Monday June 1 Part 2

Yes second post for the day heh. I think i wanna live a lil more. In January when the Leigh and felicity drama occured...i decided to cut back on my going out and focus on the gym. And i am glad i did. I have still gone out at times but not a great deal and really the gym has been my life...now i dont want that changing...its still gonna be where i am every nite monday - thursday. And the other days i wanna fit in 30 minutes of exercise per day. My focus hasnt changed...more I am starting to miss some other things in my life...which i got reminded about by going out with the girls yesterday. I don't wanna start going out and drinking but I do wanna start going out more and enjoying life more...hell i am single after all... i should be out more ! I think my head too is in a much better place these days... i am not getting freaked out by the attention and yanno in all honesty would be nice to go on the occassional date and maybe get to know someone well. I think in a lot of ways i am so scared of that step of dating someone or going out with someone and of course i could say "when you are ready it will happen" well maybe ill never be ready....maybe i just need to face facts that yeh it prolly will be scary but it will prolly be a lot of fun at the same time. Robyn said to me recently...i owe u a nite out....tell me when u wanna get together and i will be there...and since then i have not even mentioned to her again...and she hasnt mentioned it either...prolly thought i wasnt interested as i didnt really comment. And well it doesnt need to be a big deal...maybe just a bite to eat and a movie or something...but i got all deep about it thinking what was the intention behind her asking that. So today i have texted her lol maybe she will think the bitch took too long to take me up on the offer for a nite out LOL we will wait and see. But i think more and more i am realising i am not unattractive...im maybe even kinda attractive in my own way and i am not repulsive...my self esteem will always be something i struggle with but slowly that is improving, but i also need to put myself out there more.