Monday, April 12, 2010

Well let me preface this post by saying...i know just stopping antidepressents is never wise and the fall can be very no need to post kazz you shouldnt have done that...I i never learn ;)

So heres the story...since ive moved to the new place i havent felt focussed...ive felt jacked at other people getting in to relationships and out drinking whilst im busting a gut at the gym...sure ive hit 50 kilos...but in reality to get to where i REALLY wanna end up i still have 53 kilos to go...and since moving ive been mostly good with my food...and since back at the gym been real good with my exercise...but i just dont feel like myself. Combine that with the fact my contract for the gym is due to expire in a few weeks...i spent a real bad nite last nite. Where it kinda in my head just exploded...i would have been lucky to get 3 hours sleep...and the whole time i was remembering a conversation from the day before with Jody where she said "have you gone off your meds cos you dont seem like your normal self" (and gawd damn i hate when she is right!) Anyway after barely sleeping...i got up in a zombie state...went to work...minute i got in the car ryan was like whats wrong? Anyway he got snapped at a few times lol...anyway i lasted half an hour at work and i knew i wouldnt get thru the day so i went to the docs...had a long talk to the doc...this time they have decided to put me on a lower dose which makes me feel i have a script for one month then go back. Then tonite knowing that one of the best things for depression is the gym i headed off there. Me and fiona had a big chat...she actually looked at it completely different (of course!) she was like you were really worried before you moved it would take you months to get back on track...and your reigning it in within a few weeks. She also said from her experience people on big weight loss journals seem to go in these cycles...but as she pointed out i reign them in a lot better then i use too. So my aim is not to obsess over the fact im not "100% focussed" im gonna keep doing what im doing eating good and exercising...and hopefully once the meds kick in i will in a few weeks time just be where i need and want to be.

That said i nearly didnt post this post but i felt i needed to be honest....but i may be quiet for a few my focus is just gonna be on catching up on sleep, exercise and some good eating.


Cassie said...

Hey Kazz

Big hugs to you, hope you are feeling better soon :o)


To Band or not To Band? said...

Hey chicken! You are still doing amazingly!!!! I am so proud of u! And look at your bloody support team! We r all here because we believe in you! You are taking 10 steps forward and maybe a tiny stumble back once in awhile! U have come sooooooo far!!!

Hippygal said...

Sorry to hear things have been so crappy but good for you for getting the help before it blows out completely. And yes you may have 53 kilos to lose but it still could have been 103 if you had not lost the 50 kilos. Be proud of what you have achieved to date :-)

Martine (email: said...

Kazz, I hear your pain - I have a constant battle whether to be on anti-depressants or not. I know with me I go on and off the damn things. Martine

GaeChann said...

Gosh! You are one of my heros on here but I allow you to stumble from time to time as you're human, just like the rest of us!
I'm sure the medication will perk you up in no time and you'll be back to your normal, happy, hard-working self!
Best wishes - Gae oxoxo

Tania said...

Practice what you preach! lol ... you gave me some of the most sound advice i'd ever heard regarding anti-depressants when I was first diagnosed with PND. A lot of what you said made so much sense and made me realise there was no shame in being on medication if it gave you the balance in life you needed. I'm glad that you went to the doctor and even more so that you have Fiona to talk things over with - it's a definite plus!