Another good day....boring....................

The scales went up a lil today....back up to 84.4 kilos....but I am pretty sure thats just related to the sodium from fridays lunch....and even at worse....that still leaves me with a loss of 1.2 kilos this week....my proper weigh in is tomorrow...today is a low calorie day so who knows what tomorrow the scales will say...plus due to the change in weigh in day its only a 6 day week for me so all is good :) I would really have liked to be under 83 kilos by the time I return to work (I go back to work a week tomorrow) but regardless I shouldnt be much off the mark. Doesnt matter I think a slightly different person is returning to work....previously I was always content to stay in my comfort zone and of course i weighed more! I know im smaller now....average even...and will have my eye out on some different positions that may become available in the city...who knows what the future holds work wise. This months holidays off work has been interesting...ive lost about another 9 kilos in that time, Ive had the Lorna Jane book thing come up, the Thats Life thing come up I dated someone (and whilst that didnt turn out...im glad it happened....just for the confidence it gave me and the self belief that im not a horrid person that people run 20 miles from) so in a lot of ways i think i am going back to work a bit of a different person. And while I dont have superb self confidence...I think it has improved a lot :)

Yesterday in body balance we had to lay flat on our backs...While I dont have excess skin that hangs off my back....just like when I was bigger I still have fat there....down my spine is pretty fat free and I can feel all the different bones etc...but to each side of that there is fat....I noticed when I lay flat (which until recently has mostly only been in gym classes) it feels like two lumps under my lower back...ive now realised that i need to basically push the skin out so its taught when I go to lie flat or it can be kind of uncomfortable. When I went into hospital last year for my surgery one of the things they asked me about was how many pillows I sleep with...I told them 2 and they told me that would be related to my obesity especially when I was larger. I was thinking about this last night....and remembered how at times whilst sleeping I would sometimes cough (i am guessing i was having some kind of breathing difficulty) anyway I would wake part way thru a cough and find that the cough had really hurt my throat. It didnt happen all the time but enough times to be uncomfortable. At the time I refused to believe it could be related to my weight. Anyway I realised that hasnt happened for about 18 months to 2 years now :) And so last nite....like a normal person thought I would try sleeping with just one pillow....it was strange....but completely doable....so glad I am now doing another "normal" thing...and I dont have a sore neck this morning....last few weeks I have been having a tight neck...and suspect maybe holding my head above so many pillows may have contributed to it.

The other thing is I kinda just gave up chat rooms! Thats big. I had still been going in to them out of habit I think...anyway about 10 days ago I had to reformat my computer and just couldnt be bothered reinstalling the software for it....and realised last nite i havent even thought about going in....its been a BAD 15 year habit....so would be nice if its a habit I am well and truly done with.

Catching up on washing today and washing all the clothes I got at op shops....seriously I didnt realise I had so many freaking clothes! So LOTS of washing today....but thats all good....lots new things for me to wear :) Altho despite all the clothes I still want to buy some summer dresses...and that lil cross over cardigan i saw yesterday...no wonder I am always poor....always bloomin spending! LOL

Ive felt like in someways I have been stepping back into some of my depression habits a bit. Ive been stressed over returning to work, I have had other stress things occur in the last week....last night I realised I had spent 3-4 days in bed in the last week...yes i had gone to the gym for PT but i pretty much got up went there....went home and back to bed. Last night I was worrying about things and realised I was trying to make things "seem good" when i was feeling crappy. But I slept good last nite (monday nite i only slept 3 hours and so i think the lack of sleep has been part of the problem) but this morning got up....did housework...sorted out my wardrobe more (this seems to be a never ending job!) went thru all the clothes ive bought lately from op shops washing them etc....watching some of my tv shows (supersize vs superskinny and embaressing fat bodies) and its amazing that doing mundane things like dishes has made me feel better....of course opening the windows and letting the sun in might have also had something to do with it too! LOL but i do feel much better....which is really nice.