Went to bed with Jillian last nite..

...!yes i did ! well her radio show on my mp3 anyway. Anyway it was interesting as she was talking about emotional demons (how is that for timing?) and she was saying if when you are on this journey if you don't have doubts, or issues come up then you are in denial and you are eventually going to repeat your same patterns again and again. As uncomfortable and unsettling as it is...having insecurities and doubts and questions while on this journey means your ALIVE it means your thinking and pulling back the layers and that it is actually what you need to do to be successful at this. She was also like some days i dont wanna get out of bed and some days im the happiest girl on the planet those highs and lows are what make us alive. I always think I have to be perfect and show people i am perfect and happy and bubbly so its very different to hear its normal to have those up and down days.

Nat wrote on her blog yesterdyay about setting goals. Now I have 4 weeks left of the current program Fiona has me on. Most of what we are doing in the program i am fine with ... boxing movements while holding weights, lunges and squats on the stability mat, LAT pull down machine, fit ball stomach exercises and the TRX. Now the LAT pull down we did in a previous program...and i got to 40 kilos...last week we did 35 kilos...it would be pretty damn awesome to get up to 60 kilos, the other thing is the TRX...im not gonna swear about it or call it a torture device as Nat called it (and yes it is that suspension apparatus Nat) im gonna look at it in a positive light, i wont look up when i do it next and i will expect fiona to make me go lower on it each time and i will master it. I really really wanna do it this week and not feel ridiculous and like a fool. I am just gonna try and take deep breaths not rush it and do it. I want by the end of this period of time for Fiona to say okies TRX time and me to just go "okay" not..."oh chit is there a way of getting out of this?" lol The other thing i wanna do is work on that damn eleptical trainer ! I wanna build it up to 10 minutes...so Nat you can hold me to that :)

Anyway on to better and more exciting stuff ! Tonite i am off to the wheaty for a few drinks (or a few diet cokes as the case will be for me). Tomorrow i am planning to go into the gym around lunch time...just do some cardio then i will grab some lunch then off to the hilton hotel to check in - so excited !

Have a good friday all !