Start of the next 14 weeks :)

The very first paragraph I wrote on my journal back in April 2006 was "Welp this is it .... the new blog/journal. Lemme brief you all were im at...for those who don't know me i am 38 years old, single, lesbian. And wanting my life back .. oh and a girlfriend to go with it would be good too =)" That was the dream back then .... the drive. For a long time now ive been in a "comfort"...every week im like...this is it i am getting back on track....not knowing what was holding me back. Awhile ago I worked out the excess skin I felt was holding me back to a degree...it kinda sucks to lose all this weight but to resemble the saggy, baggy elephant. But a while ago I came to the conclusion I need to put the "excess skin surgery" back on the table....i know its possible to be done via the public health system which would get rid of the financial concerns...there would still be hurdles....but it is possible. But I still didnt have the drive I had have. My eating has still been up and down...some days great .... some days not so great. Exercise wise I have improved. This week I have had a sore throat...not enough to keep me in bed....i still went to work....but just to make me feel crappy and unless i am 100% theres no way i can do my PT sessions lol so i cancelled wednesday nights. But despite that...ive exercised the last 3 days....thursday and today (saturday) i walked for 45 minutes....and yesterday lo and behold i did a friggin insanity workout (and my abs are feeling it tonight) Anyway long time readers may remember back in 2011 i kinda was seeing someone. This person wanted to spend time with me but had issues "classifying" us....would never say if we were friends, dating or what....this went on for 3-4 months and in the end i told her we needed to go our own ways cos I was tired of the games. At that point I was just like...no more....not doing these games anymore and i basically decided that was it....no more dating or meeting potential girls etc etc. So at this point...my weight wasnt causing me ill health....i was ok....i fitted in size 14 jeans...and size 12 tshirts....i had no desire to date...and cos of that it was unlikely i was ever going to be invited to anything were i would need to dress up....and i couldnt be like all these other girls who could work towards "buff bodies". I wondered were I really got my enjoyment in life from. And I cannot lie....those nights many years ago when i would settle down to a nice meal "cos i deserved it" in front of a tv show....really was there anything better? 2011 i was living the life I wanted to live but because it didnt work out properly its like i decided to take my toys and go home....cos i didnt want to play anymore....but i think...taking those dreams away....i mean if you dont have those dreams what are you working for? When i was doing well with my weight loss before whenever i was out walking...i always had the ipod in my ear...music can be a great motivator....and a great way to help you to focus on those dreams. I could walk down the street listening to some song and imagine me having a dance to that song with some cute chick (dorky i know but its true!) Tonight ive downloaded some new music for my ipod. I honestly deserve a nice relationship...doesnt mean it will happen but enough of me cutting it out of my life...enough of me saying "oh no i dont do the dateing thing". But it is a balance...when i was "seeing" jo i did allow me to get a lil distracted....no being distracted...but certainly focusing on the honest truth and that is i would love a relationship...I would love to have the need some time in the future to need a nice dress and be able to wear a nice dress. I want that life I always wanted....I want to be that girl that does running events, who glows not cos she has a tan but simply cos she is that healthy, i want to be as fit and toned as my body will allow me to be (even if that does involve some cosmetic surgery). The gym challenge starts in 2 weeks time which goes for 12 weeks....14 weeks till the challenge is over....14 weeks to dedicate my self. I really want to lose 10-12 kilos over this 14 weeks. Tomorrow morning i am off to the gym....going to walk there...(its like a 25 minute walk)...then 60 minutes of pump and 60 minutes of balance before 15 minutes on the treadmill. My diet is also going to be 100% on target. I think i will come back to daily blog posts....i will do them each nite so like a wrap up of my day :) To reach our goals we really need to have some dreams!