Life is good

Luscious days off i love em ! I have today off...then finish 3pm friday and dont work again till 11am monday PLUS i have wednesday and thursday off ! woot yay for annual leave and also yay for someone doing a shift swap so i can be "normal" this weekend and have a weekend off.

Monday i was off work with stomach aches...was a familiar pain to when i had the attacks last year so i took the side of caution...doc said my bowel was spasming...but seems fine now. I also asked him about the burning on my soles and he said my feet are flat and i prolly need more support in my shoes. But he also suggested i see a podiatrist so thats something ill do soon.

Yesterday at work jaimee and i were making plans for lunch (we were planning to sit outside then get a 20 minute walk in) anyway i said to her...well i gotta heat my lunch....and shes like .... what u got? and im like pasta with chicken in light evap milk with semi dried tomatos and spinich...she just looked at me and said listen to you...you are so different to what u were like a year ago...ur like a different person....then as we got up to go....she looks at me and goes...oh and those jeans are getting way loose ! lol what a lil ego boost =]

I logged into my work emails earlier today to see they have dispatched my $300 coles myer voucher ! woo hoo i see new clothes in my future. Tomorrow i finish work at 3pm then have to head out to the gym for a PT session...then shower and change and head out to ingle farm to meet some friends for din din. This weekend nothing is planned yet...but with luck i will get up to something.

Measurements and weighing in is on saturday,,,,so i will be back then with the results...not expecting any huge results...but we will see...!

Moods..

Last night after dinner...sat down and got in one of my "moods" i seem to get in these quite regularly on a friday or saturday nite (most weekends since ive started at the gym) altho i didnt get them last weekend...n i started wondering why its been happening since i started at the gym...i think before that i was miserable...i worked...slept then worked some more...so my moods were obviously quite low but they were consistent...now im out having some good times....so when it hits me its prolly more obvious. I did start to wonder last nite if its the depression creeping back but i dont think its anything more then being lonely. Which is a huge thing for me to admit lol. Generally as a rule the fact i live alone doesnt bother me...im quite content with it and use to it on a day to day basis...but i guess its more that ive hermitted myself for so long. I am getting out there meeting more people...but im still in a transition stage...in someways it would be quite easy to just revert back to my hermit ways...its the easy option...but its not the option i want. I wanna be going out on the weekends...i wanna meet someone....and i wanna have a good bunch fo friends to hang out with...a lot of the things that so many others take for granted. The good thing tho is when its happening im not wanting to go have takeaway etc as much...happened last nite and i ate my normal dinner didnt eat afterwards...so cant complain about that. Then of course i wake this morning feeling fine and everything back to normal.

My dietician wants me now tracking my exercise. I have a real sneaky suspicion when i go in next week shes gonna put the hard word on me going to the gym 4-5 times per week lol...dang it ! But it needs to be done i guess so fair enough...now that im feeling better on the treadmill its not as big a deal...i last about 30 minutes but the last 5 -10 minutes my soles burn which is a pain...i prolly really should be looking at doing classes...and doing them regularly like body pump...but in reality im a big chicken chit ! lol

Okies not much else going on...back to work (working on a sunday should be outlawed!)

Fun day out and about !

Well what a LONG but fun day today has been ! I started work at 7am and worked thru till 1pm (this was the boring part lol) then we jumped on a bus and headed out to wayville showgrounds for our rewards & recognition day (r&r). Walked in grabbed a glass of wine....then went into the hall for a presentation...heres the hall




Then we went out the back in the sunshine (okies too much sunshine im a lil burnt!) where there was food, drinks (including cocktails), massages, temporary tattoos, icecreams etc. Dave hughes from the rove show was MC (he came over to me and my friend jaimee to chat at one point...hes just like he is on tv) and then VANESSA AMAROOSI PERFORMED !!! After she sang i even managed to get my photo taken with her....ignore my huge arms but heres the photos....




Here she is with me, david, jaimee, and colin



Here is a photo of me, jaimee and colin



And Here is me, jaimee, colin and david (Lots of photos today lol)




It was a fun day, at the moment my feet ache, im a lil sunburnt and ill sleep like a log tonite ! There was a professional photographer there too...he took a few photos of us so once they upload them at work ill add them here. The other great thing was i had several comments about how well im looking...and jaimee even said to me...you look so different to a year ago...and i dont just mean weight...the way u are with people its like a different person....so i think we can say was a great day !

Days off...

Ahhhh days off...gotta love em ! I had yesterday and today off...go back tomorrow and then i work 8 out of 9 days ugh..but i did then put in for a few days off so i should *fingers crossed* have 4 days off. Tomorrow at work we have our O-Fest, which is a celebration. I start work at 7am and only work till 1pm....then we head out to wayville showgrounds...last year when they held it they had a hyponotist....that chick karin who use to appear on rove was mc...free drinks....free food...etc...went to the gym today and told my dietician...she wa like...limit it to 2 alcohol drinks and 2 small serves of snack food...altho obviously going for healthier foods...following that we are going to the goodwood pub for drinks to say farewell to my fave dork .... ryan.

The girl i met for coffee back in may since the dance has become very attentive towards me....last nite she was very full on. I mentioned it to a friend...and how i think some of her comments are innappropriate and i have a feeling she talk to max about it.

I think the gym wants me attending more....my dietician wants me writing down when i exercise as well as my food from now on...when i said buy to my personal trainer on tuesday she was like...when will u be back in....and when i left today and tuesday coralie (the manager) both times was like when u coming in next lol DAMN they keeping a eye on me...so need to get active with all this exercise stuff. I am finally now more confident on the treadmill today i had it up at level 5 ! Which for me is good...10 weeks ago i couldnt even do 3.7 it was just too fast for me...so thats much better...i quite like the treadmill the only thing about it is that i get burning on the soles of my feet...i could prolly last 45 minutes if it wasnt for that.

Okies time to cook dinner...off i go....enjoy ur weekend all =]

Good morning !

Well good morning all. Got today and tomorrow off yay but followed by working 8 out of 9 days blah. So whats been happening...let me see if I remember everything lol...

Every 8 weeks or so at work we have a one on one...which is a session with our team leader who tells us how were going...what we need to work on etc, as we have a acting team leader at the moment we had it with him. So i had mine yesterday....as to how im going all is fine as per norm but then he asked how im finding things .... so i told him...more then what i will put on here...anyway the gist was im not happy with the work were currently doing (and he understood why and completely agreed with what i was saying) anyway i told him the thought of leaving is there...so he said would u be interested working in another dept? He was like we definitely dont wanna lose u from the company...so i told him yes the dept id be interested in working in...and he told me he knows someone in there and hes gonna make some calls...even if theres no positions he gonna try and arrange a time for me to go in there (its in the city) and see the department and meet some people...so thats a positive. My friend Joe came back to work on monday...him and his partner tony just got back from 3 weeks in thailand and they bought me back a present ! its a lovely pink thai silk scarf.....so so so nice. Was good talking to Joe too...i told him about what i was thinking about work....and he was like ummm kazz....u prolly feel like this cos u dont go out enough...and u havent had a holiday for ages. And he is right. Of course i am off to melbourne in january and im thinking sydney (my fave place!) in april. Okies he also mentioned i need sex too hahahah but thats another story lol.

Since the dance my head has been full of lots. Its been amazing my whole...different thinking process now. Have I heard from any of the girls? yes i have. Robyn who gave meher phone number on saturday nite ive spoken to online each nite since...just casual fun chat. Anyway last nite she said do u wanna come into a MSN chat with me and dayne (her best friend) i was like sure...so shortly after going into the chat dayne asks me if i wanna come out dinner next thursday night with all of them? I of course said yes....im not interested in jumping into a relationship or anything...but i am interested in becoming friends with robyn and her friends and then wait n see what happens...so this is a good step =] i wont mention after telling jaimee about the dance she is now calling me princess skank ! LOL

DId a PT session last nite...i got a bit dizzy again...but me and my trainer think we have figured out why. One of the exercise i am working my pelvic muscles and i am bent at the hips while doing it...and we think i havent been focussing enough on breathing....for some reason i find this hard when exercising...im glad we know why now and can work on it. We were then doing squats against the wall and i was watching the clock and she said to me ive never had another client who watches the clock lol she said most people dont like to watch the time lol Okies thats enuff ... todays a big house cleaning day.....need to finish watching today then get on with it...enjoy your day all =]

What a night !

Okies firstly thank you to everyone who asked me late last nite or this morning how the dance was....to put it in one word it was FANTABULOUS !!!

Okies let me go thru the past couple of days...friday at work was horrendous was the worse day ive had there for a long time ... im a lil over the place to be honest but its paying the bills so thats all im concerned about LOL

Saturday morning i woke up....and my first thought was...what if i go to this dance...and feel like a complete wall flower and out of place as per normal...whats this gonna do to my motivation? So anyway up i got...went to the gym....saw the dietician...we had a chat about where i am at and where going forward i need to go. My food is completely under control...as she said i am in the zone...its now time to focus on attending the gym more.

I then left the gym and went home for a few hours before heading to have my hair done. Which they did a fab job with, the dance started at 8pm and 7pm i started getting ready...had a shower then opened a small bottle of champagne LOL then at bloody 7.20 pm felicity texts me and says meet us at this address...so i run around like crazy...get the taxi here a bit earlier and turn up at a house for someone i dont know ! lol (thank gawd id had that champagne to relax lol) anyway felicity came out and met me....we went in and she introduced me to 4 girls who are working on a social group for lesbians in adelaide called S4 and one of them was the hotchick...they are a really great bunch of girls...so much fun. We then went to the dance...and this was funny....reminded me of some of the things i like in a relationship. I sat down at the table HC (hot chick) came and sat next to me...asked me if i wanted one of my drinks i was like yes (was in their esky) so she grabbed it out....peeled the outer wrapper and took the lid of and passed it to me...i love that LOL i dunnno if its that i like bein pandered or what but i remember ang use to open all my drinks too and always liked that lil habit lol Anyway i ended up dancing quite a bit with HC but she danced with the others too...i dont think she is interested (and besides my friend felicity is HOOKED on her) but at one point she was like come on lets dance...she grabbed my hand and then held it as we got to the dance floor...when she dances...she doesnt dance lil girls do in a nite club...she like holds ya LOL...like her hand on my hips my hand on her shoulder etc and when we would pull apart she would grab both hands and we'd be linking fingers....now i dont know if id say it was romantic or anything i dunno if she links fingers etc with others when she dances....but i LOVED it...its been a long time since ive felt a level of closeness like that with a lesbian but i loved it...i danced my lil ass off. After we had been there for a while felicity comes up to me and says "noddi wants to meet u" (noddi is the chat name of someone from pink sofa) so i follow felicity outside where a bunch of girls from pink sofa were...some i knew ... some i didnt .... and felicity introduced me to noddi (okies gonna call her by her real name...which is robyn)we talked for quite a bit...then i went inside...and sat at their table...robyn came over and sat next to me and we talked some more...then a friend of hers asked for her phone number....then she wrote down her real name and the number on a piece of paper...and slid it over to me and said....heres my number for u karyn....wow .... totally blown away at this point...so i added it to my phone...asked her if she wanted to dance...she then told me she doesnt dance but i got up and danced some more...so the rest of the nite i flitted between the group HC was with and the group robyn was with lol...anyway robyn left by about 11pm as she had to play cricket today. Then omg theyfound a bag of ice and i got told my cleavage was too good and needed ice down it LOL...oh yeh can u tell there was lots of laughing and fun last nite? lol Then by the time the dance finished at midnight....about 8 of us went back to one of the girls place where we just all chatted and listened to some more music. (ummmm and a neighbour threatened to call the cops lol)Later in the evening felicity came over to me and said...do u like robyn? i was like...yeh shes nice....and shes like she likes you....i was like i dunno about that and shes like yeh she does so we will wait and see what happens on that front. What was really interesting is in the past when me and felicity have gone to these dances....we have sat at a table...danced occassionally and stuck by each others sides (prolly leading to some people to wonder if were a couple) but that so didnt happen last nite. We were both off talking to others...we still spent some time together and had a few dances...but i think it was good for both of us...i certainly was a bit of a social butterfly and absolutely loved it !

So am i motivated still with the healthy lifestyle? you betcha ! more then ever, i would never have had the confidence to just relax like that if i hadnt been going to the gym. The next dance is 13th december...i want by that dance to be in a size smaller in my jeans...i will buy a size smaller in the next week or so....and its time to ramp up the exercise and finish reclaiming my life ! Oh and heres a couple of pics...didnt realise my face was still so big,,,,and not great photos...but they aresome photos all the same ! Have a good sunday all...im off to finish recovering from this lil hangover lol....

Getting prepared for the dance !

Afternoon all. Yay the week is half over its wednesday.

Had a PT session last nite...we started a new program...and OMG....it killed ... it was really hard. Lots of squats, squats against a wall and holding...squats holding on to a bar,,,u name it...i squatted it ! lol

The dance is saturday nite. I have booked in to get my hair straightened saturday afternoon. Thursday night I am going shopping hopefully I will find a nice top to wear...if not saturday morning before the gym I will check out katies and myers. A girl who is going to the dance has sent me a few messages...shes a friend of felicitys...and she asked felicity if i am going to the dance last weekend. I also got invited out by 2 groups of people before the dance ! One is some of the girls i chat to in pink sofa chat room i ahve met a few of them at previous dances...they have asked me out for dinner...also this friend of felicitys (for arguement sake lets refer to her as hot girl lol) has invited me and felicity to pre drinks at a friend of hers place. So its all quite exciting and I am looking forward to a fun fun fun night!

Okies not much else to say !

Time to move on !

Well...so today was measuring day ! And TA DA in the last 22 days ive lost ANOTHER 20 centimetres thats nearly a centimetre per day ! go me !! i was stunned to say the least. I was hoping for a total of 5 centimetres...and as my dietician is measuring me shes like....are your clothes starting to fall of you? and me being me was sitting there blabbing away about my jeans now sit on my hips and not my waist when she tells me i have lost 20 centimres ! I was gobsmacked to say the least ! But so so so happy ! I also set me a "number on the scales" goal...as most know i dont focus on the scales anymore...but i have not got below 145 kilos for months ! (prolly 6 months) and one of my goals has been....to be under 145 kilos by the dance next saturday nite...im not far of it...and am kinda expecting it tomorrow or monday morning ! I also start a new program with my trainer tuesday night. Tha also means in 8 weeks i have lost a total of 46 centimetres !

Earlier this week at work jaimee turns around to me and says...kazz your not allowed to flirt with dan (he is our acting team leader for a few weeks) so i turn around and go i dont flirt...and shes like omg yes you do...you flirt with all the guys except you do it in this real innocent way cos your not actually interested. So i turn around to Ryan and say are you hearing this? Jaimee says I flirt (mind you i didnt think i KNOW how to flirt) and Ryans like....yeh you do. This lil bit of trivia has had me gob smacked all week...cos ive always thought i dont know how to flirt...but maybe i do...lol. Ive also discoverred a few things this week. Yanno I am a all or nothing type of person. I am either completely single or completely immersing myself with finding someone (online or not) and I had been thinking theres 2 paths in the road for me to choose...i can choose to immerse myself in a online life...which is easy to do...i dont lack in "girls" attentions online can eat wat i want...be fat...not look after myself...wouldnt matter...or i could try to get that real life get out there and do stuff and work on getting a girlfriend i thought these were my ONLY two options. Then last nite im in the pink sofa chat room with a bunch of girls talking about being single etc...and a friend said...I LOVED BEING SINGLE I HAD SO MUCH FUN...that one phrase has been in my mind since...and earlier today...i think something clicked. Yes i dont want a online life...but also i dont have to have a girlfriend tomorrow...it wont make me unsuccessful...but what i need to start doing is stop acting like a old married woman. Nothing against married women but hellooooooooooooooo im not married ! I am single...and I may be 40 but theres nothing saying I am not entitled to live the single life and enjoy it. I need to realise hell yeh i can flirt and from reports i am pretty good at it...i need to embrace more people and friendships...i need to start making plans for catchups with people i meet on the pink sofa...and catching up with some ole friends i have let fall by the way side. I need to stop telling anyone who listens "im old" i need to rip these walls down and yeh maybe ill get rejected ... maybe ill get rejected a lot but guess what i am gonna have fun while i get rejected ! I am going to go to this dance this weekend...i was asked by a few girls to meet before hand for dinner and i said YES and then i am gonna go...and im gonna smile...and im not gonna sit at the table and watch everyone im gonna dance my lil (well its getting littler!) ass off...have a couple of drinks...smile at girls...and maybe even talk to one or two ! Its done with...this whole f**king mourning perios or whatever that has been going on since i split with ang is dont with...im over it...im ready...to move on....and get my life back and stop watching it pathetically pass by. Im also going to email feast tomorrow and ask them when i can go in and do some office work there (gonna do a half day on one of my days off)...

Okies thats enuff for one nite...

i feel good !

Well the new hairdo seems to be a success. When ryan picked me up tuesday morning he screamed (lol just like a girl) and then i had so many people at work compliment me on it...on both the colour and the fact I now have a fringe....and even today 4 people who commented on tuesday about it have said today it really looks good and so shiny...so im very very happy. And this of course is making me start to feel really confident. Ive been doing a bit of selftalk...when I talked to my dietician the other day i told her one of my goals and motivations is to eventually be able to meet someone....and she talked to me about it and about how i DESERVE it...so i have been trying to talk to myself in my crazy lil head more about i deserve it...instead of when theyre are offers to go out of thinking no...ill just be the fat girl instead thinking...NO i DESERVE a nite out...and chit i work 40 hours a week i think i do deserve it !

The scales were up about 600 grams today but my clothes feel looser :) My jeans are sitting lower on my hips...and they actually feel comfortable now. So i actually feel really good today. Its been about 9 weeks now...im still going strong. Sure i aint lost heaps in kilos...(around 6 i think) but i know the centimetres are coming off and thats the main thing. Saturday i get measured again...im aiming for a total loss of 5 centimetres. I am also going to be a gel seat pad for the bike and try to start using the bike more...im not great on the treadmill and the only way to get my heart beat up more really is to increase the speed which scares me or increase the gradient (at 6 the other day felt like i was going to fall off it) Saturday morning tho after my dietician session i am planning to do a body balance class which goes for a full hour. Not much else going on this weekend all tho I may venture to the movies...okies off to do some work enjoy ur day all

OMG is that a social life I see???

well had a few interesting days. I have made plans to go to the golden dance...thats on the 18th...am meeting up with felicity and we are sitting on the S4 table (lesbian social club here in Adelaide) and then tonite for the first nite in absolute months i logged into the pink sofa chat room...and there was a friend i have caught up with a few times at the golden dance in the past...she wanted to know what i was doing on the 17th (yes the night before the dance)..advised her i was not working and free ( well not FREE in the monetary sense of course !) so she is getting a bunch together to go out on that nite...to some new club at HQ (I am so out of the loop i have no idea so just nodded LOL) or the crazy horse (ummm ok thats a strip joint OMFG!!!) but anyways regardless it will be fun...theres about 7 people going...and i know 3 of them...so i shouldnt feel too out of it. Then there is the dance on saturday nite...i have had someone message me who me and felicity spotted at the last dance...not sure why she has messaged me...but her and felicity are friends and she is organising the table we will be sitting at for the dance...im sensing a good weekend coming up, and of course next sunday arvo i am off to the volunteer introductory session for feast...where i plan to volunteer during november... okies...well that was a exciting lil update...can we say life is looking up...and in the words of my dietician...life is good and i feel happy and i DESERVE that....ciao chickas till next time !

Oh Im slack....

Firstly thank you to everyone who left comments about the job...I had the phone interview today and can we say "she rambles a hell of a lot"? Its close to 8 years since ive had a job interview and I dont feel I handled it very well...supposedly if you got past this stage of the testing then you get a call back from close of business tomorrow nite. I am not expecting a call in all honesty. Am i upset? No not really...i figure if i am meant to work there Ill get it...if im not meant to then i wont...no dramas. I have established tho that I hate job interviews lol anyway will know by tomorrow nite whether I move on to the next stage...if i dont i think i will look out for a job in the city with optus...the fact of how close I am to my long service leave is a factor.

Onto weight loss...how has it been going? Well not great the last week...I havent been eating junk food but not following things appropriately and havent been to the gym. I think what does my head in all the time is the whole length of how long this will take...but to be honest i need to build a bridge and get over that issue. I have a dieticians appointment at 7am tomorrow morning (yes gawd 7am!!!) and i was so tempted to just blow it off..but no...i will go...and after ive been i will get on that treadmill and do 30 minutes. I think also I just need to start doing classes and start pushing myself. I really wanna be under 135 by the time I go to melbourne so its time to really focus.

Okies I wrote the above like 5 days ago and never posted it LOL

Okies...so wats been happening? saddddddddddd sadddddddddddddd news ryan is leaving me ! Ryan is my best bud at work and he has a new position in the company...so now i will be left to bug him via facebook (gotta love technology) but I am real sad about it...hes such a good friend. One of my friends said when we found out..."how will you cope you are like twins?" so its gonna be a very sad kazz on 17th october =[

I went back to the gym yesterday. Had a huge chat about my head with my dietician. I was telling her about how i find i can lose 20 kilos quite easily cos ive done that about 4 times in the past but then something happens. And she has asked me if I am worried about the attention I would get if I lost say 40 or 50 kilos. And at the time i was like ugh i dunno...but more so then that (cos lets face it...i am a bit of a attention seeker!) its prolly a lack of confidence of keeping the weight OFF...and then becoming the centre of attention for all the wrong reasons and also if i lost 50 kilos and was still single...i would be then left to think holy crap must be something else wrong with me !

I had my hair cut and coloured yesterday and omg i have a fringe ! Im not positive getting it cut into a fringe was a wise decision but it can always be grown out. I also went a slightly lighter colour. Before the golden dance in a few weeks I plan to go to the hairdressers and get them to blow dry it and then i will take a photo before going out that nite.

hmmmm okies not much else....get to see the lilest princess tomorrow...shes down in adelaide with her mum to see dora no less ! lol