Much, more positive day :)

Funny the difference a few days can make :) Thursday I was feeling very self defeated and was seriously thinking I cannot do this anymore....friday i didnt do much better mentally but foodwise i got my act together. By the end of friday I had pretty much come to a couple of conclusions, one i was lacking the confidence I can reach goal. Ive said it time and time again that when things get hard I have a habit of running away/giving up. My initial goal was "merely" to get to 76 kilos. And yes I have been slowly losing, chipping away for five years....but now its kinda like crunch time. Its like if I trained for a marathon....did awesome with the training....started the marathon....and then a mile or so away from the finish line I started to self sabotage myself and lose focus. Like i could see the finishing line....but I dont know if I can physically make it....so instead of focusing and working my best at crossing that marathon finishing line in my head its kinda easier to go...yeh running to just this point is enough....and giving up....cos thats not failing right? I decided that this was the weight I am happy to stay at. But in all honesty that is failing...failing myself. I have really self sabotaged myself lately....yep the scales havent moved much (just bouncing aorund a 2 kilo range) but my body fat has dropped significantly (over 7% over the last 6 weeks) the exercise is really doing its job....but if i didnt self sabotage myself with food I prolly would have been under 80 kilos by now.

So today I woke determined to have a good day and try my hardest! This morning I went to the gym....worked out for 3 hours :) Did a hour of body pump, a hour of body balance and then a hour of different exercises Fiona showed me before she left the gym. Burnt 1350 calories which I was pretty impressed with considering I didnt do any cardio. Surrounded by positive people at the gym and I managed to get my focus back on track :)

Then this afternoon I went with Ryan and his partner Vince, to a farewell drinks at one of the locals here. Was lovely sitting out in the sunshine! Ryan leaves for India on Monday and just flew in from Italy and Rome (his life is hard eh?) so was really good to catch up with him!

Then tonight I went to a dance....caught up with Jo who I dated earlier in the year. Was interesting ;) We had a bit of a deep and meaningful chat about a few things....anyway at this stage we have decided we will go to some things at feast next month (the gay & lesbian festival here in Adelaide) I did splash out and have a glass of wine tonight....put me 40 calories over for the day but considering how much I burnt today I dont think that is a issue ;) and probably why me and Jo had such a conversation LOL

When at the pub this arvo Ryan told me he thinks I should write a book. He isnt the first person to suggest it....but maybe the first person I took a lil seriously....and I think if its something I am going to do....its something I really need to do now as come June next year when i AM at goal my focus will need to be on my studies to become a personal trainer...so am giving it some thought....some serious thought...time will tell :)

When we were at the pub today....i was just wearing a lil singlet and Ryan and Vince were like,,,,you can really see the definition in your arms now....wooo hoooo made my day!