Refocusing.

I need to really get in the zone and focus on this journey. One stumbling block i have is that whilst the DEXA scan gave me as 78.9-80.9 kilos as my "ideal weight" and i struggled to get any lower then that...i wasnt happy at that weight....i know thats mostly cos of the skin and knowing full well i never intend to have it removed i know i need to get into a better level of acceptance of it....when i tried to get under 79 kilos and then tried way too low calorie diets which started a binge cycle i ended up at over 88 kilos....i seem to have got down to 87 kilos...a couple of times under 86 kilos but no further...im sure its a mental thing. When i had the DEXA scan and he told me i need to lose 5.1-7.2 kilos of fat...his big focus was on cardio...and i quote "your focus needs to be cardio, cardio, cardio"...he didnt seem concerned if i lost muscle during this process whilst that concerns me greatly cos if i lose the fat AND muscle the skin will look even worse. My plan was always to build muscle once i got to "goal" which really means i need to get below 79 kilos...so i have the room to move with any weight gain due to muscle. I know really tho at the moment i shouldnt worry about that..i just need to well first of all get under bloomin 85 kilos and then work on getting back down to under 80 kilos. As ive done it before i know it is doable as long as i dont let my head mess me up.

Starting this week fiona and i will be running twice a week which should certainly help with getting in the cardio....if i can throw in at least one boxing class, one cycle class and some stair climbing in there that should get my cardio levels up to what i hope will start to see some good movement. Then once there i guess i can try to come up with a plan on how ill maintain and what ill do to improve my body as much as possible taking into account what i have...its never ever going to be perfect....and i really need to accept that and just make the best out of what i have....bottom line....the reason i am disappointed in it is my own doing...im not discounting ive done good with my weight loss....but bottom line i was the one who got me over 170 kilos...so i need to just accept that, and maybe if i can really get into this running gig ill have a good new focus (lets take it slow tho and not jump the gun! lol)

Exercise wise im not going to plan too far ahead this week....body combat and body jam tomorrow night....(wow been monthsssssssssssssssssssssssssssss since ive done that combination!) might do the stairs before the class too....and tuesday night running with fiona...trying to decide whether im ready to try running 3kms....might bite the bullet and try....if i manage to do that...it would be pretty darn amazing in my eyes :) and maybe just the boost i need!

I want to set a very realistic goal....weight loss wise....so im going to really focus on getting under 85 kilos by end of june (deperessing to read earlier that last july my goal for this june was 75 kilos! EEK!!) Thats basically 2.1 kilos and ive got 7 weeks to do that...i sure as hell should be able to do that since its only a average of 300 grams per week. So by next sunday night i wanna be down to at least 86.7 kilos - wish my luck!