Foxy Challenge - Day 6

So day 6 and the thing I am finding most interesting is how my cravings have subsided. I think this comes down to one primary thing....restricting bread and eating better grains. I have still had things like soft wraps, barley, oats....so im still having good grains but not eating bread or eating a lot less I think has a lot to do with my cravings subsiding. So since monday I have eaten 4 slices of bread...it actually wasnt part of the foxy menu plan....but considering the bread-aholic i normally am I am very happy with that.

This morning I went to body pump. It was a hour long class. And it felt a lot better then when I did pump 4 weeks ago....so I really feel my endurance is improving....no difference in the weights....but I just felt I coped better.

Tomorrow I am working...just doing some overtime for making up when i was sick the week before last.....jsut working 10 till 4.30pm and I will go for a walk in the evening. Today and thursday I rolled out my calve and it seems to be helping my achilles....the big test will be how it copes walking tomorrow. Then monday I am off...I will go in and do pump and balance at lunch time and then a PT session of weights that night....its a lot in one day but I dont get week days off often so might as well make the most of it.

Enjoy your saturday night all :)

Foxy Challenge - Day 5

Well today has been a good and bad day. Up to about 3pm my eating was not good. Come lunchtime I realised I need the accountability of weighing in front of someone so I have signed up for food coaching....starting April 8. I then started thinking about my latest excuse "im not fit enough for the gym" so time to just get thru it all even if i dont enjoy it currently. So tomorrow morning i am going to the gym and doing body pump and body balance.

Next weeks fitness plans are:

Monday:pump and balance (lunchtime) + pt weights (evening)
tuesday: RPM
wednesday:6km walk
thursday: PT boxing
friday:pump (im going to try and make that) if not 45 minutes on treadmill
saturday:rest day
sunday:7km walk with tania

I have found some food combos i have rather liked on this challenge. My fave breakfast is greek yoghurt, goji berris and almonds. A fave snack has also been a banana and 12 almonds. I just have to keep working on making good choices everyday.

Foxy Challenge - Day 4

Well things are going very well so far!! Food has all been on point and most importantly my mindset feels really good. I feel a sense of ease...im not sure if its the anti depressents starting to work (I am sure that is part of it) ....and its making me realise how good my life actually is :)  I think I am more proud of the mindset more then anything!

I had PT tonight... we did boxing and I could feel my fitness is improving. It was a real solid workout but I felt very capable...even Hayley commented how well I did tonight...she did mention I barely grumbled LOL I then told her I weighed this morning (I am down 2.5 kilos from monday) she turned around to me and said "you will win" i was like lol...I dont come to the gym enough to win...she then told me at her last gym....the top 3 members in the foxy challenge were all her clients lol *pressure*

As I think I have mentioned before i am not concerned with "getting the most points" in this challenge...what i am interested in is creating habits....getting back to clean eating like i use to do...and work towards getting to goal weight. The only real competition is with myself being better today when I was yesterday :)

Thanks for reading all! :)

Foxy Challenge - Day 2

Well day 2 of the challenge is nearly over :) This morning I was 2.1 kilos down....yay! I have stuck the gym....only thing I didnt do .... was LOL....they came around work with lindt chocolate balls....i freaking love those things! lol So i did have 2....(158 calories total)...then they came around with malteezers which I said no too. But I feel very impressed with me.

I havent been to the gym as much as I could I guess. There is a point component for gym attendance...Im not too focused on that tho....I am only concerned with getting weight loss results :) For me its not about a competition (well apart from the competition with myself)....this is a stepping stone for getting to goal for me. Its setting down habits so I can continue to be healthy for the rest of my life.

A pic of tonights dinner....mexican beef salad :)

Foxy Challenge - Day 1

So day 1 went a treat! Im impressed with me :) I took before pics and weighed in....126.1 kilos - eek! I am hoping to be 122.1 kilos or lower next monday morning.

I stuck to the food 110% it was all pretty delishus. Then went to the gym and did 30 minutes on the bike and then a PT session with hayley. It was mostly weights and then right at the end we did some HIIT on the rower....5 minutes.....30 seconds going hard...then 30 seconds slower....and repeat for 5 minutes lol...it was killing my legs and lungs the last minute! lol

Tomorrows plan is hopefully i will make it in time for RPM...if i dont make it a time i will prolly do pump or just walk on the treadmill for 45 minutes (dependant on how sore i am)

I also drank in excess of 2 litres of water....and lived in the toilet hahaha...i even told my boss cos i was worried he would think i was just nicking off to the toilet to bludge LOL.

Also the goal for the end of the 12 weeks is 12 kilos lost. So the aim is 114 kilos :)

Preparation

So tomorrow is day 1 of the foxy challenge and I am all prepared! All food bought....protein balls made....snacks prepared.....lunch organised. Exercise plan organised.

I am completely pumped and my headspace I believe is in the right space. It will be a big week this week...I am hoping to fit in some overtime as well as get to the gym at least 4-5 times this week...so its going to be a busy week!!

I have taken the before photos. Tomorrow morning is weigh in day. My goal for the first week is to lose 4 kilos...will have to be 120% on track for that and I will be.

Have a fantabulous healthy week all :)

Anxiety

So I have had a rough few days.

I have thought for a while I need to be back on antidepressants and prolly need to see a therapist. When I say a "while" I mean prolly over the last 6 months. But over the last 6-8 weeks I felt the time had come. The reason was not the weight gain, but more about my attitudes, wanting to hermit away, lacking interest in anything too much.

Anyway over the weekend I had a lil financial glitch. It was nothing overly major. But it flared my anxiety up to the point monday morning I woke up with sore eyes and a headache so I called into work sick. Monday night I barely slept. I rang the back tuesday morning....got it sorted out (where they told me it was highly unlikely to be a issue) and then as often happens when stress starts to leave me i got a migraine. I then had to go to the doctors....I turn up at the doctors and i am literally sweating...my tshirt is actually damp and i feel like i am going to faint. I felt awful. My doctor wanted me to take the week off....but I cannot afford that so compromised and said i would have today off but go back on thursday. He has put me back on zoloft, and i have a appointment on the 23rd to set up a mental health care plan to set up appointments with a therapist/psychologist.

Today I feel better. I still have a slight headache...but I am up not in bed...doing a few bits and pieces....so needs to be a big focus on my mental health. By focusing on that I think my physical health will improve too. So takes at the most 3 weeks to be effective....if not effective after 3 weeks i will double the dose.

Through out this...miraculously my eating has been better then ever (lol) and I think the foxy challenge has come at just the right time. Exercise for my mental health is going to be more important then ever.

I will be glad to be going back to work tomorrow...Getting back and being busy will help. As I have had a few sick days Ill try and do some overtime next week...not this week or weekend ill alow myself to recover...but the following weekend i have a 3 day weekend so i will prolly work on the saturday.

My focus has changed...

I took the week off from "dieting". I have no idea what the scales say...but will weigh in tomorrow morning. The thing is something has changed.

I had coffee with Martine this afternoon, I was explaining the foxy challenge starts on the 16th (a week tomorrow). I am getting back on track as of tomorrow. And between now and the end of the foxy challenge I want to get under 110 kilos...(I suspect thats about 15 kilos) but more important then that I want to get to the point of being fit enough of doing 2 group fitness classes (body pump and body balance) one after another....thats the aim. I know from experience...if I focus on the fitness the rest will click into action too. I am still very focused on being double digits by xmas time.

I feel a lot of emotional stuff I have put into perspective in recent weeks. There is nothing I have done in my past I regret....and I cannot control anyone elses actions....if anyone else did anything I didnt like...well that was their option to do...nothing i can do about those ... they are actions they had to live with....Im a good person....in a good place in my life....with my focus, my passion...to become the healthiest and fittest lesbian I can be LOL....things are good and will only get better!

Weigh in

Today is turning out to be a good day :) No work today so i slept in. I wasnt hungry when i woke so breakfast was just a banana and peanut butter (yum!). For lunch i made a low point version of carbonara which I have made many times before its from the site http://adashofflavour.blogspot.com.au/ and yummy...i also beefed up the vegies content by adding baby spinach to it...it was super yummy. That site belongs to a friend Jo...i havent looked at it for a long time...think i need to get back to checking it out more regularly!

Then I prepped some chicken. Took a chicken breast...sliced it vertically and horizontally to give me 4 pieces....and then marinated it in lemon juice, garlic, salt, cracked peppercorns....i made it the other week too...super yummy. I will bag 3 of them up and put them in the freezer for later in the week or next week...and one piece ill have tonight in a salad with spinach, semi dried tomatos, feta, avocado and cucumber.......yum yum :)

I feel good today....in a good place....hopefully it is the start of things.

Tomorrow night PT session....its not till 7pm...so i think ill go in do RPM....then do the PT session...i think i can handle that and am planning to go out for a 5km walk this afternoon/evening....slowly, slowly i am increasing my exercise....it will be a long road to getting it back to where it was a few years ago.

Oh nearly forgot..i was 122.6 kilos on the scales this morning....hopefully it will be a improved number by next monday :)

Light Bulb Moment

One of the problems with a blog...is sometimes you worry about writing certain things that are in your mind....you know you want to get these thoughts out of your head and down on paper so you can move on....what I am about to tell u all....ive only ever discussed with one person (fiona)...and i dont post this to hurt anyones feelings....there is no right or wrong in this situation....it merely is what it is....

A couple of my friends are starting to see psychologists. Anyway I was out for a walk tonight and was thinking about what would be discussed if i went and saw a psychologist (and this includes a lightbulb moment!) and decided the conversation would go something along these lines:

Therapist : So what brings you to therapy?
Me: I want to lose my weight, get to goal and stay there
Therapist: Have you lose weight before?
Me: Yes i lost 94 kilos but then in 2012 i started to gain weight
Therapist: Why did you start to gain weight again? Did anything happen in 2012?

(Would i make a good psychologist????) Well lots happened in 2012....mum got sick and passed away. But a lil bit before that....about 3 or 4 weeks before mum got sick....i was over at mums....she turned around and told me....we redid our wills the other day (her and her husband)....i was like oh yeah? She then tells me...on both mine and my husbands will....your younger sister and your younger stepbrother will be the executor. To say I was a bit shocked was a understatement. I get that....they picked one person from each side of the families...(altho i dont get why me and my sister werent mums executor and the boys be the executor of his will), but as the oldest daughter that was shocking. Made no sense to me. I live the closest to their house...i AM the eldest daughter ...now dont get me wrong if that situation comes along i dont desire to make decisions following a death, it wasnt cos i wanted control. It was more what it symbolised. Ive always been the black sheep of the family, the one who is gay, the one who isnt as social, the one who is fat blah blah blah the list goes on. Ive mentioned before in the past that i often feel like i am separate from human life.....and im kinda floating above watching everyone go about their life...having relationships, buying homes, going on holidays, having families, having social lifes etc etc and I dont feel i am ever a part of these things. I think when mum told me this it cemented a lil bit more about my lack of self worth....I mean....if your own mothers chooses to believe others over you, support others over you, why would you think anyone else would think any better of you. It reminded me that no matter how much weight i lost....i still didnt have the family relationships i would like.

But you know....time has passed....as mad as i was at the time....i would know like to simply have that as a issue....and not that mums will has now been dealt with.

I cannot change what happened...as is always said....the only thing we can control is how we react.

My work day was good today. Although i didnt get to sleep till after 1.30am ARGH thankfully (or not) as i am working on saturday i have tomorrow off. (I am getting rostered on a lot of saturdays at the moment....its good money so im not complaining) So tonight i am planning to sit down and plan out my meals until sunday. Tomorrow morning i plan to sleep in and then head into the gym and do 45 minutes of cardio (15 minutes on bike, 15 minutes on treadmill and aim for 15 minutes on cross trainer) then will go shopping then come down and prepare meals and snacks for the week.

I also plan to be a lot more present on instagram....heres to a good week all :)

Truth.

Im writing on a blog and surely that means I am being truthful right? Well yes and no. I think its easy to tell your version of the truth when you skim the surface.

Do I always tell the utmost truth on here? Prolly not. There are many times the posts could go deeper...but out of lazyness or choice they simply dont. For that reason its something I really want to focus on....not just posting more regularly but more truthfully/deeper.

So how are things going? Well weight loss wise I am the same I was at the start of the year....ive gone down....ive gone up...and down again and up again. Ive been very up in the air about "the plan"...we all need a plan...a plan that works for you and you alone. Now I signed up for the foxy challenge...ive seen the menu plans....they are very clean eating and the meals look good. There program works around body type...im a pear shape....so theoretically you should eat about 40% protein. I have popped them into my fitness pal....and they vary between 1200-1400 calories.....do i think thats enough food at 120 kilos? Prolly not...especially if exercising. I am tho very keen for their workout routines and the mindset information. Im definitely planning on mostly following the foxy eating plan as per the meals etc (altho i tend to be that person who cannot follow a specific eating plan....i like to have some say in what i eat so i wont say ill eat to their plan EVERY day) to boost the food I will prolly just do things like have a extra protein shake etc.

When i think about tracking my food it comes down to two options. Weight watchers and my fitness pal. I like myfitnesspal cos i KNOW calories...i get them....i can easily add the calories from my Heart rate monitor.....i can monitor my sodium levels...macros etc...it works pretty damn good.  The advantage of weight watchers the BIGGEST advantage of it is the support network,.....whether its their magazine, meetings, instagram i find the support network great (that said i hate their "tech sessions" in meetings cos its a thinly veiled marketing section which is fooling no one!) With my fitness pal i calorie cycle...my leader has mentioned i can cycle points....and yes i must admit i am considering going back to weight watchers and combining it with the foxy challenge. Im also considering doing two PT sessions a week for the 12 weeks of the foxy challenge. The other negative about weight watchers is i tend to get into the thought of "oh its a weight watchers product i can eat it" even tho i know i struggle to lose and control my appetite if im not eating unprocessed foods.

I really want to be successful at this weight loss gig...there are so many things i want in my life i dont have currently. I am sitting on the sidelines when what i want is to be travelling, enjoying a social life, a partner, new experiences (eg scuba diving, adventure sports etc etc) I want to not only be confident but have the fit, healthy glow I had a few years ago...and theres only one way ill get that....and thats by applying myself.