my good friend jaimee has been going thru her own "journey" lately...not with food and weight...but with alcohol...she signed up to do 6 months with no alcohol and is just coming to the end of it. Anyway she wrote a post on her blog today...and it really struck a cord with me...it basically about being the best person you can be. When i started this journey my life was quite different yet quite similar to it is now. In the beginning i use to work 3.45pm-11.45pm tuesday to saturday....which obviously allows for no social life. It also didnt enable me to be normal...what the hell was going to sleep at 10pm at nite??? A few months into the journey....they got rid of that shift and i went on to the rotating roster i am on now. The latest i work is 5.30pm and mostly it works well. Back then i was still very heavily invested in chat rooms, i "cooked" processed foods (ie heated meals in microwave)...but i had these wants....i wanted a social life...i wanted a partner...and i really just wanted to be happy! Things in most aspects (bar the partner thing) have improved....i dont spend every minute in the chat rooms BUT i still go into them. To explain....i go into two...one is one where i barely chat to people apart from polite hellos where i play backgammon....i dont think this is a issue...in fact i know "logic games" are good for depression so i think its a good thing. The other is where i chat more...its easy in the air...im popular...i get lots of attention...now understand i live alone...this chat room enables me social contact...and its easy yanno...going out in the real world is hard...i dont exactly have the confidence to meet anyone even tho its what i want...so its easier to me to be close emotionally to someone online. This happened for the last year or so. Eventually a lil over a week ago i finally told her enuff is enuff. In relation to this i am taking a leaf out of jaimees book...my goal is not to go into that chat program till february 28. Completely doable. (And of course once feb 28 comes along i will reasses this) I have also been slack for several months...i have fallen into a incredibly bad habit of coming home and going straight into my bedroom...i havent sat in my lounge room and turned the tv on for MONTHS!!! I know part of it was due to the cold...its easier to warm my lil bedroom....but yanno its laziness sitting in my bed watching tv and playing on the computer (in yes the chat room). I need to stop that...cos as people may have gathered with how i am about my weight loss...i have a addictive personality (no chit!) i do the chat room thing...i dont read as much...i dont cook as much...the house gets neglected...i get neglected...i know part of that is cos its easier to hide in the computer...but i need to really step outside my comfort zones...yes im overweight but im NOT huge anymore...im healthy....ive always known i have a good personality...i need to realise i have a lot more going for me then i give myself credit for.

The computer needs to go into the shop...the battery is dead and something about the power connection is stuffed...this is the perfect time to do this. I have been avoiding it thinking i dont want a week with no computer...but yanno its a step and i think a good step. So tomorrow arvo ill take it in to the shop. Its time to start eating dinner in the living room....its time to not come into my bedroom before 9.30pm and not to spend my days off in bed!!!

Sometimes i think that i have focussed so much on my weight loss i have forgotten about the goal of getting a partner and social life. Like dont get me wrong...i have friends...but do i have a "BFF" nah i dont....when i succluded myself for so many years...the couple of BFFs i had...well i stuffed that up a bit...and while were friendly again....were at very different places in our lives with different expectations. I dont have that friend that i can call up and say...lets catch a movie tonite...and i of course dont have a partner. So i need to allow these things to naturally happen instead of running away. I dont want to fall into the traps of 18 months ago of going out drinking on friday and saturday nites. While it may not happen all of a sudden...i think i need to get rid of some "rules" one being i dont go out on friday nites...i can go out and not drink and be home by midnight and still be fine for work or pt the next day!

Onto weight loss...since this is a weight loss journal! lol! Woke up today with a revolting taste in my throat...went to the docs this arvo and got antibiotics. I dont feel too bad just a rough throat and a horrid taste in my mouth. i havent weighed in for 9 days....and in that time ive been sick...and not to the gym much....tomorrow is a brand new day...time to weigh in (and suck up any gain) be measured and move on with things. I think i will make next weeks weigh in on tuesday which is only 5 days which means i HAVE to be super good...just what i need at the moment! Tomorrow will start to get this house a lil more organised...will get back to the gym (walk to the gym...body pump...45 minutes cardio...then PT session). I am also going to do fionas boxing class next week. I have "issues" with getting down on the ground and up again...which they do a lot of in boxing...fiona is gonna try and have a good look at my timing of these moves...to see whether my "issues" with this are all in my head...or whether they would hold me back from doing the boxing classes regularly (see what a good trainer i have! evil but good lol)

Hope everyone has a good nite...i will still update the journal this week just may be a lil less due to not having the puter for a week or so...enjoy all!