your life and social interaction, you don't really see yourself as either butch or femme, but if pressed into a corner, you react more femme than butch. You prefer to seek aid rather than solve your problems on your own, and prefer to give aid rather than to encourage someone to stand on their own feet. You're fairly well balanced over all, with the occasional weakness you haven't quite yet conquered.

Education is important to you, as you see knowledge as a key to independence and freedom, and you tend to have a higher educational level than your peers, either formally or by self-teaching. You read a lot, and a varied assortment of genres, enjoying cartoons as much as heavy psych drama. Biography, however, bores you. You like historical anecdotes but are not very good at memorizing dates, having a more general sense of time.

Your home is a roof for you and not a showplace. Order is optional. You cook if you have to and are efficient at it but really don't like to bother. You prefer to be fed. You like small dogs or big cats and the occasional hamster.

You enjoy a fairly strong butch for a partner, along the lines of a Feminist or Classic Butch, and take on other Androgynes as friends. Family is not terribly important to you, and odds are good you came from a home where that was not the primary issue. You may have a good, but distant relation with your family, or may not be in touch at all, but it's pretty certain you don't live with them unless you have to, or in the same city.

I tell you this is such a good description of me (well except for the part about biographies boring me...i actually enjoy em) I always thought thats where i fall in the whole stream of it. Was rather interesting even if it was just some fun lol

OKies off i go !

Oh what a nite !

Well i sat down last to write a post but got distracted with dinner and big brother LOL. Had a great weekend...went to the golden dance...had a blast...was this chick there sexii as hell...so perved her most of the night but being the chicken chit i am i didnt go over and say hi *blah* but danced had a few drinks was a really great nite (altho i did have a lil hangover yesterday morning LOL)

This coming weekend I have a 40th to go to saturday nite...and think im gonna get my hair down and have it recoloured a caramel colour...bit over the blonde streaks as my hair grows so fast the roots come thru so quickly. Anyway saturday nite is a friend I went to schools 40th most of our friends are going but i have not seen most for 5-10 years....so going to be a very interesting night. Its a 80's themed party so i plan just dancing the whole nite lol

This morning i started work at 7.30am which meant i needed to set my alarm for 5.45am...what did this dork do? yep u better believe it...set it for 6.45am..got up wandered around the house for a few minutes then thought i shit im suppose to be at work in 40 minutes....so ended up being a huge rush and having to catch a taxi to work

Thanks for all the comments about me taking a break from WW...i expected to get lots of "are you insane? get back on the ww horse today!" but im already starting to think about losing weight ... im not gonna rush it...im gonna make sure im totally in the right head space before i get back into it but i suspect by late june i will be in the right place. And thanks nicole for your message that was sweet of you :)

Well this is a post I really debated over whether to post or not...i am over weightloss...completely completely over it...im tired of counting points, scales, worrying about whether ive had a loss or not..stressing over if i havent loss then why not. Im also tired of all the money ive spent on it over the last 2 years. I mean I am really glad and proud I lost the initial 34 kilos...but right now im done...i need a break from it all...and i know most people are thinking well thats it shes gonna put all her weight back on...hopefully i wont but im also making no headway with the way things are at the moment. Initially I thought just dont post...end of story. But Ive decided to keep the journal going and hopefully in time something will click and i will get my head in the right place to lose the weight. So i will keep posting but it will be very minimal if any weight loss talk.

Ok other stuff...was in a slight bingle last nite...was in a taxi and the taxi driver hit a cyclist...wasnt pleasant but the cyclist didnt appear too injured and the taxi driver took him to hospital so would presume all is ok.

Looking forward to the golden dance...meeting twinkz there and theres another 4 girls we know who will be there as well and this morning i had a message on the sofa from a girl who asked if I minded if she comes across and says hi...to which of course i said ... of course come on over ! LOL gawd what a tart i can be.

Im really dying for this weekend...this week just has seemed sooooooooooooo long and i am really over it and really need a couple of days away and some goddamn sleep ins ! I am hanging out for saturday morning for a good long sleep in.

Okies not a lot else going on...enjoy all =]

Wow 2 days running updating the journal...amazing. Last nite i wasnt so good...i crumbled and had kfc...but thats it...no more unless it fits in to my points...my only aim right now is to get thru today and stick to the points.

Last nite went into the pink sofa and spoke to a couple of girls who i was suppose to meet up with the same nite i went out to the grange hotel. Anyway M the chick i met up with for coffee met them....so they asked me how did it go with u and M ... i was like shes a nice enough gal but there was no chemistry...well their impression was she was weird...apparantly one of the girls she kept probing her on her sex life and she kept staring at anohter girl...all very weird ... so glad I gave her a wide bypass.

Had my 12 month report for work done...was a good result altho I thought I deserved a slightly higher mark...but cant complain...i will still get enough to pay off most or all of the tax bill

Okies off I go...

Well im a goddamn slack ass eh? But I rejoined ww online today. I was debating over doing it online vs meetings...but when i looked at the success of jaxx and nat who dont go to meetings i thought bugger it i can do it without meetings too. So im trying not too put too much pressure on myself...just focus on staying within my points this week...hopefully that will lead to a nice healthy loss...and that I can then build on it. Finally got my new mobile...o0o its flash its a nokia 6500...very nice...but i didnt have numbers saved to the sim card so have lost a lot of phone numbers...oh well.

Came into work today and I had been nominated for a spot award...so won some more wishlist points...got 10000 points last week too..(which have converted to a $300 myer voucher which should get in the next week or two) Then i can go shopping and buy some new clothes...im desperate for some new bras...and some new clothes would be nice. This weekend i have to wash and pack up the clothes that no longer fit that I am giving to tracy as well.

Bought some marinated yiros chicken at the butchers last week. So will cook them up tonight...and then have a home made yiros with some oven fries for dinner. Should be a lot less points then getting one from a take away store plus no garlic sauce.

This weekend is the golden dance and me and felicity are going...havent been to one in ages so should be a lot of fun.

Well enough for today,,,promise i will update more regularly...im off to play with my new phone LOL

So I have been missing in action and the truth of the matter i spat it this week with the whole weight loss thing and at myself to be honest. The scales went up a lil this week (now in my rationale mind i know its prolly fluid...mostly cos TTOM is due but also my left foot has a tight feeling so im pretty sure im retaining) but after the last month with my attempts at the gym i just spat it. Was sick of the scales...was sick of feeling the obligation of going to the gym and the diet and everything remotely healthy has flown out the window. So i am now debating...ive come to the conclusion the fernwod diet is not aimed at someone with 70 kilos to lose nor do they have the answers for someone with 70 kilos to lose. So i am going to go back to what I know what works and what my intuition tells me is the right thing to do and thats ww. Now its just a case of deciding whether to attempt to do it online or whether to attend meetings.We have a new roster at work coming in from june 1 which would mean 2 out of 6 weeks i could not attend a monday night meeting...but those weeks i could attend a tuesday morning meeting...part of me is thinking....give it a go online for a week and see how i go...if all goes to plan...then keep at it online (as it is cheaper that way) until it doesnt work then attend the meetings...another part of me knows i need the accountability of the meetings...so decisions decisions. I wont lie this week i have changed my mind daily on how i should tackle this...everything from have a break from scales nd everything that goes along with it...to celebrity slim....to biggest loser club...to lite n easy. The bad thing is too...i simply didnt turn up for my appointments at the gym this week...they tried contacting me...but i didnt answer the phone (on purpose lol) honestly...i think i need to simply get some losses on the board...and get my confidence back in regards to that...cos after this last month i have started to doubt if i can do this....maybe now im 40 my metabolism is too stuffed up...but realistically i know i can do this but i think i need to keep it simple and introduce things slowly. So firstly i will simply get back on to ww follow the points...then once i have gained some losses...i will introduce some exercising. Not walking cos i just think my feet arent cut out for it....prolly get some dvds (like the biggest loser beginners one) and just do that....and also my walk away the pounds...just do it simple like i did 18 months ago when it all worked fo me. In time i will go back to the gym but i wanna introduce it slowly cos right at the moment the thought of going to the gym repulses me. So not giving up...more going with my intuition.

Friday we had our "ignite roadshow" for work...so basically everyone was off the phone by 12.45 pm and we headed down to west beach shores to this function room where basically there was like a 45 minute speach...then they let us run free...they had a room with "3 minute angels" who were giving massages, another room which had about 10 consoles set up (and i had no idea what i was doing with them ! lol) and then there was food and drinks for free. Then after that we went to the grange hotel for dinner...OMG yummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm i had rigatoni with chicken, ricotta, spinach, and sun dried tomato...was the yummiest pasta meal i have had in so long.

And I have a few nites out coming up..on the 24th is the next golden dance and me and felicity are going...and on the 31st is tracys 40th...tracy and i went to school together...and lots of people went to school with will be going so should be very very interesting nite LOL

Okies...off i go

A few revelations...

Well the last few days have been a few revelations...so lets see...firstly my puter has been a bitch lately...so friday nite i thought ill reformat it and clean it up...well reformatted it and it wouldnt install java...then wouldnt install all the updates...so by saturday morning I had had enuff and was at the puter store getting a new one...to organise everything and for them then to say...oh we dont have it in stock...do u wanna pick it up from another store? So off into the city i go to grab it. Anyway I get it home and its gorgeousssssssssssssssssssssss its a laptop...for all the geeks its got a 18 inch screen...3GB ram...320 GB hard drive, vista (obviously). finger print ID, 5.1 surround sound, tv tuner, high definition resolution screen, the screen is absolutely stunning to look at. I truly have a crush on it ! Cant wait to get a few L word episodes to watch on it LOL it also came with a voip phone and a remote control ! omg how techie am i????

So then yesterday afternoon i headed off for the "date"...which has really got me thinking...she was a nice gal...said a few things which i found weird and bottom line i just didnt feel there was chemistry there. Then I started thinking about stuff...I think a huge thing about it and my weight loss journey the goal was to get a gf...and I am not saying I dont want a gf...but there is prolly a relatively good chance I will be single...now I dont say that in a bad or megative or victim way...but what I realise by thinking that is yes ok that maybe the case but thats still no reason not to have a wow of a time. The focus needs to be really on enjoying life as it is...and to be honest right now id prefer to be single...and id prefer to just concentrate on making friends and getting healthy. Really what I want is company to go out to movies, dinner, the occassional pub night etc...Im not a huge person for the "scene" i really am a homebody...so the focus is no longer on getting a relationship but the focus is on building my social life and my happiness by getting healthy...dunno if that all makes sense...think it made a lot more sense in my head LOL

Off to the gym in the morning ... i been slack about it later....i get scared of falling off the treadmill...i really have to concentrate and have had some near misses so that puts me off...i prefer going when theres not many there. Id also like to do some classes but dunno if i would cope with them.

Well off to watch big brother...enjoy...............................

Went to see jenna my dietician today and the good news was my trainer teri had already spoken to her. Jenna had worked out my BMR is 12000kj and i was only having 5000 kj so they have put me on to their highest plan which is 7300 kj. It was good knowing teri had spoken to her cos i realise im not their only client but makes me feel like more then a number. Today i work 1pm-9pm then i am on leave for 10 days. Tomorrows a busy day...off to the gym in the morning...then off to do grocery shopping and eyebrows be waxed followed by a hair appointment at 1.45pm. Will have to set the recorder to tape TBL tonight. Okies just a quick one as busy busy...gotta go get dinner organised for work tonite...have a good day all :)

Well after feeling completely miserable yesterday about the weight loss am feeling somewhat better today. Had a appointment with my PT trainer this morning and when the alarm went off at 7.15am I so didnt want to get out of bed. Anyway i begrudgingly went...in the rain...buses going past all completely full..only just made it in time...anyway i then whinged to my trainer (lol she must think im such a delight) but anyway same thing i whinged about last week...i am fluctuating between 145 and 147 kilos. i told her i dont think its enough calories for me and she agreed that it may not be, and for me to discuss it with jenna my dietician tomorrow. She also said to me yanno you committed on paper to the gym so why dont u committ to me and jenna for 3 months and then if things arent working we will relook at it? So ive told her i will..hopefully jenna says that yeh i should try the 1500 calorie diet as well to see if it makes a difference.

So my date with M is set for 2pm on saturday afternoon, just meeting for coffee at one of my fave haunts in north adelaide - fellinis. So friday I have a appointment for my hair to be done, i will also pop on and get my eyebrows waxed as well and we will see how it all goes. We have been talking quite a bit online this week and we get on real well she has a wicked sense of humour...so no matter what im sure ill gain a friend.

Not a lot else going on...just gotta work today and tomorrow nite and then 10 days off - thank gawd !!! Off i go..

Well thanks for everyones comments and emails. Don't worry Im not giving up...foodwise I didnt have a great weekend with food...wasnt terrible but could have been better. I think once i get of working evening i will be a lot better. SO just 4 more days and then things will be much better. I worked till 11pm last nite and start work at 1pm today. Tonite Ill hopefully be in bed by 11pm and so can get to the gym before work. In regards to yesterdays post what I have decided is to eat more protein. I really do believe 1200 calories is not enough for someone of my weight. Im not gonna cut back anymore on my carbs as I have already reduced them heaps...when I lost my 26 kilos I was eating a lot more pasta and also white pasta/bread...now im eating good carbs...and they do recommend 5 carb servings a day which is what I am having...but i mite not have the carb in my morning snack and either add that to breakfast i have it with my dinner...so dont worry not giving up or anything like that....derailed for a few days....but todays a new day lol. Im also not gonna weigh myself till June 1...Im gonna ask jenna not to tell me my weight either,,,,will try this tactic and see how i go.

Gawd just started bucketing down...hope it stops within the next hour or so..not looking forward to going and catching the bus in the rain. Not too much else going on...have a good day all ! =]

Well im having a dilema. So ive been following fernwoods eating plan...its 1200 calories a day. Now i did it last year and seemed to lose weight. Doing it this time i dont seem to be,,,instead i am having fluctuations of up to 2 kilos. Now I remember my body when doing curves i only lost 700 grams in a 8 week period and the minute i stopped going to curves i went back to losing weight again. I cant get past it the scales are messing with my mind. Yesterday I was off track had a chocolate bar and about 7 hot chips. Now im wondering if the fernwood plan is too restrictive for my weight. If i was doing ww id be on 26 points...im gonna put a typical plan of food on the fernwood plan here in a minute and id be interested in feedback ive done a addup in my head and think its only around 20-22 points. So im wondering if i should try a few weeks on the ww plan...still attend the fernwood dietician and use that as my weigh ins but follow ww, i checked online and if i calculated right the BMR to stay at this weight is 3000 calories...i mean otherwise surely at this weight i should be losing? I understand maybe not losing big amounts but putting on weight doesnt make sense to me and its doing in my head...my only other thought is to go to the doctors and see what they think...okies heres a average day plan

Breakfast:
slice of multigrain bread
banana
glass of milk or yoghurt

Snack:
slice of multigrain bread with small amount of peanut butter

Lunch

2 slices of multigrain bread
30 grams of ham
salad
banana

Snack:
yoghurt

Dinner
1/3 cup uncooked pasta
60 grams of meat
vegetables

Okies would love some feedback ! The other thing is its pretty tight not much i can change and theres no allowance for treats...even like this fortnight working nites i cant have frozen dinners which would have made life so much easier !

Do I have news????

hmmmmmmm do i have news? do i? huh huh??? lemme think and ponder this a moment .... oh wait i think i do have some...now what the hell is it? Oh wait maybe its the fact i have a bit of a blinde date lined up for next weekend ! Well not really blind...ive seen her photo,,,shes seen mine...and so she asked me this morning if we can meet up...shes from the pink sofa and we have talked a lil for a few weeks..then last nite we talked for quite a while and discoverred we have a lot in common (we both like really bad music like the carpenters lol) so she then asked me if i would go out and meet her for a coffee and then when i said yes in the chat room goes "i got a date !" LOL was quite funny cos theres another chick in there from sydney still in her 20's whose been trying to chat me up and i kept telling her ... one your too young and two your too far away and she was there when this all happened...she said you must be good M cos kazz is a hard nut to crack lol. So i wont talk about it too much but i know if i wasnt back at the gym and eating healthy i just wouldnt have the confidence to do this. The bonus is she lives in the suburb next to me...and is 2 years older...so all quite good.

So she initially wanted to meet for coffee tomorrow morning but that was a bit too soon for me lol...so friday i will get my hair roots done...get it all blow dried nice and my eye brows waxed and mite go buy a new top too and we will see what the weekend holds ;)

Weight wise...the scales went up and i was pissed and yesterday over ate a lil (just on bread) but i kinda think it is working so will just persevere and not weigh myself for a few weeks. Okies off to do some work !

Well another early morning...the alarm went off way tooo early again...got up tho jumped on the scales and they had gone up ANOTHER 400 grams ffs i was a grizzlie lil bitch. Anyway i got dressed took my gym bag thought ill weigh in but no exercise today. But alas i walked in and there was my trainer on the front desk ... she knew i was weighing and said "gonna work out too?" i said i think so...and well the look said it all LOL so i went and saw my slim coach jenna...the scales had gone up...but she wasnt concerned. She was really impressed with my eating and i told her how teri got me now to up the grade on the treadmill and she seemed to think that was all good...she said dont focus on the scales focus on the fact your eating healthy and being active. Which made me feel a lot better. Truth be known my jeans are a lil looser around my hips and my skin is looking better so its all good. So i then went and got on that treadmill...had the speed at 4 and grading at 5 i was getting a good heart rate...then in the last 10 minutes...i leaned forward (didnt lean on the arm rests tho) was doing shorter steps on the balls of me feet...similar to a jog...dunno if id call it a jog but my heart rate sure as hell went up...it went up to 85% i couldnt do it constantly but i was doing it for a full minute. So when i go on saturday im gonna do 5 minutes walking 1 minute "the kazz jog" and continue that cycle for 30 minutes...i also wanna be there when the boxing class is on im gonna have a perv and try and see if i mite be able to handle the boxing class...so we will see.

This afternoon ended up at mums working on her computer....had to remove her piece of chit nortons and install firefox...all working good now.

ohhhhhhhhh and i have to say a big thank you to jaxx. Theres a lil blog award going round at the moment...you give the award to someone whose blog you enjoy. And mine was one that jaxx gave it to...so thank you jaxx !!!



And i am gonna give the award to Nats Journal I also read her journal...not only is she a inspiration especially when it comes to fitness shes a friend who supports me...which im so grateful for :)

Also...airlie...when you are in adelaide next email me or leave me a message..would love to meet up :)

Have a good nite all !

so tired..........

im so tired today...worked till 9.30pm last nite..came home...stuffed around for a whiel...went to bed then the alarm went off at 6.50am *ugh* i really had to drag myself out of bed. But i did .... went to the gym did 15 minutes on the cycle...the PT session...where i literally dragged ass...i mean when we did the stepper it was higher...and instead of holding for 5 seconds while doing squats i was holding for 15 seconds. I said to teri that i feel really tired and she said i seemed tired too...said it could be cos i hadnt done a PT session in the morning before. I then did 15 minutes on the treadmill. I discussed it with teri and shes suggested i increase the grade on it...as i was going up to a speed of 5.5 but i was only barely getting into the 60% range for my heart rate...i lowered the speed to 4 and increased the grade to 4 and my heart rate was getting much higher...so we set the plan for this week:

thrusday - cardio
friday - walk
saturday - weights and cardio
sunday - day off
monday - cardio
tuesday - cardio
wednesday - PT

so thats the plan...next step is whether i can stick to it LOL

Had a bit of a grumble today too...cos i jumped on the scales and they had gone up 400 grams. grrrrrrrrrrr i said to my trainer...whenever i exercise it goes up a day or two later...she said its not muscle cos my body is still transitioning...and said she can tell im thinking the exercising is making me gain...and i said yeh but i am still motivated its not changing anything...so anyway she said to wait until i see jenna tomorrow and then discuss it with jenna...so we will wait and see.

Not a lot else going on...have tomorrow and friday off...and seeing we worked the last 6 out of 7 days...really looking forward to it...okies off i go have a good day all =]

Another 900 grams bites the dust...

woo hoo weighed in... lost another 900 grams...taking me down to 144.7 kilos...which puts the grand total back at 26.2 kilos lost....so getting there again. And so 4.8 kilos by May 31...so if I average around 900 grams per week I will make it.

Had trouble getting to sleep last nite (bad nite at work) and was very sleepy this morning and really contemplating not going to the gym...but got my act together and headed off to the gym...did 20 minutes on the treadmill...10 minutes at a speed of 5 and 10 minutes at a speed of 5.5 then did 10 minutes on the bike...first time Id been on that for monthssssssssss ... interesting thing is my heart rate gets up higher on that then the treadmill...and then 5 minutes on the rower at level 9 (that bloody well killed me !) I then headed off to subway for one of their fit meals...had a chicken and salad ( no cheese !) 6 incher. The one thing im struggling with at the moment is working these evenings and having to prepare meals that i can bring to work...tonite i was slack and just picked up half a ceaser salad wrap..tomorrow i have a PT session at 8.30am then i will come home and whip up a chicken stirfry to take to work tomorrow nite. So all is going good. Will be glad tho for after next week when off these damn evening shifts - okies nearly time for some work - ciao all !!!!

Well helloooooooooooooooooo...another good day...foodwise. At work they were giving us all free muesli bars...without even thinking i nearly went and grabbed one...then stopped myself and thought nope "processed sugar" and didnt take one. The one thing I have been kinda bad with is hot chocolates...Im not usually a hot drinker but i have really got a taste for them and get a couple each week at work...they are made with just skim milk and cocoa so I dont think its really bad but Im not really sure if its ok too...so will run that pass Jenna on thursday. Didnt exercise today whoch is bad...but will do the 180 steps tonight and will actually increase to 200 steps. Tomorrow morning off to the gym, and wednesday morning a PT session.

I have decided with my weighing in i will weigh in on my scales each tuesday morning as my "official" weigh in...they are practically exact on with the gym scales but as I go to my slim session at any time of day it will add some regularity and i think that will help. So look out for a way in tomorrow.

Ive decided to cut back on the internet too lol...i usually use 3 chat programs...1 is the pink sofa...i rarely go in to chat...mostly log in to see if any chick has messaged me and to check out whats going on locally, one i log in to play gammon and the other is just habit forming. So the last one I have decided its well and truly time to ditch it...its really a waste of time...and not doing anything to get to my goals...the gammon one well its a good hobby to distract me from food and pink sofa well i think that good for me for "getting my life back" so tonite the other one i plan on deleting from my computer.

The 2 days I ahve got off this week coming off I need to go thru my clothes have told a friend of mine she can have the clothes i have grown out of. Some of them are really lovely...lots of katies clothes but she mite as well put them to good use.

Also my mobile number is changing...got on a new staff plan and meant a new number and i find out in a few days time if i am getting a new phone too...hopefully...its a nokia 6500 so has a music player attached and is so slim and cute !

Well sneaked a peek at the scales and they are moving in the right direction and I think I can confidently say I will have a loss this week...may not be big...but I am sure it will be a loss...I dont have my next slim session till thursday but I am sure I am gonna be a step closer to that mini goal of being under 140 kilos by the 31st of may. I am feeling really good...I am eating soooooooooooooo well...I dont think I have ever eaten this well...even with ww I have still treated myself...and I should treat myself just not with food. And I am feeling really good about that...this week the only treat has been 2 hot chocolates and 1 chocolate freddo frog...so I really feel great about that...it feels like I am getting the balance right. I am also starting to realise that the food is what will lose the weight but the gym will SCULPT it, and before I got sick exercising was killing me. I remember at the gym one day only doing 2 on the treadmill...this week I did 5 on the treadmill. So far this week I have exercised...tuesday, wednesday and friday and am going tomorrow morning thats 4 times for the week babii !!! Who woulda thought it...and every workout I been sweating my lil butt off. Ive even started to think about doing the odd class...was thinking body balance and maybe even boxing ... theres a saturday morning boxing class that goes for 30 minutes..so we will see. I didnt exercise today so tonite I pulled out the stepper and did 180 step ups while holding 1 kilo weights in each hand doing some basic movements. Not a big workout but every lil bit helps.

I am feeling better too...not so tired...going to sleep at night and eager to wake up for my new day...so right now the big focus is my friend tracys 40th. Some people going I have seen recently...some not for quite a few years and some well over 10 years..and so for some I will be the biggest they have seen me...but I am determined no matter what to look good. I wanna be in the 130's and I wanna look good...so thats the immediate focus.

Okies off to watch some tv - enjoy all =]

Afternoon all...saturday afternoon/evening at work - lucky me eh? lol

Im really impressed with how good I am being food wise...today for lunch I have a salad made up of diced tomato, diced red and green capsicum, diced salad onion, snow pea sprouts with sliced boiled egg and 2 slices of multigrain bread. Ive also got another piece of toast for one snack and also a banana and a diet yoghurt ! Dinner tonight is 2 chicken shaslicks and 1/3 cup cooked rice and salad...damn getting good eh? The scales had gone up when I went back to the gym (grrr thats frustrating) they went back up to 147.6 but this mornign they were back down to 146.8 so hopefully by thursday I will be under 145.6. I am really impressed with myself...the scales going up could be so tempting to say "f*** this" but I am so not even looking for a easy way out...I finally realise I gotta do the hard yards and I have maannaged to get thru this lil slump so feel really good about myself.

The blisters seem a lil better today. Tomorrow I am planning to go buy some good sports socks as I discoverred wearing cotton ones help you gain blisters (I so thought cotton ones were good for u kinda like cotton knickers LOL) I am also planning to go looking for the new biggest loser dvd...there is a beginners cardio low impact work out...so I figure that will be good for days I dont get to the gym...as I really wanna work out 5 out of 7 days as a minimum and getting to the gym isnt ALWAYS feasible.

Had a VERY strange dream last nite...I got this letter from Ang saying she was in australia at a army base (what the...???) and so I scurried off looking for a flight on the qantas website...even tho the letter didnt say what army base she was at LOL...very very strange...as I havent really thought about her off late...strangeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Well okie dokie...off to do some work