Sunday, February 12, 2012

Do you feel different?

Theres a question I get asked a lot....for a long time i didnt know the answer...but recently over the last 6 months or so i have "got" the answer.

The question is..."Do you feel different?" - for a long time i didnt...not a noticeable difference...sure i was in a few sizes smaller...but i was still overweight...still the majority of things i was struggling with....i still felt like the "fat one" when in a room of people. I always use to say i dunno...maybe i dont notice the difference because i lost the weight so gradually....i would compare myself to people on biggest loser who lose the weight quite quickly so it becomes very apparant the differences. Recently whilst i havent lost a lot of weight over the last 4 months or so....i guess maybe my head has caught up a bit. When i think about "me" and my life these days...i can honestly say its good...its not perfect but its definitely a good, healthy and happy lil life :) I no longer feel ashamed of still pretty shy when i first meet people but i relax quicker...not so worried about what people are thinking. Ive said it before but i feel a "lightness" to myself....not a physical lightness...but just feel lighter of the mental anguish that my weight and my self belief and self image put me thru.

Things dont seem unattainable to me...i am even slowly starting to get it thru my head that even if i struggle doing something in the beginning...if i practice whatever it is i will slowly improve...i may not end up the best of the best....but by practicing...i can be the best at it i can be, and thats all i really need! Its not about being the best...its not about looking like some famous celebrity...its not being envious cos i think someone looks better then me...its simply about making the best life i can. I wasted a lot of years...sitting in front of a computer, wasting time in front of the tv and eating my way into a early grave with KFC meals most i have gained so much...i really can't put it into words...a wider variety of foods, more people in my life, more active and DEFINITELY more physically capable of LOTS of if you are at the start of a weight loss me when i will gain a heck of a lot more out of this journey then a smaller clothing size and a smaller number on the scales :)

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