High protein :)

Foodwise things been good again. Got my protein up to a nice high of 153 grams today....I usually aim for 130 grams so that is nice :) The scales were up 300 grams this morning but as day 2 of my cycle i am not concerned. Exercise wise I didnt gym it tonight...normally i do PT tonight but I have changed that to saturday this week due to working a later shift. Tomorrow night I will go in and do RPM and then friday night i will try the body weight cardio circuit candice wrote me..... have to give it a whirl this week (not looking forward to that admittedly lol) Not a lot else going on (gee i lead a boring life) im back in the zone that said on focusing on "fat loss"...i have 1 week till Candice will be doing measurements etc again lol...i dont think i will have a loss and doubt the measurements will change much....but oh well still moving on...my goal by the end of the gyms 12 weeks challenge which starts august 10...if i can lose 6-8 kilos over the 12 weeks i would be more then happy! Okies off for some relaxation time...enjoy your night all!

RAWR....

So yesterday, went rather well! YAY!! Im back calorie cycling...yesterday was a 1600 calories day and i ate 1585 and today i am on 1300 calories and have planned out 1294 calories :) Last night i gymmed it and kinda kicked ass ;). I went on the cross trainer for 20 minutes at level 13 (new high for me!)..then 10 minutes on the bike...then 30 minutes on the treadmill. I didnt feel brave enough to run on the treadmill but did walk at 5km/hour with a incline of 10% so was happy with that. Then i did a 30 minute PT session...which was circuit based (and usually is)...which was 10 barbell shoulder raises, 20 medicine ball throwdowns, 20 kettlebell swings, 20 weighted squats (with kettle bells) and then 250 minutes on rower level 10....and repeat the whole thing 3 times followed by 2 rounds of 10 weighted crunches and 30 second plank holds...haha boy she sure works me! But i can tell my fitness is improving....i mean level 13 on cross trainer for 20 minutes is not something i can normally do and honestly it wasnt hard lol...was definitely a warm up. So i ended the day feeling really good. Tonight i am having a rest day (my cycle arrived last night so day 1 is always horrendous i dont even wanna risk it at the gym)...tomorrow night i will be there...ill do cardio again and thursday night planning to do body pump :) So i am definitely getting back into the swing of things. Bit disappointed about tonight as was planning to do cardio and then body balance...oh well maybe on the weekend! I need to go into town before gym on saturday morning and pick up some weight lifting gloves...those olympic bars are slowly killing my poor lil hands :( Not much else going on. Enjoy your day all!

Start of the next 14 weeks :)

The very first paragraph I wrote on my journal back in April 2006 was "Welp this is it .... the new blog/journal. Lemme brief you all were im at...for those who don't know me i am 38 years old, single, lesbian. And wanting my life back .. oh and a girlfriend to go with it would be good too =)" That was the dream back then .... the drive. For a long time now ive been in a "comfort"...every week im like...this is it i am getting back on track....not knowing what was holding me back. Awhile ago I worked out the excess skin I felt was holding me back to a degree...it kinda sucks to lose all this weight but to resemble the saggy, baggy elephant. But a while ago I came to the conclusion I need to put the "excess skin surgery" back on the table....i know its possible to be done via the public health system which would get rid of the financial concerns...there would still be hurdles....but it is possible. But I still didnt have the drive I had have. My eating has still been up and down...some days great .... some days not so great. Exercise wise I have improved. This week I have had a sore throat...not enough to keep me in bed....i still went to work....but just to make me feel crappy and unless i am 100% theres no way i can do my PT sessions lol so i cancelled wednesday nights. But despite that...ive exercised the last 3 days....thursday and today (saturday) i walked for 45 minutes....and yesterday lo and behold i did a friggin insanity workout (and my abs are feeling it tonight) Anyway long time readers may remember back in 2011 i kinda was seeing someone. This person wanted to spend time with me but had issues "classifying" us....would never say if we were friends, dating or what....this went on for 3-4 months and in the end i told her we needed to go our own ways cos I was tired of the games. At that point I was just like...no more....not doing these games anymore and i basically decided that was it....no more dating or meeting potential girls etc etc. So at this point...my weight wasnt causing me ill health....i was ok....i fitted in size 14 jeans...and size 12 tshirts....i had no desire to date...and cos of that it was unlikely i was ever going to be invited to anything were i would need to dress up....and i couldnt be like all these other girls who could work towards "buff bodies". I wondered were I really got my enjoyment in life from. And I cannot lie....those nights many years ago when i would settle down to a nice meal "cos i deserved it" in front of a tv show....really was there anything better? 2011 i was living the life I wanted to live but because it didnt work out properly its like i decided to take my toys and go home....cos i didnt want to play anymore....but i think...taking those dreams away....i mean if you dont have those dreams what are you working for? When i was doing well with my weight loss before whenever i was out walking...i always had the ipod in my ear...music can be a great motivator....and a great way to help you to focus on those dreams. I could walk down the street listening to some song and imagine me having a dance to that song with some cute chick (dorky i know but its true!) Tonight ive downloaded some new music for my ipod. I honestly deserve a nice relationship...doesnt mean it will happen but enough of me cutting it out of my life...enough of me saying "oh no i dont do the dateing thing". But it is a balance...when i was "seeing" jo i did allow me to get a lil distracted....no being distracted...but certainly focusing on the honest truth and that is i would love a relationship...I would love to have the need some time in the future to need a nice dress and be able to wear a nice dress. I want that life I always wanted....I want to be that girl that does running events, who glows not cos she has a tan but simply cos she is that healthy, i want to be as fit and toned as my body will allow me to be (even if that does involve some cosmetic surgery). The gym challenge starts in 2 weeks time which goes for 12 weeks....14 weeks till the challenge is over....14 weeks to dedicate my self. I really want to lose 10-12 kilos over this 14 weeks. Tomorrow morning i am off to the gym....going to walk there...(its like a 25 minute walk)...then 60 minutes of pump and 60 minutes of balance before 15 minutes on the treadmill. My diet is also going to be 100% on target. I think i will come back to daily blog posts....i will do them each nite so like a wrap up of my day :) To reach our goals we really need to have some dreams!

Today.

Sometimes I think the worse thing in the world for my weight loss was finding my fitness pal. I have mentioned it many times how there is so much conflicting info on it that it spins my head out. Should you eat 1200 calories? No unless you are under 5"0...no you shouldnt eat low enough calories to lose a kilo a weekly unless you are morbidly obese...you should only eat between 10%-20% below your maintenance level...you should eat clean...you should do IIFIYM (if it fits in your macros)...you shouldnt do cardio....you should limit cardio..you should be doing weight lifting....you should be lifting heavy....gawd do i need to go on??? So effing conflicting and confusing! (And lets not even mention the people who are trying to reinvent the wheel so they can be "MFP famous" After eating so good i fell off track (AGAIN) But as I was eating something I shouldnt be eating today...I was realising I dont even want this food....i have no idea why i was eating it....but yanno i have been successful at weight loss and I can be again....the lucky thing for me is i have for the last 18 months or so maintained the bulk of my weightloss (i was 89.7 kilos as of this morning)...yanno...if we get back to the simplicity of it all...you gotta eat less then you burn....so when I was this weight before what worked? Ive been trawling thru my journal to figure this out.... First thing be active! And this was something I discussed with Candice the other nite....when im on track....im at the gym....when im not at the gym...im off track...and it simply has to become a priority again. Attending the gym and getting to as many classes as possible (the only real excuse should be illness and work conflicts) Calorie wise...I was eating 1485 calories at this weight last time. Guess what....it is more then the 20% deficit that MFP people say you shouldnt exceed...guess what...i didnt die following it....i didnt get sick...but what I did do was lose weight. And as I have mentioned soooooooo many times....calorie cycling worked for me. I do not care what the knuckleheads on MFP say when they dispute that fact (and they do lol)....for me it worked...im gonna go by experience...and do what worked!! Lucky i keep everything my old calorie cycle was on my fb page...so: monday 1300 tuesday 1400 wednesday 1500 thursday 1400 friday 1700 saturday 1900 sunday 1200 I dont think I need to overcomplicate things...i just need to do those things. I am thinking I might do insanity at home....not the full program just sessions as time allows or for days I dont get to the gym. I still have goals which I need to focus on...first goal to get into the 70's....then to get to 76 kilos and then down to 71 kilos. I want to get a much more toned body (yeh they hate you saying "toning" on MFP too lol)....i will never have a 6 pack....but i can certainly get some definition...especially around my shoulders and biceps....and get strong. And the truth is i am getting stronger when I focus i can do lunges much lower now and squats as well (both been exercises i have hated! hah!) Oh and enough of the demonizing of cardio...i will do as much as I like!! Would really love to get back into the running...really need to work on my fear of the treadmill LOL...wow it feels liberating to believe in what I think is right for me :) My gym 12 week challenge starts in 2 weeks....I really wanna be under 85 kilos by the gym scales by the end of the challenge...even better would be closer to 80 kilos....if I apply myself there is no reason why I cannot. I dont need the community of MFP for my journey....i have plenty of support...this journal..my facebook page...plus people in my real life. So for that reason I have deleted most of my MFP today. I have left a couple of MFP who i find very inspiring...and also my RL friends who had MFP ... i have a total of 8 people on it and theres prolly 2 more I will delete lol. Some people may read this post and think ive read a similar post from you so many times kazz...and u know what? I dont apologise for that....weight loss is hard....and so many concepts (mind, nutrition, exercise) all have to work together...for me they havent off late....but in a few times when its 10 years since i have started this weight loss gig and I am at goal...these struggles will be a distant memory...you do have to fake it till you make it...altho i dont believe i am faking it now. Time will tell....action speaks louder then words!!

Update :)

It is well over 18 months since I have been as confident as I am right now that I can get to goal. My trainer last week wrote me up a diet plan. I must admit it was very restrictive. But i followed it a few days and worked out it was basically 1500 calories. Interestingly thats what I was eating at around when at this weight last time. I feel very focused. I definitely (thanks to MFP) fell into a trap of "i can eat anything" and still lose. One of the traps with that is...whilst as long as I am under calories this is true...but some foods are just dangerous for me to have in this house...but none are "bad" foods...but they are foods that are easy to munch on. Peanut butter, tahini, cheese slices, cheese sticks. For the first time in prolly 9 months i have NONE of them in my house.

Nearly 2 weeks ago my trainer weighed me in. It was on a new scale (not a home style scale but a commercial type scale) in my clothes and gym shoes....lol....so of course my weight was elevated somewhat LOL. So at that point my weight by those scales was 94.6 kilos. She also took my measurements and also did my body fat % using calipers (this came out as 37.5%). So nutrition wise....im on track...i weighed in last wednesday night and was down to 92.9 kilos (so lost 1.7 kilos YAY). Ive been keeping a eye on my scales this week and they are still moving in the right direction so I feel confident with 1500 calories. My measurements and body fat % will be done again in another 2.5 weeks and of course I weigh in each wednesday night.

I also decided to join my gyms 12 week challenge. That starts August 10. My plan is to completely smash that challenge and I am looking at it as a 16 week challenge and already in challenge mode. The main difference is when I do the actual challenge there will be a bootcamp session I will do each saturday. So my fitness plan for the challenge is :

monday : PT session (30 minutes)
tuesday : RPM
wednesday : PT session (45 minutes)
thursday: 45 minutes cardio (running on treadmill or cross trainer)
friday : body weight circuit
saturday : bootcamp
sunday : rest

Im currently following all of that except the bootcamp sessions cos they haven't started yet. My aim is to lose 10-12 kilos during the 12 weeks of the challenge. And I would love to start the challenge at 88 kilos.....that would have me AIMING for 76 kilos by the end of the challenge...I do believe it is doable....but I really have to work for it. But thats the thing for the first time in a long time I beleive I can do that. Moving to my new gym and getting a new trainer was really the best thing for me. My trainer doesnt see me as someone who was 173 kilos...she never knew that person....she just sees me as someone with 15 kilos to lose who fitness wise is strong. She has been really surprised at my strength. Her sessions are really hard. But they are getting results. For the first time ever I do level 12 on the cross trainer as a "warm up" and I am not meaning for 5 minutes....I do it for 20 minutes or 45 minutes depending on what needs to be done....but I dont put it down to a lower level. :)

I do have a demon i need to work on tho. The treadmill. I have always been a lil terrified of it....worried I will roll my ankle and go flying. That fear has got worse since I fell in combat and broke my wrist. I havent been on the treadmill not even ONCE since i joined my new gym. I am feeling like I need to start getting over this fear. I know out of all cardio running is what gets me the high calorie burn. And once I am at goal...one of my next goals will be to train for a half marathon. Im never going to be a sprinter....running long distances is definitely more my thing. And while im not running several times per week there is still running goals in the back of my mind. :) A stack of pics of me in various positions which i will use as "before" pics come end of november :) (yep they aren't pretty lol)

new plan

So last night I had PT. We were doing measurements. This is the first time we have done measurements. So she measured me with the tape measure, i weighed ina nd then she did some measurements for body fat % with calipers (I will get that info on monday night) then we had a talk about calories LOL. I explained how when I lost my 80 kilos...i knew exactly what I was doing it...I found it easier to lose but since I got uner 100 kilos there has been so much conflicting advice...eat low calories...eat high calories...build muscle...dont do cardio blah blah blah!! Anyway she is training for a figure competition which she explained the idea is to get to a low body fat % so we are going to use that as a basis for me...focus on reducing body fat. We then came up with a daily workout plan....which will be:

monday : PT session
tuesday : RPM
wednesday : PT session
thursday : 45 minutes xtrainer
friday : body weight circuit
saturday : bootcamp
suday : rest/walk

With that much exercise she explained its really important that I eat enough and eat correctly that my macros are spot on. So now she has my body fat and weight and measurements etc she can work that out exactly for me and she will have that info for me on monday. I suspect i will be eating somewhere between 1500 and 2000 cals and that my protein levels will be high...higher then currently (and i think they are high now! lol) I looked at some figure competitors diets online last nite...they eat a heck of a lot of chicken and egg whites! LOL

Also I have decided to do goodlifes 12 week challenge...i discussed it with Candice (my trainer) last nite...its broken into two parts...either a weight loss one or one for people of a high fitness level....i cannot remember which we agreed i would sign up for LOL. I think we decided the weight loss one. So i will register for that soon as i speak to candice again and confirm it. The bootcamp sessions in the training plan are held when the 12 week challenge is on. This starts on August 10. I am also going to try and swing swift shift swaps for the 3 months of it so I dont work weekends so i can attend all the bootcamp sessions. Hopefully the bootcamp goes much better then when I did bootcamp with fernwood cos i HATED that! But i do feel more fitter now...candices sessions are very full on...lots of circuit type stuff. Last nites was....a low squat while holding on to a trx then a jump - repeat 20 times...then one legged leg press 15 times on each leg....then on the bike...10 seconds slow...10 seconds fast....20 seconds slow....20 seconds fast....then 30 seconds slow and 30 seconds fast....and repeat that whole circuit 3 times followed by some swinging squats (use a weighed medicine ball (10 kilos) like a kettle bell and swing it with squats stepping forward while swinging it) no wonder why when i go to my locker after my sessions with her i barely have the ability to pick up my bag...im always dead exhausted! LOL

For the next few days...ill stick to the 1800 cals...then on monday should have a very definite plan...im excited! She says i always smash my sessions and i will smash this....the goal will be to lose 10 kilos by mid november! Time to kick ass!!

Plans.

So ive come to some conclusions. (conclusions i have honestly known for a long time!)

Firstly....ive been eating 1800 calories for a while...in a perfect world where i dont go off track and dont socialise I can lose at 1800 calories....but i dont lose well....a good week is half a kilo. There is a lot of talk on MFP....if your close to goal you shouldn't aim to lose more then a quarter to half a kilo a week...that you dont have the fat reserves to draw on....that eating lower then TDEE - 20% (your maintenance level minus 20%) is the smallest amount to eat....that you shouldn't do cardio (or only limited cardio)...that calorie cycling doesnt work....that basically everything i previously did to lose weight is wrong ;) More and more i have been getting sick of this lack of progress...i KNOW i should eat less but when someone says "oh you caneat more" well u want too dont ya!

My gym is running a 12 week challenge starting august 10. I swapped a few messages with my trainer today...she was quite funny....the first response was "its up to you karyn"....then she went on to say how we will tackle it LOL. She wants to write me a diet plan....weigh me weekly. They have two challenges....one is a weight loss transformation...and one is a fitter, stronger challenge (which is designed for those with a intermediate to advanced level) . Initially we were talking about me doing the weight loss transformation....then she says....oh maybe you should do the fitter, stronger one lol. The fitter, stronger one involves a "WoW" each week...which is a workout of the week....they have ome of the old ones on you tube lol damn they look hard! Think they may be a bit too much for me and maybe i should stick to the weight loss transformation.

Anyway....last week Candice my trainer gave me a basis for a diet. I plugged it into MFP and it comes up to approximately 1300-1400 calories. Tomorrow night she is doing my measurements....this will be the first time they are done. There is a commercial scale at the gym....think ill weigh in there once a week instead of at home. And the other big decision is the ole diet coke. I remember when i cut it out before after a few days my carb cravings subsided. So i think its important i cut it out again which i will have my last one tonight then water from tomorrow onwards....i really need to go back to my "clean eating". I know a lot on MFP dont believe in it and i have kinda embraced that....but its another reason why i prolly havent been losing.

Exercise wise i have a program now. Which candice wants me to do legs and upper on alternative days. Which basically means I can exercise every day LOL. Candice has said she will give me a plan for everyday during the challenge...but she thinks its time to "pump things up" and I agree....otherwise in 12 months time I will still be sitting in the same spot....and i really, REALLY wanna get under 80 kilos, but I need to put on the work.

So thats it....daily exercise (no excuses), 1400 calories maximum, cutting out processed foods, cutting out diet coke and drink water - doesnt sound too difficult right? I did a few weeks ago take photos of me in knickers and bra...(yes ghastly eh!)....will redo photos again on august 8....and will between now and then kick this weight loss gig in the ass! Accountability....just what I needed!!!

Update and July goals. :)

I will try and do this again...blogger is being a ass!

The scales were at 90 kilos this morning....considering my cycle arrived overnight and i had a high carb meal friday night im not too upset with that. It is up 500 grams on last weeks weigh in...but will see how it is tomorrow :)

Last night i had PT candice had me doing a circuit...very exhausting!! But she also had me do deadlifts which she got super excited about...about my form and the weight i easily did (25 kilos) ive only ever really done dead lifts in body pump. But i did them with the weight starting on the ground. Anyway she was very impressed with the weight and how easy i found it....lol....each time it came to the deadlifts i was like....oh they are like a break LOL! She is very impressed with how high the weights i can go with. We also did single arm rows with dumbbells last night and i did that with a 10 kilo weight (and we did 4 rounds of reps 10-20) She said in future 25 kilo deadlifts will be my warm up lol and she wants to test me to see the maximum I could do. She then said..."oh we should have deadlifting competitions" lol

She also had a folder full of information for me. Ive never had a plan so laid out for me. Love it. So it had recommendations for my diet...not a calorie range...so im still gonna eat 1800 calories but just recommendations for meals and snacks...which I am mostly going to follow (just really clean, unprocessed healthy foods). Then there was a copy of my new weights program. A full body cardio program for doing at the gym, a cardio circuit for doing at home (the days i cannot get to the gym) and also recommendations for intervals on the different pieces of cardio equipment) She then also laid out how on a weekly basis she wants me to run my workouts....so im planning to stick to this and give it the whole month and see how it goes (think if i do what she says it will all work!) So.... monday : weights and cardio tuesday : cardio full body wednesday : PT thursday : rest day friday : weights and cardio saturday : long duration cardio sunday : cardio/rest/stretch Basically the cardio full body are a circuit she has written for me, the weights and cardio days are my weights program and then 2-3 pieces of equipment doing intervals. The long duration cardio is running! She gave me the option of going for a bike ride, swimming, walking fast or running. I need to do it for 30-45 minutes with my aim to go a bit further each time. I think I will do that around the torrens river...and do 45 minutes....(i can certainly run for 45 minutes) and I like it down around the torrens, its pretty and animals around which allows me to be distracted enough to enjoy the run. Running around my local area just doesnt work as its all main roads and im just too conscious of my fat ass haha!

So as it is July 2 I decided to set a goal for july....i will have to be on my diet and exercise 100%...and that is to reach 50% of my intial body weight...so i need to get to 86.6 kilos....3.4 kilos to lose this month...if i stick to it i can do that!

I am also planning to go buy a body media fit just so i can ensure i keep my calorie burn up each day and i really like its full nutritional breakdown ... if not before i will get it this weekend!

I have posted a couple of pics....not great quality...the two in the white sports bra were taken june 3 the two with the pants with aqua trim were taking yesterday....i think my butt doesnt look as sloppy lol i dont wanna say perkier but its slight but i think there is a improvement ;)