Saturday, December 05, 2009

Well...still thinking...yes i am way too big a thinker. Must admit part of the thinking is about this journal. Thing is ... last weekend went out for dinner with friends from school there was a friend there i hadnt seen for about 18 months...anyway she was able to track down my journal with the help of google! Now i didnt care that she saw it...we are good friends...she prolly knows more about me then most and made me realise how open i am in terms of this journal. There are some things on this that I dont want some people knowing about...where those posts are, in three years of journalling i have no idea! (One of the downsides in getting back in contact with long lost family members) There is also the fact of my honesty on the journal...there are certain topics i avoid...i dont like to sit here and whine cos then i may get responses which whilst arent written condescending i read them as condescending...there are times i wanna write "this sucks i hate the scales and i hate having to make this a priority" admittedly 99% of the time i dont feel like this but there are times where it sucks. Its like i read about all these lil perfect people on the ww forum who has lost 15 or 20 kilos and they preach to someone whose struggling whose been at it for 6 months or 12 months...lost 30 kilos or whatever and now struggling...guess what peeps???? NO ONE is perfect i dont care who the hell you are and how you choose to let yourself be perceived on the forums...your not perfect...your not wonderful...your just damn human and havent been doing this long enough to truly understand all the mind games and plateaus etc you go thru. I am now completely convinced that 20-30 kilos to lose is EASY yes it is...ive lost count of how many friends have lost this amount then included...i personally think our bodies are designed to lose 20-30 kilos with ease...after that it gets a bit tougher...its a complex thing...cos you not only want to lose weight...but more importantly you want to lose fat...not muscle...and do it in a way that means no detrimental affect to your overall health. Yanno ww is a good i think its the be all and end all? NAH...cos i dont think one plan suits all...i think we all as individuals need to do what ever works for us. If that means sticking to ww religiously (and sometimes on those forums i do friggin think its more like a religion then a weight loss forum)Thats not to say im bagging weight watchers ,,,, im not. What i am saying tho is, it isnt perfect but then neither is any weight loss plan. Certainly with the weight loss people i know online...weight watchers is popular..that said i have struggled...not with my health is fiona pointed out the other nite...whilst i may not see it she sees huge no longer sick all the time, no longer having dizzy spells, i lift HUGE fitness has greatly improved and overall i have improved. In all honesty the gym and fiona is a much bigger part of my life then any weight loss plan...simply cos thats where i get my feedback and motivation...i think getting the new scales and focusing on body fat and measurements will be much better for me too then "numbers on the scale". So where to from here? Not sure...part of me thinks make the journal private...part of me thinks delete it (altho i never would cos it has too much history on my weight loss journey) and part of me thinks keep a journal just for my eyes and update here once or twice a havent decided there yet.

What i am going to do is keep doing ww at this point...on 28 points (increased the points when i reworked out my points on the point quiz) and then reweigh myself on december 31. If i am still sitting at a similar weight it mite be time to put a different way of looking at things...with that...i am actually listening to fiona...and im gonna try and take some expectations off myself...i have that mind set cos i am over 100 kilos i should be losing well over 1 kilo per week...i think after losing 40+ kilos thats not going to happen...that combined with the health things...combined with PCOS i need to be kinder to myself and also to relax more and maybe even enjoy life a lil more! Combined with my work outs 1-2 hours per day (was reading jillian last nite she said dont work out longer then 2 hours). So i guess without realising it thats the plan for the next few weeks...28 points per day...exercise minimum of 1 hour per day...relax...maybe even take some bubble baths! And yay my leave is now only 24 days away then we are gonna relax BIG TIME.

Okies hopefully this post didnt offend too many people...but u know if it did? Well chit happens lol...okies enjoy all


Jody said...

Great post Kazz - please don't stop journaling you are a great inspiration to a lot of people - especially myself.

Tania said...

My two cents worth - the fact that you update almost daily proves what a big part of this journey your journal is, but you should feel you can write anything in it, if you're not able to you're not being true to yourself - the answer to that would be to go private!

As to the carbs - been there done that, more times than I care to remember! And i've finally reached a point where I'm happy to lose the weight slower and enjoy my foods - by doing that I don't crave or binge - i've lost 10.6kgs in 6 months and not once have I thought about giving up, it's a different head game for me now and I think it will be for you too once you go back to eating your carbs - when YOU feel like them!

You are doing SO DAMN WELL on so many different levels Kazz, never forget that, sometimes it's just so much easier for other people to see our successes.