Thursday, June 03, 2010

Well went to see the physio last nite...i told her about the couple of falls i have had and how while my ankle doesnt feel as stiff the pain is still there. She has now referred me to a podiatrist and they will work in tandem together. So will ring him later today and make a appointment. She thinks i have some structural damage and the way i stand on my feet is a issue and also as the muscles on either side of my ankle are very tight. He will apparantly have me run on a treadmill and video tape it then look at my motion but she thinks i will prolly end up with orthotics. (Thank gawd I get my bonus from work next week...timing couldnt be better! lol)

I have also decided i need more accountability. I seem to be fine for 2-3 days then i am having a bad meal...then 2-3 days fine etc etc Ever since my aunties came down ive been off track...really bizarre and i dont understand why to be honest. Why i suddenly got out of the zone...the only thing i can think is "the uncle" who innapporopriately climbed in my bed when i was a was his daughter i met...and photos of him were pulled out...i havent seen photos of him since i was 14 so whether thats stirred up something or whether thats just a excuse i i had felt i had all done and dealt with those issues. Or whether its just the contrast of how loving my aunties were to me as in hugging etc and how proud of me with the weight loss etc and when i compare that to my mums reaction the difference is just astounding. But even tho (and the more i think about it the more i think the second option is more the issue)i know the only person i am hurting is myself if that is the case. I havent actually spoken to my mum since i saw my aunties...two weeks tomorrow...which is a example of how lacking my relationship with my mum is...more i think about it its that...but yanno losing control and not continuing with this weight loss...the only one losing is time to do what i decided a year or so ago...and thats take the focus on other and focus on me. So i am thinking maybe i need to keep seeing the nutritionist each week so i have accountability.

PT tonite off foot is sore from last nties physio session so i prolly will only do the PT session...have a good day all!

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