Life...

I was thinking last night that people probably are thinking woah at some of my posts. I know a lot of people saw me previously as some invincible weight loss machine...the truth of the matter is...even if I get to goal I will battle this for the rest of my life. The person who decides to lose weight gets to goal and never struggles is a very rare person (and incredibly strong and all kudos to them!) but the reality as I discoverred is not me. And there has to be reasoning behind this...so there might be lots of posts where I am not the in control person some think I am...it doesnt diminish my knowledge or who I am...it just is....and I just felt it needs to be addressed...if you dont want to see posts like that...or its a trigger or anything like that I would suggest not read my posts (not that anyone has said this but every time I post lately I have been wondering about this)

Watched aussie biggest loser last night...looks like its going to be a really good season. It struck me how numerous them feel they need to lose weight to put themselves out there and that life is passing them by (sound familiar???). With one of them shannon said....what do you do in your spare time - she replied "sitting things - knitting, crochet, scrapbooking" and shannons response was "we need to get you out more". So true - I am exactly the same. 70 kilos lighter and still the same.

My days consist of getting up - going to work - going home and being a sloth in front of the tv. Unless its a gym night - then i go to the gym for a hour or so then come home and be a sloth. Weekends....as a example last weekend...i got up at 9am...went into the city...bought some dvds and a couple of tops...got my eyebrows waxed walked straight past the gym (didnt go in) i then went home and watched my dvds....the rest of saturday and sunday. Only varying on that on sunday to throw a couple of loads in the washing machine and to go to the shops quickly to buy food for sunday nights dinner.

Ive discussed this before. And im still here...still not doing things cos I dont have someone to do them with. Things I enjoy like going to musicals...going to see live performances. I always go I am not going cos I have no one to go to them with....admittedly they would be more fun if I had someone to go to them with...but I can still enjoy them by myself. So thats one thing I need to start to look at to break the monotonous that is my life ;) So Rocky Horror Picture Show is on in march, in august there is grease...and i think its june there is a ballet performance of cinderella. I am going to start to book some tickets. I also want to start to just get out and see movies I want to see...last time I went to the movies was several years ago I think (cannot even remember when it was). I need to just make me do more things.

Food wise things are going good :) I have been spot on with it in fact! So impressed with me. The thing letting me down is the gym. And this kinda relates back to what I have already mentioned above. I plan to go to the gym I have every intention of going right up till the point i leave work then suddenly I am like I dont want to go. I think partly its cos I dont do the classes I really enjoy. My trainer is big on muscle recovery. I really enjoy pump...but the only time I can make is saturdays but as thats the day after my PT session my trainer prefers I dont do it on saturdays...she prefers I just do body balance instead. It does seem like a waste to travel all the way in the city for a one hour class (cos im like so busy at home lol)...the classes I use to enjoy was combat and boxing. Now partly this relates back to breaking my wrist in combat last year. Imagine it...in a full class and you land flat on your ass....it was demoralising as well as bloody painful. For some reason when i "side shuffle" or "shuffle backwards and forwards" my feet get caught up and trip...it happened about 4 times before I had the fall where I broke the wrist. I did a combat class about a month ago and nearly tripped over my feet again...which freaked me out...I know I can "walk" the side steps but I feel then I am not going to be moving fast enough especially when its busy. So it kinda terrifies me...altho as I typed that I thought...I do have both the gyms combat instructors on my FB maybe I should message them and see if theres a alternative I can do they can recommend (thinking it would just be walking instead) so with that fear of breaking my bones lol any class where I have to move a lot I am kinda terrified of (ie body attack, shabam, combat, boxing etc) I also just feel my age is catching up to me lol...80% of the gym members are prolly 20-somethings...tiny...fit...etc etc...there i am 100 kilos....46 years of age...and not very confident .... i really struggle with certain movements then throw the "im worried i am going to fall over thing" then there is also a bit of a lazyness....its hard to get back into the exercise habit when I have been out of it for so long.

Anyway...this was a huge post...and i prolly rambled way too much....hah....off to PT shortly...and then back with weigh in results tomorrow!