Too much thinking

So the scales continued their merry fluctuation dance today and were back up to 123.3 kilos. I am not stressed about it tho. Firstly cos i know food wise i have been doing the right thing...ive been sticking to my calories, eating clean, drinking at least 2.2 litres of water a day. I put it down to 1 of 3 things....im retaining fluid from the heat (i think this is the most likely)...lack of sleep...or not enough exercise.

The lack of sleep and not enough exercise are tied together. I got so overtired from monday night i have skipped the gym since....but i am going back tomorrow night for body pump. But in all honesty i think its fluid retention from the heat, so i am going to continue to stick to the game plan and hopefully the scales will move soon enough.

I have also started taking diabex which my body is obviously adjusting too. The interesting thing is i am really losing interest in food...today ive not been interested in food and when i have eaten ive only wanted bland foods (like toast, bananas, oatmeal)...i had for lunch a egg and cheese salad (which i love) but couldnt stomach the thought of it...high fat food especially i have no interest in. I know tho this can be a side effect but only usually lasts a few weeks....and really...me not being interested in food is not a bad thing! LOL

One of the things that has occured to me of late...is something ive been aware of previously but maybe i am now more conscious of...and thats that i have lost confidence in my ability to lose weight. Which seems a crazy thing to say since i lost 94 kilos in the past. But what i feel is going on a plan and losing weight in "week 1" is easy...its doable....but i lose confidence doing it long term. Even tho if i do the right thing....water/food and exercise i know it will happen...but i think deep within me i doubt i can do it again. And thats the honest truth. And i think that sometimes thats why i bounce from program to program cos then i get "week 1" again...and doing week 1 is easy....its the week 2....week 3.....week 25 etc that is harder. So i am working on changing that....i will never be that person that diet alone works for ,,,,, a huge focus needs to be on me building/maintaining muscle....even if the scales dont move heaps if im building muscle...then its still all moving in the right direction....and thats what makes my next body scan very interesting. My mind is constantly like....well maybe im not getting good enough results cos im eating too much fat...or too little fat,,,,maybe im eating too little or too much...and i think i kinda throw my hands in the air. When i lost the weight before i had very lil nutritional knowledge...and it was in the low fat era...i never ate things like coconut oil...avocado...butter (grass fed or not!) i just ate lower fat...and i dont know that that worked fabulously cos i had some lengthy plateaus....but over the years i did work...currently im on 1550 calories....i guess if anything im leaning towards a high fat diet...but im not convinced on that just "science" seems to suggest that....and that its suggested to help with PCOS...but then again my PCOS basically went dormant eating low fat....then again maybe if i ate more fat i would have had less of a skin issue...LOL....see?????? Thats why i get confused....and why i question. If someone else asked me for recoemmentations for themselves...i could spit out calories and food recommendations easily...but when its dealing with my self...i doubt my judgement lol

Anyway enough rambling! Body pump tomorrow night....its a date ;)