Tuesday, June 02, 2009

Tuesday June 2

I am a dork, a twit, a fool. There it is in black and white. I am really quite mad and annoyed with myself at the moment. I have a ex...her name is ang...we were good friends for about 6 years...got together...were together about 7 months...she lived in america me here...it got too tuff and she wanted some things i wouldnt give...so i broke off the relationship. There was a lot of to-ing and fro-ing after the break up and then about 8 months later it completely ended. Anywayyyyyyyyy i really dont miss her as a girlfriend etc...hindsight is a wonderful thing and my gut feelings about certain things were accurate and i realised she was not a healthy person to have in my life. But i have always missed her friendship, and i guess in a way hoped that we would get that friendship back, i even now wonder if the reason i still go in chat at times is in hope she may message me and get that friendship back. Anyway i have thought MANY times over the last couple of years of emailing her and making a effort. In all honesty i wondered if it was just pride of both of our parts that was stopping the friendship from still being there. And i think in a lot of ways i prolly thought if i did message her we would get that friendship back. Well i dont know what possessed me but yesterday i sent her a message (I can hear Jody sighing as she reads this lol) no big email was only a few lines pretty much just said hope she is well...i am well...but that i thought it was sad that we had lost the friendship. Well i got a reply today...hmmm lets see...yeh it is sad we lost the friendship but its for the best, that she is a different person to the person i knew back then (HELLOoooooooooooooo we all are...we are human beings we all evolve continually) which then ended with have a nice life. Seriously ! Have a nice life...what was my response? What a bitch hahahahh seriously it wasnt a nasty email but it also was not a nice email to read...i woulda preferred no response in all honesty. But then again i cant believe i emailed her. Crazy thing is last year...she came online under a different name...we got talking...she was all into asking me about my life...(was only after i discoverred was her) so pretty good for not wanting the friendship. Am i hurt by the email? Nah not really in a lot of ways i couldnt imagine a friendship with her being part of my life these days...do i maybe in my head live in a utopia world and thought having her friendship would be nice? Yeh i prolly do...and thats prolly half my problem. I really have had no involvement with anyone since we broke up...i dated mel for a few weeks...and really havent allowed myself to get close to anyone else...maybe subconsciously i was hoping me and ang would get back together...which in reality is the most ridiculous thing going.

Ok enuff of that chit lol. Last nite i worked my lil ass (ok not so lil) off at the gym...i cycled for over 17.5 km on the bike...i went hard at level 5 for 30 minutes and did 13.5km in the first 30 minutes then jsut went slowly for the next 15....then i did strength training at PT with fiona. We again did that exercise where i am sitting on the fitball and at the end she goes you really dont get what a big deal this is do u? And im just looking at her blankly lol...shes like its a huge deal im super impressed (so its a very big deal that i can sit on it and not wobble apparantly lol)

Jumped on mums scales this morning they show a loss of around 500 grams but i really have NO idea how reliable they are. The mutts last nite drove me nuts...i think the fact im not there much they are missing company. When i was getting ready this morning i could hear them whining at the back door. Last nite when i let them in they were so feisty...especially one...wouldnt leave the other alone in the end i put them outside cos they were driving me fair dinkum nutty. Only TWO more nites there tho ! I really cant wait to get back to my place, and the good news is i scored a 3 day weekend this weekend. Saturday arvo i am meeting friends for coffee and saturday nite i have a work dinner at eros (Greek banquet eek! That work is paying for) but sunday and monday no plans...i plan on relaxing, getting housework and washing done and prolly going to see mum on sunday or monday as is her birthday.

Oh and robyn replied...we are gonna go see a movie and grab a bite to eat not this saturday nite but the next so that should be nice.

Oh and tina i got your message about the speed dating...we had the same issue at our speed dating too..so i dont really know the answer? Apart from having less people or shorter times for chatting to each person.

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