Saturday, December 04, 2010

The thought that i have less then 30 kilos to lose is scary. The main reason being that i cant fathom losing 30 kilos is enuff! When i hit around 120 kilos i thought...oh the next 15-20 kilos ill see a massive difference...especially with my stomach/hips/thighs. Certainly theres been a difference i have lost some centimetres but its nowhere near what i had hoped for. I cant imagine that losing only another 30 kilos am i gonna be happy with. Its not about oh ill still have cellulite or whatever...its that even dressed in clothes i wont look normal. Im not delusional i dont expect the perfect body...ill never have the body of a 20 year old. But lets face it my hips and thighs are huge and just completely out of proportion with the rest of my body,,,,and the really annoying thing is altho ive had some losses of the lower half of my top half keeps reducing no matter how much i lose im still so out of proportion it aint funny. Which really concerns me that ill get down into the healthy weight completely unhappy and feel what i have done is a waste. Now of course i realise there are the health benefits...and REALLY thats the most important thing...but im a girl lets face it i wanna be able to wear nice clothes and look half decent and if after 5 years or so of doing this if i get to my goal weight and still not happy i really dont know what ill do...cos how can you successfully maintain if your not happy or at least content with the final result. And then there is a part of me...that wonders if im using this thinking as a way to not go any further...i dont think i am even close to giving up...but it comes down to the same thing for me...always wanting the easy way out....whether its this...or socialising or anything i find challenging...its ALWAYS come to a point where ive been like...this is too hard i cant do it...and i throw in the towel. And with this weight loss thing...its the first time i really have stuck at it (trust me tho ive wanted to quit numerous times) but i havent and somehow have kept i do wonder if this is me thinking...ok enuff is enuff. UGH my brain is doing way too much thinking AGAIN

I do have these social plans tomorrow...lunch time meeting the ww girls for lunch at the markets...then after there is a drinks thing at a pub for fiona and one of the other trainers and there clients...this i am dreading...and this comes back to the whole "taking the easy way out" thing. The easy thing to do would be to pike and not go...the hard/challenging thing to do is to will still come down to the same thing...ill be the fat girl...and ill be uncomfortable...of course i think its lovely that i was asked to go...but this whole socialising thing is just too damned hard! Someone give me a personality and a skinny body please lol


Natalie said...

Hi Kazz

In 2002 I lost 32kg dropping from 112 to 80. The biggest change in my body was from 92 to 82. All of a sudden my thighs became slimmer and I went from a NZ size 14 to a 10 to 12.

I guess if you aren't happy with the proportions when you hit goal, some surgical 'sculpting' could be an option. From what I've read or understood, a lot of women still feel unhappy with their bodies when they get to goal.

We're so difficult to please aren't we?!!

Tania said...

Isn't it interesting that you can lose over 60kgs and still battle the same demons of the past?

Ok here's my 5 cents worth - I think your upper body is becoming so small and toned that there's nowhere else from your body that you can lose another 30kgs from other than your hips/bum/stomach etc! It's logical that that's where it would come from next. I know it's scary but remember 30kgs is a lot to lose, it just doesn't seem like that to you at the moment becuase you've already lost more than twice that! I think you'll surprise yourself as that weight comes off.

Secondly, there's nothing to quit! It's a lifestyle change that you've chosen and you've done a fabulous job of it - i think all you have to do when things get hard is remind yourself of where you've come from (including your health concerns) and that will be enough to keep you going.

And even when you take 3 steps forward and 2 steps back remember you're still one step ahead - so even the little deviations and breaks won't have a profound effect.

As to the socialising - it comes down to this Kazz, it requires you to step outside your comfort zone and that's challenging at the best of times. But if it worries you to the extent that it seems to be then you have to decide what's best for you at the time.

My PT wanted me to join the Foxy challenge that kicks off in February - I knew that would put me out of my comfort zone and I wasn't ready for it so I reached a compromise - I committed to 2 PT sessions a week until the end of March - it meant that I wouldn't be uncomfortable but I am still challenging myself in another way!

JustJo said...

Hey Kazz... I will always remember what my surgeon said to me before my WLS (and I know you haven't had WLS but the advice still applies). He said "the weight wont come off where you want it to when you want it to, it is up to your body"
Seriously, I lost weight everywhere else but my thighs and butt until the very end, it wasnt until I had no fat to lose anywhere else that they started to shrink.... I reckon you will be the same!
And also, no disrespect to Natalie at all (cos losing 32kg is a fantastic achievement), but.... losing 80kg plus, is a totally different ride to losing 32kg.
I have no advice to offer, except to say, that I would rather stuff my saggy baggy skin in to a size 12 or 14 rather than have to try squeeze my fat in to a size 30 and still not be able to fit!
You are doing so well - you inspire me every day!!
Jo :)

And P.S. you already have a personality! And it is fantastic!