I have been doing a lot of thinking and need to come to some conclusions....firstly about my goals. You know back in 2006 i just wanted to lose weight and get my life back. Ive lost over 80 kilos....so tick i have done that. During that time I got down to 79 kilos...i was frustrated I didnt get lower. I still felt HUGE but i was in size 10 tops and size 14 jeans. I then preceeded to gain 12 kilos. I look back now and think....if I could get back there I would be happy. But its not about the number I want to get back too....its the clothing size. I want to be a size 10 on top....and at least down to size 14. When I got down to 79 kilos previously i ate 1400 calories, calorie cycled, i did LOTS of cardio and some very basic lifting....things like body weight training, viper, some machines, and pushing and pulling boxing bags around the place. Central to my training now is my PT sessions...these are unlike any PT sessions i have ever done before. They are different every session....they are heavy lifting (with olympic bars, dead lifts, bench press, chin up machine, every type of leg press machine in existence lol, kettle bells (i have used up to 32 kilos kettlebells!), the sessions also include some ab work and often things like walking lunges (holding 8-10 kilos dumbells),burpees, mountain climbers, pushups, planks etc etc. The last 2 weeks I have eaten 1400 calories a day calorie cycling like previously. I have noticed a few things...when I exercise (ie PT sessions) my weight fluctuates/increases...I realise this is due to my body retaining fluid to help with muscle repair. I have spoken to some people and researched it and due to the fact my PT sessions are never the same (and i like the fact they are never the same!) In the last two weeks....when im exercising and doing my PT sessions i am actually fluctuating/gaining weight....when I dont exercise....the weight just drops off me....its crazy. But what its making me think is that I really need to focus on what my goals are. I guess in my mind I have two goals at this stage. The first is aesthetically what I want my body to look like....I dont want to be skinny, I want to be fit, toned, healthy. I want to be that person that people look at and think "wow she works out"...I have excess skin....now theres two options with that...surgery...or "filling the skin" So while I want my body to get smaller....i also want to fill the skin with muscle....im kinda wanting two different things at once. And i think this is where my confusion has come from for a long time. So in my brain in relation to this i have two thoughts...i keep my PT sessions as they are regardless but if i decide to focus on getting smaller without focusing on muscle....i need to do cardio, cardio,cardio. The aim would really need to be to do an hours cardio 5-6 days a week. Or if its to focus on muscle which should also get me having fat loss...but the focus wouldnt be on the scales....i should theoretically get more compact....but not necessarily lower on the scales....if i decide to go down that path i would need to do at least one more weight session per week. And prolly no other cardio apart from maybe just trying to hit 10,000 steps per day so my "NEAT" increases. My other goal is to run...entering fun runs has always been a goal....theres so many fun ones....and there is also the goal of one day running a half marathon. And as I wrote that I think I have realised what I may want/need to do. I think on monday I will speak to my trainer...I think a huge focus on cardio plus my PT sessions is the direction to go in. I think if i do my workouts something like this, this week: saturday : bootcamp + 5km run sunday : monday : 30 mins PT tuesday : 60 mins running wednesday : 45 mins PT thursday : 60 mins running friday : Candices cardio circuit saturday : Bootcamp + 5km run sunday : I know a lot of people say....cardio and low calories will canibalise your muscle and will make your weight lifting a waste of time but I just dont believe that. I did a lot of cardio before and maintained a high level of lean mass. I want to give this a good go for 2 weeks. Not increase my calories leave them as is and see if this gets the scales moving....if it doesnt i might need to look at increasing my calories slightly to support the workouts. The reason I want to wait 2 weeks is my cycle is due over the next day or two....so this week I prolly will fluctuate but if i give it a full two weeks i can then see where i am at :) I am going to mention this to Candice monday night she may suggest some changes...and if still no good in 2 weeks time me and candice will have another chat lol ;)

I haven't posted for a few days...all going good tho :) I am sitting around 88.8 kilos on the scales. What I am noticing is the around the days I do my PT sessions my weight really fluctuates/stalls then if i dont exercise for 3-4 days i have a dramatic drop. I know this is most likely caused by fluid retention as my muscles repair...and ultimately I want this to happen....but since I have never done such heavy lifting before i am not sure if every session i do with the heavy weights will i fluctuate up to 500 grams or so...and if i do will i see the scales moving downwards....or will it eventually subside. I got told by someone who is very knowledgable since my PT sessions the workouts are different everytime i am getting stimulus to different muscle groups all the time so its quite likely i will constant have this fluid retention. Its not related to nutrition....so cutting back on sodium or increasing water wont make a difference I don't believe. The problem also is that it makes me not want to exercise...ive never lifted or done as intense PT sessions as I do now so it is all very new to me.

Tonight and tomorrow night no gym, but saturday i will be doing bootcamp. As of today I am looking like a 1.4 kilos lost this week - cannot complain about that. And a total of 2.7 kilos since I started the challenge nearly 2 weeks ago.

I have also decided my goal weight is 76-79 kilos ... so just 9-12 kilos i need to lose.

Gotta scoot - have a good day all!

Its all coming together

I am so good today it is not funny! :) The scales did a crazy drop of 1.2 kilos overnight...im like...OMG !! So while its not a official weigh in...in 8 days i have lost 2.5 kilos...cannot complain about that eh?

Yesterday I was suppose to do a bootcamp session at the gym...but i bailed. I have always had a issue with this group sessions at the gym (apart from classes) i just wanna exercise at my pace. I knew it was going to be a fitness test...and would be a beep test and then how many burpees, pushups etc you can do. The truth is...after being 173.1 kilos (380 pounds) i dont have the same mobility as someone else of my current weight. I cant even do the jump in that you do with burpees...so i do the "kazz version". After so many years of being bigger....i do compare myself....and i just dont want to do group things like that...my trainer asked me if i went....i told her no and why....hopefully she gets it and just drops it but i know she may still try and encourage me to attend these sessions. Truthfully this is one big reason why i do PT....cos there is no one to compare myself too....its one reason why i dont like being in the weights area....i just feel people will look at me thinking...she doesnt belong here and she is doing it all wrong....but despite all that...i feel good....i feel like its clicking what works for me.

I have watched a few episodes of extreme makeover weightloss edition this weekend. And there was one specifically where this girl did a marathon...so inspiring and it has reminded me how running has always been my goal. So i really wanna work on doing a few runs each week....two to three 5km runs to start off with would work....and hopefully i can work up to doing 10km runs on the weekend like i use too. I am also going to Sydney in a few weeks time...I was thinking....oh that will be a kinda lazy relaxing weekend....but u know...im not lazy so NO. I am staying in Pitt st....so in walking distance to the botanical gardens....so i think my mornings may revolve around a run and then a hot breakfast...might as well take advantage of the environment. Im going to do my utmost to not gain whilst i am away :)

Weigh in results

Well week one of the 12 week challenge is over and i lost 1.3 kilos :) Its not as much as I hoped....but looking at it now...im losing consistently so i am happy with that. That puts me by my scales at home at 90.2 kilos...I have a few fairly soon-ish goals...the first is to hit my 50% original body weight loss...i have 3.7 kilos to lose to get to that...I am hoping by the 6 week mark of the challenge to have accomplished that....the next challenge is..by the 6 week mark as well...i want to hit a 6 kilo loss for the challenge...that would have me at 85.5 kilos...they are both do-able the most challenging part will be when I go to sydney. I am going there for 3 nights on september 7...and sydney always involves lots of yummy food! But i feel very focused so hopefully it wont be too big a drama

Really not much else to say...all is good...its a cold, wet day here so i am spending it with my nose in you tube watching series 2 and 3 of extreme make over weight loss edition. Tomorrow i am planning to go to the gym for 45 minutes on the treadmill...have a good weekend all :)

Things are going good still :) Yesterday i weighed in at 90.6 kilos (was 91.5 kilos on saturday) and I wasn't convinced the 90.6 kilos was accurate....i then trained last night (you often have fluid retention after weight work) and was very happy to see I was 90.7 kilos this morning. I also then thought I would check some measurements...has only been a few days since last done...but the scale isnt reflect as much as I expected...it looks like my waist has dropped a couple of centimetres and my hips about 1 centimetres and my hips one centimetre and no movement on the bust lol. While i am not putting a lot of stock into it...its encouraging...even tho the scales are not moving heaps (lets face it i am eating only 1350 cals a day so significant movement is expected...and dont post...stop weighing...or you know fluctuations are expected...i know all that .... after 7 years i know better then anyone what to expect and not to expect of my body) the measurements seem to be so YAY :) My eating has been spot on...im just more accurate and more on track when i stick to a lower calorie range. Last night i was talking to candice at PT about it all...telling her what i may or may not do if theres not much movement over the next week....and she turned around and said "its crazy how much you know about nutrition - you should write a book" hahahahah ;) So yes I trained last night...was a tough workout....but i can really feel im much stronger...i dont have to stop mid exercise as much as i did previously....doing some exercises (like step ups onto a bench) holding a 20 kilo weight to my chest...so pretty damn impressed! I have also been swapping a few messages with someone on pink sofa. She is a runner....so never know...maybe we will make a date to meet up at some point in the future...so far she seems nice....but never know. Enjoy your day all :)

So the scales finally moved lol. After 3 days of being 91.2 kilos EVERY day they finally dropped to 90.6 kilos this morning. YAY. Ive been averaging 1350 cals a day so the weight should be dropping....and apparantly it is! YAY

Im surprised how easy i have settled into eating 1350 calories. It has been well over a year since i have eaten under 1500 calories. I had tried several times over the last year or so but never even lasted a day...id be peckish then read on MFP it wasnt enough food and so eat more. But today is day 4 and all going very good :)

Tonight I have PT for 45 minutes and ill do some running intervals for a warm up.

I do my first bootcamp session on saturday (not looking forward to that!) first session is apparantly a fitness test....beep test with max number of pushups, burpees etc you can do....dreading that! So friday will definitely be a rest day LOL

Not much else going on. Busy with work (as always)...enjoy your day all :)

So today I woke at 7am all wanting to go to the gym! Maybe the old me is coming back ;) So after breakfast and a lil bit of laziness I headed off to the gym...did 30 minutes of intervals on the treadmill..60 minutes body pump and then 60 minutes body balance....total of 812 calories burnt :) I then came home and after relaxing for all of 10 minutes for lunch LOL i started to prepare food for this week. I poached up three chicken breasts....so that is now all diced up in the fridge ready to be weighed out when needed. I then made soup...its their recipe for "trim soup"...its a soup with celery, onion, brocolini, chinese cabbage, cauliflower, garlic, lentils, cannelini beans and some herbs. Ive tasted it..tastes pretty good altho LOTS of chinese cabbage! LOL. Its suppose to do me for 4 meals...but I reckon I will get at least 6 meals out of it. So I prolly will have it for dinner most nights this week...no point wasting it! LOL

Tomorrow night i have PT...so depending what time i get to the gym 45-60mins of intervals...then 30 minute PT session.

So far today (and i am about to go to bed so no reason for this change) my eating has been perfect..and have eaten 1292 calories :) The scales were done 200 grams this morning...so hopefully a lil more tomorrow...I am aiming for a 3 kilo loss this week...not expecting to get it...but if I dont try I will never know!

Start of the challenge

So day 1 of my 12 week challenge :) Went to the gym this morning for all my weigh in etc. So my blood pressure was 121/85. Via the scales i weighed 93.3 kilos. My measurements were:

Chest 97.2cm
Mid arm (right) 33.6cm
waist 88.7cm
hip 132.7cm
mid thigh(right) 69.8cm

Pretty big numbers :( Not so long ago my waist was down to 79cms. I also had my measurements with the calipers for my body fat done...I THINK i may have dropped 1.9% in my body fat in the last month...but ill know more for certain this week. Also photo was taken of me in tight shorts and a crop top hahah omg!! But its all done. The next official weigh in will be at the 6 week mark...my goal is to lose 87.3 kilos by then so i got a crap load of work to do!

The other good news is i RAN on the treadmill today woooooooooooooooo :) I can start doing that again...cos those calorie burns always kick my ass. Tomorrow i have every intention of doing body pump and body balance. Then planning to jump on the treadmill for a bit...fingers crossed i drag my ass out of bed in time for that! LOL

So I weighed in yesterday and i lost 1.9 kilos :) so yay for that! My gym challenge starts on saturday...so saturday i have to go to the gym...get all my base scores...blood pressure, body fat %, scale weight, measurements and before photo done. The gym sent out the first weeks menu yesterday. For females its a 1300 calorie diet. I have been eating 1800 calories...i decided to start eating 1300 from today. I definitely think on 1300 cals a day i could hit 10-12 kilos lost over the 12 weeks. I will prolly try and follow there menu pplan for some of the lunch and dinners but not every meal. Their breakfasts are too time consuming and some dont look appealing at all (sardines on toast eck!) but there lunches and dinners look good...and there is 2 options each meal...vegetarian and non vegetarian. Officially the eating starts on monday and the first two days their "trim soup" (which i am figuring you make at home is just a vegetable soup) is what you eat more then anything...they do say that is to just get things moving...hopefully i dont mind it. Regardless ill stick to the 1300 cals a day. Possible i will calorie cycle down the track if i find i need a lil more food the days i train with candice (her sessions are very intense) - if that happens ill do 4 days @ 1200 cals, 2 days @ 1500 cals and 1 day @ 1300 cals and considering how well my body responds to different cals on different days thats a distinct possibility. I finally bought my weight lifting gloves...i got ones with wraps for my wrists. While my wrist recovered really well from the break i dont think its still quite 100% but its definitely improving so i didnt think that extra support would hurt. Not much else going on...some changes at work and my roster over the next few weeks is about to dramatically change but its all for the better! Enjoy all :)

Yesterday I baked. I made some mixed berry muffins which turned out pretty well. I also made a seed mix and some protein balls. The seed mix turned out good but the protein balls are a bit mushy and soft but they were freaking delishus...in fact too delishus lol...so i wont be making them again cos they were too morish.

After being 92.6 kilos last tuesday morning i was 90.1 kilos yesterdya morning but had gone up to 91 kilos this morning. Not overly surprised...when i get back on track i tend to lose really well the first week then i tend to either seem to be stuck or gain...before loses start again. So this gain is not surprising. Especially also considering i have VERY sore muscles from saturdays workout. My thighs and butt are killing me...wow she is mean. I have PT tonight so I am hoping she isn't too brutal to my legs. I did have a bit of a spell in my session on saturday where i didnt feel well. We thought it was either due to my low iron stores (i had just finished my cycle) or too much cardio before my workout. I think it was prolly related to my low iron as i slept for 11 hours saturday night...was obviously exhausted. But also i am going to try and do 10 mins less of my cardio workout to see how that goes. So a 25 minute wourkout tonight before PT.

Not really much else going on...hoping tomorrow my scales dont go up more tomorrow (bastards if they do lol) ... would be nice if i got down to 90.6 kilos as that would mean a 2 kilo loss.