Uh oh....those damn scales....

So my scales seem up by about 2 kilos. I havent gone over my points in fact when the scales first went up I had only eaten about 3 weekly points. Anyway normally this would mean I go off track...but no...I am pretty sure i know whats going on. Mostly I think its lack of exercise and eating too much carbs and processed foods.

So i am planning to head back towards more of how I ate before when I lost weight. One of the issues is some of the foods i ate before....because i ate the same thing day in and day out...i cannot stand the thought of LOL. That being mostly weetbix and burgen bread. So breakfast will be oats and protein powder and water (which i love) or scrambled eggs with vegies (which I also love). I plan on having a sandwich for lunch and dinner just protein and vegies and some kind of fat. I did think of doing healthy and filling...but...the big reason i didnt is that salmon fillets are not included. My snacks is prolly my biggest downfall...im gonna have a banana and peanut butter for morning tea....and afternoon tea a apple with a cheesestick or sultanas and a protein shake....I need to make sure I eat foods I like so I will stick to it.

Exercise wise I really need to ramp it up this week. This week should look like this:

monday : 50 minute walk
tuesday : TTT class and PT session
wednesday : cardio (slow steady state on treadmill) followed by zumba class
thursday : Body pump class and PT session
friday : body pump
saturday : body pump + body balance

Hopefully the scales will start to move down over the next day or so but ill suck up whatever the scales say and move on :)

Update

So i went to weigh in on monday night and lost 2.7 kilos which i was very happy with...then walked home which took 30 minutes so a lil bit of exercise.

Tuesday I returned to the gym. My plan for the week was simply to do 2 PT sessions and 1 class. The 2 PT sessions i did. Tuesday we did boxing and thursday we did a cardio/weights session. The weights I did was 20 kilos on chest press and 10 kilo bar for military press. The plan is tomorrow I will go in and do Body Pump. Returning to the gym this time I feel a lil different....I just feel headspace wise I am ready to increase my workouts. I know when you add in the gym it can sometimes do crazy things to the scales but more important then that is to remember all the added benefits to the gym....mental health, cardiovascular improvement, strength and even for me a sense of appetite suppresent.

Next week I finish work either at 5pm or 5.30pm so another week where my gym time will be limited...also on the saturday I have an appointment at home at 9.30am so I cannot make the gym...but the plan will be:

monday : 30 minute walk
tuesday : PT followed with 20 minutes cardio
wednesday : Rest day
thursday : PT followed with 20 minutes cardio
friday : Rest day
saturday : Rest day

So as you can see....its still not a big exercise week...but that is mainly due to finishing work so late. I could theoretically go to the gym tuesday and wednesday before work. The classes those mornings are tuesday there is a RPM class and wednesday a boxfit class....but maybe instead of doing either I might just go in and do some cardio for 45 minutes each morning. Following this week I am back to early finishes which means I have more choice of classes.

Weight wise....well ive kept a eye on the scales this week...and not looking promising LOL....i may even have a small gain - which is not uncommon when I have had a big loss the previous week. I am sure the heat we had the last few days hasnt helped either...but just gotta keep plodding on. Admittedly this week I havent really had my oats and protein powder for breakfast ... have been opting for fruit toast....so should knock that habit on the head. Will keep working at it all :)

Catch up time!

Something has happened over the last few weeks...and last night it made me realise something. Now I cannot go into everything that has occurred. But its to do with relationships.

A few years ago I dated someone....it (obviously lol) didnt work out...at the time i remember being out running with fiona saying "no more" "im too old for these games" Now i am not blaming this for my weight game...but we know our mindset is a huge part of weight loss..I do think it contributed to my mindset.

If you go back to one of my first posts on this journal back in 2006 (might even be the first one) ok was the first one...i checked in fact it was in the first sentance:

Day 1 of my journal

Welp this is it .... the new blog/journal. Lemme brief you all were im at...for those who don't know me i am 38 years old, single, lesbian. And wanting my life back .. oh and a girlfriend to go with it would be good too =) 

Getting a relationship and getting my life back were my goals. Simple as that. It wasnt about a number on the scales...and it wasnt about a dress size. But along the way....my first "dating experience" when id lost the weight when it didnt go how i wanted i threw the towel in. A conversation last night where I was asked some things made me realise you know i do want a relationship...the whole hog...not just talk to someone online....but the whole kit and kadoodle. I am not saying tomorrow i am going on a date lol....but it needs to be a goal....and when I admit that to myself that that is what I want....I get a clearer clarity....cos along with that comes the whole "getting my life back" part...I wanna jump on a plane and travel....i want to experience new cultures....i want to enhance my friendship base....i want to have more "experiences" and that I think is what "getting my life back" is about....more experiences.

Tomorrow I return for my first full week of ww with meetings....I snuck a peak at the scales this morning...not sure if they are up or down because of the fact i didnt weight the first 3 days of this past week, I also had my cycle so my weight has been all over the place...we will wait and see.

In other news. Someone said a comment the other day "100% out or 100 in"...following boredom a few evenings at home I decided it was time to get off my lazy butt and get back to the gym. And yes I did return to Fernwood :) When I resigned up....I knew I had some PT sessions left over...but wasnt sure how many...so asked...had NINE of the lil buggers! LOL So i have signed back up with my previous trainer Stacey....and will be training tuesday and thursday nights....which is perfect. I like the sessions to be spread out a lil...and I cannot go on Monday nights cos of WW so that works great :) Im very keen to get into it...im keen to see the increase in my ww activity points....on work days i currently earn 2-3 and i earnt 14 this week with no exercise so will be interesting to see how much they climb :)

And thats about it! Have a good new week :)

100% in or 100% out

I was thinking tonight about why I started on this weight loss journey. When I started in 2006 it wasnt to become a size 10, it wasnt to become the fittest person walking down the street....and it wasnt to wear a particular size. I had a fear of becoming that person confined to their home living on welfare, I was worried I would be featured on today tonight when firemen would have to break doors down to get me out of my home...I literally needed to save my life.

Now obviously I have not been near that kind of dire situation for about 9 years, its a different battle now....i still am trying to save my life (cos getting back to 170+ kilos is not really that far away) but it is now about wearing a size 10, it is now about being able to run 10kms, it is about getting into the best physical shape to live as healthy for as long as possible.

Tonight I didnt eat perfect. No binge but eating didnt go as planned. The last few nights I have definitely been bored in the evening....there is only so many evenings in a row of coming home and watching netflix i can handle LOL The other thing is being idle in the evenings doesnt help with the avoiding foods, that was one of the reasons why i exercised so much when i lost the weight before....cos it meant i wasnt mindlessly eating.

The odd thing is too i feel kinda like i have too many daily points. I like just enough food to keep me satisfied...but 40 points is quite a lot.  Ive tracked tomorrows food already....including snacks...and i have 14 points spare....thats a trap in my opinion...cos it can lead me to making unwise choices for more-ish foods.

But anyway starting tomorrow i want to go back to some of the "rules" i use to have before. No grains at dinner time (except on saturday nights), aiming for fruit and/or vegetables with all snacks/meals (apart from breakfast), going for unprocessed options.

Exercise wise i need to really decide. I mean im pretty sure ive decided what to do....just gonna sleep on it tonight. I read a saying today....either 100% in or 100% out. So whilst i was feeling a bit done with the gym a few weeks ago i think i am ready to get back into it all.

Oh another thing I noticed and I got back into starting today...and that was daily weighing....i know a lot dont like to do it...but i am so much more mindful about what i put in my body when i weigh daily.

Also back to exercise, i want this time things to be a bit more balanced. Monday nights will not be a gym night as i will be going to weight watchers,....the good news is tho i walk 20 minutes to the meeting and 30 minutes home...so theres a 50 minute walk each day :) I think 4 nights a week plus a walk on sundays for the moment would work. I definitely want to do zumba classes, body pump, body balance and maybe RPM. That would be my focus going back with some cardio (walking). I need to find my ipod too...I had a lil shuffle which i use to clip to my tshirt...havent seen it for ever,,,,definite gym necessity!

Redo over....Starting back at weight watchers :)

Ive been meaning to post but so slack sometimes!

The good news is i returned to weight watcher meetings :) The bad news? Weighing in the week my cycle was due, on a 36 degree day, in jeans and sneakers and after having eaten all day meant I was heavier then my weight when I did my first weigh in for online LOL So starting weight was 122.9 kilos and 40 points a day. So far I have stuck to my daily points every day (yay me) have used no activity or weekly ones :)

Then of course at the meeting....the discussion was on "metabolism" and yanno about different things that affect your metabolism....and of course the amount of muscle you have effects your metabolism....and as i sat around people who were saying they go to the gym etc I was of course thinking...if I wanna do this properly I do need to get structure back and get back to the gym.

Am i about to return to a gym? Im not sure....on one hand I want too...on the other hand since i have had this "break" i dont want to return without have the real desire.

The next question of course as well...is....which gym. I have around me numerous gyms....as well as a few fitness studios...there is a fitness studio 5 minutes from my house....but it is classes only and not Les Mills ones.

I guess when I get down to it....what I want/need.....is a supportive gym, with regular les mills classes.
When I think about it the things i need to consider is: travel, cost, support, les mills classes. To be honest the jetts around the corner from me wins on the travel and cost....the support and les mills classes well fernwood would win. Is it worth sacrificing the support and the quality classes for something being closer and a little cheaper? Im thinking not.

The one thing I do know...is no PT. I have come to realise I was spoilt by Fiona...and no one else will really ever match up to her LOL....the only thing I would consider doing is some outdoor sessions (ie running with fiona) and she may not even be interested! lol....and I think at the moment i am too large for that anyways (thinking about my joints) also i dont like running in the heat (and well neither does Fiona lol) but maybe march/april i would have a talk with her about doing sessions if i was at a good place mentally and committed to my journey.

So thats the update...where things are currently at :)

Week 1 weigh in

*drumroll* I lost an amazing 3.8 kilos :) Now that said thats not uncommon for me the first week back on track to lose in excess of 3 kilos. So that takes me to 118.6 kilos and my total loss is 54.5 kilos...would be nice to be back at 55 kilos lost next week :)

But now the first week is done...its time to consider this coming week and future weeks. My daily points dropped to 38 points. My focus will be to stick to the daily points and not use any of the weekly or activity points. My goal is to simply aim for a average from this week on of half a kilo a week. I think in the past I put too much pressure on myself....getting annoyed at anything that was under a 1 kilo loss. Not this time...I dont even care if some weeks it is a 200 gram loss....they all add up.

If I could aim for a half kilo loss per week I should be to double digits my July. So thats my focus by July 30 to be a double digit girl....but no pressure!

As i discussed yesterday, and the more I think about it the more content i am with this decision....no formal exercise till i am a double digit girl. I will prolly get into walking more...but nothing formal. I do seem to lose better when I dont exercise for some strange reason (think cos then the balance of energy is spot on....once i add in exercise it brings in the whole....am i eating enough to fuel my workouts etc) plus I kinda think....having the exercise in my back pocket to use down the track is not a bad thing.

Reflection : Giving up the gym

So its been about 10 days since i decided to quit the gym. It really was a hard decision to make and even once I had made the decision I felt bad...I felt guilty. Admittedly that only lasted for about 24 hours! LOL

So am I glad I am currently not a member of a gym? Actually yes. Doing that and going back to weight watchers has allowed me to focus simply on my eating. Theres no pressure. Simply stick to my daily points, eat nutritional food but try and eat foods I really enjoy. I have stuck to my daily points every day except melbourne cup day (altho wednesday I was accidently under by 2 points) and I have used 20 of my weekly points. Tomorrow is weigh in and I am hoping for a good result. :)

So stepping away from the gym has allowed me at my own pace to start to think about what are MY fitness goals, and when I do return to the gym I dont want to exercise "for weight loss" whatever track I go down I simply want to be active/exercise to support whatever fitness goal I have at the time. I keep going back to when I trained with Fiona, who I obviously had my best results with. Fiona always had I felt a unique approach .... I always felt she had a very holistic approach. The very first time I met Fiona....I stumbled while getting off a bike and I remember telling her I hated the gym....that it felt like a chore (sounds familiar eh?) at the end of that session...she wasnt saying to me...."our focus will be for you to lose 50 kilos"....it was "our focus will be on your balance and getting you to not hate the gym" In the years I trained with her she very rarely, if ever asked me about my weight loss. Sure it was discussed but mostly that was when I bought up the topic....I never felt pressure from her that there was a expectation to lose a set amount each week...or get down to a number on the scales.....her focus was always just on getting me a bit happier with myself. I use to do 3 PT sessions a week...the first year or so we did one which was strength training....one which was boxing (simply cos of the fact I loved boxing) and one was a focus on core and balance. Fiona was always led by me....she would tell me i know when to change things up from the conversations we had...especially in the beginning tho it was just about trying to enjoy the gym. And yanno i never "loved" the gym....but I enjoyed our sessions...I liked the variety and I became dedicated to the gym.

So anyway its led me to believe this break from the gym is doing me the world of good. Its definitely a weight lifted off my shoulders....its also led me to a point of slowly just reassessing fitness goals that i want. By not talking to others and being influenced by only my brain and nothing else....it is allowing me to get some clarity. Now that said...I prolly wont return to a gym till I am under 100 kilos. So where my head is at currently for fitness goals is:

1. zumba classes - i did one at my old gym....really enjoyed it so thats something Id like to do when I return to activity
2. adult ballet classes - this is prolly something more for when I am at goal but its always been at the back of my mind. I did ballet for years and was really good at it....so would love to get back into it at some point.
3.  running a half marathon - When i first joined a gym at 160 kilos...i would see these girls run on a treadmill...always seemed like ostritches....they just flew like they were weightless....and as a 160 kilo girl that was always a focus. Of course in the past i did run 12km in the city to bay...fiona used to tell me....you will never be a sprinter lol. Running has always been a goal for me and im a slow and steady person so eventually a half marathon would be a good goal.

I think when I do rejoin a gym....i will prolly do some strength training maybe twice a week....but the difference this time is i would prolly research strength training to support running goals. When I initially return also my focus wouldnt be on HIIT training (not knocking it just at my weight dont see the fitness benefit of doing 5 sprints for 30 seconds...now I know it makes you fitter and I know its good for weight loss...but as i said...i will want to exercise for my fitness goals (ie running) and this will be when i first rejoin) at that point my focus will be on slow, steady state cardio....I will be wanting to build up the time I can exercise. Cos not only do i ENJOY that more...the way i see it....thats what half marathon runners do!