I have been doing a lot of thinking and need to come to some conclusions....firstly about my goals. You know back in 2006 i just wanted to lose weight and get my life back. Ive lost over 80 kilos....so tick i have done that. During that time I got down to 79 kilos...i was frustrated I didnt get lower. I still felt HUGE but i was in size 10 tops and size 14 jeans. I then preceeded to gain 12 kilos. I look back now and think....if I could get back there I would be happy. But its not about the number I want to get back too....its the clothing size. I want to be a size 10 on top....and at least down to size 14. When I got down to 79 kilos previously i ate 1400 calories, calorie cycled, i did LOTS of cardio and some very basic lifting....things like body weight training, viper, some machines, and pushing and pulling boxing bags around the place. Central to my training now is my PT sessions...these are unlike any PT sessions i have ever done before. They are different every session....they are heavy lifting (with olympic bars, dead lifts, bench press, chin up machine, every type of leg press machine in existence lol, kettle bells (i have used up to 32 kilos kettlebells!), the sessions also include some ab work and often things like walking lunges (holding 8-10 kilos dumbells),burpees, mountain climbers, pushups, planks etc etc. The last 2 weeks I have eaten 1400 calories a day calorie cycling like previously. I have noticed a few things...when I exercise (ie PT sessions) my weight fluctuates/increases...I realise this is due to my body retaining fluid to help with muscle repair. I have spoken to some people and researched it and due to the fact my PT sessions are never the same (and i like the fact they are never the same!) In the last two weeks....when im exercising and doing my PT sessions i am actually fluctuating/gaining weight....when I dont exercise....the weight just drops off me....its crazy. But what its making me think is that I really need to focus on what my goals are. I guess in my mind I have two goals at this stage. The first is aesthetically what I want my body to look like....I dont want to be skinny, I want to be fit, toned, healthy. I want to be that person that people look at and think "wow she works out"...I have excess skin....now theres two options with that...surgery...or "filling the skin" So while I want my body to get smaller....i also want to fill the skin with muscle....im kinda wanting two different things at once. And i think this is where my confusion has come from for a long time. So in my brain in relation to this i have two thoughts...i keep my PT sessions as they are regardless but if i decide to focus on getting smaller without focusing on muscle....i need to do cardio, cardio,cardio. The aim would really need to be to do an hours cardio 5-6 days a week. Or if its to focus on muscle which should also get me having fat loss...but the focus wouldnt be on the scales....i should theoretically get more compact....but not necessarily lower on the scales....if i decide to go down that path i would need to do at least one more weight session per week. And prolly no other cardio apart from maybe just trying to hit 10,000 steps per day so my "NEAT" increases. My other goal is to run...entering fun runs has always been a goal....theres so many fun ones....and there is also the goal of one day running a half marathon. And as I wrote that I think I have realised what I may want/need to do. I think on monday I will speak to my trainer...I think a huge focus on cardio plus my PT sessions is the direction to go in. I think if i do my workouts something like this, this week: saturday : bootcamp + 5km run sunday : monday : 30 mins PT tuesday : 60 mins running wednesday : 45 mins PT thursday : 60 mins running friday : Candices cardio circuit saturday : Bootcamp + 5km run sunday : I know a lot of people say....cardio and low calories will canibalise your muscle and will make your weight lifting a waste of time but I just dont believe that. I did a lot of cardio before and maintained a high level of lean mass. I want to give this a good go for 2 weeks. Not increase my calories leave them as is and see if this gets the scales moving....if it doesnt i might need to look at increasing my calories slightly to support the workouts. The reason I want to wait 2 weeks is my cycle is due over the next day or two....so this week I prolly will fluctuate but if i give it a full two weeks i can then see where i am at :) I am going to mention this to Candice monday night she may suggest some changes...and if still no good in 2 weeks time me and candice will have another chat lol ;)